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The Web Braces For Inauguration Traffic

timothy posted more than 5 years ago | from the data-swamp-in-actual-swamp dept.

Communications 212

1sockchuck writes "Web sites and social networks are scaling up for huge traffic during today's Inauguration. Photo sharing sites are expecting a surge in volume around the noontime swearing-in, while Twitter has doubled its capacity. Some net watchers say peak volume may not match the record levels seen on Election Night 2008 (as reported by Akamai's Net Usage Index). As noted yesterday, DC-area wireless networks are the most likely bottleneck for messaging and photo sharing. "

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I'm on the Mall right now (5, Funny)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528459)

It's pretty freaking cold! Lots of energy and excitement here in the crowd.

There are so many people here, it's hard to believe that this crowd is overshadowing the Million Man March as far as numbers of people goes.

I took a leak earlier. It was so cold, the urine stream was sublimating to steam before it hit the bottom.

I can't wait to see Obama on the dais!

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (2, Funny)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528529)

Some dudes just started a fight about 20 feet from me. Looks like security has calmed it down.

I shouldn't have drank all that coffee... Not feeling all that great.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528577)

Please, tell us more about strangers having a fight (how unusual!) and your steaming urine.

I know you're excited and all, but you're sort of embarrassing yourself.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528615)

I think I just saw Samuel L. Jackson!

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528637)

False alarm. It was just some dude in a skull cap.

Something is happening. A lot of people have started murmuring.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528679)

look out for the snakes!! on the dais!!

check out the big brain on barack!

in France they call the inauguration "la royale with cheese"

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528687)

How are you on Slashdot? Android?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529263)

How are you on Slashdot? Android?

Dude, I can post on Slashdot even from my fairly low-end LG LX-260 (Rumor) on Sprint. You don't need Android, iPhone or other smartphone to do that.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528713)

It's warming up a bit. This thing is supposed to get rolling in an hour or so. The lines for the bathroom are pretty long.

Anyone else here?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (2, Insightful)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528747)

Good God, what is the big fucking deal with all the inauguration here? I mean, sure, it is important in that it is the orderly transition of power in the US, but, really people, why are some treating this as the second coming of Christ?

It is just the swearing in of another president....can't we just look at the digested version on the nights news?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0, Flamebait)

Hordeking (1237940) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528961)

Good God, what is the big fucking deal with all the inauguration here? I mean, sure, it is important in that it is the orderly transition of power in the US, but, really people, why are some treating this as the second coming of Christ?

It is just the swearing in of another president....can't we just look at the digested version on the nights news?

Welcome the new Man. Same as the old Man.

Didn't you know? The messiah be here, and his name is Massa Barack Hussein Obama

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529271)

your guy and gal lost, you betcha, now get over it you traitorous coward

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

Hordeking (1237940) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529503)

your guy and gal lost, you betcha, now get over it you traitorous coward

McCain and Palin weren't right for the job, either. My opinion is that no man who wants to be president should ever be elected president.

I'm not sure why my last comment was marked as flamebait. I was responding to his comments about this president being such a big to do. He's right. It's supposed to be an orderly transition of power, not a circus. I just pointed out that Obama (new Man) won't be any different from Bush, Clinton, or any of the rest of them (the old Men).

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

MightyYar (622222) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529363)

Good God, what is the big fucking deal with all the inauguration here?

Some of us are pretty excited about the progression of race relations in the US.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

Hordeking (1237940) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529545)

Good God, what is the big fucking deal with all the inauguration here?

Some of us are pretty excited about the progression of race relations in the US.

Somehow I doubt that it will be, given that a fairly large portion of the people I've talked to think he was elected because of his race.

Personally, I think it's because he's a silver-tongued devil who sings a sweet siren song.

No, he'll fall on his face like every other president.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

RMH101 (636144) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529485)

Just wait for the "one more thing" moment at the end where he's going to wheel out Steve Jobs as Chief Technology Officer

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528751)

What really gets me is this mass of humanity all pretty much getting along.

Look to the cookie!

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528789)

Boy howdy. You can't say you've lived until you've seen a fat, naked hippie in red, white, and blue bodypaint getting tackled by security.

People are starting to push from behind me...

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528823)

Someone just said Mohammed Ali is on the dais. I can't see him from here.

I wish I hadn't come alone. My stomach is killing me, the lines to the portapotties are long, and I don't have anyone to watch my stuff.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528889)

your by the minute updates, when all strung together, are hilarious!

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528893)

drop a deuce dude!

now that's the proper way to celebrate the departure of Bush/Cheney -- by dropping a nice runny, sulfurous, bowl filling turd. Congrats!

-1, needs more emo (1)

coryking (104614) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528913)

Did you eat toast this morning? Was it burnt? Did your cat ignore you like he always does? Nobody loving you? Is your nails painted black like the sun?

Come on man, this is the internet. You are getting peoples hopes up with this happy talk.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528915)

Speaking of Sam Jackson, I'm a mushroom-cloud layin' motherfucker. Just ask the good folks who are stewing in the parfum de Egg McMuffin.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0, Offtopic)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529017)

That fucking beachball bounced this way. What is it with everyone becoming a drooling 3 year old when it bounces their way?

Some guy stepped on my foot in the clamor to be the one to bounce the ball back.

On a happier note, one guy sent his kid out for drinks and he brought back bottled water for a bunch of us.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529075)

Oh! US Reps coming out now!

The Jumbotron has several burnt-out pixels...

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529179)

Standing in line for the bathroom...

You can easily see the uniformed security. They are everywhere. But you can also figure out the plain-clothes security as well. They don't stand in one place very long and look at everyone suspiciously.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529275)

lol. Some dude just pissed on the side of one of the porta-potties.

Piss yourself or become a sex offender. What a choice.

Maybe a few more honey buckets would have been useful! You hear me, Parks Dept?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529423)

Now we're talking! Only a dozen more people in front of me.

Lots of cheering now. Not for me, I'm sure. My view of the Jumbotron is obscured. I guess Obama is almost here?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529553)

There's big cheers! I still can't see anything though.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

Hordeking (1237940) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529577)

Don't go to any airports if you do leave your stuff alone for a moment. They'll ask you if your stuff has been handled by anyone you don't know about.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (2, Informative)

mweather (1089505) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529407)

Slashdot is not Twitter. We don't care.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528777)

we need more bathroom and piss stories!!

who would have thought...the 1st African American president, the departure of Bush and Cheney, 2-4 million Americans celebrating the peaceful transition of power and the hope for the future of America, and the focus of your blogging: urine

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1)

Neoprofin (871029) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529207)

This is super "meta"!

Twitter might go down, so he's using slashdot AS TWITTER! I hope it was a big joke he was just waiting for someone to point out.

Otherwise I'm kinda annoyed.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528775)

Yeah all them niggers look the same, don't they?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528535)

You mean evaporating. Sublimation is when a solid turns directly into a gas, skipping the liquid phase, as heated iodine and dry ice do at (or slightly above) STP.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528613)

There is no standard temperature!
Standard conditions simply state a pure substance at one bar!
But you're right about the sublimation.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528683)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_conditions_for_temperature_and_pressure

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528855)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_state [wikipedia.org]

IUPAC recommends using a standard pressure po = 1 bar (100 kilopascals). Strictly speaking, temperature is not part of the definition of a standard state.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529511)

heated iodine and dry ice. Yummy!

What a country we live in... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528587)

Where else could a woman have a senate seat gift-wrapped for her for the simple facts that she's a Kennedy and her uncle is a murdering drunkard with a fat pancake face?

Re:What a country we live in... (1)

mweather (1089505) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529563)

And where else can partisan zealots harp on and on for 40 years about a single traffic fatality? Seriously, it's been 40 years. Let it go already.

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (2, Funny)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528721)

"There are so many people here, it's hard to believe that this crowd is overshadowing the Million Man March as far as numbers of people goes."

Considering they MMM fell WAY short of a Million people...that's not saying much.

:)

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (4, Funny)

waferbuster (580266) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528863)

I can't believe that a First Post that includes references to Frosty Piss got modded informative!

Piss your pants to keep warm, fool. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529013)

I'll bet a huge steaming load of crap in your drawers will warm things up a bit, too. Or maybe you can cuddle naked with that cuddly teddy bear Rep. Bahney Fwank!

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529125)

Were you asked to do this? Don't you have a site of your own? Is this so later you can talk about how you reported from Obama's Inauguration?

Re:I'm on the Mall right now (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529317)

Maybe his urine comes out as a solid, then sublimates.
That would hurt.

Think about the Librarians! (1)

Stereoface (1400061) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528493)

I would think it's a good move considering, this is an event that is going to go down in history- Imagine how all the librarians feel around the world when books and newspapers come in the thousands next month- They can't just double their capacity.

In & out (2, Funny)

orzetto (545509) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528525)

As Obama is sworn in, I will swear out loud because I will lose teh intarwebs...

Re:In & out (1)

tsalmark (1265778) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529491)

My provider is already sinking: 14 packets transmitted, 9 received, 35% packet loss, time 13179ms rtt min/avg/max/mdev = 164.654/193.069/225.218/19.923 ms

thewebisnotananimateobject (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528533)

Hmmm... I tend to disagree.

-WWW

Re:thewebisnotananimateobject (1)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529311)

Hello? Tim Berners-Lee? Is that you?

Historical Moment (5, Insightful)

Chabil Ha' (875116) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528557)

Whether you voted for the guy or not, one cannot deny the magnitude of Barack Obama's clinching of the U.S. Presidency. This past election has seen a level of participation from a large cross-section of our nation, showing America's concern for it's future, both home and abroad. While the tea leaves aren't revealing much about what the future holds, one can see that we have chosen to go down a different path than we have been going for the past eight years.

It will be interesting in Obama's freshman year to see the challenges that confront him, how he'll deal with them, and how the public will react. I think more than anything, Barack will have trouble living up to the image of a 'Cristo Negro de Esquipulas', as many look at him as a messiah of sorts for the nation. That aside, we have a unique moment in history in which we will be asked what it was like when the first African American president was inaugurated, to which we'll reply that it was both exciting and uncertain. Exciting because it seems that we have grown from our bigoted and biased past, but uncertain, not because he's black, but because of the economic and foreign calamities and troubles that have been layed before us.

Re:Historical Moment (-1, Flamebait)

zappepcs (820751) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528741)

Since this is the day for it, let me try to put a bit more truth into what you say:

Whether you voted for the guy or not, one cannot deny the magnitude of the ramifications of Barack Obama's election to the U.S. Presidency.

This past election has seen a level of participation from a large cross-section of our nation, showing America's disdain for both the Bush administration and the Republicans who supported him, both home and abroad. While the tea leaves aren't revealing much about what the future holds, Obama's statments and actions so far show us that we have chosen to go down a different path than we have been going for the past eight years, but one that ultimately leads to the same destination as Obama's clubs and associations are similar or near enough to identical to those of Clinton and Bush.

It will be interesting in Obama's freshman year to see how he'll deal with the mess left by W, and if the Republic will survive. I think more than anything, Barack will have trouble living up to the image of a 'Cristo Negro de Esquipulas', as many wrongly look at him as a messiah of sorts for the nation. That aside, we have a unique moment in history in which we will be asked what it was like when the first African American president was inaugurated, to which we'll reply that it was both exciting and uncertain. Exciting because it seems that we have grown from our bigoted and biased past, but uncertain, not because he's black, but because of the economic and foreign calamities and troubles that have been layed before us.

I like to think of Barak as a little weevil. He was certainly the lesser of two evils. That said, there is little expectation among many of us for Obama to do much of anything beyond mere appeasement to attempt to keep the momentum going. He only promises change, not change we need as defined by people that DO understand the economy, the constitution, and empire building.

Re:Historical Moment (1, Insightful)

Skreems (598317) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528879)

News flash: some of the population -- I would argue a majority of the population -- don't want this country to engage in empire building in the first place. Maybe this disconnect is part of why you don't understand what we see in him.

Re:Historical Moment (1)

zappepcs (820751) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529061)

Understanding empire building does not require that you build one or keep it going. To dismantle an empire, you must understand how it was built. I didn't say that very well in my original post. I figured it would get modded as flamebait, but better to have said it up front than simply claim I thought it 2 years from now.

Re:Historical Moment (2, Insightful)

OneSmartFellow (716217) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528743)

It is indeed an historical moment. Yet again another peaceful revolution right on schedule.

Or at least that's what all the minorities are hoping. I think when reality finally bites, and they all realize that Obama can't and won't give them all a new car, and pay their mortgage, they might suddenly realize that perhaps he isn't really the messiah.

What they should be looking at is the fact that the affirmative action programs, welfare, and everything else that has been thrown at minorites in the US for the past two or three decades is about to dry up. I hope they're prepared, but I doubt it.

Re:Historical Moment (2, Insightful)

elrous0 (869638) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528917)

I hate to post an "I agree" response, but this messiah shit it getting out of hand. I live in a state with a significant minority population, and a good chunk of them didn't even come into work today. I know he's an important symbol, but in the end he's just another politician. It's one thing the think he's going to be at least somewhat better than Bush (it would be hard NOT to meet that standard). But it's quite another thing to think he's going to turn water to wine and make all the bad shit go away with the wave of his hand.

Re:Historical Moment (1)

MightyYar (622222) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529433)

and a good chunk of them didn't even come into work today.

I'll be watching it. Hell, I've gone in late to work because I was up late watching the super bowl... surely you'd agree that this is a bigger deal than the super bowl?

Re:Historical Moment (1)

0100010001010011 (652467) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528799)

Why is it that when my cousin or friends are interracial they're not "black enough", but when Obama's mom is a straight up Kansas girl, he's the "First African American President."

My continually bringing this 'fact' up we keep pointing out some imaginary racial boundary. Obama is our 44th president. I certainly hope everyone out there voted for him because of his credentials not because of some melanin mutation. (Or lack there of).

Re:Historical Moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528809)

Indeed.

But I'm wondering:

Where is the flood of pardons that Bush was supposed to issue? Where's the "ALERT LEVEL RED" and martial law that Bush was supposed to use to hold power?

Oh wait, that was all just psychotic ramblings of fucking idiots.

Re:Historical Moment (4, Informative)

jcnnghm (538570) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528819)

Whether you voted for the guy or not, one cannot deny the magnitude of Barack Obama's clinching of the U.S. Presidency. This past election has seen a level of participation from a large cross-section of our nation, showing America's concern for it's future, both home and abroad.

This is media-generated crap. 56.8% of the voting-age population voted in 2008, up from 55.3% in 2004, but below 1960, 64, and 68 at 63.1%, 61.9%, and 60.8% respectively. While the media would like you to believe that people turned out in unprecedented numbers solely to support Obama, that's not the case.

Re:Historical Moment (1)

Attila Dimedici (1036002) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528979)

I am not sure what your basis for saying that this election had "seen a level of participation from a large cross-section of our nation" as a reason to declare the magnitude of of Barack Obama becoming President. All of the reports I have seen of actual numbers say that turnout for this last election looks pretty much like turnout for every Presidential election in the U.S.

Re:Historical Moment (4, Insightful)

Neoprofin (871029) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529103)

I don't mean to be a public buzzkill, but so far it looks like Obama's presidency is Clinton 2.0. Tweak out a few bugs, change the color scheme, but everything under the hood is still running the same. Barack Obama's greatest achievement thus far has been one of marketing, convincing everyone that despite his voting record and his cabinet appointments that he's somehow different from any other candidate.

Don't worry though, the popularity of Barack Obama tattoos [cnn.com] clearly shows that all of this new found political interest is having a positive effect. I mean why give money to charity or spend your time helping your common man when you can "be a part of history" and indulge your desire to declare that you're with the in crowd?

I voted for Obama, I think he's the better man for the job, but this cult of personality has gotten people happy for all of the wrong reasons, and I honestly hope that in the next 4 years we judge the man on his actions, not on this, as you state, messiah image we have for him.

Re:Historical Moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529295)

Obama is black? What?

2 million people? (3, Informative)

obzidian (591525) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528581)

CNN saying there are close to 2 million live in Washington. One of the biggest turn outs ever. You better believe web traffic is going to be busy!

Re:2 million people? (3, Insightful)

cashman73 (855518) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528757)

The real question is, are all these people celebrating Obama being installed into office, or Dubya leaving? ;-)

A bigger question, really (1)

coryking (104614) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529027)

I'm positive there are those "countdown until the end of the Bush Era" javascripts, java apps, billboards, phone apps, whatever. What happens when those counters hit zero? How many easter eggs you think are buried in those countdown programs?

Will this be like a mini-Y2K where planes fall from the sky because their bush-countdown clock used an unsigned int and crashed?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Re:2 million people? (3, Funny)

mrops (927562) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529053)

See how many of them have shoes in their hands.

Re:2 million people? (2, Interesting)

theredshoes (1308621) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529055)

I think it is a bit of both. :) I am happy because it signifies a change, sets the tone for the next four years. Bush was handed a raw deal in the first four years, then kind of snow jobbed us the other four, in general.

I don't think people think Obama is the messiah, that is a bit much. I think most people think he will be a better president than Bush though, but Obama is a politician, and you know he has quite a job ahead of him. Let him have his day though, it is a day of celebration, not to speculate on everything! That will start tomorrow, LOL

Hope he does a good job! (1)

drewzhrodague (606182) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528597)

Boy, I hope Obama does a good job. There's already things that make me kinda frowny, like bailout expenses, telecom immunity, and choices of people for office. Again, it seems like business as usual for our government, but I can't help but to -- hope.

Re:Hope he does a good job! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528715)

Awww you don't like Hilary? Deal with her, us NYers dealt with her for like 8 years.

Fucking cunt.

Re:Hope he does a good job! (1)

nschubach (922175) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529255)

I can't help but to -- hope.

There seems to be a lot of that going around. When will people realize that hope doesn't get things done?

The only hope I have is that he doesn't screw this up so bad that racism takes a turn for the worse. IMHO, he's just another guy. I follow the ideals that racism has two faces. One of repression and one of recognition. Lifting him up on a pedestal just because he's part black will only make a failure hurt worse. If he screws up in any way, it will forever be known as the biggest failure in the world by those with racist tendencies.

More Tubes (1)

jDeepbeep (913892) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528653)

This is the solution. Add more tubes.

Re:More Tubes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528857)

It is my guess that the internet will autoregulate. As people follow the inauguration they don't have time to follow start new p2p downloads (depending on their level of attention, of course), leaving enough room for the inaugration video streaming.

Your official guide to the Jigaboo presidency (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528675)

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.

INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.

CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat

HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.

FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.

MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often good runners, too, to enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your niggers can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.

ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy include: 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your nigger's pants down, hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers thrash it with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and sobbing. 2) Lynch the nigger: niggers are cheap and there are millions more where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and lynch a nigger.

Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and then you can lynch another one). 3) Nigger dragging: Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph. Your nigger's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is painless for the nigger, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2), except you can lynch your nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood. 5) Hunt the nigger: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a nigger, as they are highly toxic.

DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS.
Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the nigger and dispose of it for you.

COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS - MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESIVE
Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are we, short of niggers or something?

MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.

WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).

MY NIGGER BITCHES ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.

MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. - WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A NIGGER?
A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".

MY NIGGER ACTS LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!

IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.

MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD
And you were expecting what?

SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger storage"? .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.

Re:Your official guide to the Jigaboo presidency (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529337)

Why is this modded troll? It's never been more relevant.

I hate being in class right now (-1, Troll)

SpanishInquisition0 (1297663) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528689)

I'll miss the moment when someone tries to shoot him.

Twitter Will Be Down... (1, Flamebait)

WebmasterNeal (1163683) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528725)

...Most likely because it's back-end appears to be running on a MS Access database.

Zoo (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528739)

Is it true that Inauguration will take in a Washington zoo ?
For some reason it seems to be deeply appropriate.

Someday in the future (1)

coryking (104614) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528745)

We should move the whole election / inauguration business so that our* president gets sworn in during summer and at a time when people aren't at work. Seriously, he will be sworn in at 9am pacific time on a Tuesday. If it was me, we'd all vote for president in May and swear the person in at 6pm eastern (9pm pacific) in mid-June.

Any reason for this being in January besides aligning with the new year?

* apologies to those not in the united states.

Re:Someday in the future (2, Informative)

RagingFuryBlack (956453) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528815)

The president of the united states used to be sworn in on March 4 at Noon in Washington DC. This was changed by the 20th Amendment in order to cut down on the lame duck time that the president spent in office. If the president was sworn in during the month of June, we'd see more of a time where the executive branch of the government was essentially powerless.

Well (1)

coryking (104614) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528875)

Obviously any attempt to move the date would also move the election. If anything, I'd say the 3 month gap between election and inauguration is proving to long.

This whole two year long election season has proven one thing to me--the system is showing its age and needs to be revised to meet the needs of our quick-fix, one-hour photo, instant-oatmeal society. Make the primary season shorter, remove the gap between the conventions and the general election, move the general election to the spring and give a month and a half for a transition instead of three.

Of course, there is a heck of a lot of inertia behind the system as-is, and I don't see any politician burning their political capital getting it improved.

Re:Well (1)

peragrin (659227) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529335)

You do realizethat officail tallies of the election count and various court challeneges take well into Decemember every year? You might be able to shave two weeks off the time but that is about it. Heck this year the votes of Michigan and another state didn't certify their final tallies till mid decemember. In your instant model mistakes will happen with out some correction time.

good point (1)

coryking (104614) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529425)

Never thought about the recounts and stuff. I guess there has to be a minimum lag between election and inauguration.

Re:Someday in the future (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529449)

If it was me, we'd all vote for president in May and swear the person in at 6pm eastern (9pm pacific) in mid-June.

6pm EST == 3pm PST

fuCk a bitch (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528783)

Keep 0neecessary

What information does the inauguration add? (2, Interesting)

Thanshin (1188877) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528831)

Ok, there will be pictures and videos that don't exist now but beyond that, what information does the actual inauguration add?

Does someone expect it to fail? Do you expect a magnicide? Someone to reveal breaking information about a miscount? What?

Do you think he'll do something unexpected? Dance? Sing?

Whatever people are going to say then, they can say right now. It's not an information adding event as the end of an election, or the result of an olympic competition.

Maybe I'm wrong and the president waits to inauguration day to really reveal his evil plans.

"MUWWAAHAHAAaaa. Gotcha! Not only I won't stop the war but I'm gonna invade 1d20* more countries! Yeah Baby!"

*: Indeed, the worst part would be discovering you're being presided by a D20 fanboy.

Re:What information does the inauguration add? (1)

Neoprofin (871029) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529167)

People love the inauguration because it's a big feel good press conference where everyone is supposed to go home happy. That's the exact same reason that I consider it a complete waste of time to watch, same with the State of the Union addresses. I know the state of the union, I live in it and I follow the events, I don't need to hear someone tell me their aggrandized version of it for three hours.

Re:What information does the inauguration add? (1)

je ne sais quoi (987177) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529373)

Maybe I'm wrong and the president waits to inauguration day to really reveal his evil plans.

Now you've done it! Just couldn't keep your mouth shut for one and a half more hours could you? No matter, your little prognostication will not affect the outcome [salon.com] .

Live Streaming through Moonlight (2, Informative)

ecliptik (160746) | more than 5 years ago | (#26528965)

Miguel de Icaza posted a note this morning saying that after working with MS last night they now have a Moonlight add-on for 32/64-bit and PowerPC Firefox to stream the inauguration live from the official pic2009.org site. The install was quick, although the stream seems to stop and stutter frequently.

I don't want to sound racist (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26528969)

But why do USAsians keep saying "African American"? The guy is black, okay? Saying that someone is black isn't racism. Saying the N word, however, is a different story.

Do you call your white people "European Americans"? Because real "Americans" are the natives, i.e. the Amerindians.

Re:I don't want to sound racist (1)

Gizzmonic (412910) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529391)

Us Asians don't keep saying "African American"! Why would you stereotype us like that?

Re:I don't want to sound racist (1)

MightyYar (622222) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529579)

But why do USAsians keep saying "African American"? The guy is black, okay?

He's both. You'd be silly to use "African American" to describe someone unless you know their background. Someone could be from the Caribbean, or they could be simply African - you just don't know until you at least talk to them.

But once you know about someone, it is polite to describe them in the same way that they self-identify. If that is "African-American", then so be it. If it is "Italian-American", that's fine, too. Few will be offended if you describe someone you know nothing about as "black".

Already slowing to a crawl in Japan (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26529099)

For the past few hours my net connection here in Nagoya has been getting network timeouts from US based servers. Normally things would be going pretty well seeing as I'm surfing on 100Mbps fiber, but today things are sucking pretty bad.

offtopic, mod appropiatly (0, Offtopic)

pha3r0 (1210530) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529181)

So I know its just a small thing to ask but can we have a president who doesn't desecrate [foxnews.com] our own flag

Flag etiquette [usflag.org]

Re:offtopic, mod appropiatly (1)

Beefslaya (832030) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529369)

Why would you expect anything different?

Re:offtopic, mod appropiatly (1)

Gizzmonic (412910) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529467)

the same people who bitch about flag etiquette paste the flag all over their shirts, hats, pants, bumper stickers, etc.

all of which are desecrations. get over it.

Twitter is already down (1)

spacerog (692065) | more than 5 years ago | (#26529483)

Twitter is already down and it is not even 11AM EST yet.

Granted twitter goes down ALL the time so that is not saying much.

- SR

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