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243 comments

How about the followup? (3, Funny)

Fittysix (191672) | about 5 years ago | (#27420073)

?tac gniretsam

Re:How about the followup? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420133)

I'd prefer the follow up "Mastering Pussy"

Re:How about the followup? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420213)

"A cat is fine too"

Re:How about the followup? (4, Funny)

lord_rob the only on (859100) | about 5 years ago | (#27420577)

rob@thinkpad:~$ pussy
bash: pussy: command not found

rob@thinkpad:~$ man pussy
No manual entry for pussy

Pussy doesn't even exist ...

Re:How about the followup? (4, Funny)

h4rm0ny (722443) | about 5 years ago | (#27420749)

Pussy doesn't even exist ...

That's strange. When I try:

h4rm0ny@mybox~$ grep -r pussy *

I get lots and lots of results.

Re:How about the followup? (4, Funny)

oldspewey (1303305) | about 5 years ago | (#27421005)

No manual entry for pussy

I think I see the problem here - try starting her off with 3 or 4 vodka appletinis.

Re:How about the followup? (2, Funny)

cayenne8 (626475) | about 5 years ago | (#27420797)

Too bad there isn't a Unix command "Bater".....I'm sure that would be his next book.

:)

I think it would tend to be more of a self help book than a technical tome though...

Frist Psot? (0, Offtopic)

orclevegam (940336) | about 5 years ago | (#27420075)

Maybe? There really should be an achievement for this.

Re:Frist Psot? (3, Funny)

snowraver1 (1052510) | about 5 years ago | (#27420153)

There is, but it only works if you are logged in as AC and if you post either a goatse pic, a long post about Obama's shit, or an instruction manual for someone of african decent.

Re:Frist Psot? (1)

CannonballHead (842625) | about 5 years ago | (#27420385)

What is this "African Decent" you speak of? :)

Re:Frist Psot? (5, Funny)

cayenne8 (626475) | about 5 years ago | (#27420893)

"What is this "African Decent" you speak of? :)"

Well, it is like regular Descent [wikipedia.org], except rather than flying through caves, you are flying through a dry, arid desert area. And rather than lasers and smart bombs, you get a spear. If lucky, you get a power up weapon of a coke bottle that comes to you from the gods in the sky.

Re:Frist Psot? (1)

Colonel Korn (1258968) | about 5 years ago | (#27421071)

Maybe? There really should be an achievement for this.

There should be an automatic ban for anyone who posts "First" or "First Post" or any variation thereof.

I tried mastering cat. (5, Funny)

SuperBry (1242668) | about 5 years ago | (#27420097)

But I kept on getting scratched...

Neuter to decrease aggression (5, Funny)

wonmon (1214678) | about 5 years ago | (#27420327)

rm -r testes

Re:Neuter to decrease aggression (5, Funny)

kg9ov (611270) | about 5 years ago | (#27420645)

The cat probably won't be as open to that as you may think... I would suggest using the -f option as well, just to be sure.

Re:Neuter to decrease aggression (4, Funny)

upside (574799) | about 5 years ago | (#27421087)

How do you remove testes recursively? Are cat testes like Russian dolls? If so, is this somehow related to them having nine lives? Perhaps it makes sense. To kill a cat with any certainty you'd have to do something like

kill -9 $(ps axe | cut -d" " -f1 | tail -1 | head | cat)

which - as we know - is an arcane Unixish incantation to kill the cat by putting it in a bag and cutting somewhere between the tail and head with an axe nine times.

Or maybe you meant rm -f

P.S. I take no responsibility if you're stupid enough to run that command. Anything or nothing could happen.

god (-1, Offtopic)

fyonn (115426) | about 5 years ago | (#27420099)

isn't this day over yet?!

Re:god (4, Insightful)

bigstrat2003 (1058574) | about 5 years ago | (#27420693)

Protip: IGNORE IT.

Seriously, if you hate all these stories so much, leave /. for the day. It won't kill you. You know they're going to be here all day, so come back tomorrow. You'll be happier because you won't be reading the stories, and we'll be happier because you won't be bitching about our fun.

Re:god (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420889)

isn't this day over yet?!

No, and this place won't return to what ever sliver of sanity sanity it normally has until it is the 2nd of April everywhere on the planet.

The Story About Ping (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420111)

I'll put it right next to "The Story About Ping" http://www.amazon.com/Story-About-Ping-Marjorie-Flack/dp/0140502416

I am not reading any more Slashdot until (1, Insightful)

GlobalColding (1239712) | about 5 years ago | (#27420127)

April 1st is over. Even under normal circumstances it is hard to judge seriousness of typical Slashdot posts, but today, I simply refuse to participate in filtering out April Fools detritus from the usual. I am going to get on my Amiga 2000 and play Giana Sisters. That is all.

Re:I am not reading any more Slashdot until (1, Funny)

Em Emalb (452530) | about 5 years ago | (#27420251)

Dear Sir or Madame, (if you are a madame, please respond with little black book, kthxbai)

Your frustration with the article posting selection with regards to the date of April 1st, 2009 has been noted.

Please understand that the most amusing thing to the majority of us is people who come to a site VOLUNTARILY on today's date knowing full well that the site will be filled with goofy articles and comments, some amusing, most not. However, your apparent frustration has been duly noted and will be filed with the appropriate authorities. Please be patient, as it can take up to several leap years for your complaint to be handled.

Have a pleasant day, and for God's sake, upgrade to a current gaming console, this isn't 1986.

Yours,

Cletedius P Moran
HMFIC
Slashdot Complaints Department
1st Marine Forces Expeditionary Unit
Baghdad, Iraq
888-867-5309

Giana Sisters (1)

Tetsujin (103070) | about 5 years ago | (#27420289)

I am going to get on my Amiga 2000 and play Giana Sisters. That is all.

Giana Sisters... nice...

You know, though, I've listened to a lot of SID music and recently decided to check out some Amiga Music [paula8364.com] for the first time... I found the Amiga version of the Giana Sisters tune surprisingly dull compared to the C64 version. What is up with that?

Re:Giana Sisters (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420887)

I am going to get on my Amiga 2000 and play Giana Sisters. That is all.

Giana Sisters... nice...

You know, though, I've listened to a lot of SID music and recently decided to check out some Amiga Music [paula8364.com] for the first time... I found the Amiga version of the Giana Sisters tune surprisingly dull compared to the C64 version. What is up with that?

most chiptunes don't work as well when converted to a fuller sound. They were composed with their hardware in mind.

Re:I am not reading any more Slashdot until (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420701)

So, are you really going to play Giana Sisters or is this another April Fool's joke?

Forget Cat, SQUEEZ BACON!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420209)

Much more interesting is this new product from thinkgeek, known as squeez bacon.

Squeez-Bacon [thinkgeek.com]

It's the worlds most perfect food.

How hard is it to get CAT to work with HURD? (5, Funny)

TinBromide (921574) | about 5 years ago | (#27420233)

I've been trying to get my cat to play nice with gnu Hurd for a while. It seems like it starts to work, but then starts to ignore all IO and proceeds to SLEEP(3600). I am eagerly awaiting someone who can get a cat Hurd to work.

Re:How hard is it to get CAT to work with HURD? (0)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | about 5 years ago | (#27420585)

When building cat, you have to enable support for tunefs. Try passing the --with-tunefs to configure during the build process on Hurd.

finally (1)

Lord Ender (156273) | about 5 years ago | (#27420243)

An april 1 tech story that actually made me laugh a little. Nice.

I'm going to print that cover so I can put it over an old book on my bookshelf.

This isn't even a good joke (0, Troll)

notarockstar1979 (1521239) | about 5 years ago | (#27420247)

Unlike a lot of people around here I have really enjoyed today's April Fool's jokes. However, this is just lazy.

Re:This isn't even a good joke (1)

Smivs (1197859) | about 5 years ago | (#27420995)

It's better than mine [smivsonline.co.uk], which is truly lame, and plugging it here is the only way I'll get any hits!

I just /usr/bin/cat my coffee everywhere. (2, Informative)

Mr. Flibble (12943) | about 5 years ago | (#27420257)

I guess I forgot what day it was, but the title article made me spew my coffee in laughter.

As an aside, remember kids, don't do this:

cat foo | grep bar

It is bad Unix! (If you don't know why, read the non-existent book on cat...) ;)

Re:I just /usr/bin/cat my coffee everywhere. (5, Informative)

steveha (103154) | about 5 years ago | (#27421247)

As an aside, remember kids, don't do this:

cat foo | grep bar

It is bad Unix!

Eh, it's not that big a deal.

Yes, you can simply say "grep bar foo" and it will have the same effect with less typing. But it's really not that big a deal, and there are times when I would do this. Usually it is because I'm doing something like this:

shell_script foo | grep bar

And I'm not getting the results I expect; then I might swap out the shell script part for cat, to help me debug. It's easier to type

cat !*

or even

^shell_script^cat

than to retype the whole command.

As long as you know what you are doing, build the command line any way you like. The computer exists to serve you, not the other way around...

Now someone will mod me (-1, No Sense of Humor) or (-1, Beating the Joke Into the Ground). But I regret nothing! Nothing, I tell you.

steveha

In the news today, a group of IT professionals ... (3, Funny)

Phizzle (1109923) | about 5 years ago | (#27420271)

were found dead. Apparently they were playing a drinking game, and doing a shot for every lolcats reference on Slashdot.

Stop it with the bitching already! (0)

Cerberus7 (66071) | about 5 years ago | (#27420299)

Oh, for cryin' out loud, can't we have a simple day of gags without all this whining and bitching? Even people tagging stories are having a fit.

It's April Fool's Day. Slashdot has a long tradition of doing stupid crap on this day. Either enjoy it for what it is, or turn off the Intertubes and go do something else until tomorrow. Just stop f-ing bitching and moaning about it like it's seriously messing up your day.

Re:Stop it with the bitching already! (1)

s_mencer (239965) | about 5 years ago | (#27420549)

All the people bitching about the April 1st content should:

cat > senseOfHumor [enter key]
I didn't use '>>' because I wasn't worried about overwriting an existing file. [enter key]

Still Waiting (5, Funny)

Kushieda Minorin (1453751) | about 5 years ago | (#27420393)

I'm still waiting for "Mastering true" and "Mastering false". The delay is understandable, considering nobody is able to harness the true power of these two commands.

I use... (1)

Skiron (735617) | about 5 years ago | (#27420413)

...Schroeder's cat. If it works, you don't know it, but if it doesn't you have to try again until you get it to work (if you can tell that it worked anyway). Then the pipe comes out to stop my mind frying.

Re:I use... (5, Funny)

Tetsujin (103070) | about 5 years ago | (#27420641)

...Schroeder's cat. If it works, you don't know it, but if it doesn't you have to try again until you get it to work (if you can tell that it worked anyway). Then the pipe comes out to stop my mind frying.

That's "Schrodinger's cat". Your license to make quantum mechanics jokes is hereby revoked. To make sure you don't try to take your license back, we're going to keep you updated on its current velocity.

Re:I use... (1)

Mattintosh (758112) | about 5 years ago | (#27420747)

Watch out, he might start using a Heisenberg [wikipedia.org] Compensator [wikipedia.org]. Then you're screwed.

Of course, if he uses one, he'll have to build it first, and if he can build one, he'll have earned the card back anyway.

Well done (1)

bulletman (254401) | about 5 years ago | (#27420431)

Funny writing. It was obviously a joke, but the concept was so funny that knowing this going in didn't change anything.

Rings too true (1)

mewsenews (251487) | about 5 years ago | (#27420477)

It's obviously an April Fool's prank, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was an entire book dedicated to the more obscure uses of cat and differences between GNU cat and others.

My logic for this is reading about netcat, being completely bewildered, and being even more completely bewildered when the description of sample command lines read that it "works just like cat!"

I'm more intersted in tail than cat. (4, Funny)

Maxo-Texas (864189) | about 5 years ago | (#27420531)

If they released a book on how to master tail (heck, even find tail), it would change slashdot forever.

Re:I'm more intersted in tail than cat. (1)

A Commentor (459578) | about 5 years ago | (#27420989)

Did you even look:

$ which tail

/usr/bin/tail

And for info...

$ man tail

TAIL(1) BSD General Commands Manual TAIL(1)

NAME

tail -- display the last part of a file

Here goes: (4, Funny)

IceCreamGuy (904648) | about 5 years ago | (#27420605)

~# date
Wed Apr 1 13:31:50 EDT 2009
~# links2 -dump http://slashdot.org/ [slashdot.org] >> humortest.txt
~# cat humortest.txt | grep $somethingfunny
~#

Re:Here goes: (2, Interesting)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | about 5 years ago | (#27420921)

You should really have RTFA. That's a UUOC. You just completely wasted a process call and unnecessarily wrote to a file:

links2 -dump http://slashdot.org/ [slashdot.org] | grep $somethingfunny

Of course, if we look at your use of an appending redirection (>>) (assuming humortest.txt already exists and has useful data), then you still unnecessarily wrote to a file:

links2 -dump http://slashdot.org/ [slashdot.org] | cat humortest.txt - | grep $somethingfunny

Re:Here goes: (2, Funny)

IceCreamGuy (904648) | about 5 years ago | (#27421129)

I know, I wrote that all out, and then I was like "wait, shit, I can just grep it right from the links2 output." So I wrote it on one line... but then I realized I wasn't using cat anymore and it ruined the joke. Please don't judge me!

P.S. thanks for introducing me to the phrase "UUOC," now I have something funny to read!

Geeks shouldn't do marketing (0, Troll)

chill (34294) | about 5 years ago | (#27420609)

Had they titled this book "Mastering Pussy (cat)" they would've probably made the NY Times Best Seller list.

Don't joke about that. (1)

GoNINzo (32266) | about 5 years ago | (#27420677)

You can joke about mastering cat. hah hah. funny. sure.

But don't mess with echo, though. When everything else breaks on your unix OS, and you only have builtins alone, you just need echo and some pipes to get it back on it's feet.

This really isn't that unrealistic (1)

FreakerSFX (256894) | about 5 years ago | (#27420685)

Many discussions between real nerds about seemingly trivial OS topics have gone on for far more than book-length of obscure, historical and political commentary. I sort of find it humbling how much history there is for a lot of the components of UNIX.

I am inclined to stay out of these conversations. I never advertise my point of view because I can't be bothered to try and convert the evangelists to my point of view. I won't convince them, they won't convince me; we'd just end up annoying co-workers and further marginalizing ourselves socially at work.

dog link is broken (1)

Olaf Underbridge (717091) | about 5 years ago | (#27420697)

<http://jl.photodex.com/dog/>, the link given for the
dog program, is broken, and the first Google hit
seeking a replacement is unresponsive (probably /.ted).

However, <http://manpagehelp.net/manpage/linux/man1/dog.html>
gives a good overview.

Debian/Ubuntu: sudo apt-get install dog
Gentoo:        sudo emerge sys-apps/dog

Upcoming second edition in 2012 (4, Funny)

Tetsujin (103070) | about 5 years ago | (#27420731)

The second edition of "Mastering Cat" will include in-depth coverage of the use of "cat" in the new generation of object-oriented Unix shells. Key topics will include:

  • "cat" type safety
  • Using "cat" in traditional mode vs. object-oriented
  • "cat" pitfalls: attempting to run "cat" on non-serializable live objects, "cat" on lists vs. "cat" on text files, using "cat" to capture user input (and dealing with the untyped data stream that results...)

You think I'm joking? Watch me. Hopefully what I come up with won't be quite the nightmare I'm trying to describe above. :D

cat? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420751)

I'm still trying to get the hang of cd!

Must be rubbish, no mention of tac... (1)

weeble (50918) | about 5 years ago | (#27420795)

Any book about cat must include tac. I cannot believe the interview didn't mention it once.

Very disappointed, tac is at least as complicated as cat.

Cat tin cans (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420801)

Cat cannot open tin cans.

In case you were wondering what the book's like... (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420903)

here's a what a simple cat implementation looks like (The book leeaves additional features as an exercise to the reader):

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAZ A VAR
MAEK ARGV[1] A TROOF, O RLY?
  YA RLY, VAR R ARGV[1]
  NO WAI, VAR R "STDIN"
OIC
PLZ OPEN FILE VAR?
  AWSUM THX
      IM IN YR FILE EATING UR LINES
    VISIBLE LINES
      IM OUTTA UR FILE
  KTHX
  O NOES
      INVISIBLE "ERROR!"
KTHXBYE

Giana Sisters RULES! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27420979)

Best SID sound ever. Someone give him an UNDERRATED mod up pls!

But seriously (2, Informative)

Sloppy (14984) | about 5 years ago | (#27420985)

For example, one case where I found that people truly underestimate the power of cat is in the prefixing a line example. You can do that with:
echo "This would be the first line" | cat - myfile.txt > myfile.txt.new mv -f myfile.txt.new myfile.txt
But people do not realize that and instead opted to use sed, awk, or even perl (!).

I've done that.

The beginning of a new serie (1)

gmuslera (3436) | about 5 years ago | (#27421183)

This book will become part of a new O'Reilly serie. The other books will be

touch cookbook
Running grep
Practical uniq Management
Advanced fsck for system administrators
|: The missing manual
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