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283 comments

Baldness (5, Funny)

TheSpoom (715771) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476731)

I think if Star Trek has taught us anything, it's that baldness is one thing that will never be cured.

Re:Baldness (5, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476773)

In Star Trek Appearance doesn't matter. Only disobeying rules at key moments matters.

Re:Baldness (2, Funny)

syousef (465911) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477225)

In Star Trek Appearance doesn't matter. Only disobeying rules at key moments matters.

In that case, here's your new red shirt. We were going to give you the blue shirt, but that wouldn't tell the audience that you're about to die. The way team will be beaming down to the dangerous planet immediately.

Re:Baldness (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477611)

Yeah, and red was engineering. Such a glut of engineers in the future that they have to ask for them to be killed.

Re:Baldness (2, Informative)

schon (31600) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477663)

We were going to give you the blue shirt, but that wouldn't tell the audience that you're about to die.

To boldly go, don't you see?
It's just a ploy, it's a fucking conspiracy!

The final frontier is just a lie
that kills thousands every year!

You and me, don't you see?
Brain washed at the fucking Academy.

This red shirt, I'll say it loud -
It ain't nothing but a fucking death shroud!

The red shirts are dying
The red shirts are dying

The red shirts are dying
I ain't lying
What they're selling you're buying
While the Captain's satisfying his itch in a ditch
with some green-skinned bitch
And the Federation grows increasingly rich!

From Warp 11 [google.ca]

Re:Baldness (1)

himurabattousai (985656) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477847)

This would explain why Picard got captured so many times. Starfleet should have never changed their command uniforms to red.

Re:Baldness (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25476833)

I think if Star Trek has taught us anything, it's that baldness is one thing that will never be cured.

Baldness is a gift from the heavens. I'm not gay, but if Patrick Stewart was feeling lonely...

I kid. I have an afro, and I wouldn't trade it for a nice looking bald head for the world. Let me get on topic now.

Google search and Alcohol and Hair Loss [google.com]. Would be interesting if there was a coorelation being studied.

Re:Baldness (4, Funny)

grahamd0 (1129971) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477213)

Curing baldness would probably be one of the evils that was abandoned after the Eugenics Wars. I'll note that Khan had a full head of hair. It's a slippery slope from Rogaine to genocide.

Guinness already does it... (2, Informative)

Joce640k (829181) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476749)

Guinness is full of yummy flavonoids which zap oxidants and help protect against cancer.

Re:Guinness already does it... (4, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476789)

Yeah, the science is still out on 'Zapping' oxidants.

Re:Guinness already does it... (1)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476859)

Now...after they put out cancer fighting beer, we just need to get some clone recipes for all us homebrewers and then we get yet another good reason to continue the hobby.

Hehehe..great, FINALLY playing quarters will be healthy!!

Re:Guinness already does it... (5, Insightful)

pclminion (145572) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476823)

What is this thing with Guinness? The only difference between Guinness and yellow American beer is the color. If you want a good stout there are plenty to choose from. Instead people seem to treat Guinness as some kind of stand-out because it's the only dark-colored beer available in many places. That doesn't make it unique or even particularly good.

So true (3, Insightful)

unassimilatible (225662) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477103)

Homebrewers laugh at Guinness, as like with most commercial beers, it tastes like water after you taste a well-bodied homebrew.

Re:So true (1)

PachmanP (881352) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477395)

You may call it a well-bodied homebrew, but I call it a fat girl! Some of us like our beer filtered through a urinary tract!

Re:So true (2, Informative)

diskofish (1037768) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477655)

Guinness is more than that. It's the beer that all other Irish stouts are compared against. Sure there are always better examples of the style out there, but there are also a lot that are worse. As for the home brew thing, I've had a lot of really terrible home brew.

Re:So true (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477873)

yeah, some people think brewing their own beer automatically raises them to supreme beer snob status.

me: uh, is this beer really supposed to be stringy?
homebrewer: you just don't know good beer.
me: i hope it's the good kind of bacteria

Re:So true (1)

Dun Malg (230075) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477761)

Homebrewers laugh at Guinness, as like with most commercial beers, it tastes like water after you taste a well-bodied homebrew.

Friend of mine makes a homebrew that's 18% (or more!) and practically slices like bread. The sick bastard puts it in 24oz bottles! And to think that that pisswater Budweiser is the best selling beer in the US! People really have no sense of taste.

The problem is, most guys who drink Guinness (2, Insightful)

unassimilatible (225662) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477095)

Have 20-inch necks, and a proportional waistline, which creates its own health problems.

Shoot (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25476751)

I'd be happy if it just cured my 'roids :)

Rice? (5, Funny)

Hatta (162192) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476755)

Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

Re:Rice? (3, Interesting)

Alien Being (18488) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477121)

OK, Bud isn't the best tasting beer, but it's always decent. I've had too many skunked bottles of "premium" beers to continue being snobbish about it.

FWIW, my favorite beer of all time is Pete's Wicked Ale. I'll put Guinness, Grolsch and a few others close behind.

Re:Rice? (1)

cavefrog (1015175) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477161)

FWIW, my favorite beer of all time is Pete's Wicked Ale.

Bell's Two Hearted. Fantastic stuff, especially if you're an IPA fan.

Re:Rice? (1)

UncleFluffy (164860) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477243)

Just in case you hadn't heard - Pliny the Elder is now available in bottles. Yay!

Re:Rice? (1)

cavefrog (1015175) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477607)

Just in case you hadn't heard - Pliny the Elder is now available in bottles. Yay!

I googled it, and it sounds very good, but I haven't seen it in Michigan yet. (Drat!)

Re:Rice? (1)

c_forq (924234) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477629)

I would highly recommend Magic Hat Brewery, particularly #9 (the "not quite pale ale"). I've been able to find it very easily around MI.

Re:Rice? (1)

mweather (1089505) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477361)

Dogfish Head 120 minute IPA gets my vote. Though Stone's Ruination IPA is pretty good, too. Pity it only comes in bottles that would get a horse drunk.

Re:Rice? (1)

cavefrog (1015175) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477633)

Dogfish Head 120 minute IPA gets my vote. Though Stone's Ruination IPA is pretty good, too.

Two more fantastic beers. I also like Snake Dog IPA, and Loose Cannon Hop^3 Ale. And if you seriously like hops, try Bell's Hopslam - just a couple will "put you down", but they taste incredible.

Ahh. Damn hops shortage...

Re:Rice? (1)

Hatta (162192) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477515)

I don't like the taste of rice in beer. I don't like budweiser, and I don't really like Sapporo. I'd gladly drink a busch before a Bud. But I drink boulevard and leinenkugels most often.

Re:Rice? (5, Insightful)

Cyberia (70947) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477201)

Good news: Cancer deaths down. Other news: Liver disease is up, researchers are looking for cause & cure.

Re:Rice? (4, Funny)

ArcherB (796902) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477335)

Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

It it's from Rice, that makes it Sake.

(duh!)

Re:Rice? (2, Interesting)

himurabattousai (985656) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477871)

Damn, you beat me to it. Your joke is somewhat accurate, though, as sake is brewed in a manner very similar to (good) beer.

Re:Rice? (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477459)

No kidding. Call me when we're hearing something from Johns HOPkins.

Re:Rice? (1)

quenda (644621) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477475)

Whats the story with that? I heard the reason a lot of American beer taste so bad, is the use of rice and corn in it, instead of barley. Is that common?

Pity the Australians visiting the US who think it tastes weak, so must be weak. They drink a couple of your enormous pitchers (twice the size of our jugs), and unexpectedly fall over drunk.

Spinal detachment (5, Funny)

isBandGeek() (1369017) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476763)

TFA:

And they added that giving high doses to invertebrates extends their life spans

So if we remove our spines and drink a lot of this miracle beer, we can increase our lifespans? Tell me where to get this beer!

Re:Spinal detachment (3, Funny)

w0mprat (1317953) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476985)

Oh, you can skip a step there: Some of us have no feature of anatomy resembling a spine!

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to. . . (5, Funny)

Apple Acolyte (517892) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476775)

To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -Homer Simpson

Baldness is not a disease! (5, Funny)

ODBOL (197239) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476779)

> Now we just need cigarettes that cure baldness.

Now, cut it out! God made a few good heads. He had to cover the rest with hair.

Re:Baldness is not a disease! (2, Funny)

camperdave (969942) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477745)

Now, cut it out! God made a few good heads. He had to cover the rest with hair.

One I've always liked is:
"We were all born with the same amount of testosterone. If you want to waste yours growing hair, that's your business."

I liked it, but... (4, Insightful)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476783)

In general, the addition of the resveratrol shouldn't affect the taste of the beer, since the chemical is odorless and tasteless, he said.

So, why not adding it to... water? Because that way you wouldn't get in the newspaper, not even a /. mention?

Re:I liked it, but... (4, Informative)

pushing-robot (1037830) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476845)

Because they're using yeast to produce resveratrol, beer seems a logical choice of beverage. Besides, I think they're targeting that vast group of Americans who think it's unpatriotic to drink water.

Re:I liked it, but... (3, Funny)

CaptainPatent (1087643) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476847)

SHHHHHH!

that completely invalidates our excuse then:

"Honey, Would you put that beer down and go mow the lawn?!"
"Can't sweetie, it's time for my treatment!"

Re:I liked it, but... (1)

Furmy (854336) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477365)

And what's the point of having it published without a little product placement!

The students, using their own Dell, Lenovo ThinkPad and Gateway laptops, are now in the process of developing a genetically modified strain of yeas

Think Adblock could be configured to identify in-story hyperlinks and replace it with generic equivalents? Time for a beer...

Re:I liked it, but... (2, Funny)

philspear (1142299) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477463)

In general, the addition of the resveratrol shouldn't affect the taste of the beer, since the chemical is odorless and tasteless, he said.

So, why not adding it to... water? Because that way you wouldn't get in the newspaper, not even a /. mention?

Dude, shut up! Seriously... Next you'll be on about how you can get the benefits of the glass of wine a day in a capsule without having to drink a glass of wine, or about how the health benefits from sex are the same for masturbation. You callous bastard, what are you trying to do, drive up the suicide rate?

Sigh... (0)

rastoboy29 (807168) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476785)

Another "Think you like but is bad for you can actually be good for you sorta if you except that you won't like it any more because they'll make it suck" story.

Great, get drunk off your ass, shoot your liver, (0, Offtopic)

davidsyes (765062) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476835)

have NO synthohol, and risk driving and insurance to save another organ or to add live to suffer the misery of having drank too much.

Nahhh, i'll die when i die. Not before, not later. That is the order of things. Unless i find out i am a Vorta named Weyoun attempting to repeatedly defect to some cheeseball planet named Earth, hehehe...

Wine (2, Interesting)

Haoie (1277294) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476865)

It's already been shown that certain wines, in moderation, can help prevent certain cancers.

As usual, moderation in everything.

Re:Wine (1)

vldragon (981127) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476931)

Moderation? Look here, if a little bit of something can do a little bit a good then one should assume that a lot of something will do a lot of good.... right?

Re:Wine (4, Insightful)

shawb (16347) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477123)

This does have to be applied recursively. Moderation in all things... especially moderation.

Re:Wine (1)

markdavis (642305) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477617)

Actually, it is just the anti-oxidant properties of grapes. You would do far better to just drink grape juice, take grape seed extract (which is REALLY high in anti-oxidants), or eat grapes. There is nothing special or better about wine, it will actually have the least amount of anti-oxidants in it.

Did anyone else... (5, Funny)

resignator (670173) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476887)

read this as' "Cancer-Fighting Bear"? I was seriously concerned there for a moment.

Re:Did anyone else... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477007)

His name, of course, would be Lumpy the Bear. Think about it.

Re:Did anyone else... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477227)

I did, multiple times. I couldn't really grasp the concept and thought it was an idle story.

Re:Did anyone else... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477291)

Yes, and it would have been awesome.

Re:Did anyone else... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477421)

I was concerned that it would probably Steven Colbert's [wikipedia.org] head explode.

Don't diss the bears! (3, Funny)

dreamchaser (49529) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477503)

Do not underestimate the potential of nanobears with regards to their ability to fight diseases like cancer. I for one welcome our microscopic ursine overlords.

Re:Did anyone else... (1)

meta-monkey (321000) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477575)

Yeah I read the same thing. I immediately thought, "Holy shit, if I get cancer, not only do I have cancer, but now some bear is going to come fuck me up? Damn!"

Liver Cancer, Pah! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25476909)

I bet all those heavy drinkers will now have an excuse to keep drinking as they'll think this cures liver cancer.

Darwinism baby!

Just great (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25476913)

Just great, now I gave to take up drinking

Re:Just great (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477143)

and typing lessons? :P

Drink to fight cancer! ? (5, Insightful)

w0mprat (1317953) | more than 5 years ago | (#25476959)

While I get this is a good way to sneak beneficial nutrients into the diets of people who may otherwise have no interest nor motivation in seeking them, I have one problem with it: Considering alcohol consumption is a risk factor for many types of cancer (and being loaded with empty calories contributing to other health problems), this better be a no/low-alcohol beer or there may be no net benefit to consuming this versus not drinking any beer at all. Ok sure, one standard drink per day has not been shown to be a problem. This is not the behaviour of your typical beer affictionado. There may be a trend to drink more, just because it's perceived to be healthy.

I do think reservatol has huge potential though, I'm sure Ray Kurzweil is already taking it along with his 250 pills a day. I also agree with finding feasible ways to improve the nutrition of existing food products rather than changing the habits of millions of consumers (which requires delivering boot to ass of corporates over their marketing amongst other things).

Yet, why not investigate economic ways to put it in milk or processed grains? Hell why not bundle it along with xylitol and omega 3 in things we eat commonly? We could all but wipe out everything from tooth decay to heart disease, to dementia in one go.

Re:Drink to fight cancer! ? (4, Insightful)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477043)

"While I get this is a good way to sneak beneficial nutrients into the diets of people who may otherwise have no interest nor motivation in seeking them,"

Except a bunch of ignorant fear mongers will scream about it killing us, even though there is years of data spreading over millions of drinkers.

see Fluoridated water.

informat1ve g#oatGoat (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477211)

NetBSD pos7s 0n

pish posh (5, Insightful)

retchdog (1319261) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477257)

The "French paradox" isn't one. The French are healthier because 1) they exercise; and 2) they only eat their famous meals on occasion. Generally, they eat "peasant food"; potatoes, bread, stews, &c. But of course that would be too difficult; no, it must be the wine. Drink, drink, drink! It's good for you!

Here's a hint: the French drink wine because they enjoy it. When I drink beer, it's because I enjoy it. I probably won't enjoy this genetically-engineered "good for you" beer as much, so the whole idea is a non-starter. I could always just eat a pomegranate, and then drink a good beer. And for those who don't like pomegranates, we can just synthesize this "resveratol" and put it in multivitamins right?

The future (4, Insightful)

CmdrPorno (115048) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477283)

I for one welcome this new synthesis between vice and medicine. What about strippers who can cure STDs and gambling to cure dyslexia?

Think about the consequences this election year (0, Troll)

zymurgy_cat (627260) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477461)

You know, if you really think about it, maybe we don't want Joe Six Pack to be cured of cancer. Thinning out the herd can be good.

Buzz (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477585)

Drew Careys buzz beer eat your heart out.

and... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25477593)

...and cheeseburgers that get you laid.

Let's make a penny go to more research (2, Insightful)

Provocateur (133110) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477743)

...from the sale of each beer. Doesn't necessarily have to go towards cancer research; it could defray the cost of printing the new labels. We'd still buy 'em, drink 'em...in the name of research, get it?

"Helping to find the cure, honey."

It's for the rest of us armchair jocks that can't run for a cause, unless it involved dashing to the fridge for the next one.

Advertising (1)

sincewhen (640526) | more than 5 years ago | (#25477849)

Did anyone else note the strange reference to "Dell, Lenovo ThinkPad and Gateway laptops"?
Was that Computerworld's attempt to make it computer-related news?
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