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A Sixth Region In the Magnetosphere

timothy posted more than 5 years ago | from the difracting-imposed-distinctions dept.

Earth 69

Roland Piquepaille writes "As you probably know, Earth's magnetosphere, 'the invisible bubble of magnetic fields and electrically charged particles that surrounds and protects the planet from the periodically lethal radiation of the solar wind,' was discovered in 1958. Until now, it was believed to comprise five regions, including the ionosphere or the Van Allen radiation belts. Now, a US research team has discovered a sixth region, called the warm plasma cloak."

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69 comments

offtopic (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112243)

um, what's with the red? is it because of the magnetosphere?

Re:offtopic (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112313)

Who cares about red? I WANT BROWN!!!! A couple weeks ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john, Barack Obama -- the messiah himself -- came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was busy and in any case I was sure the secret service wouldn't even let me shake his hand.

As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured. The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as his cock -- or at least as I imagined it!

I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a liberal democrat and had been on the Obama train since last year. Of course I'd had fantasies of meeting him, sucking his cock and balls, not to mention sucking his asshole clean, but I never imagined I would have the chance. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of Barack Obama, the chosen one.

Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract?

I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled.

I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big half nigger cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was that Barack Obama wasn't there to see my loyalty and wash it down with his piss.

I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit. It's even better than listening to an Obama speech!

Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my handkerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom.

I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.

I often think of Barack Obama dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful democrat.

Obligatory xkcd (0, Offtopic)

Anthony_Cargile (1336739) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112949)

http://www.xkcd.com/493/ [xkcd.com] . Since your personal hero is apparently our current president, however, I'm not going to predict when he's going to die. But the last surviving member of That 70's Show bites the dust in 2049, however :D.

Re:Obligatory xkcd (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26122465)

Milla Kunis will only be 66 in 2049. Some of the other cast members are young enough for it to be reasonable for them to still be alive as well.

It's velvety soft, too (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112253)

At least according to Magneto, who says he's been sleeping in it since it was discovered.

Eh, I've had better (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112531)

Replied the magnetosphere, in reference to the above comment.

Re:Eh, I've had better (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112953)

Are you saying it has a different orientation? Perhaps it would prefer Polaris?

Huh. (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112261)

What is the impact of this discovery, to those who don't understand?

Re:Huh. (1)

TheRealMindChild (743925) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112607)

Not much really. It will make their models of the effect of solar storms a small fraction of a percentile more accurate, but it is nothing the lay man should even care about.

Re:Huh. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26113879)

Some days I wish I was a lay man.

Now we see it (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112355)

Its been a warm, fuzzy protector for years, but we are only now waking up to see what it truly is.

Um, I for one welcome our newly found warm plasma overlords!

Mmmm toasty... (1)

djpeebz (935446) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112357)

A warm plasma cloak sounds like the ideal seasonal gift. Where do I get one?

Re:Mmmm toasty... (2, Insightful)

beav007 (746004) | more than 5 years ago | (#26115193)

Now, a US research team has discovered a sixth region, called the warm plasma cloak.

I don't get how they actually got the name. Did it have a label on it when they found it? Did they ask it what its name is?

Seems to me that that should read "Now, a US research team has discovered a sixth region, and have called it the warm plasma cloak."

ohnoitsroland (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112453)

Isn't it time to stop with the "ohnoitsroland" tags? While the guy used to annoy the hell out of me with his blogwhoring links, he actually cleaned up his act - his contributions nowadays link to real articles instead of his blog, and some of the stuff he links to is actually quite good...

/Posting anonymously to avoid the -1 Offtopic mods I'm sure to get

Re:ohnoitsroland (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112509)

Start tagging his articles "hoorayitsroland" and everyone else will join in.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26114475)

I've been doing "ohgooditsroland" for a while now. He stopped with the blog-whoring, and he delivers far more interesting content to Slashdot than some of the editors do.

I mean, his posts aren't Science.Ars or anything, but sometimes they're the most interesting thing on the front page.

Re:ohnoitsroland (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112541)

Isn't it time to stop with the "ohnoitsroland" tags?

Slashdot tradition is more important than any one single person here. It's bigger than any of us, except maybe Natalie Portman, petrified.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112553)

As right as you may be, I still get a chuckle every time I see the "ohnoitsroland" even though it may not be a bad thing. He's like a character here on slashdot.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112637)

I've been trying to tag "frequent Slashdot contributer Bennett Haselton"'s articles "ohnoitsbennett" but so far it hasn't caught on. :(

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112897)

Sure, just as soon as the Eds post the accepted/rejected ratio for Roland so we can see how it compares with the rest of us.

Re:ohnoitsroland (1)

dkf (304284) | more than 5 years ago | (#26114455)

Sure, just as soon as the Eds post the accepted/rejected ratio for Roland so we can see how it compares with the rest of us.

Hang about. Have you looked at the firehose? The amount of crap that gets submitted to the editors is just amazing. Roland seems to be good at writing just the right amount to make a good story, and so gets accepted frequently. Got a beef with it? Write plenty of good stories yourself. (It's very hard to do well; I've tried...)

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26118773)

Hang about. Have you looked at the firehose? The amount of crap that gets submitted to the editors is just amazing. Roland seems to be good at writing just the right amount to make a good story, and so gets accepted frequently. Got a beef with it? Write plenty of good stories yourself. (It's very hard to do well; I've tried...)

What, you think Slashdot submissions are accepted based on whether they're good, well-written stories?

You must be new here...

Re:ohnoitsroland (1)

Lord_Dweomer (648696) | more than 5 years ago | (#26122289)

Hang about. Have you looked at the firehose? The amount of crap that gets submitted to the editors is just amazing. Roland seems to be good at writing just the right amount to make a good story, and so gets accepted frequently.

You do realize that the question of Roland's accepted/rejected ratio and his apparent Slashdot spam has been a hot topic here LOOOONG before the firehose was created right? It isn't just "good writing" that gets him posted.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26122907)

You realize that a small contingent of losers spend far too much time deriding this guy for no fucking reason, right?

Surprise surprise, unsocialized nerds on the internet are assholes. Color me shocked.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26116349)

Small men compare their achievements to those of others. Great men compare their achievements to their own goals.

Re:ohnoitsroland (1)

ari_j (90255) | more than 5 years ago | (#26113733)

I don't pay attention to that ... I just filter out blogwhoring and retarded stories, for the most part. So, being out of the loop, I thought Roland in the tags referred to King Roland [wikipedia.org] , especially given the subject matter of this particular story.

Re:ohnoitsroland (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26127479)

Isn't it time to stop with the "ohnoitsroland" tags? While the guy used to annoy the hell out of me with his blogwhoring links, he actually cleaned up his act - his contributions nowadays link to real articles instead of his blog, and some of the stuff he links to is actually quite good...

/Posting anonymously to avoid the -1 Offtopic mods I'm sure to get

Nice Try, Roland. But we're on to you.

Only wraps around 3/4 of the planet... (4, Funny)

RabidMoose (746680) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112565)

...but it used to fit, back when the Earth was in High School. It seems we have already succumbed to Global Fattening.

Re:Only wraps around 3/4 of the planet... (2, Insightful)

Valdrax (32670) | more than 5 years ago | (#26114553)

It seems we have already succumbed to Global Fattening.

Strange how Texas always seems to be the epicenter for these things.

Re:Only wraps around 3/4 of the planet... (4, Insightful)

Chrisje (471362) | more than 5 years ago | (#26117815)

How is that a troll?

It's funny and pretty accurate. The US is one of the fattest nations on the planet, and most of the fattest cities are located in Texas. This has been documented.

That's not a troll unless you happen to be an obese Texan with mod points. Sadly I can neither moderate nor meta-moderate right now, but that 0 Troll is undeserved.

Re:Only wraps around 3/4 of the planet... (1)

krnpimpsta (906084) | more than 5 years ago | (#26118977)

...but it used to fit, back when the Earth was in High School. It seems we have already succumbed to Global Fattening.

You know, some people actually believe that to be literally true.

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjgidAICoQI [youtube.com]

FUck off Roland (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112589)

Go die in a fire.

slashdot (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26112677)

the land of fags, fucktards and muslim sympathizers. god damn bitches.

Warm Plasma in a bottle (1)

Nethead (1563) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112893)

So, will my solid-state ham radio still work or will I have to dig out the vacuum tube rig?

stupid parsing brain (3, Funny)

haaz (3346) | more than 5 years ago | (#26112941)

So I was sitting here trying to figure out how there could be a sixth religion, much less any religion, in the magnetosphere.

Further proof, as if any were needed, that I am a Dork.

As you probably know... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26113125)

Why do you expect most readers to know that the magnetosphere was discovered in '58?

Warm plasma cloak (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26113403)

+ 60 stamina
+ 100 defense
+ 10 agility

[can only be worn by large solestial bodies]

Re:Warm plasma cloak (1)

phillous (1160303) | more than 5 years ago | (#26118445)

tanking cloak?
/pass

"Warm Plasma Cloak" sounded more like a spell damage cloak if you asked me... probably with mp5 or spirit which would fit my priest quite nicely.

say ....what? (1)

hesaigo999ca (786966) | more than 5 years ago | (#26114055)

I am not sure how to take this, are we supposed to now split the ozone into continents, and know which of these continents represent which area.....seriously, I believe that the ozone as one layer
no need to waste time splicing up the ozone into regions, unless you plan to patent something in a particular zone a la M$.

Re:say ....what? (1)

Chrisje (471362) | more than 5 years ago | (#26117883)

Ah. So you see the atmosphere and magnetosphere as this large "thing" about which the only interesting tid-bit would be the Ozone layer? Did you read the Article? Or this wiki [wikipedia.org] ? Or anything on our solar system for that matter?

The Ozone layer predominantly exists in the Stratosphere and it has no inherent connection to this article about the Magnetosphere. Let's just put it like this: Ozone layer makes sure we don't die because of too high concentrations of high frequency UV. The Magnetosphere makes sure we don't die because of the barrage of charged particles the sun spews at us all the time.

Since they both seem to enable our continued existence, I for one welcome our magnetosphere researching overlords. Always good to know what is needed to keep on living.

How Microsoft enters this picture just boggles the mind. I'm not sure what you've been eating, but if I were you I'd lay off the MJ.

Re:say ....what? (1)

hesaigo999ca (786966) | more than 5 years ago | (#26119963)

Your right, absolutely right when you say I did not read the article...
But you did not answer my question, even though you did educate me on the difference abouit the ozone layer and the magnetic layer (thanks for that).

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF DEFINING REGIONS TO THE MAGNETOSPHERE?

Re:say ....what? (1)

CyberLord Seven (525173) | more than 5 years ago | (#26120743)

We don't know yet, and we may not know for some time.

It's good to know that there are separate regions and their approximate locations. This will help some future student understand some strange phenomena he/she has noticed. This will lead to a better model of just what the magneto-shere is and does.

This may help people locate and identify planets with the potential for life by identifying their magneto-spheres. This may also help us understand just what we need to survive here, as in Global Warming.

Yeah, I know some of you may be rolling your eyes, but if we did not understand the Ozone layer we might not have understood how dangerous our current activities are until it was much too late.

Bottom line: science and understanding how the Earth works in ALWAYS in our best interests!

Do we care? (1)

Rytr23 (704409) | more than 5 years ago | (#26116649)

Isn't the whole "magnetoshpere" going away anyways? Shouldn't we be spending time looking at how to save the planet from becoming Mars V2? Or it could just be those silly poles flipping again..

Q: Do we care? A: No. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26116837)

In the cosmic scheme of things nobody cares.

Re:Do we care? (1)

GradiusCVK (1017360) | more than 5 years ago | (#26117513)

So even though this makes it clear that we do not even understand the fundamentals of the magnetosphere, we should stop wasting time trying to understand it and just focus all our energy on trying to change it...

Possible punch-lines:
Al Gore, is that you?
Let me go out on a limb here and say you drive a hybrid and think people who don't are "ignorant"...
Quick, everyone turn on all your electrical devices to help reinforce Earth's magnetic field!

Re:Do we care? (1)

aidian (15489) | more than 5 years ago | (#26126249)

Yes, we care. The magnetosphere both affects radio propagation and protects us from solar radiation. Since I guess I'm the only person on /. left who's over age 12, let me remind you of the major blackout that happened in 1989 from a solar flare that pounded right through what geomagnetic protection we've got. It killed some satellites, iirc, and fried a large chunk of the canadian power grid. The magnetosphere is useful and interesting, and knowing how it works can at least prepare us to... look forward to any coming apocalypse... Hmm.

Aside from that, some re-figuring of how propagation works to take advantage of this new layer for long-range radio communication may occur, if possible. It could result in a new something to bounce radio waves off of, and that's always exciting.

Either way, it gives us data about our environment.

So yes, yes we do care, because we care about SCIENCE! *finger thrusting into the air*

Otherwise, no, feel free to not give a shit. :D

Yummy (1)

scottgfx (68236) | more than 5 years ago | (#26117321)

Mmmmmm, a warm plasma cloak, covered in rich dark chocolate, and inside is a chewy nougat center!

Not quite right... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26120265)

The article doesn't get the name quite right. It's a +1 Warm Plasma Cloak. Can't just go defending against radiation without some kind of bonus!

Warm Plasma Cloak and Dagger (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26120521)

So, now the Earth is involved in cloak and dagger affairs?

Nexus-Prince Shaffar drop? (1)

j_edge (20712) | more than 5 years ago | (#26123055)

I'm pretty sure I saw the Warm Plasma Cloak drop off the Nexus Prince in Mana-Tombs on Heroic...

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