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When they outlaw batleths.... (5, Funny)

drachenfyre (550754) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724877)

only outlaws will have batleths...

Enact the assault sword ban! (5, Funny)

icebrain (944107) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725057)

Yes, we must ban replica weapons that are only made for killing large numbers of people! Protect the children!

These "assault swords" have features like extra cutting edges, and allow the evil person using one to swing it in both directions, thereby killing more people.
The user's hands are placed a little differently than on traditional swords, meaning the user can swing with more power and hit more people at once.
They're made of cheap metal, which is more dangerous than regular steel because it's more powerful and stronger than a real sword!
And they have engravings in an unknown foreign terrorist language, which tells the user how to be deadly assassin. And there's obviously no need for engraving on a sword.

And obviously, if we ban them, they'll all magically go away, because we know that criminals who like to commit acts of violence will be scared of the law that bans their swords. Nobody will ever make one themselves, or sneak one in through the black market, and there are no legitimate uses (such as movie props and reenactments) for these weapons.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (1, Insightful)

jedidiah (1196) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725121)

Real weapons of this kind are already generaly illegal in many areas.

If you go wandering about with a real Katana you are likely to be
arrested just as if you were waving a pistol around.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (5, Funny)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725237)

Wooosh!

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (1)

BlackSnake112 (912158) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725273)

If you are not trying to behead or otherwise hurt someone why not walk around with it? I could see you being stopped and questioned by police but if you are taking it home or some other normal (i.e. not trying to kill someone) function it shouldn't be illegal. People have rifles and shotguns on display in their cars (not all but many do) and no one thinks twice.

If the sword becomes part of your wardrobe and you work in an office building I could see one being questioned. Think about it. How many people die from a sword accidentally beheading them on its own? I would believe that accidental sword deaths are very small.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (3, Insightful)

Lobster Quadrille (965591) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725425)

I believe that Sikhs have a religious mandate to carry a sword with them at all times- something about always being ready to fight for God. In India they even allow them to carry the swords onto airplanes.

Probably wouldn't go over so well here in the good old USA though... too many paranoid morons.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (-1, Troll)

L4t3r4lu5 (1216702) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725499)

Those god damn Muslims and their knives!

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (2, Informative)

Microsift (223381) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725555)

Not a sword, a dagger. And no, you shouldn't be allowed to carry either on an airplane. 9/11 happened because 4 guys with box-cutters could commandeer an airplane. Obviously, this tactic would not work today, but I think that Sikhs can check their daggers. Not wanting the general public carrying weapons on a plane is neither paranoid nor moronic.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (4, Insightful)

mh1997 (1065630) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725681)

Not a sword, a dagger. And no, you shouldn't be allowed to carry either on an airplane. 9/11 happened because 4 guys with box-cutters could commandeer an airplane

Box cutters and pocket knives were legal at the time. Too bad the other 100 plus passengers on those planes were not carrying box cutters or pocket knives. The world would be a very different place today.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725687)

Not wanting the general public carrying weapons is neither paranoid nor moronic.

Fixed that for you

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (2, Interesting)

freefrag (728150) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725703)

The daggers the Sikhs carry is more of a challenge not to unsheath them unless Muslim tyrants (Mughals) return.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (2, Interesting)

icebrain (944107) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725365)

It certainly depends on the location, but (at least in the US) there's a big difference between owning a weapon, carrying it around in a holster/scabbard/whatever, and brandishing/threatening with it.

The first is generally legal, with a few exceptions or restrictions.

The second is commonly legal too, with certain conditions. In Georgia, for example, one may carry any weapon (except a handgun) as described above, so long as it is done openly and in plain sight. To carry a handgun (openly or concealed) or to conceal a firearm in general, one must obtain a firearms license.

The third will generally 9and rightly) get you arrested on felony charges everywhere; the name of the charge will vary, but they're generally equivalent. In Georgia, pointing a gun at someone or threatening them with a deadly weapon in general will get you charged with aggrevated assault. Other states may classify it as "brandishing a weapon" or "attempted murder", for example.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that owning and carrying a Klingon sword is legal in Colorado. Threatening someone with it is not, obviously.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (5, Informative)

Hork_Monkey (580728) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725641)

Having a concealed weapons permit, I had to take a class that focused a great deal on specific firearm laws.

Louisiana allows for open carry, but the instructor (a state trooper) cautioned that all it takes is a complaint for you to get arrested for it. The reasoning is that "disturbing the peace" trumps the right to open carry.

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (5, Informative)

icebrain (944107) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725791)

Sometimes you'll get arrested for that in Georgia, too, but it almost always gets thrown out in court (assuming you were licensed and legal to carry in that location). Now, if you're in a private establishment, and the manager/proprietor decides he doesn't like it, that's a different matter; he has full legal right to ask you to cover up or leave.

in general, though, firearms laws in Georgia are so convoluted and ambiguous that even the judges, lawyers, and police don't really know it well. Go up and ask five officers what the laws are, you'll get six different answers. We're trying to fix that, because regardless of the subject, the people deserve laws that are clear and easy to understand. Otherwise, how can they follow them?

Re:Enact the assault sword ban! (-1, Flamebait)

Noodlenose (537591) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725199)

Have you taken your Ritalin today?

Re:When they outlaw batleths.... (2, Insightful)

areusche (1297613) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725257)

I don't like stealing much like any other guy, but if some guy came into a store i was working at and he appaeared with a Bat'leth I would be impressed. Seriously I would give the guy the cash and then ask how he made it. Insurance would cover the lose and I can say i saw a bad ass sword!

be CLear (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725387)

most times you must have said weapon sheathed if it is not sheathed it is considered that you are ARMED, htus you WILL get arrested, unless your at a trek convention then by all means ATTACK

Re:be CLear (1)

Marxist Hacker 42 (638312) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725635)

How do you sheath a Batleth? It's not like it's a single bladed weapon that can just slip into a sheath. On the show, it seems the standard method is a case or simply wrapped in a cloth- but I've never seen one sheathed.

There is no honor in theft. (5, Insightful)

defile39 (592628) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724903)

He should be stripped of his land and titles.

Re:There is no honor in theft. (5, Insightful)

Chris Mattern (191822) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725031)

That punishment is too lenient for such a p'tahk! He should face discommendation!

Re:There is no honor in theft. (5, Insightful)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725141)

This honorless p'tahk will be sent to work the mines on Rura Penthe!

Re:There is no honor in theft. (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725435)

(insert another geeky reference post naseum)

Re:There is no honor in theft. (4, Funny)

LoadWB (592248) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725565)

(insert another dickhead buzz-kill reference...)

Re:There is no honor in theft. (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725547)

It's spelled "petaQ" and I can't believe I actually knew that.

Re:There is no honor in theft. (5, Funny)

cliffski (65094) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725219)

can we all cross our arms and turn around now?

Re:There is no honor in theft. (4, Insightful)

zerojoker (812874) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725647)

no. Such person would us then stab in the back.

Re:There is no honor in theft. (5, Funny)

sorak (246725) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725479)

don't you mean that he should be stripped of his grandmother's basement and his MMORPG accounts?

this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (1)

thekm (622569) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724919)

...and trying a little too hard to break the stereotype. And it still wont land him chix0r's

Re:this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (2, Insightful)

JCSoRocks (1142053) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725329)

No, but armed robbery will land him in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

Re:this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (1)

slackbheep (1420367) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725537)

His survival depends on his ability to fashion a phaser from soap on a rope. I don't think Big Henry will be impressed, though.

Re:this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (2, Informative)

djrogers (153854) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725605)

No, but armed robbery will land him in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

No, it will land him in a county jail. If it were a repeat or significant enough offense, he would likely end up in a state prison. Federal prison is for thos who violate federal laws - armed robbery that doesn't cross state lines is a local/state crime.

Re:this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (4, Informative)

JCSoRocks (1142053) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725731)

Yeah, but there are no awesome Office Space quotes that involve county jail!

Re:this geek is clearly breaking the rules... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725779)

No, but armed robbery will land him in a federal pound- me -in-the-ass prison.

Talking from personal experience then?

I believe stealing slurpees (5, Funny)

joeflies (529536) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724929)

is one of the Rites of Ascension. While it is inevitable that a boy becomes a man, what is not inevitable is whether a man becomes a warrior. That is, until he robs a 7-eleven.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (4, Interesting)

Eddi3 (1046882) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725019)

You might think that's funny, but robbing gas stations is the exactly the kind of stuff that gangs use as initiation,

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (4, Funny)

Sabz5150 (1230938) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725083)

You might think that's funny, but robbing gas stations is the exactly the kind of stuff that gangs use as initiation,

Since when do the Bloods have a trekkie clique?

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (1)

JCSoRocks (1142053) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725229)

It's a new gang! Screw the crips and bloods, I'm joining the Klingons! Membership includes a free batleth!

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (4, Funny)

slackbheep (1420367) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725575)

If mugged by a group of cosplayers I would feel nothing but shame.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (5, Funny)

flaming error (1041742) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725347)

You have it sadly backwards. The Bloods were the activist wing of the Trekkie division of the Los Angeles Linux User Group.

In the Denver LUG, infiltrating convenience stores has provided a reliable supply of Mountain Dew. But I fear this infighting may unravel the whole sweet deal.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (1)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725053)

They only steal Bloodwine Slurpees.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (5, Funny)

flaming error (1041742) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725147)

Bloodwine is for wimps. The drink of a true warrior comes from the juice of a prune.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (4, Funny)

xstonedogx (814876) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725527)

Yep. Nothing screams warrior like not shitting your pants in the heat of battle after knocking back a gallon of prune juice.

Re:I believe stealing slurpees (1)

hansamurai (907719) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725145)

Klingon bar mitzvah
Spooky! Scary!
Boys becoming men
Men becoming warriors!

Poor reporting strikes again (5, Funny)

LighterShadeOfBlack (1011407) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724931)

It's not a "Batleth", it's a "Bat'leth". Without the apostrophe it just looks ridiculous.

Re:Poor reporting strikes again (2, Funny)

hansamurai (907719) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725117)

Don't you know? It was intentional.

Re:Poor reporting strikes again (4, Funny)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725203)

Not as ridiculous as this part of the story:

A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N Union Blvd, where a male matching the previous description entered the store with a sword. He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect transported himself out of the store on foot.

The writer almost sounds disappointed that the suspect didn't beam himself out of the store ;)

Editor strikes again (1)

VShael (62735) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725373)

The line about transporting has been removed from the article.

Re:Editor strikes again (1)

LoadWB (592248) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725623)

That is pitiful. Why remove it?

Re:Poor reporting strikes again (1)

MikeBabcock (65886) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725649)

Its too bad he didn't manage to go out of phase and just walk out through the door invisibly.

Re:Poor reporting strikes again (2, Funny)

RevWaldo (1186281) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725223)

I sure hope someone got fired for *that* one!

This is too much! (1)

Ynsats (922697) | more than 5 years ago | (#26724943)

Sooo many jokes to make!

Don't know where to start!

WWAKD (What Would A Klingon Do?)

Re:This is too much! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725011)

four thousand 7-Elevens may be robbed in one night by a running man?

Re:This is too much! (5, Funny)

Rogerborg (306625) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725063)

We can start with the delightful observation that both clerks (Clerks?) recognised it as a Bat'Leth, and better, that the second one had the nuts to tell this honourless p'tak to go screw a goat. Even Star Trek nerds aren't afraid of other Star Trek nerds.

Re:This is too much! (1)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725261)

that the second one had the nuts to tell this honourless p'tak to go screw a goat

Maybe he had a phaser? Phaser > Bat'Leth

Re:This is too much!... I wonder if they told him: (2, Funny)

davidsyes (765062) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725439)

"Kam'cha chime CHEK!"

(If he were a TRUE Klingon, he could reply with, "You swear WELL in Klingon, human clerk...")

Re:This is too much!... I wonder if they told him: (1)

Tubal-Cain (1289912) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725717)

"Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"

...and This Complete Breakfast.

Re:This is too much! (4, Funny)

Sabz5150 (1230938) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725113)

WWAKD (What Would A Klingon Do?)

Rob a 7-11, apparently. How else does a warrior fund a Bird of Prey in this economy?

Re:This is too much! (1)

Rockoon (1252108) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725299)

"I demand a free slurpee. It is a good day to die!"

Re:This is too much! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725507)

WWAKD (What Would A Klingon Do?)

http://klingonsforjesus.50webs.com/ [50webs.com]

Finally! (1)

denzacar (181829) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725589)

A better class of criminal Joker promised us.

At last someone with some style.

Why is this in "Entertainment?" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26724975)

Why is this in "Entertainment?" Is this some publicity stunt? Some TV show? No. It's a robbery. Crime. I am not entertained.

Re:Why is this in "Entertainment?" (1)

L4t3r4lu5 (1216702) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725079)

Come back in an hour. America is just waking up.

Hab SoSlI' Quch!

Re:Why is this in "Entertainment?" (4, Funny)

zappepcs (820751) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725151)

Yeah, it's just a shame neither of the clerks were in red shirts!

Re:Why is this in "Entertainment?" (4, Funny)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725283)

Yeah, it's just a shame neither of the clerks were in red shirts!

If they had been the headline would be: Man Commits Murder With Klingon Bat'Leth

Re:Why is this in "Entertainment?" (1)

Tony Stark (1391845) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725533)

The robbers never would've escaped if the clerks' phasers weren't just set to stun.

Re:Why is this in "Entertainment?" (1)

Yvanhoe (564877) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725311)

It's a robbery. Crime. I am not entertained.

This is my exact reaction in front of every publicity stunt.

Colorado Springs Crime Ring (2, Funny)

jsd303 (918708) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725061)

Combining robbery and nerdery since '09!!!

I've never trusted Klingons... (5, Funny)

dreemernj (859414) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725081)

...and I never will. I can never forgive them...for robbing my 7-11.

Re:I've never trusted Klingons... (1)

cliffski (65094) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725149)

I, for one, found this funny, and worthy of mod points. Sadly mine are not available.

Re:I've never trusted Klingons... (5, Funny)

JCSoRocks (1142053) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725255)

7-11 We Will Never Forget!

Re:I've never trusted Klingons... (1)

L4t3r4lu5 (1216702) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725571)

Mod parent funny (already commented).

Re:I've never trusted Klingons... (1)

LordEd (840443) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725747)

...and go and alter the slashdot code so it can get a +6

I wonder... (5, Funny)

Foofoobar (318279) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725099)

I wonder if the investigating police showed up in Enterprise Uniforms. 'This is highly illogical, Leutenant'

Re:I wonder... (1)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725165)

I wonder if the investigating police showed up in Enterprise Uniforms.

I hope they weren't wearing red uniforms ;)

Re:I wonder... (1)

laejoh (648921) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725207)

Thank $diety they wear blue or they wouldn't be at ease [wikipedia.org] at all!

Re:I wonder... (1)

LighterShadeOfBlack (1011407) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725453)

Thank $diety they wear blue or they wouldn't be at ease at all!

Thank $diety they could fit into their uniforms!

Re:I wonder... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725353)

Dammit Jim! I'm a police officer, not a psychiatrist!

Need better QuickMart cashier training (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725143)

Everybody knows the way to stop a Klingon speaking geek is by applying an atomic wedgie.

At least... (3, Interesting)

Demiansmark (927787) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725157)

it seems that the two clerks were big enough nerds to identify the weapon as a Batleth!

Unfortunately it seems that the robber was masked so they weren't able to tell if he was a swarmy Klingon.

Some great writing in the story: "The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect transported himself out of the store"

So the suspect ummm.. "left" the store? Oh wait... "transported himself", dude got beamed up!

Re:At least... (1)

tweek (18111) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725209)

I was thinking the same thing. BOTH clerks knew it was a Batleth? Sounds like an inside job to me.

*Both* Clerks Recognized It? (3, Funny)

GammaKitsune (826576) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725179)

Does it seem surreal to anyone else that, according to the article, both clerks recognized what a Bat'leth was? Colorado Springs: where Trek nerds control all the local convenience stores. For best results, RTFA while listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U [youtube.com]

Re:*Both* Clerks Recognized It? (3, Informative)

jnaujok (804613) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725465)

One of the 7-11's I used to frequent here in Colorado Springs had a former CIO of an intenet bubble company as it's assistant manager. So yes, they're all run by nerds out here. The dot-com bubble broke big here.

Re:*Both* Clerks Recognized It? (1)

drinkypoo (153816) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725483)

Colorado Springs: where Trek nerds control all the local convenience stores.

Where did you think they were going to find jobs?

Re:*Both* Clerks Recognized It? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725811)

Dude, the 7-11 clerks are just laid-off C#-Java ubber-programmers. That was the only job they were able to find as the end of capitalism is happening around us...

Dante: You know what the worst part is? (5, Funny)

RevWaldo (1186281) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725187)

Randall: Worse than getting robbed by some f'n Star Trek geek?
Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Clerks were Trekkies (1)

A. B3ttik (1344591) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725235)

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."

I'm not sure whether to think that since both guys knew a "Bat'leth" on sight, it indicates that geeks are more prevalent than previously thought... or that convenience store clerks tend to be geeks.

One mystery sovled... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725249)

1. Buy Klingon Bat'leth
2. ????
3. Profit!

Obviously the unknown in this algorithm is "Hold up a convenience store.

Wow (1)

tuba_dude (584287) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725265)

Maybe it's just me, but as amusing as it is that this guy robbed two stores with this thing, it's funnier that both of the store clerks knew exactly what it was!

Getaway Vehicle... (1)

tsnorquist (1058924) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725343)

100 Darsek says his getaway car was a cloaked FireBird of Prey.

Re:Getaway Vehicle... (1)

LoadWB (592248) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725667)

With an monogrammed bowling ball in the hatch.

Oh Great. (5, Funny)

Tony Stark (1391845) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725345)

I was hoping to make a big impact when I start robbing stores with my lightsaber, but it looks like some trekkies stole my thunder.

Re:Oh Great. (1)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725601)

they'll foul their britches and you'll all tremble when you see the security footage of me and my crystalline Whistler.

Big, green and ugly (0, Offtopic)

nojayuk (567177) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725391)

From yesterday's local news on the BBC:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7864982.stm

The police want to talk to his donkey. Afterwards, they want the donkey to shut the fuck up.

Why has nobody said this yet? (1)

pzs (857406) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725403)

Qapla'! [wikipedia.org]

Easy to find (2, Funny)

sheepofblue (1106227) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725421)

No problem look for the glow of video game screens coming from mom's basement and you will find the culprit.

How recognizable is a bat'leh? (1, Redundant)

MobyDisk (75490) | more than 5 years ago | (#26725451)

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."

2 out of 2 7-11 store clerks can recognize Star Trek paraphernalia. Michael Dorn [wikipedia.org] should be proud.

Also:

The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect left on foot.

I wonder if this clerk would have given the money to a guy with a gun? Or a guy with a human sword? I wonder if the average bat'leh wielder is more or less desperate or murderous than the average gun/sword wielder? Perhaps the robber didn't know the proper Klingon curse words.

Re:How recognizable is a bat'leh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725515)

I'm betting the dude who did it recently lost his job in the IT field and needed some cash, so probably not the most hardened guy willing to cut someone who is refusing his demands.

Anonymous Coward (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725493)

*he* has brought nothing but *dishonor* upon his family and himself.

his heart must not be *truly* klingon.

More proof.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725711)

This is just more proof that they charge too much for seasons of Star Trek. Perhaps he's starting early on getting money for the blue-ray releases...

You. Klingon. Bastard! You Stole. My. Slurpee! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26725801)

oblig

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