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Town Fights Cricket Plague With Led Zeppelin

samzenpus posted more than 4 years ago | from the certain-mariah-carey-notes-make-dolphins-abduct-and-eat-small-children dept.

Music 190

The residents of Tuscarora, Nevada are getting ready to fight the annual invasion of mormon crickets with the power of Rock-N-Roll. Trial and error has shown that the crickets don't think much of Led Zeppelin or the Rolling Stones. The residents circle the town with boomboxes at regular intervals to drive off the millions of crickets. "It is part of our arsenal. You'll wake up and there'll be one sitting on your forehead, looking at you." says Laura Moore, an unemployed college professor and one of the town's 13 residents. The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

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190 comments

Well... (4, Funny)

fyngyrz (762201) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748369)

The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

I suppose that ends all speculation that rap isn't cricket, eh, old man?

Re:Well... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748617)

I suppose that ends all speculation that rap isn't cricket, eh, old man?

I didn't realize Buddy Holly even played rap.

Re:Well... (5, Insightful)

jo42 (227475) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748699)

"rap" 75% of the word "crap".

Re:Well... (4, Funny)

4D6963 (933028) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748783)

"rap" 75% of the word "crap".

Impressive find! Semi-relatedly, I think you just proved to have 75% of the wit necessary to start writing rap.

Re:Well... (4, Funny)

fyngyrz (762201) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749009)

About 14% country
And 75% rap
These are the components
of 100% crap

Thumping and bumping
And your old belt buckle
A gat and a nine
and your old truck'll...

[chorus]:

...produce 100 per cent
Stupid and ig-nor-ent

Bumpkin and ghetto
It ain't no libretto

It's just 100 per cent
crap.

Chords are G, A, and E. Bass line is subsonic and at least 12 db higher than the vocals. Wear a kerchief and cowboy boots when performing. Ad libbing about your dog is permitted.

Re:Well... (1)

cayenne8 (626475) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749107)

""rap" 75% of the word "crap"."

Don't forget, the words 'rap' and 'music' are mutually exclusive terms.

Re:Well... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749209)

Oh, I thought De la Soul, A Tribe Called Quest, et. al. produced quite decent music...

Re:Well... (4, Funny)

gnick (1211984) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749327)

I think that the idea that they like rap was just invented by the local parents.

"If you keep listening to that, the mormon crickets will come and get you!"

I'll have to remember that trick for when mine are old enough to start playing crap on the radio. "Sorry, m'boy. The only way we can keep the boogy-man away is to spin up some of Dad's Floyd albums. Maybe you can listen to your music really quietly in the basement."

Re:Well... (3, Insightful)

ConceptJunkie (24823) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749683)

I'll have to remember that trick for when mine are old enough to start playing crap on the radio. "Sorry, m'boy. The only way we can keep the boogy-man away is to spin up some of Dad's Floyd albums. Maybe you can listen to your music really quietly in the basement."

My oldest is 15, and so far he has been immune to peer pressure on the subject of music. And most other things too... he's a good kid. In any event, he's been exposed to a lot of good music since he was a baby, and has definitely acquired a taste that is similar to mine (and to a lesser extent his Mom's, but only since she doesn't listen to music nearly as much as I do). The same thing happened to me growing up. I ended up really liking what I was hearing from my Dad ("classic" rock, back before it was a cliche, some country, some proto-progressive music), and my tastes branched off from there. I completely bypassed disco (ugh!) and punk and other popular movements.

My kids are free to listen to whatever they like, but since they've been exposed to so much good stuff at home (all kinds of progressive rock, jazz and classical) they tend to like that. Will they change their tastes or interests as they get older? Maybe... and that's fine. Nevertheless, my plan has been to set the example and let things grow as they may. The contrast between what I consider to be "good" music and what's popular is much stronger than it was in the 70s when pop music hadn't yet completely devolved to the level it's at today.

My little brother (13 years younger) liked some of the same things as me when I was still living at home. After I moved out, he went through a brief rap phase, discovered the "classics" (big air quotes because I refer to "classic rock", not classical music) and now digs jam bands and bluegrass. There's are not often my cuppa, but are definitely something I think is cool.

It's all a matter of what you're exposed to. In the absence of good music, many people won't find that overly simplistic and repetitious music can get tiresome, or that better alternatives are out there. Some people never see music as more than background noise or something to dance to. I also have a personal pet theory that tone deafness is a spectrum and that most people have it to some degree or other, so melody and harmony just don't have the same effect on them as it does for others. Others don't have the patience or interest in acquiring the taste. (e.g., I sometimes didn't like many of my favorites the first time I heard them). And other people just like what they like, and there's never anything wrong with that.

Of course, I find the idea of scary stories very appealing...

Re:Well... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749289)

True. Also:
rock is 83% of "crock"
funk has 75% in common with junk
classical is 77% assical (there's a Seven of Nine reference in there somewhere...)

Re:Well... (4, Funny)

djdavetrouble (442175) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749619)

"rap" 75% of the word "crap".

"classical" 100% of the word "ass".

Seriously, how long have you been quoting that stupid cliche......

Re:Well... (1)

KrimZon (912441) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749731)

You haven't only just heard of it? What kind of rock have you been living under? One with lots of memes underneath?

PC police (5, Funny)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748419)

The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

That's racist.

Re:PC police (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748505)

The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

That's racist.

A destructive pest enjoys something that happens to be produced by niggers! It dislikes something that was produced by white people! Coincidence? I think not.

Now THAT'S racist.

Re:PC police (0, Troll)

EvilToiletPaper (1226390) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749141)

A destructive pest enjoys something that happens to be produced by niggers! It dislikes something that was produced by white people! Coincidence? I think not..

That's correct..

Jimi hendrix was the best rap artist ever...

Eminem just rocks dude.. hardcore..

Re:PC police (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749469)

About half of Led Zeppelin songs and about 90% of the good Rolling Stones songs were written by black songwriters.

LOL, it's cricket *bugs* (4, Funny)

multipartmixed (163409) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748421)

At first, I thought they were trying to get rid of haughty Englishmen with funny bats!

Re:LOL, it's cricket *bugs* (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748873)

At first, I thought they were trying to get rid of haughty Englishmen with funny bats!

Really? Well shit, at first I thought they were trying to say that these crickets can GIVE head. But they were just saying they can end up on your head when you're sleeping, which makes a lot more sense now that I think about it. Isn't reading comprehension great?

I had to do it (4, Funny)

Mordok-DestroyerOfWo (1000167) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748423)

I wonder how they feel about Buddy Holly?

I'll go ahead and hit myself for that one.

I though I was the only one. (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748427)

Finally another species that hates Led Zeppelin as much as I do.

Re:I though I was the only one. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748911)

Finally another species that hates Led Zeppelin as much as I do.

CATS?! Is that you?

Easy Solution (1)

Rayeth (1335201) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748429)

You'll never have one show up on your head when you fall asleep if you sleep to the sounds of Stairway to Heaven.

Re:Easy Solution (2, Interesting)

mikael (484) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749105)

Stairway to Heaven by Rolf Harris would get me out of bed in zombie mode and change the CD-player/radio to anything else.

Interesting article (4, Funny)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748469)

FTA: Rock music blaring from boomboxes has proved one of the best defenses against an annual invasion of Mormon crickets.

Yeah, but you get one alone and he'll drink all your beer.

Re:Interesting article (2, Informative)

Ytsejam-03 (720340) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749625)

FTA: Rock music blaring from boomboxes has proved one of the best defenses against an annual invasion of Mormon crickets.

Yeah, but you get one alone and he'll drink all your beer.

+1 Funny. Unfortunately, it probably went over the head of anyone who hasn't lived in Utah.

Always take at least two Mormons fishing with you or the damned Jack Mormon will drink all your beer. [urbandictionary.com]

Most hated song (5, Funny)

diablovision (83618) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748475)

I guess they really must hate "Trampled Underfoot".

Re:Most hated song (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749119)

Zeppelin rules!!

Re:Most hated song (3, Funny)

bughunter (10093) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749651)

They destroy crops and lots of the other leafy vegetation.

But "robert" plants leave them Dazed and Confused.

The joke writes itself. (4, Funny)

LaminatorX (410794) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748499)

In addition to Rock n Roll, the mormon crickets are repelled by alchohol, caffine, premarital sex, and gay marriage.

Re:The joke writes itself. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748771)

Oh common. The infidel bugs are canabalistic. They're hardly "members in good standing" of any "Mormon denomination" (history of the name [wikipedia.org]).

Re:The joke writes itself. (1)

zarmanto (884704) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749261)

In addition to Rock n Roll, the mormon crickets are repelled by alchohol, caffine, premarital sex, and gay marriage.

Haven't you heard? The Mormon church has renounced their previous stand against caffeine, since they just purchased PepsiCo and all of its subsidiary brands. Now, they no longer believe that it's a sin to consume caffeinated drinks -- but it absolutely is a sin to consume any product sold by that evil spawn of the devil, Coca-cola! (I know it's true, 'cause I read it in an e-mail from a friend of a friend of a friend.........)

"Mormon Crickets: Neither mormon nor cricket.... (5, Interesting)

weston (16146) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749499)

... Discuss." ;)

They're not called Mormon Crickets because they're considered adherents to the faith, they're called Mormon Crickets because they're one of the fine local features the Mormons found waiting for them when they settled in Utah the mid 1800s. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miracle_of_the_Gulls [wikipedia.org] .

Mormon Crickets are also not only not Mormons, they're not crickets either. They're shieldbacked katydids.

They're also cannibals.

And polygamists.

Re:"Mormon Crickets: Neither mormon nor cricket... (4, Funny)

PolygamousRanchKid (1290638) | more than 4 years ago | (#27750139)

Mormon Crickets are also not only not Mormons, they're not crickets either. They're shieldbacked katydids.

"... shieldbacked katydids?" Please do not use these abstruse metric or imperial system units. What are they in Texan talk: Varmints or Critters?

They're also cannibals.

Great house pets. No need to buy pet food, they just "feed themselves."

And polygamists.

Well, that sounds interestings. Send some over. I hope they will be more entertaining than the Presbyterian Toads.

Re:"Mormon Crickets: Neither mormon nor cricket... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27750143)

They're also ... polygamists.

So they at least used to be Mormon?

Yeni (1)

oldhack (1037484) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748507)

Don't they know that Yeni is the weaspon of mass destruction?

Re:Yeni (4, Informative)

Phroggy (441) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748709)

Did you mean Yanni [wikipedia.org]?

Almost Onion Material (3, Interesting)

Sponge Bath (413667) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748519)

TFA: "...best defenses against an annual invasion of Mormon crickets"

Mormons and Zeppelin don't mix?

Tuscarorans are preparing once again to get out their extension cords, array their stereos in a quarter-circle and tune them to rock station KHIX

Sounds like another Burning Man festival.

Re:Almost Onion Material (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27748635)

Mormons and Zeppelin don't mix?

"Mormons" and crickets don't mix. [wikipedia.org]

Why not death metal? (2, Informative)

Kashell (896893) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748613)

I imagine that it might drive the crickets off in such a way that it actually *kills* them...

California? (1)

Smivs (1197859) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748621)

The residents of Tuscarora, Nevada...circle the town with boomboxes at regular intervals to drive off the millions of crickets.

If the crickets have got any sense, they'll be Going to California. [wikipedia.org]

Re:California? (1)

creimer (824291) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748685)

We here in California will roll up those Mormon crickets in a joint and smoke 'em to heaven.

copyright violation (5, Insightful)

castironpigeon (1056188) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748697)

Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.

Re:copyright violation (2, Interesting)

Red Flayer (890720) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748817)

Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.

If a Led Zeppelin song is broadcasted but there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound^H^H^H^H^Hvalid claim of copyright violation?

Seriously, though, this is why they should play from a radio station broadcast -- then the royalties were already paid. If they play from CD or from mp3, then they could be subject to a public performance complaint... plus then they'd have to deal with the not-so-fun issue of synchronization of a crapload of stereos.

Re:copyright violation (1)

Burning1 (204959) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749133)

Unless the stereos are right on top of each other, they will have synchronization issues regardless.

Sound only travels through the air at ~750 miles per hour. If the boom boxes are 600 feet apart, there will be a half second of lag time between when you hear a note from your box, and a note from the guy to your left.

Re:copyright violation (1)

Red Flayer (890720) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749183)

Stand where the vectors intersect. There's no reason you have to stand on/near the arc itself.

Re:copyright violation (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749189)

They might still be in trouble. If I'm not mistaken, radio broadcasts are licensed for private listening, not public performances.

"publicly" (3, Informative)

tepples (727027) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749365)

If a Led Zeppelin song is broadcasted but there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound^H^H^H^H^Hvalid claim of copyright violation?

Probably not, because US copyright law [copyright.gov] defines "publicly" as "at a place open to the public or at any place where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered", and a cricket isn't a "person" except perhaps in works of fiction written by Carlo Collodi or George Selden.

Seriously, though, this is why they should play from a radio station broadcast -- then the royalties were already paid.

The royalties to ASCAP and BMI were already paid, but not for performance in an establishment "open to the public". Such royalties are the responsibility of the owner of the establishment "open to the public" unless the performance qualifies under 17 USC 110(5), which was enacted as a rider to the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act.

Re:copyright violation (3, Funny)

dcollins117 (1267462) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749563)

So what are you going to do - sue the crickets for being illegally repelled by Led Zepplin?

ps. That's a sentence I'd never thought I'd write

Re:copyright violation (4, Funny)

T Murphy (1054674) | more than 4 years ago | (#27750289)

Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.

Did you even read the summary? Their music wards off pests.

They Love Rap? I Think Not (1)

Wowlapalooza (1339989) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748701)

The TFA doesn't say they love rap. What it says is that the 2007 and 2008 crickets had "hipper tastes" (i.e. weren't as deterred by heavy-metal music as the 2006 crickets were). Apparently samzenpus mis-read "hipper" as "hip-hop" and assumed they love rap.

Le Sigh.

Re:They Love Rap? I Think Not (4, Interesting)

pz (113803) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748855)

The TFA doesn't say they love rap. What it says is that the 2007 and 2008 crickets had "hipper tastes" (i.e. weren't as deterred by heavy-metal music as the 2006 crickets were). Apparently samzenpus mis-read "hipper" as "hip-hop" and assumed they love rap.

Le Sigh.

Also means the residents of Tuscarora might be applying selective pressure on the cricket population by playing loud rock music.

Not the best article (1)

dogmatixpsych (786818) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748705)

I actually read the article for once. I hate to be negative but it was a bit confusing (almost like a meander along a winding road) and had at least one typo (Morman instead of Mormon). Anyway, that's my negativity for the day. :)

At the risk of being modded down (-1, Flamebait)

elrous0 (869638) | more than 4 years ago | (#27748967)

Okay, I know this is going to get me modded down into infinity here, but I'm sorry--those crickets have good taste. Those are the two most overrated bands in rock and roll history. If only their actual talent could have been even a fraction of the size of their egos, maybe you would have had something. But even the Beatles had more actual talent than those two. And I fucking hate the Beatles.

Re:At the risk of being modded down (1)

Bill, Shooter of Bul (629286) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749401)

I would go a s far as saying that if you hate Led Zeppelin, then you don't like Rock. Any strain of Modern Rock can be traced back to them and / or the Who.

Re:At the risk of being modded down (1)

Red Flayer (890720) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749523)

Okay, I know this is going to get me modded down into infinity here, but I'm sorry--those crickets have good taste. Those are the two most overrated bands in rock and roll history.

I'll agree with you on the Stones, but not on Led Zep. Maybe (scratch that -- most likely) there's a personal taste issue in your case, but I don't think Led Zep can be matched for what they brought to the table for rock.

Compare Led Zep to what came before, and it's quite clear that they were pioneers. They took blues, folk, progressive elements, and driving bass lines to a new level. Though they have a very distinct sound that colored everything they performed, I can't think of a single band with a consistent repertoire as wide as theirs.

FWIW, I think the Beatles are very overrated in terms of musicianship, though not in terms of pop sensibility and as drivers of certain style of music.

Re:At the risk of being modded down (1)

GodfatherofSoul (174979) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749637)

I bet you're one of those guys who listens to crappy indie bands just because they have indie cred. The reason Led Zeppelin and the Beatles have so much clout is that they've contributed so much to the history of American influence, including those crappy indie bands you love so much. Don't confuse "overplayed" with "overhyped."

Southpark was wrong (1)

damien_kane (519267) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749149)

The Mormon's aren't the right choice after all...

Defy God, he sends plagues of locusts.
One would think that after this many years of Old-Testament vengeance wrought upon them that they'd change their tune.

Fight The Slashdot Racism: +1, Informative (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749169)

with the Southwest Airlines Rap [youtube.com].

Yours In Communism,
Kilgore Trout

"Unemployed college professor"? (5, Funny)

zindorsky (710179) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749185)

... says Laura Moore, an unemployed college professor and one of the town's 13 residents

If you're unemployed, you're not a college professor. You're a former college professor, or a wannabe college professor. Also, maybe a town of 13 doesn't have a lot of college professor openings?

Re:"Unemployed college professor"? (4, Funny)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749397)

If you're unemployed, you're not a college professor.

Bah, that's as stupid as saying that I'm not an unemployed Divine Emperor of Everything! And I'd crush you beneath my boot heel (or rather order my underlings to crush you) for saying such a thing. At least as soon as a position opens up...

Re:"Unemployed college professor"? (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749403)

How does a place with thirteen people in it qualify as a town, again?

Re:"Unemployed college professor"? (1)

mdielmann (514750) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749951)

How does a place with thirteen people in it qualify as a town, again?

Yeah, I thought it was called a 'crossroad'. Oh look, 4 houses within shouting distance! Whatever shall we call this place? And who would care.

Re:"Unemployed college professor"? (1)

DomNF15 (1529309) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749591)

Right, because everyone works in the same town they live in. There's no roads or cars over there in Tuscarora, no sir. If it weren't for those crickets, life would be pretty dull!

Re:"Unemployed college professor"? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749725)

Maybe that's why she has them on her head when she wakes up. Guess it's not a problem if you're not unemployed and living outside in a box.

daitomaceous earth (4, Informative)

Zecheus (1072058) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749197)

Hints from Helen: diatomaceous earth (from a pool store) and borax scratch open the shell of these bugs and they dry up. Little is needed unless it blows away. D.E. can irritate the nose, but otherwise earth friendly. D.E. is tiny fossils. I guess it can take out other insects, too, but in that town, it doesn't seem that there are any other insects.

LED Zeppelin (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749267)

Am I the only one that imagined a zeppelin covered in light emitting diodes when they first read the article?

Om nom nom (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749293)

If the crickets are eating your crops, eat the crickets.

America has went downhill. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749449)

Used to be Americans could cause the extinction of the American Locust.

Now they can't take out crickets?

old news!!!! (1)

Ingcuervo (1349561) | more than 4 years ago | (#27749841)

this is the same way I used to fight my neighbors when I was 18!!!! that should be called INGCUERVO'S strategy

Selective pressure (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#27749955)

Exactly. Natural selection will create a slippery slope. The Stones give way to Journey, who gives way to Poison, who gives way to Creed, who gives way to Fred Durst a capella. With that kind of sonic radiation, only the cockroaches are cheering.

Playlist? (1)

egcagrac0 (1410377) | more than 4 years ago | (#27750103)

Jokes about Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp and Trampled Under Foot aside, I'd be interested to know which music actually seemed to deter the onslaught.

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