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World's Biggest Alarm Clock Shakes You Out of Bed

samzenpus posted more than 5 years ago | from the up-and-at-them dept.

Toys 100

tugfoigel writes "Built by "Kevin" for a contest, this computer-controlled alarm clock is touted as the world's largest. To be more specific, he 'mounted a large air cylinder to the head of [his] bed and a valve, controlled by a computer, which [he programmed] to wake [him] up in the morning.'"

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News? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28632689)

Some kid strapped a computer controlled jack-hammer to his bed.

Call the press! They must report this to the whole world immediately!

Re:News? (2, Funny)

Nutria (679911) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632847)

That's not a kid. He's in his late 20's or maybe even 30's.

Re:News? (2, Funny)

Antidamage (1506489) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633285)

There is no way he's getting laid twice.

A thought on waking up... (5, Funny)

Cryacin (657549) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633317)

There are two ways to wake up in the morning.

1. The sun gently rolling its warmth over the mountains, gently caressing your face and rousing your subtly to start your day.

2. A tiger jumping out of the bushes.


I wonder which one this is?

Re:A thought on waking up... (4, Funny)

kongit (758125) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633733)

There is a third way: having to go piss.

Re:A thought on waking up... (4, Funny)

Antidamage (1506489) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633925)

What does waking up have to do with that?

Believe you me, I don't get laid twice either.

Re:A thought on waking up... (2, Insightful)

Zero__Kelvin (151819) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634981)

There is a third way: having to go piss.

I'm over forty. That is the first and only way for me you insensitive clod!

Re:A thought on waking up... (1)

adolf (21054) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635093)

3. Penis, gently roused and massaged by mouth, perhaps followed later by vagina.

[Disclaimer: I've been married long enough that 3 doesn't happen anymore.]

Double loser (1)

spineboy (22918) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634337)

weird ass bed
LOL it's a twin sized bed

What girl will be over "sleeping"o in that thing with him. Wow, talk about excluding yourself from any chance of mating..

Re:Double loser (2, Funny)

TapeCutter (624760) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634485)

At my age sex is hard work. With this invention you can sit her on top and let the machine do the work, when your done just let go.

Re:News? (1)

Zero__Kelvin (151819) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634967)

There is no way he's getting laid twice.

Maybe not the way the system is set up now, but with some minor modifications and a little reprogramming ....

Re:News? (2, Funny)

iamapizza (1312801) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632983)

Big deal, there's an app for that on the Jesus Phone.

Bzzzt Bang Crash (2, Funny)

skreeech (221390) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632703)

From the picture it looks like it is going to wake his head up into a dresser.

Upon watching the video I was half right.

Re:Bzzzt Bang Crash (1)

sznupi (719324) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634147)

Shaking like that is a horrible way to be woken up. One of the many annoyances from so called "family home" was me being awoken by shaking the pillow unceremoniously.

Instant headache for the whole morning and horrible mood at the start of your day!

Re:Bzzzt Bang Crash (1)

Eddy Luten (1166889) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636161)

Yeah, I wonder why this was labeled Entertainment?

Wouldn't help (3, Funny)

Starlon (1492461) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632711)

I'd still roll over and fall back to sleep; and never remember the alarm going off. The only things that ever remotely worked were my sister growing up and Sepultura's Ratamahatta. Part of the latter was my kitten going nuts when it went off.

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

belmolis (702863) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632797)

How did your sister growing up wake you up in the morning?

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

Starlon (1492461) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632853)

Poorly written. I meant, while growing up, she could always get me up for school.

Re:Wouldn't help (2, Funny)

fractoid (1076465) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633379)

I'm not entirely sure it's ethical or legal for your sister to get you up, especially while growing up. O.o

Re:Wouldn't help (2, Funny)

Nutria (679911) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632803)

The only things that ever remotely worked were my sister growing up

That's disturbingly weird.

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

Kaeso (1275972) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632863)

I have a series of computers, each louder and progressively further away from me, which blare the 'Gilgamesh' music from Final Fantasy V. The first one starts playing, then five minutes later the second one farther away and louder than the first starts playing, etc. I live alone...

Re:Wouldn't help (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28633583)

I live alone...

Who would've guessed?

Re:Wouldn't help (-1, Redundant)

xmundt (415364) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633635)

... first starts playing, etc. I live alone..

Ok...since everyone ELSE is too polite and civilized to say it...I will...

Can someone mod this REDUNDANT

G,D & R
dave mundt

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

Gen. Malaise (530798) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635623)

I live alone...

I would never have guessed.

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

lgw (121541) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633121)

Just put the alarm clock out of easy reach. In a different room if needed. Across a moat.

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

nospam007 (722110) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634539)

I use earplugs to sleep (best sleep ever!) and so I bought myself an alarm clock for deaf people with a vibration device that is put under the mattrass cover. It also has several really loud sounds and flashes that you can switch on as well if you like.

Best clock ever!

Re:Wouldn't help (2, Informative)

MrKevvy (85565) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635497)

re: "I use earplugs to sleep (best sleep ever!) and so I bought myself an alarm clock for deaf people with a vibration device that is put under the mattrass cover. It also has several really loud sounds and flashes that you can switch on as well if you like."

Could it be this one? [thinkgeek.com] It's the one I use too, for the same reason as the poster above: my eeevil subconscious would wake up first with a standard alarm clock and either turn it off or hit the snooze button repeatedly, so I would groggily wonder what happened when I woke up late. I put the shaker unit under my pillow, and having my head vibrate in unison with the loud beeping is unnerving enough that I completely wake up. If I'm stressed for time, I can get up with only a few hours sleep. It is the best alarm clock ever.

It also rather invalidates needing to shake the entire bed. Just the sleeper's head is sufficient. And putting the shaker down one's PJ's provides a wake-up desired by yet another poster above. :^p

Re:Wouldn't help (1)

lgw (121541) | more than 5 years ago | (#28655265)

my eeevil subconscious would wake up first with a standard alarm clock and either turn it off or hit the snooze button repeatedly

I'm curious whether your alarm clock was within reach, or across the room? I used a normal alarm clock in an adjacent room for a while, which fixed that problem completely for me, and now an alarm clock that's simply out of reach of my bed is enough.

"Onii-chan, wake up or you're going to be late!" (1)

Guppy (12314) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636823)

Oddly enough, I've heard you can get clocks in Japan with a little-sister voice telling her brother to wake up, or audio CDs of the same that you can use with CD player alarms.

But does it run Linux? (1)

thatkid_2002 (1529917) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632725)

Sex used to be a form of exercise... But exercise is for losers! He built a machine to do the work for him!

Re:But does it run Linux? (1)

ocularDeathRay (760450) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632821)

I just watched the video and thought exactly the same thing... if this guy could get laid, that bed would be awesome. unfortunately I doubt he will get much opportunity for that.

If you're into the necro thing... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28634507)

... the corpse can go on top !

Buzz Buzz! (1)

Twide (1142927) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632731)

It will sure help getting off to work in the morning!!

Ladies.... (1)

PhantomHarlock (189617) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632739)

can you imagine living with this guy?

I'd rather just not get up at all.

Waking up naturally is far better for your health. All you 9-5ers have fun being shocked out of bed every morning.

Re:Ladies.... (2, Funny)

Psychotria (953670) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632747)

[Ladies...] can you imagine living with this guy?

Yeah, I agree. Much better to sleep with me.

Re:Ladies.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28632749)

If you're going to live with this guy, Remember that he can use the bed to ride you with the power of an air pump. :-)

Re:Ladies.... (1)

Max Romantschuk (132276) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632779)

Waking up naturally is far better for your health. All you 9-5ers have fun being shocked out of bed every morning.

Let me guess: Student or part-time worker, no kids?

Re:Ladies.... (1)

Beardo the Bearded (321478) | more than 5 years ago | (#28643321)

Nah, he's trying to keep optimistic during the downturn.

"Let's see... Ah! I get to sleep in!"

My bio-alarms (3 and 5 years old) wake me up by 6:30-7:00 should the alarm somehow fail, but that's unlikely. It auto-shuts on weekends, resets the time after a power failure, and stores the alarm time in non-volatile memory.

I am a light sleeper. Noises such as a door opening or a toilet flushing will wake me up and keep me up for a while. Even when exhausted, it takes 10-15 minutes to fall asleep.

Re:Ladies.... (1)

selven (1556643) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633789)

By 9-5, do you mean working hours or sleeping hours?

Re:Ladies.... (1)

MoonBuggy (611105) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634309)

Waking up naturally is far better for your health.

Why, in that case, do I revert to a 11-13 hour sleep schedule if I'm left to it?

I get plenty of sleep anyway, so it's not my body trying desperately to catch up, and even if I keep sleeping that much for a week I won't start naturally easing up to a 'normal' schedule unless I use some kind of alarm or other outside influence.

Re:Ladies.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28639075)

That would indicate you a YEARS behind on your sleep. Take a month of work and let your body naturally start to sleep 7-8 hours.

Re:Ladies.... (1)

Drinking Bleach (975757) | more than 5 years ago | (#28641435)

It doesn't work that way. Your brain does not store a sleep quota.

Re:Ladies.... (1)

Jarik C-Bol (894741) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634349)

my job starts at 5am you Insensitive Clod!

In soviet russia (3, Funny)

interkin3tic (1469267) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632741)

In soviet Russia, clock alarms YOU!

Re:In soviet russia (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28632891)

I think it might be better thought of as...

In Soviet Russia, alarm clocks YOU!

Re:In soviet russia (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28634177)

Nooo. In Soviet Russia YOU alarm the clock!

In soviet russia (4, Funny)

Mhtsos (586325) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632745)

"The hay" hits YOU !

Re:In soviet russia (1)

rj_sherman (1490249) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635381)

Repeatedly until you get a concussion. This would be rough after a night of hard drinking.

Where's The Snooze Button? (1)

blogger11 (1561695) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632753)

It seems to be missing one vital feature. The snooze button. Also, I think this may cause some weird dreams if you are a really heavy sleeper... The SiteList [sitelist.ca] - Open Directory of Your Favorite Sites.

Sex (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28632781)

Sex just that much more interesting.

I saw this 25 years ago (2, Funny)

Megahard (1053072) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632795)

Re:I saw this 25 years ago (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28633153)

I saw this in popular electronics 35 years ago. I think it was patented.

My Wife's Comment (3, Funny)

iron-kurton (891451) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632845)

"Did you notice it's a twin bed?"

Re:My Wife's Comment (3, Funny)

Nutria (679911) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632861)

Yup. And he said, "Hi, Mom!".

There's no way he's passing on his genes.

Re:My Wife's Comment (1)

kazade84 (1078337) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634299)

Darwinism at work. :)

Re:My Wife's Comment (1)

Nutria (679911) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634965)

The problem is that he seems really smart, and *should* transmit his genes...

Re:My Wife's Comment (1)

adolf (21054) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635057)

Ah, yes. Mr. Darwin is still hard at work, de-evolving the human race.

See my sig for additional details.

Re:My Wife's Comment (2, Funny)

kazade84 (1078337) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635081)

Smart?! The guy just lied on a bed that hits his head repeatedly until it hurts and he's done the same thing every morning for 4 years! :p

Re:My Wife's Comment (1)

marcop (205587) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636779)

He also said, "this is the way I have been waking up for the last 4 years."

Reminded me of the quote from Triumph, "you will die alone."

OMG he has the biggest rig! (2, Funny)

thatkid_2002 (1529917) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632855)

He has a big [pneumatic] rig.

Remember it is the size of the cylinder that counts!

...Hang on...
Get your mind out of the gutter!

Re:OMG he has the biggest rig! (2, Informative)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634483)

From what I heard the diameter is more important than the length...

Missed His Mark (5, Funny)

VaticDart (889055) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632867)

Leave it to a geek to invent the greatest sex bed the world has ever seen and then use it to jostle his brain into jelly in order to wake up in the morning.

Re:Missed His Mark (2, Funny)

2obvious4u (871996) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636069)

Don't they have the same thing at the local motel for a quarter?

Re:Missed His Mark (2, Funny)

Beardo the Bearded (321478) | more than 5 years ago | (#28643399)

Yes, that was invented by John Houghtaling [honoraryunsubscribe.com] , who passed away last month at the age of 92.

The casue of death was a head injury after a fall.

Been done and 10x better years ago (1, Troll)

Dahamma (304068) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632869)

Google is failing me now finding the video... but I remember reading about something SO much better almost 10 years ago.

A Japanese engineer designed an integrated alarm clock bed for a contest his company put on. The bed would go through a series of increasing "motivations" to wake up, including:

1. a normal alarm
2. a recording of his boss yelling "Wake up! You're going to be late!"
3. water spraying on his face
4. a hydraulic lift that slowly raises the head of the bed until the apparently ridiculously sound sleeper gets dumped on the floor

And this was back when creating said device was an actual embedded system, not just plugging a serial cable from your computer into a big motor and writing a few lines of code to make it go...

Guaranteed karma points to anyone who can find the video...

Re:Been done and 10x better years ago (3, Interesting)

Bill Dog (726542) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633707)

Here's [youtube.com] video for the #4 part of it! :)

Gun O'Clock (2, Funny)

The Real Toad King (981874) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632953)

This is nice and all, but I still prefer Gun O'Clock [youtube.com] .

Well... (1)

sc0ob5 (836562) | more than 5 years ago | (#28632959)

He'll also wake up alone every morning...

The great Exhibition, London, 1851 (2, Interesting)

JerryQ (923802) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633177)

One of the attractions in the 'Crystal Palace' was the 'Alarm Bed' which tipped you out of bed.

While using an atomic clock may be novel... (2, Interesting)

exasperation (1378979) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633179)

bed shakers (or, more often, pillow vibrators) are very common devices for waking deaf people. Take a look here. [marilynelectronics.com]

Actually sort of impressive. (1)

MasterNetHead (920728) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633247)

That's actually a pretty quiet alarm clock, considering what its doing. Too bad for every new bed I buy, he'll have bought 7.

Ten Thousand Quatloos (1)

Greyfox (87712) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633353)

To the man who hacks into his bed and reprograms it to catapult him through the ceiling!

It's been done. (1)

Jane Q. Public (1010737) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633467)

I saw something that was for all practical purposes identical, on black-and-white TV when I was a small child. This is not news. Or original at all.

This is nothing new. It's an alarmclock for deaf. (1)

Qbertino (265505) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633547)

This sort of 'shaking bed' is nothing new. Simular mechanisims are used as alarmclocks by deaf people. Maybe the force with which the bed is shaken is a new quality, but the basic concept has been around for a decade or two at least.

Re:This is nothing new. It's an alarmclock for dea (1)

JCZwart (1585673) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633951)

This guy seems eager for attention anyway. I have seen this very same video about half a year ago. Can't find the original anywhere, of course...

luckily (1)

opusman (33143) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633611)

Luckily there's not much chance of him ever needing a double bed, because that would be a real pain in the ass to rewire.

i did something similar once (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28633745)

I took my dads old vibrating sander and zap strapped it under my bed, then plugged it into an electric timer which was plugged in to the wall. it was the only thing that would wake me up,
mc

Yeah ok but.. (1)

The Creator (4611) | more than 5 years ago | (#28633993)

Do the head aches last as long as proper ones induced by beer?

And if they do, what's the ROI considering you save on beer?

Hmmm - damaging (2, Insightful)

stupid_is (716292) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634075)

Two things - firstly, I can't imagine the bed structure standing up to a whole lot of abuse of this nature. The vid claims he's used this for 3 years, but I wonder how many beds it's broken.

Secondly, and more significantly, that kind of vigorous bashing about is not good for brain cells. 3 years of this, 5 days a week at least, can't have done him much good.

Ho hum - mildly clever to put it all together, but a dumb idea overall

Hope he's not from California... (1)

lobiusmoop (305328) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634491)

Or for that matter any other earthquake-prone area of the world. The habituation to being shaken awake might prove to be his undoing.

Wallace and Grommit did it better (2, Funny)

wisebabo (638845) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634617)

I seem to remember Wallace's bed not only (sort of) waking him but dressing him and plopping him down for breakfast (toast, jelly and CHEESE!). It worked most of the time. Of course they are just clay figurines so maybe this isn't a valid comparison.

this is why nerds don't get laid... (1)

justanetgod (554210) | more than 5 years ago | (#28634867)

single bed, jackhammer. In the right hands this could be kinky. Instead, just sad.

It's happening again (1)

Blixinator (1585261) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635317)

This used to happen to me all the time. I think about something then later in the day, that same thing pops up! I'm not talking about finding a quarter on the ground, I'm talking about insanly odd things. This morning, I was wondering how deaf people wake themselves up in the morning, then I get into work and see THIS!

PFFFFT YEAH RIGHT.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28635627)

Evidently you guys/gals never lived near a rail line, OR met my ex-wife

I need one. (1)

Kid Zero (4866) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635701)

For the kids. I won't have a problem getting them up again.

Largest? I think not... (1)

hazydave (96747) | more than 5 years ago | (#28635979)

Back in the mid-70s, I built my fourth and final electronic clock (one for each year of high school)... this one was designed to match my stereo system. And it included a relay, to turn on the stereo system (well, actually a quadraphonic system.. this was the 70s, after all), so that I could wake to full volume rock music. That thing is only slightly larger than one of my speakers!

Biggest? (1)

Rambo Tribble (1273454) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636217)

Has anyone compared it to the size of the original alarm clocks, the water clocks in European monasteries?

following in the footsteps of John Muir (1)

mrtortoise (260606) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636755)

Clever. John Muir did something like this as a kid in the 1840s. He built a contraption to eject him from his bed and wake him so he could read in the pre-dawn hours (see bottom of p.225 in The Story of My Boyhood and Youth [google.com] ). It also lit a lamp at the same time and after a few minutes books to be studied were pushed from a rack. Now that's impressive.

Where is the compressor? (1)

Bruiser80 (1179083) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636827)

That's a pretty massive pneumatic cyclinder for the job needed. It looks like you'd need quite a large collection tank to maintain pressure.

I'd complain that the compressor would make a lot of noise, but if this guy requires this to wake up, I'm guessing he could have the compressor in his room and he wouldn't notice. I'm guessing he's running hose down to a basement or garage air unit.

If I was designing this system, I probably would have mounted the cylinder rod to the floor with a alignment coupler instead of letting it drive into some plywood. I bet the walls around the bed are pretty messed up from the bed banging against it.

If this guy needs this violent of a wake-up scheme, perhaps the cost of these materials would have been better used towards some medical attention?

For a niche market only. (1)

Drone69 (1517261) | more than 5 years ago | (#28636941)

Fat & lazy people need only apply.

Sleepers and Darwin (1)

PumpkinDog (1253988) | more than 5 years ago | (#28637703)

My gosh... i'm surprised he hasn't broken his neck yet. It leads me to think that heavy sleepers are weak in the gene pool and should be eliminated but evolution. (e.g. my house is on fire... turn over... zzzzzz)

almost as bad... (1)

BillAtHRST (848238) | more than 5 years ago | (#28638299)

I once had an early morning job interview that I really didn't want to be late for. As I'm a heavy sleeper, I was a bit worried about it -- my solution was to plug a vacuum cleaner into my clock radio (which had a switched outlet on the back). That did the trick!

Night Hawk Nerd? (1)

zerobeat (628744) | more than 5 years ago | (#28638529)

I bet he designed and built this while working late at night drinking copious amounts of coffee or caffeinated beverages. I wonder why he needed to take such drastic measures to get out of bed? Z/

The world's biggest alarm clock already exists. (1)

chrisspurgeon (514765) | more than 5 years ago | (#28639089)

I call it...the sun.

Air Compressor? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28642605)

Where's the air compressor? I have one in my garage, and the compressor itself would make enough noise to wake me up, if it were inside the house.

Of course, what I WANT in my house is a nice, expensive, belt-driven air compressor in the basement that serves the whole house like in a science building or workshop. No more canned air, and no more dragging my keyboard to the garage to clean it. :-)

Interesting... (1)

tengeta (1594989) | more than 5 years ago | (#28643265)

Can't the dude just not be stoned while sleeping?

Nothing new-- Deaf people? (1)

Ambvai (1106941) | more than 5 years ago | (#28643707)

This is nothing new; I went to the Rochester Institute of Technology [accompanied by the National Technical Institute for the Deaf] and they've used vibrating beds as alarms for the deaf students for years. And pray you don't end up on a deaf floor when the fire alarms go off-- between the strobe lights, sirens and vibrations, you'd be be ready to huddle under a desk and wait for the bombs to drop.

Single? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28646395)

This may have been said before, just thought it was funny, and probably fitting, that he still sleeps in single bed, go figure.

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