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Chimps Have a Built-In GPS

kdawson posted more than 5 years ago | from the please-return-to-the-highlighted-route dept.

Science 195

destinyland writes "European researchers have discovered that chimpanzees have a built-in mental GPS, keeping 'a geometric mental map of their home range, moving from point to point in nearly straight lines.' Using GPS, two primatologists followed 15 chimpanzees for 217 days, and determined that the apes were 'using a mental map built around geometric coordinates.' They're not just identifying landmarks in their surroundings, and in fact, even when swinging through trees, the chimps planned out their route several trees in advance. Here's the paper in the journal Animal Behavior."

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195 comments

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Pay per Paper (4, Informative)

spacefight (577141) | more than 5 years ago | (#27318883)

From the 2nd link: "Price: US $ 31.50". Sounds like another slashvertorial. No thanks, chimps.

Re:Pay per Paper (3, Insightful)

megamerican (1073936) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319051)

$31.50 is pretty expensive for a paper which will say that a certain mammal can remember where it has been and can find its way back to that spot, much like most other mammals.

Re:Pay per Paper (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319083)

Hey, it's part of the stimulus package! I participated as a test subject in that study for years -- how do you think I found my way to the white house? -- and I'm disappointed that you will not contribute to your economy.

-- Barack Obama

Re:Pay per Paper (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319087)

1. Create pay per paper site
2. Get shitty story submitted by kdawson
3. Massive profit

Re:Pay per Paper (1)

trum4n (982031) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320191)

1. Create pay per paper site 2. Get shitty story submitted by kdawson 3. ??? 4. Massive profit Fixed that for you.

Re:Pay per Paper (3, Insightful)

smallfries (601545) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319133)

Sadly most research is behind a paywall. It doesn't make it a slashvertisment though - there was enough detail in the linked article to see that the researchers are talking bollocks, and that the actual paper is unnecessary.

GPS uses time of flight between known landmarks. The fact that the landmarks are actually moving in orbit is irrelevant. The researchers argue that chimps don't use landmarks as reference points, but instead use a geometric layout of their territory. This is called dead-reckoning.

Edit: Preview suggests that I may be a little harsh. Their research itself may be valid and worthy. But their attempt to dumb it down for "the kids" without understanding the comparison that they are making is stupid.

Re:Pay per Paper (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319281)

Simple way to see if they're using "GPS" - rather than following them and seeing where they go, grab a bunch in burlap sacks, fly them around a bit, put them down 1/2 day away from their "home" territory, and see if they make a beeline back. If the majority of them don't go directly to it, this is bunk.

Re:Pay per Paper (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27320137)

I have participated in such an experiment. It's called being in the infantry.

Re:Pay per Paper (1)

n9hmg (548792) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320531)

Well said. I have contempt for people who can't tell the difference between GPS and mapping.

Re:Pay per Paper (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319949)

Yup, they have a built-in IMU, not a GPS.

Re:Pay per Paper (2, Insightful)

becker (190314) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321329)

They didn't "dumb it down", they hyped it up.

"Animals with built-in GPS!! Planet facing imminent destruction!! More at 11."

Re:Pay per Paper (0, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319873)

Yes Chimps do have GPS
  They steal them from cars in places like Newark, NJ, Camden NJ , Philadelphia PA And New York City
and Yes they might sell them for $31.50 for Drugs.

Except... (1)

just_another_sean (919159) | more than 5 years ago | (#27318933)

... in Texas [slashdot.org] !

Built-In Mental GPS (3, Funny)

Herr_Skymarshall (1029532) | more than 5 years ago | (#27318937)

Does it run Linux?

Re:Built-In Mental GPS (1)

QuantumG (50515) | more than 5 years ago | (#27318997)

Microsoft Sues Chimps.

Re:Built-In Mental GPS (5, Funny)

flu1d (664635) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319635)

Microsoft Sues Chimps.

You really think they'll sue themselves?

Re:Built-In Mental GPS (1)

just_another_sean (919159) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319015)

Does it run Linux?

Are you asking on behalf of Microsoft?

Re:Built-In Mental GPS (3, Funny)

CaptainPatent (1087643) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319305)

Does it run Linux?

I hear it's Gutsy Gibbon.

buh-duh... ching

Re:Built-In Mental GPS (4, Funny)

Linker3000 (626634) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320411)

Imagine a bonobo cluster of those!

Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Reports (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319019)

Obama Policies Will Bankrupt the US Tsarkon Reports

- This just in, March 23 2009 Chinas central bank on Monday proposed replacing the US dollar as the international reserve currency with a new global system controlled by the International Monetary Fund [ft.com]

- Russia too: It is necessary to work out and adopt internationally recognized standards for macroeconomic and budget policy, which are binding for the leading world economies, including the countries issuing reserve currencies - the Kremlin proposals read. [en.rian.ru]

- President Barak "The Teleprompter" Obama is deeply connected to corruption, Rahm Emanuel (Radical authoritarian Statist whose father was part of the Murderous Civilian Killing Israeli Terrorist Organization known as IRGUN), Connected to Rod Blagojevich (Rahm inherited Rod's federal-congress seat), Connected to Ayers, a man who promotes the concept that civilian collateral damage is ok in a war against freedom, Preacher Jeremiah Wright, who is himself a black-elitist who wants all the people who largely "pay the freight" to suffer, 31 million on food stamps, more blacks are in prison and on food-stamps per capita than anyone else. The problem with Wright is simply this: the facts are "racist."
- Obama: Racist, AIPAC-bootlicker, Corrupted to the bone Chicago style and a Traitor to the US Constitution and a Liar who can't even produce a valid birth certificate (which is not a certificate of live birth)
- Raytheon lobbyist in Pentagon, lots lobbyists getting exemptions even though he promised not to have them.
- Goldman Sachs insider second in command at Treasury. Bumbling tax cheat idiot in "command" of Treasury with 17 positions unfilled as of late March 2009.
- Cabinet has had several nominees and appointees with multiple tax fraud issues.
- Lied about having a new degree of accountability and a SUNSHINE period of new laws, he has signed bills with little or no review at whitehouse.gov as promised.
- Appointed a second amendment violating Rich-pardoning treasonist Eric Holder as AG, the top cop of the USA, a man who helped a fugitive evade justice.
- Has not put a dime in for a single new nuclear power plant but wants to help bridges and roads to promote more driving.
- Obama, Blagojevich and Rahm Emanuel have a LOT to hide. They literally lived next to each other, Rahm had (until being Chairman Obama's Chief of staff) Blagojevich's old federal congressional seat. Blagojevich helped Chairman "The Teleprompter" Obama cheat his way to the Illinois senate by getting other candidates thrown off the ballot in Illinois. Why do you think Blagojevich was so mad? Obama DID owe him, big time. Rahm and Obama are using Blagojevich and trying to cut his head off to keep him away.
- Tony Rezko, Iraqi Arms Dealer Nahdmi Auchi, and of course Aiham Alsammarae. Chairman "The Teleprompter" Hussein Obama is so corrupted its a joke.
- Fools and "useful idiots" twist the pie charts by leaving welfare, workfare, interest on debt, social security, Medicare and Medicaid out and focusing only on non-whole "discretionary" pie charts.
2007 high level pie chart, Federal Budget, USA [wikimedia.org]
2009 Pie chart, detailed, Federal Budget, USA [wikimedia.org]
- Chairman Obama is drastically increasing spending and creating more entitlements that will make the US less competitive (especially against China, India, East Europe/Russia). This will be a huge disaster and change you can believe in will strap you and your grandkids with more debt. No taxation without representation? Obama is spending money for the next two-three generations and they can't even vote yet, or even have been born.
- An alternative to the dollar and a forex and a reserve currency came up at the last G20 meeting. The world will not take faith in Obama's liar-socialist spending and welfare state, why should the taxpayers (plebian citizen-slaves of a police state).
- The spending going on now vastly eclipses all previous spending. In fact, the massive trillion plus debts is a thing of the 80's onwards. Congress signs the checks, remember that Year after year, as egregious as the pentagon spending is, that the social spending is completely a waste of money and it is unfunded over the long term. Eisenhower built the interstates, the US could build a new power infrastructure with this money but instead is being pissed into creating more of an entitlement system that is STILL unfunded, and without massive poll-taxes and far more aggressive progressive taxes, could NEVER be funded.
- The budgeting being done today were recently reported by a non-partisan auditing commission will lead to about 10 TRILLION in new debt over the next 10 years. Obama is going to double the national debt while doing nothing to address the unfunded debt obligations of Social Security.
- Clinton appointed David Walker of the GAO, he quit, the unfunded debt obligations have rendered the USA insolvent according to accounting standards.
Taxpayers on the hook for $59 trillion [usatoday.com]
US Public Debt Unfunded Debt Obligations [wikipedia.org]
- Most of the world population gets NOTHING from their governments, or a very bare minimum or services that benefit only the upper echelons of society. However, the liar Chairman Obama says we need his universal "state-hospital" rationed health care to be competitive. Bull. China and India give nothing, and they are the biggest threat to the American worker. By forcing healthcare and higher taxes, Americans will be less competitive.
- If you think 60% tax rates end to end (income, accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, excise tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capital gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, misc internet sales tax and many more taxes that I can't recall at the moment) will make the US competitive, along with compulsory programs to provide everyone with health care is going to make the US competitive in the age of India and China, you are a joke.
- As the US nationalizes (read: rations healthcare) to the least common denominator of affordability without regard to efficacy, people with money will simply look into medical tourism so those with money can go to medical parks in India and get real health care. Those who have lived in Canada or in the UK can tell you "free" healthcare is NOT a panacea. If you think this, you are again, a useful idiot. The NHS in the UK has given bad blood and Hepatitis and AIDS blood to people, and Jade Goody who just died was misdiagnosed twice resulting in her death (She was all cleared twice of cervical cancer which she just died of). The NHS in the UK is not able to be sued or held accountable. Neither will Chairman Obama's rationed health care service for America.
- Sorry to bust the socialist bubble-lie, but support of these types of policies will simply lower the standard of living in the USA, particularly for the middle class. At least at the end of the Eisenhower projects the USA got roads to show for the spending, and with this new spending, the USA could have built power plants that get the USA out of the middle east, but the age of government for the sake of government is upon us, and the useful idiots line up and believe empty promises.
The pentagon (and Bechtel, Kroll, Bluewater, Halliburton, etc) could get less than half of what they get today, but that will fix nothing fundamental in terms of government spending. It is simply not enough to make a difference when compared to the Medicare, Medicaid, welfare, workfare and social security entitlements.
See: YouTube - US Government Immorality Will Lead to Bankruptcy [youtube.com]
- If Obama thinks its ok to lie to 300 million people about being able to "take care of them" without even being honest about what that care would look like, then being an idiot and believing in Obama is for you.
- The head of the IRS and the head of the Treasury, Geithner, is a Tax Cheat
- Lied about no lobbyists - their numbers are growing.
- The US Government already have over 50% of the budget on Medicare, Medicaid, welfare, workfare and social security. Socialists: Good job on that one, its working great. Solution to the current near-collapse-due-to-over-spending: add more unfunded entitlements!
- You Socialist-liars can break my spirit and my financial back to force me to "need" a federal government that is turning this country into a police state and turn it into a quasi-socialist lie, but I will, I must put up a fight. I have kids to educate and feed, and the stuff you sell (which is failing to various degrees everywhere else as implemented) is simply forcing a culture of failure on a once great, libertarian free country.
- I will not be complacent with your "change," and there will be a point where civil war will become an option. See how hard you can push before you get it. How much more than half can the truly productive workers in this country afford to pay. Keep pushing to find out how to start a civil war.
- The socialist-lie of a plan will not work, its not fundable, it WILL destroy the currency to fund it, and its really as simple as this: if this insanity is funded by borrowing from the US's economic and military adversaries then Obama and his socialist cabal is NOT fit to administrate society. Rome fell. Kings who mis-manged their treasuries all fell. Every example of unhinged spending leads to the same result: systemic collapse.
- Obama and his sycophantic lunatics would want to have a civil war to get Chairman Obama's way and force the socialist-lie system on my already tax paying law abiding ass. And as far as "no new taxes" for those under 250k, its a lie, the tax is called inflation, which is set to begin just about now that the Chinese wont want the USA's worthless treasuries to fund the socialist-lie fantasy (one that COMMUNIST China doesn't even try and sell to its people!)
- Chairman Obama's numbers don't add up. There is a $59 trillion dollar hole (UFDO) in social security alone. AIG $150 billion here, TARP $350 billion there. $800 billion for a highly dubious stimulus package. Another one on the way. $59 trillion hole in the balance sheet IGNORED. China saying they aren't going to buy treasuries, Clinton clamoring to find buyers now. $3.6 trillion dollar budget, potential military action on Mexico, Iran still a "terrorist state" at the behest of the AIPAC, spending up, dollar about to fall, inflation over time since Breton Woods extremely easy to document, yet, the socialist-liars question when the numbers (the Federal Government numbers) simply don't add up to the point where if the US-GOV was a company it would be insolvent.
  -How dare the taxpayers question what Chairman Obama's drastic spending increases are going to do to the purchasing power of our savings because Chairman Obama wants to recklessly spend and try to maintain and American empire AND guarantee a standard of living, and Chairman Obama doesn't even want to build a single nuclear power plant to do it? Chairman Obama must be a complete and total lunatic moron.
- Obama is either a negligent idiot or an unhinged maniac with delusional fantasies. Meanwhile, Chainman Obama's tax dodging Treasury Secretary has 17 unfilled positions, the Treasury Dept. isn't even functioning at this point.
- "General welfare" in the constitution was, according to the man who wrote it, Madison, meant to be extremely limited in scope. The federal government per the constitution doesn't even have the enumerated POWER to deal with economic messes. A lot of these "POWERS" were created while there is a crisis to dupe the public into accepting an un-constitutional authoritarian regime as the government and to usurp authority over the people.
- The USA is a constitutional republic. A democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting to eat a sheep. Also a constitutional republic isn't about using a barely-majority or a plurality to stuff your (un-fundable disastrous) crap down the disenfranchised other-half's throat.
- With Obama's authoritarian corrupted criminal (aiding and abetting a criminal in flight of prosecution, Rich case) Eric Holder in charge, we won't have our inalienable and enumerated rights to firearms much longer. For a constitutional law expert, Obama must have never read the federalist papers or he would simply hand himself as a traitor.
- The arbitrary expansion of "general welfare" is not only unconstitutional, it may very well lead to a serious conflict on the issue.
- Here is a debate on general welfare and how stuff like this came to pass, but was clearly no intended by the authors of the document of root law.
In Federalist No. 41, James Madison asked rhetorically: "For what purpose could the enumeration of particular powers be inserted, if these and all others were meant to be included in the preceding general power?" (In reference to the general welfare clause)
So strongly did the founders believe that "general welfare" wouldn't be expanded as written:
In Federalist No. 84, Alexander Hamilton indirectly confirmed Madison's point. (That the "general welfare" clause was "clearly" nota free pass for government)
Hamilton argued that a bill of rights, which many were clamoring for, would be not only unnecessary, but dangerous. Since the federal government was given only a few specific powers, there was no need to add prohibitions: it was implicitly prohibited by the listed powers. If a proposed law a relief act, for instance wasn't covered by any of these powers, it was unconstitutional.
"why declare that things shall not be done which there is no power to do? Why, for instance, should it be said, that the liberty of the press shall not be restrained when no power is given by which restrictions may be imposed?"
Hamilton goes on to argue that making Amendments (e.g., enumerating Free speech, press and assembly) and enumerating the 'right' would have the following effect:
(A bill of rights) "would furnish, to men disposed to usurp, a plausible pretence for claiming that power that is, a power to regulate the press, short of actually shutting it down. "
"With respect to the words 'general welfare,' I have always regarded them as qualified by the detail of powers (enumerated in the Constitution) connected with them. To take them in a literal and unlimited sense would be a metamorphosis of the Constitution into a character which there is a host of proofs was not contemplated by its creators." --James Madison [The US Supreme Court has found the meaning of "general welfare" in the Constitution to be much more elastic than did Mr. Madison. But as the "author of the Constitution," what does he know?]
James Madison, when asked if the "general welfare" clause was a grant of power, replied in 1792, in a letter to Henry Lee,

If not only the means but the objects are unlimited, the parchment [the Constitution] should be thrown into the fire at once.

"...We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it...it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government , and to provide new Guards for their future security. ...--The Declaration of Independence
- Wrong, monetizing failures causes more. Japan showed us this for decades. But hey, Chairman Obama thinks you can fix a problem DECADES in the making with a quick fixer-upper, he is screwed in the head.
- The complaints are with the Federal government (in general) since Breton Woods. The Federal Government and Obama's minions STILL didn't listen to David Walker, a Clinton appointee and former head of the GAO. This isn't about political parties anymore morons!
- Show me a single federal budget that was less than the previous. If this $3.6T budget goes, its never coming back barring systemic collapse.
- The United States Federal Government, The United States Federal Reserve, and the banks which were enabled to continue down reckless paths by a quasi government agency known as the Federal Reserve whose actions are not subject to congress and whose members are unelected. This situation is untenable and unconstitutional.
- Every inflationary road taken in history ends in collapse. Keynesian policies are widely regarded as no longer workable.
- Inflation is a tax: What ignorant tax and spenders don't take into account here is the relative percentages of people's wealth (both net and gross) and the costs of owning and maintaining houses, cars, standards of living.
- Inflation via deficit spending is going to make it such that you will be paying a lot more by percentage of your income to maintain a given standard of living. Obama's arguments are so poorly thought out and seek to blame "Republicans" for the mess, its really simply laughable - the needs cleanup now, not worsening.
- You can't spend your way out of a hole if the creditors (e.g. China) start telling the USA they won't buy. It is that simple. Now America starts to have to collateralize the debt with assets. The USA will be selling off chunks of American assets to back the new debt. One day, it may even be necessary to sell Alaska back to Russia because no one will take greenbacks to prop up a failing version of a modern Rome.
- Ah, here we go with the Matthew Lesko arguments. [lesko.com]
Interest rates were on the rise before the government stepped in with free money for everyone (the fine print of course indicate massive strings attached).
Other economies, for example, India, have the central rates set to far more reasonable/realistic rates (at the moment ~ 8+%), which is still tends to be too low, but shows that if you need someone else capital you need to pay a premium for it, and given that capital is in short supply, it would stand to reason that a premium must be charged for it.
The problem is the unrealistic growth rates of mature economies don't allow for profiting via growth projections (rather than simply earning money). So the government steps in, turns on the free money spigot, gets the interest rates for savings down in the 1-2% range while diluting the value of the whole currency in order to prop up dying companies that ran the business like a Madhoff Ponzi scheme.
- The Republicans aren't solely responsible for the crisis as Obama's minions would have you believe, congress is (no particular congress), the Executive of the US government (no particular one) and the US Federal Reserve System are all at fault.
- Fundamentally, the government is trying to fix the prices of various things to "make it all work." This pulling on the invisible hand is a fools venture. It was predicted long ago the housing collapse (and those, such as myself, in the know, wished while realizing the housing collapse coming that we were wrong for everyone's sake - but the truth is the truth) . It may be that the Austrian (von Mises) economists will ultimately be proven right.
- We are a nation of partially educated whiney grabby idiots, and we got the government that represents this. The Chinese, India and other up and coming nations will show no mercy for this arrogant abuse of our status as the world's forex reserves.
- War and asset sales will continue to be the only option for this scheme until it is corrected at the core. And to say that the government has already averted a depression by doing what they did (most of the monies injected wont be "felt" for some time), is just arrogance and stupidity. Price fixing prolonged the Great Depression. Price-fixing (or attempting to) houses will do the same, but probably worse.
- Obama's minions simply don't care if the US is bankrupted and rendered insolvent, they just want a say in how its done, presumably to "feel safe." Rather selfish.

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." AND "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." -- Benjamin Franklin (Possibly Richard Jackson)

- Everyone better realize that inflation will pay a major role in funding un-fundable fantasies, wiping the savers and the middle class out. The problem is, that other countries are growing tired of making our Federal Reserve notes worth something by buying our debt as treasuries. Obama's minions talk about spending, but in order to "get what YOU want" you will sell debt to potential economic and military adversaries? Real bright. What's really sad is that despite David Walker being an authority on these issues, people refuse to even watch him and listen to what he is saying.
- On the success of Canada and its form of Socialism: A huge country like Canada with massive amounts of uranium and tar sands and natural resources and a huge land mass with a scant 30 million people is an order of magnitude less of a problem to manage than a country with 10x its population, a serious leaky southern border, backfiring aggressive foreign policy, particularly with Iran, and the US is competing with countries like India and China whose middle classes are larger than the US's entire population. The top 5 students in every Indian and Chinese primary school out numbers all the kids in primary school in the US. Canada is a idyllic island, the USA is front and center in an all out economic and political clash of ideologies.
- Cap and trade (and pollution control for solving global problems) will never work unless the top 10 countries in the world (in terms of both GDP and manufacturing capacity and population) are on board. Period end. If the world doesn't quickly move to nuclear now and fusion shortly, it is OVER possibly not if every home on the planet gets a wind vane, but that seems unlikely to happen (since its possible now).
- Keynes calls it "the paradox of thrift" and suggested that policies forcing people not to save is a "good idea." The guy wanted people spending all the time, or if he didn't, he never conveyed that to his protégés well enough for them to not do what they are doing. Right now the plebeians in the US are actually stashing cash, and everyone from Obama to the media is trying to get people to spend spend spend. The best thing for the long term is for people to prepare for the coming hell, not set out with no reserves.
- I have seen Keynes invoked to justify nearly every bad move in the past decade, and its warming up to be a potential currency collapse, the collapse of the US Treasury and Federal Reserve notes, and a collapse of the NYSE. And then they invoke Keynes to suggest the best way out of the mess is to spend out of an already near-critically debt massed black hole.
- A house is run like a town is run like a country or business is run like a state is run like a government. If there are things the government is doing that would either force your home into bankruptcy or into jail via fraud charges, then the government and banks shouldn't be operating in that fashion. A certain degree of stretchy liquidity is in order, but in terms of percent of GDP, there is no way of justifying what they US has now.
- Iceland failed at 850 percent debt to GDP. The US is at 350 and rising. It is not a good thing at all.
- What is happening to the dollar as a forex standard. [youtube.com]
- March 19, 2009 C-SPAN - "Let's Quit Destroying Our Dollar!" [youtube.com]
- HR 1207 (A bill to make the Fed more accountable and to answer questions regarding the dollar policy) [loc.gov]

Title: Obama sidetracked by fiscal mess, but presses on [yahoo.com]
"Being heard above the din may prove difficult. Lawmakers are wrangling over taxing people who got big bonuses and worrying the president's budget could generate $9.3 trillion in red ink over the next decade."
- Kremlin to pitch new global currency [infowars.com]
Russia proposes creation of global super-reserve currency

Holy crap, even the Russians and Chinese get it. Strange days are here.

Re:Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Report (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319067)

Hey now, I don't care what you think about his politics - there's no need to call Obama a chimp.

Re:Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Report (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319343)

Why, they used to call Bush that all the time. Now you see the problem with Reverse Racism and Political Correctness.

Re:Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Report (0, Offtopic)

jameskojiro (705701) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319367)

Calling the president a chimp is so 2000-2008ish.

Re:Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Report (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319435)

Johnny Rebel - Still Lookin' For A Handout

Not so long ago I wrote a little song and much to my suprise before very long, Lookin' For A Handout was sittin' on top of the segregation hit parade. So the nigger population keeps gettin' bigger and since I got my first break by singin' about niggers, I'll just sing two or three more verses and see if I can double up on the friends I've made. Now we've all heard of the NAACP. They say they're gonna make all them niggers free. What they mean is they're lookin' for someone to earn it, bring it in their house, put it on the table, and feed 'em. 'Cause their idea of freedom ain't bein' free. It seems they're more interested in gettin' it free. And me and my family and every other white man and his family could go for that kind of freedom., Still lookin' for a handout, Things are still the same, Still lookin' for a handout, Not a thing has changed, While they're on welfare, They haven't got a care, 'Cause they like it that way, They like it that way, My mother used to say, "Son, a livin' comes hard, and you ain't gonna make it by sittin' in the yard. You just can't sit around like a nigger, you had to get up off and hustled yourself a job." And after all these years I find this true, and I sit and wonder like most white men do. Who in the world is feedin' them jungle bunnies while they're demonstratin', causin' riots, and formin' mobs?, Still lookin' for a handout, Things are still the same, Still lookin' for a handout, Not a thing has changed, While they're on welfare, They haven't got a care, They like it that way, They like it that way, Now my suggestion to their problem of bein' free is goin' back to Africa and be cannibals like they used to be. And they can spend the rest of their lives eatin' each other, throwin' coconuts, and swingin' from a tree. Or they can stay here and be our friends, and still be free like they've always been. And start earnin' their own way of life, and stop dependin' on you and me, Still lookin' for a handout, Things are still the same, Still lookin' for a handout, They outta be ashamed, But like I said before, They keep-a-wantin' more, They like it that way, They like it that way, They like it that way-ay-ay-ay-a-a-ay-a-a-ay-ay

Artist: Johnny Rebel Song: who likes a nigger

L.B.J. was a-flyin' one morn', Over south Louisiana...feeling for alarm, When he looks down below, and what does he see?, Two cajuns pullin' a nigger on ski's!, So he lands, and says, "Thanks for helping your black brother!", And them two cajuns just looked at each other, And said, "He might be smart, but I'll tell you something...", "He don't know a thing about alligator huntin'!", O-wop-bop-bam-bam, Who likes a nigger?, o-wop-bop-bam-bam
(CHORUS), Who likes a nigger?, o-wop-bop-bam-bam, Who likes a nigger?, And the hatin', everybody, is a-gettin' much bigger, Rich man travelin' down thru the South, Stopped in Mississippi to get a tooth pulled out, When he paid the doctor the charges due, He said "My nigger chauffer's got a bad tooth, too", "Well, I'll pull it...", said the doc, "but you'd better not holler!, Cause I'll have to charge you $200.00, Cause here in Mississippi he can't open his mouth, We'll have to go thru his bottom, to get the thing out!"
Chorus
There ain't much difference 'tween a nigger and a donkey, 'Bout as much between an ape and a monkey, Ones a little bigger, but you gotta agree, There's not very much more that you can see., But a mule earns his livin' by the sweat of his neck, While a nigger sits down and draws a gov't check, The nigger should be smarter, as a general rule, But in a spelling contest, I'd pick the mule!

Artist: Johnny Rebel Song: nigger hating me

I like sugar, and I like tea, But I don't like niggers...no siree!, There's two known things that'll make me puke, And that's a hog eatin' slop, and a big, black spook!, You know it...cause I show it, Like a barn-yard rooster I crow it!, And the NAACP, Would sure like to get a-hold of nigger-hatin' me!, Roses are red, and violet's are blue, And nigger's are black, you know that's true, But they don't mind, cause what the heck!, You gotta be black to get a welfare check!, And I'm broke...no joke, I ain't got a nickel for a coke!, And I ain't black, you see, So Uncle Sam won't help poor nigger-hatin' me., Jig-A-Boo, jig-a-boo...where are you?, I's here in the woodpile...watchin' you, Jig-A-Boo, jig-a-boo...come out!, No! Cause I'm scared of the white man's a-way down South, You know it!...cause I show it., Stick your black head out and I'll blow it!, And the NAACP, Can't keep you away from little old nigger-hatin' me!, Mirror, mirror...on the wall, Who is the blackest of them all?, A man named King, and there ain't no doubt, That he's causin' lots of trouble with his baboon mouth., Brewin'...he's a doin', It's caused by the trouble he's a-brewin', And the NAACP, Can't win if the white men stick with nigger-hatin' me!, Hey! Mr. President! What do you say?, When are we whites gonna have our day?, The nigger's had there's such a long, long time, I'm white, and it's time that I had mine!, You know it...cause I show it!, Stick your black head out and I'll blow it!, And the NAACP, Can't win if the white man sticks with nigger-hatin' me

Artist: Johnny Rebel Song: Affirmative Action

Affirmative action, what's this country coming to?, Affirmative action, what's the white man gonna do?, It's another government handout and simply said, "You've got to hire a nigger instead", I was down at the office, cleaning up the joint, Just doing a little extra, making brownie points, Cause I'd heard somebody say, a promotion's on the line, So I was working hard, I wa.nted that promotion to be mine, So I asked the CEO if I could have a try, He said "you work hard, son and I know you qualify., You're the best man for the job but it's out of my hands, I've got to give it to a nigger, courtesy of Uncle Sam", Oh affirmative action, what's this country coming to?, Affirmative action, what's the white man gonna do?, It's another government handout and simply said, "You've got to hire a nigger instead.", Now I went looking for a new job the very next day., I got an interview and things were surely going my way.., I was asked a lot of questions, I was giving it my best, My qualifications were impeccable, I could tell he was impressed, Then a nigger walked in and said, "yo, what's up, You need a man, well here I be. Say bro, you're in luck", The bossman looked at me and said "what can I do?, Uncle Sam says I've got to hire the nigger instead of you", Oh affirmative action, what's this country coming to?, Affirmative action, what's the white man gonna do?, It's another government handout and simply said, "You've got to hire the nigger instead", Now we've gotta stop what's happening to you and me., The feds have got to listen, and I'm sure you'll agree, We need to get their attention, and make them understand, I've been thinking about it lately, and I got a plan.., Oh let's act like a bunch of niggers and go out in the street., And demonstrate, and raise some hell, to everyone we meet, We'll stop taking all this crap that we have in the past., And tell Uncle Sam to stick the affirmative action up his ass., So affirmative action, what's this country coming to?, Affirmative action, what's the white man gonna do?, It's another government handout and simply said, "You've got to hire a nigger instead", Oh it's another government handout and simply said, "You've got to hire a nigger instead"

Artist: Johnny Rebel Song: Reparations

There you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, You say all your ancestors were slaves, And that's the reason that you ought to get paid, You want something for nothing, you monkeys are all the same, You're putting all of the blame on the whites, We violated your civil rights, But your civil rights proven is nothing but a shakedown game., So there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, There ain't a slave still living today, So tell me why do you think we should pay?, For what we didn't do, and what didn't happen to you, You can always go back home, Where the monkeys and the baboons roam, And if you're ain't satisfied that's exactly what you ought to do., Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, We don't owe you a damn thing, Man, you gotta be out of your mind, So take your reparations, And stick them where the sun don't shine, Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, And there you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, We don't owe you a damn thing, Hey, you gotta be out of your mind, So take your reparations, And stick them where the sun don't shine, Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, I said listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me

Artist: Johnny Rebel Song: Alabama Nigger

I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I dont drink, I dont cuss, I wanna ride on the front of the bus, I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I wanna eat where the white folks eat, cause I'm white on the bottom of my feet., I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, We dont screw like the white folks do, we just screw til we get through, I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I wanna be white more and more, so i can bitch at the nigger next door, I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I'm glad this tune came along, we done wore out one nigger song., I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I wanna be white dont you understand, so I can play in a trashy white band, I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P, I'm an Alabama Nigger and I wanna be free, Hell with the N double A C P

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: DAMN, I WISH I WAS A NIGGER

if i was a nigger...i could drive a cadillac with class, my pocket stuffed with welfare checks, and i could sit on my big black ass, now you take a nigger, he aint nobody's fool, he doesn't buy any gasoline to drive his kids to school, damn i wish i was a nigger, our government has gone crazy, id change things if i could, if i was only a nigger, i could afford to live in a white neighborhood, oh the things that i could do, if i was black and hell bent, i could send my kids to college, and it wouldn't cost me one damn cent, damn i wish i was a nigger, the wife and i were down on our luck, we were really getting uptight, they said at the welfare office, you aint black you're white, oh how I've tried to get a job, a diploma i had with pride, the post office man laughed and said youre not dark enough to even qualify, damn i wish i was a nigger, i took a civil service exam, and passed it without shame, a nigger took one next to me, and he couldnt even write his own name, the nigger, he got the job, now he's government top ?prass?, he couldn't qualify for a trash truck, I'm out on the street on my ass, damn i wish i was a nigger, if i was a Jesse Jackson, id be nobody's slob, wearin $500.00 dollar suits, that nigger hasn't even got a job, if i was Jackson Brown, i could sit back and relax, and if elected president, could paint the white house black, damn i wish i was a nigger, if i was a jig-a-boo, i could find me my roots, with a afro big as a watermelon, and a pair of white disco boots, if i was only dark complexioned, i could stand tall in this life, i could eat high off the hog, just me and my white wife, damn i wish i was a nigger, things are supposed to be segregated, but things are a little off key, I've never seen a white man, head...of the NAACP, it aint that i don't like a nigger, if I've rubbed you wrong by chance, take a look at that mistletoe, hanging on the seat of my pants, damn i wish i was a nigger, if i was a kinky top, i could be a Martin Luther King, id have me a vision on a mountain top, my song the whole world would sing, i could have me a peace march, on the streets of Memphis, Tennessee, i could tare up the whole damn city, and the police wouldn't dare stop me, damn i wish i was a nigger, a lot of things in life i know, but one thing i cant figure, why a nigger can call me a honkey, and i cant call a nigger a nigger, if i was a jungle bunny, i could ring a golden bell, i could be a Mohammed Ali, and be loved by Howard Coozell, damn i wish i was a nigger, if i was a you-bangy, 7 foot tall and lean, i could be a famous player, on the Washington basketball team, if i was only chocolate brown, i could have me some turnip greens, a possum fat an watermelon, chitlens and a pot of butter beans, damn i wish i was a nigger, now when Martin Luther King, was buried in Washington with class, face down in his box, so the politicians could kiss his ass, i guess its just politics, and it sure gets my goat, kiss assin with a nigger, just to get his vote, damn i wish i was a nigger, if i was only a ?birdhead?, id live high on the hill, sellin cocaine and prostitutes, and poppin all kinds of pills, now take the NAACP, they can march and raise all kinds of hell, let the KKK start to move, and they'll all wind up in jail, damn i wish i was a nigger, i dreamed my life was over, i heard saint peter say, today we're taken on the niggers, you've gotta go the..other way, then i heard the devil, he said i heard what peter had to say, but I'm sorry to tell you son, today in hell...is nigger day, damn don't you wish you were a nigger, I'm going back to the hills of Arkansas, where they don't have those not damn one sided nigger peace marches, protesters, welfare check grabbers, I'm gon' plant me some turnip greens in a watermelon patch, raise me a hog, and a big fat possum, i said yes i am your mother

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: If I Could Be A Nigger For A Day

Hello, I'm Johnny Rebel. For a long time we've listened to these niggers pitch a fit, 'bout their hard times, and civil rights. Well, ain't that the pits? So I think I'll take me an imaginary trip, and try to be a nigger for a day., If I could be a nigger for a day, I could live my life the free and easy way, I'd take from Uncle Sam and let the white man pay, If I could be a nigger for a day, Now for one whole day, a nigger I could be, The first thing I'd do is join the NAACP, And I'd let Fwyzee and Foo-May do my thinkin' for me, If I could be a nigger for a day, Now I wouldn't wanna work, 'cause I wouldn't have to, Guess what I'd do next, well, you shouldn't need a clue, I'd go down to social services like all the brothers do, If I could be a nigger for a day, Oh if I could be a nigger for a day, I could live my life the free and easy way, I'd take from Uncle Sam and let the white man pay, If I could be a nigger for a day, Now when I'd sit down in that office, the office of welfare, I'd get food stamps, a medical card, and free child care, For all the illegitimate kids that I've got scattered everywhere, If I could be a nigger for a day, Now I'd have plenty of time, so I'd hang out with a mob, And I'd consume a little dope, or find a good place to rob, Now that would make me self-employed and I wouldn't even need a job, If I could be a nigger for a day, Oh if I could be a nigger for a day, I could live my life the free and easy way, I'd take from Uncle Sam and let the white man pay, If I could be a nigger for a day, And when I'd need somethin' I'd steal it so I wouldn't have to buy it, And if the cops would apprehend me you know that I'd deny it, And I could call Jesse or Al, they'd come and start a riot, If I could be a nigger for a day, But I can't be a nigger, and I don't really have to be, 'Cause coon, let me tell ya, it's plain and simple to see, That if I was you for a day then I'd be taking from me, So I don't wanna be a nigger for a day, I don't wanna be a nigger for a day, I don't wanna live the free and easy way, I'll struggle long, and struggle hard, but that's okay, 'Cause I'll never be a nigger for a day, No, I'll never be a nigger for a day

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: In Coontown

If you smell somethin' funny when you walk down the street, You're in Coontown, You look and see garbage all over the street, You're in Coontown, Up and down the street there ain't nothin' but trash, Nigger girls tryin' to get a nigger boy's cash, Then you even see a spook with a big moustache, In Coontown, On the corner there's a nigger with a drink in his hand, That's Coontown, Tryin' to bum a nickel from whoever he can, In Coontown, And don't be suprised, you can make a bet, If you go back tomorrow he'll be there yet, He's tryin' to get drunk, and drunk he's gonna get, In Coontown, Niggers never bother 'bout goin' to work, In Coontown, They seem to think that work is for jerks, Outta Coontown, He don't do nothin' but sleep and doze, He don't wake until his eyes are tired of bein' closed, It's half a day's work for him to scratch his toes, In Coontown, It amazes me to see the way they live, In Coontown, They do all the takin' while we have to give, To Coontown, The white man worries the nigger don't care, 'Cause at the end of the month his check'll be there, Every nigger earns his livin' off the old welfare, In Coontown, Every nigger earns his livin' off the old welfare, In Coontown,

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: It's The Attitude, Stupid

It ain't the big lips, It ain't the nose, It ain't your kinky hair, Or your clothes, It ain't your dreadlocks hangin', Or the way that you walk, It ain't the smell, It ain't the black, White people might probably, Learn a little bit better, But if you wanna know nigger, I'll tell ya what pisses us off, It's the attitude stupid, It's what's inside your brain, It's the attitude stupid, Ain't you ever gonna change, You keep thinkin' everything, Is black and white, Don't you know the difference, 'Tween wrong and right, It's the attitude stupid, We don't owe you a thing, It ain't your looks, And that's a fact, It ain't your ass, Ridin' up on your back, It ain't the way you say "argh-a", When you spell out a word, It's the things you say, And you do, Thinkin' white people, Still owe somethin' to you, Well listen to me nigger, This is somethin' you've never heard, It's the attitude stupid, It's what's inside your brain, It's the attitude stupid, Ain't you ever gonna change, You keep thinkin' everything, Is black and white, Don't you know the difference, 'Tween wrong and right, It's the attitude stupid, We don't owe you a thing, It's the attitude stupid, We don't owe you a thing

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: Jesse Showed Up

Grocery store, Three niggers inside, The store ain't open, It's the middle of the night, Alarm goes off, The cops show up, They caught 'em red-handed, Put 'em in handcuffs, And then..., And then..., And then..., And then..., Jesse showed up, Jesse showed up, Wouldn't you know it, Jesse Jackson showed up, He had a bunch of porch monkeys, Praisin' his name, While he preached and he hollered, And he passed the blame, And said:, "Them niggers wasn't stealin' when they got caught. They was only doin' some shoppin' just like I thought. White man should never store there it's all his fault.", And they all got excited, When Jesse showed up, Election time, A new president, Al Gore never wins, So the niggers all went, The checks were counted, And counted again, They counted three times, But they still didn't win, And then..., And then..., And then..., And then..., Jesse showed up, Jesse showed up, Wouldn't you know it, Jesse Jackson showed up, He had a bunch of porch monkeys, Praisin' his name, While he preached and he hollered, And he passed the blame, And said:, "Listen you niggers I think we've been had. If we lose this election it's gonna be bad. And it's the white man's fault 'cause he stole all the checks.", And they all got excited, When Jesse showed up, Something's gonna happen, One of these days, If Jesse Jackson don't start, Mendin' his ways, He's gonna keep stirrin', The niggers up, 'Til the white man says, Enough is enough, And then..., And then..., And then..., And then..., The Klan'll show up, The Klan'll show up, All dressed in white, They're gonna show up, He's gonna be sorry, For struttin' his stuff, Hell's gonna break loose, When the Klan shows up, And they'll say:, "Jackson, what do you mean causin' all this trouble? It's up yours nigger, we gonna pop your bubble. We gonna break it off in ya, and stick it in double.", So just watch yourself Jesse, When this Klan shows up, You'd better watch yourself Jesse, When the Klan shows up,

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: Kajun Ku Klux Klan

You niggers listen now, I'm gonna tell you how, To keep from getting torchered, When the Klan is on the prowl, Stay at home at night, And lock your doors up tight, Don't go outside or else you'll find, Those crosses-a-burnin' bright, Now I know you won't believe me, So I'm gonna tell you why, The Kajun Ku Klux Klan, Is gonna get you by and by, I'm warnin' you that when I'm through, You're gonna change your tune, This story's 'bout a nigger, His name was Levi Coon, He walked into a cafe, He thought he'd get a bite, He thought that they would serve him, Since they passed the civil rights, The waitress told him no, And that he'd better go, He said, "No ma'am, my Uncle Sam say, I don't have to go.", So he sat there in that cafe, Bein' stubborn as a mule, No matter what she said, He wouldn't get up off that stool, He sat there like a jackass, Said, "I'm gonna demonstarate., I came in here to eat, and, I ain't leavin' 'til I've ate.", The waitess had enough, She said, "I'll call your bluff.", She said, "If we can't treat you right, We'll have to treat you rough.", The phone was in her hands, She gave him one more chance, He wouldn't go, and so she called, The Kajun Ku Klux Klan, When he saw them cajuns comin', Levi knew it was too late, His eyes popped out his head, And his kinky hair got straight, He said, "Oh lousy white folks, I didn't mean a thing., Why did I have to listen, To that demonstrator King?", Now niggers understand, They tied up both his hands, He was at the mercy of, The Kajun Ku Klux Klan, I knew just what they'd do, Levi knew it too, I knew what kind of torture, They would put that nigger through, Now the moral of this story, As plain as it can be, Niggers mind your business, And let us white folks be, You'd better heed my warnin', And try to understand, Don't you demonstrate, Around the Kajun Ku Klux Klan

Artist: Johnny Rebel Title: Keep Workin' Big Jim

Keep a-workin' Big Jim, You'll prove it by and by, Keep a-workin' Big Jim, Find out the reasons why, A few years ago,in the year of '63, A President was shot-he died, And the man accused of killing him was shot to death, Before he was even tried, Then the Warren Commission,made up of what should be, The greatest lawmen of our time, Wrapped up the case,and said the assassination, Was the work of one warped mind, Keep a-workin' Big Jim, We hope you prove they're wrong, Keep a-workin' Big Jim, We're with you all day long, In a shorter time than it takes to solve a simple theft case, They said they solved the crime of our time, Oswald was the man,they said he worked it all alone, No one conspired with him to plan the crime, Big Jim Garrison,a lawyer from New Orleans, Didn't think the case was really solved, In his investigation,he's come up with a lot, He's gonna prove somebody else was involved, Keep a-workin' Big Jim, We wanna know the truth, Keep a-workin' Big Jim, The nation's watching you, Now wouldn't it be something if the Warren Report, Turned out to be just a lie, And one big man who was working all alone, Found the answers and the reasons why, And the so-called leaders of the government, Who won't try to help him win the fight, It seems they're more afraid that Jim will prove them wrong, Instead of hoping Big Jim's right,
Johnny Rebel - Lookin' For A Handout

Have you ever been just drivin' around, and ended up in the colored part of town? And you see an old-time wanderoo Jack with a great big T.V. antenna. Then you look out in the back, you can always see a Cadillac. And inside there's about fifteen niggers eatin' one can of beans for dinner. Now ain't that just like a nigger, so the story goes. They just like to live that-a-way, you know? Why, they haven't got one spark of ambition in their minds. They're hard-headed as a dad-blamed mule, and the only reason they go to school is so they can learn to sign their names when they become members of the welfare line., They're lookin' for a handout, To get somethin' free, Lookin' for a handout, From you and me, And with the consent, Of the president, They're gonna get their way, They're gonna get their way, Now I ain't aimin' to run anybody down, but I know how they operate down in Coontown. Why, they wouldn't hit a lick at a snake if it was curly enough to strike. But when their leader says, "Hey nigger, demonstrate", why, them jigaboos don't even hesitate. 'Cause as a nigger says, "Uhh, hmm, uhh...them's the kind of happenin' we likes.", They're lookin' for a handout, To get somethin' free, Lookin' for a handout, From you and me, And with the consent, Of the president, They're gonna get their way, They're gonna get their way, But one day there's gonna be a stop to all this givin', and darkies you gonna have to account for your livin'. You won't be able to hold your black hand out and wait for somebody to give you your daily bread. 'Cause the master said you'll have to earn your salvation, so you'd better start lookin' over the situation, and stop causin' all this trouble, and be a good 'ol nigger instead., And quit lookin' for a handout, To get somethin' fee, Quit lookin' for a handout, From Uncle Sam and me, Don't try to integrate, Be glad to segregate, It's better that way, Much better that way, It's better that way-ay-ay-ay-a-a-ay-a-a-ay-ay
Johnny Rebel - Move Them Niggers North

Move them niggers north, Move them niggers north, If they don't like our southern ways then, Move them niggers north, Our South has been invaded by, Trashy-lookin' crew, They'll change our ways and take our schools, Away from me and you, It's time for us to make a stand, To keep our southern ways, We've got to give a helping hand, It's unity that pays, Move them niggers north, Move them niggers north, If they don't like our southern ways then, Move them niggers north, They're trying to start trouble, By mixing up the races, They feel a whole lot better off, By staying in their places, I like our South, man, the way it is, I'm sure that you do too, Oh, Martin Luther thinks it's his, I know he's wrong, don't you?, Move them niggers north, Move them niggers north, If they don't like our southern ways then, Move them niggers north, It's time for us to make a stand, To keep our southern ways, We've got to give a helping hand, It's unity that pays, Move them niggers north, Move them niggers north, If they don't like our southern ways then, Move them niggers north, (Move them niggers north), (Move them niggers north), (Move them niggers north)
Johnny Rebel - Nigger, Nigger

Nigger, nigger, Tellin' lies, Black face and bloodshot eyes, Crooked toes and crooked nose, That's the way a nigger goes, (That's how he goes), They're marching for equality, They'll never be as good as me, We won't let them integrate, We must only segragate, (Keep 'em in their places), Nigger, nigger, Tellin' lies, Black face and bloodshot eyes, Crooked toes and crooked nose, That's the way a nigger goes, Oh, Martin Luther's got to go, That's one thing that we all know, We'll take him ridin' on a rail, And lock him in the county jail, Niggers want to change our ways, But taxes they won't ever pay, Monkey lips and kinky hair, Living off that old welfare, (Got their handout), They might as well give up the fight, No federal judge can make them white, The job is up to you and me, Let's beat the NAACP, (Move 'em north), Nigger, nigger, Tellin' lies, Black face and bloodshot eyes, Crooked toes and crooked nose, That's the way a nigger goes, That's the way a nigger goes, That's the way a nigger goes, That's the way a nigger goes,
Johnny Rebel - Nigger-In-Law

The other day I ran into an old friend, Joe was his name, So I said, "Joe, how ya been?", He said, "JR, you won't believe this, but things ain't worth a damn.", And I said, "Joe, what's the problem?', He said "JR, you wanna know my problem? Well, I'll tell ya my problem.", And he began his story, something like this:, All my life I've been single, I didn't wanna be tied down, But I finally did it, I finally got married, And the chants started goin' around, She was divorced and had three kids, They all had fair skin and blonde hair, But I didn't know their daddy was a nigger, And daddy just had to be there, Awwwww..., What do you do when, Everything's messed up, Stickin' down in your crawl, Other men lucky, All they have to aggitate 'em, Is a dog-gone, Mother-in-law, But this black hairy dude, Livin' down at my house, Beats all you ever saw, I'm the sole-bred winner, Of a wife and three, Bakin' ninnies, And a nigger-in-law, And he kept on-a-talkin', And I just kept on listenin', And he went on, something like this:, It all started last friday evenin', I got home from work, there he sat, Sittin' there loafin', restin' and-a-smokin', Man, he was ace of spades black, I didn't know just who he was then, But it wasn't too long 'til I did, He said, "Don't get uptight, I have visitin' rights., I came to see your wife and my kids.", Awwwww..., What do you do when, Everything's messed up, Stickin' down in your crawl, Other men lucky, All they have to aggitate 'em, Is a dog-gone, Mother-in-law, But this black hairy dude, Livin' down at my house, Beats all you ever saw, I'm the sole-bred winner, Of a wife and three, Bakin' ninnies, And a nigger-in-law, But he talked on, and I began to figure out, That Joe had found a solution, He said:, He was still there saturday evenin', Just-a-watchin' me mow the lawn, He watched the game on sunday and the soaps on monday, It's tuesday and he still wasn't gone, Suddenly I got me an idea, And I came up with a plan, I turned my nigger-loving wife and her nigger ex-husband, Over to the Ku Klux Klan, Hehe..., That's what you do, When everything's messed up, Stickin' down in your crawl, Never again will I, Ever say a word, About anybody's, Mother-in-law, That nigger ho'ed up, When the Klan showed up, It's the last thing he ever saw, Now I'm the ex-husband, Of a wife with three, Bakin' ninnies, And a nigger-in-law, I'm the proud ex-husband, Of a wife with three, Bakin' ninnies, And a nigger-in-law
Johnny Rebel - Niggers Suck!

Well I don't know why the sky is blue, And why the gums on a nigger well they're blue too, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, But I do know niggers suck, And I don't know why the world ain't flat, And why the nose on a nigger is flat like that, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, But I do know niggers suck, I don't know, I don't wanna know, Why a jigaboo's lips are thick, But I sure know that, A nigger ain't worth a lick, And I don't know, I don't wanna know, Why a nigger ain't got no pride, But I know them coons are never, No, they're never satisfied, Well I don't know why the rain comes down, I don't know why a nigger is black or brown, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, I do know niggers suck, Well I don't know why nigger stinks, I don't know why jigaboo's hair has kinks, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, I do know niggers suck, I don't know why night turns to day, And why a nigger won't work to earn his way, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, But I do know niggers suck, I don't know, I don't wanna know, Why a jigaboo's lips are thick, But I sure know that, A nigger ain't worth a lick, And I don't know, I don't wanna know, Why a nigger ain't got no pride, But I know them coons are never, No, they're never satisfied, I don't know why a nigger is kin to an ape, I don't know why spooks wanna integrate, I don't pay attention to all that stuff, But I do know niggers suck, I do know niggers suck, Hey, I do know niggers suck
Johnny Rebel - No Niggers In Our Schools
No we don't want niggers in our schools, We're not for immigration, Keep those niggers in their place, We'll have a better nation, Our southland got along just fine, Until those immigrators, Came down here sturring up a mess, With outside aggitators, They'll march, sit in and demonstrate, And try to take our schools, They want to change our southern way, With a brand new set of rules, No we don't want niggers in our schools, We're not for immigration, Keep those niggers in their place, We'll have a better nation, We must prove to martin luther, We stand for what is right, No court, or left-wing liberals, Can ever make him white, Form a solid line of white men, Conservatives we'll be, They'll never ever overcome, Our schools will still be free, No we don't want niggers in our schools, We're not for immigration, Keep those niggers in their place, We'll have a better nation, We must prove to martin luther, We stand for what is right, No court, or left-wing liberals, Can ever make him white, Form a solid line of white men, Conservatives we'll be, They'll never ever overcome, Our schools will still be free, No we don't want niggers in our schools, We're not for immigration, Keep those niggers in their place, We'll have a better nation
Johnny Rebel - Quit Your Bitchin' Nigger!

Quit your bitchin' nigger and just let things be, You're messin' up big time take it from me, Quit your bitchin' nigger or you'll get your due, 'Cause the Ku Klux Klan will come-a-callin' on you, For forty-somethin' years you've been raisin' all hell, And niggers that ain't enough, We're all gettin' mighty fed up with you, And all of your civil rights stuff, Don't you love this country, either you do or you don't, If you ain't happy, then what the hell do you want, Hey quit your bitchin' niggers and just let things be, You're messin' up big time take it from me, Quit your bitchin' nigger or you'll get your due, 'Cause the Ku Klux Klan will come-a-callin' on you, You got money and jobs and your equal rights, Given by the government, You got welfare, food stamps, a medical card, And sometimes a little free rent, You just keep begging, takin' everything we've got, Well damn you nigger, don't you think it's time to stop, So quit your bitchin' niggers and just let things be, You're messin' up big time take it from me, Quit your bitchin' nigger or you'll get your due, 'Cause the Ku Klux Klan will come-a-callin' on you, Lately you're yelling 'bout our rebel flag, Wantin' us to take it down, It represents our history and southern pride, And rebel blood on the grass, So go to hell nigger, I'm tellin' ya loud and clear, It ain't comin' down, the rebel flag is stayin' right here, Hey quit your bitchin' niggers and just let things be, You're messin' up big time take it from me, Quit your bitchin' nigger or you'll get your due, 'Cause the Ku Klux Klan will come-a-callin' on you, 'Cause the Ku Klux Klan will come-a-callin' on you
Johnny Rebel - Reparations

There you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me,, You say all your ancestors were slaves, And that's the reason that you ought to get paid, You want something for nothing, you monkeys are all the same, You're putting all of the blame on the whites, We violated your civil rights, But your civil rights proven is nothing but a shakedown game.,, So there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me,, There ain't a slave still living today, So tell me why do you think we should pay?, For what we didn't do, and what didn't happen to you, You can always go back home, Where the monkeys and the baboons roam, And if you're ain't satisfied that's exactly what you ought to do.,, Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me,, We don't owe you a damn thing, Man, you gotta be out of your mind, So take your reparations, And stick them where the sun don't shine,, Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, And there you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me,, We don't owe you a damn thing, Hey, you gotta be out of your mind, So take your reparations, And stick them where the sun don't shine,, Hey there you go again talking about reparations, There you go again talking about something else free, There you go again talking about reparations, Well listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me, I said listen to me nigger, you ain't getting nothing from me
Johnny Rebel - Send 'Em All Back To Africa

We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, Where they belong, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, They oughta get the hell out of America, And leave the white man alone, They don't like this, they don't like that, They're never satisfied and that's a fact, They more we give, the more they take, The more we fix, the more they break, The country's in an awful mess, With a whole lotta civil unrest, I got one thing to suggest, They outta leave, and get gone, Gather up all the niggers, And go back home, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, Where they belong, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, They oughta get the hell out of America, And leave the white man alone, They want their way, it ain't no doubt, They just keep pushin', they never stop, They don't like the way things are done, They outta go back to where they come from, So white people I'm askin' you, Let's buy us a boat or two, And here's what we need to do, Help 'em pack, and be kind, Make sure we don't leave, One nigger behind, And send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, Where they belong, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, They oughta get the hell out of America, And leave the white man alone, Life in America would be so great, Without niggers here to demonstrate, 'Bout this, and that, and that, and this, And you, and me, and gettin' things free, Won't you listen to me?, Let's send 'em all back to Africa, Send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, Where they belong, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, We oughta send 'em all back to Africa, They oughta get the hell out of America, And leave the white man alone, They oughta get the hell out of America, And leave the white man alone
Johnny Rebel - Ship Those Niggers Back

Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Gather all those equals up and herd them on the pier, America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Twenty million ugly coons are ready on the pier, "Hey there man, I ain't gettin' in that boat, looks like that boat's leakin' to me, man," (whack!) "Ooooh yes, White Man, here I come!", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Boats are ready for the trip, we won't shed a tear, "You actin' like you don't love us nice colored folks any more," (whack!) "Ahhh! Ahhh, White Man brought us from Africa, your fault!", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Hand that chimp his ugly stick, hand that buck his spear, "Hold on there man, I've left my bottle of wine back there on the dock," (whack!) "Ahhh! Oww, man!", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Twenty million jigaboos, to Africa we'll steer, "How we gonna find Africa man, we ain't got no compass, how we gonna find that island, man," (whack!) "Ahhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh!", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, There they go far out to sea, see them disappear, "Hello, hello back there on the dock, I believe this boat is leakin' man.", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Boats are leaking badly now, they sink, we've settled here, "Help! Help, we're sinking! Gggglllluggggg...", America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, No more nigger civil rights led by nigger queers, America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, Our homes, our schools, our city streets of niggers will be clear, America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ring that bell, shout for joy, white man's day is here, America will be all white, the land we love so dear, America's for whites, Africa's for blacks, Send those apes back to the trees, ship those niggers back, Ship those niggers back, Ship those niggers back

Johnny Rebel - Some Niggers Never Die (They Just Smell That Way)

The other day I took a fishin' trip, Just me and my boat, and no Banjo lip, Banjo was my guide, an old colored feller, He wasn't very dark, he was a high-steppin' yeller, So we launched my boat, and I cranked my motor, And up to my nose came a terrible odor, I looked around, tryin' to find somethin' dead, But it was Banjo with his arm up, scratchin' his head, Some niggers never die, They just smell that way, Now the more he'd scratch, the more he'd sweat, And I'm here to say he was-a-chokin' me to death, So we loaded up, I just couldn't go on, And I coughed and I gagged, all the way home, When I dropped him off, I was next to dine, My nose was-a-runnin, and my eyes were-a-cryin', The smell scorched the hair right out of my nose, When I got home I had to burn all my clothes, Some niggers never die, They just smell that way, I recooperated quick, I was thankful for that, I was only in bed for a week and a half, The very first day I was up on my feet, I went to the supermarket, down the street, I shopped all around, and I filled out my order, My groceries were bagged by a fat nigger porter, The air conditioner was broke and I was ferocious, 'Cause it was hot and that nigger was-a-sweatin' on my groceries, Some niggers never die, They just smell that way, The vegetables and greens I bought started wilting, My blood pressure rose, and that could've killed me, I was gonna smash him all over that place, But he raised up his arm, and I fell on my face, Now I'm here in the hospital and at the ceiling I stare, I coulda whipped that nigger, 'cept he used germ warfare, So from now on I'll carry a long, long stick, 'Cause if I can keep from the smell, then I'll have 'em licked, Some niggers never die, They just smell that way

Johnny Rebel - Stay Away From Dixie

Well lately niggers are runnin' their mouths, Sayin' they're gonna take over the South, Jigaboo-here's to you, If you can, try it man, 'Cause Dixieland will never be free, To a nigger and the NAACP, Stay away, stay away, Stay away, from Dixieland, 'Cause we're proud of our Dixie, Hooray, hooray, We'll fight again this time we'll win, We've lived, we'll die in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie, In the Civil War a lot of men died, That's not enough, they ain't satisfied, They integrate, demonstarate, Shout and sing, for Mr. King, 'Cause Mr. King is-a-gonna lose out, When the northern states unite with the South, Watch the fun, when it's done, 'Cause they'll run, from Dixieland, 'Cause we're proud of our Dixie, Hooray, hooray, We'll fight again this time we'll win, We've lived, we'll die in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie, They've yelled "black power" in Alabama, Even demonstratin' in Louisiana, What a shame, they're to blame, 'Cause they came, to Dixieland, Up in the North big trouble they've brewed, In Chicago town and Cicero too, Let's unite, Yankeeland, Come on fight, with Dixieland, 'Cause we're proud of our Dixie, Hooray, hooray, We'll fight again this time we'll win, We've lived, we'll die in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie, Stay away, stay away, You don't belong in Dixie

Johnny Rebel - Who Likes A Nigger

L.B.J. was a-flyin' one morn', Over south Louisiana...feeling forlorn, When he looks down below, and what does he see?, Two cajuns pullin' a nigger on ski's!, So he lands, and says, "Thanks for helping your black brother!", And them two cajuns just looked at each other, And said, "He might be smart, but I'll tell you something...", "He don't know a thing about alligator huntin'!", O-wop-bop-bam-bam, Who likes a nigger?, o-wop-bop-bam-bam (CHORUS), Who likes a nigger?, o-wop-bop-bam-bam, Who likes a nigger?, And the hatin', everybody, is a-gettin' much bigger, Rich man travelin' down thru the South, Stopped in Mississippi to get a tooth pulled out, When he paid the doctor the charges due, He said "My nigger chauffer's got a bad tooth, too", "Well, I'll pull it...", said the doc, "but you'd better not holler!, Cause I'll have to charge you $200.00, Cause here in Mississippi he can't open his mouth, We'll have to go thru his bottom, to get the thing out!", Chorus, There ain't much difference 'tween a nigger and a donkey, 'Bout as much between an ape and a monkey, Ones a little bigger, but you gotta agree, There's not very much more that you can see., But a mule earns his livin' by the sweat of his neck, While a nigger sits down and draws a gov't check, The nigger should be smarter, as a general rule, But in a spelling contest, I'd pick the mule!

Re:Obama Policies Will Bankrupt USA Tsarkon Report (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27320011)

tl;dr

No, this is total malarky (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319035)

The ability to sense one's position on this blue marble is not a physical sense possesed by any animal. Now if you were a ring laser gyro and were left sitting in one position for a day or two, perhaps...

But... (5, Insightful)

ATOMISCHE (1249922) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319065)

Calling it GPS implies they are using external signals to locate. The article says the chimps are creating and using internal distance transform maps.

Re:But... (1)

CaptainPatent (1087643) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319187)

No silly, the chimps have simply evolved to use the working GPS satellites in use for navigation. You should always assume that no word in an article covering a scientific paper are simply hype and never assume anything is misrepresented.

*apologizes for sarcastic rant*

Re:But... (4, Funny)

GooberToo (74388) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321519)

The last time the chimp community lost GPS signals they all started crashing into each other and exploding. It was a real tragedy.

Rumour has it Microsoft's Ballmer was repeatedly spotted running into walls and throwing chairs.

Isn't that just... (5, Insightful)

caitsith01 (606117) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319199)

...a fancy way of saying "remembering where stuff is relative to other stuff"?

My cat can do that. If she wants to come upstairs in my house, she'll walk in a straight line to the bottom of the staircase from wherever she is, up the stairs, and in a straight line from there to wherever she wants to be.

I guess she's got "cat GPS" and/or is "using internal distance transform maps"... I never knew she was so talented.

I would think most semi-complex animals have this ability.

Yeah, but what about... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319887)

"... even when swinging through trees, the chimps planned out their route several trees in advance"?

That would be like me going to the store and actually having an efficient route, instead of randomly zig-zagging my way through the streets for hours until I found the stop&go 3 miles from my house.

(Drive a block)... is this it? No
(Drive a block)... is this it? No
(Drive a block)... is this it? Maybe
Which way? Thataway? Okay!
(Drive a block)... is this it? No
(Drive a block)... is this it? Maybe
Which way? Thisaway? Sure!
(Drive a block)... is this it? No
(Drive a block)... is this it? No
What's that??? Store. SCORE!

Re:Isn't that just... (4, Insightful)

NineNine (235196) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319925)

I agree. I have a completely blind cat, and she gets around the house just fine, only running into stuff if I move furniture. It's really impressive to see, as she learns her environment the first time around. This article wasn't news to me.

Re:Isn't that just... (1)

kestasjk (933987) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320955)

I agree. I have a completely blind cat, and she gets around the house just fine, only running into stuff if I move furniture. It's really impressive to see, as she learns her environment the first time around. This article wasn't news to me.

YouTube it: Instant 5 million views.

Re:Isn't that just... (5, Funny)

MichaelSmith (789609) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320029)

  • Wakes up in middle of night. Bloody cats on the bed again
  • Puts cat out through front door
  • One minute passes
  • Cat comes back

The animal had gone to the back of the house, climbed to the upper story and come into the house through a little window high in the shower cubicle of the upstairs bathroom. Then it walked back down the stairs and into our room.

Of course it has a map. What it doesn't know is that I am going to strangle it if it keeps pulling tricks like that.

Re:Isn't that just... (4, Funny)

david.given (6740) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320559)

The animal had gone to the back of the house, climbed to the upper story and come into the house through a little window high in the shower cubicle of the upstairs bathroom. Then it walked back down the stairs and into our room.

No, that's far too much effort. What actually happened was the cat read your mind, realised that you knew a plausible route by which it could get in, and so after being put out it just sat comfortably until you were out of sight and then teleported back onto your bed, knowing that you would never suspect anything.

Cats put the kind of effort into being lazy that the most hardened work ethic afficionado could only dream of.

It's dead reckoning . . . (4, Funny)

PolygamousRanchKid (1290638) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320045)

...a fancy way of saying "remembering where stuff is relative to other stuff"?

Yeah, I was thinking that this is just a bit of "dead reckoning," combined with old salty pirate skills:

"Arrrgh, when yee see the rock, that looks like the skull of a monkey, turn left, take twenty paces, and the treasure is buried below. But beware the curse . . ."

I guess she's got "cat GPS" and/or is "using internal distance transform maps"...

Just to be on the safe side, see if your cat can perform the same trick, while wearing a tinfoil hat. And please get back to us if she can. Maybe those felines are up to something behind our backs.

Re:Isn't that just... (1)

Nocturnal Deviant (974688) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321377)

heh even children can do it!

when i climbed trees as a kid i sure as hell checked a few branches up...of course the only time i didnt i absentmindedly grabbed air and had a bumpy 20 foot fall to the ground(lovingly broken by around a hundred small and large branches...

JPS (4, Funny)

tverbeek (457094) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319857)

They have JPS: Jungle Positioning System

Chimps now outlawed in Egypt (1)

syousef (465911) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321469)

Since GPS is illegal in Egypt, this means that Chimps now are too!

Well, (1)

Jurily (900488) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319099)

duh.

Re:Well, (2, Insightful)

HalWasRight (857007) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319479)

I agree. Why does this type of thing [slashdot.org] surprise anyone? Oh, that's right. Some people think humans are somehow, er, special beings [wikipedia.org] .

THere's no way i'm having a chimp on my dashboard (5, Funny)

Barsteward (969998) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319107)

they sh*t everywhere and you'd have to feed it bananas for directions.

Re:THere's no way i'm having a chimp on my dashboa (2, Funny)

flu1d (664635) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319719)

At least only one of those apply to my tomtom

Re:THere's no way i'm having a chimp on my dashboa (1)

troll8901 (1397145) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319835)

But they'll train me in Monkey Kombat for defeating LeChuck. I'll feed them bananas gladly in exchange for Elaine Marley.

Re:THere's no way i'm having a chimp on my dashboa (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27320147)

chee-eek-oop

Re:THere's no way i'm having a chimp on my dashboa (1)

qpawn (1507885) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320119)

Turn Right.
Merge Left.
Throw Poo.

Purina Chimp Chow (1)

PolygamousRanchKid (1290638) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320199)

they sh*t everywhere and you'd have to feed it bananas for directions.

Well, if you run out of bananas, the chimp might be happy to eat your face and hands as a substitute, as recently happened in Connecticut. Those tomtoms are looking like a better deal all the time.

Re:Purina Chimp Chow (1)

nextekcarl (1402899) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320507)

Are you saying a TomTom won't eat my face? They should include that in the advertisements.

"And now with less Face-eating!"

What does the G in GPS stand for (5, Insightful)

edittard (805475) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319153)

No they don't. Drop them somewhere they've never been before and ask them to go somewhere else they've never been before and they'll either pull funny faces at you or initiate a poo barrage.

Tell me again, what does the G in GPS stand for? It sure doesn't stand for "having a reasonable memory of your surroundings and a rough sense of direction". And neither do the P or the S.

Bullshit summary again. Or maybe bullshit article. Who cares? After a while, you don't bother.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (2, Insightful)

wizardforce (1005805) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319299)

You are taking their analogy far too literally. The chimps (apparently) appear to use at the least a coordinate like system of navigation. The GPS analogy works here as we humans use a coordinate system (via GPS) to navigate on occasion. It probably doesn't work globally for the chimps as their coordinate system would be localized to their territory.

Researchers used GPS; Chimps Mapped (3, Informative)

billstewart (78916) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319333)

Yeah - TFA says the chimps kept mental maps of their surroundings, and it was the researchers that used GPS because it all looked like jungle to them. That's different from migratory birds or insects which apparently use magnetic fields or sunlight angles for navigation.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

limekiller4 (451497) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319519)

editard writes:
"No they don't."

Thank you Captain Literal.

Do you really think anyone meant to imply primates have, in their brains, something commensurate with features found in a Garmin?

"Bullshit summary again. Or maybe bullshit article. Who cares? After a while, you don't bother."

I think we just found your problem...

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

edittard (805475) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320585)

Do you really think anyone meant to imply primates have, in their brains, something commensurate with features found in a Garmin?

Why don't you find someone who understands English and ask them how many ways to interpret "Chimps Have a Built-In GPS" they can think of?

Bear in mind that some animals really do have quite advanced navigational organs that we humans have to emulate with technological substitutes.

Birds had magnetic compasses in their heads way before we had them on ships.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

The_mad_linguist (1019680) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320891)

Humans have small, built-in magnetic compasses. Right behind our noses, in fact. They just aren't functional throughout the whole population.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (0)

limekiller4 (451497) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321139)

edittard writes:
"Why don't you find someone who understands English and ask them how many ways to interpret "Chimps Have a Built-In GPS" they can think of?"

OK. Did that. Here's the conversation verbatim:

Me: Could you read this one paragraph (Slashdot title and summary)?
Coworker: [reads] OK?
Me: After reading that blurb, would you say that the writers are implying that a chimp could be dropped somewhere in Michigan and know how to get to some other point?
Coworker: Uh ...no.
Me: Thanks.

Any other bright ideas?

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (3, Interesting)

NewbieProgrammerMan (558327) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319761)

Maybe it's just that people writing these summaries and/or articles haven't the faintest clue how GPS operates. It's just a magical box on their dashboard that can figure out a route from A to B, so when <other creature/object X> can plan a route from one point to another, it must be similar, right?

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

edittard (805475) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320015)

Could be. And they'd not be alone [slashdot.org]

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (2, Funny)

need4mospd (1146215) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320079)

The G stands for genital. They know where they are by using their genital's relationship to their surroundings.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

nextekcarl (1402899) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320617)

Isn't that how everyone gets around?

*Note: Apparently reading /. and chewing gum is harder (or more dangerous) than walking and chewing gum. I almost choked when I read your comment.

RTFA (1)

Samschnooks (1415697) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320177)

Bullshit summary again. Or maybe bullshit article. Who cares? After a while, you don't bother.

Exactly! That's why those folks who say RTFA are a bunch of fucking pedantic assholes! I don't need to Read The Fucking Article because it is bullshit anyway!

Therefore, I just post with some two bit opinion based on the title - alright, even then, I don't read the title. I basically just post two bit opinions on Slashdot with an attitude that it's actually based on fact. Fuck yeah! Why, I've gotten +5 "Insightful"s by just skimming over the headline, some posts, and some funny shit, and BINGO! +5! Damn, I'm so fucking good at Karma whoring, I'm thinking of starting a school: Make millions by Karma Whoring on Slashdot! Yes you too can stay at home and only work a couple of hours a day and Karma Whore on Slashdot and make $10,000 a week! There's a kink though....the part where you get the Karma and actually get money....but that's OK! I'll just put in the mice type at the bottom of the screen "Results may vary." or "Nontypical outcome." or "Spurious money making scheme.". Anyway, off to work.

Ya know, I thought of deleting this post, but it's so fucking outrageous and I think it's really funny and satirical that I can't do it. Fuck it! I'll take whatever Karma that comes. Creativity can be a bitch.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (4, Interesting)

nine-times (778537) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320215)

It's not just what GPS stands for, either. Not every positioning system that works globally is GPS. Yeah, I'm being pedantic, but "GPS" really is supposed to indicate the particular system, not just any system.

So saying chimps have built-in GPS because they can navigate is a little like saying they have built-in Canon Powershot cameras because they can see.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (2, Informative)

Chris Mattern (191822) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320763)

Bullshit summary again. Or maybe bullshit article. Who cares? After a while, you don't bother.

Bullshit summary. Article just said that researchers used GPS to keep track of where they were while following the chimps around. I'm going to have to see if I can just filter out kdawson's articles.

Re:What does the G in GPS stand for (1)

Livius (318358) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321067)

All this time chimpanzees had already managed to launch at telecommunications satellite into geosynchronous orbit *and* perfect bio-engineered radar receivers and atomic clocks, and provide the serivce cost-free to their entire population. All those scientists re-inventing GPS must sure feel dumb.

Chimp Satellites (2, Funny)

prh6576 (1450569) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319155)

I must have missed all the Chimp satellite launches, when did they happen?

Re:Chimp Satellites (1)

aicrules (819392) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319641)

Poo throwing was an early test of their launch vehicle.

Re:Chimp used Dolphins' Satellites (1)

billstewart (78916) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319645)

The chimps didn't launch their own satellites - they got the dolphins and orcas to do it while they were still on the planet.

Re:Chimp used Dolphins' Satellites (1)

cashman73 (855518) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319905)

You mean, before the dolphins left [youtube.com] ?

Re:Chimp Satellites (1)

caitsith01 (606117) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319837)

This [spacechimpspower.com] documentary should bring you up to speed.

Re:Chimp Satellites (1)

Clandestine_Blaze (1019274) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319871)

Last year. [imdb.com]

This is why they will become our overlords. (1)

bagboy (630125) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319161)

Haven't you seen "Planet of the Apes"?

GPS? Really???? (1)

NickyGotz22 (1427691) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319179)

Does having a sense of direction and knowing the surroundings you have spent your entire life in really qualify as having GPS? or is this just an attempt to make a natural ability in an animal something more than it really is. I know i can easily plan and navigate a route to the bathroom in the dark while drunk off my ass. Nothing special there.

Re:GPS? Really???? (1)

Red Flayer (890720) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319445)

I know i can easily plan and navigate a route to the bathroom in the dark while drunk off my ass. Nothing special there.

Congratulations. You have provided sufficient evidence to demonstrate you may be smarter than a chimp.

Which has nothing to do with the subject of TFA (regardless of misuse of terms in TFA in order to get attention, which is a separate matter -- and is so common that it really shouldn't be cause for anything more than a quick roll of the eyes).

Re:GPS? Really???? (1)

aicrules (819392) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319725)

I doubt he could negotiate swinging frmo trees in the dark while drunk off his ass to get to the bathroom though.

So does Commander Taco... (2, Funny)

GPLDAN (732269) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319193)

Few people know this, but he actually knows what the next three days of Slashdot articles are going to be. Even breaking news articles, he's already taken it into account and written it up ahead of time. He knows what you are going to submit before you do.

People have this too. (1)

BikeHelmet (1437881) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319237)

People have this too - although it has to be trained. Most of our extra senses are so underused, that we need to kickstart them somehow, before we become consciously aware of them.

http://hackaday.com/2009/02/05/haptic-compass/ [hackaday.com]

After using his vibrating belt for a while, he knew exactly where he was and what direction he was going, even with it taken off.

Brains are amazing. If you provide them with more info, they figure out how to use it.

Devolution (3, Funny)

Goalie_Ca (584234) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319239)

So can someone please explain to me our cousin species can manage to navigate such dense forest with such high precision while many of my highly-intelligent ex girlfriends managed to get lost so easily on short walks.

Re:Devolution (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319829)

> highly-intelligent ex girlfriends

There's a lot of comedic material in a comment like this.

Re:Devolution (1)

troll8901 (1397145) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319935)

Obviously they were trying to escape. Did you abduct them in the first place?

Re:Devolution (2, Informative)

NewbieProgrammerMan (558327) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319993)

It probably has something to do with our chimp cousins living in an environment that requires more day-to-day use of navigation. Survival might require remembering that there are predators or chimps you don't get along with in area A, or knowing that you better be careful in area B because you've fallen several times after grabbing rotten or slippery branches/vines there.

Your ex-girlfriends probably didn't have any reason to attach negative survival consequence to getting lost on a short walk, so not much energy was allocated to developing excellent navigation skills. That's just my wild guess, though.

[insert joke here about girlfriends gaining positive reproductive consequences by "getting lost" while taking a short walk to visit their Slashdotter boyfriend]

Re:Devolution (1)

rb2297 (56465) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320541)

You are posting on slashdot, therefore we all know you do not have any ex girlfriends.

Little Red (Assed) Riding Hood (1)

Sponge Bath (413667) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319249)

chimpanzees have a built-in mental GPS

"All the better to eat your face and hands off with my dear!"

Yes, chimps are dirty, vicious, murdering animals who will eat your face and hands.
Now with GPS!

Re:Little Red (Assed) Riding Hood (1)

jameskojiro (705701) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319407)

Kinda makes Bears look bad as godless killing machines.

Good drivers, maybe...no GPS (1)

thered2001 (1257950) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319321)

Maybe their brains could form a good basis for organic computer autopilots. But last I heard, they had no satellite antennas built in.

Re:Good drivers, maybe...no GPS (1)

ve3id (601924) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319657)

Will this replace the duck/cat method of instrument flying then? You know, if you lose your horizon you throw the cat in the air, it will always have its feet pointing down, and if you lose your compass you throw the duck out of the window, it will fly South in the winter and North in the summer

Only the Male Ones... (1)

BlueBoxSW.com (745855) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319341)

(Sorry, had to be said)

FAT32 (1)

Frankie70 (803801) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319539)

If these chimps are using the FAT32 file system, I would like to know.
    - Steve Ballmer.

Does this mean (2, Interesting)

SnarfQuest (469614) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319571)

With this built-in GPS, would chimp-mounted lasers be more accurate than shark-mounted ones?

Re:Does this mean (2, Funny)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320801)

With this built-in GPS, would chimp-mounted lasers be more accurate than shark-mounted ones?

Yes, but the chimps tend to drown when you throw them in the water. Something about their density and not having gills.

I already knew this (3, Funny)

ve3id (601924) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319585)

I already knew this. Why do we spend such money on research? Think about it, have you ever had a chimp ask you for directions?

Typical (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319613)

This is typical kdawson editing failure.

hmm? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319745)

So chimps are smarter than niggers. I thought everyone knew that.

This just in.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27319825)

Microsoft suing every chimp in the world. More at eleven.

If they have built-in GPS... (1)

Monkey_Genius (669908) | more than 5 years ago | (#27319965)

to navigate their jungle habitat, are the waypoints bananas?

All navigation systems are now GPS? (1)

not-my-real-name (193518) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320619)

Doesn't any one remember INS (inertial navigation system), LORAN (LOng RAnge Navagation), Dead Reckoning, Celestial Navigation, Pilotage, ADF (Automatic Direction Finding), VOR (VHF Omnidirectional Range), or any of a number that I've forgotten?

Straight lines (1)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 5 years ago | (#27320675)

Maybe they happen to like traveling in straight lines, and researchers are assuming that "point B" was the intended destination.

Re:Straight lines (1)

inputdev (1252080) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321041)

mod parent up. Why make these weird assumptions and call it a discovery?

ACRONYMS MOTHERFUCKER (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27320727)

"built-in GPS"

Well I guess they were right fucked until humans came along and put the GPS satellites in orbit.

It's not global, it doesn't use satellites, and it's a positioning system that humans also use.

Added to the growing list of "studies with fucking obvious conclusions"

what do you mean? (1)

kloot (1136731) | more than 5 years ago | (#27321309)

of course they have a built in gps. i put it there.

Must be chimps from Suburban Auto Group (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27321417)

You mean TrunkMonkey has a navigation option now? Sweet!

http://www.trunkmonkeyad.com/ [trunkmonkeyad.com]

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