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Robot Invented To Crawl Through Veins

timothy posted about 5 years ago | from the oh-no-not-creepy dept.

Biotech 99

Slatterz writes "Scientists from Israel's Technion University have unveiled a tiny robot, made using Micro-Electro-Mechanical Systems (MEMS) technology, purportedly able to crawl through a person's veins in order to diagnose and potentially treat artery blockage and cancer. The little robot — with a diameter of just one millimeter — has neither engine nor onboard controls, instead being propelled forward by a magnetic field wielded on it from outside the patient's body."

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Robotic aneurysm (2, Insightful)

4D6963 (933028) | about 5 years ago | (#28602203)

I for one welcome our miniature robotic clots!

Anal Vapors Part 1 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602247)

Anal Vapors Part 1

by Drunken Bastard i.e. Brian Shanor

Dr. Jurkov, the world renowned gynecologist sat in his office examining the patient file he agreed to examine because he owed a nonsexual favor (for once) to his brother. This case interested him as they sat discussing it one day, and he decided to take the case just because he thought his brother was full of shit and misinterpreted the results of the tests. That was 6 weeks ago. Today, he believed the outrageous test results which were in front of him as he waited for the patient to show up for her appointment.

A few moments later, he was interrupted from his daydreams of young boy scouts by a knock on the door. His receptionist poked her head in.

" Doctor, your next appointment is in the waiting room."

"Yeah, the nasty bitch with the constipation problem. She's here for her test results. Send her in." As the receptionist went to get the patient, he reached into his pants and pulled a worm out of a festering sore on his penis. "Here comes your mother, you little bastard," he said and ate it with a flourish. He turned around as the nasty woman was shown in. "Good afternoon," he said and held out his hand to shake hers, but thought better of it when he saw her slick pus coated fingers. "Have you been scratching your herpes sores again? I thought we discussed that earlier."

"I'm sorry, doctor, but it felt so good. Uh, do you have my test results?" she asked as she started to lick her fingers. The doctor fought back the urge to help lick her fingers and her crotch, remembering that he actually gave her the disease during a previous appointment.

"Yes... And they are very interesting. Tell me, do you engage in anal intercourse?"

"Yes, especially with this itch."

"Hmmm. I see. Are you, by any chance, bisexual?"

"Yes I like to carpet munch."

"Were you engaging in cunnilingus and ingested menses?"

"Cunni.....what?"

"Carpet munching."

"Yes, and I pulled out a couple of bloody tampons before I started, but I ended up getting a mouthful of tomato paste."

"And you swallowed it?"

"Yes."

"And you took it in the rear and ate bloody fish within 48 hours of each other?"

"Yes. Does this have anything to do with this killer constipation?"

"Oh I think it explains your condition quite nicely. You see, you are pregnant. More precisely, you have a rectal pregnancy. You were impregnated up the anus. I've seen this in porno movies and medical journals before. That is why I had to ask you those questions. This will be the first bowel movement birth I have ever seen. You are going to have a bunghole baby."

"When?"

"Well, you're about 2 months along now. At 8 months, we can give you a laxative to induce labor. The constipation will get worse, but it will feel good to take a birth shit."

"Alright, doctor, I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks."

Six months passed. During this time, the woman came in regularly for examinations. The doctor stopped using his penis and started fisting her on his desk. When he examined her anus, he would trim back her hemorrhoidal tissue and take it home to cook and serve as ravioli. Gradually, his penile worm problem cleared up, but the festering sore remained, so he found a woman who would give him head and suck out all the rancid pus.

When the time to give birth approached, he met the woman as she was wheeled into the hospital. "Ah. So good to see you. How are you feeling?" he asked as he looked over her shit-bloated body.

"It hurts!!! Oh God, IT HUUURRRRTTSSSS!!!!!"

"There. There....There. There.... Nurse! Wheel her into the delivery room."

She was taken to a room, stripped, and bent over a table and strapped into that position. A nurse came and began feeding her bars of Ex Lax and started a Milk of Magnesia I.V. A bit later, the doctor came in to examine her. "Well, let's have a look and see wha....." He was horrified by what he saw. In front of him were two of the foulest bodily openings he had ever seen. One had a crackled pus crust which oozed a rotten smelling blood-streaked pus. This thick syrupy discharge ran down her legs and puddled on the floor. The other orifice was now dilated to three inches from the laxative. A thick curtain of regrown hemorrhoidal tissue partially obstructed the view. It hung down in tatters and had an apparent case of gangrene because the outer parts fell off in chunks at the slightest touch. "Either that's cottage cheese running out of there or you have a yeast infection." He swiped a sample with his finger and tasted. "Yeah, that's a yeast infection alright. Let's have a look in that anus." As he parted the hemorrhoids, a giant rectal room poked its head out at him. "Whoa! What do we have here? Come on out. Wow! That sucker must be 10 inches long. How do you taste?" he asked mainly to himself and bit in. "Hmmmmm. Not bad. These will probably make good fish bait. But if the fish don't like them, I think I'll keep some around to breed in my own rectum and snack on from time to time. Nurse! Collect all the worms you can and bring them to my office. It won't be long before the baby comes. Monitor her and come get me when its time."

"Yes, doctor."

The doctor went back to his office. A short time later, the nurse delivered a bed pan full of the giant rectal worms. He settled in for a worm snack, scotch, and some exciting times with a porno movie and his right hand. Events were just coming to a climax when a nurse came in.

"Doctor, you will go blind and get hair in the palm of your hand if you keep that up."

"That is only a myth. Want to join me?"

"Not today, but those worms do look good. Anyway, it is time for the baby."

"I'll be right there."

"And doctor?"

"What is it now?"

"You have worm pieces stuck in your teeth."

"Thank you. Now close the door on your way out."

Alone again, the doctor rewound the video to where it was before the interruption and finished what he started. Meanwhile, in the delivery room, everything was being made ready for the birth. Her tattered gangrenous hemorrhoids were thumbtacked to the table and Preparation H was applied liberally to her anus which was now dilated to eight inches. Suddenly, a tremendous fart pierced the air. The woman screamed and jerked convulsively and strained with all her might. The breakthrough birth had begun.

"Doctor, it has started," said a nurse as the doctor hurried in.

"Doctor!!!! Help me! It hurts!" shrieked the woman.

"Don't tell me your troubles," said the doctor. "Shit, woman, shit!." And the woman did just that. With a mighty strain she squeezed out another fart which shot runny, blood streaked shitfoam into the air and all over everyone. The cap of a huge turd poked its head out of her asshole.

"Ahh, here it comes," said the doctor. "Quick! Get over here with the camcorder."

With another mighty fart and scream, foam and gas penetrated every corner of the room. The turd poked out to almost halfway and began to slide slowly on its own. More worms fell out onto the floor.

"Quick, nurse! Get a pan and collect all the worms you can."

One more long agonizing scream, a final thunderous fart which shook the windows and covered everything completely with shitulate fudge, and the turd slid on out and fell to the floor. It broke apart, and a baby's cry pierced the fartgas infested air. The baby was covered with rectal worms and even had baby worms in its own rectum. After examination and a few licks, it was determined that the baby was a bouncing baby bunghole boy. The mother was left alone to finish her now raging bowel movement. A bounty of rectal worms swam about in the fecal pool.

Anal Vapors Part 2 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602265)

Later that day, a nurse brought the baby to its mother.

"Is this the bastard that nearly killed me?" the woman whispered.

"Do you have a name for him?" the nurse asked.

"Due to the torture he gave me already, I am calling him Anal Vapors."

Hearing a knock, they looked toward the door. "Hello," said the doctor, "how are mother and little shit doing?"

"She named him Anal Vapors."

"Whatever. Did you...." The doctor stopped and watched with amazement as the women was overcome with a puking fit. As she convulsed spasmodically, foamy blood and mucus poured from her mouth and nose. The doctor walked over to the bed. "Are you all right? Hey there!" he said as he slapped her hard a few times. "Nurse, get Anus Boy out of here and then start a Pepto Bismol enema." However, before anything could be done, the mother convulsed a few more times and with a final heave of stomach contents, died. "Oh well," said the doctor. "I'm not giving her mouth-to-mouth, that's for sure. Too much laxative. She lost 85 pounds giving birth."

An hour later, in the office, the doctor and his receptionist were discussing the boy's fate. "The boy doesn't have any other family, doctor. His father was a drag queen and prostitute who died 3 months ago in a fight over a customer."

"What was his father's name?" asked the doctor.

"Stan the Stud."

"I knew him! I mean, we were acquainted. Oh well. What do I care? Send the little shit to an orphanage. Also, have his mother's body autopsied. I want all of her rectal worms. They are very tasty... to the fish, I mean."

After a week in the hospital, young Anal Vapors was sent to a nearby orphanage. He stayed there for 18 months until he was adopted by a young couple. With them, the boy had a normal, happy childhood until the age of 13. That was when his grandmother died and his grandfather came to live with them. At first, everything was fine. He taught the boy how to hunt, fish, make fart noises, and many other useful boyhood practices. Anal Vapor's mom got a job and left him with his grandfather during the day. During one of these days alone with grandpa, Anal Vapors' life was changed forever.

Anal Vapors was happily playing in the living room with his G.I. Joe toys when he heard Grandpa calling from his upstairs bedroom. "Boy!!!...Boy!!!...Come up here."

Anal Vapors dropped his toys and ran up to the old man's room thinking he had dropped his dentures in the toilet while taking a shit again. "What is it, Grandpa?" he asked breathlessly.

"Come here, boy. I've got an itch for you to scratch." Anal Vapors had scratched the old man's back before, so this did not seem unusual. He started to go around behind the man's wheelchair. "No. Not there. Here." He moved his lap quilt aside and Anal Vapors saw his penis standing up and pointing at him. "Just start scratching around the sack there, boy." Afraid not to do as he was told, the boy obeyed, much to the old man's delight. He groaned with pleasure and started kicking his left leg like a dog. "Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Much better. Now, boy, take off them pants and get on my lap. I'm going to show you a new game. It's called Pack the Shithole."

"I don't want to," said a terrified Anal Vapors.

"Shut up and do it, you simpering little shit, and don't make me tell you again." Reluctantly, Anal Vapors climbed onto the old man's lap. Grandpa grabbed him by the shoulders and picked him up. "That's better. Now, to play, we just do this." He then positioned his dick against the boy's anus and set him down, sliding in."

"Ow!!! It hurts! Stop!!!"

"It will the first few times. Now we move you up and down like you're on a horsey."

"No!! Please!! Stop!!"

"Aren't we having fun?" the old man asked. He moved Anal Vapors up and down faster and faster until finally, he pulled out and fired his wad up Anal Vapors' spine. "Not bad, for a virgin." He threw Anal Vapors onto the floor. "Get out of here, you dirty little shit." Anal Vapors went into his room where only the cold walls could hear his cries and witness his shame.

This began to occur daily. Anal Vapors dreaded to hear his grandpa calling for him. After a few weeks, he stopped going upstairs when nobody was home, but grandpa started tricking him by offering candy or saying he fell and couldn't get up. Soon afterward, the old man started molesting him with various objects, such as bananas, cucumbers, small furry animals, and his favorite item, a broomstick.

Finally, one day, Anal Vapors gathered the courage to confront the old man. "I'm telling mom and dad," he said.

"Go right ahead, boy. They already know. My reason for moving in was to get me some young boy meat." The old man began laughing when he saw Anal Vapors' look of surprise and then shame. As his laughs grew louder, Anal Vapors ran out of the room and took the only option he thought he had. He ran away, vowing to return someday and get his revenge.

Anal Vapors went south and eventually ended up in Mexico. He went there because he knew he would not be caught and returned home. In Mexico, he lived on the streets with other homeless children. And since by now he was accustomed to getting the occasional fudgepack, he started prostituting to support himself. Shortly afterward, he was forced to work for a pimp who beat him and molested him when he did not bring in enough money. After working all night, Anal Vapors was locked in a closet all day and given a diet of horse menses, maggots, and hemorrhoidal tissue trimmed from the anuses of other boys. He was tougher than any of the other kids, so he was the natural target for most of the abuse. He wished many times for death to come and relieve him from his nights and days of living hell.

Anal Vapors lived in these conditions until he was 17. By this time, he was so worn out that a baseball bat could be rammed into his bunghole with no discomfort. Also, he developed a severe case of hemorrhoids just like the other boys. So now, he was providing ass ravioli dinner for other boys. Customers began to complain and something had to be done. So one day, his pimp came up to him and knocked him down and then whipped out his dick and pissed all over Anal Vapors. "You useless piece of shit. You can't even satisfy a sheep any more. You are worthless. Get out of my sight'" he said before turning around and dropping a mushy turd onto Anal Vapors' chest.

And so Anal Vapors decided it was time to return home and give some paybacks and headed north. During his years of torment, the target of his hatred was an old man who showed him a new game. Now he was going to get even.

Anal Vapors Part 3 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602287)

Nobody from home would recognize Anal Vapors as the young nerd who ran away a few years earlier. His greasy seldom washed hair hung halfway down his back. His entire body bore the scars from cigarette burns, whiplashes, knife cuts, and other acts of abuse and torture. He had long dirty fingernails with which he would fondle customers and pick bugs out of peoples' and animals' anuses for food.

Anal Vapors lived off the land as he traveled. His favorite snack was bloodfilled ticks he pulled off the anuses of cattle, horses, and dogs. His best meal came when he found a pregnant cow. He killed her, split her open, and ate the calf fetus and placenta. He topped it off with a deep drink of amniotic fluid.

It took Anal Vapors two months to get home. He arrived at the outskirts of town late in the evening, so he decided to wait until the next day when the old man would be alone. He found a cow barn where he could spend the night. When he went inside, to his delight, he found a large pile of maggot infested afterbirth. After eating his fill, he entered a cow's stall and proceeded to eat her out. While he was doing this, the cow's period exploded into his face in a massive vaginal bloodfart. He wiped the dripping cow menses from his face with his hand and ate it. He then thoroughly licked all the blood from the cow and the stall. Then, completely satisfied, he found an empty stall and slept.

Early the next morning, Anal Vapors watched his parents leave for work. He saw them walk by a yellow ribbon tied around a tree and a sign which read, "We love you, son."

"How sweet," he said to himself. He thought about pulling the sign down and shitting on it but figured to use his shit buildup for better things.

A few minutes later, Anal Vapors was at the front door. He found the house key under the door mat and was quickly inside. "Honey! I'm home," he yelled. No answer. "Hey, you old shitstain, where are you?"

"Who's there? ... Who's there?" came from upstairs.

"You wanna learn a new game?" Anal Vapors asked as he began to climb the stairs.

"Who's there?... I... I have a gun."

"Sure you do ... And I'm going to cut it off and feed it to you." Anal Vapors reached the bedroom doorway and entered. The old man had not changed much. He looked a bit older, of course, but he still sat in that wheelchair with the same lap quilt which had become so familiar to one young boy.

"Who are you? Why are you in my house?" pleaded the old man.

Anal Vapors started toward the old man. "Don't you know me? You made me and its not your house.... Now scream."

"What?" the old man looked confused.

"SCREAM YOU CHUNK OF HORSESHIT!!!" Anal Vapors yelled in the old man's face. He reached over and slapped the old man twice.

"Help!!!! Heeeellllp!!!!!" the old man wailed.

"That's better," said Anal Vapors with a grin. "Now, shut up." He slapped the old man a few more times until the old man was quietly whimpering. "Now, we're going to play a game. It's called Tie the Old Man Up and Kill Him. You like that game?"

"Please," the old man begged. "Don't..."

"I said SHUT YOUR ANUSMOUTH, DUMB ASS!" Anal Vapors slapped him around for a few minutes and then stopped. "I think we'll start with some Pack the Shithole. I'll even use your favorite toy." Anal Vapors left the room momentarily. When he returned, he had the broomstick which his anus had come to know so well. He was going to enjoy this. "Let's play!" he said as he kicked over the wheelchair and shoved the old man onto his stomach. The old man protested loudly, but Anal Vapors didn't mind. In fact, the wails encouraged him. He pulled the old man's pants off and shoved the broomstick deeply into his rectum. Blood began to flow immediately around the broomstick. "You're a little tight, old shit, but I think I'll fix that." He started a rhythmic plunging of the broomstick and moved it faster and faster. After a few minutes, the broomstick broke off with a wet snap in the old man's rectum. "I hate when that happens," said Anal Vapors as he tossed the broken stick aside. "Oh well. Let's find some other games to play." Anal Vapors whipped out a straight razor and cut off the old man's penis. Then he popped out one of the old man's eyes and put it into his mouth. When he bit in, the eyeball made a soft popping sound and eye jelly ran out of Anal Vapors' mouth and onto his chin. When he was finished, he stuffed the detached penis into the empty eye socket. "Hmmmm. This is a fun game, and your eye tasted pretty good," he said and popped out the remaining eye and ate it. The old man's body jerked a few times and then was still. Mercifully, he was dead. Remembering that the old man had emphysema, Anal Vapors cut open his chest and ripped out his lungs and scooped out handfuls of thick brown bloodstreaked pus and ate it. After finishing, he peed on the body and started to leave, but when he got to the bedroom door, he turned around and looked at the remains. "I win," he said and laughed. He left the house never to return.

Anal Vapors Part 4 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602319)

Anal Vapors disappeared into the mountains for a while until the old man's death blew over. He found a cave to live in and only left to find animals to molest and eat. Sometimes, at night, he went down to farms in the valleys and raped cattle and sheep. However, farmers began noticing that their animals were not acting normally. For example, some farmers reported that their cattle were afraid of the dark and long pointed objects. More mysterious was a sudden surge of pregnancies in cattle and sheep in the area. When calves and lambs with human features were born, a widespread scare went through the communities. Searches were made for aliens and other monsters which could explain the strange occurrences. However, no explanation was found because Anal Vapors stayed in the mountains away from search parties.

After several years of this isolated existence, Anal Vapors desired to reenter both society and human species. He was now an adult. He stood well over six feet tall and had a beard which was caked with blood and pus. His long greasy bugfilled hair hung down the entire length of his back, and his long dirty fingernails resembled claws. He began to move about the country, stopping in small towns for short periods of time. He would molest a few kids and pets and do various acts of torture on senior citizens for a couple of weeks at a time and then move on. Everywhere he went, he left a trail of mutilated sexually ravaged bodies and half eaten entrails.

His life had settled into a routine of sorts until one day, something completely unexpected occurred. Anal Vapors fell in love. During his travels, he had wound up in New York. He liked it there because he could rape and pillage in one part of town and walk freely just a few blocks away. On this day, Anal Vapors was walking around scanning for victims when he saw a woman. To him, she was a goddess. Her lumpy pear shaped figure set his heart and genitals on fire. Her hair was black and fully as long and nasty as his. But what definitely caught Anal Vapors' attention was her long dirty fingernails.

"There must be enough under them nails to eat for a week," he said to himself. "I must meet her." Anal Vapors built up a massive belch in his stomach before walking over to her and letting it fly into her face. Spit and food particles coated her now smiling face. He noted with delight that it tasted and smelled like the bloated maggot ridden dog he ate the night before. "Oh! Excuse me, lardbitch," he said with a wink.

"Not bad," she said while sniffing the air and licking the saliva soaked maggot particles from her lower lip. Then she melted his heart with her best rotten teeth smile and blew her breath into his face. Streaks of white ran through his beard as her dragon anus breath hit him. He thought he could smell a hint of afterbirth and hemorrhoidal tissue in that foul wind. She then spat a bloodstreaked lungcooky into her hand and let him eat it from her palm.

"Wow!" he said after finishing. "Who are you, wench?"

"My name is Genitalveve," she said. "Smells like you have a good case of crotch rot, Mr....."

"Vapors. Anal Vapors. And I do have some rotten flesh down there. I think I'm getting gangrene down there."

"Come over to my place and I'll see what I can do for it. And you can see what you can do for me." She took Anal Vapors by the arm and led him home. On the way, he sucked pus from a festering sore on a dog's anus and they shared it during a passionate kiss. When they came to her house, she led him in and pushed him onto the couch. "Wait here until I call for you," she said and then licked out one of his nostrils. So Anal Vapors sat on the couch admiring Genitalveve's kiddy porn paintings on the wall until she called, "Come here."

"Coming," he said. He took a long look at a painting of a boy being molested with a cucumber and then moved toward the bedroom. As he left the living room, his gaze rested on a broomstick standing in a corner. He pushed the bedroom door open and stopped.

"Well, what do you think?" Genitalveve inquired.

Anal Vapors was speechless. On the bed before him, Genitalveve was sprawled on her back. Her clothes were on the floor beside the bed with her menses and feces encrusted panties on top of the pile. Her legs were spread wide apart to reveal her foul vagina. Thick blackened blood oozed out and he counted five tampon strings dangling out. As he watched, a cockroach crawled out and fell onto the bed. He also noticed a cloud of gnats swarming around her rancid crotch. The putrid stench that greeted Anal Vapors' nose made his eyes water and he would notice later that his hair had turned completely white. Only after several days in the fresh air would his hair color return. He then noticed a sign on the wall. "A fart is the cry of an imprisoned turd," he read. "Hmmm. Not bad. So what does the stink that comes from you in waves cry?"

"It means I want you. Tie me up and gore me." She had a look of pure lust on her face.

"Might as well," Anal Vapors said while watching another cockroach fall out her pustulant pussy. "Looks like all types of man and beast have." He went over to her and tied her hands and feet to the bedposts with nylon cord. Her stench was drawing him to her like a magnet.

"Let me have a look at your dick before you use it, stallion," she whispered.

Anal Vapors dropped his pants and showed her his penis which was bent to one side and covered with scars from numerous cuts and burns. When she got her first look at it, she burst out with uncontrollable laughter. "What did you do? Stick it in a blender?" she said and shrieked with more laughter.

Anal Vapors smiled a little and said, "Yeah, I guess it is a little battle scarred." He crawled onto the bed and squatted over her face. "Stick your tongue up my ass, baby."

"Why?" she asked with some more laughter.

"Do it and I'll give you a surprise,' he said. So, she stuck her tongue as far as she could into his asshole. She could feel a worm crawl alongside her tongue and she tasted hemorrhoidal tissue. She barely overcame the temptation to bite in. "OK, here goes," said Anal Vapors. In a flash, he squeezed his anus tight and stood up, ripping her tongue out by the roots. She tried to scream, but all that came out was a bloody gurgle. Anal Vapors walked off the bed with her bloody mass of a tongue still sticking out of his anus. Upon reaching the floor, he pulled the tongue out of his ass and showed it to her. "No one laughs at me, bitch," he snarled while shaking the tongue. She could only answer with more gurgles. As she watched with horror, Anal Vapors ate her tongue. When he was finished, he put on his pants and left the room. He knew what he had to do.

Anal Vapors grabbed the broomstick he had seen earlier and examined it. He quickly decided that it was not suitable for the task he had in mind, but it would be with a few improvements. Through a window, he saw a shed in back which could contain what he was looking for. He went out to the shed and he did find what he needed. He glued some of the coarsest sandpaper he could find around the end of the broomstick and then soaked that end in kerosene. "Now, let's see if she can put out this flame," he said and laughed. He returned to the bedroom to find Genitalveve motionless. At first, he thought she was dead already, but soon discovered that she had only fainted from shock. He took out a match and lit the broomstick. It caught with a loud "POOOOOFFFFFF". Anal Vapors shook her gently. "Wake up, darling. Look what I've got for you." He listened with some satisfaction to her attempted shrieks coming out as bloody gasps for air. "Oh. You're welcome, dear, but don't thank me until it's over."

Anal Vapors viciously raped her with the fiery broomstick. The cruel flame reflected in his dark eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, he was happy. He continued his nasty work until she died and for a long time afterward. After finishing with her, Anal Vapors peed on the body to put out the flames and left. He vowed never to love anyone again. Only his special broomstick could bring him happiness and peace of mind.

Anal Vapors began roaming the countryside and claiming victims with his new weapon of anal destruction. He found a secluded house, broomsticked the owner and family, and called it home. He set up a torture chamber in the basement and started bringing his victims there so he could take his time with each one.

Anal Vapors was truly happy these days. As he stood on the porch watching the sunset, he realized that this was the lifestyle to which he was called. He had a victim tied up downstairs ready to go, and he was deciding what to do to her. Finally, he decided he would pull her nipples off with a pair of pliers and eat them in front of her for a start. Then he would pull all her hair out and shit on her bald raw head. Then, the broomstick would finish the job. He turned, went in, grabbed a pair of pliers, and headed downstairs to fulfill his destiny.
END OF BOOK I ...

Anal Vapors II - Part 1 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602343)

Anal Vapors was bored. His life had fallen into a rut since he had moved into his country home and discovered his inner self through a series of laxatives which quickly turned his inner self into his outer self. He regularly hunted for people to bring back to his house for tortuous games, but even this, his favorite pastime, seemed to bring him no joy. Even his broomstick, it's flame so proud and domineering over vagina and anus seemed to burn with a dim and subdued glow. He was even no longer interested in the nipple collection he had thumbtacked on the walls. Life had fallen into a rut, and it seemed that there was no way out.

One day, while Anal Vapors was moping around the house, occasionally stopping to suck feverish feces from the rats which were threatening to overrun his home, he found an ancient book of sorcery. He picked up the beshitted book and began to look through it. As he leafed through the tattered pages, an idea came to him.

"Holy buttfuck, Batman, this is it!" he told the orally enemized rats. He sat down and continued to read. "'Yours is the power over time, space, and man.' And women, children, and beasts," he said.

Anal Vapors sat reading until well after dark.

He learned of spells and incantations which would transform objects into various things. He turned to a rat, waved his hand and spoke, "O powers that are great and heinous, turn this rat into an anus." POOF! An anus which appeared to be that of a goat or horse now lay in front of him. He looked at another rat and spoke, "O wind which carries the mighty bird, turn this rat into a turd." POOF! A loaf of giant proportions sat where the rat was. Anal Vapors laughed and got up. The need to take a shit overpowered him, so he ran to the bathroom, carrying the book with him.

As Anal Vapors sat and shat, he continued reading. He came to a section which greatly interested him. Fortunately, the incantation required the sorcerer to be "purging the bowels" for it to work. Anal Vapors began to recite, "Powers that be, great and small, stop jerking off and heed my call...."

Suddenly, he was interrupted by a rushing wind which picked him up and slammed him against the ceiling and dropped him. He fell back on the toilet and then slid off, causing the giant loaf looming halfway out of his anus to smear up his back. A giant face appeared above him.

"You dare profane powers beyond your imagination!" the face boomed. "The scrolls require the spoken incantation to rhyme, not offend. You must be punished!" The face emitted a thunderous belch which cracked the walls and warped the floor. Strings of greenish saliva flowed onto Anal Vapors' body and began to eat into his flesh. The foul belch wind blinded him and rendered him virtually helpless. He rolled onto his stomach, and with the last of his strength, squeezed out a rancid fart. Brown, shit pellet-filled foam splattered the face, causing it to wrinkle.

"Very well!" the face bellowed. "You may live." In an instant, Anal Vapors was seated on the toilet, enjoying his dump. The face was now on an old man standing in front of him, leaning on a staff. He looked older than the book, or time itself. He motioned toward Anal Vapors, and the book floated through the air to him. He grabbed the book and watched Anal Vapors for a few more moments before speaking. "You really are a vulgar beast. I did not believe it when the others told me of your previous sorceries with this book, but now I have no doubt. This book binds powers that rule the universe. It is not to be used for such trivial creations. Now, tell me, what were you going to accomplish with that last foolish ranting?"

"I was going to travel back in time a few million years and rape and pillage the dinosaurs. Then I was going to..."

"Enough!" the old man interrupted. "You are much too foolish to keep this book. The one who had it before you feared it too much to use it, but you do not have such wisdom. However, since you did take possession of the book, you are entitled to discover its power for yourself. Considering this, I am going to grant a portion of your last request, and in return for granting you your life, I am keeping this book. I am going to send you back to the times in which this book was written. You will be free to do as you wish when you get there, but be warned, people there will not be as tolerable as they are now. When you wish to return to this time, you will have to go on a quest which will be revealed to you at that time." As Anal Vapors watched, the old man waved his staff at him and mumbled something. Suddenly, a suctioning force from inside the toilet yanked the turd Anal Vapors had been fighting out of his anus. Anal Vapors tried to get off the toilet, but the suction was too great. He looked at the old man, who was standing with his arms folded and a satisfied smile on his face, in time to see him lift one leg and let out a thundering fart. Before his eyes, the old man dissolved into a wisp of brown fartgas which seeped through cracks in the floor and was gone. Anal Vapors continued to struggle against the toilet which now held him prisoner. Then the toilet began to grow. Soon the hole in the seat became too large for him to cover with his ass, so he lost his hold on the slippery porcelain and fell in.

He went under and bobbed back up. He grabbed his giant turd, which was now the size of a torpedo, and held on to stay afloat. The interior of the toilet was now a raging whirlpool swirling around in a flushing motion. Anal Vapors held on to the turd for dear life afloat in a sea which resembled Cracker Jacks suspended in honey. As Anal Vapors swirled around with increasing speed, he looked up and saw his ceiling far above. Then the toilet lid slammed down as its contents flushed out and everything went black.
Anal Vapors II - Part 2

Anal Vapors woke up in the middle of a field. He stood up and looked around. A castle stood at the far edge of the field. Beyond that, mountains loomed in the distance.

"I believe you have forgotten something," said a voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to find the old man holding an object out to him. It was his broomstick, his most valued instrument of torture. He took it, and before he could speak, the old man lifted his leg, farted, and was gone. The only evidence that he was there at all was a shroud of fartgas which quickly dissipated in the gentle breeze.

Anal Vapors started walking toward the castle since it seemed to be the nearest landmark. Soon, he came to a road which was heading in the general direction he was going, so he followed it. The castle was farther off than it had appeared at first, so progress was slow. Finally, he reached a fork where the main road bent left and a path leading directly to the castle was on the right. Anal Vapors took the path, and a short time later he arrived at the castle.

The castle appeared to be abandoned. The drawbridge was down, but it was almost rotted completely away. The moat had gone dry, and Anal Vapors could see skeletons embedded in the mud. The outer wall had started to crumble, and plants had begun growing out of the cracks. As Anal Vapors looked around, he could see that the main road led to a village not too far away. He decided to check out the village before attempting to explore the castle.

On the way to the village, Anal Vapors found a dead dog lying by the road. It had been a large dog in life, and in death, its body was bloated to twice its normal size. Its skin pulsated slightly, indicating that a mass of maggots were churning away inside, and a foul smelling discharge was coming out of its mouth. When Anal Vapors nudged it in the stomach with his foot, the rotten skin gave away, and his boot sank into the soft interior. When he removed his foot, fetid intestines covered with maggots oozed out. Realizing he was hungry, Anal Vapors bent down and grabbed a handful of throbbing entrails and stuffed it into his mouth. It was delicious; the guts melted in his mouth. He quickly went about gobbling up the rest of the carcass. The decaying flesh came apart easily as he tore into the juicy interior.

"You got enough of that to share?" inquired an unfamiliar voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to see a short black man standing nearby looking at him. He had a small flock of sheep a short distance away.

"I don't know," Anal Vapors replied. He pointed to the sheep. "You got some of that to share?"

The man laughed. "I know what you mean. Good pussy's hard to find these days. Not that I have to worry. I could maybe fix you up in return for some food."

"I could live with that," Anal Vapors said. He thrust his hand into the dog and pulled out a lung with the heart and trachea attached and tossed it to him.

"By the way, I'm Horace. Friends call me Rod the Sheep Reamer. Who are you?"

Anal Vapors stopped chewing on the piece of dog bladder he was eating and looked at the man. "You want to know or stay alive?" he asked.

"I'll live," the man replied nervously. He reached over and pulled off a dog leg and they ate in silence.

After the meal, the man led Anal Vapors to his flock. "Pick out whichever one you want," he said. "I got young virgin wool and old loose wool you can crawl inside of." He walked over to a young ewe. "This one here's my baby." In a flash, he had his pants down and off. "I'm gonna break her seal." He went behind the sheep and thrusted his stiffened love club home. Blood burst out of the sheep's vagina as her cherry popped. Anal Vapors watched him service the sheep until climax time, at which he fired a jizz stream onto the beast's hindquarters. He took the tattered sheep hymen and stuffed it into his mouth, looked over at Anal Vapors, and said, "Your turn."

Anal Vapors looked over the flock until he found a sheep that looked desirable. He walked over to the sheep and straddled it in a reverse riding position. Then he took his sandpaper-coated broomstick and rammed it half its length into the sheep's anus. The sheep cried out in pain and tried to get away, but Anal Vapors pressed his knees together to hold it in place. He began to undulate with the stick, ramming it farther in each time. Soon, he was using the entire length of the broomstick. The sheep died a short time later, but Anal Vapors held it upright between his legs and kept plugging away.

Finally, when Anal Vapors was finished, he allowed the dead sheep to fall down. He removed his broomstick from the sheep's gored anus and knelt down and stuck his arm in up to just past the elbow. He pulled out the stomach with a short length of intestine. He put the end of the intestine in his mouth and squeezed the stomach and drank deeply of its contents. When finished, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and said, "Sex always makes me thirsty."

The man, stunned by what he had just witnessed, started to gather his remaining sheep and move on quietly. Anal Vapors turned and started walking toward the village.

"Hey mister," the man called. "Don't go there. It's poison." Anal Vapors did not turn around and kept walking, so the man shrugged his shoulders, finished gathering his sheep, and started in a different direction, thankful to be alive.

When Anal Vapors first arrived at the village, it appeared to be deserted. Then, as he continued walking, he saw an old woman sitting beside a building. She was licking the sores on a mangy dog. When she looked up and saw Anal Vapors, she smiled and winked and started licking a polyp on the dog's anus.

As Anal Vapors continued through the village, he saw out of the corner of his eyes people watching him through windows and doorways. Neither he nor they spoke. He saw smoke rising behind one building and went around to investigate. He found a large pit which appeared to be used for burning bodies. He decided that it would be best to go back to the castle at least for a while to wait for another pile of bodies to build up. Then he would be back.

He arrived back at the castle as the sun was setting. He carefully crossed the rotten drawbridge and was inside. In the gloomy, cobweb-filled interior, he could make out several sets of fresh footprints in the dust. Very good, he thought. At least there was a food supply here. He found his way up to the top level and stood watching the night approach. This place wasn't so bad. He would wait to explore the castle until morning, so he laid down and was soon asleep.

The next morning, Anal Vapors woke up refreshed and ready to explore the castle. He got up and walked over to the wall and watered the vegetation below. After he was finished, he grabbed his broomstick and headed inside to look around.

Some portions of the castle had deteriorated badly. Anal Vapors found several hallways which were blocked due to collapsed walls and ceilings. One such blockage was found at the stairway which led to the lower dungeon. This disappointed Anal Vapors, since he wanted to see what instruments of torture were on hand. In another collapsed section, he saw a skeletal hand poking out of the rubble. As he stood looking at the wreckage, he heard a noise behind him. He whirled around, swinging his broomstick, and struck a boy in the side of the head. The boy fell against the wall with blood pouring out of a cut above his temple. Anal Vapors grabbed the boy by the hair and jerked him to his feet.

"Who are you?" he yelled into the boy's face. When the boy did not answer, Anal Vapors slapped him. "Talk to me, boy or I'll be eating your eyeballs after I slam you up the ass with this." He held his broomstick up for the boy to see. The boy still did not speak, however. Instead he pointed to his throat and shook his head. "Can't talk eh? Well let's see if you can scream when I check if your asshole will accommodate my fist." He pulled the boy over to a pile of rubble, sat down, and put the boy over his knee. He was fumbling with the boy's pants when a rock hit him in the head, temporarily stunning him.

"Run!" another child yelled. The boy got of Anal Vapors' lap and ran. Anal Vapors came to in time to see him disappear around a corner.

"I'll have your spleen, you little shit!" Anal Vapors got up and ran after the boy. He followed the boy through several hallways, down a short flight of stairs, and into a room where there was no other exit. "Come here, I want to show you something," he said as he approached the boy. Then something hit him in the back of the head, and everything went black again.
Anal Vapors II - Part 3

"Where do you think he came from?"

"His clothes are not like any I have seen."

"Does he have the plague?"

"I cannot tell, but we should kill him and burn him to be safe. Don't touch his skin."

Anal Vapors heard the discussion going on about him, but it sounded as if he was hearing it through a long tunnel. He had to be dreaming, since he could not move. Someone walked over and kicked him.

"Wake up, beggar!" a man shouted as he kicked Anal Vapors. "We must talk." Anal Vapors came around slowly, and when he was fully awake, he realized that he was tied up with some strong rope. He looked up and saw 6 people-1 boy, 1 girl, 2 men, and 2 women. The man who kicked him appeared to be the youngest. The boy he had hit now had a piece of cloth around his head. Anal Vapors still had a headache from being hit himself.

The man pulled him up to a sitting position and moved him to where he could lean against the wall and see everyone. "Is it customary in your land to treat people so cruelly?" he asked. "Do you hit and abuse those you do not know or with whom you have no argument?"

"Water...," Anal Vapors replied. A bucket of water was dumped in his face.

"You will answer our questions," the older man said. "We are trying to decide whether or not you should live."

"The little shit sneaked up on me. How did I know that he wasn't going to kill me? I was just protecting myself," Anal Vapors said.

"But yet when you saw that it was just a boy behind you, you still tried to do him great harm. For that, you must be punished."

Anal Vapors smiled at them, shifted to one side, and let loose a mighty fart which was fully a minute in duration. Waves of shitstink emanated from his anus and penetrated every corner of the room. The fire in the fireplace died from lack of oxygen, and everyone in the room began to feel faint. First the women, and then the children fell over unconscious. Then Anal Vapors went over on his side.

"Quick, son, let's get them out," croaked the older man while fighting back a bout of nausea. They dragged everyone except Anal Vapors out. "Let him rot in there," the man said when they were all clear.

As soon as he was sure everybody was gone, Anal Vapors, unharmed by his own fartgas, opened his eyes. Using the wall behind him, he pushed himself to his feet and hopped over to a table, where a large knife was stuck. He sat down on the table and backed up to the knife. A short time later, his hands were free. He then took the knife and cut his leg ropes most of the way through. He put the knife back where he found it and hopped back to his place by the wall. He put his hands behind his back and laid back down and pretended to sleep. They were all going to get a surprise when they returned.

"I think we can go back in now," said the older man an hour later. "It still stinks in there, but I want to go in and finish the business with him. I am not going to allow him to corrupt our home like that again."

Anal Vapors heard approaching footsteps, so he prepared to make his move when he got the opportunity. That opportunity came quickly. As soon as they entered the room, the younger man went directly over to Anal Vapors and grabbed his hair and pulled out a handful. "Wake up, you miserable beast. You..." He had leaned down to where his face was near Anal Vapors' own. In an instant, Anal Vapors had one hand behind the man's head, preventing escape. With the other hand, he poked his index finger one of the man's eyesockets and scooped out the eyeball. He placed his mouth over the empty eyesocket in a perverted kissing position and sucked out a mouthful of brain. The man, who was screaming, suddenly stopped and went limp. Anal Vapors put the eyeball in his mouth and chewed it up with the brain in his mouth. Then he walked over to the younger woman, who was watching him with wide-eyed disbelief, and spat the mixture into her face. The older man went for the knife on the table, but Anal Vapors caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the man, bit his nose off, and threw him against the wall, where he lay unconscious. He went over to the table, got the knife, and approached the women.

"You bitches aren't going to try anything, now are you?" he said after spitting the nose out. "I hope not. That would spoil my plans for you." The younger woman started screaming hysterically, so Anal Vapors slapped her. "You want to keep quiet, bitch." He grabbed the girl. "And I'm going to teach you not to throw rocks." He backed up from the group and lifted his leg in order to launch another oxygen-depriving fart. He delivered and stood back in the doorway, blocking any escape. A short time later, everyone in the room was unconscious from the vile stench of the fart. Anal Vapors went to work tying everyone up except the dead man.

A short time later, the women and children woke up to find themselves naked and suspended by their hands from the ceiling. The dead man had not been moved, and the other man was laying on his back on the table with his hands and feet tied to the table legs. He was not awake yet, but already appeared to be having trouble breathing through the remains of his nose. Anal Vapors was nowhere to be seen.

Anal Vapors was on the roof of the castle watching a nun riding a mule approaching the castle. He had come up here to look down on the village and try to see if bodies were still being burned in the pit. He had seen the nun leave town on the road and became extremely curious when she turned toward the castle. He headed downstairs thinking about how he would entertain this guest.

Anal Vapors entered the room where he had his prisoners. He walked up to the younger woman. "A nun is coming here. Why?" The woman refused to answer. Instead, she spat in his face. Anal Vapors slapped her hard and said, "Let's see if I can loosen your tongue for now." He reached over and grabbed the boy's genitals and twisted, causing him to moan.

"Alright! Stop it. I'll talk," she said. "Sister Mary comes now and then to minister to us and give the children reading lessons."

"Don't you do her any harm," the old woman warned.

"I wouldn't think of it," Anal Vapors replied as he left the room.

He got to the front gateway just as the elderly nun was arriving at the drawbridge. She dismounted and tied her mule to a post and then crossed the bridge. She did not see Anal Vapors until she was all the way across and nearly bumped into him.

"Oh! Hello. I didn't see you there," she said.

"Why, hello sister. It is good to see you," Anal Vapors replied smiling.

"I don't think I know you young man. You just move in with the Grogans?"

"Who?... Oh yeah... The Grogans. Such a pleasant family. I am a cousin. Cousin Anal Vapors."

"What? I don't think I..."

"Get in here, bitch! I am going to sprinkle you with some holy water." Anal Vapors grabbed her and pulled her behind him as he went to a room in a different section of the castle than the one where the family was held. Once in the room, which had been a kitchen, he stripped her and hung her by her hands from a hook in the ceiling. Other objects in the room included an iron pump set in the floor and a giant bellows which was used to stoke the cooking fires. "I found this stuff just a little while ago, and I was going to save it for the others, but I think you are more deserving." He took the bellows over to the pump and filled it with water. Then he inserted its foot-long nozzle into the woman's anus. "You're looking a bit irregular, but we'll fix that," he said. He started squeezing the bellows, forcing water into her rectum. She started to scream. "Oh, come on, baby. You know you want it." He emptied the bellows and pulled it out to refill it. When he did, feces-ridden water gushed out of her anus. "Now we can't have that," he said. He picked up a broken table leg and used it to stop the flow, causing the nun to scream louder. He refilled his enema applicator and returned to continue the enema. Her belly, which had begun to distend during Round 1, bulged even further. Then, her screams were suddenly replaced by gurgles. Anal Vapors looked up in time to see her spit out a few bile-covered turds and then water. Some small turdlets poked out of her nose. Again, he had to stop and refill. This time he jammed in the buttplug, but instead of refilling immediately, he took a piece of her clothing and tied it around her head and under her chin, forcing her mouth shut. He refilled and went back to work. The turdlets shot out of her nose followed by more water. A short time later, the nun drowned and stopped resisting. When Anal Vapors stopped for the next refill, he took some pieces of cloth, wadded them up, and stuffed them into her nose to plug the leaks. Then he refilled and began Round 4. A few moments later, he could hear a low popping sound as her intestines burst under the pressure. Her stomach kept bulging further and began to take on a cone shape with her bellybutton at its peak. Finally, with a meaty plop, her navel split and water gushed through. Anal Vapors went around front and eagerly drank of the bloody water spraying from her ruptured abdomen. After the water fountain died down, he cut down her body down and peed on it because he felt it was the right thing to do.

Anal Vapors II - Part 2 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602353)

Anal Vapors woke up in the middle of a field. He stood up and looked around. A castle stood at the far edge of the field. Beyond that, mountains loomed in the distance.

"I believe you have forgotten something," said a voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to find the old man holding an object out to him. It was his broomstick, his most valued instrument of torture. He took it, and before he could speak, the old man lifted his leg, farted, and was gone. The only evidence that he was there at all was a shroud of fartgas which quickly dissipated in the gentle breeze.

Anal Vapors started walking toward the castle since it seemed to be the nearest landmark. Soon, he came to a road which was heading in the general direction he was going, so he followed it. The castle was farther off than it had appeared at first, so progress was slow. Finally, he reached a fork where the main road bent left and a path leading directly to the castle was on the right. Anal Vapors took the path, and a short time later he arrived at the castle.

The castle appeared to be abandoned. The drawbridge was down, but it was almost rotted completely away. The moat had gone dry, and Anal Vapors could see skeletons embedded in the mud. The outer wall had started to crumble, and plants had begun growing out of the cracks. As Anal Vapors looked around, he could see that the main road led to a village not too far away. He decided to check out the village before attempting to explore the castle.

On the way to the village, Anal Vapors found a dead dog lying by the road. It had been a large dog in life, and in death, its body was bloated to twice its normal size. Its skin pulsated slightly, indicating that a mass of maggots was churning away inside, and a foul smelling discharge was coming out of its mouth. When Anal Vapors nudged it in the stomach with his foot, the rotten skin gave way, and his boot sank into the soft interior. When he removed his foot, fetid intestines covered with maggots oozed out. Realizing he was hungry, Anal Vapors bent down and grabbed a handful of throbbing entrails and stuffed it into his mouth. It was delicious; the guts melted in his mouth. He quickly went about gobbling up the rest of the carcass. The decaying flesh came apart easily as he tore into the juicy interior.

"You got enough of that to share?" inquired an unfamiliar voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to see a short black man standing nearby looking at him. He had a small flock of sheep a short distance away.

"I don't know," Anal Vapors replied. He pointed to the sheep. "You got some of that to share?"

The man laughed. "I know what you mean. Good pussy's hard to find these days. Not that I have to worry. I could maybe fix you up in return for some food."

"I could live with that," Anal Vapors said. He thrust his hand into the dog and pulled out a lung with the heart and trachea attached and tossed it to him.

"By the way, I'm Horace. Friends call me Rod the Sheep Reamer. Who are you?"

Anal Vapors stopped chewing on the piece of dog bladder he was eating and looked at the man. "You want to know or stay alive?" he asked.

"I'll live," the man replied nervously. He reached over and pulled off a dog leg and they ate in silence.

After the meal, the man led Anal Vapors to his flock. "Pick out whichever one you want," he said. "I got young virgin wool and old loose wool you can crawl inside of." He walked over to a young ewe. "This one here's my baby." In a flash, he had his pants down and off. "I'm gonna break her seal." He went behind the sheep and thrusted his stiffened love club home. Blood burst out of the sheep's vagina as her cherry popped. Anal Vapors watched him service the sheep until climax time, at which he fired a jizz stream onto the beast's hindquarters. He took the tattered sheep hymen and stuffed it into his mouth, looked over at Anal Vapors, and said, "Your turn."

Anal Vapors looked over the flock until he found a sheep that looked desirable. He walked over to the sheep and straddled it in a reverse riding position. Then he took his sandpaper-coated broomstick and rammed it half its length into the sheep's anus. The sheep cried out in pain and tried to get away, but Anal Vapors pressed his knees together to hold it in place. He began to undulate with the stick, ramming it farther in each time. Soon, he was using the entire length of the broomstick. The sheep died a short time later, but Anal Vapors held it upright between his legs and kept plugging away.

Finally, when Anal Vapors was finished, he allowed the dead sheep to fall down. He removed his broomstick from the sheep's gored anus and knelt down and stuck his arm in up to just past the elbow. He pulled out the stomach with a short length of intestine. He put the end of the intestine in his mouth and squeezed the stomach and drank deeply of its contents. When finished, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and said, "Sex always makes me thirsty."

The man, stunned by what he had just witnessed, started to gather his remaining sheep and move on quietly. Anal Vapors turned and started walking toward the village.

"Hey mister," the man called. "Don't go there. It's poison." Anal Vapors did not turn around and kept walking, so the man shrugged his shoulders, finished gathering his sheep, and started in a different direction, thankful to be alive.

When Anal Vapors first arrived at the village, it appeared to be deserted. Then, as he continued walking, he saw an old woman sitting beside a building. She was licking the sores on a mangy dog. When she looked up and saw Anal Vapors, she smiled and winked and started licking a polyp on the dog's anus.

As Anal Vapors continued through the village, he saw out of the corner of his eyes people watching him through windows and doorways. Neither he nor they spoke. He saw smoke rising behind one building and went around to investigate. He found a large pit which appeared to be used for burning bodies. He decided that it would be best to go back to the castle at least for a while to wait for another pile of bodies to build up. Then he would be back.

He arrived back at the castle as the sun was setting. He carefully crossed the rotten drawbridge and was inside. In the gloomy, cobweb-filled interior, he could make out several sets of fresh footprints in the dust. Very good, he thought. At least there was a food supply here. He found his way up to the top level and stood watching the night approach. This place wasn't so bad. He would wait to explore the castle until morning, so he laid down and was soon asleep.

The next morning, Anal Vapors woke up refreshed and ready to explore the castle. He got up and walked over to the wall and watered the vegetation below. After he was finished, he grabbed his broomstick and headed inside to look around.

Some portions of the castle had deteriorated badly. Anal Vapors found several hallways which were blocked due to collapsed walls and ceilings. One such blockage was found at the stairway which led to the lower dungeon. This disappointed Anal Vapors, since he wanted to see what instruments of torture were on hand. In another collapsed section, he saw a skeletal hand poking out of the rubble. As he stood looking at the wreckage, he heard a noise behind him. He whirled around, swinging his broomstick, and struck a boy in the side of the head. The boy fell against the wall with blood pouring out of a cut above his temple. Anal Vapors grabbed the boy by the hair and jerked him to his feet.

"Who are you?" he yelled into the boy's face. When the boy did not answer, Anal Vapors slapped him. "Talk to me, boy or I'll be eating your eyeballs after I slam you up the ass with this." He held his broomstick up for the boy to see. The boy still did not speak, however. Instead he pointed to his throat and shook his head. "Can't talk eh? Well let's see if you can scream when I check if your asshole will accommodate my fist." He pulled the boy over to a pile of rubble, sat down, and put the boy over his knee. He was fumbling with the boy's pants when a rock hit him in the head, temporarily stunning him.

"Run!" another child yelled. The boy got of Anal Vapors' lap and ran. Anal Vapors came to in time to see him disappear around a corner.

"I'll have your spleen, you little shit!" Anal Vapors got up and ran after the boy. He followed the boy through several hallways, down a short flight of stairs, and into a room where there was no other exit. "Come here, I want to show you something," he said as he approached the boy. Then something hit him in the back of the head, and everything went black again.

**********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 3 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602367)

"Where do you think he came from?"

"His clothes are not like any I have seen."

"Does he have the plague?"

"I cannot tell, but we should kill him and burn him to be safe. Don't touch his skin."

Anal Vapors heard the discussion going on about him, but it sounded as if he was hearing it through a long tunnel. He had to be dreaming, since he could not move. Someone walked over and kicked him.

"Wake up, beggar!" a man shouted as he kicked Anal Vapors. "We must talk." Anal Vapors came around slowly, and when he was fully awake, he realized that he was tied up with some strong rope. He looked up and saw 6 people-1 boy, 1 girl, 2 men, and 2 women. The man who kicked him appeared to be the youngest. The boy he had hit now had a piece of cloth around his head. Anal Vapors still had a headache from being hit himself.

The man pulled him up to a sitting position and moved him to where he could lean against the wall and see everyone. "Is it customary in your land to treat people so cruelly?" he asked. "Do you hit and abuse those you do not know or with whom you have no argument?"

"Water...," Anal Vapors replied. A bucket of water was dumped in his face.

"You will answer our questions," the older man said. "We are trying to decide whether or not you should live."

"The little shit sneaked up on me. How did I know that he wasn't going to kill me? I was just protecting myself," Anal Vapors said.

"But yet when you saw that it was just a boy behind you, you still tried to do him great harm. For that, you must be punished."

Anal Vapors smiled at them, shifted to one side, and let loose a mighty fart which was fully a minute in duration. Waves of shitstink emanated from his anus and penetrated every corner of the room. The fire in the fireplace died from lack of oxygen, and everyone in the room began to feel faint. First the women, and then the children fell over unconscious. Then Anal Vapors went over on his side.

"Quick, son, let's get them out," croaked the older man while fighting back a bout of nausea. They dragged everyone except Anal Vapors out. "Let him rot in there," the man said when they were all clear.

As soon as he was sure everybody was gone, Anal Vapors, unharmed by his own fartgas, opened his eyes. Using the wall behind him, he pushed himself to his feet and hopped over to a table, where a large knife was stuck. He sat down on the table and backed up to the knife. A short time later, his hands were free. He then took the knife and cut his leg ropes most of the way through. He put the knife back where he found it and hopped back to his place by the wall. He put his hands behind his back and laid back down and pretended to sleep. They were all going to get a surprise when they returned.

"I think we can go back in now," said the older man an hour later. "It still stinks in there, but I want to go in and finish the business with him. I am not going to allow him to corrupt our home like that again."

Anal Vapors heard approaching footsteps, so he prepared to make his move when he got the opportunity. That opportunity came quickly. As soon as they entered the room, the younger man went directly over to Anal Vapors and grabbed his hair and pulled out a handful. "Wake up, you miserable beast. You..." He had leaned down to where his face was near Anal Vapors' own. In an instant, Anal Vapors had one hand behind the man's head, preventing escape. With the other hand, he poked his index finger one of the man's eyesockets and scooped out the eyeball. He placed his mouth over the empty eyesocket in a perverted kissing position and sucked out a mouthful of brain. The man, who was screaming, suddenly stopped and went limp. Anal Vapors put the eyeball in his mouth and chewed it up with the brain in his mouth. Then he walked over to the younger woman, who was watching him with wide-eyed disbelief, and spat the mixture into her face. The older man went for the knife on the table, but Anal Vapors caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the man, bit his nose off, and threw him against the wall, where he lay unconscious. He went over to the table, got the knife, and approached the women.

"You bitches aren't going to try anything, now are you?" he said after spitting the nose out. "I hope not. That would spoil my plans for you." The younger woman started screaming hysterically, so Anal Vapors slapped her. "You want to keep quiet, bitch." He grabbed the girl. "And I'm going to teach you not to throw rocks." He backed up from the group and lifted his leg in order to launch another oxygen-depriving fart. He delivered and stood back in the doorway, blocking any escape. A short time later, everyone in the room was unconscious from the vile stench of the fart. Anal Vapors went to work tying everyone up except the dead man.

A short time later, the women and children woke up to find themselves naked and suspended by their hands from the ceiling. The dead man had not been moved, and the other man was laying on his back on the table with his hands and feet tied to the table legs. He was not awake yet, but already appeared to be having trouble breathing through the remains of his nose. Anal Vapors was nowhere to be seen.

Anal Vapors was on the roof of the castle watching a nun riding a mule approaching the castle. He had come up here to look down on the village and try to see if bodies were still being burned in the pit. He had seen the nun leave town on the road and became extremely curious when she turned toward the castle. He headed downstairs thinking about how he would entertain this guest.

Anal Vapors entered the room where he had his prisoners. He walked up to the younger woman. "A nun is coming here. Why?" The woman refused to answer. Instead, she spat in his face. Anal Vapors slapped her hard and said, "Let's see if I can loosen your tongue for now." He reached over and grabbed the boy's genitals and twisted, causing him to moan.

"Alright! Stop it. I'll talk," she said. "Sister Mary comes now and then to minister to us and give the children reading lessons."

"Don't you do her any harm," the old woman warned.

"I wouldn't think of it," Anal Vapors replied as he left the room.

He got to the front gateway just as the elderly nun was arriving at the drawbridge. She dismounted and tied her mule to a post and then crossed the bridge. She did not see Anal Vapors until she was all the way across and nearly bumped into him.

"Oh! Hello. I didn't see you there," she said.

"Why, hello sister. It is good to see you," Anal Vapors replied smiling.

"I don't think I know you young man. You just move in with the Grogans?"

"Who?... Oh yeah... The Grogans. Such a pleasant family. I am a cousin. Cousin Anal Vapors."

"What? I don't think I..."

"Get in here, bitch! I am going to sprinkle you with some holy water." Anal Vapors grabbed her and pulled her behind him as he went to a room in a different section of the castle than the one where the family was held. Once in the room, which had been a kitchen, he stripped her and hung her by her hands from a hook in the ceiling. Other objects in the room included an iron pump set in the floor and a giant bellows which was used to stoke the cooking fires. "I found this stuff just a little while ago, and I was going to save it for the others, but I think you are more deserving." He took the bellows over to the pump and filled it with water. Then he inserted its foot-long nozzle into the woman's anus. "You're looking a bit irregular, but we'll fix that," he said. He started squeezing the bellows, forcing water into her rectum. She started to scream. "Oh, come on, baby. You know you want it." He emptied the bellows and pulled it out to refill it. When he did, feces-ridden water gushed out of her anus. "Now we can't have that," he said. He picked up a broken table leg and used it to stop the flow, causing the nun to scream louder. He refilled his enema applicator and returned to continue the enema. Her belly, which had begun to distend during Round 1, bulged even further. Then, her screams were suddenly replaced by gurgles. Anal Vapors looked up in time to see her spit out a few bile-covered turds and then water. Some small turdlets poked out of her nose. Again, he had to stop and refill. This time he jammed in the buttplug, but instead of refilling immediately, he took a piece of her clothing and tied it around her head and under her chin, forcing her mouth shut. He refilled and went back to work. The turdlets shot out of her nose followed by more water. A short time later, the nun drowned and stopped resisting. When Anal Vapors stopped for the next refill, he took some pieces of cloth, wadded them up, and stuffed them into her nose to plug the leaks. Then he refilled and began Round 4. A few moments later, he could hear a low popping sound as her intestines burst under the pressure. Her stomach kept bulging further and began to take on a cone shape with her bellybutton at its peak. Finally, with a meaty plop, her navel split and water gushed through. Anal Vapors went around front and eagerly drank of the bloody water spraying from her ruptured abdomen. After the water fountain died down, he cut down her body down and peed on it because he felt it was the right thing to do.

**********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 4 (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602389)

The old woman was dead. The strain of the past few hours was too much for her. She had high blood pressure before, and the stress she felt on this day caused it to skyrocket. This, in turn, was too much for the delicate blood vessels in her bountiful crop of hemorrhoidal tissue. These blood vessels began bursting, one by one, until a profuse flow of blood coursed down her legs. After this started, it did not take her long to bleed to death. The remaining man, woman, and the children mourned her death the best they could under the circumstances.

The low murmur of voices stopped when a blood spattered Anal Vapors entered the room. Without a word, Anal Vapors strode up to the table, climbed on it, dropped his pants, squatted over the man's face, and shat a steaming pile on it. The gooey feces were soft enough to cover the man's face, but not so runny that he could breathe. He could not shake the brown coating off, so he suffocated beneath it. Anal Vapors pulled up his pants when he was done and got off the table. Then he noticed the old woman's condition.

"Hmmm. What a shame. Such a nice old hag," he lamented. He walked over to the fireplace and built up the fire. Then he took the knife out of his waistband and stuck the
blade into the coals. He went behind the old woman and ripped off a chunk of hemorrhoidal tissue and then went over to the table and untied the man, holding his meal in his mouth as he did so. He pushed the body off the table and sat down and ate. The woman and children watched in horror.

After Anal Vapors finished his dinner, he got up and walked over to the woman. He lightly ran his long dirty fingernails over her breasts and was surprised to see her nipples swell and harden. "Is baby looking for a special surprise?" Anal Vapors asked in a husky whisper. He took some ropes and tied them from her feet to rings in the floor. Then he went to his knees. He parted her pubic hairs with his thumbs and let his tongue do its magic. In a very short time, her clitoris was hard and throbbing. He continued his cunnilingual encounter until she was ready to be finished off. Then he reached over and grabbed the knife, its blade glowing bright red. He pressed the blade against her entire vulva, and the woman let out a piercing scream. The aroma of burning flesh and hair became overpowering as her skin beneath the knife fried and bubbled with blisters. When he removed the knife, her entire genital area was a raw bleeding mass of burnt flesh. He looked over at the children, who were trembling and crying, and smiled. "It's getting dark in here," he said. "I think we need to light a candle." He went across the room and picked up a lamp. "These things just don't enough light though." He approached the children and tied their feet down as he had done their mother. Then he opened the lamp and poured some oil into his cupped palm. He applied a generous amount of oil to the boy's genitals and said, "You're my candle, and I'm going to light your wick, and we'll see if you can't talk." The mother and girl started begging him to stop. "The fun's only starting," he said and picked up a sliver of wood burning at one end. He held up the wood so everyone could see and then lit his candle. Instantly, the boy's screams joined those of his mother. His penis turned black and then split like a roasting hot dog. His bag overheated and exploded. The boy passed out from the pain, and a short time later, the candle burned out and its wick fell off like cigarette ash. Anal Vapors watched all this with amusement. "I knew he would talk if he had a reason," he said.

When it was over, he said, "That's one thing I don't like about those candles. They don't last long. Oh well, now its your turn little missy." He picked up his knife and made a cut all the way around the girls' leg at the ankle then he cut the skin up the back of her leg up to her buttock. Her cries of pain and agony were added to the woman's. He repeated this procedure with the other leg. Then he started to peel the skin from her legs. She also quickly passed out from the pain. He continued until both of her legs were completely skinned. He then sat down and waited for the children to wake up.

A while later, the children regained consciousness. Once they did, they started crying and screaming from the pain. With their mother, they made a 3-piece crying/screaming symphony. Anal Vapors looked very happy. "Now, my friends, it's time for my closing act." He got his broomstick from where it was standing in a corner and began to coat it with lamp oil. "This is my best friend," he said as he continued to coat it. "I am going to introduce each one of you to him. Who's first?" He turned an ear to their cries. "I think I'll start with you," he said indicating the boy. "You got me into this mess, and I want your mommy to watch you play with my friend." When he was satisfied with the oil coating on the broomstick, he walked over to the fireplace and lit it. He took this torch, walked behind the boy and plunged his flaming arrow deep into enema territory. The boy, who was already screaming at the top of his lungs, was completely helpless. He screamed until his voice was gone and kept trying anyway. Anal Vapors' broomstick raged in and out of his anus. It burned and tore its way past all barriers, and all too soon, the boy was dead, with a huge bleeding stinking hole where his untampered anus had once been. Anal Vapors continued until the fire on his broomstick went out.

"Who's next?" he asked. "I think it's your turn again, missy. I've even got something to make your playtime extra special." He went over to a jar and opened it and took out 2 handfuls of salt. He went over to the girl and coated her legs with it, giving them their own fire. She continued screaming, since she had not stopped since she had woke up. Soon, her voice was gone and nothing came out but harsh whispers. Anal Vapors recoated his broomstick with oil and lit it. Then his anus-seeking missile found its target on the girl. He got so eager with his broomstick that he rammed it all the way through the girl and out her stomach. She died a short time later, but that did not stop Anal Vapors from working on her until his broomstick went out again.

"You had some good kids there," Anal Vapors said to the woman. He grabbed one of her nipples and tore it off. He examined it for a moment and liked it so much that he tore her other nipple off. Nipples in hand, he went over to the boy's body and stuck them on his unseeing eyes. Then he coated his broomstick, lit it, and went to work on her already burned genitals. It took her a while to die. In fact, the broomstick's flame died before she did. Anal Vapors broomsticked her late into the night. When he finally finished, he laid down in the midst of all the human destruction and slept.

                          **********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 5 (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602605)

The next morning, Anal Vapors woke up completely refreshed and hungry. He got up, scratched his balls, and then picked up his knife. After taking a moment to decide who he wanted for breakfast, he went over to where the little girls' body hung. He stuck the knife into her chest and made a deep cut down to her genitals. Chunks of partially clotted blood and remnants of devastated internal organs fell out and onto the floor. Anal Vapors scooped up various bits and pieces, including a length of intestine and sat down to have breakfast. He was pleased to see that flies were coming in to lay eggs on the bodies. That way, they would bloat and become havens for millions of maggots, which would be enough to keep him fed for a few weeks.

After a satisfying breakfast, Anal Vapors got up and let out a nice long belch to relieve some of the pressure built up in his full stomach. Then he decided to give the town a better look, so he picked up his broomstick and walked outside.

At the drawbridge entrance, he found the nun's mule still tied where she left it. Anal Vapors took his broomstick and rammed it into the mule's side since going for its anus would most likely result in a nasty kick. The mule brayed its protest and turned away from Anal Vapors and nearly took his head off with a kick. Enraged, Anal Vapors left the broomstick in the mule's side and pulled the knife. He proceeded to stab the mule numerous times until it died and fell over, at which time he started using his broomstick to stab it. Then he stomped it, jumped on it, and rolled around in the gory mess, all the time snarling like a rabid dog. Finally, when he tired of this game, he picked up his knife and broomstick and headed for town.

At first glance, the town appeared to be deserted as before. However, some signs of life were seen as Anal Vapors walked past some of the buildings. The old woman he saw before was at the same place , still licking her dog's mange sores. This time, the dog's flesh appeared to be rotting and hanging down in gangrenous tatters. In these places, a thick syrupy greenish brown pustulant discharge flowed freely, and the woman was doing her best to keep all of it licked off the dog. As Anal Vapors walked by, she looked at him, and he could see that her face was also starting to rot and peel. He kept walking and headed in the direction of the burial pit.

On the way to the pit, severe abdominal cramps struck Anal Vapors. He recognized this as the familiar signal that a massive shit was in the works, so he started walking quickly toward an outhouse he spotted. He stepped inside, undoing his pants as he did so. All of a sudden, the rotten floor gave under his weight and he fell through. He found himself submerged chest deep in some of the foulest smelling shit he had ever seen. Just taking in a small breath of this air made his greasy hair stand on end. Upon further investigation, he saw that the shit pool was infested with rectal worms. He could feel them trying to get into his pants and invade his rectum, but since he had a good size herd of his own grazing within the confines of his anal sphincter, he decided to get out as soon as he could. When he climbed out and got outside, he noticed a giant tapeworm wrapped around his ankle and trailing back into the outhouse. He grabbed it and bit it in half and threw it down. He had no way of knowing that by falling into the shithole, he had exposed himself to the deadly virus that was claiming townspeople's lives. He shook the runny shit off like a dog and headed for the pit.

At the pit, there were some people with wagons loaded with bodies wrapped in sheets. They were throwing these bodies into the pit to be burned. Anal Vapors walked up to a wagon, pulled a body to the ground, and started to unwrap it.

"Hey mister, I wouldn't do that," a man warned. "Them people died of the plague."

Anal Vapors looked at him and said nothing. Then he went back to unwrapping the body. The people who were there scattered. "He's going to kill himself and the rest of us," the man said. When Anal Vapors had the body unwrapped, he examined it for a moment. It was a young woman whose face was covered with a green slime. When Anal Vapors pressed on her stomach, more of this fluid came out of her mouth and nose. He leaned over her face and licked it clean. Not bad, he thought, so he rewrapped her body, grabbed another one, and headed home with a body on each shoulder. He decided to come back in a few days for more. Nobody tried to stop him as he left town with his prize.

Once back to the castle, Anal Vapors laid his new additions to his corpse collection on the table. He removed the wrappings to reveal the woman's body and the body of an old man. More of the green discharge had leaked out of them during the trip, and it still oozed out and collected on the table. When Anal Vapors drove his fist into the man's stomach, a fountain of barf/pus shot up and splattered on the ceiling. Anal Vapors was very impressed. He took his knife and cut the man open. All of his internal organs had taken on this odd green tint. He cut into them and found that they all contained the fluid. In the lungs, the green discharge had mixed with the thick lung phlegm. Anal Vapors scooped this out by the handful and had lunch. When he was done, he cut open the woman's body and ate her lung phlegm. By the time he was finished cutting on the bodies, the entire floor of the room had a thin coating of green slime along with various other bodily discharges and debris from the day before. Feeling fulfilled, Anal Vapors pushed the bodies off the table and laid down for a nap.

Anal Vapors had a dream. He was back in the city walking the streets looking for a victim. Then he stopped, clicked his heels together and said, "There's no place like the anus." Next thing he knew, he was jumping up and down on a pogo stick. Oddly, he was not going anywhere and he could hear a suctioning slurping sound, so he looked down and saw that the end of the pogo stick was moving in and out of the anus of a fat retard. He was having spasmodic convulsions which were in time with the pogo stick motion. Then the retard looked back at Anal Vapors, and he could see the retard's oversized tongue pulsating because of a mass of maggots under its surface. As Anal Vapors watched, a large vagina appeared in the retard's back and spewed yeast infected menses all over him. The menses that covered him turned green and started to burn. He opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out but more green menses. Then the retard farted and Anal Vapors burst into flame and exploded.

Anal Vapors woke up shivering. The light in the room was getting dim, indicating that he had slept for several hours. He went over to the fireplace to build a fire and found that he was beginning to feel weak and feverish. He ate the children's bladders for dinner, but he still felt weak, so he laid back down for some more tormented sleep.

Several hours later, Anal Vapors woke up burning with fever and severe abdominal cramps. He knew he was not going to make it far before the shit began to fly, so he went over to a corner in the room to satisfy the demands of his distended colon. He barely got his pants down in time before his raging case of the dribbling shits began. A large loaf was propelled out of his anus with great force by the shitfluid behind it. All Anal Vapors could do was remain in his squatting position while this projectile shitting took place. The aroma de la shit in the room was becoming unbearable, and Anal Vapors noted its resemblance to the shitstink in the outhouse where he fell. After a few moments of this, the shit spread in an ever-widening pool around Anal Vapors. When he looked down at it, he could see that a green color was beginning to show up. This worried him, but he was powerless to stop the force he had unleashed from his anus.

A while later, the excretory outpouring finally began to subside. Anal Vapors stood up and stretched his stiff limbs and allowed the diminishing anal outflow to run down his legs. He pulled up his pants and sloshed through the mucky mess, which was about an inch deep everywhere in the room, over to where the untainted bodies hung. One by one, he cut them down and carried them out of the room and up the short flight of stairs and dropped them in the hallway. He decided to stay there so he could vent his corruption in the already befouled room. Who knew? Maybe he could create a swimming pool.

Anal Vapors made several more trips to the room to let his weeping anus seek relief. The fluid level in the room rose to 2, then 3 inches, where it was finally deep enough to smother the fire in the fireplace. His fever continued to get worse as time went on. His shit steamed as it flowed into the sea of fecal madness. In his steadily weakening state, he knew he had to eat, so over the course of the next 24 hours, he completely devoured the remains of the 3 bodies he had salvaged. It was all to no avail. The faster he ate, the faster he shat. The floor was soon covered to a depth of 6 inches. As the sickness got a greater hold on him, Anal Vapors began projectile vomiting large amounts of shit/barf/pus. There really was no difference.

Anal Vapors lay at the top of the stairs, letting his body dump this putrid liquid into the room. The level was up to 10 inches when he spotted his broomstick standing in a far corner. Sensing that the end was near, he got up with the last of his strength and waded through the shitvomit which was infested with rectal worms displaced from their natural habitat. He got halfway across the room when he felt his heart stop its tormented beating and the world started to get dim. His eyes fixed on his beloved broomstick, Anal Vapors fell into the green sludge which greeted him and covered him. Anal Vapors was dead.

                            **********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 6 (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602621)

Years went by. For a long period of time following the death of Anal Vapors, a horrid stench radiated from the castle. It was so bad that all vegetation surrounding the castle was killed, and if anyone ventured too close they were likely not to survive. As the plague raged on, the survivors came to view the castle as an evil place and the source of their neighbors' suffering. The population of the town dwindled to a few hardy souls who were not affected by the plague or the evil wind coming from the castle.

More time passed and so did the plague. The intensity of the stench coming from the castle also diminished with time, so people started to repopulate the poisoned land. The castle was still regarded as an evil place, mostly because of the fact that a nun had gone there and never returned. In fact, people feared the castle so much that no one went near it, and the owner of the property was so afraid of it that he would not have it torn down in fear that the wickedness within would be angered and cause another plague. Livelihoods and families were gradually rebuilt and young and old alike knew that to go near the castle or in it meant certain death.

One spring day, a young woman was out walking along the road. She had come out to pick some flowers in the meadow near the trail that lead to the castle. She looked at the castle as she walked, wandering what had made it such a bad place. She had heard the story about a demon coming into town and carrying away bodies of plague victims, but she had not decided how much truth was in the story. Staring at the castle, she had become hypnotized by its mystery and was much closer to it when she came out of this semi-trance than she intended.

The gang of highway robbers watched with interest as the woman drew near. They laid flat on the gentle hillside near the castle and had their horses tied around the side of the hill where they would not be seen. The woman was walking straight toward the castle, staring at it as if it had her under its power. When she stopped and looked around in confusion, she was between the gang and the castle.

"Let's go get her," said one of the men. "I ain't had a woman in so long that my third leg's forgot what one feels like."

The leader nodded. "Yeah. Sheep and goats are good for a while, but I got some catching up to do. She came out here to do something. We'll wait until she starts doing it, then we'll sneak up on her." So they watched and waited.

The woman was feeling nervous about being this close to the castle. No one could tell when a ghastly creature was going to come out and attack anyone who happened to be too close to its home. She was just about to turn back when she saw some of the most beautiful flowers she had ever seen. She went over and picked one and sniffed it. The flower had the fragrance of a well executed dog fart. Delighted, she breathed deeply of its essence, which made her giddy with joy. She ran, she skipped, she danced in this wonderful meadow. Then she laid down and lifted her dress and pressed her hand to her wet lips. She was really hot down there and felt as if she might cum any minute. She let her fingers do the walking, and in a few moments, release came. She licked away the love juices from her hand and got up. That was when she noticed 5 men surrounding her.

"That looked mighty good to me," said the gang leader. "How about you guys?" They ass nodded and the circle tightened. The leader dropped his pants, exposing his penis standing at attention. One of the men pushed her close enough to him that he was able to grab her by her hair and push her to her knees. "Now suck me and suck me good, or else." When he tried to maneuver his cock into her mouth, she clamped her jaws tightly together. The man shook her head violently back and forth. "None of that. If you want to get back home safe and sound, you're going to suck me and all the boys. And you're going to suck us good. Now, SUCK!" Again, he tried to put his dick in her mouth, and this time, she took it. "That's a good girl." He started moving his shaft in and out of her mouth, putting it farther in each time. Finally, he made her swallow his full length. That was what she was waiting for him to do. She bit down and severed his cock at the base. Blood spewed out of her mouth as it deflated. The leader screamed in pain and fell over clutching his evacuated crotch. The woman spat his detached member onto his chest and ran past him, which happened to be toward the castle. Get her!" the wounded leader cried, but none of them moved. They were already closer to the castle than they liked, and they were not going any closer, so they stood and watched their fallen leader writhe and scream in agony. "Go get her, or I'll do to all of you what she did to me," he said through gritted teeth. Reluctantly, they ran after her.

The castle was her only chance. She knew no one would follow her inside, so evil or not, the castle would provide safety from the highwaymen. She could hear them shouting and running after her, so she ran faster. The castle loomed large and forbidding as she got closer. Its walls were badly crumbled, and all that remained of the drawbridge was a single wooden beam crossing the moat. When she reached the remains of the drawbridge, she stopped for a moment and looked behind her. The men were still chasing her, so she went across the wooden beam as quickly as she could and entered the castle. The men ran up to the drawbridge and stopped.

"I'm not going in there," one of them said. "Any of you?" The others shook their heads. "You know he'll kill us if we don't."

"Let him go in there and be damned," another said.

"He's hurt bad now, so why don't we finish him before he gets us killed?" asked another man.

The man who first spoke thought about it for a moment, and then said, "Alright, here's what we'll do. We'll go back and tell him she went in there. He'll try to make us go in after her. We all say no, and if he don't like it." He made a cutting motion across his throat. That seemed like a good idea to everyone, so they went back.

The castle did not seem to be so scary once she got inside. It was dark and gloomy inside, but now it was just an old castle instead of a sanctuary for evil. As quickly as she could, she went up to the roof and stood in the very spot Anal Vapors once stood, and watched the men go back to their fallen leader. She watched as a fight broke out, and the leader was stabbed numerous times by his followers. When he was dead, they went back to the place where their horses were tied and rode away.

When the woman could no longer see the men, she went downstairs. She was going to leave the castle, but then decided against it. To leave the dark and mysterious castle without first taking a look around would be wasting a great opportunity. So she wandered through the hallways to see what was there.

First, she found a skeleton hanging in one of the rooms. She entered the room to get a closer look and saw some clothes which appeared to be nun's clothing lying on the floor. She walked up to the skeleton and began to caress the bones. As she did so, she began to get hot again. Soon, she again felt the need for orgasmic release. She pulled the skull off and began kissing it passionately. She flicked her tongue into the eyesockets and the nose hole, and then parted its jaws and plunged her tongue deeply inside. There were some small bugs inside which covered the invading tongue and bit it. Startled, she stopped kissing the skull and swallowed the bugs on her tongue. She was more horny than ever now, so she dropped the skull and pulled off a bony hand. Up went her dress. Down went her underwear. She rubbed a bony finger against her clitoris and shuddered with delight. Then she pushed 4 skeletal fingers into her vagina and the thumb up her ass and worked her clit with the other hand until her orgasm filled her with ecstasy. She licked her juices off the bones and cast them aside. Then she straightened up her clothes and continued exploring the castle.

Then she found the room with the dazzling green floor. It was the color of jade and made the room look brilliant. She went in and began dancing on the magnificent floor. On her way around the room, she happened to look down and see a face staring at her from inside the semi-transparent floor. This startled her at first, but then she became curious. She got down on her hands and knees to get a closer look. The man appeared to be resting peacefully in the floor. When she took a look around the rest of the room, she found 3 other bodies encased in the floor. She could see that these bodies were not in as good a condition as the first one. Suddenly, inspiration struck her and she ran out of the room.

A few minutes later, she returned with a pick she had found in a room that at one time was a storage area for tools. She lifted the pick high above her head and brought it down on the floor beside the body. Some chips flew up and a half-inch hole remained.

She worked until the light began to grow dimmer. When she stopped for the day, the body was almost free from its tomb. She left, planning to return the next day to finish her excavation. On her way home, she stopped where the dead robber's body was and picked up a souvenir.

The woman was not able to return to the castle for 2 weeks. The townspeople, who had heard of the attack and her escape to the castle, thought she was crazy. Surely, no one in their right mind would go willingly to a place where monsters that would suck a person's life out through their asshole lurked. When she got to the castle and checked on the body, she saw that mushrooms had sprouted on the exposed flesh. She quickly pulled the fungal mask off his face and finished digging him out. When the body was free of its prison, she stood back and admired it. She stared at his long dirty fingernails. Oh the magic they could do! She could feel her genitals heat up, and the need for the exploding release of her orgasm rose within her. She ran out of the room to find her bony toys.

A few minutes later, the woman returned covered with sweat and missing her underwear. Now it was time to try to revive the corpse. She squatted over his face with her long ass hairs tickling his nose and squeezed out a high pitched fart. A light spray of brown droplets splattered his face. Then a trace of color slowly crept into his skin. This was a good sign. She worked his stiffened mouth open to admit air and squatted over him again and positioned her anus firmly on his mouth. This time, she strained out a larger fart. His cheeks bulged out and some of the rectal wind leaked out, causing her ass hairs to flutter. She stood up, allowing him to exhale and continued her anus-to-mouth resuscitation. After a few more trials, the man coughed and opened his eyes. Anal Vapors was alive!

**********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 7 (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602627)

Anal Vapors sat up and looked around. His eyes stopped on the woman. "Who are you, bitch?" he asked roughly. A coughing fit overcame him, causing him to expel green powder out of his mouth.

"You shouldn't talk yet," she said. "My name is Hortense. I found you buried in the floor and brought you back to life."

As Anal Vapors listened, he licked the buttfudge from his lips and stood up. When he did, dizziness overcame him, and he sat down.

"Don't stand. You need to gain your strength first. I'll fix you something to drink." She left the room and returned with a cup. First, she vomited a thick brownish syrup with chunks of partially chewed food suspended in it into the cup. Then she lifted her dress to show him the crop of festering boils on her buttocks. She squeezed one and it shot a load of yellowish white pus into the cup followed by the marble-size core and then blood. "Here," she said, handing him the concoction. "First, chew up the boil core. Then wash it down." Anal Vapors picked the core out of the remedy and held it up. He squeezed it between his thumb and forefinger, and it collapsed. He could see a black spot in its center. He put it in his mouth and chewed it up and swallowed. It tasted like a salty egg white. Then he drank all of what was in the cup and waited. At first, he felt nothing, but as time passed, he could feel heat in his stomach. As he sat there, he could feel the heat spread through his body and his strength return.

After a few more moments of rest, Anal Vapors again stood up. This time, there was no dizziness. Once he was sure he was going to stay up, he did what came naturally when he woke up in the morning. He pushed his encrusted pants down and was going to perform his ritualistic ball scratch when he saw a huge mushroom engulfing the tip of his penis. Too shocked to speak, he went ahead and scratched his sack. The skin disintegrated on contact and a rotten nutsack odor filled the air. One of his testes fell out and rolled across the floor.

"Don't touch it!" Hortense warned. "Wait until your body comes fully to life. And leave that mushroom alone. I'll take care of it later."

Anal Vapors sniffed his hand and smiled. "Want a sniff?" he offered. Then, thinking better of it, he sniffed deeply again and began to eat the rotten scrotum flesh from under his fingernails. Watching him do this got Hortense hot in a hurry. She lifted her dress and showed him her thick bush with blood-tainted juices dripping and running down her legs. Anal Vapors stopped what he was doing and looked at her with interest.

"Like what you see?" she asked. Without a word, Anal Vapors went to his knees in front of her and began navigating his way through her bushy tangle. When her pubic hairs were straightened out, they were over 4 inches long. Straightening them out would be a major task though. Dried menses had her hairs molded into a furry chastity belt. Only small openings revealing her clitoris and vaginal opening were visible. A thick fecal odor almost but not quite covered the scent of her foul womanhood. Anal Vapors started ripping out pubic hair by the handful to get a clear view of her oval office, causing her to scream in pain and delight. A short time later, her pussy was accessible with fresh blood welling out of the torn pores. He parted her freshly exposed labia and stuck his tongue into her jizz receptacle. She moaned in anticipation of her orgasm.

Something was not right. Anal Vapors' tongue felt something inside her vagina that should not have been there. He reached in with 2 fingers and pulled out a decomposing penis. It was her trophy from the assault. When Anal Vapors held it up for her to see, she took it and ate it, chewing slowly and showing Anal Vapors the train wreck in her mouth before swallowing it. Anal Vapors went back to work and her orgasm bathed his face a few moments later.

Hortense came daily to nurse Anal Vapors back to health. He, in turn, would satisfy her ravenous sexual appetite. He did not do anything to harm her simply because he could not remember who or what he was. Therefore, they had a harmonious relationship, and Anal Vapors gradually regained his strength and health.

One day, when Hortense was not there and Anal Vapors was taking a nap, he had a dream. In it, he saw a cow with a wooden staff protruding from its vagina. As he watched, the staff seemed to come to life and caught on fire. It started to move and twist and tear its way deeper into the cow. Anal Vapors blinked and looked again. The cow had turned into a pregnant woman lying on her back. The staff was attacking her womb. It broke into her placenta and amniotic fluid gushed out steaming from the flame. Then, her stomach burst open to reveal a roasting fetus shrouded in burning afterbirth. The staff tore it all apart until nothing was left but smoking chunks of scorched baby meat. Anal Vapors felt himself moving toward it and saw his hand reach out and pick up a piece of barbecued baby. Then he ate it and discovered that it tasted very good. The staff seemed to watch with approval, and when he had eaten, its flame went out and it jumped into his hand.

Anal Vapors jerked awake. The memory of the dream was fading quickly, but he had the feeling that the staff was vaguely familiar. This feeling was so strong that he could not get back to sleep, so he got up and started walking around the castle. He felt drawn to the room where he was encased in the floor, so he went in and stood by the hole where he had lain and looked around. There! In the corner, with its end embedded in the floor, was a broomstick that matched the staff he saw in his dream. Hortense had tried to pull it out of the floor, but it was solidly stuck. Staring at it, Anal Vapors walked over to the corner and touched it. A bolt of electricity raced through his body, and he gripped it and pulled his Excalibur free. Anal Vapors lovingly rubbed his fingers over his sandpaper-coated friend. In a rush, all his memory came flooding back and he remembered who he was.

Hortense returned the next evening. When she found Anal Vapors, she was about to burst with cheer. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out. "For some time now." It was hard to tell because her flab made her body shapeless.

"You lie, bitch. Your twat had blood all over it when I first saw you."

"Oh. That was dried, and also I had a little something in there, remember? It's been 5 months since anything of mine came out."

Anal Vapors smiled. "Well I'm real glad to hear that." He walked over to her. "Lets' celebrate." He tore off her clothes and stood her against the wall. "I want to show you something," he said. He picked up his broomstick with its fresh coating of lamp oil and lit it. Her eyes opened wide with terror as he approached. "Turn around, baby. This ones going up the ass." She turned around and flexed her buttcheek muscles. Her multitude of boils popped and shot their cores at Anal Vapors. Some of them went into his eyes, blinding him temporarily. She ran out of the room and left the castle. Anal Vapors followed as soon as he cleared his eyes.

Fortunately, the moon was bright enough for her to see as she ran across the field as a shortcut to the road. When she looked back, she could see Anal Vapors and his fiery staff chasing her. She was almost to the road when she tripped on a rock and fell. Anal Vapors caught up.

"Now, I'm going to make a dream come true," he said. And he did, because she was indeed pregnant.

**********To Be Continued**********

Anal Vapors II - Part 8 (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602637)

In a large house in town, an old man restlessly paced the floor. He stopped when his servants walked in. "Have any of you seen Hortense since yesterday evening?" he asked.

"No, my lord," answered a maid. "I saw Miss Hortense when she ate lunch and did not see her again."

"I saw her leave late yesterday afternoon for that accursed castle, my lord," said a gardener. "She has been going there almost every day for nearly a month."

"My God, man! Why did you not inform me of this sooner?" the old man asked.

"Begging your pardon, sir. Miss Hortense told me not to mention it to anyone. She made me promise, sir."

"I will deal with you later. Now, all of you, get out. And you," he said while pointing to the maid, "Tell Syphil I wish to speak to him." She nodded and left. He resumed his pacing.

A short time later, a young man entered the room and said, "You wanted to see me, father?"

"Yes, Syphil. Your sister, Hortense, did not come home last night. She has been going to that damned castle."

"Oh, dear me!" replied Syphil.

"Indeed. I want you to take some men and search for her around and in the castle if necessary."

"Right away, father." He turned to go.

"Hold it. Before you go," his father said as he unbuckled his belt. "Drop your pants, son. I wish to molest you. It was Hortense's turn this morning, but she is not here. Besides, she is going to have my baby, and I was going to have to find someone else anyway." Obediently, his son complied, and when it was over, he left to begin the search with a stretched asshole and a tacky moistness in his crack.

It did not take the search party long to find the mutilated corpse lying a short distance from the road near the castle. Her eyes were missing and a length of her intestines had been used to tie a bow in her hair, but Syphil still recognized the body of his late sister. He left the men to pick up the pieces and went to tell his father the news.

The old man was still pacing the floor in his study when Syphil arrived. The look on his son's face was all the old man needed to see for him to know. In a rush, warm strawberry colored urine flowed down his legs, and he sank to the floor and rolled in the puddle. Syphil hurried over to comfort him, and the old man grabbed his shirt.

"Tell me," he said with surprising strength.

"She was horribly mutilated, father. We found her, what was left, near the castle. There was a trail of blood leading back to it."

"The castle! Are you sure?"

"We did not follow the trail all the way to the entrance, but there was no doubt."

The old man got up. "Come sit down and let's have a drink. I have a story to tell."

When they were seated, the old man wrinkled his nose at the rancid piss odor in the room and on him and began his story. "I should have had that place torn apart a long time ago. The evil that lurks there has been dormant for many years, and we all hoped it was gone forever, but now I see it is still here. My memories of it began when I was a small boy living here in this very house. The plague had already taken many people, and before it was over, it would also take my mother and father. There were too many dead to put in the cemetery, so they were thrown into a pit to be burned. We could not do anything else. To eat them or have sexual congress with them was death. One day, this man came to town. He had come from the castle. Later, it was discovered that a nun from the convent had gone to the castle to minister to a family and had not returned. The family was also never seen again. He came to town and carried away bodies of plague victims. A few days later, this horrid stench came from that place. The devil himself must have been feasting on those bodies. The smell lasted for many years, but it finally went away. Now, its cause is back and the curse will be upon us again if he is not stopped."

His son, who had been listening intently, said, "I know of a warrior from the east. We could pay him to kill this man, if that is what he is."

"Send for him. Quickly," his father replied.

Three weeks later, the old man was in his study when his son entered and said, "The warrior is here. Come out and see him."

They went outside and saw a giant man devouring a large basket full of afterbirth. When he saw them, he stopped eating and watched them. A mixture of amniotic fluid and partially clotted blood dribbled down his chin.

"It is a good thing that the cattle have just given birth," said Syphil to his father. Then he spoke to the giant. "Hello. We are the ones who sent for you. What is your name?"

"I am called Gonad the Barbarian," said the giant.

"Good," said the old man. "We have someone we want you to kill and bring us his head."

"I do not work for free," said the barbarian.

"Of course not. You will be handsomely rewarded when the job is done. See that castle? The one who lives inside is who I want dead and his body shat upon."

"Come out to the castle at sunset tomorrow if you wish to see me do it," replied the barbarian.

"Very well," said the old man. "Servant! Bring this man some more afterbirth."

Later that day, Gonad the Barbarian went to scout the area around the castle. As he was crossing a pasture, he saw a nasty looking man kneeling over a fresh steaming pile of cowshit. As he approached the man, he could see him carefully plucking rectal worms out of the dung and eating them. Then the man saw him and grabbed a wooden staff and stood up to meet him.

"Hail, peasant," said Gonad. "I bid you good day." Anal Vapors eyed him warily and said nothing. "I have a question to ask, and then you can go back to your lunch before it gets cold. Do you know of the man who lives in the castle?"

Anal Vapors continued to stare at Gonad, but finally he spoke. "Who lives there? Maybe spirits. Maybe something that will tear you a new asshole. Maybe nothing. I don't know. What's your business there?"

"I am going to kill whatever lives there. But before I do kill him, I am going to cut his arms off piece by piece and watch him scream. Then I will cut his heart out, show it to him and shit in his empty chest before he dies." He paused and then added, "Give me some of those worms."

"Here, take them. You'll need them more than me," said Anal Vapors. "I must be going. You won't come out of that castle alive, so I will bid you a pleasant journey to the afterlife." He began to walk away.

"After I come out of the castle, I am going to drink your stomach contents," Gonad replied. Anal Vapors continued his retreat, so Gonad sat down and finished off the worm pie.

When Anal Vapors arrived back at the castle, he spent the evening preparing for battle. He sharpened his broomstick to a fine point and immersed its end in oil to let it soak. Then he sharpened his knife to a razor edge and shaved off the hair around his anus and trimmed off his hemorrhoidal tissue so he could shoot out an unrestrained jet of fartgas in a concentrated stream. After that came an engorging meal of beans and bran to produce a bubbly rectal foam. When he was finished making his preparations, he laid down for a refreshing sleep.

The next day dawned bright and clear. The sun came up to find Anal Vapors atop his fortress watching for the coming attack. He was fully prepared for battle and ready to transform into a killing machine. As he waited, he munched on the hemorrhoidal tissue he had cut off the previous evening.

Late in the afternoon, the attack came. Anal Vapors saw the barbarian running across the meadow toward the castle. Earlier, Anal Vapors had destroyed the remnants of the drawbridge, so there was no way for anyone to get in, so Anal Vapors felt secure. However, when the barbarian was close enough to the castle, he let a mighty fart which vaulted him into the air and on top of the castle. Anal Vapors' own bowels growled in anticipation as he faced his opponent.

"You!" Gonad exclaimed. "Now I will have to crush your sack between 2 bricks!"

"You will have to live first," said Anal Vapors. In a single quick motion, he turned his back to Gonad, dropped his pants and lit his broomstick in the campfire. Then he relaxed his sphincter and released a spray of hot foamy fartgas. This searing hot jet of anal fury engulfed Gonad and raised blisters on his skin. When his anal outpouring began to diminish, Anal Vapors swung his flaming broomstick around and lit the cloud. Gonad was barely able to dive out of the path of the resulting blue-green mushroom cloud of rectal fire before it could burn him to a crisp.

"Not bad," said Gonad as he got up. "But you will have to do better than that." He turned around and bared his ass and unleashed his own fart of gigantic proportions. His fart and its suspended turd pebbles knocked Anal Vapors flat against a wall and put out his broomstick. Anal Vapors fell down, temporarily stunned, and Gonad approached him. When he stood over Anal Vapors, he drew his sword and raised it.

Anal Vapors, who had been only pretending to be stunned, saw his opportunity. He picked up his knife and swung it, splitting the barbarian's nutsack. Gonad's namesakes dangled freely against his inner thighs and bloody sperm ran down his legs. Anal Vapors then planted the knife to its hilt in the barbarian's side. With a howl of pain, Gonad dropped his sword and grabbed his damaged genitals.

Anal Vapors went for his broomstick, but before he could get it, Gonad grabbed him and started choking him. As Anal Vapors fought back, he saw his knife sticking in the barbarian's side, so he grabbed it and started to twist it. At first, Gonad did not seem to notice, but finally, his grip relaxed and Anal Vapors pushed him away while pulling the knife out. Gonad staggered and fell down, so Anal Vapors grabbed his broomstick and relit it.

"I said something might tear you a new asshole, and I think I will," said Anal Vapors as he came toward the barbarian. He pushed Gonad over onto his side and rammed his fiery broomstick into the knife wound. Gonad howled again as the scent of burning hair and flesh filled the air. Before Gonad died, Anal Vapors was able to create several new assholes in him. He continued until his broomstick went out and the body was a scorched ruin. As a final insult, he shat on the corpse and took the barbarian's sword and cut off his head and held it up to admire.

At that moment, the old man, who had come to witness the barbarian's victory over the evil that dwelt in the castle, looked up from the meadow and saw Anal Vapors holding up the severed head of another victim. This was too much for the old man. His blood pressure shot up, and his hemorrhoids popped like water balloons. Clutching his heart in one hand and his anus in the other, he sank to the ground dying. The last thing he would see in this world was the setting sun glinting off of Anal Vapors' greasy hair. Anal Vapors was invincible.

**********************

THE END.

M-A-S-T-E-R-P-I-E-C-E! Mod Parent Up!!! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602973)

Moderators, I beg of you. Please read the entire story before you mod down such a work of art. I think that this deserves a Pulitzer Prize at least if not two or three. Please take this into grave consideration as I believe it to be paramount to the continuation of this great author's works of art. American society--assuming that the author is indeed American--needs more literature like Anal Vapors if not just by the sociological example of the main character, Anal Vapors, but moreover for the overall encompassing allegory of Mr. Vapors and the average American and what he can truly become.

Thank you.

Moderators! Please read parent! I AGREE!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28603107)

Mod parent up and fork out a few pulitzers..i mean, hey, how hard could that be??

Re:Anal Vapors II - Part 8 (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28603467)

TLDR

Re:Anal Vapors II - Part 8 (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28605267)

Are you in a computer lab with separate IPs for each machine? Just the act of posting that shit was incredible.

Hats off to you.

Re:Anal Vapors II - Part 8 (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28606427)

Nope, had different shell accounts. I have access to lots of labs too but that requires actually walking into one...

Re:Robotic aneurysm (2, Informative)

interkin3tic (1469267) | about 5 years ago | (#28602297)

Not offtopic. The blurb article mentions only that it would be magnetically controlled. Maybe that's their entire plan for keeping it from clogging the tubes (blood, not the internet). It very much seems like it could cause aneurysms, clots, strokes, heart attacks, and whatever it was Tony Stark had in the recent Iron Man movie.

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one in comic books.

Re:Robotic aneurysm (1)

somersault (912633) | about 5 years ago | (#28605263)

and whatever it was Tony Stark had in the recent Iron Man movie

It can cause shrapnel to get embedded in your chest?

Re:Robotic aneurysm (1)

Golddess (1361003) | about 5 years ago | (#28625063)

Depending on how strong the magnet is that moves it....

Re:Robotic aneurysm (2, Interesting)

JordanL (886154) | about 5 years ago | (#28602451)

Anyone remember "Inner Space"?

Heh... couldn't help but think of that movie while reading.

Re:Robotic aneurysm (2, Interesting)

Tubal-Cain (1289912) | about 5 years ago | (#28602503)

Fantastic Voyage
Both of them.

Re:Robotic aneurysm (5, Funny)

Nutria (679911) | about 5 years ago | (#28603055)

Fantastic Voyage

Who could forget Raquel Welch???

Both of them.

They were both very beautiful.

Re:Robotic aneurysm (1)

Muad'Dave (255648) | about 5 years ago | (#28606675)

I read the book when I was a kid. I thought the patient's name, Benes, was pronounced "Beans" instead of "Ben-ess". I still have the phrase "But we'll kill Beans!" floating around in my head. They said it every time they were going to do something remotely dramatic, so it and phrases like it got used a lot [script-o-rama.com] .

Re:Robotic aneurysm (1)

faichai (166763) | about 5 years ago | (#28604907)

Of course.

It seems that finally my desktop wallpaper will become a reality - see:
http://www.povcomp.com/entries/128.php [povcomp.com]

A work of pure genius!

Re:Robotic aneurysm (0, Offtopic)

Blublu (647618) | about 5 years ago | (#28603503)

Imagine a Beowulf cluster of those!

OMG (0, Flamebait)

lessthanpi (1333061) | about 5 years ago | (#28602255)

Jewbots!

Definition Of A Robot (4, Funny)

nick_davison (217681) | about 5 years ago | (#28602281)

has neither engine nor onboard controls

Doesn't a robot traditionally have to have some form of self controlled motion? From the description, this is just a human etch-a-sketch.

For what it's worth, I've also created the robotic sport of the future. It consists of a round, air filled bladder. This robot has no motor control of its own but it can be moved by applying forces with your foot. I intend to patent this and make a fortune. No one will play regular soccer once they can play robo-soccer.

Re:Definition Of A Robot (1)

QuantumG (50515) | about 5 years ago | (#28602361)

From the crappy article its hard to tell..

Re:Definition Of A Robot (1)

russotto (537200) | about 5 years ago | (#28602685)

So it's a waldo. Picky, picky.

Re:Definition Of A Robot (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28603613)

"Small piece of spiky metal" more accurately describes it. From the (admittedly vague) article, there's no mention of any powered equipment actually on the 'robot'. It seems to work like a grass seed - backwards pointing hairs plus contact with something firm yet pliable plus vibration equals forward movement.

Re:Definition Of A Robot (1)

tygerstripes (832644) | about 5 years ago | (#28606075)

It's just a very small PIG [wikipedia.org] . "Robot" is indeed a massive overstatement.

I predict that ... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602309)

there will be a number of robot jokes being made from this point forward, all in the same vein.

Re:I predict that ... (1)

dgatwood (11270) | about 5 years ago | (#28604011)

Awwwwwww. That is truly terrible....

Re:I predict that ... (3, Funny)

interkin3tic (1469267) | about 5 years ago | (#28604783)

They can't patent it because there's prior artery.

I think I pulled a muscle on that reach...

Re:I predict that ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28605779)

I suspect the relevant part of your anatomy doesn't have muscle

Re:I predict that ... Veins and arteries not (1)

davidsyes (765062) | about 5 years ago | (#28610413)

withstanding, i don't want those little buggers ANYwhere NEAR my ass... Or, I WILL take the name of thy bot in vain...

And the first test subject will be... (1)

rwyoder (759998) | about 5 years ago | (#28602325)

...Martin Short.

Re:And the first test subject will be... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28603031)

na, why kidnap a well known guy when there's Palestinians to do inhuman test on, it goes with the inhuman concentration camps they're in.

what's really perverse is that their grandparents were treated the same way by the germans. that is a perversion of nature.

Re:And the first test subject will be... (2, Interesting)

Nutria (679911) | about 5 years ago | (#28603159)

Palestinians to do inhuman test on, it goes with the inhuman concentration camps they're in.

These "camps" you speak of look a hell of a lot like cities.

http://community.webshots.com/photo/fullsize/2892931020089791706gjXfOM [webshots.com]

Re:And the first test subject will be... (0, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28604073)

Palestinians to do inhuman test on, it goes with the inhuman concentration camps they're in.

These "camps" you speak of look a hell of a lot like cities.

http://community.webshots.com/photo/fullsize/2892931020089791706gjXfOM [webshots.com]

yeah... looks serene...

"http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/01/scenes_from_the_gaza_strip.html" [boston.com]

Re:And the first test subject will be... (1, Insightful)

PHPfanboy (841183) | about 5 years ago | (#28605259)

Fuck you hater. Israelis did not put Palestinians in concentration camps.
The Arab countries put them in UN refugee camps and deny them freedom of movement, freedom of occupation and citizenship.
You can compare that with how Israel treated refugee Jews from Arab countries.
I'm not saying Israelis are saints, but at least get your basic facts right.

Re:And the first test subject will be... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28606421)

Will the regilious nuts PLEASE speak up. Jihad line forms to the left.

We are the Borg... (3, Funny)

plasmidmap (1435389) | about 5 years ago | (#28602339)

Resistance is futile.

Re:We are the Borg... (1)

mcgrew (92797) | about 5 years ago | (#28613543)

Tell me about it! [slashdot.org]

Arteries and Veins (3, Interesting)

PleaseFearMe (1549865) | about 5 years ago | (#28602351)

The summary confused me, so I looked it up, and it is true. Veins bring blood towards the heart. Arteries bring blood away from the heart. I always thought blood flows pretty fast, so the robot would need quite a bit of magnetic force to go against the blood friction. If it finds a clot, can it ram its way through like a battering ram? That would be cool.

Re:Arteries and Veins (1)

harley78 (746436) | about 5 years ago | (#28602707)

I'd wager that since blood flows one way "they" could just put it upstream of whatever needed looking at. I'm assuming, since IDRTFJA that the magnetic force is used to attract the 'bot body "back" towards the vein/artery wall after gliding with the blood for a bit. The landing gear on the 'bot probably has micro-hooks on their tips.

Re:Arteries and Veins (1)

PleaseFearMe (1549865) | about 5 years ago | (#28602889)

Oh yes, that is a good idea. Going perpendicular to the field results in no force. Unhooking it would need the magnetic field, though. It is always interesting how people use the environment to supplement the necessary tools for the robot to do its job. Hard to see, but delicious when seen.

Re:Arteries and Veins (1)

harley78 (746436) | about 5 years ago | (#28603147)

ok, guess my scale was way off....don't steal my idea...

Re:Arteries and Veins (2, Funny)

jamesh (87723) | about 5 years ago | (#28602989)

If it finds a clot, can it ram its way through like a battering ram? That would be cool.

You know what would be cooler? Tiny little sharks with tiny little fricken lasers.

Re:Arteries and Veins (1)

value_added (719364) | about 5 years ago | (#28604045)

The summary confused me, so I looked it up, and it is true. Veins bring blood towards the heart. Arteries bring blood away from the heart.

Your post confused me. The "bring blood away" construct is an oxymoron at best, or a dangerous medical condition at worst.

Carry on.

Re:Arteries and Veins (1)

vrmlguy (120854) | about 5 years ago | (#28605721)

The summary confused me, so I looked it up, and it is true. Veins bring blood towards the heart. Arteries bring blood away from the heart.

Arterial blood is under high variable pressure due to the beating of the heart. If you get a cut in one, the blook escapes so fast it can't clot. Veins, on the other hand, have low constant pressure. If you get a cut, it scabs over and heals. Thus, veins run just under the skin, and arteries are located deep in your body, meaning that injecting something into a vein is both safer and easier that injecting it into an artery. Given those facts, I'd guess that the device is inserted into a vein and then guided through the heart and into an artery.

I always thought blood flows pretty fast, so the robot would need quite a bit of magnetic force to go against the blood friction. If it finds a clot, can it ram its way through like a battering ram? That would be cool.

Ramming its way through is probably a great way to get stuck, leaving you in worse shape than before. Personally, I'd worry about the thing getting stuck even without the ramming. I prefer Stereotaxis's approach [stereotaxis.com] , where the doctor could, in an emergency, pull it out by hand. If you don't want to follow the link, Stereotaxis uses a catheter with a small magnet at the tip. You're basically inside an MRI machine and two big magnets are used to make sure the catheter takes the right branch as the arteries divide into ever smaller vessels. When the doctor's done, the catheter is used to retrieve the probe, a process that continues to work if there's a computer crash or power failure.

A second advantage is that you don't need even larger magnets to pull the device backwards against the current when the procedure is done, or if you made a wrong turn at an arterial branch.

A third is that you don't have backwards pointing "hairs" sticking into the sides of your blood vessels. Ouch.

WTF (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602419)

So this has all the functionality of a 1mm steel ball bearing.
What will they think of next?

Muppet Babies had this 20 years ago (1)

kbrasee (1379057) | about 5 years ago | (#28602459)

Shoot, they could even shrink themselves and travel through the body in their tiny shuttle.

Re:Muppet Babies had this 20 years ago (1)

vrmlguy (120854) | about 5 years ago | (#28603429)

Shoot, they could even shrink themselves and travel through the body in their tiny shuttle.

Yeah, but did they have Raquel Welch [google.com] with them?

Re:Muppet Babies had this 20 years ago (1)

kbrasee (1379057) | about 5 years ago | (#28603509)

Yeah, everyone knows that Raquel Welch was the nanny.

Re:Muppet Babies had this 20 years ago (1)

mattack2 (1165421) | about 5 years ago | (#28603483)

I suuuure hope you're joking. "Fantastic Voyage" did it more than 20 years before that.

Re:Muppet Babies had this 20 years ago (1)

kbrasee (1379057) | about 5 years ago | (#28603549)

Not joking. Fantastic Voyage was so ridiculously unrealistic and over-the-top I couldn't stand it. Muppet Babies, on the other hand, got everything right, and did it with flair that not even Raquel Welch could match.

How is that helpful? (3, Insightful)

Tubal-Cain (1289912) | about 5 years ago | (#28602461)

How does a robot moving though one's vein "diagnose and potentially treat artery blockage"? Wouldn't it need to be traveling though the arteries to do that?

Re:How is that helpful? (2, Informative)

Ian Alexander (997430) | about 5 years ago | (#28602541)

Since arteries feed into veins I suppose an arterial blockage could cause problems in veins. But I think it's just a bad summary and when the author wrote "veins" they probably meant vessels in general.

Re:How is that helpful? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602979)

Scientists from Israel's Technion University have unveiled a tiny robot, made using Micro-Electro-Mechanical Systems (MEMS) technology, purportedly able to crawl through a person's veins in order to diagnose and potentially treat artery blockage and cancer.

The problem is that the arterial blood leaving the heart gets out onto smaller and smaller vessels, then finally through capillary (Latin for hair-sized, like way less than a millimeter) vessels before the process is reversed and the capillaries feed the blood back (in the veins) toward the heart.

So the only realistic thing that can be done is to start in a vein where the path forward (at least insofar as it's driven by blood flow) is getting larger. Otherwise it's clog time. Unless, of course, the mag field control allows the robot to be driven backward against the blood flow.

Starting from the capillary end of the system, through the veins and heart, then back out through arteries and eventually back to the capillaries, it's like a river system. The Mississippi starts in various place as little creeks, which tributaries eventually join to form the main body of the river, which then terminates at the Gulf by spreading out into smaller and smaller dis-tributaries, thereby forming the much wider delta.

Enough for now -- I'm off to RTFA.

Tomorrow morning, first thing, I'm going to offer them my trademark "PacMan" (reg. US Pat. Off.) to use as the name of their device.

Hmmm -- captcha = shirker.

Re:How is that helpful? (1)

GreenTech11 (1471589) | about 5 years ago | (#28602913)

From memory veins run parallel to arteries, so it would not be hard to scan both at the same time. The advantage of veins is that they have a slower rate of blood flow, this means that the magnetic force is more likely to be able to hold the 'bot in position.

Zomg it's... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28602623)

the magic school bus!

Re:Zomg it's... (1)

kbrasee (1379057) | about 5 years ago | (#28603577)

Bah, Magic School Bus just stole that episode from Muppet Babies, almost line-for-line. It made me disgusted with humanity, and for a short time, physically ill.

Re:Zomg it's... (1)

mcgrew (92797) | about 5 years ago | (#28613473)

God, I haven't seen that since my kids were little. Patty? Is that you?

All the fun of Meth... (2, Funny)

MBCook (132727) | about 5 years ago | (#28602729)

All the fun of meth with none of the side effects! Great!

no... wait...

It's the other way around.

Re:All the fun of Meth... (2, Funny)

TubeSteak (669689) | about 5 years ago | (#28604603)

All the fun of meth with none of the side effects! Great!
no... wait...
It's the other way around.

All the fun of side effects with none of the meth?
That sounds terrible!

The easy part is putting it in... (1)

ben2umbc (1090351) | about 5 years ago | (#28602915)

.... but you don't want to see how they take it out.

Wonder what new procedures will be possible (2, Insightful)

ShooterNeo (555040) | about 5 years ago | (#28603161)

Interventional cardiologists and other physician specialties already use a veritable swiss army knife of tools on catheter tips. You already can feed all sorts of balloons and stents and scrapers and other tools into the body by pushing them into place with a catheter. This "robot" is moved around with a magnetic field rather than a plastic filament.

I wonder what new techniques and procedures this will make possible...and if the incremental improvement in outcomes will actually extend lifespans any...

oh what fun (4, Funny)

Jafafa Hots (580169) | about 5 years ago | (#28603315)

They do something wrong with the magnetic field for a second, lose track of it, it gets carried to your brain and you stroke.

Not realistic? Well, when you've had a catheter yanked out of you without having had the balloon deflated first like I once did because the nurse fucked up, you'll learn to expect these things. A golf-ball sized object pulled through your urethra tends to leave a memory.

Re:oh what fun (1)

kbrasee (1379057) | about 5 years ago | (#28603603)

I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard.

Re:oh what fun (4, Funny)

Jafafa Hots (580169) | about 5 years ago | (#28604041)

lemme tell ya, I wasn't the same for a few weeks. She grabbed my dick in one hand, tried to pull the tube and when it wouldn't come, she wrapped the tube around her wrist and pulled harder.

Re:oh what fun (1)

TheSpoom (715771) | about 5 years ago | (#28605131)

Err... medical malpractice, much? I hope you didn't have any permanent damage.

Re:oh what fun (1)

coolsnowmen (695297) | about 5 years ago | (#28609181)

if it stretched out his urethra enough there might be some advantages:
--Kidney stones are a breeze to pass
--He can empty his bladder in 5 secs flat
--A place to put things...

Re:oh what fun (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28605203)

Oh sweet baby jesus, that's the most nastiest thing I've seen on the internet since Goatse. And lemonparty. And JarSquatter.

Holy Firehose, Batman! Did you hear that scream?!? (1)

rts008 (812749) | about 5 years ago | (#28605685)

Egads!
That hurts all the way across the internet!

A golf-ball sized object pulled through your urethra tends to leave a memory.

That may be the understatement of the year in my books!

You have my sincere sympathy. Damn!

Re:Holy Firehose, Batman! Did you hear that scream (1)

Jafafa Hots (580169) | about 5 years ago | (#28606647)

well I was in the hospital for weeks after getting hit by a truck.. shattered pelvis, skull fracture, internal injuries... honestly though it was memorable it was no where's near the most painful thing I experienced.

Re:Holy Firehose, Batman! Did you hear that scream (1)

dintech (998802) | about 5 years ago | (#28607793)

Dare I ask what the most painful was?

Re:Holy Firehose, Batman! Did you hear that scream (1)

funwithBSD (245349) | about 5 years ago | (#28608123)

The bill.
   

Re:Holy Firehose, Batman! Did you hear that scream (1)

Jafafa Hots (580169) | about 5 years ago | (#28615355)

I'd say its a tie between learning to walk again and withdrawal from demerol.

The barium enema wasn't much fun either though.

Re:oh what fun (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 5 years ago | (#28608959)

How does it get past the brain barrier?

Oh, you were a patient that had an incident in an unrelated procedure? why, I guess that makes you an expert~

Re:oh what fun (1)

Jafafa Hots (580169) | about 5 years ago | (#28615389)

hey I'm just having fun here.

So ok, lets say it goes into a lung instead.

Re:oh what fun (1)

coolsnowmen (695297) | about 5 years ago | (#28609245)

The magnetic field for powering is simply enough that direction is unimportant, so they currently don't need to localize/track it.

Anyone ever heard of Sterotaxis? (2, Interesting)

vrmlguy (120854) | about 5 years ago | (#28603333)

So how is this different from this [stereotaxis.com] ? Oh, yeah, there's no way to retrieve the robot if it gets stuck.

By some amazing coincidence (1)

tjstork (137384) | about 5 years ago | (#28603639)

Just in time for our robotic fighter of fat clogged arteries, McDonalds is now rolling out a collection of 1/3 pound burgers to compete with the likes of Hardees. McDonalds may have well made the best fast food mushroom and swiss burger of all time. Now if only I could get a 44oz soda with that!

Robot, save me!

Malfunctions? (3, Insightful)

srothroc (733160) | about 5 years ago | (#28604035)

I hope it doesn't malfunction and get stuck or something. All you need in that situation is a nice mechanical clot...

ObWil (1)

michaelmalak (91262) | about 5 years ago | (#28604091)

Didn't Wesley Crusher already invent this?

MRI (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 5 years ago | (#28605023)

Once they're done they do an MRI to extract the robot. Gotta love magnetism

Medical Nanorobots (1)

physburn (1095481) | about 5 years ago | (#28605931)

Since we've been dreaming of medical Nanorobots since Rachel Welsh got my (grand)dad hot in Fantastic Voyage. The above robot is hardly the first, nor likely the robot to get into common use. This a by now a small industry on Medical Nanorobots and on how to control or use them, for instance this this paper on Medical Nano Robot [foresight.org] Control from my Nanotech Feed [feeddistiller.com] @ Feed Distiller [feeddistiller.com] .

Re:Medical Nanorobots (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 5 years ago | (#28609007)

Are you implying that when you watch fantastic voyage Raquel Welsh isn't hot? Are you gay?

Sweet (2, Insightful)

KWarp (1556259) | about 5 years ago | (#28605943)

Israel invents some pretty incredible stuff.

Stereotaxis anyone? (1)

Static-MT (727400) | about 5 years ago | (#28607527)

Why use a robot when you can use natural magnets!? Check out Stereotaxis. [stereotaxis.com] It's amazing what this company has pulled off in cath labs already.

Re:Stereotaxis anyone? (1)

Static-MT (727400) | about 5 years ago | (#28607609)

OK, sorry. Redundant.

This is not a robot (1)

wonkavader (605434) | about 5 years ago | (#28608353)

This is a part. Like a lock-washer. I suspect it won't be used in robots, either, but rather will be moved by a person with a magnet.

Everything gets called a robot, these days. If I buy my six year old nephew a crappy remote controlled car from Radio Shack, I can hand it to him and tell him it's a robot.

He'll object, of course, since he's not stupid. I'll point to news stories about the stuff being used in Iraq and elsewhere and say, "see -- all remote control dohickies are robots."

Just because he's not stupid doesn't mean editors/reports/promoters/technologists/and the general public aren't.

Re:This is not a robot (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 5 years ago | (#28609023)

I blame robot wars.

Re:This is not a robot (1)

coolsnowmen (695297) | about 5 years ago | (#28609311)

Define robot then,
    This thing crawls using a marriage of mechanical and eletrical devices and detects its environment.

I get that is isn't exactly Johhny 5, but the definition of robot is quite weak, and I doubt it completely excludes this from its set.

Hmm.... (1)

emandres (857332) | about 5 years ago | (#28615105)

This would seem like one of those ideas that was great on the drawing board but horrible in real life. I just wait for the first doctor performing a surgery/procedure with this to say "Ah, hell, it just went into his brain". If they were to use these for clearing arteries (i.e. high pressure) it wouldn't take much of a disturbance in the controlling magnetic field for it to slip away into someone's brain. As for me, I'll stick with good old catheter operations (you know, if I ever have a heart condition).
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