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Man Accuses Cat of Downloading Child Porn

samzenpus posted more than 5 years ago | from the when-pets-go-bad dept.

Idle 174

bruce_the_loon writes "They have blamed viruses. They have blamed neighbors. They have accused police of planting it. In rare cases, they have admitted downloading it. This is the first time someone has accused a cat of downloading child porn onto their computer. This seems like a defense almost too stupid to be made up."

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174 comments

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I Sympathise with the Cat (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29012821)

Don't we all want to see 12 year old pussy every once in a while?

Re:I Sympathise with the Cat (2, Funny)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013967)

You realize that's 65 years old after you convert [calculatorcat.com] it into human years, right? ;) GILF?

Re:I Sympathise with the Cat (1)

Boinger69 (673392) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015321)

Or the guy(cat?) could have been browsing /b/ for a few days. That's sure to load your browser cache with CP thumbnails...

This happens a lot (5, Funny)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012835)

You shouldn't let your cat surf the web unattended. Without proper supervision, they will start downloading kitty porn to your hard drive.

Re:This happens a lot (1)

sadness203 (1539377) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013123)

You should see what my cat download on my computer.
I fear to check the cache *shrug*

Re:This happens a lot (1)

snspdaarf (1314399) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013839)

Wow. You must have Fat Freddie's cat!

Re:This happens a lot (1)

dkh2 (29130) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015259)

That's Fat Freddy Scat to YOU mister! Now, where's that stash!?

Re:This happens a lot (2, Funny)

drpimp (900837) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013289)

Catz0r3d

Re:This happens a lot (1)

e9th (652576) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013323)

Ceiling cat [ebaumsworld.com] wanted to know what the big deal was.

Re:This happens a lot (2, Insightful)

Dogtanian (588974) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013647)

Ceiling cat wanted to know what the big deal was.

Now I *know* ceiling cat has supernatural powers- an image hosted by Ebaumsworld that hasn't been illegally watermarked by them.

It's such a shame how they've gone downhill since that thieving, dishonest piece of shit Eric Bauman sold the company.

Re:This happens a lot (3, Funny)

ObsessiveMathsFreak (773371) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013451)

First time I ever heard about "kiddy porn", I misheard it for "kitty porn".

For quite a while, I assumed a lot of people were getting steamed up about some weird pink anime thing, or some kind of playboy performers.

Re:This happens a lot (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013563)

Especially if your cat is a purrvert.

Re:This happens a lot (1, Redundant)

davidsyes (765062) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014265)

Ask the cat (to the tune of the cat food commercial):

"What's NEW, PUSSYcat (not pussyCAT)"

"Chaow--chaowww-chaoowwww"

Deprive the cat of pussy flix and it my shit a cataleptic fit.

Re:This happens a lot (1)

Brigadier (12956) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015025)

just hope the cops don'e buy that feLINE .....

Re:This happens a lot (0, Offtopic)

davidsyes (765062) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015387)

Can i get a moderator (or rescuer) here? I am marked 0, redundant, and i cannot find a single post prior to 1136 that preceded my comment so as to make mine redundant.

Curious/Interestingly, there are TWO posts "kitty-porn" and neither is marked redundant.

Seems to me /. needs a tag for "report abuse". Seems i have been hit again by a foe.

Anyone care to remode me to just nothing instead of redundant? And, be on the lookout for abuses of others?

Re:This happens a lot (1)

rve (4436) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015449)

I might have expected this from a dog, terrible, immoral creatures as they are, but a sweet, fluffy cat? Never!

i think you mean (3, Funny)

loafula (1080631) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012843)

kitty porn. bad, i know. lol

Re:i think you mean (1)

Ouchie (1386333) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012917)

You're joke is a bit late. My local paper ran that one as it's headline for this article on Friday.

Re:i think you mean (5, Funny)

Etrias (1121031) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013109)

oh hai! I am on ur puter, downlodings ur pr0n.

PedoCat? (2, Funny)

Faryshta (1362521) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012873)

Everyone knows cats only get internet for twitter and upload pics of themselves. Bears on the other hand are to be take care of.

Re:PedoCat? (1)

sa1lnr (669048) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014345)

12 cat years would make it granny porn.

Sarah Palin: GOP-Bitch-Witch (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29012879)

GOP-spokesman-philosopher Sarah Palin has suggested that panels determine the fate of genetically-defected offspring. Such a suggestion is very commendable; however, it is too exclusive to be practical. To make Palin's suggestion more egalitarian, the panel should include ALL members of the Palin pedigree in order to not burden the human gene pool with their defective bloodline.

Gather round, kids. Settle down now. And no hitting. I'm going to tell you a story about the way that the erroneous things Sarah Palin says about me are sometimes entertaining, oftentimes sad, and frequently thoroughly pathetic. Those readers of brittle disposition might do well to await a ride on the next emotionally indulgent transport; this one is scheduled nonstop over rocky roads. As soon as you're strapped in I'll announce something to the effect of how Palin makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant's mother. Consider, for example, Palin's claim that laws are meant to be broken. The fact of the matter is that stoicism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other "ism". That's why it's Palin's favorite; it makes it easy for her to eliminate the plebiscitary mechanisms which ensure a free and democratic society.

If Palin had her way, schools would teach students that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how a central fault line runs through each of Palin's hatchet jobs. Specifically, Palin periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. I can't follow Palin's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that she has been trying for quite some time to convince us that big emotions come from big words. I, for one, suggest she take this rotting ordure and dump it where she and her fellow sleazy buffoons congregate. At least then we could tackle the multinational death machine that she is currently constructing without having to worry that she will make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels.

If I hear Palin's pals say, "Diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors" one more time, I'm certainly going to throw up. I have begged Palin's co-conspirators to step forth and break the mold and stray from the path of conventional wisdom. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Palin might retaliate? The most appealing theory has to do with the way that Palin wants to offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world. Who does she think she is? I mean, her claim that men are spare parts in the social repertoireâ"mere optional extrasâ"is factually unsupported and politically motivated.

When surveyed, only two percent of Palin's myrmidons agreed with the statement, "All of Palin's views about life come straight out of 'Teach Yourself Antipluralism in 30 Minutes'." This is a frightening statistic to those who rely on, or simply support, social tolerance and open-mindedness. Palin may be sincere, but she is also sincerely vindictive. Regardless of what she seems to claim, Palin's concept of team play is sideline sulking. Listen up: In a recent essay, she stated that everyone with a different set of beliefs from hers is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. Since the arguments she made in the rest of her essay are based in part on that assumption, she should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but if she feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing her, then that's just too darn bad. Palin's arrogance has brought this upon herself.

So, Palin, maybe the problem is not with unreasonable beggars, but with you. I was once asked, "Is she just trying to use cheap, intemperate propaganda to arouse the passions of unsavory fence-sitters?". I'm not quite sure how to answer such a question. The problem is that Palin wants to force onto us the degradation and ignominy that she is known to revel in. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is Palin's gossamer grasp of reality.

I have not forgotten that the underlying reasons and causes for Palin's heartless canards must be defined, examined, and resolved, or they'll never cease. I have not forgotten that as far as Palin's naive remarks are concerned, I will not capitulate today, tomorrow, or ever. And I cannot forget that I defy the phlegmatic renegades who create an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people and I defy the powers of darkness that they represent. Palin's so accustomed to lying about everything that she doesn't even stop to consider the consequences of her lies. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that profits come before people. Palin is an interesting character. On the one hand, she likes to give lunatics control of the asylum. But on the other hand, she attracts brain-damaged enemies of the people to her little empire by telling them that she holds a universal license that allows her to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. I suppose the people to whom she tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, it may seem at first that Palin is incapable of looking with an open mind at anything that doesn't strictly endorse her views. When we descend to details, however, we see that she would have us believe that her blathering, slatternly junta is a respected civil-rights organization. Yeah, right. And I also suppose that children should belong to the state? The fact of the matter is that if she wanted to, she could perpetuate harmful stereotypes. She could cause the destruction of human ambition and joy. And she could allow federally funded research to mushroom into a mendacious, grossly inefficient system, hampered by hypersensitive fiends and the worst types of brazen kooks I've ever seen. We must not allow Palin to do any of these.

I have seen what Palin is capable of, and I am afraid. I am very afraid and I am very angry. She is interpersonally exploitative. That is, she takes advantage of others to achieve her own pernicious ends. Why does she do that? Well, I asked the question so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that she uses the word "hexosemonophosphoric" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated.

If Palin succeeds in her attempt to give an air of scientific impartiality to biased judgments, it'll have to be over my dead body. To make a long story short, if society were a beer bottleâ"something, I believe, that Palin holds in high regardâ"she would indeed be the nauseating bit at the bottom that only the homeless like to drink. Do I want her to perpetuate what we all know is a corrupt system? No, thank you very much; I would much rather take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on Palin's insensate, brainless claims.

In many ways, Palin is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when she's confronted with inconvenient facts. Before you know it, however, Palin is likely to switch to some sort of "supply the chains that bind the individual to notions of self-loathing and unworthiness" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. I welcome her comments. However, she needs to realize that there's something I've observed about her. Namely, she may not know how to spell "epididymodeferential" but she indisputably knows how to burn books. I've further observed that I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Palin is mongering. We need to turn Palin's daft, exploitative homilies to our advantage.

If you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which Palin may discredit legitimate voices in the antinomianism debate one of these days, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that I have never been in favor of being gratuitously vapid. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to direct our efforts toward clearly defined goals and measure progress toward those goals as frequently and as objectively as possible. No one likes being attacked by power-drunk, ornery hoodwinkers. Even worse, Palin exploits our fear of those attacksâ"which she claims will evolve sooner or later into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacksâ"as a pretext to turn over our country to socially inept dunderheads. If you think that's scary, then you should remember that once you understand Palin's hijinks, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Palin reinforce the concept of collective guilt that is the root of all prejudice. We must mention a bit about jaundiced, wishy-washy saboteurs such as Sarah Palin. We must address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Palin because they saw no other options for change. And we must shine a light on Palin's efforts to break our country's national and patriotic backbone and make it ripe for the slave's yoke of international barbarism. Please join me in incorporating these words into our living credo.

The purrrrrrrrfect ... (4, Funny)

neonprimetime (528653) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012909)

...alibi

There is software to protect against this... (2, Informative)

sean_nestor (781844) | more than 5 years ago | (#29012981)

No kidding [bitboost.com]

When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data, damage your files, and even crash your computer. This can happen whether you are near the computer or have suddenly been called away from it.

PawSense is a software utility that helps protect your computer from cats. It quickly detects and blocks cat typing, and also helps train your cat to stay off the computer keyboard.

Re:There is software to protect against this... (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013259)

That has to be one smart filter to detect the difference between a normal vi or emacs command stream and cat steps.

ESC W - CTRL-A :.-3,.+4s/a/z/g

Re:There is software to protect against this... (3, Funny)

i_liek_turtles (1110703) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013517)

I've learned that leaving your cat unattended with your keyboard can lead to interesting consequences. --Dexter Douglas

Re:There is software to protect against this... (2, Funny)

swanzilla (1458281) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013521)

bitboost.com's PawSense is available for Windows 95/98/ME, NT, 2000, XP, and Vista....I guess that pretty much eliminates everyone here.

Re:There is software to protect against this... (4, Funny)

muyla (1429487) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013683)

From the software FAQ:

Q: My cat is deaf. Can you help me?

        A: PawSense detects the paws of even deaf cats. Even if a cat is deaf, PawSense blocks cat typing once detected. This makes it harder for the cat to mess up your programs, data files, and operating system.

        However, PawSense does not include a miracle cure for deafness.

1 - How stupid can a person be before he is legally considered handicaped?
2 - I wonder how much they charge extra for the deluxe package with miracle cure included!

Re:There is software to protect against this... (4, Informative)

Ifni (545998) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014075)

I'm guessing that the question is in regards to the deterrence feature, which is likely some loud noise or pre-recorded cat-hiss, that the program emits when it detects a cat on your keyboard. From the linked page: If a cat gets on the keyboard, PawSense makes a sound that annoys cats. This teaches your cat that getting on the keyboard is bad even if humans aren't watching.

Re:There is software to protect against this... (1)

Ingcuervo (1349561) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014173)

My keyboard is cat safe, my cat is a trained one, dsafu7y2qsmjnasdpxcvmlk...

Re:There is software to protect against this... (1)

HTH NE1 (675604) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014555)

When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data, damage your files, and even crash your computer. This can happen whether you are near the computer or have suddenly been called away from it.

And if you're not careful, attempting to delete it can turn you into a Freakazoid! [imdb.com]

@[=g3,8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk%fg

Re:There is software to protect against this... (1)

w0mprat (1317953) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015251)

Cats may indeed have leet scripting skill, so far they've been undetected in their pwnership of the internets. with the exception of the webcam shots they send each other with lolspeak captions. All your base will belong to kitty.

they can enter random commands and data, damage your files

Er not on windows. If you have a shell open you plausibly could end up with rm -rf [wildcard] or [anycommand] > /dev/sda (ouch!)

Man Accuses Cat of Downloading Child Porn (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29012999)

Fucking Pussy.

Re:Man Accuses Cat of Downloading Child Porn (1)

javamann (410973) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015211)

As opposed to?

lol cat (5, Funny)

ExE122 (954104) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013063)

I can haz blame?

Re:lol cat (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014291)

No, lolcats are fine, it's the loli-cat that did it.

Chris Hansen should interview the cat (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013111)

He'll get to the bottom of this.

  "You walk in here on all fours naked making strange noises and rubbing against my leg..who knows what would have happened if I hadn't been here"

Testing (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013165)

1 2 3

Re:Testing (0, Offtopic)

palegray.net (1195047) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013247)

FAIL

This is why I don't own a cat (3, Funny)

JoshuaZ (1134087) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013229)

The article doesn't mention that the cat left a note for the man warning him of dire consequences if it didn't get fresh fish more frequently.

Florida (3, Insightful)

NeverTheMachine (1612583) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013281)

I live there, in that town. It seems like a ton of retarded news stories come from not only here, but Florida in general.

I feel embarrassed saying I'm from Florida sometimes.

Re:Florida (4, Insightful)

cashman73 (855518) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013441)

I live there, in that town. It seems like a ton of retarded news stories come from not only here, but Florida in general. I feel embarrassed saying I'm from Florida sometimes.

Yep,... that's why the state has it's own Fark tag [fark.com] ,... =)

Re:Florida (1)

kannibal_klown (531544) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013915)

Is it possible? I guess. Just dropping something on my keyboard I've had improbable keystrokes take place, and that only triggered 2-3 "clicks." A cat could generate a LOT of clicks, a bunch of it could be valid input (enter, spacebar, mouseclick, tab, mouse move, etc).

As a juror, would I buy it? No. Though it does raise a doubt, I wouldn't feel it a reasonable one. It's too improbable, and I doubt they would be able to replicate the scenario in a court room.

But to play devil's advocate...

The guy could've had a Search Engine up, perhaps searching for ordinary/legal trash. He walks away and the cat jumps on desk and initiates a click-action on one of the bad links that can come up in the search-noise. Perhaps while taking a number of steps on the keyboard, or perhaps lying down on the thing and mashing keys. The resulting actions click on the bad link on the search results, click another link for images (perhaps a zip of a sampler"), and the next thing you know it's on his computer. And if it happened while a P2P client was up, then it's probably more possible as it might've clicked into a remote user's folders and did a download-all.

Again, I don't buy it. But random things can happen to cause an undesired effect.

Re:Florida (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014185)

It could easily happen. Running IE and ending up on the wrong site by chance can lead to pop-up hell. As these pop-up mad sites tend to be porn spam, you could end up with hundreds of dodgy images on your machine within a minute, depending on you connection.

The obvious question the dweebs here are missing, is how were the files organized? Are they sorted into folders, or just a huge collection in the browsers cache?

Re:Florida (3, Insightful)

TheCarp (96830) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014281)

Of course, then reality sets in. The best refutation I can think of is the amounts. If the car downloaded thousands of kiddie porn images, then there should be lots of other kinds of images (perhaps 100s of thousands) along with them.

Now, I have downloaded a fair amount of porn myself since I was 16 and first got online (15 years now! wow...) anyway.... in that time, how many times, looking for porn or not, did I stumble on child porn.

The answer: Once. While on usenet and doing the old "download multiple messages and string them together" on my Apple 2 GS which took about 5 minutes to render a JPG in black and white online... well...

I built up a collection in those days... and one of those pictures it turned out was child porn (which wasn't evident until it was viewed on a more powerful machine with much better resolution, and in color years later)

So one, out of, several thousand images over 15 years, was child porn. It turned up on usenet.... which nobody really uses for porn anymore as far as I know.

I MIGHT believe this guy if a handful... 2 or 3 or something images were downloaded. I might even believe he did it himself accidentally. However.... this argument just doesn't fit the evidence.

The only other way it would make sense is if it was taken from the cache of a freenet node he was running. However, I would think a specific case like that would be mentioned in the article, and would not necessitate the "cat story"
.
-Steve

Re:Florida (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014711)

WHAT?? Nobody uses Usenet for porn any more? That's the single largest archive of porn available for free. I wouldn't go anywhere else. No web-page log ins, no pop up ads, no different sites for different moods -- just pure, unadulterated smut. These days, most of the major news server companies actively filter for child porn, but there's always miscellaneous spam/malware posts that try to entice people with pics claiming to be underage...

If anyone else isn't clued in to the porn smorgasbord, consider yourself enlightened -- get a fast usenet connection and go wild!

Re:Florida (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014723)

You really shouda posted that as Anonymous

And not signed it with your real name

Re:Florida (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014849)

1) Admit to crime on slashdot
2) ...
3) Jail?

Re:Florida (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29015261)

4. Video of you being prisonraped uploaded to interwebs.

Your cat will find this as well.

Ditto here (1)

aepervius (535155) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014991)

I downloaded a lot of porn , and I stumbled onto once on a bulletin board on an attachment which read "12eat12!". That is it. I read somewhere there is next to no child porn on publicly available internet web page. In reality they are mostly transported physically (hard drive, CD, USB , laptop...) or on darknet and similar.

Re:Florida (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29015063)

yes but you got to remember that not only are pictures of naked 6 year old child porn so are naked pictures of 17 year olds and they are much harder to tell apart from their over 18 look alike and even one day can make the difference between legal and not. and on the flip side not all pictures of naked children are illegal somehow it is legal for parents to torment their children with childhood pictures of them in the bath. just depends on what the prosecutors office thinks you are thinking.

Are Amazon patents a bad idea...? (1)

MessyBlob (1191033) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013295)

Imagine the chaos that a cat could cause if one-click ordering is enabled.

Re:Are Amazon patents a bad idea...? (2, Funny)

stewbee (1019450) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013743)

Imagine the chaos that a cat could cause if one-lick ordering is enabled.

fixed that for you....Thank you, thank you very much. I will be here all week. Don't forget to tip the waitstaff..

sadly enough (1)

jaydebard (1607745) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013353)

the sad part is that this guy will probably get off with a slap on the wrist (no pun intended).

Possibly the greatest story ever told. (1)

BlueKitties (1541613) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013375)

The funny is so greatly epic I blew a LOLfuze and can no longer laugh.

Worse than children downloading (0, Redundant)

wiredog (43288) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013391)

kitty porn?

Not a new problem (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013427)

Steve Martin had problems with his cat's criminal nature. The guy should feel lucky it could have been much worse.

"Okay! Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them.

Re:Not a new problem (1)

jameskojiro (705701) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014607)

I head that Toonces was the get-away driver....

This proves it! (4, Funny)

travdaddy (527149) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013455)

Dogs As Intelligent As Average Two-Year-Old Children [slashdot.org] .

But a cat is capable of using the Internet (not to mention framing his owner). Sorry, dog owners, cats are clearly smarter!

And for sure he used.. (3, Funny)

ctrl-alt-canc (977108) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013477)

netcat.

Infinite Porn Theorem (1)

sweetking (1289558) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013493)

A kitty hitting keys at random on a keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely download 10,000 child porn images.

Note to self (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29013511)

Note to self -- get a cat.

Idle? (1)

Haxzaw (1502841) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013585)

I thought we weren't supposed to visit Idle - ever.

Re:Idle? (5, Funny)

daremonai (859175) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014065)

I didn't - it was my cat who clicked on this!

Makes jury duty attractive (3, Funny)

smchris (464899) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013719)

If counties were smart, they'd have a "serve one, get a second silly one" deal.

a cat (1)

luther349 (645380) | more than 5 years ago | (#29013807)

theirs no way a cat can download 1,000s of images by walking on the keyboard. the commands sent would be random at best and to get all that you would need to be actively looking for it. god at least the vires defence has some merit being there is botnets out there. and becides if by some act of god a cat could download all that why did he not delete them.

Re:a cat (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014077)

You should definitely offer your services to the prosecution. They need your insightful mind.

Re:a cat (1)

Theoboley (1226542) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015349)

He most likely didn't delete them because he didn't know they were there. Hence his defense...

Re:a cat (1)

hoggoth (414195) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015399)

> theirs no way a cat can download 1,000s of images by walking on the keyboard

There is if the guy left his browser on the download page of a site with child porn.

Uh oh... (5, Funny)

bughunter (10093) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014103)

I have over 1 Quadrillion pornographic images on my computer.

Yes, I'm a Petaphile.

Re:Uh oh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014999)

I have digital photos of people downloading pornographic images. Does this make me a Metaphile?

Re:Uh oh... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29015311)

And if you download porn images that aren't quite finished yet then you are a betaphile.

The cat must have a great lawyer... (0, Redundant)

Doug52392 (1094585) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014261)

It's really hard to get child porn charges dropped these days, with the whole "pedo witch hunt" in full swing these days. I'm surprised the cat was cleared of it's charges. It's lawyer must be brilliant!

CD Behind radiator (4, Interesting)

shadowknot (853491) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014313)

Working in digital forensics you hear all the ridiculous defenses dreamed up by crazy suspects and defense lawyers but this one is pretty out there! One case a colleague of mine involved the usual defense of "a trojan did it" but this was his defense for how a CD-R marked "best stuff" had gotten from the spindle on his desk, into his machine, appropriated a copy of the illicit images on his computer (which he then moved to the recycle bin!) and then hidden itself behind a radiator in a jewel case. Amazing what a little knowledge (and I do mean a very can do!

Re:CD Behind radiator (1)

jbeaupre (752124) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014409)

Those damn USC graduates! Worse than cats.

Re:CD Behind radiator (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014947)

It makes me feel safer knowing that you and your ilk are helping to put people that look at pictures in prison.

Oh wait... no it doesn't.

Re:CD Behind radiator (3, Interesting)

Jeremi (14640) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015035)

One case a colleague of mine involved the usual defense of "a trojan did it"

I'm rather surprised trojans don't do it more often. It seems like a pretty viable extortion scheme:

  1. Infect victim's PC
  2. Download loads of kiddy porn to various places on the PC
  3. Email the victim: "ILLEGAL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY DETECTED ON YOUR PC at C:\WINDOWS\KIDDYPORN AND OTHER LOCATIONS. Send us $100 to purchase cleanup tool within 5 days, or the police will be notified"
  4. Wait 5 days, collect money from victim, or if no money, send an 'anonymous tip' to the police
  5. Evil profit!

Re:CD Behind radiator (1)

Theoboley (1226542) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015433)

Don't give them any ideas....

Re:CD Behind radiator (4, Interesting)

Lord Ender (156273) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015281)

I would like to get into computer forensics, but I'm afraid I would be spending all my time going after dirty old men, rather than prosecuting real crimes with real victims and damages. Worse than that, I'm afraid I would be forced to attempt to make cases against people who had no intention of downloading illegal content at all (does a 17year 11month old girl look any different from an 18 year old?).

So as someone who has worked in the industry, I ask you: is modern computer Forensics at all about prosecuting serious crime, or is it just playing porno police? What is your caseload like? The idea of having a hand in ruining someones life for looking at a picture of a sexually mature female just seems immoral to me, and I would want no hand in it.

So when cats masturbate... (2, Insightful)

Radtastic (671622) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014349)

What species of baby does god kill? [wikipedia.org]

Re:So when cats masturbate... (1)

jameskojiro (705701) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014573)

Human Babies, that is why God hasn't stopped abortion, it makes his job easier when dealing with Cat Masturbation.

He just subtracts the number of abortions from the cat M-count, then tops off the rest the children from third world countries.

Damn cats, they are colluding with God in an effort to remove the human race.

New RIAA filesharing defense? (2, Informative)

electricprof (1410233) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014377)

I smell a new defense against downloading copyrighted material! It's those damn cats! (I suspect a few weasels may be involved as well.) First, and infinite number of them got in a room and developed P2P filesharing, next they distributed said product with a clever cat-based GUI that closely resembles a human-oriented GUI. What will they do next after they have destroyed the foundation of intellectual property? ... *shiver* ... will they ... *gasp* ... start investment banks? ... run for Congress? ...

Plausible deniability (1)

NonUniqueNickname (1459477) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014431)

If this isn't Plausible deniability, I don't know what is.

Re:Plausible deniability (2, Funny)

devotedlhasa (1298843) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014533)

Pawsable deniability

I AM IN YUR COMPUTER (2, Funny)

jameskojiro (705701) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014543)

DOWNLOADING YUR PR0N....

So quoth the Almighty LOL-Cat

The downloading I can maybe believe... (1)

thewils (463314) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014557)

..but did his cat also drop the pr0n into folders classified by sub-genre?

Re:The downloading I can maybe believe... (1)

St.Creed (853824) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014929)

Must have been a Siamese cat. Those are both smart and vicious.

Chewbacca defense (2, Funny)

gapagos (1264716) | more than 5 years ago | (#29014695)

He should have used the Chewbacca defense, it would have made much more SENSE.

Also ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29014881)

.. to stupid to post on /.

It was all true (1)

hesaigo999ca (786966) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015111)

The cat being intelligent as it is, was quite finished with his current master, having set him up to take the fall, he had inserted some hidden p0rn and anonymously contacted the feds. He is now surfing the web at his leisure...

In other news, there has been a new type of post on Craigslist getting attention, Cats Looking For New Masters....picture included!

Pun Intended... (0, Redundant)

No-Cool-Nickname (1287972) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015147)

Kitty Porn?

I can haz... (1)

Spydeh (1304095) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015157)

I can haz kitteh porn???

If the cat is found guilty... (2, Funny)

malchus6 (870609) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015165)

...will he be sentenced in Cat years?

Obligatory... (2, Funny)

FatRichie (1456467) | more than 5 years ago | (#29015415)

Play him off, keyboard cat...

encryption (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#29015481)

why people don't encrypt their illicit stuff ?

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