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Spammers Say the Darndest Things

timothy posted about 5 years ago | from the missing-the-target-audience dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 115

The Narrative Fallacy writes "Bill Sweetman has a tongue-in-cheek post about how a few years ago he started collecting some of the more outlandish and amusing email subject lines from the many thousands of spam emails he received promoting various 'solutions' related to his private parts. Sweetman, a Canadian internet marketeer now working for Tucows gets a guilty pleasure from the copywriting 'skills' of the spammers. 'Sometimes the writing is clever. Sometimes it is accidentally funny. And sometimes it's just plain bizarre.' Sweetman writes that it takes a certain twisted creative genius to make your spam message stand out from the rest. and gives us ten of his favorite spam subject lines as well as his would-be replies to the messages. Favorites spam subject lines include 'Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off' and Sweetman's reply: 'Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighborhood showing off the results.'"

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115 comments

"Men will see your power in every public shower." (1, Funny)

ProudWhiteTrash (1365921) | about 5 years ago | (#27467495)

Thats to funny...

Sp4m poetry (4, Funny)

fluffywuffy (844881) | about 5 years ago | (#27467819)

Here's some from my spam box...

It's better to be hung than to work with your tongue.

Women don't like it tender they need a major member.

The dimensions of your tool will grow to a duel.

If ye can brush your teeth & masterbate in sam (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468159)

then this posts you!

PS: I've always wanted to be unlike any spammer, wantin to post this subject line in contrast to all those "job listings" saying I qualify if I could "walk and chew bubble gum at the same time." Alas, ye ol' privy a'time gibb0r to me a potty mouth.

Re:Sp4m poetry (4, Funny)

jabithew (1340853) | about 5 years ago | (#27468627)

The dimensions of your tool will grow to a duel.

What, you fight people with it? Or ceremonial battles turn you on?

Re:"Men will see your power in every public shower (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27467823)

That's too funny

Re:"Men will see your power in every public shower (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468391)

Thats to funny...

... as you are to people with low SAT Verbal scores?

Re:"Men will see your power in every public shower (3, Informative)

Feminist-Mom (816033) | about 5 years ago | (#27469157)

In case you don't want to go bother and look, the others are pretty funny:

1. "Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off."
Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighbourhood showing off the results.

2. "The hard friend in your pants will look up into the sky."
Thanks, but I would prefer it if my friends stayed out of my pants.

3. "Men will see your power in every public shower."
If they did, wouldn't I be arrested?

4. "Who doesn't love a big gun in the pants."
Isn't that what holsters are for?

5. "Make your love torpedo drive all the way to her tanker."
Maybe I missed that SexEd class, but I'm not entirely clear on where I would find a woman's tanker.

6. "Transform from a grass snake to a python."
Have you ever seen a python? Ick!

7. "Make your man's carrot grow."
What the heck are they selling, fertilizer?

8. "To the stars your manhood flies when you are happy with your size."
This writer's a poet and they don't even know it.

9. "We can make your man's volcano erupt like a famous Etna!"
Lava. Fire. Smoke. Thanks, but I can do without those in the bedroom.

10. "Put your doughnut in her oven."
If my 'thing' looks like a doughnut, I should see a doctor.

Re:"Men will see your power in every public shower (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27469811)

Those responses of his just aren't funny at all.

I think the problem is that his responses are far too "PG-rated" when we all know the content of the spam messages that he's replying to are more..."taboo" (for lack of a better term)...than that and so he just comes off sounding like a naive, pre-teen kid. To whit:

6. "Transform from a grass snake to a python."
Have you ever seen a python? Ick!

I mean, c'mon...

Re:"Men will see your power in every public shower (2, Insightful)

Feminist-Mom (816033) | about 5 years ago | (#27469849)

Yes, I agree. Although that could just be his personal style. I've noticed a lot of my more uptight friends are really horrified by these emails, or simply make believe to misinterpret them.

I know what he means (4, Interesting)

thermian (1267986) | about 5 years ago | (#27467509)

I use Gmail, so the spam I get is nicely packed into the spam folder.

I don't just clear it though. An amusing minute can be had reading the subject lines they come up with before hitting the delete button.

Re:I know what he means (1)

X0563511 (793323) | about 5 years ago | (#27472537)

I wish I had funny spam. My spam nearly all comes in this variety:

"ç¼éOEç¼èé'ç"Yæé£åsï¼OEå±åZå好æ©Yæoefï¼ç æ é è è ås å ç® å æ èz èã"

Re:I know what he means (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27473487)

Enable Moonspeak support.

Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam ... (1, Insightful)

tomhudson (43916) | about 5 years ago | (#27467523)

Must be a slow news day ... oh, right, it's Sunday.

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

maxume (22995) | about 5 years ago | (#27467539)

The rapture will come on a Sunday.

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (2, Funny)

tomhudson (43916) | about 5 years ago | (#27467585)

The rapture will come on a Sunday.

Psst ... hate to be the one to tell you, but it already happened. You got left behind.

Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me ...

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

Haeleth (414428) | about 5 years ago | (#27468549)

Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me ...

No downside?! What do you call all these damn locusts with scorpions' tails, then?

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

tomhudson (43916) | about 5 years ago | (#27469261)

No downside?! What do you call all these damn locusts with scorpions' tails, then?

A really bad case of the crabs?

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

Oloryn (3236) | about 5 years ago | (#27470191)

Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me

Well, that's certainly taking the short-term view.

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

tomhudson (43916) | about 5 years ago | (#27470379)

Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me

Well, that's certainly taking the short-term view.

Actually, it's taking the long-term view. I have zero interest in spending eternity with a bunch of jesus freaks (or any other religion, for that matter - but since they're the ones who believe in the foolishness of "the rapture" ... :-).

After all, if they're there, it sure ain't heaven.

Re:Not even funny ... just boring ... like spam .. (1)

dissy (172727) | about 5 years ago | (#27472493)

Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me

Well, that's certainly taking the short-term view.

I think it is amusing you chose to use 'short-term view' to describe the act 'going to heaven'

Is there something about that slashdotters fate that we don't?

Sounds to me like the definition of long-term thoughts on that subject!

A recent one I got (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27467553)

This iss your penis: 8--o
This iss your penis on drugs: 8=====O

This one was fairly original as well:

Poke her from her vagina to her throat with your new enormous dick from Penis Enlarge Patch.

The Angry Inch?! (2, Funny)

Dogtanian (588974) | about 5 years ago | (#27469171)

This iss your penis: 8--o
This iss your penis on drugs: 8=====O

The second one's still well under an inch on my monitor. That's nothing to shout about :-O

Re:The Angry Inch?! (2, Funny)

PPH (736903) | about 5 years ago | (#27469595)

The second one's still well under an inch on my monitor. That's nothing to shout about :-O

Want to impress your girl? Big monitors on sale here!

Re:The Angry Inch?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27470307)

smallest. balls. ever.

Re:A recent one I got (1)

Jesus_666 (702802) | about 5 years ago | (#27474709)

Poke her from her vagina to her throat with your new enormous dick from Penis Enlarge Patch.

Do they distribute diffs or do they use some kind of binary patcher? One the one hand I'd like to review their changes, on the other hand I don't want to have to recompile my penis. This is quite the conundrum.

My collection (5, Funny)

Hew (31074) | about 5 years ago | (#27467595)

Like the author of the article, I too have been collecting the most poetic entries:

  • Every woman that sleeps with you will wake up with the smile on her face.
  • A big member rules - she is satisfied, you are proud.
  • You can fulfill her request and become extremely blessed.
  • Having an awesome friend in your pants is all you need in this life.
  • A big instrument is a mortgage to success.
  • When your tool is big, the rest of the world seems so little for you.
  • Catch rapturous girls' looks on your zipper protuberance.
  • The best and easiest way to improve your lovemaking is the improvement of your love instrument.
  • Filll your bed partner's brain with the excitement and satisfaction.

Re:My collection (1)

notarockstar1979 (1521239) | about 5 years ago | (#27467637)

I love the ones that rhyme. If it rhymes it must be true.

Re:My collection (1)

bitt3n (941736) | about 5 years ago | (#27468473)

"If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!"

I wonder if Johnnie Cochran got that line out of his spam folder

Re:My collection (1)

Darby (84953) | about 5 years ago | (#27471851)

If it rhymes it must be true.

Therefore that very statement isn't so certain. Maybe it's true but no rhyme so you're hurtin'.

Re:My collection (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27467791)

Like the author of the article, I too have been collecting the most poetic entries:

  • Every woman that sleeps with you will wake up with the smile on her face.
  • A big member rules - she is satisfied, you are proud.
  • You can fulfill her request and become extremely blessed.
  • Having an awesome friend in your pants is all you need in this life.
  • A big instrument is a mortgage to success.
  • When your tool is big, the rest of the world seems so little for you.
  • Catch rapturous girls' looks on your zipper protuberance.
  • The best and easiest way to improve your lovemaking is the improvement of your love instrument.
  • Filll your bed partner's brain with the excitement and satisfaction.

Engrish spam? LOLs.

Re:My collection (4, Funny)

Sir_Lewk (967686) | about 5 years ago | (#27467989)

The best I've seen is: "Bomb her womb with your man cannon." My friends and I had some good laughs with that one.

Re:My collection (4, Funny)

Johnno74 (252399) | about 5 years ago | (#27469559)

I got some spam the other day that said this:

This iis your penis: 8--o
This iis your penis on drugs: 8=====O

I showed it to a workmate. He said "I didn't know they were personalizing spam these days"

Bastard.

Re:My collection (1)

Haoie (1277294) | about 5 years ago | (#27468461)

You could make a haiku from it!!

So what rhymes with penis?

Re:My collection (1)

bytesex (112972) | about 5 years ago | (#27473011)

So that another man with envy green is,
because his wife with his neighbour often seen is,
his little friend ugly and mean is,
and probably not very clean is.

Re:My collection (1)

GreennMann (1525279) | about 5 years ago | (#27469885)

I love the ones that look like they can be put into fortune cookies.

Re:My collection (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27470463)

Unfortunately, adding "in bed" to one of these fortune cookies wouldn't add much.

Re:My collection (1)

evilviper (135110) | about 5 years ago | (#27470873)

# Having an awesome friend in your pants is all you need in this life.

I couldn't agree more.

# Catch rapturous girls' looks on your zipper protuberance.

"Hey baby. Great set of hooters [nationalgeographic.com] you got there. Wanna touch my tuber [dahlias.net]?

Re:My collection (2, Funny)

xlsior (524145) | about 5 years ago | (#27471615)

My favorite, from many years ago:

"How to attract men with large breasts"
(spamvertising breast augmentation pills)

Re:My collection (2, Funny)

fractoid (1076465) | about 5 years ago | (#27472235)

"How to attract men with large breasts"

I dunno... be female and hang out in Games Workshop? :P

Python (1)

moniker127 (1290002) | about 5 years ago | (#27467601)

Kudos to those who understand the foot icon reference. :)

Re:Python (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468665)

You must be new here.

You can hope in one hand... (5, Insightful)

damn_registrars (1103043) | about 5 years ago | (#27467609)

... And shit in the other, and see which fills up first. He closes by saying

I hope the days of the spammer are numbered. Until then, at least we have can enjoy a good laugh at their expense.

But yet almost nothing is being done to actually stop people from sending spam. You can filter and whitelist/blacklist all you want, but that won't stop spammers from spamming. At no point does a spammer likely ever consider whether or not their spam will reach your box; it is a trivial cost for them.

Spammers will continue spamming as long as they can make money doing it. And a spammer poetry contest is equally as useless for impeding that as filters.

Re:You can hope in one hand... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27467785)

You can hope in one hand and post to Slashdot on the other and...

Re:You can hope in one hand... (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468267)

ever thought to realize that most spam is sent by virus botnets, and not a spam network, per-se?

Re:You can hope in one hand... (1)

DrGamez (1134281) | about 5 years ago | (#27468271)

I understand it's pointless, but then again aren't comments on a story about poetry contests about spam? (my god this is a REPLY to said comment!) You see how this is getting quite silly.

Re:You can hope in one hand... (2, Insightful)

hacker (14635) | about 5 years ago | (#27471273)

You can filter and whitelist/blacklist all you want, but that won't stop spammers from spamming. [...] Spammers will continue spamming as long as they can make money doing it.

Completely and utterly false myth. Spammers don't make money from sending email, they get money from people reading it and then buying the trash they're peddling. If filtering works, upstream or at the local mailbox, then the recipients won't see the mail, won't buy the products, and won't give the spammers money. Problem solved.

Filtering works... and as a testimony to that, I haven't seen a single spam in my mailbox in over 4 years, and maybe a handful of false positives each year, which I retrain with a click and never have to worry about it again. dspam rocks, and blows away everything out there, including SpamAssassin, Gmail's filtering and every other commercial solution I've ever seen. I put Graymilter in front of dspam and sendmail, and the amount of incoming spam my MTA receives and processes immediately dropped by 90%.

If we reduce the amount of overall spam delivered locally or upstream through filtering, we stop stupid people from contributing their income to the bank accounts of these spammers. It's a win:win.

Re:You can hope in one hand... (1)

damn_registrars (1103043) | about 5 years ago | (#27471905)

Completely and utterly false myth. Spammers don't make money from sending email, they get money from people reading it and then buying the trash they're peddling

That is splitting hairs. Obviously the act of sending out spam isn't the profitable part, few people are dumb enough to pay for having email sent out, especially at spam volumes.

If filtering works, upstream or at the local mailbox, then the recipients won't see the mail, won't buy the products, and won't give the spammers money. Problem solved.

I'm afraid that part is a myth. Some spam will get through, somewhere. Furthermore the spammers will find ways around the filters and get more spam through. The spammers won't just give up because of the filters, they'll find a way to continue reaching their audience.

Filtering works

Only if you ignore the cost of the spam that you had to filter.

which I retrain

At which point you have consumed both your own time and the CPU time for the filtering rules.

And that is saying nothing of the cost of delivering the email to your system from wherever it originated.

If we reduce the amount of overall spam delivered locally or upstream through filtering, we stop stupid people from contributing their income to the bank accounts of these spammers.

If that was true then you would expect it to have put some of the spammers out of business. Instead spam is at the same or greater level as it was previously.

It's a win:win.

I would say its a lose:lose. Spammers will work harder to get past your filters (or send out even more spam), and you are wasting time training anti-spam techniques that won't work long enough. Furthermore you are paying for the cost of that spam to make it to your filters; the cost your ISP pays to get it to you, the cost you pay to store it somewhere to analyze it as spam, the cost you pay in human or CPU time to declare it to be junk.

Your filter might be a good feel-good solution for yourself, for right now. But it will never solve the problem.

Re:You can hope in one hand... (2, Insightful)

dissy (172727) | about 5 years ago | (#27472481)

I hope the days of the spammer are numbered. Until then, at least we have can enjoy a good laugh at their expense.

But yet almost nothing is being done to actually stop people from sending spam.

You should really get started on that, you have a lot of work ahead of you.

You say 'nothing is being done' as if you expect others to do it for you. Some people are, and cheers to them. Are you?
If so, then my apologies, and a cheers to you too. Otherwise you don't have much room to complain.

You can pitch in and help too, anything from technical expertise (coding new better filters) to legal expertise (better laws to deal with the problem, realistic things to enforce) to financial ($$ donated to those whom do) and everything in between.

MyBrute & MyMiniCity (-1, Offtopic)

mlauzon (818714) | about 5 years ago | (#27467621)

I remember when TUCOWS started, but the site has become so outdate and surpassed by better offerings like download.com, etc! http://asrokhel.mybrute.com/ [mybrute.com] http://rollandrock.myminicity.com/ [myminicity.com]

Re:MyBrute & MyMiniCity (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468325)

And I'm pissed for what they've done for their domain registration business. Hover sucks.

Re:MyBrute & MyMiniCity (1)

Dogtanian (588974) | about 5 years ago | (#27469149)

Am I missing something here? Was that offtopic comment an excuse to spam (ironically ontopic-but-not-really) your MyMiniCity?!

I'd totally forgotten that nonsense. For those who don't remember, MyMiniCity appeared a couple of years back and was superficially a Flash-based simplistic Sim City clone where your aim was to get your city to the top of the rankings.

However, IIRC the size or "success" of your city was derived solely from the number of unique visitors to its page. In other words, it was a clever ruse to get as many people as possible visiting the website, enticed- or more likely conned- into visiting by people who wanted to boost their city's rating.

Yes, it's obviously a piss-poor game that requires little actual skill, but at the same time that's its "strength"; anyone can "play" and get a sense of achievement from it, however unwarranted- and I suspect that the makers knew that there are enough kids- and losers- out there to make it work.

There were a few spams for MyMiniCity a couple of years back, but it seemed to die off. Quite why mlauzon is suddenly spamming this crap under what seemed until a few posts back to be a "proper" account is unclear.

LOLspam (4, Funny)

ewe2 (47163) | about 5 years ago | (#27467625)

is what we've been calling it for some months now, here's a couple of recent favourites:

Reconstruct your male friend and you will love the changes.
You won't find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.

More strength, length, and pleasure with less efforts...
He temperate? of But. And fix be identical.
Which in 'we'll glints God. At injury TWISTED, pausing.

Re:LOLspam (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27473033)

You won't find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.

More strength, length, and pleasure with less efforts....

Thats what happened when I shoved my huge cock up her fanny. She had to be retarded to let me.

My favorite from a few years back (4, Funny)

dmomo (256005) | about 5 years ago | (#27467749)

Throw it to her from the other room.

Re:My favorite from a few years back (1)

fractoid (1076465) | about 5 years ago | (#27472273)

I somehow misread your sig as "Make an ugly gurl cute!"

And from the Spam folder of my gmail account - "You can wear tight tops and mini skirts again." Thanks, but I don't think anyone's EVER wanted to see me in a miniskirt. :P

Funniest spam I ever saw (3, Funny)

Rik Sweeney (471717) | about 5 years ago | (#27467839)

The funniest spam message I ever saw had the subject header "Pound her 'til she finishes". I thought that was so funny I went and bought some Viagra from them.

Some more data for your entertainment (2, Interesting)

badger.foo (447981) | about 5 years ago | (#27467915)

I generally do not get a lot of spam, but one episode recently made me collect some samples [bsdly.net] and blog about them (/.ed as Giving Your Greytrapping a Helping Hand [slashdot.org]).

That page also contains references such as the complete listing of subject lines [home.nuug.no] from spammers caught in our blacklists over a few years' time.

Enjoy!

Re:Some more data for your entertainment (3, Funny)

value_added (719364) | about 5 years ago | (#27471875)

That page also contains references such as the complete listing of subject lines from spammers caught in our blacklists over a few years' time.

Seeing all those subject lines on the same page, I'm reminded of what an AOL logon experience is like.

Discriminative spam (1)

mindcorrosive (1524455) | about 5 years ago | (#27467945)

I wonder when some random feminist organization will sue them for not sending them targeted unsolicited email. I mean, they must be royally pissed -- not only they get as much spam as the average Joe, but they also have to put up with stuff like "Her $HAIRY_ANIMAL needs more times a night". Imagine the headlines -- "We want our targeted spam, you sexist pigs!"...

Re:Discriminative spam (1)

Qzukk (229616) | about 5 years ago | (#27470083)

Her $HAIRY_ANIMAL needs more times a night

Reminds me of all the spam I get where someone screwed up the template. "Re: [SUBJECT]" or "Dear $TARGETNAME" etc.

Great Offer Inside, Click Now!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468043)

wanna show off your special power? wanna make teh womans want more when you have finished your job? then get teh liquid to make your magic fly. for just 50 dollars plus shipping and handling we can make your shipping and handling dreams come true. you know that you need to get some to make your danny boy pipe come calling. buy today and fly away.

I voted for Obama (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468223)

simply because I received an email with the subject "McCain wants to invade your vagina".

Watch out Vogons (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468501)

You got competition, bitcheys!

Inundate Your Neighbors! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27468769)

That one showed up in my in box once, advertising something that was claimed to increase the volume of one's ejaculation. The mental imagery is unmatched by any other spam I've received before or since.

Goddammit (1)

jones_supa (887896) | about 5 years ago | (#27468777)

I once got a spam which subject was simply "goddammit". Many times when I think about spam this classic pops in my head.

please... (1)

Trix726 (1373291) | about 5 years ago | (#27468819)

I once got a spam email with the subject "nigga please" then the contents ended up being some crap about mortgage.... I was expecting something better....

The most ingenious idea (2, Interesting)

Phroggy (441) | about 5 years ago | (#27468971)

The best idea I ever saw for spam subject lines was simply using random news headlines. Knowing full well it was spam and that the message body had nothing to do with the headline, I still had to fight the urge to open the message to read what it said. The headline caught my attention (I think a lot of them were political FUD attacks during the election) and I wanted to click on it to see more.

Flute... (4, Funny)

dargaud (518470) | about 5 years ago | (#27469123)

I got a spam with a pretty poetic title yesterday: "The magic melody for your flute". I read it to my wife but she said she prefers the trombone... 8-|

Re:Flute... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27469389)

I got a spam with a pretty poetic title yesterday: "The magic melody for your flute". I read it to my wife but she said she prefers the trombone... 8-|

She's just saying that because I taught her to play the rusty variety...

Increase your ejaculation 500%! (1)

zenster (453934) | about 5 years ago | (#27469133)

We spent the rest of the day at work debating whether this was quantity or range.

Re:Increase your ejaculation 500%! (1)

bennomatic (691188) | about 5 years ago | (#27471917)

And note, quantity could be read in two ways... 500% more per instance, or five times as many instances.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to increase the actual volume or force, as long as they've got a relatively healthy, normal system. So I'm guessing it must be a frequency thing. Makes me think of the movie Roxanne, where the young stud says to the heartbroken Steve Martin/Cyrano character, "I couldn't get it up... the fourth time."

Dear sir, (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27469481)

If you could kindly give me a moment of your time, I would like to engage you in a proposal.

Are you tired of lasting only as long as a Nigerian finance minister?

My favorite spam subject so far... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27469503)

"Sustain the magnesium oxide balance in your organism."

That actually popped up in my inbox.

Girl giving head crash (2, Funny)

5pp000 (873881) | about 5 years ago | (#27470787)

There was a stretch where I was getting some spams whose subject lines were obviously being constructed: each consisted of a short phrase followed by a single unrelated (and clearly randomly selecte) word. One of them came out "Girl giving head crash". Ever since, I've had an image of a comely female sucking on a disc drive :-)

Sometimes regular people can be too clever... (4, Interesting)

bennomatic (691188) | about 5 years ago | (#27471903)

Back in '04, a friend of mine was volunteering for the Kerry campaign, and his email for rallying the troops against Bush and Cheney had the subject line: "Let's Lick Dick and Bush Together".

Needless to say, I remember being annoyed that my spam filter hadn't caught it, and manually deleting it without even checking to see who it was from.

A few weeks later, we were both at a dinner, and he was talking about his efforts, and I asked him to include me in his correspondence so I could help out, and he said he had, that I just hadn't ever responded. After a little back and forth, we figured out where the miscommunication was.

Extreme Cat Rape? (2, Funny)

brienv (144297) | about 5 years ago | (#27472167)

Just got one today titled "Extreme Cat Rape".

I guess that's where you go when normal cat rape just doesn't do it for you anymore.

No girl will dare reject you (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27472611)

I have to say that my favorite was "No girl will dare reject you (k)now". Before I got this email I didn't realize the purpose of a penis was to be so large that you can bludgeon women to death with it. (And ironically the CAPTCHA for this post was "spanked")

We will always have Paris (1)

megabulk3000 (305530) | about 5 years ago | (#27472647)

There was an especially good run about 6 months ago. I wonder who came up with these! I take my hat off. Here are some of the better titles I harvested:
Paris Hilton 'bent over backwards' for me - says Stephen Hawking
Paris Hilton full of Seamen
London sleazebags swarm to club's Paris Hilton night
Paris Hilton Returned By Aliens
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to Visit Burma
Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin
Paris Hilton caught sucking a Fisherman's Friend
Paris Hilton screwed by Boy Scouts
Paris Hilton denies screwing Ron Paul
Bisexual Paris Hilton Likes Bush & Dick
Paris Hilton gets a third breast implant. Taunts Lohan & Spears to do the same!
Has Whirling Paris Hilton Embraced Sufism?
Paris Declares - "Marilyn a dead root!"
Paris Hilton Starts Large Hadron Collider Today
Paris Hilton Claims "I'm Still A Summer Virgin"
John McCain To Paris Hilton: "Cosmo, bayatch!"
Paris Hilton Wins Pulitzer Prize
Paris Hilton opens legs
Paris Hilton Lectures on Dickens and Dostoevsky
Paris Hilton tosses dwarf on the street
Paris Hilton Sold Her Soul to the Devil, admits it on Larry King
Paris Hilton to show beaver
Paris Hilton crowned 'Miss Vagina 2008'
Old man dies inside Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton Becomes Nun
Paris Hilton Shoots Down American Spy Satellite With Her Vagina
Dalai Lama denies receiving fellatio from Paris Hilton

and...
Miss Universe assassinated on plane home
Britney's Spears' baby sister strips for Playboy
US Basketball Team suffers crushing defeat
Bush declares war on Iran
Hillary admitted to Bill being on herbal supplements to help enhance performance
Batman decides to show his manhood
Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruz relatives?
Angelina Jolie naked
Kids leave robbery victim dead
Girl kills 3 in industrial accident
Police open fire on elderly in Iowa
Girl loses breasts in surgical disaster
Girl reveals burial sites of victms
Horse wins owner $17m
Man breaks arm in horror fall
Girl smashes dog to death, faces imprisonment
Raw footage of snake swallowing horse
Bush Averts Albanian Uprising By Invading Alabama
Hillary Clinton Sues Barack Obama
James Bond To Have Gay Lover In New Film
Bush And Putin Agree To Restart Cold War During G8 Summit
[video] Mccain And Bush To Dance In Puppet Show
Britney Spears Stashed Guns In Her Vagina - Papparazzi Duck For Cover
Wii console explodes causing death
University professors encourage students to go for enlargement
Photos of your girlfriend cheating you
Killer tsunami claims one million lives in Japan
Madonna Sued For Sexual Harassment And Accent
Lohan Sentenced To Swabbing Morgue Corpses
Obama Converts To Judiasm!
Barack Obama Wins Ku Klux Klan Endorsement
George Bush And His Secret Sex Flap
Gay Rights Terrorist Kills Eight In fabulous Bombing

Here's another one (1)

frenchbedroom (936100) | about 5 years ago | (#27473411)

I checked out my spam folder and I thought this one was pretty funny : "Now you can use your other head as it will be bigger than the first one."

The funniest one I ever got (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#27474071)

"Your spam filter is not working!"
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