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Blizzard Shows Off Diablo III Archivist Class, WoW Dance-Off

Soulskill posted more than 5 years ago | from the bursting-with-info dept.

Games 119

It's been a busy day for the folks at Blizzard, who have released major announcements for several different games. The next Diablo III class has arrived: the Archivist. Despite their frail appearance and hunched, labored movement, they are quite deft at launching Quest Bolts at nearby foes, or conjuring a whirling Lore-nado of spinning books. Loud monsters can be silenced with a devastating Shush attack. Blizzard also put Starcraft II's latest unit on display, the Terra-Tron, which is a giant, robot uber-weapon assembled from the buildings in your base. Finally, for World of Warcraft they announced two features that have been requested by players for years: a battle of dances, where you can show off your avatar's hippest moves, and the ability to 'p1mp' your mounts. (Not sure exactly what that means, since I don't speak elvish, but there's a Nightsaber with a cannon — holy crap!)

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"Pimp your mounts" (5, Funny)

Niris (1443675) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425107)

I get a completely different image from "pimping a mount" than putting a cannon on a horse .

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (4, Funny)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425161)

Yeah I would think it would rather involve putting the cannon in the horse.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425573)

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

Chlorine Trifluoride (1517149) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426121)

I accept your thanks, rather than rejecting them.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27426183)

who died and made you captain obvious?

whats that? o, apparently Christopher Burke died.

and it's in his will? damnit!

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 5 years ago | (#27429649)

That's Admiral Obvious to you. I was promoted when I observed that water was still wet and shit still stunk.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (2, Insightful)

soren202 (1477905) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425385)

Yeah, it was more like putting a cannon IN a horse.

Except without the "se".

Anyway, although the videos are rather impressive, Blizzard needs to put some more work in to the believability of their April Fools jokes.

For instance, a joke about how they're abandoning SC II because of bloating development costs and numerous unforeseen delays, or that Diablo III will cost $80 instead of the normal price due to the extended re-playability worked into the game would be gold.

This, however, will only get amusing responses from only the dimmest of readers, especially with that first announcement. It kind of ruins the point of April Fools day if everyone gets the joke right away. For it to be amusing, there has to be at least some potential change in emotion for readers once you reveal that it's a joke.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

wilgibson (933961) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426159)

Blizzard needs to put some more work in to the believability of their April Fools jokes.

Or they could just do the same old, same old since Blizzard keeps an all in good fun attitude about April Fools rather than doing something that could potentially annoy their tremendously whiny fan base.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

soren202 (1477905) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426499)

Well, it's fun for the rest of us.

Besides, do you honestly think that anyone in Blizzard's fanbase is NOT going to buy whatever they put out? Seriously, I'm pretty sure that, had Diablo 3 been released the day after the controversial pics were released, it still would have sold faster than the Bible in Alabama after a terrorist attack and the introduction of a gay marriage bill in congress.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

Schemat1c (464768) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427299)

Seriously, I'm pretty sure that, had Diablo 3 been released the day after the controversial pics were released, it still would have sold faster than the Bible in Alabama after a terrorist attack and the introduction of a gay marriage bill in congress.

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Re:"Pimp your mounts" (1)

Dachannien (617929) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426251)

Are you sure you're not thinking of "mounting your pimps"?

Better to 'p1mp' your mount (5, Funny)

Evardsson (959228) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425113)

... than to mount your pimp. Unless you are into that sort of thing.

Explains a lot (4, Funny)

Phu5ion (838043) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425155)

No wonder Blizzard games take so long to ship. Get back to work you hippies!

Re:Explains a lot (1)

MooseMuffin (799896) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425183)

Some of that stuff looks like it took a legitimate amount of work. I'm sure this delayed starcraft and diablo by a year each.

Re:Explains a lot (1)

Phu5ion (838043) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425195)

Oh, I agree, and it is quite funny. I would rather be playing the Diablo III though.

Re:Explains a lot (5, Insightful)

Enderandrew (866215) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425537)

Doesn't Diablo III play itself? Diablo I and Diablo II are technically the best selling computer RPGs of all time, though I use that term loosely. You just click, hope for random loot drops, and click some more. And now Diablo III, you don't drink potions because that is too complicated. So you just click, while mana and life basically auto-replenish. Clearly this was a game that needed to be even simpler.

Re:Explains a lot (1)

WaXHeLL (452463) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425607)

But then, Blizzard's super secret backdoor contract with the mouse industry might be broken. /me has broken countless mice playing D1/D2.

Re:Explains a lot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27428023)

that's the whole point of enjoyment... we don't want second job. I want to come home and have some fun... without having to think at all.

Re:Explains a lot (1)

andi75 (84413) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428881)

If you don't want to think for yourself, check out this cool new entertainment device [wikipedia.org] .

Re:Explains a lot (1)

Late Adopter (1492849) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428633)

It could still be simpler. Gauntlet: Legends was, and it was well received.

Sometimes you just want to button mash and explore.

Re:Explains a lot (4, Insightful)

Swizec (978239) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425223)

Some of it sure looks like it took a legitimate amount of work, but why the fuck can't they spend the 20 minutes to make scrollwheels work with the dropdown selects on their website?

Seriously, I thought this was supposed to be a decent bunch of programmers.

Re:Explains a lot (5, Insightful)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425709)

DO you think they give the real programming to web 'developers'?

Re:Explains a lot (1)

hesaigo999ca (786966) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428769)

Those that couldn't program in school ended up creating websites....maybe has something to do with this!

Re:Explains a lot (1)

rpillala (583965) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425629)

I hope there's some way to access these things to mess with once the games ship, like the Tauren Marine from last year's april 1.

An interesting class indeed (4, Funny)

Ron_Fitzgerald (1101005) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425163)

The Archivist seems to be a slow but powerful character. From the video his spells are devastating to the individual character but he himself is weak. It looks as though he may be able to use different canes to perhaps make him faster, unsure.
I also took note of the new HUD and how delicious it looks. Look at the Mana graphic!

Re:An interesting class indeed (1)

teko_teko (653164) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425481)

Temp fix: putting flame decals on his cane to make him appear faster.

Re:An interesting class indeed (1)

rts008 (812749) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425841)

Or he could 'kick in the afterburner' by lighting his farts?

Re:An interesting class indeed (1)

rootofevil (188401) | more than 5 years ago | (#27429821)

or a red S sticker

Re:An interesting class indeed (4, Funny)

Eberlin (570874) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425559)

Working at a library's local history room, I always fancied myself a necromancer because we symbolically re-animate the dead. I think, though, that this archivist class would be so much more awesome! Yes, no blood golem, bone spear, iron maiden, decrepify, bone spirit, and a cool shrunken head, but c'mon, you get Lore-nado and Shush!!! I can't wait to ask each monster their birthdate, line them up in descending order by age, then proceed to systematically lore-nado each one, writing down the exact time and location of each kill to be filed later in the Zakarum archives. Mmmmm, paperwork!

Re:An interesting class indeed (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425865)

Red ones go fastah!

I thought "Shush" was a trademark (2, Funny)

crazybit (918023) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425165)

owned by Cesar Millan.

He is a very powerful magician too.

Say it with me now... (0, Flamebait)

Jamamala (983884) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425193)

aprilfoolsispants

Re:Say it with me now... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425261)

OK, I have to know, since when did pants become a bad thing? That's what separates us from the animals, you know. Pants, and hats.

Re:Say it with me now... (4, Informative)

LingNoi (1066278) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426173)

It's simply different language between US and UK. In UK "pants" is like a very polite way of saying crap. Also since i'm posting this it is mobile phone, not cell phone. *shakes angry fist"

WTF (2, Insightful)

XPeter (1429763) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425199)

All this hype around D3 is getting on my nerves. If D3 comes out before SC2 I'm boycotting Blizzard games I understand SC2 has to be sports worthy but still...10+ years?

Re:WTF (4, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425409)

I will boycott Blizzard's as well..all the way up until the release SCII. mine gimme gimme.

Re:WTF (4, Funny)

LingNoi (1066278) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426191)

Yeah, 10 years is a long time. I wish they where like EA which bring out a new Madden each year. EA are truly the masters of innovative games.

Re:WTF (1)

mgblst (80109) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427267)

Wow, if only there was some length of time in between. No, that would be ridiculous!

Re:WTF (1)

xenolion (1371363) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428747)

Madden games don't change that much from year to year just the rosters change they change the workings every 2-3 years now how hard is that?

Re:WTF (1)

bigstrat2003 (1058574) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426211)

Oh noes! People are excited about the upcoming release of a sequel to a major Blizzard game!

I could bitch about the SC2 hype, and it would be just as valid as what you said.

Re:WTF (1)

Pheonix28 (1362095) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426329)

if you didn't wait 10+ years, you wouldn't want the game... right? Just like fallout3

April Fools (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425205)

make the bad man stop.

GMT? (1)

ascari (1400977) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425207)

I'm sooooo ready for April 1 to be over. Midnight in which timezone counts as the terminator for this boring ass day on slashot????????????????

Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (-1, Troll)

Reality Master 201 (578873) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425235)

Dear fucking god, you dumb sacks of shit. You're just not fucking funny. Stop it. One -maybe two - April Fool's stories are ok, assuming they're funny. You guys have the problem of 1) way fucking overdoing it and, 2) being the least funny people (so it appears) on the face of the earth. Seriously, in comparison to you, Hitler and Stalin were goddamn laugh riots.

Get cancer, you fucking shitbags.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (2, Funny)

Niris (1443675) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425281)

Prozac.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0, Flamebait)

Reality Master 201 (578873) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425353)

What about it?

Let me guess, you're just picking a psychoactive drug out of your ass without any understanding of what it does or the side effects. Here's a hint: it typically wouldn't help with ranting lunatics.

Cancer for you and your family, now - hopefully one that's both quick AND painful.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0, Troll)

Niris (1443675) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425525)

Actually Prozac is prescribed for people who need to calm the fuck down, mr. "Oh look at me, I'm a badass on the Internet, lulerskate"

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0, Troll)

Reality Master 201 (578873) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425647)

No it's not; it's indicated for people with depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and panic disorder. If it's prescribed for people who "need to calm the fuck down", it's an off-label use by a doctor who doesn't know shit about what he's prescribing.

And I'm not a badass on the internet; I'm a badass everywhere in life - I'd just as soon wish cancer on you and your family in person as over the intertubes.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (1)

fm6 (162816) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425677)

"Badass" is one word for your shoot-from-the-lip behavior. Others more accurately describe your lack of conscious thought.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0, Troll)

Reality Master 201 (578873) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425859)

Yes, my young man, you've totally won this battle with a random internet jackass. My lack of conscious thought is deep and unparalleled, and you good sir, are naught but a font of unadulterated wisdom from which mankind would do well to drink in deep draughts, for in you solely may his insatiable thirst for some meaning above the quotidian be slaked.

Please congratulate yourself, my good man, on a hard won victory; please, take several hours - days, even - to feel buoyed by your indubitable superiority, your wit, your charm, your education. The sheer lightness and wonder of your facticity must be unbearable.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (1)

fm6 (162816) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426031)

You need to work on your sarcasm. It lacks conviction.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27426569)

Maybe if he took some Prozac, he'd be a bit less panicy and calm down some. Of course, he'd probably quit obsessing over April Fool stories, so we wouldn't get to see the results.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (1)

soren202 (1477905) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425345)

Ummmm.... Hitler IS a goddamn laugh riot.

The Internet was pretty much built off of Hitler jokes.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (0, Redundant)

eball (1315601) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425351)

I'm gonna hafta half-agree here. Maybe not with the whole "complete insanity" part, but for god's sake... this shit is REALLY annoying at this point. It's April 2nd somewhere; let's just call it a day on the stupid April Fools BS.

Re:Oh holy fuck, how amusing and ticksy (2, Funny)

Samschnooks (1415697) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425395)

Your wish is my command:It's 02-April-09 Tokyo [timeanddate.com]

Now, don't you wish you wished for a big titted blond bikini model, a private jet, and a hundred million dollars?

Too late! Bwahahahahahahahah!

No shit!!! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425463)

A little bit, funny
On and fucking on, not funny ... irritating.

And from the Blizzard site, you know it took people at least 1 week to do the art and video for this "joke".

Can't wait for D3 (1)

afidel (530433) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425269)

I was definitely getting a Diablo 1 Sorcerer vibe with the Quest bolt sounding and moving almost exactly like the D1 fire bolt spell. It'll have more action and better graphics but it certainly appears to fit with the Diablo style, much more so then the first gameplay vids. Perhaps they took the fan criticism to heart =)

Please Stop (0, Redundant)

Mr Abstracto (226219) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425361)

Enough already. Its April Fools Day, we get it, you can stop now.

Re:Please Stop (1, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425399)

It's still April 1st, so apparently you don't get it.
Maybe this simple explanation is simple enough for you:
http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh [tinyurl.com]

Now do you get it?

For are non American friends (1, Troll)

geekoid (135745) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425405)

here is an explanation of April Fools:
http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh [tinyurl.com]

Re:For are non American friends (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425603)

"For are non American friends"

Hmmm....I've never seen that one before. "Are" is a verb. You're looking for "our". As a nitpick, non-American is usually hyphenated.

Re:For are non American friends (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425733)

Obvious rickroll is obvious.

lol-nado (1, Interesting)

SendBot (29932) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425411)

the archivist class actually sounds pretty cool - I'm still eager to try out the witchdoctor.

Do I get my achievement yet?

Re:lol-nado (1)

davolfman (1245316) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426455)

I would totally play this. Then again I really, really liked Read Or Die.

Fuck April Fools (1, Insightful)

basementman (1475159) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425431)

Fuck these terrible April Fool's day articles. Slashdot, the rule is one prank a year on April 1st. Spamming the front pages with these shitty unfunny useless articles makes me wish Conficker had actually taken down the internet today.

Re:Fuck April Fools (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425473)

maybe it did. maybe this is what it does.

Re:Fuck April Fools (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425547)

STFU newfag.

Where the fuck did you get this ridiculous "one prank a year" bullshit? Ruining the entire site for the entire day is par for the course here. It's been like this every fucking year for as long as I can remember.

Re:Fuck April Fools (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27426517)

gbt/b/

Re:Fuck April Fools (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27426237)

For years slashdot has been like this why the fuck complain. IT'S ONE FUCKING DAY! GET SOME PERSPECTIVE!

Re:Fuck April Fools (1)

kongit (758125) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427181)

Screw that I want some pink ponies

Re:Fuck April Fools (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27427377)

I agree... It's way too much. I don't think we can ever trust another article appearing on, right before, or right after April 1st.

New Starcraft Unit (5, Insightful)

Korin43 (881732) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425441)

Am I the only one who wishes the Terra-tron was a real unit?

Re:New Starcraft Unit (1)

Mr. Beatdown (1221940) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425541)

No.

Re:New Starcraft Unit (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#27425619)

No you are not the only one, this had at least better be some type of easter egg

Re:New Starcraft Unit (1)

Ihmhi (1206036) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425789)

The Transformers, Beast Wars, and Power Rangers quotes shamelessly included make it all the more worthwhile.

"Terra-tron... TERRORIZE!"

"More... than meets... the eye!"

etc.

Re:New Starcraft Unit (4, Funny)

bar-agent (698856) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425843)

They should -- and could -- totally include this in the game. You'd give up your unit-building capabilities and resources, but in return, you get to

Finish him!

In other words, once you know you've won the match, you could break out the Terra-tron and rub it in. A battle finishing move. Of course, there'd have to be something like that for the Zerg and Protoss as well. Let's see...

For the Protoss, some sort of chain lightning effect, culminating in a singularity; or maybe a big mothership whose shadow covers the screen warps in and starts zapping. And for the Zerg, a Cerebrate pod meteors in from orbit, or tunnels in Bugs-Bunny-style, and tentacles whip out of the ground and wreak havoc; or maybe the Creep comes alive and devours everything in its path.

Re:New Starcraft Unit (1)

OutLawSuit (1107987) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426043)

For some reason, I came into this year thinking the Tauren Space Marine would be impossible to top... I was wrong.

Re:New Starcraft Unit (1)

reidiq (1434945) | more than 5 years ago | (#27429617)

What's sad is that we had that Tauren Space Marine last year..... last year! And now we have the Terra-tron this year..... WHY ANOTHER YEAR OF WAITING!!!! GIVE ME MY STARCRAFT II NOW!!!!!!!! /vent

great quote (4, Funny)

OglinTatas (710589) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425443)

from the archivist's dialog wheel:

"Test me and I will chronicle your pain"

That's just begging to be my sig.

Re:great quote (2, Informative)

illumin8 (148082) | more than 5 years ago | (#27429881)

from the archivist's dialog wheel:

Did you notice they also had two options: "Stay a while," and "Listen." This is clearly a nod to the first NPC you encounter in Diablo I, an old man that said "Stay a while and Listen," and was probably the first dialog you hear in the game. At the time Diablo I came out, it was revolutionary as a computer RPG that had actual voice acting, in a limited form. NPCs had a line of dialog they would say when you first clicked on them.

Meanwhile (-1, Redundant)

rpillala (583965) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425577)

Be sure to check out the Terratron [starcraft2.com] .

Archivists==Pirates? (1)

SunSpot505 (1356127) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425767)

The most swashbuckling arthritic educated Pirate/Archivist on the high seas. The eye patch doesn't stop him from his intense studying or crabby librarian sushing, only from the stereoscopic vision necessary to evade the dungeons many perils. With his colorful garments and handcrafted cane, he is sure to be the smash hit of the collectible figurine world and our favorite new DIII character.

Re:Archivists==Pirates? (1)

FishAdmin (1288708) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428995)

Reminds me of the scene from "Meaning of Life"...

Get off my...moo? (4, Funny)

Myrcutio (1006333) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425863)

Oblig.
The archivists bread and butter attack against creatures younger than him is a constant barrage of "Get off my lawn!", strangely effective against herds of halberd wielding bovines.

Guess What? (1)

TheVelvetFlamebait (986083) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425981)

I'm now an april fool!

Re:Guess What? (1)

Patricia (643) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426269)

Congrats. Of course I'll post just for the achievement as well.

Re:Guess What? (1)

LordofEntropy (250334) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426421)

I will reply to your achievement whoring post for my own personal achievement whoring.

Fear the achievement pimp hand.

Re:Guess What? (1)

Cozminsky (452030) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427495)

This thread is just an achievement point circle jerk.

Re:Guess What? (1)

Killjoy_NL (719667) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427523)

Gz :D

New D&D class (2, Funny)

JohnyDog (129809) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425995)

In related news, D&D is also getting new class, the Witchaloks [wizards.com] , designed by the Penny Arcade crew.

Re:New D&D class (1)

Neo Quietus (1102313) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426599)

I should convince the DM to allow me to play a Witchalok character. I've been told that if I show up with a NPC class character I'd be forced to play it, so maybe. :)

But, I WANT IT (4, Insightful)

dmomo (256005) | more than 5 years ago | (#27425999)

How can you show us something awesome and then say "ha ha just kidding"? Jokes are meant for absurd things. This was just a cock tease.

Re:But, I WANT IT (1)

Impeesa (763920) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426947)

I don't think I'm the only one who typically finds Blizzard's jokes to be at least as exciting as their real news. Strip away just a little bit of the extra silliness and I would love to play a bard, or a two-headed ogre, or have a pimped-out mount.

Re:But, I WANT IT (1)

MozzleyOne (1431919) | more than 5 years ago | (#27428111)

The best/worst thing about all the April Fool's I've seen from Blizz is that every one makes me laugh, then think "That would actually be crazy fun!"

2headed ogre in WoW? Yes please!

Wow thats cool (1)

Aklarr (1463653) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426199)

PImp my pussy baby..... pussy cat from darnassus that is :p

The D3 dialogue wheel... (1)

Thatmushroom (447396) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426245)

...was the best part of my day. Of course, that's just because they said "Thatmushroom is as big as a Cadillac!"

That's right, I was just called morbidly obese by Blizzard. And it was awesome.

Heavens will shake and (1)

Carnivore24 (467239) | more than 5 years ago | (#27426695)

The Mice, Shall Click...

Re:Heavens will shake and (1)

slackbheep (1420367) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427887)

and your eyes shall be strained.

joke? (1)

stealths (1227778) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427481)

They put a lot of work into this April Fools joke.. Made videos and such, wow. If this isn't a joke, it's the most stupid class ever. A Librarian??? C'mon now.

Re:joke? (1)

Justus (18814) | more than 5 years ago | (#27427489)

Blizzard always does that. It's just part of their, uh, charm, I guess.

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