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Ladies and Gentlemen Allow Me to Introduce the Cat Car

samzenpus posted more than 8 years ago | from the who-needs-mr.-fusion dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 614

Kelmar writes "CNN is running a story about how a German inventor has found a way to power a car using dead cats. Yes you read that right. According to the inventor he can produce the biodiesel fuel at the cost of about $0.30 (US) per liter. Needless to say many animal rights activists are upset by this development, and some are saying that it is illegal to use animals for this purpose in Germany."

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614 comments

Other pet-based products (5, Funny)

gbulmash (688770) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564780)

How about fuel from dog farts? I know a Labrador Retriever who could probably fuel a moped with his daily output.

- Greg

Re:Other pet-based products (4, Funny)

mrjb (547783) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564913)

Best of all, you won't need to bring the dog, cause he's only needed to take the blame :)

Inventor misquoted? (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564781)

A spokesman for Bild told Reuters the story was meant to show that cat remains could "in theory" be used to make fuel with Koch's patented method.

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsArticle.aspx?t ype=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2005-09-14T160628Z_01_ MAR457954_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-GERMANY-CATS.XML [reuters.co.uk]

Re:Inventor misquoted? (5, Interesting)

jcr (53032) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564808)

Wasn't there a story on /. about a year or so ago about running all manner of organic waste through a refinery? IIRC, it's possible to generate everything from axle grease to alcohol by cooking up turkey carcasses.

-jcr

Re:Inventor misquoted? (5, Informative)

Knome_fan (898727) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564818)

This doesn't come as a surprise for anyone living in Germany.

The Bild is Germanys largest tabloid and is well known for not always reporting overly accurate, to put it mildly.

That said, this guy seems to be making quite some waves here in Germany. At least I remember seeing him on TV lately, talking about his invention.

And if his claims are true, this really could prove to be a very useful invention, especially with the recent develpements in oil prices.

Re:Inventor misquoted? (3, Funny)

black6host (469985) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564925)

Not to mention the inroads the internet has been making into areas not yet connected. More net users, more porn, more dead kittens :)

Re:Inventor misquoted? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564829)

The Inventor himself said the whole Bild story is utter bullshit.

The Lady from the Animal Rights Commitee said: This doesn't concerns us, even if it is true, because it would use dead cats. Dead cats are not protected by animal rights.

Re:Inventor misquoted? (1)

Eagle-Y (891220) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564854)

A spokesman for Bild told Reuters the story was meant to show that cat remains could "in theory" be used to make fuel with Koch's patented method.

Not only cat remains but any living thing including humans. Interesting

Re:Inventor misquoted? (1)

nospam007 (722110) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564892)

>>...Not only cat remains but any living thing including humans. Interesting
---
I still prefer they'd use it for Soylent Green.

Alternatives (5, Insightful)

ThreeDayMonk (673466) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564889)

One could presumably also use the remains of other creatures, such as politicians, lawyers, and estate agents.

"In theory".

Re:Inventor misquoted? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564904)

well why not
on a yearly basis i see countles animals being burned becauze of some disease scare.
the countless birds now in asia and russia

pigs, cows, sheep ect burned in heaps

Bad joke ahead (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564783)

Cue joke about "CATalytic converters"...

Mind you, the Brits had a car called a Morris Minor. It's nickname was the "moggie". Is this the same thing?

Re:Bad joke ahead (1)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564903)

Cue joke about "CAT...

Did you say something about :CueCat jokes? Let me dig into the archive here; I think I can find a few....

Does anyone know? (3, Funny)

aussie_a (778472) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564787)

Does anyone know if Germany has any WMDs it needs to be liberated of? If not, when's the soonest the American government can give it some so they can invade?

I know I'll get modded down for this, it was a joke. But then again some people have had their sense of humour surgically removed.

Re:Does anyone know? (1)

Smurfeur (915009) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564820)

> But then again some people have had their sense of humour surgically removed. Yes, Iraquis, for example.

Re:Does anyone know? (1)

prionic6 (858109) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564830)

We have around 150 WMDs. They are not exacly ours... I think they are inside american / NATO bases. But thats superficial of course. Please don't invade us!

Re:Does anyone know? (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564920)

Umm, sorry you're 60 years too late! They already did :-P

Re:Does anyone know? (1, Funny)

mikiN (75494) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564847)

Well, if by WMD you mean Wanton Mammal Destruction, I can only agree with you wholeheartedly.

Re:Does anyone know? (1)

mikiN (75494) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564870)

Erhm, since the PP was modded below see-level, let me make myself clear: I'm all FOR the elimination of WMD as specified above, and AGAINST the destruction of cats.

Finally! (3, Funny)

jcr (53032) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564789)

A use for a cat? Who could have imagined it?

-jcr

Re:Finally! (4, Funny)

aussie_a (778472) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564798)

A use for a cat? Who could have imagined it?

Oh I don't know. I've found them quite useful for my quantum mechanics experiments. What I do is I leave the cat in a box for a week and see if it's dead or alive when I take it out. Sure all 1000 experiments have resulted in death for the cat, but I'm not convinced that this isn't a statistical anomaly. I'll kill another 1000 cats if I have to!

Re:Finally! (1, Funny)

jcr (53032) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564821)

I'll kill another 1000 cats if I have to!

Cool. Let me know if you get funding for that.

-jcr

Re:Finally! (3, Insightful)

Petersson (636253) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564937)

anyway, we are currently using dead dinosaurs and trees as fuel - it is called 'crude oil', 'coal' and 'natural gas'.

and cnn falls for it, too (5, Informative)

matt4077 (581118) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564794)

This was a story by BILD, the world's largest tabloid newspaper. It is nicely rebuked at Bildblog.de [bildblog.de] which is a meta-blog following BILD and exposing it's errors, bias and lies. The company ("Alphakat" [alphakat.de]) simply develops a method to process waste as a kind of Bio-Diesel.

Message on their website (1)

thrill12 (711899) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564858)

"Die im Moment in den deutschen Medien verbreiteten Meldungen Dr. Christian Koch würde Katzenkadaver zu Diesel verarbeiten sind absolut falsch und entbehren jeden Bezug zur Realität. Juristische Maßnahmen gegen diese Behauptungen wurden bereits unternommen. "

(The news currently spread in the German media that Dr. Christian Koch processes cat-cadavers into diesel-fuel is absolutely wrong and has no connection whatsoever to reality. Judicial measures against these accusations have been taken already.)

Re:and cnn falls for it, too (5, Informative)

stirz (839003) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564873)

Taken (and translated) from http://alphakat.de/ [alphakat.de] :

"IMPORTANT INFORMATION

The claim spreaded by German media that Dr. Christian Koch is producing Diesel fuel from dead cats is entirely wrong and are entirey unrealistic.

Legal steps have already been taken to counter these claims."

This is ridiculous... Koch's firm simply introduced methods to produce Diesel fuel from waste oil, plastic waste, old plants, sewage sludge, ordinary household garbage and cadavers (which *surprise* could also be run-over cats!).

Tsss... tabloids...

Re:and cnn falls for it, too (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564875)

Here is a (rough) translation of the rebuke on the company's webpage that parent linked to (www.alphakat.de):

IMPORTANT NOTICE!

The news circulating in the German media at the moment concerning the use of dead cats by Dr. Christian Koch in the production of diesel fuel are absolutely false and are totally unrelated to reality. We have taken legal measures against these claims.

Re:and cnn falls for it, too (1)

cafard (666342) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564926)

This was a story by BILD, the world's largest tabloid newspaper.

I would have given that honorific title to the Sun [thesun.co.uk], but well, that might be just me.

Let's look at some random titles from the front page: "Is Zeta Jones an air head?", "Ian Brown's saucy babes", "Sexpert reveals how to look great in the buff", "Wayne sent off after crazy taunt at ref".
Yeah, they *definitely* get my vote. :)

Schrodinger (3, Funny)

Emeye (871203) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564796)

...woulld be pleased.

Re:Schrodinger (1, Funny)

hoehue (873037) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564878)

I just wonder when would I know if I'm still in the garage or already on the highway.

uhh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564801)

... I think I speak for everybody when I say "Ewww!"

Brings new meaning ...... (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564802)

... to the phrase "catalytic converter".

Dead animal fuel (3, Interesting)

binkzz (779594) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564804)

While it may not be such a good idea to find stray cats to fill up your car, I think the development is certainly interesting.

If you take BSE for instance, where tens of thousands of cows are slaughtered 'just in case' and are unfit for consumption - what if we could use those animals for fuel? Or maybe even insects or Republicans. Ridding your house of pests may fill your car up at the same time. Africa may be able sell its grasshopper plague with enough profit to buy more food.

Publicity stunt (3, Insightful)

TummyX (84871) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564806)

Gee, why not state that he's making them from human corpses? Hell, if he did then michael moore could make a movie about how bush singly handedly created hurricane katrina in order to turn black people into oil (if he hasn't already done so).

There's no reason why the fuel can't be exclusiuvely made out of less controversial (and, from a cat owner's point of view, less offensive) fuel farm animal waste products, trash and other oranic waste.

The only reason, I see, that he mentioned cats was to get on the news.

Re:Publicity stunt (1)

Aqua OS X (458522) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564827)

sure, you could picks a less controversial fuel... but cats are funny, and that's what matters.

Re:Publicity stunt (3, Funny)

Progman3K (515744) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564862)

>Gee, why not state that he's making them from human corpses?

Soylent Gas - It's PEOPLE!

bull. (2, Funny)

hamburger lady (218108) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564867)

Hell, if he did then michael moore could make a movie about how bush singly handedly created hurricane katrina in order to turn black people into oil (if he hasn't already done so).

come on, nobody believes that bush single-handedly created the hurricane. its pretty obvious that he had some help.

Re:Publicity stunt (1, Insightful)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564894)

Considering the amount of inhumanity that goes on in the oil industry - including the protection and support by oil companies of murderous and repressive governments in oil producing countries - it is not too far a stretch to say that we already are filling our tanks with human remains. I'm not the first to have this thought [mnftiu.cc].....

Dead Animals (1)

drzolo (760845) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564807)

"CNN is running a story about how a German inventor has found a way to power a car using dead cats. ...... Needless to say many animal rights activists are upset by this development, and some are siting that it is illegal to use animals for this purpose in Germany."

It does say the cats are dead, so what do the Animal Rights Activists see wrong in here?! ........??

Re:Dead Animals (1)

Knome_fan (898727) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564843)

They don't see anything wrong here.
Bild not only reported a non-story, because the guy never made diesel out of cats, nor does he intend to do, but also misquoted the Animal Rights Activists.
http://www.bildblog.de/?p=791 [bildblog.de] (Sorry, only in German)

Excellent news! (-1, Troll)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564811)

Since they say that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten...

fuck it, finish the joke yourself, perv.

Ouch... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564812)

I thought it said "a cost of about $0.30 per litter". And I wondered who would be cruel enough to be selling cat litters for fuel.

Yes, thats all very nice, (1, Funny)

stunt_penguin (906223) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564815)

but does it require the use of a catalytic converter to run properly, or are unconverted cats okay? *hides

Bild is s**t (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564816)

Keep in mind that "Bild" is one of the biggest and *worst* tabloid papers there is in Germany - take everything they write with a bucket of salt.
The English equivalent would be the "Sun", I think.

cats (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564817)

Wow, Maybe cats finally have a use on this planet. Hmm, Do you give to use all 9 lives?

Reusable energy source? (3, Funny)

Mostly a lurker (634878) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564824)

Can the process be used to produce energy once for each of a cat's nine lives? If so, it should be popular with environmentalists.

citing (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564828)

Sorry to be a spelling-nazi, but they are somewhat different.

on behalf of cat lovers I would like to announce (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564833)

Two world wars and one world cup!

Human Fuel Source? (-1, Offtopic)

dave1212 (652688) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564836)

I thought of something like this a little while ago, I assumed the US would be developing a system to be able to convert humans, dead or alive, into fuel.

I assumed they would find a way to highly accelerate the process of turning us into fossil fuels.

That way, they can 'take care' of any overpopulation issues (their job as the 'world police', after all) and also have an extremely convenient way of disposing of dissidents or anyone who might oppose them.

Although I doubt this would happen, it's not impossible to imagine.

Claim denied by Mr. Koch's company website (4, Informative)

wlvdc (842653) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564837)

The Alphakat website [alphakat.de] states (in german) that the messages distributed by the media about Dr. Christian Koch (Koch is german for 'cook') processing dead cats into diesel are false and unfounded. And that legal action is being taken against those who made these allegations...

Prior Art (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564839)

Surely a catalitic convertor is Prior art?

Try the veal

100% efficient (3, Funny)

toQDuj (806112) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564841)

input to 'cat' produces equal amounts of output with 100% efficiency. I've never had any dropped ASCII characters when using cat.

animal rights activists shush, this process apparently involves dead animals, so if they're dead, what will you be doing about it? Will the dead animals benefit from your actions?
In any case, many dead animals end up processed for animal food anyway.

B.

Ultimate anti-karma (-1)

mattr (78516) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564846)

Boy this is so horrendous. If there is karma like Heinlein believes (in which being nasty to cats is a big no-no) he is really in for it.

Not to mention clinically insane. This horrific person must have a similar mental illness to that of Hitler, in which he is driven to perform the most terrifying acts against humanity. Well that is a bit much, generally I am very against comparing anything to Hitler, but it does seem linked somehow. Perhaps really he is just a minor sadist as sadists go, and anyway he is a bit of a backwoods nerdy sadist, nothing to prey on much but his car, neighborhood cats, and of course the people reading the article everywhere. I bet he loves that.

I wonder what it is about this country that brings out the worst in the human psyche? Nothing against Germany per se but I do know (from my old German girlfriend) that there are certain pathologies about analysis and logic games that thread the society. However this is totally beyond the beyond. I mean, it is painful to even imagine and TFA to note that he has driven over 100,000 km on dead cats and garbage is breathtaking. If it was just compost he'd be a hero of course. A closet sadist and a cancer in the world, but lionized since nobody would know. Perhaps in Germany it is normal to not bury a cat but to put it in the compost? Hard to imagine.

Honestly, if you want to terrorize the least powerful and most sympathetic among us, you cannot do much worse than this. I speak of course for the young girls and everybody else who loves cats of course. Personally I like cats but they can get a little uppity. Maybe you can start to plan revenge when they get a little too close. But they do not deserve this though, they need homes and food.

Some professional should analyze the guy while he's still alive, and a tissue specimen frozen for genome sequencing (it takes a bit long now doesn't it). Perhaps one day it will provide some insight into the genetic and environmentally caused defects that lead an unsuspecting human egg to develop into this monstrosity.

Re:Ultimate anti-karma (1)

d_strand (674412) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564893)

oh man.... you are one of those people who believe everything you hear on tv or read in the papers, aren't you?

Nice checking, editors! (4, Informative)

thecampbeln (457432) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564848)

"It's an alternative fuel [yahoo.com] that is friendly for the environment. But it's complete nonsense to suggest dead cats. I've never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in."

Nice SPELL checking, editors! (1)

Xarius (691264) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564929)

... and some are siting that it is illegal to use animals for this purpose in Germany."

They can't even get spelling and/or grammar correct, what chance do we have for facts?

efficiency? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564849)

From what I understand, you're using the lipids in the bio-matter. Water's got to be boiled off, and all the other junk removed.

Unless cats are just big blobs of fat, seems kind of inefficient to me.

Alzheimer for everyone (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564852)

This could actually be very dangerous if the cats processed the wrong way. When the mad-cow-cows are burnt they have to be burnt at a very high pressure or the mad-cow - virus-particles (prions actually) will not be destroyed. The prions will be spread in the wind. Imagine if everyone got the mad-cat-disease by walking behind the purring cars. /Joe Bob

Hoax (4, Informative)

slashflood (697891) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564853)

That's just a hoax of our famous 'newspaper' called Bild. If you can read German, visit the Bildblog [bildblog.de], a blog dedicated to debunk all of Bilds hoaxes. In the meantime, Dr. Christian Koch put a note [alphakat.de] on his website, declining that he is using dead cats to produce fuel.

Re:Hoax (1)

NeuroManson (214835) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564871)

Awwwcrap, it's "Bonsai Kitten" all over again.
(sits back and starts munching popcorn, watching for the inevitable comedy)

English language? Hello? (1)

kahei (466208) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564856)


'siting'?

To 'site' is to place something such as a building or an event on a given piece of land: 'We sited the new airport on reclaimed ground to the north of the city."

To 'cite' is to refer to a document: 'The mayor cited reports that showed that the airport was unneccessary.'

Neither word is appropriate in the context of the summary. 'Claimed' or 'asserted' would have been better.

The editor was probably trying, in an adorably muddled way, to write the word 'cite'. He didn't do very well. He should probably get a pat on the head anyway. At least he tried. At least he _seems_ to have picked a word of some kind, even though it wasn't the right word, even though he couldn't really write it... he tried.

More accurately... (1)

stupid_is (716292) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564860)

Also reported on El Reg [theregister.co.uk]:

The heating of organic materials that contain fats to produce a bio-diesel fuel - not quite the image of burning dead cats (thankfully).

Why cats? How bout family? (1)

Danathar (267989) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564863)

How much fuel can I get out of my BROTHER!

Just theoretically speaking of course..

30 cents? (1)

calyptos (752073) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564868)

It costs well over 30 cents to raise a cat, and wait for it to die.

Re:30 cents? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564935)

Who says you have to wait?

/evil grin >:)

Re:30 cents? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564936)

Who says you have to wait?

Havn't you played Carmageddon?

[No subject :-) ] (1)

marcello_dl (667940) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564869)

...produce the biodiesel fuel at the cost of about $0.30 (US) per liter...

I think we solved the oil shortage problem. Just raise cats - at something like 0.50$ a day for cat food - then make biofuel out of them...

"Cat got your tongue? (something important seems to be missing from your comment ... like the body or the subject!)"

This must be a new lowdown... (1)

mx.2000 (788662) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564885)

...for both CNN and slashdot. Seriously, Bild is the world's largest tabloid newspaper, and probably the worst of all of them.

Making fuel out of organic waste is nothing really new or revolutionary. Using dead animals for this is not illegal at all.

Read more at http://www.bildblog.de/?p=791 [bildblog.de] (German)
Babelfish translation http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/trurl_pag econtent?lp=de_en&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bildblog.de %2F%3Fp%3D791 [altavista.com]

The looney left (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564886)

So let me get this straight... stem cell research from dead human embryos is good but using dead cats is offensive?

Troll (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564888)

I call troll on this story!

No tiger in the tank (1)

cwernli (18353) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564898)

As The Register points out [theregister.co.uk], this is theoretically possible, but not planned:

Dr Christian Koch, 55, from Kleinhartmannsdorf says he doesn't use cats after all, rather spoiling things for punsters hoping to make jokes about putting a tiger in your tank. Any old biomatter will do: old tyres, paper, textiles, plastics weeds and so on.

It then goes on: The underlying principle is fairly straightfoward: all organic material, animals and vegetables, contains fatty acids, albeit often in large involatile fat molecules. These can be broken down by heat into fatty acids and their derivatives which can in turn be converted into biodiesel.

So, unfortunately, nothing too spectacular here.

How about... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564911)

fuelling your car with dead terrorists?

GWB would do it...

Punalicious (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#13564914)

Listen to that engine purr...

Offical Statement on Alphakat Website (1)

baburas (811649) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564919)

There's an offical statement about this story on http://www.alphakat.de/ [alphakat.de].

Statement translated to English:
The messages Dr. Christian cook spread for the moment in the German media Katzenkadaver would convert to Diesel is absolutely wrong and would miss each purchase to the reality. Legal measures against these statements were already undertaken.

Do remember... (1)

thrill12 (711899) | more than 8 years ago | (#13564938)

...we are driving our cars on carcasses already.
Carcasses of dead dinosaurs.
Maybe we should put a nice picture of a smiling little dinosaur on the frontpage of the Bild, together with a phrase reading : "Dinosaurs mistreated for human cars!"

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