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Jobs On Track For June Return

CmdrTaco posted more than 5 years ago | from the because-he-can dept.

Businesses 122

nandemoari writes "On Tuesday, Apple shareholders gathered at Apple's Cupertino corporate campus continued their pursuit of details regarding Apple chief Steve Jobs' health. They didn't get a whole heck of a lot of information out of Apple's executives, but they did receive some encouraging news on Jobs' status. Timothy Cook, Apple's chief operating officer, assured shareholders that Jobs still planned to return to the company in June. Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.' Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday."

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122 comments

Thank you Slashdot (4, Informative)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999817)

They sang Happy Birthday to Steve! My life is now complete that I got to hear this great news.

But what happens when they get sued because they don't own the rights to that song....

Re:Thank you Slashdot (3, Funny)

ColdWetDog (752185) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999857)

But what happens when they get sued because they don't own the rights to that song....

Justice, I suppose. Who the hell sings happy birthday to a CEO???

And I thought the fanbois here were bad.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (5, Insightful)

buswolley (591500) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999957)

These aren't the jobs you're looking for.

Seriously,

We need jobs to return in June, not Jobs.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000369)

Yeah, the title was misleading. I thought it was about something actually important.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000721)

These aren't the jobs you're looking for.

Seriously,

We need jobs to return in June, not Jobs.

Yeah, so let's all start taxing economic activity!!!!

Yeah, that'll work SO WELL. :-P

Sooo, where are those "tax cuts for 95% of Americans", anyway?

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

DaGoatSpanka (839005) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001169)

That's just another way to say "welfare". You can't get a tax refund if you're not paying taxes to begin with.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001391)

"Sooo, where are those "tax cuts for 95% of Americans", anyway?"

You didn't hear? They're all gonna get a whopping $16/mo (approx) off their paychecks.

To be paid for by taxing couples making over $250K....raising them to about the 40% tax level.

Sounds like a winning combo to me........? [rolls eyes]

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27001637)

Time to get a financial advisor, make some investments, and get your taxable income down below 250K then...

If you're not smart enough to lower your effective tax rate, then congrats on paying your higher taxes.

Don't even get me started on the 'small businesses' (meaning Sole Proprietor/partnerships) making over 250 a year... time to INCORPORATE

Re:Thank you Slashdot (3, Insightful)

Achromatic1978 (916097) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001723)

$16/month

No. At the mean income level, the average family will get about $70/month more, but for people surviving and raising families on $1500 a month, and many do, that equates to about a 7% pay rise. Just because you're rolling your eyes at the fact that the couples making $250K a year (which includes my family, just), will be paying approximately 0.75% more tax. Oh no! Our after tax income will change from $13,400 a month to $13,000! However will we cope?!?

I know. Us horrible people, suffering the burden of this. You'd almost think that if it wasn't for things like people buying multiple investment properties, trying to 'flip' properties after 12 months, putting $100k in, and expecting a $400k profit, and pushing the prices of housing sky high, and so forth, we'd not be in a financial crisis...

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0, Troll)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 5 years ago | (#27003699)

"I know. Us horrible people, suffering the burden of this. You'd almost think that if it wasn't for things like people buying multiple investment properties, trying to 'flip' properties after 12 months, putting $100k in, and expecting a $400k profit, and pushing the prices of housing sky high, and so forth, we'd not be in a financial crisis..."

And don't forget Greenspan leaving interest rates so low for so long, contributing to the high housing rates, and not to mention things like the CRA, and activist groups pretty much bullying banks to give loans to poor credit risk people (either that or be branded a racist bank if you didn't give to poor neighborhoods), nor forget the idiots out there selling liars loans to people just to make a quick $$ and sell off the debt to be packaged for investors. And don't forget old Barney Franks and the Freddie/Fannie fiasco....all of that "everyone should own a house" nonsense helped a lot to get us in this crisis.

And now?

They want to bail those fuckers out that bought too much house at with ARMs...either to flip or own...either they took a risk or they were stupid and didn't read the contracts. Either way...we should let them fail, and let things reset.

"...but for people surviving and raising families on $1500 a month..."

$1500/month....a FAMILY? Who the hell can raise a family on that? I mean, hell...where do you find rent that is much below $800/mo at the cheapest (for one bedroom place)?

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000817)

I was there right along with you. Forgot to notice the Apple tag.

And I also agree, the jobs everyone needs is more important right now than the Jobs that Apple needs.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (2, Interesting)

berend botje (1401731) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001199)

Meh.

I know my viewpoint is impopular. But I'm figuring the jobs that are lost are the kind of jobs that aren't needed anyway. Too long businesses could afford all kinds of superfluous jobs that didn't contribute to the bottom line.

If you are a "telephone sanitizer" (RIP Douglas Adams) maybe you should have seen it coming.

That said, I'm laid off as well, as I too had a non-essential job. It sucks (a lot) but somehow I can understand it as well. I'm now trying to get a job in an essential part of the economy (health care).

Thank your government. (1)

Ungrounded Lightning (62228) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001759)

If the govenment hadn't tried to bail things out this would have been largely confined to the portion of the financial sector that gave out the bad housing loans or used the bum risk assessment methodology, along with people who lied on their loan applications or overbought houses. (And a little temporary depression of commodity prices while those who wrote insurance policies on the high-end mortgage-basket investment paper held a fire sale to raise money to pay off the damage claims - which means bargain prices for some manufacturers and consumers.) It would all have sorted out in a couple years.

Instead the government has sucked the blood out of the rest of the economy to pay off the guys who made or took the bad loans. They get rewarded while everybody who did everything right (except maybe vote for these idiots) gets ripped off and maybe kicked out of work.

This is how the Great Depression happened.

Except this time it's a lot worse. Expect the economy to be tanked and bread lines for a decade or two - maybe until the boomers are all dead. Or maybe a political upheaval on the scale of the Communist Revolution (though not necessarily as wrong-headed) or the fall of the Soviet Union.

If you have land available plant a garden right now. You may need it by harvest time - and certainly by harvest time in a year or two (when you've gotten over the first couple crop failures as you figure out how to farm).

Re:Thank your government. (1)

cowscows (103644) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001859)

Right, so your theory is that because the government tried to help the banking industry not collapse, all the farmers in the country are going to stop growing food?

Re:Thank your government. (1)

Ungrounded Lightning (62228) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002133)

so your theory is that because the government tried to help the banking industry not collapse, all the farmers in the country are going to stop growing food?

Nope.

A lot of people aren't going to be able to BUY it. Some of them are nice people and I don't want them to starve. Others may be not-so-nice but I'd rather have them eating stuff they grew than stealing stuff others did.

And I certainly don't want the government doing the stealing FOR them, either.

By the way: The US was once the "breadbasket of the world", growing far more food than we consume and exporting far more than we import. That's no longer the case - by a long shot. We import most of our food now and don't grow/raise enough to feed our own population.

Re:Thank your government. (1)

pdabbadabba (720526) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002379)

Care to make it interesting? I'll bet you a loaf of bread that, one year from now, no one will have starved. (Because of the current economic crisis, that is.)

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27003499)

[...] I'm now trying to get a job in an essential part of the economy (health care).

Health care, eh? Like, oh, I don't know, maybe a ... telephone sanitizer!!!

Ba-dum!

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27003379)

Who the hell sings happy birthday to a CEO???

Employees.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

XxtraLarGe (551297) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999877)

IIRC copyright on Happy Birthday expired some time in the late 90's just before the copyright extension was passed.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (3, Informative)

BPPG (1181851) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000005)

almost, unfortunately.

from http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/birthday.asp [snopes.com]

The Chicago-based music publisher Clayton F. Summy Company, working with Jessica Hill, published and copyrighted "Happy Birthday" in 1935. Under the laws in effect at the time, the Hills' copyright would have expired after one 28-year term and a renewal of similar length, falling into public domain by 1991. However, the Copyright Act of 1976 extended the term of copyright protection to 75 years from date of publication, and the Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 added another 20 years, so under current law the copyright protection of "Happy Birthday" will remain intact until at least 2030.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

Attila Dimedici (1036002) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000095)

Under copyright law at the time it was copyrighted it would have entered the public domain in 1991. However, the Copyright Act of 1976 extended it to 75 years from the date of publication and the Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 added 20 more years. It is now due to enter the public domain in 2030. http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/birthday.asp [snopes.com]

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0, Troll)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999915)

Hey, noob. They did NOT sing happy birthday to him. Try RTFS next time.

(and thanks, Slashdot for your excellent coding where I have to wait 5 minutes between posts, despite having Excellent karma)

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000083)

Hey, noob. They did NOT sing happy birthday to him. Try RTFS next time.

FTFA: "At one point, Apple shareholders acknowledged Mr. Jobsâ(TM)s 54th birthday, which was Tuesday, by standing and singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

Re:Thank you Slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000237)

You realize gp is the same poster as ggp?

Re:Thank you Slashdot (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000833)

My dad died from pancreatic cancer earlier this year, and even if Jobs has the 'less bad' version, the facts are that the pancreas is an energy producing organ and it takes a while to get your diet right so that you have energy.

Secondly, it's tied to the digestive system and, while sparing you the details, 'uncontrolled digestive events' are a fact of life. I can entirely understand if Jobs really doesn't want to discuss sudden sprints to the lavatory in the press particularly since the output is uhh, evil. Remember, the digestive enzymes are not normal at this stage of the game and the scent sticks to the walls for weeks.

Let him keep his dignity and privacy.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

Ihmhi (1206036) | more than 5 years ago | (#27003583)

Dignity and privacy on the Internet? What are you, some kind of madman?

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

Randall311 (866824) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001103)

Is this a company or a cult following? This thing really will blow up when Teh Steve parts ways.

Re:Thank you Slashdot (1)

nicolas.kassis (875270) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001503)

Nah, steve has vision but the design talent is still there. Another CEO can push that company forward. Just not some loser from Pepsi.

*sigh* (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26999867)

A computer is just a computer. A corporation is just a corporation. Jesus Christ, people. Steve Jobs does not care about you. At all. At all. At ALL!

Re:*sigh* (2, Insightful)

Kell Bengal (711123) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000233)

*sniff* Yes he does. He loves each and everyone of us, just as we are.

Re:*sigh* (4, Funny)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000335)

Though he'd love you a bit more if you bought a Macbook and spent some more at the iTunes store.

Re:*sigh* (1)

Ihmhi (1206036) | more than 5 years ago | (#27003629)

Exactly! Otherwise, Steve turns into The Fleshreaper [penny-arcade.com] and starts collecting torsos.

Who is "we"? (2, Insightful)

geekmux (1040042) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000963)

*sniff* Yes he does. He loves each and everyone of us, just as we are.

If you're referring to "we" as Apple stockholders, you've got every right to be sobbing...

Better hope the Return of the almighty iYoda will bring the iForce(Feed) back.

Re:*sigh* (1)

cthulu_mt (1124113) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000807)

Trick question! Steve Jobs is Jesus Christ!

Re:*sigh* (1)

D Ninja (825055) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000865)

A computer is just a computer. A corporation is just a corporation. Jesus Christ, people. Steve Jobs does not care about you. At all. At all. At ALL!

Oh, he definitely cares about you. He cares that you buy his products, he cares that you like his products and he cares that you continue to spend money on his company.

He does care - just like every other person who wants to make money.

Mac World (5, Funny)

MindlessAutomata (1282944) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999907)

I've always been a PC at heart.

Not like the rest, the others. Everyone around me. I was at odds with my society and knew it early since birth. Unlike them, I did not "Think Different!"--the mantra of the Macs around me, the phrase on all the billboards in the city that served as a reminder to its citizenry. Sameness pervaded the essence of my being and no amount of self-conditioning I did could change that. Eventually, I gave up and isolated myself emotionally from society.

I gaze at the faces going by, the white earphones contrasting their black turtlenecks, connecting their ears to their pockets, their blank faces engrossed in hip Indie rock music and various garage bands. I envied them for their perfection against my flaws and my compulsive nature to expand, to burden my life with troubles instead of remaining, like them, simple and easy to deal with. The grandest of virtues, simplicity... the philosophy by our loyal benefactor Steve Jobs, who descended from the heavens, creating the Earth, the iron, the wind and the rain. Steve Jobs, who defined the parameters of existence, the one who set about the patterns of reality, the constants, the variables. He who made gravity, electromagnetic energy, and shaped atomic structures and brought forth motion. From these things, he crafted the elements, processed them, refined them, and from these things engineered Apple products through the purity of his mind. Each Apple product was individually crafted by his own hands with the programming code used to run each device having being compiled in his brain and uploaded to each device telepathically, breathing life and perfection into each and every unit.

Except, it seems, for me, for I was not among the many. I was a PC. They were Macs. I've always been a cold, stiff person. I got by, disguising myself by keeping my non-Ipod music player safely out of sight, which I use because of my depraved nature demanding more functionality than the simple and easy-to-use Ipods have to offer... In the safety of my own home, behind locked doors, I ran a Forbidden, a contraband computer from more depraved, earlier days that was not given the love and blessing of being birthed by Steve Jobs. I dual booted, out of the great sin of curiosity-- curiosity, a shameful value of a PC, as curiosity has no place where simplicity matters most--using two of the great unutterable blasphemies-- something called "Windows Vista" and something else called "Linux." Although, as I mentioned before, although my tendency to be a PC and towards conformity has always been inherent to me, I was truly transformed when I found these old things in a hidden cache of computer parts predating The Purging. Perhaps the greatest sin of all, the single evil that, if discovered, would damn me forever, was the fact that my mouse had more than one button.

As I walked on among the Macs on the streets, passing the Starbuckses as I went along, I wondered how it all came to this. I glanced at The Holy Marks on the foreheads as the people wandered down the streets, the Bitten Apple tattooed on all our of us at birth, and wondered if, perhaps, there could be something more to life. But again, this was a PC's thought, and not, like everyone elses', a Mac's. We were to hold ourselves to the philosophy of Steve Jobs--so as his products were designed for idiots, so too were we to be idiots. But I was not a Mac--I was not an idiot. I was simply too complicated to be a worthwhile person.

Nature called. I found a nearby public iPoo--squeaky clean and sparkly white, things weren't all bad--and let myself go, expelling the waste that had accumulated inside me. After relieving myself and committing the overly-complicated and thus illegal act of wiping my ass (I did not flush as iPoos, designed to be idiot-proof, did not flush) I left and once again wandered the streets aimlessly, hoping to find some meaning in a world where I simply did not belong, a world where if my true nature was discovered, I would be endlessly persecuted by smug, self-righteous sons of bitches.

Re:Mac World (1)

starglider29a (719559) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000037)

Is this the part where John Hodgman runs in, wearing red Dolphin shorts and hurls a 10 kilo bag of churros at the 29-foot iMax iMac?

<voiceover>"One reason that 2112 won't be like 2112"</voiceover>

Re:Mac World (1)

RabidMoose (746680) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000303)

Oh, I hope so. I truly, truly do...

Re:Mac World (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000257)

Flamebait? For Fuck Sake, mods. I know there are more apple fanbois here, but at least have some sense of humor.

Aahh... If only I had midpoints... (1)

denzacar (181829) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000287)

For words can not express my thoughts on the parent post.

Re:Aahh... If only I had midpoints... (2, Funny)

sexconker (1179573) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000565)

Here you go.

[---*---]

Re:Aahh... If only I had midpoints... (1)

denzacar (181829) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000661)

I keep clicking on it, but nothing happens. :(

Re:Mac World (0, Offtopic)

E IS mC(Square) (721736) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000349)

Great post!! Flamebait? No. Apple fanbois with mod points? Yes.

Re:Mac World (0, Offtopic)

MindlessAutomata (1282944) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002021)

"The smug, self-righteous sons of bitches" part is quite appropriate then, isn't it?

Re:Mac World (1)

berend botje (1401731) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001337)

Loved your epos. Laughed out loud on "Starbuckses".

I'm a lazy git, myself. Can't stand to do repetitive chores. And I'm not a people person. Well, I can be, I'm actually quite good with people. However, if you really want to know, I loathe most people. Ignorant bunch, people.

I'm a BSD user. Not by choice, but because I have to. BSD is what I am, I am BSD. Efficient, dependable, a comfort in dire straits. That's me. That's BSD. We couldn't be any different if we tried.

I don't care much about hardware, be it the computer kind or my own fetid body. The software, that's where it's at.

Now, it's not all roses, mind! People scorn us, mock us. We don't care. Most of the times we don't even notice at first. Whatever. Ignorant bunch, all the same.

So, you keep your petty differences. We exist. We are. Whether you like it, know it, or sanction it. We are legion.

Re:Mac World (1)

NickDngr (561211) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001671)

::::sniff:::: That was beautiful.

Re:Mac World (1)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 5 years ago | (#27003685)

how many times does this have to get reposted before people stop modding it up? I'm curious about how long it takes to copy a 17 megabyte file from your iPoo...

Google Bait!? (3, Interesting)

starglider29a (719559) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999917)

Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday

"Passed on", Gracie? Could you have chosen a worse phrase? Or where you trying to glom Google hits from the query: [jobs "passed on"]

Re:Google Bait!? (2, Insightful)

flitty (981864) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999979)

Not to mention we're going to get lazy Newspaper editors who glance at the title and write stories about "The Job Market is looking to Return in June, According to Apple!"

Re:Google Bait!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000229)

The interesting thing is that one of the common complaints I hear about free software is that if the originator loses interest or dies then you are left high and dry. How is this situation with Mr Jobs so different? Not only that but look what MS has done after Mr Gates has left. I suspect that when Mr Ballmer leaves it will not be the same company.

Re:Google Bait!? (1)

qoncept (599709) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000325)

..truly an American icon.

Re:Google Bait!? (1)

dgatwood (11270) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000495)

Exactly. Am I the only one who first read this as "Jobs, 54, passed on Tuesday"? Yikes!

Re:Google Bait!? (1)

liquidpele (663430) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001035)

Actually, I thought it was talking about actual jobs (as in unemployment) at first... guess that was wishful thinking :(

Re:Google Bait!? (1)

geekmux (1040042) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001001)

Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday

"Passed on", Gracie? Could you have chosen a worse phrase? Or where you trying to glom Google hits from the query: [jobs "passed on"]

Nah, he was just hacking the stock market again. Lord knows with an iCon like that at the helm, two words like "passed on" translates to a 500% "loss" reversed with a 600% "gain" on the day...

he passed (1)

gEvil (beta) (945888) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999939)

It says Jobs passed on Tuesday! : o

Not very good news... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26999955)

By "Jobs" I thought it meant work, and by "June", I thought I could end my unemployment streak in a few years.

Wrong kind of "Jobs" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27002235)

By "Jobs" I thought it meant work, and by "June", I thought I could end my unemployment streak in a few years.

Nope, there won't be any jobs returning by June. Except maybe perhaps in the firearms and ammo factories.

Not a moment too soon (1)

rayd75 (258138) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999959)

Thank goodness! Like everyone, I've felt the crunch since the economy's been in the tank but I knew that eventually the jobs would return.

Cringely has Jobs off the web the past couple week (0)

swschrad (312009) | more than 5 years ago | (#26999985)

after dwindling activity on some usual chat haunts earlier.

see how playing the secrecy game bites you in the end?

draw your own conclusions, but at minimum, FTC is going to come down on Apple for inadequate disclosure, and thus stock manipulation. bet on it.

Re:Cringely has Jobs off the web the past couple w (1)

UbuntuLinux (1242150) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000267)

What on earth are you blabbering on about. Even my moon ghost rants have more sense then the gibberish you posted above.

Re:Cringely has Jobs off the web the past couple w (1)

sexconker (1179573) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000615)

At a minimum, the FTC SHOULD go after Apple for those things.

At a maximum, there'll be a report saying everything is hunky-dory.

Remember when ol' Steve was caught backdating stock options?

in intensive care after whatever operation (1)

peter303 (12292) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001899)

Probably too sedated to use computers.

Good/Bad news (1)

gmuslera (3436) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000161)

Good: Steve Jobs will be back on June
Bad: (American) Jobs won't

Re:Good/Bad news (1)

PrescriptionWarning (932687) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000289)

So there really wasn't any good news, there was only bad news and irrelevant news!

Jobs recovery (2, Funny)

OglinTatas (710589) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000181)

Oh thank God, you're talking about apple. For a minute there I thought it was about the economy.

Uncomfortable? (1)

iztehsux (1339985) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000185)

I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...

If an iTree falls in the woods... (1)

geekmux (1040042) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001025)

I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...

If an iTree falls in the woods, and Steve is not around to hear it, does it still count for click revenue on iTunes?

Yes, we all want to suck (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000213)

Mr. Jobs' cock! Please do post some more Apple news, nerds are so very very interested in them...

Re:Yes, we all want to suck (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002315)

Please do post some more Apple news, nerds are so very very interested in them..

Sarcasm noted. We'll just keep it limited to just Linux, Firefox, and Windows 7 fellatio cos, you know, only Apple has fanboys.

He'll be back in June... (4, Funny)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000219)

The Taxidermists are working night and day to have him ready for his triumphant return.

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

pak9rabid (1011935) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000585)

Oh lord...thats gold =D.

I wonder... (1)

denzacar (181829) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000625)

What will be the price per disk? [memory-alpha.org]

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000699)

No need for a taxidermist. With motion capture and 3D modelign, Pixar already has the technology to make him live forever, as long as all his speeches are via videoconference. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain... I am the great and powerful Jobs!"

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

timeOday (582209) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000955)

You know, that could be a good movie plot. A silicon valley company conceals the death of their reclusive but revered founder and CEO to prop up their stock price using high technology. Rather than "weekend and Bernie's" they could go more philosophical, like the substitution of brand identity for individual identity. In the end the secret is revealed but the public is so fond of the cgi character, they don't care, and true believers claim he obtained immortality by choosing to discard his body after uploading his soul into the CGI.

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

Captain Splendid (673276) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001291)

A silicon valley company conceals the death of their reclusive but revered founder and CEO to prop up their stock price using high technology.

SPOILER ALERT

This was the principle plot behind Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie, The 6th Day [imdb.com] , although there it was cloning, not holograms.

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 5 years ago | (#27003229)

Be careful with "CGI Celebrity" plots, you don't want to get any epic fail [imdb.com] on you.

Re:He'll be back in June... (1)

dem0n1 (1170795) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002357)

Videodrome.

"My father has not engaged in conversation for at least twenty years. The monologue is his preferred mode of discourse."

June for jobs return?? (1)

eclectro (227083) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000231)

It had be better a lot quicker than that, I'm running out of gas money.

Oh, you mean Steve Jobs (1)

joe_cot (1011355) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000243)

Besides the summary making it seem like Steve Jobs is dead, the title made it seem like the economy was going to bounce back in less than 5 years.

Go Obama! (1)

LurkingOnSlashdot (1378465) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000331)

Wow, I didn't think Obama could fix the economy so quickly! Yay, jobs for everone!

Re:Go Obama! (1)

sandysnowbeard (1297619) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000391)

"Jobs On Track For June Return" hahaha, I was with you all the way, totally excited by the news. Then I read a bit, "What the hell?"

That's surprising... (5, Funny)

tool462 (677306) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000425)

Doesn't he usually arise on Easter Sunday?

Thats great but, (1)

r2rknot (1102517) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000431)

I don't care. But I do care enough to say so.

Back in black (1)

cherrysweet00 (1469255) | more than 5 years ago | (#27000613)

The mascot returns, good for Apple.

Jobs! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27000875)

Hi, I am a PC. I "just work", just like Mac does, except I cost only 1/2-1/3 of what Mac does, plus, upgrading me is easier.

PC.

Zune Return? (1)

Gothmolly (148874) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001053)

Anyone else read that as "Zune Return" and then belly-laugh?

Grammar Nazi here (1)

k2enemy (555744) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001121)

It is "Jobs's health," not "Jobs' health." I am amazed at how many publications have gotten this wrong.

Re:Grammar Nazi here (2, Informative)

Internal Modem (1281796) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001691)

"Jobs' health" is correct.

Re:Grammar Nazi here (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27002723)

MLA and Strunk & White disagree with you. Also, the NYT uses "Jobs's."

Re:Grammar Nazi here (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27001809)

No, actually I think Jobs' is the correct way so you don't sound like a retard with the double 'z' sound when speaking.

headlines (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27001185)

Was I the only one who read the headline as the end of the recession? :/ duh!

Stuffed (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27001373)

Since Jobs seems to have completely disappeared, I wouldn't be surprised to see him wheeled out with a big hat on, stuffed like Samuel Bentham. Not that the personality cultists would notice.

Jobs returning soon? (3, Funny)

immakiku (777365) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001393)

Oh the CEO...

Hah (1)

ThatsNotPudding (1045640) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001407)

"...when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'" You can't tell me it's not a for-profit cult. Just be happy they don't sell Kool-Aid in the Apple stores. ...then again.

Happy Birthday? (1)

Haelyn (321711) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001409)

  Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'

...followed by the usual Two Minutes' Hate

Jobs needs to transfer his "majick" to a successor (1)

erroneus (253617) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001735)

If he doesn't do it while he is still able to make such a graceful transition, the interests of the stockholders will not be served. When anything bad is reported about Job's health, Apple stock drops. (So much for corporations being beholden to the shareholders... that is just a convenient excuse after all isn't it? Corporate leaders continue to do whatever they want regardless of what shareholders think.) I can't imagine what will happen to Apple once Jobs is gone, but as I have ventured to guess in the past, perhaps it would finally allow Apple to compete better in the corporate marketplace than it does presently. (I have made a nice rant regarding Apple as little more than a toymaker if they can't offer the kinds of support and warranties that business needs in order to perceive a product as dependable.)

Re:Jobs needs to transfer his "majick" to a succes (1)

cowscows (103644) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002095)

Any successor that tries to be the "next Steve Jobs" is destined to fail. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't have some of his talents and/or skills, but just swapping him out with someone who talks like him and hoping to keep that "majick" going is not going to work. There are lots of ways to run a successful company, even Apple.

A CEO that can keep Apple focused and efficient should do ok. The company has plenty of talented employees, decent products, and a very strong brand. As long as they continue to expand their product lineup slowly and carefully, their engineers and designers will come up with good stuff.

Part of that focus means a continued general neglect of the corporate marketplace. I don't know if I've read your rant about Apple as a toymaker, but I'd argue that Apple's lack of warranties and such are less about incompetence, and more about a conscious decision to avoid that market. It's a market of very thin margins, and as such, it only makes money for you if you capture a big chunk of it. We can make predictions and argue all day about whether or not the Mac could get that big chunk, but it looks like Apple has gone through that exercise before and decided that their effort is better spent expanding into the consumer music and phone business instead. And it seems to be working out well for them.

When I read this subject line.... (2, Funny)

brunes69 (86786) | more than 5 years ago | (#27001871)

... I thought this posting was about the economy.

"I, Cringely" - Has bad "news" on this item. (2, Interesting)

olddotter (638430) | more than 5 years ago | (#27002031)

http://www.cringely.com/2009/02/wheres-steve/ [cringely.com]

Cringely's new block has post claiming Steve has dropped off the internet.

Read what you want into that or take it with a grain of salt.

AsWyESOME fp!? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27002891)

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