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Slashdot's Disagree Mail

samzenpus posted more than 5 years ago | from the keep-trying dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 126

Usually persistence is an admirable quality. There comes a time however when you reach that fine line between endeavoring to persevere, and drunk dialing your ex-girlfriend. The mail this week is from people who don't know when to say when. You have to admire their determination and feel a little bit bad that they don't have anything else to do. Read below to see how many times someone can click send in a day.

I'm sure this fellow had a long and glorious career as a hall monitor in school.

On Mon May 5, 2008 ******** wrote:
"I've found a potential threat to the free flow of ideas in the following discussion, ************ The problem is coming from ********* he is using bad language and verbally assaulting others who are trying to talk."

On Mon May 5, 2008 ******** wrote:
"The problem is still happening with ********* He has started to use vulgar language. Thank you for your swift attention to this matter."

On Mon May 5, 2008 ******** wrote:
"I've found another person using the same tactics in another story. ********* has ruined this thread, *********"

On Mon May 5, 2008 ******** wrote:
"More abuse here ********** and here ***********"

Thankfully, he took the rest of the day off. The next morning guess what was waiting for me?

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote:
"I spent a good portion of the evening and compiled quite a list of rudeness:
*******************
*******************
*******************
*******************
*******************
******************
It appears you have quite a problem on your hands!"

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote:
"I noticed I can still see the bad language I sent you yesterday. Is there someone else I should contact to remove these threads?"

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote:
"More bad language. ************ and ************"

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote:
"This points to a very disgusting image please remove it. ***********"

At this point I explained our moderation system to him and pointed him to the FAQ.

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote:
"I don't think changing my threshold really fixes the problem. That's like putting a bandage over a tumor. Not seeing something is not the same as fixing it. I feel I must continue alerting you to the problem that I don't think you fully understand."

On Wed May 7, 2008 ******* wrote:
"More abuse *********. I hope you plan on fixing this finally."

On Wed May 7, 2008 ******* wrote: "*************
**************
*************
**************
**************
I found these after only an hour of searching. This problem is much bigger than you know."

I knew he was right. The problem was much bigger than I initially thought. I solved it by directing him straight into my spam folder.

This guy would send us one of these at the end of the week for almost a year. None of them made sense but we started to look forward to finding out what things he would take responsibility for.

On Wed Feb, 12 2003 ****** wrote:
"My name is M.C. Shampoo

This message is for Matrix 4 people from myself: Shoutouts to Fame, Forensic, Skunk and Plink. Good work :)

Thank you for your time to read this message.

Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Answer: The chicken came with the egg. :) -- Shampoo.

Imagine one communications satellite between Canada and Britain that connects both countries with lasers that are so small that the lasers could be the size and voltage of a laser found in a portable compact disc player. The lasers transmit a digital signal from a satellite that is received, analyzed and understood after being viewed by a telescope on Earth. The reverse process could happen (with a telescope receiver in space) and would lead to extremely fast, multiple direction data communications in space to interconnect Earth to space and space to Earth. The ideal process would be to have a transmitter and receiver on the same satellite and to have a transmitter and receiver at each terrestrial base station to save space. This communications technology would work excellent to interconnect communications satellites in space at the speed of light. Data communications between satellites in space would be flawless in both transmitting and receiving modes. Problems could occur for information transmission to and from Earth. For instance: if there was cloud cover, the satellites and ground stations would have to route information to different locations for quality information transmission. The beam of light would not be seen by the naked eye on earth and would not produce light pollution. This mode of communications is faster than all current satellites that use radio frequencies to transmit signals which is much slower than the speed of light. This method of data transmission is faster than fiber optic networks on Earth that use relays and repeaters which slow data transmission times down and create latency. This technology was invented by Shampoo.

There is a fruitful idea that I have invented which is an Internet sperm bank auction where people can see a photograph of the sperm seller as well as a photograph or possibly even several photographs of the offspring from the sperm provider (if he has any offspring). The client could then select and place a bid on any available sperm from any specific seller to receive a child that will look similar to what the sperm provider looks like and what the female purchaser looks like. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented superior data compression that is vastly superior to any other data compression available on Earth. This data compression algorithm uses word or data set matching and backwards word or data set matching and much more: such as diagonal, forward and reverse word or data set matching - much like a crossword puzzle. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented a combined chess and checkers board. This board will allow the playing of both games within the same board. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented the concept of a multicast device (all information sent is the same for all people receiving it) that allows everyone on Earth with a receiving station to receive the same information digitally. The same information is downloaded to all receiving stations on a hard disk and then can be selectively viewed. Information could be the latest news that is available and could be viewed, reviewed or not viewed under a user-based selection system similar to the way you would view cnn.com on the internet. After a period of 1 hour, all news and information is updated on the device that is receiving the signal. This device would be democratically administrated so that people could vote on what they wanted to see most or least on these information receiving devices. Information on these devices could be music, video, images, text and would most likely be a combination of all of these. The receiving device would be comparatively like seeing the news on television while being able to replay it anywhere in the broadcast for up to 1 hour. You could read the latest sports scores, review the weather and much more. This device is controlled by the population that votes. It will be able to provide anything that people want to see or hear from it. This device provides the worlds highest freedom when it comes to broadcasting. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have proceeded to create a ISO standard (International standard) for resource dedicating on computers to switch operating systems with the press of a button using multi-threading busses to have the multiple operating systems simultaneously running on the same computer. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I also have invented a process for creating a rock inside of a computer, one that all of the people in the world could artificially engrave in a tombstone-style text whatever they wish. If built, this rock would enable all people on Earth to store one paragraph or more worth of information that would be permanently stored on the computer. The information stored would outlive the person whom engraved the rock because the rock would be of a 0.8 micron process with 500,000 transistors in the space of a 486 Central Processing Unit. A 486 Central Processing Unit actually has over 800,000 transistors. My design would be more reliable than a 486. Some people may think that a 0.8 micron process is too slow - this is incorrect if it is a 1024 bit or higher processor, then it could do more in increased volume than a smaller processor. The processor would last many hundreds of years and this is why the space shuttle uses similar technology - where failure is not an option. The information engraved in the rock which is purple and blue and marble-like and is black in some areas where the operating system blocks out information that a person may chose to remove from the rock. The information people place on the rock is permanent. Data is stored in the style of something similar to a Nintendo video game cartridge which is Read Only Memory (ROM) and will almost certainly last many lifetimes before failure. The rock is rectangular and information within it could be searched through or zoomed in and out of viewing range. The rock would cost based on the price of data storage media. For instance: an 80 GigaByte hard disk can hold 80 billion characters of information - this would give every single person on Earth approximately 13 characters of information on the rock for about $50 worth of failure prone storage like a personal computer hard disk. The design intentions are to make the rock outlast 10's of lifetimes before repair, to be redundant in all ways and last for eternity. The rock is for love letters, poems, eulogies and anything at all. This rock is free and will remain free and will never cost monetary values to use the contents of it or place information on it. Light from the fiber optic inter-connects would be magnified and sent to to solar panels and then that energy would be used to power the system. It would be electrically efficient. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented a Central Processing Unit design that allows failed components of the Central Processing Unit to be replaced without replacing the entire Central Processing Unit. The massive Central Processing Unit would be in a grid-like pattern and each failed quadrant of the grid could then be replaced with a new quadrant. The primary failure prone areas such as the Floating Point Unit and system Cache is designed to run on the outside of the core Central Processing Unit. Beneath the primary failure prone construction resides the backup infrastructure. Once a failure is detected the processing moves closer to the Central Processing Unit. What results is a faster computation during a failure. This schematic would allow many layers of redundancy with many higher levels where the highest level is the one that gets re-routed to a layer closer to the Central Processing Unit during a failure and then, if there was a subsequent failure, the level beneath it (which is closer to the core part of the Central Processing unit) is activated. Failed modules such as the Floating Point Unit and system Cache could be replaced while the system is running and then would be engaged to compute information. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have immense plans for creating artificially intelligent people within a large computer called a reality generator and I am currently within the study of intelligence. I can not afford the computer that is required to demonstrate all of the physics and reality that Earth has within a computer to create life within it. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

My invention of a reality generator would contain routable, addressable and combinable molecules and atoms. An example would be: any selection of Oxygen molecules could be combined into 3 molecules of Oxygen which would then produce Ozone. For instance: this system would allow the selection of a quadrant like a sphere of any size in any particular location within the reality generator and could then provide the capabilities to change the atomic or molecular structure within the selected region in the world that resides within the reality generator. Any atomic or molecular volume which could be air within this sphere could be changed into a ball of water or any other available atomic or molecular property that this reality generator will compute within the operating system. Inside of this artificial world, all molecules and atoms could be routed anywhere within the world inside of the reality generator by the system operator in real-time. I would allow all of the people living inside of this reality generator to have the power to to move molecules or atoms to their requirements, interests and to feel more comfort - such as routing warm air around a person that is feeling cold. Gravity or any portion of physics inside of this system could be controlled on a subatomic or submolecular grid-like system and on a level that could be continuously adjusted. This gravitational system could allow any portion of the artificial world(s) to have selected gravity, including zero gravity or the opposite of gravity at any place or altitude within the artificial world. My reality generator would be more superior than the reality produced on Earth. Most of the features of my reality generator are not available for citizens of Earth in the reality that we live amongst. Research has been made by myself with regards to how people see and how emotion alters senses and effects the central nervous system. I have done extensive research on how people become sentient and become amused. I am willing and able to emulate most if not all of the reality we are living within with little or no help to create living people within the massive reality generator I intend to build. I wish to perfect reality to the point so that it is full featured to an increased amount compared to Earth for the things living within the computer. The power subsystem would be similar to the rock inside of a computer. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented a sport that is called pick put. This sport is ideal for anyone to play. The object of the game is to throw a 10 pound weight with feet firmly not moving on the ground or thrown from behind a line. The method of the game is to throw the weight twice. Feet must be behind the approximate center of the weight where the weight lands after the first throw for the second throw to occur. The winner of the pick put game is the person with the longest distance thrown measured after the 2 throws. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented a water control system that is usable in all water faucet applications, such as bathroom showers and in kitchen sinks. This system ensures that the water that exits the water tap is at the accurate temperature that you desire. This is accomplished by transferring all of the hot water that is remaining in the water pipe(s) after being used to be transferred to waste or sent back to the hot water heater, therefore allowing the hot water pipe(s) to stay chargeless of cool or cold water in the hot water line(s). Then, a computer controlled thermostat would mix cold and hot water to any degree variation to the exact temperature requirements of the user before the water exits the valve during the time before the valve is controlled to open via the computerized thermostats' calculation of proper temperature when the precise temperature has been achieved. If a person enters a shower and "dials in" 85 degrees of water temperature, then the water that is released onto the person would not be any degree cooler or warmer than 85 degrees. This eliminates cold shower entries which are uncomfortable. It also eliminates the need to set the shower dial for warm or hot water and then having to step outside of the shower for a moment to not get drizzled with unbearably cold water due to the hot water transmission lines not being charged with hot water with user selected temperature controlled water flow. The water that exits the water flow control system would be automatic disbursement via the use of a computer controlled servo. There would be no need to turn a handle or knob for the water to flow once it has reached the desired temperature. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I found a law bug: The police say: Any information you provide can and WILL be used AGAINST you in the count of law. This is illegal to say. Against can mean incrimination information or it can mean supplementary information. For instance: To side with the defendant and to help him/her win a case in the count of law. If you are police and do not supply information to the defendant's benefit after stating you will provide information to be used with the defendant's case, then you have the right to remain silent and are then not providing the "AGAINST" information and must state so. -- Shampoo.

When I contacted the Canadian Security Intelligence Service Ottawa Region by telephone to disclose my inventions, it should be known that I was ignored and that I was considered ridiculous. I was disbelieved, and for lack of a better term I was "hung up on" via the phone by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service Ottawa Region for allowing them to hear my inventions. In fact, they only partially heard about 1 of my inventions (the laser network) before communications was disengaged with me by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service Ottawa Region toll free number.

I wish to receive a written apology from the Canadian Security Intelligence service and I would like to know about the disciplinary action that took place for the people involved in the conversation with me as well as their management, due to the conversation with me and the Canadian Security Intelligence Service that took place on January 10th 2003: after 6:00 PM and before 7:15 PM

Everything that I have invented is just in thought and is not produced for lack of money. These inventions are property of myself and are to be patented, copyrighted and trademarked under my name: Shampoo.

cancel ×

126 comments

OWWW OWW OOwww (2, Informative)

Ariastis (797888) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678293)

Man, my eye hurts. I'm seeing weird spots now.

either I'm going blind, or the layout is evil (Most likely both)

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (3, Funny)

internerdj (1319281) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678367)

On Tue May 6, 2008 ******** wrote: "This points to a very disgusting image please remove it. ***********"

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (1)

Shadow Wrought (586631) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678403)

The clicking Reply, it does nothing!

Well technically it hurts the eyes differently, but wow, maybe how the page displays should take priority over all the widgets that, though possibly cool, aren't actually as necessary as the display.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (1)

iced_773 (857608) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679685)

"This idea was invented by Shampoo."

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (2, Funny)

cp.tar (871488) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681257)

I smell a meme in the making.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (1)

ArcAxes (1401169) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681807)

I for one welcome our new shampoo overlords.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (4, Funny)

Lazyrust (1101059) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682435)

I say wash, rinse, repeat.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (4, Funny)

Strawser (22927) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678415)

This layout was invented by Shampoo.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (0, Offtopic)

Hellburner (127182) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679555)

This Slashdot meme was invented by Hellburner.

You may license it from me for grits brought from Soviet Russia by Natalie Portman. Or a Beowulf cluster of equivalent Overlord Quotient value.

Thank you.

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (1)

Yvanhoe (564877) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681501)

I can smell a meme taking shape...

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (2, Funny)

YonKz (1243762) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679363)

Shampoo is my new hero. Thank you! Thank you! for bringing him into the spotlight FINALLY! - - Now rinse and repeat. . . - - Taco please?

Re:OWWW OWW OOwww (1)

Ash Vince (602485) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679403)

Your supposed to send disagree mail to the operator, not post it on the site :)

Shampoo (5, Funny)

Henry V .009 (518000) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678311)

Hello. I am Shampoo, and it appears that you've violated copyright of my very important inventions. Please contact my lawyer to find out how many millions you will have to pay.

Re:Shampoo (4, Interesting)

Beardo the Bearded (321478) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679041)

Actually, Shampoo, if anything you had written been patentable, then you would have made them all unpatentable. You can't divulge any information about something you're working on to people who aren't working on it; not your friends, your neighbours, strangers on the internet, etc. Once it's made public, then you've released it and you can never be granted a patent. Some countries give you a 1-year grace period, but the US and Canada do not.

Of course, this is /. where everyone is a patent attorney. I'm just an EE who knows the difference between copyright, patent, trademarks, trade secrets, and industrial designs.

Re:Shampoo (1, Insightful)

WhatAmIDoingHere (742870) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679817)

He said copyright, not patent.

Re:Shampoo (1)

juiceboxfan (990017) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682283)

You can't divulge any information about something you're working on to people who aren't working on it; not your friends, your neighbours, strangers on the internet, etc. Once it's made public, then you've released it and you can never be granted a patent. Some countries give you a 1-year grace period, but the US and Canada do not.

Well, I'm not a patent attorney but I don't believe that this is the case. You only need to prove (mailing to /. probably wouldn't be considered proof;-) that you discovered whatever you are patenting before anyone else (assuming it meets all other patentability requirements). Of course it's always better to keep things quiet until the application process is completed, but not a requirement.

If I'm wrong please post a link to the relevant section of the law.
To get you started here is Cornell's page on the subject:
102. Conditions for patentability; novelty and loss of right to patent [cornell.edu]

Re:Shampoo (1)

edsousa (1201831) | more than 5 years ago | (#25683071)

In Europe, the last legislation imposed by European Union says that any public info is prior art. It doesn't matter if it was you or not publishing that.
Also you don't need to make your invention secret during the application process. The prior art is only considered to the application timestamp.
The 1-year grace period is specific to US.

Also, to the previous poster, copyright is on implementations, not on ideas. Eg. I had this idea to write a novel where a cop chases a mafia boss. If you write the book, I can't claim copyright on it.

Re:Shampoo (1)

nameer (706715) | more than 5 years ago | (#25683113)

In the US, if you are the inventor you get 1 year from public disclosure. From USPTO [uspto.gov]

If the invention has been described in a printed publication anywhere in the world, or if it was known or used by others in this country before the date that the applicant made his/her invention, a patent cannot be obtained. If the invention has been described in a printed publication anywhere, or has been in public use or on sale in this country more than one year before the date on which an application for patent is filed in this country, a patent cannot be obtained. In this connection it is immaterial when the invention was made, or whether the printed publication or public use was by the inventor himself/herself or by someone else. If the inventor describes the invention in a printed publication or uses the invention publicly, or places it on sale, he/she must apply for a patent before one year has gone by, otherwise any right to a patent will be lost. The inventor must file on the date of public use or disclosure, however, in order to preserve patent rights in many foreign countries.

woah (2, Funny)

COMON$ (806135) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678359)

Sorry, things went fuzzy and I blacked out while reading the second item. Did anyone with more stamina actually make it through?

Re:woah (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25678437)

We were supposed to be *reading*??! I thought it was screenshots from Nethack.

Re:woah (1)

g0dsp33d (849253) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681415)

That's awesome. Its a shame you weren't logged in so I could add you as a friend. Well played.

Re:woah (4, Funny)

Beardo the Bearded (321478) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678905)

I got about 1/4 of the way, then I felt like I had to wash my hair.

Re:woah (1)

Wiarumas (919682) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679863)

I finished it and about a third of the way through I started cracking up. I just found it completely hilarious that the first guy was so apalled by him spewing nonsense. About 2/3 of the way through I came to the conclusion that they might be the same person. Perhaps he just wanted more recognition. And like those before me, as I was finishing the last few sentences, I felt like I had to wash my hair.

Re:woah (2, Interesting)

jd (1658) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679269)

For the second email, I think I recognized the random phrase generator from a PET BASIC sample programs book. Well, the presence of a non-human "intelligence" is pretty obvious, but the skew in the randomness exposes the PRNG in use.

Re:woah (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25681545)

I read the first item, but skipped the last 45.

Wait, there were only two?

Idle (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25678393)

Why won't idle die? 90% of idle stories are labled PLEASEDIE or something similar. Wtf /. try to listen to like the entire reader base.

Re:Idle (1)

Methuseus (468642) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679995)

I haven't been on /. lately and am very amused by this. Maybe more people are amused than disgusted, and like all vocal groups, you are actually in a minority.

Re:Idle (1)

zappepcs (820751) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680687)

Oh, absofuckinglutely (I just got reported) I enjoy this. As my work week winds down on Friday afternoon, I read this thread to help me hold back the tears of sorrow I feel as I realize I won't be able to work for the next two whole days! Without disagree mail, I don't think I could make it through these tough and trying fucking times. (Damn, just got reported... again, and again... fuck... again!!)

Re:Idle (1)

Ollabelle (980205) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681209)

Yeah, unlike us, I'll bet CmdrTaco has page-view counts to rely on....

Lets make th disagree emails good (0, Redundant)

scorp1us (235526) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678417)

Announcing a competition for Slashdot's disagree email feature! Submit stuff that is actually interesting so we can actually have something good to read. It doesn't have to be true, it jsut has to get selected.

Re:Lets make th disagree emails good (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25678837)

I wish to receive a written apology from scorp1us and I would like to know about the disciplinary action that took place for the people involved in the posting of this comment that took place on November 7th 2008: after 7:39 PM. This complaint was filed by Shampoo.

jack thompson..... (5, Funny)

ganjadude (952775) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678487)

is that you???

This is genius (2)

dedazo (737510) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678501)

Seriously, Shampoo totally rocks. He's even better than that guy... I forget his name, Alex Choi or something?

Complete win.

Re:This is genius (1)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678555)

Alex Chiu [alexchiu.com] . But Alex Chiu sucks. I got the page hits I needed and he never sent me the immortality device.

Re:This is genius (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25679131)

I am Shampoo. I smell of Lavender, and i am an Anonymous Coward.

I am Garnier Fructise!

Re:This is genius (1)

glock22ownr (734154) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680297)

He's not that great... I don't see a "This idea was implemented by Shampoo!" .. I guess if that were the case Shampoo wouldn't have the time to spam /.

Re:This is genius (1)

HTH NE1 (675604) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680351)

I thought he was more like Gene Ray, the Time Cube [timecube.com] guy.

Re:This is genius (1)

PalmKiller (174161) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680827)

No one, and I mean NO one quite compares to that whacked out time cube guy. Way too much acid in the 70s most likely.

Re:This is genius (1)

g0dsp33d (849253) | more than 5 years ago | (#25681457)

Unless it was one of his inventions posting.

Um... (1)

Muckluck (759718) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678567)

That is my stapler. It is a swingline stapler. I used to look out the windows at the squirrels and now I don't have a window so I can't see the squirrels.

When the aliens come... (5, Funny)

lorddarthpaul (730954) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678575)

When the aliens (any brand) come, we can simply offer them this individual. This will keep them busy for quite a while, and maybe they'll forget to invade. Meanwhile, Shampoo should work as a patent examiner. Most new patent applications will simply be met with "I already invented that."

Re:When the aliens come... (1)

HTH NE1 (675604) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680449)

When the aliens (any brand) come, we can simply offer them this individual. This will keep them busy for quite a while, and maybe they'll forget to invade.

Avon: Tell me, Orac, how precisely did Vila confuse and distract Ultraworld?
Orac: Quite simple. With a series of random and illogical brain impulses. The planet was programmed to assimilate orderly coherent thought patterns. Anything else confused it.
Vila: Eh?
Avon: You mean Vila spouted nonsense.
Vila: I resent that!
Avon: Oh, I wouldn't if I were you. Orac is saying that a logical, rational intelligence is no match for yours.

Re:When the aliens come... (1)

unixfan (571579) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680787)

Haha! It is without a doubt one of the most interesting solutions I've read in a long time! :)
I've had the misfortune to run into some of these cats at various lists, and they all seem to be short of something. And very annoying if you are trying to accomplish anything. The idea of presenting a bunch of people like this to someone who's trying to figure us out, for their own not so benevolent purpose, would be hilarious!

What you got against aliens anyway? (1)

SmallFurryCreature (593017) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682075)

Anyway, once they are done with him, we won't have wonder what they are here for. It will be one thing. Revenge.

Re:When the aliens come... (1)

jonaskoelker (922170) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682639)

Most new plans from Professor Chaos will simply be met with "Shampoo did it".

invented by shampoo is all over the net (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25678609)

If you search on "invented by shampoo" you will find he did not limit his spam-love to slashdot.

Re:invented by shampoo is all over the net (2, Informative)

DarthJohn (1160097) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679991)

AC said:
-- If you search on "invented by shampoo" you will find he did not limit his spam-love to slashdot.
Google said:
-- Results 1 - 8 of 8 for "invented by shampoo"

Not exactly "all over"

Re:invented by shampoo is all over the net (1)

DarthJohn (1160097) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680427)

To be fair, the search pointed to here [slashdot.org] returns a couple thousand hits on the google groups.

Oh, really? (1)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678637)

When I contacted the Canadian Security Intelligence Service Ottawa Region by telephone to disclose my inventions, it should be known that I was ignored and that I was considered ridiculous.

OMG why would someone do that????

Re:Oh, really? (5, Funny)

who's got my nicknam (841366) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679509)

Come on, obviously Shampoo is a Canuck. And as all Canucks know, CSIS is the agency that controls all inventions in Canada. For example, the reason you can't buy a Ford F350 that gets 120mpg (1.96l/100km)? Why, CSIS bought the manufacturing rights to the hyper-efficient fuel injection system that makes it possible! Why don't we have personal jetpacks and flying cars here yet? CSIS, of course- who, along with their good friends in the CIA and KGB, decided back in the 50's that civilians should never have access to such sophisticated technology. And why do you think that the cost of mobile telephony devices has dropped so dramatically, while the performance and feature set has increased? You guessed it- CSIS! They've poured billions of dollars (thousands in US dollars) into keeping the populace so busy learning the new features of their mobile phones that they forget to ask "Where's my jetpack?". Also obvious to the casual observer: Shampoo was hung up on because he called CSIS directly with his inventions, rather than waiting for them to approach him and offer him the choice of Big Money or being Disappeared. He violated the Terms for Developing Suppressible Technologies, so of course they'd hang up on him. Any agent who'd have taken the call would have found themselves working stake-out duty in the Popeil Factory parking lot.

Uh? (1)

TheRealMindChild (743925) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678641)

Wut?

harken to usenet (3, Informative)

way2trivial (601132) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678661)

http://groups.google.com/groups/search?safe=off&q=m.c.+shampoo&sitesearch= [google.com]

there is MASSIVE amounts of the dribble there.

Re:harken to usenet (1)

mugnyte (203225) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679391)

  Please send all your microwave transmissions to Shampoo (extracted from link above):

Kevin Nadeau 1 Lakeshore Blvd.
Ennismore Ontario, Canada
K0L 1T0

For the matrix 4, too (1)

thered2001 (1257950) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678727)

I have invented a new method of transportation which will be of unbelievably great use to the peoples of the world. It is similar to a motorcycle in that it has two wheels but instead of being powered by a gasoline engine, it is powered by the person riding it. The power from the person's lower limbs -- I call them 'legs' -- is transmitted to the wheel via a shaft- or chain-like device fitted to flat, slab-like actuators which would extend to the sides of the device. The person would then press against the actuators with the ends of their 'legs' in an alternating fashion thus propelling both themselves and the device. It would also have two wheels and method of steering although I have not yet worked out the method or what color the wheels will be. This idea was invented by Thered.

Re:For the matrix 4, too (1)

CaptainPatent (1087643) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679713)

Man thered... you need to get with the times...

That was already invented by shampoo.

crackpots (4, Funny)

goffster (1104287) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678737)

The first story is funny, but the second amounts to making fun of obviously mentally deficient people.
It would be nice if this column did not continue to degrade in this fashion.

Re:crackpots (5, Funny)

Anonymous Psychopath (18031) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679301)

I recommend sending an email complaining about the rudeness. This problem is even deeper than the depths we previously knew it to be. That's like really, super deep down. Way down.

Re:crackpots (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25679905)

How many turtles down?

Re:crackpots (2, Funny)

Hyppy (74366) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679677)

There goes every Bush story that has ever been on this site.

Re:crackpots (1)

goffster (1104287) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679803)

Who was stupider? Bush, or the people who voted for him?

Re:crackpots (1)

UncleTogie (1004853) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680187)

"It would be nice if this column did not continue to degrade in this fashion."

I'm insane, and *I* love this thread. They're not making fun of people with Down Syndrome; they're pointing out the yutzes that think they know everything...

Reminds me of the guy I knew that said he'd found a way, through chemistry, to travel back in time. Darned if his drawings of the setup didn't look really close to Doc's flux capacitor.... with flasks somehow attached.

It's the "Palin Factor"; if you put your ideas/yourself out there in public, you better be ready for some criticism.

Re:crackpots (1)

blackjackshellac (849713) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680833)

I thought these examples were the reverse: the first was mentally deficient, the second was Kevin "shampoo" Nadeau, boy genius. Both were funny in their own right, the second is just old news.

Re:crackpots (1)

mistahkurtz (1047838) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682505)

"the second amounts to making fun of obviously mentally deficient people"

you mean pcp, right? all i can picture is some crazy canadian sitting by himself in a cabin somewhere in the far north, listening to religious nuts on short-wave radio, high on pcp or home-made lsd....

how he got internet access, i don't know. maybe the laser works....

To Shampoo (1)

cowtamer (311087) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678745)

I humbly suggest www.halfbakery.com

Censorship beats moderation (1)

Toe, The (545098) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678755)

Way to apply the first writer's standards against him.

If he's so pro-censorship, he should have seen your spam folder coming. :)

I know this guy! (1)

jmcwork (564008) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678757)

I think he also invented this game where you lay a mat on the ground and it has 'conclusions' all over it and you jump from on to another. He called it ...

So... (1)

DrugCheese (266151) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678801)

Shampoo did not invent some type of soap exclusively for the hair?

Re:So... (1)

Lord Jester (88423) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679789)

That would be boring and redundant. After all, it is likely he "invented his name. Would want something else named the same nowwould he?

Another for the Matrix4 (1)

thered2001 (1257950) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678841)

I have invented a method of perceiving the universe and understanding much of what is in it. Details are here: http://www.timecube.com/ [timecube.com]

Chess (1)

electricbern (1222632) | more than 5 years ago | (#25678847)

I have invented a combined chess and checkers board. This board will allow the playing of both games within the same board. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

OMG, that's brilliant. Using the same board for chess AND checkers! Shampoo for president!

Sean Hannity Is A Traitor: +1, PatRIOTic (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25678877)

and he should be immediately detained, tried, convicted, and sentenced for his criminal behavior.

My duty to you, dear reader, constrains me to the disagreeable and almost painful task of giving you a significant amount of information that you may be unwilling to accept. Instead of focusing on why Sean Hannity exists in a state of intellectual hibernation, I would like to remind people that I recently overheard a couple of tyrannical, anal-retentive menaces say that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Hannity-induced era of slogans and propaganda. It's one thing to lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction, but wanting to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors is indeed going too far. If I said that sin is good for the soul, I'd be a liar. But I'd be being totally honest if I said that I am a law-and-order kind of person. I hate to see crimes go unpunished. That's why I clearly hope that Hannity serves a long prison term for his illegal attempts to have more impact on Earth's biological, geological, and chemical systems during our lifetime and our children's than all preceding human generations had together.

Did Hannity cancel his plans to manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against him because he had a change of heart, or is he continuing the same battle on another front? It would appear to be the latter. When I'm through with him he'll think twice before attempting to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. We've tolerated his apolaustic, dodgy reports long enough. It's time to lose our patience and chill our kindness. It's time to demand a thoughtful analysis and resolution of our problems with Hannity. It's time to shout to the world that we must put his irascible wisecracks out to pasture. Only then can a society free of his destructive, contemptible litanies blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that his perceptions are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, to say that he was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires is snotty nonsense and untrue to boot.

Hannity occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to perpetrate acts of the most supercilious character. He once tried convincing me that deconstructionism is the only alternative to frotteurism. Does he think I was born yesterday? I mean, it seems pretty obvious that Hannity's the type of person who will trump up any lie for the occasion, and the more of a thumper it is, the better he likes it.

As a consistently mortified observer of Hannity's memoirs, I can't help but want to discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions -- militant jerks, prolix dipsomaniacs, and the worst classes of villainous turncoats there are. It's possible that Hannity doesn't realize this because he has been ingrained with so much of militarism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we call for a return to the values that made this country great. An axiom among his bootlickers is that society is supposed to be lenient towards the most cynical ne'er-do-wells you'll ever see. To a lesser degree and on a smaller scale, his toadies like to say, "An open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd." Such frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. If someone wants me to believe something malignant like that, that person will have to show me some concrete evidence. Meanwhile, I intend to show you that I, for one, despise everything about Hannity. I despise Hannity's attempts to work both sides of the political fence. I despise how he insists that his faith in clericalism gives him an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that every time he tries, Hannity gets increasingly successful in his attempts to fleece people out of their life's savings. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well.

As part of his efforts to gain a mainstream following, Hannity publishes the Journal of Covinous Egotism. Included alongside articles discussing history, culture, art, religion, and philosophy are endorsements of Hannity's plans to resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution. He must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why Hannity is so desperate to prosecute, sentence, and label people as reprehensible nutters without the benefit of any evidence whatsoever; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Hannity also realized that he should learn to appreciate what he has instead of feeling so oppressed because he can't do everything he wants, every time he wants to. As soon as he found the resources to do so Hannity lost no time in leading to the destruction of the human race. The inevitable followed: Pestilential devil-worshippers started to create a regime of mindless alarmism. The scariest part of all of this is that whenever I turn around I see Hannity stirring up trouble. To deny such a truth would be to deny the evidence of our own senses.

How did Hannity get so impulsive? I have my theories, but they're only speculation. At any rate, writing letters like this one has earned me more hate mail from him than you would care to hear about. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, all the deals he makes are strictly one-way. Hannity gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations.

I have begged Hannity's foot soldiers to step forth and present another paradigm in opposition to Hannity's ill-bred fairy tales. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Hannity might retaliate? Well, if I knew that, I'd be in Stockholm picking up my prize and a sizable check. The dominant characteristic of his opinions is not that they weaken our mental and moral fiber, but that, in the bargain, they regulate Bulverism. He recently claimed that two wrongs make a right. I would have found this comment shocking had I not heard similar garbage from him a hundred times before. Although Hannity would rather I discuss the personality flaws of unwed, pregnant teenagers, he has no discernible talents. The only things Hannity has surely mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose he's also good at convincing people that the Earth is flat, but my point is that while we do nothing, those who introduce more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we communicate and teach.

What Hannity fails to mention in his long-term goals is actually quite telling. For example, did you know that Hannity wants to teach the next generation how to hate -- and whom to hate? Or that all of his doctrines contain ruthless elements? The key point here is that he says that he is as innocent as a newborn lamb. That is the most despicable lie I have ever heard in my entire life.

Hannity somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization. His assistants allege that "Hannity's activities are on the up-and-up." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that Hannity's belief systems are a disgrace and an outrage then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, Hannity insists that diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. In the long run, however, he's only fooling himself. Hannity would be better off if he just admitted to himself that it's possible that his hectoring, noxious helpers are congenitally unable to grasp the fact that widespread racialism is the price we'd pay for making "extraterritoriality" a dirty word. However, I cannot speculate about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a description of how I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Hannity's puerile, baleful revenge fantasies, which replace discourse and open dialogue with sexist criticisms and blatant ugliness.

Every so often you'll see Hannity lament, flog himself, cry mea culpa for turning positions of leadership into positions of complacency, and vow never again to be so inarticulate. Sadly, he always reverts to his old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that his forces feel that superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles. This is precisely the non-equation that Hannity is trying to patch together. What he's missing, as usual, is that whenever he announces that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as him, his co-conspirators applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that Hannity extricates himself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice. Hannity's maneuvers reek of so much metagrobolism that the smell makes me nauseated. But it goes further than that; some people have indicated that by an odd twist of fate, Hannity is so dead wrong on the issue of animalism that nothing else he says or does can possibly compensate for his views on that issue. I can neither confirm nor deny that statement, but I can say that Hannity is still going around insisting that he's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to him that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of ethnocentrism, and there are those who are not. Hannity is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why that's just one side of the coin. The other side is that if you ever ask him to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. And now, to end with a clever bit of doggerel: United we stand. Divided we fall. Sean Hannity's perfidious stances will destroy us all.

Cordially,
Kilgore Trout

P.S.: Enable Cyrillic fonts , extra please.

Re:Sean Hannity Is A Traitor: +1, PatRIOTic (1)

DiegoBravo (324012) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679189)

Maybe all it needs is another category for modding: "LAWYER" and some configuration option in order to "do not show lawyers".

Why Shampoo? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25679057)

His claims are a sham, and definitely mostly poo.

goat_cx? (1)

AntEater (16627) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679223)

"This points to a very disgusting image please remove it. ***********"

Where was this guy in 1999?

Re:goat_cx? (1)

technos (73414) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679431)

He was here for a couple months. Sometime in the middle of February I managed to get him with with a single post containing tubgirl, goatse, and the giver; He went blind.

Glad to see he's finally gotten the hang of his Braille screen reader at least.

He's a genius (1)

madcarrots (308916) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679401)

Shampoo is a mad genius who can save the world. I think that the Shampoo phenonmenon can take the world like "All your base..." on crack. I have invented t-shirts that have LED displays that spout random 'inventions' from a random text generator at random intervals. At the bottom of the shirt in bold glitterly lettering will be the words, "This idea was invented by Shampoo." This idea was (not) invented by Shampoo.

Disagree Mail (5, Funny)

j_f_chamblee (253315) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679537)

In previous editions of Disagree Mail, several people commented on the fact that the offerings were too short and too few. I didn't comment, but I shared the sentiment.

Serves us right.

obviously (0)

kingsteve612 (1241114) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679619)

of course youll have disagree mail when 1/3 of the crap on slashdot is from retarded people. like the one about someone cracking WPA, then the one about "oh no, nevermind. they didnt crack WPA" what do you expect?

Older than the hills (1)

camperdave (969942) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679735)

I have invented com-
bined chess and check-
ers board. This board
will allow the playing
of both games within
the same board.

This idea was invented
by Shampoo.

Obviously this Sham-
poo' person has been
around for close to a
thousand years.
Checkers moved onto
the 8x8 chess board
around 1100AD in or
around southern France.

I think Shampoo may
have done the style
sheet for Idle.

Re:Older than the hills (1)

Hoi Polloi (522990) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680021)

Don't knock him until you read his idea for using a rock in every PC as memory. He has finally found a way to reconcile the stone age and the computer age!

I especially like his idea for a new sport. It consists of throwing a weight, walking up to it and throwing it again. Fun for the whole family!

Re:Older than the hills (2, Funny)

Intron (870560) | more than 5 years ago | (#25683041)

I have invented a method of typing very long lines by simply not pressing the Enter key, even inside a little text box. This method was invented by Intron.

Nothing better to post? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25679829)

Really, really uninteresting.Try some mental floss.

Maxwell is rolling in his grave (1)

Hoi Polloi (522990) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679853)

"[Laser] This mode of communications is faster than all current satellites that use radio frequencies to transmit signals which is much slower than the speed of light."

I must have confused radio waves with electromagnetic radiation.

I'll put Shampoo's ideas to use as soon as I figure out how to connect them to the CIA devices in my fillings.

Re:Maxwell is rolling in his grave (1)

Lazyrust (1101059) | more than 5 years ago | (#25683019)

Just use left over tin foil from your hat.

Another Asspie (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25679887)

I've run into fucktards like these, they think if they report every little bad thing to all the admins, and try to force the admins to take action against those they dont like, they'll not only be the pet, but they'll feel that they have power by proxy. You run into these little assholes on online games a lot too, who report people for EVERYTHING, even making things up just to get people banned who said something they didnt like, or to keep the daily quota of bans going. You see this on MMORPGs a lot. Little napoleons who think that the game they're playing belongs to them, and that they are the ones in control of it. If the game permits it, they'll make their appearance of some supreme, all powerful fictional character too. What's hilarious is when they try to push their moral ideals onto private servers, especially the type that generally don't care if you call someone choice words and mess with them. The admins come in and partake in the harassment of the little kiss ass, usually causing them to leave, or in some extreme cases, wage a little bitchfest flamewar against the admins, and threaten to "take control and get everyone to mutiny". It happened to me once, when someone was trying to get me to enforce rules on a forum I had NO control over, nor knew existed. Also talked to me about crap I had no idea about, as if I knew certain people. I told him to go away, and for the next five months, he kept evading bans, sending long-winded, 10-20 page emails (print previewed them, holy shit!) about how he will have the "last laugh" and have me removed from power and give him what rightfully belongs to him, etc. It was amusing as it was annoying at the same time.

Then you have the naive ones who really think they're helping make the internet a better place by reporting everyone for everything, and don't seem the grasp the concept of filtering, or newbies who don't know or understand the rules. I had a friend once who did that, I still think they do it too. They go on a report frenzy on a site where all that stuff is allowed, and don't quite understand that the people in charge don't care. My explanation of this is why we are no longer friends :)

What's sad is these people are so stuck to their "morals" of being the teacher's pet, and reporting and trying to control everyone's thoughts, is that they are blind to everything around them, and don't see that most admins and mods do not give two shits about the "problem" and have bigger issues to control, like GNAA spam or some other troll group.

Also, the chances of some little crybaby hugbox dwelling asspie reporting this post now is 100%

TL;DR (1)

KGIII (973947) | more than 5 years ago | (#25679927)

Some random text here to fool the silly filters...

"Usually persistence is an admirable quality." (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25680235)

Is this the philosophy you're following keeping this drivel going on the front page?

I want some of what he is doing (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25680239)

Man, I wish I could do drugs all day and come up with this cool sh*t. Oh wait, I did that already.... Anyone can have an idea. It is the DOERS that matter. Your ideas are entertaining, Now maybe someone can make some money by actually doing something with them... yeah right... the entertainment value is about all the value they are ever going to have.

Mr. MC Shampoo (1)

Strange Quark Star (1157447) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680325)

This guy should team up with the Time Cube person. Then they'd rule the earth with their infinite knowledge and (invented) ideas. I wonder if Shampoo already "invented" this idea.

obligatory repsonse to the first guy: (2, Funny)

nitehawk214 (222219) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680391)

Always relevant. [xkcd.net]

Shampoo - an old habit. (1)

rickb928 (945187) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680417)

First saw this on Usenet, quite a while ago.

Ah, Usenet. Home of whackadoodles extraordinaire.

For lack of a better term (1)

JoelisHere (992325) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680419)

Did anyone else crack up when they read this jewel,

"...I was disbelieved, and for lack of a better term I was "hung up on" via the phone..."

This is Al Gore (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25680569)

I invented Shampoo.

Aaaa! (1)

nsayer (86181) | more than 5 years ago | (#25680865)

Hi, wondermike! I'm shampoo, and I'm the captain of the gravy train!

My fruitful invention (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25681229)

There is a fruitful idea that I have invented which is a way people can see a the sperm donor as well as obtain the sperm directly from him. The client could then select and solicit a donation from any available sperm donor. The resulting child will look similar to what the sperm donor looks like and what the female purchaser looks like. This idea was invented by God.

Shampoo, I find you are in violation of my intellectual property and demand that you be divested of the proceeds you have unlawfully obtained from it's usage. Report to the nearest place of worship to be stripped of your ill gotten gains (i.e. your life).

- God

New invention... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25681445)

"The laser is powerful enough to destroy every city on the planet at will. We'll turn the moon into what I like to call a 'Death Star'. Since my 'death star' laser was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. I thought we'd name it in his honor the Alan Parsons Project."

well (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#25682021)

tl;dr

Addenda (1)

fuego451 (958976) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682489)

After losing his testicles in one of his trademark 'thought inventions' gone horribly wrong, Mr Shampoo retired from inventing to become technical advisor for the Discovery Channel's 'Storm Chasers'.

The truth is in the name... (1)

Lazyrust (1101059) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682571)

Sham Poo. Both of which are applicable to his emails.

My eyes! (2, Interesting)

dougal04 (1336825) | more than 5 years ago | (#25682719)

My eyes started hurting almost halfway through so i had my borwser read the text to me. Shampoo was even funnier being read in a in a creepy monotone-like voice. I use the Opera web browser [opera.com]
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