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Where Does a Geek Find a Social Life?

kdawson posted more than 5 years ago | from the meet-space dept.

Social Networks 1354

JustShootMe writes "I have a question for my fellow Slashdotters, and yes, I realize I am entering the lion's den covered in tasty meat-flavored sauce. I have never been a very social person, preferring to throw myself into technology; therefore, I've been spectacularly unsuccessful in developing any meaningful interpersonal relationships. Lately I have begun to feel that this situation is not tenable, and I would like to fix it. But I really don't know how and haven't the faintest idea where to start. I know that I am in the minority and that there are many different kinds of Slashdot readers, most of whom have more experience in this realm than I do. So please tell me: how, and more importantly, where do you meet fellow geeks — preferably including some of the opposite gender — in meatspace?"

Sorry! There are no comments related to the filter you selected.

Go old school (4, Funny)

plover (150551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415839)

I don't know where you'd meet a woman in realspace, since I met my wife on-line. But that was 29 years ago, so that old trick probably won't work any more.

Where Does a Geek Find a Social Life? (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415977)

Simple do what Bill Gates and Steve Jobs did.

1: Create a huge tech company

2: Engage Human Resources

3: Pick a girl out of company cafeteria line.

4: Have lots of kids right away.


Re:Go old school (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416123)

The internet wasn't around 29 years ago, so how did that work?

Re:Go old school (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416171)

Fucking kids. We had BBS's back them (among other things). You think the Internet (it's capitalized moron) is the end-all-be-all? Go back to your texting.

step one (5, Insightful)

jessejay356 (625312) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415843)

don't call it meatspace, it freaks out the normal people.

Re:step one (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415881)

don't call it meatspace, it freaks out the normal people.

Yeah, but is that such a bad thing? Maybe he doesn't just want a mundane, he wants a relationship with a female geek.

To the original questioner: How about finding your local a Hackerspace [] ? It's the perfect combination of meatspace activity and geekery. Plenty of geeky/artsy types at events like Maker Faire [] , or whatever your local equivalent is.

Re:step one (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415897)

Now THAT is an excellent suggestion. Thank you. I knew there would be one or two gems. :-)

A what? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415855)


Really? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415859)

You could start by not ASKING SLASHDOT...

Was Slashdot This Fucking Lame 10 Years Ago? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416037)

Perhaps it has been so long that it just seems like Slashdot use to be an actual site you could turn to every day and read a nice cross section of laypeople and industry experts discussing interesting technology topics.

Can't all these inane 'Ask Slashdot' - aka Please Give Me Attention!!! articles be done away with?

Just. Fucking. Google. It.

Re:Really? (5, Insightful)

rxan (1424721) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416147)

This is one of those things that a nerd can't ask normal people and get an answer worth two cents.

Ask a normal person how to be social and they'll list a million things that the nerd can't do/doesn't understand/won't get the nerve to go through with. Ask a slashdotter, and while the advice may not be so great, at least the nerd should be capable of doing it.

CL (5, Funny)

madcat2c (1292296) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415863)

Craigslist....choose, but choose wisely.

Learn to dance (5, Interesting)

wonkavader (605434) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415871)

Go to a dance instructor. You've got the money. Pay for lessons. Then go to group dance lessons. Meet people there and then get groups going to dance clubs.

All your problems will disappear.

Unless you're a girl. All the above assumes you're a boy. You're a boy, right? OK, then go learn to dance.

Re:Learn to dance (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415903)

Yes, I am male. I heard that suggestion on the firehose post as well. It's certainly worth following up on.

Re:Learn to dance (3, Insightful)

TapeCutter (624760) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416189)

I agree with the OP, dance class is a great way to meet women an keep fit, I also noticed in your question you asked "where do you meet fellow geeks", I think what you should be asking is "where do you meet people".

Re:Learn to dance (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415955)

International singles clubs, also.

Here in Silicon Valley, I met a lot of interesting women. Foreigners don't know you are a geek, they appreciate guys with a good salary, career prospects.

You learn all sorts of things, e.g. I met Dr. Wang, learned that she was a dentist. Observed that she had perfect teeth. Realized ALL dentists I had ever met had perfect teeth, form, fit and function. Decided my next girl-friend had to be a gynecologist.

Finally married a Russian. We fight about things I could never have conceived of previously, so life is not boring.

Re:Learn to dance (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416019)

Finally married a Russian. We fought about things I could never have conceived of previously, so life was not boring.

Past tense, Hans, past tense amigo.

Re:Learn to dance (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416029)

LOL!!!!! That's perfect!! Thanks for the laugh.

Re:Learn to dance (1)

BLKMGK (34057) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416079)

Well the problem is you may discover, as I did, that you have two left feet! Actually, this was Salsa dancing and while the basic steps were okay and fun when it got more complex I'd have issues remember what was what and when to go where and wow - it was a mess. Still had fun but in the end it just ended up being more frustration than anything else asI tripped all over the place :-( Worth a shot though for others I'd guess!

Re:Learn to dance (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416133)

ditto. Dancing changed my life. Stick with it through the first year.

Here are some ideas... (3, Interesting)

glitch23 (557124) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415883)

If you attend church (fat chance of someone who uses slashdot doing that I know) then that would provide a good starting point. If you have a job then you can maybe organize a get-together after work with the guys. Being that the people are from the workplace, you could probably invite some women and they wouldn't feel as uncomfortable because they know you from work. The cafe' area in a Barnes and Noble might be a good place too. These aren't necessarily geared toward technology but if you are looking for women you basically have to avoid technology anyway.

Re:Here are some ideas... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416157)

except the people you would meet at church would be the kind you don't want to hang out with. Expecially the "good girls". They are geeks, but not in a good way.

Things I have found helpful (5, Interesting)

gonzo840 (1518005) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415889)

Linux groups would be a good bet for meeting more geeks. Something that help me get out of my shell at an early age was a martial arts club. Most times you will find they have a good set of values and a nice sense of community. Also it helps with self esteem. I have found this question to have a snow ball response. Once you start getting out and enlarging your comfort zone things can grow quickly. Checking out events in your area and region with social network sites and local arts events / classes can also go a long way. Approaching new people is easier when you are approachable, be friendly smile make eye contact and most of all simple complements. Oh and getting a 2nd job in a bar will change you for life.

Re:Things I have found helpful (2, Informative)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415941)

That is something I've done, and to be honest, while the LUGs that I've attended (Simi/Conejo is the one I've attended on and off for the past few years) are great and I like the guys there a lot, there is not one female in the bunch. It's certainly a great launching ground and since I've moved to OC I need to find one here, but it's certainly not going to improve my chances of dating very much.

That said, it is certainly a good way to improve one's social life and I should probably get cracking on finding one here. Thanks for a thoughtful suggestion.

LAN parties.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415895)

Search for a local lanparty, you should have plenty in common with folks there. I founded one of the largest in Australia as a university club, and ten years later some of my best mates today I met there.

You won't meet too many girls, but you might build a social network that gets you out and about :)

just wait for the revolution (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415899)

and look for a wall

Re:just wait for the revolution (1)

lactose99 (71132) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415943)

You don't, by any chance, work for the Marketing Division of Sirius Cybernetics do you? (2, Informative)

Al Al Cool J (234559) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415905)

Great way to connect with local people of like minds. (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415957)

Funny you should say that, I just signed up today. Found a good sushi/asian food group, and need to spend a little more time finding some others. Thanks for the suggestion.

Get online! (3, Funny)

cstec (521534) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415907)

There's a wonderful world of people out there, safely screened by the most effective condom of all -- ASCII.

The only place I actually enjoy shopping. . . (4, Interesting)

MagusSlurpy (592575) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415911)

. . . the book store.

Re:The only place I actually enjoy shopping. . . (2, Insightful)

arthurpaliden (939626) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415991)

Books stores and libraries. Female Geek == Librarian. Remember its the quiet ones you have to watch. 25 years and counting.

Relax (5, Interesting)

UndyingShadow (867720) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415915)

First of all, don't talk like you do in your summary. Using overly precise words will freak normal people out (Geeks tend to find it pretentious, as well.) Find a local geek hangout spot, hang back and observe. Smile when something is amusing, laugh when it's funny. Say nothing until you feel comfortable. Do this until you are having a conversation. Repeat conversations until you are invited to activities with people. Repeat until you have friends. But most of all, throw your research away, stop asking Slashdot like you're preparing a technical writeup...and Relax! People are fun.

Re:Relax (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415973)

I see your point, but it's just how I talk. I did not spend any particular time or effort making that up. At one point I tried to simplify my talking and it just ended up being condescending.

outdoors (3, Insightful)

Somegeek (624100) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415921)

Take up an outdoor sport.

If you can find something that you like to do you will meet other people who like the same thing and friendships will develop. I met a future girlfriend while mountain biking...

but of course... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415923)

I hear that 4chan is a great place to hook up. they even have official hook up threads pretty often. And if you can't hook up, you can just swing by the other boards to satisfy your "needs".

Singles events exist. So do cons. (1)

JoshuaZ (1134087) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415925)

Many major cities have bookstores and gaming shops that have regular singles events. Boston's Pandemonium Books for example has a singles night every few months. Also, conventions and similar events are a great way to meet people (whether or not one has any interest due to their gender). However if you are going to cons just to meet people of your interested gender you will a) come across as creepy and b) not succeed. So only go to them if you would enjoy that sort of thing anyways.

The above advice is somewhat narrowly tailored to the geeks who are not just tech people but also geeks in the more general sense of interests. If one is a tech geek but not interested in scifi/fantasy/gaming etc. then you have fewer outlets. In which case, dating websites may be your best bet.

You could also start by... (5, Funny)

MrMage (1240674) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415927)

Not using terms like meatspace. Really. Where are we, the fridge?

Go and do what you love doing... (1)

kawabago (551139) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415929)

That is where you'll find someone to love you. Cheers, Doug

Fellow geeks? (5, Interesting)

GreatDrok (684119) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415931)

Why limit yourself to geeks? I spent years at various Universities trying and failing to meet women and it wasn't until I started doing stuff outside of my normal group that I did. I took up figure skating of all things and met my future wife. Now you may ask why a red blooded male would take up figure skating. Same reason I did cookery at school. No red blooded male would do them so there were loads of females and no competition.

Get out, take up a social activity. A friend of mine in a similar situation took up dancing and ended up meeting lots of girls too.

Re:Fellow geeks? (2, Insightful)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415987)

I like how you think. There's something to be said for finding a niche.

Re:Fellow geeks? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416181)

It's more about not applying a label to yourself and realizing that you are just a human that is, ultimately, extremely similar to most other humans. You might do well to read The Four Agreements and the subsequent two books by the same author.

What do you like to do? (5, Insightful)

cptdondo (59460) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415935)

Some ideas:

If you're unafraid of your klutziness, join a dance troupe. Or a theatre group. You'd be surprised; most such organizations desperately need someone to do lighting and such, and are woefully ignorant of basics. So if you can wire a lightswitch, can follow a script, you can be a stagehand or a technical director.

Volunteer for trail building. OK, this only works if you're an outdoor person, but that's where the sort of women I like hang out. You can build a trail in a local park, get to work next to some really good looking women, and perhaps have something to talk about - especially if you can keep your mouth shut and listen to eco babble about salmon runs and invasive species.


Anyway, find an activity that's not a dating meatmarket. Someplace where your social awkwardness (if such exists) is irrelevant, where you're working toward a common goal, and pretty soon you'll find some fellow tree planter or trail builder or invasive-species puller is asking you to come out next weekend to do something else.

The whole idea is that if you set out to find "fellow geeks" you'll end up in a room full of guys with stilted conversations about geek stuff. If you set out to do something different, and are honest and accepting and funny about your ineptitude, you will meet some really cool people.

Re:What do you like to do? (1)

arb phd slp (1144717) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416093)

Seconded on the community theater. You usually find a 3:1 female-to-male ratio and half of those guys are gay. Hanging out with theater people in college is where I met my wife and I've seen it work for lots of other guys since.

Re:What do you like to do? (1)

arb phd slp (1144717) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416117)

Seconded on the community theater. You usually find a 3:1 female-to-male ratio and half of those guys are gay. Hanging out with theater people in college is where I met my wife and I've seen it work for lots of other guys since.

I just read elsewhere in the thread that you play piano! Yeah. You need to find a theater (although in SoCal you might be around some more serious actors than in the theaters I've been in on the east coast, but it's worth looking into).

Re:What do you like to do? (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416125)

Oddly enough, I did that. Accompanied a community theater at a small town in Iowa a couple of times. It was quite... illuminating.

Didnt find any interesting women, but DID get a 15 year old trying to convert me to Christianity. for an hour and a half. :)

We need to know more.... (1)

VinylRecords (1292374) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415945)

For starters...How old are you? Where do you live? What do you do for a living?

For instance, I'm in my late 20s, work at a giant news organization's HQ, and I live in Queens but work in Manhattan. So getting into a social scene in a place like NYC was extremely easy for me because all I had to do was go out with some people from work a few times and branch off from there.

If you are 45, live in a rural area, and work out of your house...then we have a different problem.

Re:We need to know more.... (2, Informative)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416013)

OK. It's a fair question. I intentionally left those details out because this is not a geek dating site (and it was not a geek dating question) and I really did want to dig up some generic answers to the question. But I'll answer it on this thread.

I'm 33, male, live in Orange County, CA. I'm a Linux systems engineer/administrator by trade, but I'm also a fairly good pianist/keyboardist, like making and hacking on electronic stuff, and have a rather odd interest in jets, trains, and abnormal weather. :-)

My background is a little bit unusual, which is why I'm in a position of not really knowing where to start on this. The suggestions here are very helpful so far, mostly.

Not a matter of where (1) (745855) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415951)

Building friendships and relationships required some skills. Including communication, trust, empathy, listening, and others.

If you're in your 20's and don't have these skills, go see a therapist.


Spend some time working though whatever issues you have and building the skills you need to be balanced and happy.

The rest will come naturally.

Re:Not a matter of where (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416055)

Way ahead of you. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Now I'm on the other side and have to rebuild everything.

Yoga (3, Interesting)

xactuary (746078) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415953)

Yoga. Namaste.

just... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415959)

be freindly and leave your ego at the door. Also go out of your way to meet people so that people know your there - voluntary work tends to be pretty good for that. So in summary; increase your incidence of meeting people while trying to leave as many good impressions as you can (do good and nice things).

If you manage to enjoy yourself while you do these two things (chances are you will) it should take care of itself.

Online dating sites met the "meat space" years ago (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415963)

Online dating is no longer for nerds and social introverts. Everyone's getting on the bandwagon. There are literally hundreds of online meeting/dating sites, ranging from find a friend all the way through to the wildest fetish you could imagine and some you couldn't. There's even a site dedicated to helping guys find "girl gamers". Pick a site that meets your needs, has a fairly strong local population, and preferably some kind of forum which will allow you to converse with like-minded people.

There are some free sites, some that charge on a subscription basis, and some that charge per contact. At the end of the day, paying a few dollars to meet someone is money well spent - you could go to a bar and spend 100 a night buying random people drinks with no effect.

Just read the warnings on the site regarding fraud, harassment, and so on, then write a few creative paragraphs about yourself, a few happy snaps, and away you go!

Opposite gender geeks? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415971)

If you're a college kid, I know there are some opposite gendered geeks there. Also, try going to cons, LUGS and other geek meatings. :D

meatspace (1)

knightghost (861069) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415975) seems to be fairly decent. So does, many cities have singles groups. And more many people here,

two things (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415979)

First, as several people have suggested, join a non-technology related club: ballroom dancing, biking, yoga, painting class, church, etc.

Second start reading the tabloids at the supermarket: Us Weekly, People, etc. It's mostly shallow articles about shallow people, but being able to break the ice with the mutual interest in the club, and then joke about celebrities a bit does wonders for making you seem like a well rounded guy and avoid awkward silences.


When in doubt, volunteer (4, Insightful)

overshoot (39700) | more than 5 years ago | (#28415989)

There are countless organizations that need people who are willing to actually give time to help others. Whether you're tech support, grunt labor, volunteer EMT, phone bank for community hotlines, another adult with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, driving meals to shutins, an aide for local schools, ...

The need is huge, the hands very limited, and the job has awesome fringe benefits: you like the person in the mirror and you work with some people who are willing to stop yakking long enough to actually help people.

Re:When in doubt, volunteer (5, Funny)

cmseagle (1195671) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416183)

Of course, I wouldn't tell them that you're just there to meet chicks. Organizations tend to frown on that. Especially the ones involving kids.

learn to approach girls (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28415995)

You can learn to talk to girls in random places like bookstores, coffee shops, or bus stops.

As a first step, for practice, if a random girl is next to you, say something like "hi" or "how's it going?" or "nice weather today" or "do you know what time it is?" Don't say anything else after that. It's just practice. You're just being friendly.

The key step will be learning to read her vibes in the way she responds. You can tell whether or not she's open to talking more. If she lights up and says, "good, how are you doing?" then you can try saying one more thing. Then you can read her vibes again, and if they remain positive then you can try talking a little more.

Occasionally this will lead to a pretty good conversation that lasts a few minutes. If you're still getting good vibes at that point, try saying, "do you mind if I get your email?" She'll expect this. If she gives it to you, just say thanks and have a nice day, then walk away.

Nerd Fun Meetup (1)

acomj (20611) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416005)

Nerd fun Boston. Its not a singles/dating group but the name is a filter. []

And if you don't meet anyone, you'll at least learn something

(disclaimer: I'm affiliated with said group...)

Church (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416009)

obviously, this option is unacceptable to many.
but my church family has really helped me overcome most of my social awkwardness.

Re:Church (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416063)

but my church family has really helped me overcome most of my social awkwardness.

That's odd, church is the _cause_ of most of my social awkwardness...

If we knew how to do this... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416011)

We wouldn't be here. dumbass.

Re:If we knew how to do this... (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416073)

Self-awareness is a great thing. Anonymity is up in the air.

Move to a foreign country (1)

Rakshasa Taisab (244699) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416017)

I was in the same situation a few years ago. (And it was starting to affect my mental health in ways that couldn't end well)

My solution was; I moved to Japan and put myself in a situation where I was forced to deal with other people to manage daily life, and by trying to learn a (rather difficult) language I had the excuse not to be an excellent at talking with people. This allowed me to gradually build up my verbal communication skills and deal with my paranoia, etc.

This might however been a bit over the top for some people.

this is very important..... (1)

3seas (184403) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416021)

don't ask other geeks....

its like going to a doctor who is fat, asking how to lose weight.... ;)

Re:this is very important..... (1)

Rakshasa Taisab (244699) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416091)

Well, you would rather ask a doctor who's average, but used to be severely overweight. Because you know he's been through the same thing you need to go through, and thus can emphasis better than that doctor that's lean and always did exercise.

Here's how I did it (2, Informative)

imneverwrong (1303895) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416023)

Learned to play the guitar (badly). Learned to dance (just enough to look and feel confident). Learned to cook, and present the output nicely on a plate. Got fit. Ignore any fad diets, the best way is to grab a "Get fit for the army" type poster from your local armed forces office and *follow* it. Went to lots of parties. If you can't get any invites, start some of your own. Relax. It takes time for you to become more personable and socially aware. It takes time for people you meet to know you. Outcome? Epic win. I'm going out with a British model, who is also a programmer!

Relationships for Geeks (3, Informative)

jchawk (127686) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416035)

I met my first serious girlfriend of 5 years on what used to be Yahoo Personals (I think it's still around or it's probably powered now).

My most recent (going on 3 years) girlfriend who I would consider my long term partner I met on I know it sounds lame but finding someone who was smart and shared at least a few similar interests is a challenge especially when your passion is technology.

Might be worth a try?

It takes time to get your posts right before you get responses. The best advice I can give if you try your hand at online dating is share a picture within an email or two, and make sure to meet up in person as opposed to developing a relationship via email first. People tend to be different when you meet them in person. Get out there and go on as many dates as you can. You'll find someone for you.

And people who make fun of you for trying are lonely and miserable and they are just projecting onto you because you're trying to correct your situation!

Good for you!

Re:Relationships for Geeks (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416099)

I expected a certain amount of harassing over this post. I'm a big boy, I can take it.

It's so fucking simple. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416045)

It's so fucking simple. I'll tell a story to illustrate. Years ago, I used to hang out with my former step-brother and his friends. They were/are all legally blind. All socially paralyzed. As they would put it, some were 'print-readers' some weren't. Anyway, I am forever 'scoring chicks' in their book, I was nick-named 'anchor-steen' for some reason. Probably because they weren't 'print-readers' lol. I never enjoyed Anchor Steam beer anyhow. So one day they ask me, 'how do you pick up so many 'chicks''? I tell them it's just like baseball - if you want to hit a home run, you've got to step up to the plate and swing your bat. You may strike out over and over but you are bound to hit the ball at some point. So then they are all for it. I take them out for a night - this was in Carbondale, IL at SIU - hard to fucking strike out but anyway... we walk in and they park themselves at a bar facing a wall....


Science Fiction Convention (1)

dotmax (642602) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416049)

find one. pay for a membership (it's polite). Reserve a room and spend the weekend there. mingle, to to some panels, visit the con suite and room parties. debate the relative merits of Captain Piccard vs. Captain Kirk or is Six hotter than 7 of 9 or whatever is the custom these days. lotsa fun.

Hobby (1)

vantar (1123257) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416059)

Take a hobby you enjoy then find a group/club in your area for your hobby. Look over their calendar and attend one of their events, ideally a new member meet and greet. Talk with the people there about the aforementioned hobby. If the experience was enjoyable, continue attending events hosted by the club, you will learn of many other similar events through them. If it was not enjoyable troubleshot then find a different club and try again taking into account the results of your troubleshooting. This should give you the social experience you are looking for.

Where do you live? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416061)

Where do you live? This is an honest factor. If you live in the midwest, girls tend to like generic douchebags more. Along the west coast and especially northern california, i think girls are much more attracted to nerdy, geeky, or unique people. and by unique i DO NOT mean liberal hipsters!! and by golly are they hot

Re:Where do you live? (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416141)

Orange County.

Back to college? (1)

Calmiche (531074) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416069)

Depending on how old you are, this might be creepy or not. Keep in mind, the later in the evening the classes are, the older the students.

You know, as a geek, you probably have a degree of some kind. As such, you would probably be more than welcome back at university. Apply for enrollment at your local place of higher learning and pick up some interesting classes. If you spin it right, you might even be able to get your employer to pay for it.

Try languages. French, Spanish and Italian are useful and will get you interacting with people. They also work really well to pad out a resume. You will be AMAZED at how many women you will find in non computer/physics/engineering classes. Another good one is ballroom dancing. Comparative literature classes are mostly big discussion groups with a preset theme that any good geek can research. Try some of the phys-ed classes. Fencing is fun and can add to your geek cred. Some schools offer SCUBA diving courses. Art or painting classes are fun.

Of course, with enrollment you also have a free or cheap gym membership. Gyms are not good places to meet women. It's considered a social faux pas. However, it is a good place to meet people to be friends with. There's also usually a student union building with pool tables, bowling alleys and games.

Star Trek Conventions (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416075)

Many nerds, not too good looking and desperate for meat.

Or you first could develop interest in things that are considered to be more attraktive to the opposite sex ... like art, languages, philosophy, etc. and slowly learn how to play the game and look the part

You've made a start! (1)

thecaem (1576787) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416081)

I would recommend to start asking more questions, ask for help and advice, or even just ask for directions some time. You asked a question here, and look how many conversations have been started for you :-)

The Sims (4, Funny)

jollyreaper (513215) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416083)

If you try something and it fails, you can always reload from a previous saved game. If only real life were like that... "Wow, that didn't go over well. ctrl-z! ctrl-z!"

join a club (1)

wizardforce (1005805) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416085)

You might try joining a club of some variety. they are depending on the subject a great place to meet people just as geeky as yourself and frankly they will probably be in a similar social boat too. I met my fiancée at the local anime club and several geeky friends as well.

Just Give Up (3, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416087)

What do you mean the situation is not tenable (i.e. maintainable). If you don't do anything, or if you do the wrong things, the situation will stay as it is---maintaining the status quo is easy as pie.

As to why you should give up, the answer is roughly that you probably don't have anything to offer to women. Firstly, note that only about 40% of men reproduced [] compared to twice that percentage for women (as inferred from mitochondrial DNA), so you're in a man's normal condition.

For some contemporary evidence that women don't need most men, just look around to notice that in general women don't hit on men sexually. Often women will only have sex with men for the first time after large amounts of alchohol. There's no culture where women pursue men instead of vice versa, so this is not merely a fact about western culture. There's also plenty of chemical evidence (e.g. women get testosterone treatment to increase their sex drive).

In fact, scientific studies (tracking eye movements) show that both straight women and straight men are more turned on by a naked women than naked men (see Matt Ridley's The Red Queen [] for a discussion).

Finally, studies usually find that married men are much happier than unmarried men, but married women are usually no happier once the financial contribution of the man is deducted (here [] for example). Furthermore, married men but not women live longer and are healthier.

So anyway, I can see why you want a woman, but in general that's usually a selfish decision for a guy. Why not come to terms with your condition and lead a meaningful life in another way?

Or.. to summarize (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416187)

Bitches are crazy, don't bother.

Join a hobby club, or do a course (0)

syousef (465911) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416105)

Astronomy, R/C cars, boats or aircraft, Linux association. Go to the monthly meetings. Be prepared to put up with some who have less social skills than you. Avoid fiercely competitive clubs like chess clubs.

A technical photography class will give you access to artists as well as geeks.

In Geek Society, of Course (1)

adavies42 (746183) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416113)

Pretty much all the standard geek activities and interests are available in meat-space versions. Are you into anime, science fiction, comics, board gaming, computer gaming, or programming? There's probably a meetup, a store-based community, a club at a local university, and an annual convention for that, all within an hour of you if you're in or near a major city.

I had ads up on those dating sites and no replies (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416115)

Apart from the fake auto-generated responses that come at exactly 1 in the morning starting 14 days before your account is due to expire.

God (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416121)

Technology is one of my passions, but not my life. I found God - the Lord gives me the ability to mingle with society as the techie I am without the fear of what people will think or how they will react...

Join a sports club (2, Insightful)

wvmarle (1070040) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416129)

Join a (sports) club - the most common way to meet people. Real people. And don't worry if you're not that physically strong; join a cards or chess club or so: mind sports are also sports. As geek you probably have the brains for it. And especially when joining a mind sport club you have a good chance there are males and females playing together.

Meeting People (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416143)

Often joining groups or participating in ongoing activities yields quite a few new friends. Sometimes attending a large church with activities for your age group will get you a lot of dates and contacts. Crafting groups also have quite a few female members as a rule.
              Obviously activities that most women avoid will not cause your social life to swell with females. If you want gold head for a gold mine. For example look at how many females volunteer for charity car wash events. Wash some cars and accomplish some good for others and make friends with the girls. How can you go wrong? Doing a lot of dancing can also change your life as the ladies have difficulty finding men who really can dance.

Try therapy (1)

crmartin (98227) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416145)

Seriously. A good therapist can help you by pointing you to the right sources, help you figure out anything that may be behind it. Also, a therapist of the appropriately opposite sex can let you develop some skills in dealing with them in a controlled, safe, way.

Meatspace? (2, Funny)

agm (467017) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416159)

Firstly, don't use terms like "meatspace" in, er, meatspace.

I'm not that much of a geek, (1)

Hawthorne01 (575586) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416163)

although the 20 years I spent playing role-playing games and the fact that I'm on /. on Sunday night would indicate otherwise...


I met my wife of 12 years at church. She's a math teacher, a bigger fan of science fiction than I am, and a strong believer as well.

She's also a hottie.

Look around, and you'll probably find a church that's compatible with your belief system, and most have singles groups of some sort. This is probably not that good of an option if you're looking for quick sex, but you may find a soulmate instead.

And for you Pastafarians, well, there's always Olive Garden. :)

Travel abroad (1)

quax (19371) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416167)

You are immediately perceived as more interesting when outside your own country.

Go outside (1)

ceoyoyo (59147) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416175)

Go outside. No, not into meatspace, outside.

There are people there. Say hi to one. If she's cute ask her what her name is.

Dorkbot, Conferences, Ballroom, Sailing, D&D, (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416191)


If you live in a geek-friendly city, try [] (the idea is not to be social, but to do "Strange things with Electricity", but you meet a lot of artist/geek types and will probably be appreciated for your geekiness in that crowd.

Tech Conferences

Go to technical conferences (e.g., SIGGRAPH, etc.) in areas that interest you (or your own field). Find out what social events are going on at night and join them. You may not meet many girls, but you might meet like-minded geeks. [The TCL conference that I attended one year had the most fascinating group of dedicated people I've ever seen anywhere.]


Take ballroom dance classes. M/F ratio is excellent (in favor of M), and engineer/geek types seem drawn to this activity. You will also learn excellent social communication skills (dance is all about communication) and inadvertently meet girls.


Geeks/engineers seem to be drawn to sailing. There may be relatively cheap sailing clubs in your area.

Dungeons & Dragons

This should be obvious. Even if you're not drawn to the game, you will meet fellow geek types who socialize this way... Sci-fi conventions might afford the same thing, although I have not tried this.

[Most these assume you live in a large-ish city. I'm stuck in a smaller city where most of these don't apply]

You want a friend? (5, Funny)

actionbastard (1206160) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416199)

Get a dog. - Gordon Gecko

SCUBA! (1)

pushf popf (741049) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416203)

Take SCUBA lessons.

If you're lucky enough to have any single girls in the class, you'll immediately have something in common and you'll both be doing something that's fun and that you're both new at, which puts you both on equal footing.

SCUBA is something you can do together when you're not doing the geek-thing, and it's generally done in small groups or just the two of you, so you won't need to deal with every goober on the planet that's "reel gud wit cumpooters" (unlike trolling the bars).

If you don't have any single girls in class get certified anyway, since you'll almost always find them on dive boats, and they usually appreciate a hand with heavy stuff like tanks and weights. As an added bonus, everybody looks like crap when they get out of the water, so female divers aren't generally the stuck-up appearance-obsessed type.

Screw Up. A lot. (5, Insightful)

fortfive (1582005) | more than 5 years ago | (#28416207)

It doesn't matter where you go, or what you do. Just start talking, and when it feels awkward, and people give weird feedback, don't take it personally, move on, and try again. After a while, you'll be person of character, and able to interact meaningfully with everyone.

Sighs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28416209)

Its really very easy: Ask her. That is what I did. It works surprisingly well.

Oddly, it works better the worse you are at doing it. There is something beguiling about the clumsy, shy boy working up the nerve to ask.

And stop that silliness about looking for geek-girls. Look for girls, *then* check for geek status. Geeks come in all stripes.

And finally, ask her. Half the time she'll say no. You can certainly live with those odds.

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