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Newton's Apple Story Goes Online

ScuttleMonkey posted more than 4 years ago | from the ouch-an-idea dept.

Books 114

Hugh Pickens writes "Although many historians are skeptical of the story, Rev. William Stukeley, a physician, cleric, and prominent antiquarian, wrote that he was once enjoying afternoon tea with Sir Isaac Newton amid the Woolsthorpe apple trees when the mathematician reminisced that he was just in the same situation as when the notion of gravitation came into his mind. It was occasioned by the fall of an apple, as he sat in contemplative mood. The original version of the story of Sir Isaac Newton and the falling apple first appeared in Stukeley's 1752 biography, Memoirs of Sir Isaac Newton's Life. Now BBC reports that UK's Royal Society has converted the fragile manuscript into an electronic book, which anybody with internet access will now be able to read and decide for themselves. 'The story of Newton and the apple, which had gradually become debunked over the years. It is now clear, it is based on a conversation between Newton and Stukeley,' says Martin Kemp, emeritus professor of the history of art at Oxford University's Trinity College. 'We needn't believe that the apple hit his head, but sitting in the orchard and seeing the apple fall triggered that work. It was a chance event that got him engaged with something he might have otherwise have shelved.'"

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Apple Newton (5, Funny)

Jazz-Masta (240659) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812528)

It took me a couple minutes to realize the story was not about the Apple Newton, leading into the rumored Apple Tablet...

I didn't realize technology had such a hold on my perception of current and past events, as well as common sense.

Re:Apple Newton (5, Funny)

JustOK (667959) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812674)

You clearly didn't recognize the gravity of your situation.

Woosh! (1)

fotoguzzi (230256) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812806)

*Splat*

Re:Woosh! (1)

Hurricane78 (562437) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815722)

Did you just woosh yourself? Because you’re the only one I see that did not get it. ^^

Re:Apple Newton (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30814056)

I fell for that one too...

Re:Apple Newton (1)

dkleinsc (563838) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814968)

"On the contrary, gravity is the foremost thing on my mind" -- Kirk

Re:Apple Newton (2, Funny)

sigxcpu (456479) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816900)

Yes, I would expect them to get a DMCA takedown letter from Apple's lawyers any minute now.

ZOMG Teh Fanbois! (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812678)

Oh, great. Now cue forty-six posts whining about "Apple Fanbois."

Re:Apple Newton (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812688)

GNAA REBORN UNDER NEW LEADERSHIP

DiKKy Heartiez - Berlin, Norway

President timecop of the GNAA has died today. He died at the age of 55 from excessive lulz in his apartment in Tokyo, Japan while watching faggot cartoons of preteen girls beeing raped by giant testicles. The world will remember him as a total faggot douchebag who had the opportunity to unite the best trolls seen upon the face of the internet into one special hardcore machine of destruction, unfortunately he failed, instead devoting his internet carreer to animu. Although he died like a true hero he will be forever remembered as a total failure.

In the wake of his death the GNAA is thought to perish like all the other so called trolling organizations. The writing is on the wall, they say. The GNAA smells worse than BSD, they say.They have said this for a long time. The GNAA has lived, with a very faint pulse, for years.

DIKKY HEARTIEZ CLAIMS THE PRESIDENCY OF THE GNAA!!!!!!!

With the death of timecop still shocking our chats, not many are able to see ahead. But there is one visionary Nord who has great plans for the new GNAA.
"Under my leadership the GNAA will become the new home of all trolls on the internet. The GNAA will regain its old strength and will be feared by bloggers and jews alike. The time for CHANGE is now." DiKky HearTiez told a shocked audience outside the Gary Niger Memorial Plaza, Nigeria, earlier today. The GNAA will move its Internet Relayed Communications to a new location, following reports of a massive "Distributed Denial Of Service" attack on its previous location, making it unreliable.
"Our operatives are in need of a robust and safe communications service with can_flood for everyone." An anonymous source at the GNAA Black Ops department told reporters at the same conference.

KLULZ supports DiKKy Heartiez presidency!

The infamous KLULZ internet radio station supports DiKKy Heartiez for the new GNAA president.
"KLULZ is behind him 100% and will be broadcasting his speeches and support him in every way possible, we wish him the best of luck and an outstanding presidency. May many blogs burn under DiKky Hearties." This was stated by KLULZ Operations Manager and Gay Nigger g0sp when asked to comment on KLULZ involvement.

About President timecop

DEAD.

About DiKKy HearTiez

The world famous internet nord from Norway LOL HY living in a fjord LOL HY. Currently the new President of the new GNAA. He is also a radiodj on KLULZ and active in many irc chats. Known for several epic trolls in his time. Led the GNAA operation Intel Crapflood 21, who succesfully made GNAA owners of the biggest thread on Slashdot until fixed by admins. Also deeply involved in the war on blogs, and is the one who provided JesuitX with the real screenshots of Faggintosh Leopard. His leadership abilities, high iq and instoppable urge to troll, coupled with his fat Norwegian welfare check will enable him to become the best President the GNAA ever had.

About KLULZ

KLULZ is the internets radio station, bringing you news about the GNAA, hosting shows by prominent djs such as DiKKy, l0de, g0sp, jenk and many others. KLULZ supports DiKKy Heartiez. With mature content this channel is not suitable for children or people under the age of 18. Klulz radio can be heard at http://klulz.com/listen.pls

About GNAA:

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first
organization which gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one
common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

Are you GAY [klerck.org] ?

Are you a NIGGER [mugshots.org] ?

Are you a GAY NIGGER [gay-sex-access.com] ?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then GNAA (GAY NIGGER
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
) might be exactly what you've been looking for!

Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy
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GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing
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Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

  • First, you have to obtain a copy of GAYNIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] and watch it. You can download the movie [idge.net] (~130mb) using BitTorrent.
  • Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA First Post [wikipedia.org] on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website.
  • Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on irc.gnaa.us, and apply for membership.

Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up
today
! Upon submitting your application, you will be required to submit
links to your successful First Post, and you will be tested on
your knowledge of GAYNIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE.

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network.
The correct network is Hardchats, and you can connect to
  irc.hardchats.com as our official server. Follow this link [irc] if you are using an irc client such as mIRC.

If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

Copyright (c) 2003-2009 Gay Nigger Association of America [www.gnaa.us]

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:

  • Linus Torvalds [microsoft.com] is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
  • Richard M. Stallman [geocities.com] , spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
  • Alan Cox [microsoft.com] is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.

I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual [goatse.fr] propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail [microsoft.com] , which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted [salon.com] on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo [comp-u-geek.net] slut [rotten.com] !

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual [goatse.fr] perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children [slashdot.org] . To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

Is this why you were touching your penis [rotten.com] in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?

We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual [goatse.fr] terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual [goatse.fr] lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.

Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.

In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware [redhat.com] distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual [goatse.fr] practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake [slackware.com] product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.

Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals [goatse.fr] preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, [mandrake.com] an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis [rotten.com] , glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual [goatse.fr] 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual [goatse.fr] practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.

And Red Hat [debian.org] is secret homo [comp-u-geek.net] slang for the tip of a penis [rotten.com] that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.

The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other [comp-u-geek.net] automatically.

The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously/anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no/opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.

More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.

Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows [amiga.com] users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!

Even the title 'Slashdot [geekizoid.com] ' originally referred to a homosexual [goatse.fr] practice. Slashdot [kuro5hin.org] of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals [goatse.fr] who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/ [eff.org] .

The editors of Slashdot [slashduh.org] also have homosexual [goatse.fr] names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement [pboy.com] . (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis [rotten.com] discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot [notslashdot.org] runs on Apache!

The Apache [microsoft.com] server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual [goatse.fr] activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.

And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.

To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS [apple.com] is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'

FEEDBACK

What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo [comp-u-geek.net] -calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.

You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual [goatse.fr] child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!

you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus [slashdot.org] , Slashdot

Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina [bodysnatchers.co.uk] to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator [hitler.org] .

ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson [rotten.com] causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism [zillabunny.com] .

Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h [slashdot.org] , Slashdot

Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 [xbox.com] sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!

dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT [linux.com] is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church [atheism.org] . Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.

Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man [stileproject.com] . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.

And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee [slashdot.org] , Slashdot

Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl [python.org] (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'

One scary thing about Perl [sun.com] is that it contains hidden homosexual [goatse.fr] messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual [goatse.fr] queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'

And PHP [perl.org] stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?

Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase [slashdot.org] , Slashdot

Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual [goatse.fr] Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.

That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord [atheism.org] 's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.

However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)

In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.

Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation [slashdot.org] . Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???

If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!

It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity [catholic.net] that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.

I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman [geocities.com] .

Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

What the fuck?

I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos [comp-u-geek.net] tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Well bugger me!

ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot

Fuck right off!

IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD [linux.org] , which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain [icopyright.com] . You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL [apple.com] (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted [rotten.com] cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat [adultmember.com] , but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.

Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual [goatse.fr] practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.

Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.

Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO [slashdot.org] by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?

Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.

ANUX -- A full Linux distribution... Up your ass!

A couple weeks ago, while (browsing around the library downtown|working late in the computer labs), I had to take a piss. As I entered the john, Barack Obama -- the messiah himself -- came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was busy and in any case I was sure the secret service wouldn't even let me shake his hand.

As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured. The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as his cock -- or at least as I imagined it!

I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a liberal democrat and had been on the Obama train since last year. Of course I'd had fantasies of meeting him, sucking his cock and balls, not to mention sucking his asshole clean, but I never imagined I would have the chance. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of Barack Obama, the chosen one.

Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract?

I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled.

I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big half nigger cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was that Barack Obama wasn't there to see my loyalty and wash it down with his piss.

I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit. It's even better than listening to an Obama speech!

Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my handkerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom.

I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.

I often think of Barack Obama dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful democrat.

I sat naked on the bench in the health club locker room, staring at the tiles on the floor between my feet, but really looking at nothing. I was waiting for Barack to decide to come up and talk to me. He was this muscular teenage nigger who frequented the club and had ruined my life in the last few weeks. I was ordered to sit naked on the bench without a towel or anything to cover my nakedness. I had to keep my legs spread and my cock and balls visible for the anyone in the locker room who wanted a look. I knew instantly that it had been a mistake to sign up at the inner city health club which was eighty percent black, but it was near my house and cheap which was even more important.

The harassment had started on my first visit. Dark skinned, muscular black boys bouncing around the locker room with their huge dicks and pendulous sacks of balls swinging, high fiving each other and laughing and rapping, and there I was, this moderately built white guy of thirty two.

I will never forget coming back from the shower and one chocolate skinned thug of about eighteen let out a "weeeeeeeow" kind of sound and then said very loudly to me, loudly enough for all his pals to hear, "White man, how the hell can you fuck wit such a small dick?" They all roared with laughter and I turned bright red. Before I left that first time, I met Barack. He eased up to me while I was packing my gym bag. He is one good looking darkie, I will say that for him. He flashed me a big white toothed smile and said he hoped I wasn't thinking of quitting the club. He said he was friends with the manager and they had my address and shit, and it would be really unfortunate if I decided to quit. Then he laid one large basketball player sized hand on my shoulder and said that he would see me at the same time the next day.

Well, that's how it started. It got worse each time I went to the club. Barack and the other niggers got me to get towels for them, had me scrub their backs in the shower, even made me pick their dirty stinking jock straps up off the floor. They sent their filthy jocks and socks home with me to wash for them.

Now let me state here once and for all, that I am in no way at all gay. I don't think I ever even had a gay thought. So all of this really repulsed me. They would brush up against me so their big fat black dicks rubbed my body. They would make constant jokes about me being a faggot.

So I had it out with Barack. I told him I was a single parent with a thirteen year old daughter and in no way gay, and I wanted to quit the club. That mention of my daughter was the biggest mistake of my life. Barack demanded to see a photo of her. Her name is Crissy. After that, all they talked about was "Crissy the Cunt" in the locker room.

"Some fourteen year old school boy probably shoving his dick in her right now while you is at da club." They would say things like that. Barack would ask, "Do you suppose she had ever sucked black dick?" I told them she was totally innocent, and they should keep their foul mouths to themselves. They beat the shit out of me.

I didn't go to the club for a week. All the windows were broken on my car, and my newspaper was stolen, and somebody pissed all over our door. I received a package at work, and when I opened it, there was a pile of shit in a box. I was going nuts with anguish. I thought of going to the police, but I knew I would face even worse if I did. So I went back to the club. That was two months ago. A lot had happened in those two months.

Now I sat waiting for Barack to speak with me. He walked up, stark naked. The first thing I saw were his huge brown feet next to me. I looked up at his long muscular legs. How could I miss the seven inch flaccid dick, thick as a flashlight and the ball sack that looked like it had oranges in it. It was fucking obscene. His stomach was hard and tight. His ass was one of those round tight nigger bubble butts. His chest well defined with large nipples. He had a killer smile, thick nigger lips, and dark flashing eyes that often looked drugged. He had only recently gotten out of reform school for molesting a girl on the playground.

"So, my man, how's that little dick of yours hangin'?"

I spread my legs wider so he could see my pathetic shriveled white prick and small ball sack. If I didn't keep myself on display for them at all times, they would have a wet towel snapping session where my scrotum was the target. It hurt like hell and was totally humiliating.

"So, bro, is everything set up for tomorrow?" He stood close to me...so close that his huge flaccid hunk of fuck meat brushed my shoulder. His dick was so huge, it was just fucking obscene, and that was in its flaccid state. He had not showered yet, and his body reeked of the nigger stink of his workout.

"Please. Please don't do this. I know I agreed, but that was after you had beaten me almost senseless. Please, isn't there some other way?"

He lifted one leg and put his foot on the bench next to me. His gigantic balls swung back and forth in their fleshy sack.

"Dere is no other fucking way, man. You don't wanna even think of what we gonna do to you next time you disobeys us. Dere is no other way. Now it so happens dat I needs me a new girlfriend, and your pretty little daughter fills da bill."

I felt my stomach turn over. I tried to relax, to breath deeply, but I felt like I was choking. This teenage nigger thug was talking about my daughter. My little Crissy. My thirteen year old angel. He had announced to me that he wanted her to become his girlfriend! Jesus Christ!

At first I had bluntly refused, letting my anger and disgust show. All the niggers in the club gathered around me, about fifteen of them, and Barack announced that I was racially prejudiced and didn't want him dating his white daughter. They started to slap and punch me.

"It's not that. Honest to God, I swear, it's not that you are black. It's that she is only thirteen. She's my innocent baby!"

Barack roared with laughter. "Any bitch of thirteen is totally ready for dick! She probably sucking da boys at school every day anyway by now." He looked at the photo of her which he had taken from me. "Yeah, she got real cocksucker lips, she shore do!"

"Oh God no, she's just a baby." I was crying in front of all of them.

"No, daddy, you gots it wrong. She is a babe...not a baby. Dat pretty little pussy is ready for some nigger popping!" Half the niggers surrounding me were getting hard ons, and I don't there there was one under eight and a half inches.

For weeks I had argued, begged, pleaded, tried to bargain with Barack, but he only wanted one thing. My daughter's virgin pussy. Once I stood up to them and told them I would go to the police. They had dragged me naked and screaming into the health club bathroom and forced me to eat turds out of the toilet bowl. I was sick for two days. The next time I went to the club, Barack had made me suck his dick. That was the first time I saw it erect. Over twelve inches of throbbing leaking nigger cock. I had a panic attack and literally tried to run out of the club. They held me down on a bench and Barack fed me his black fuck meat. His balls almost suffocated me. His dick choked me. He even made me suck his ass. What could I do? I agreed to let them have my daughter. I know, I am an awful man. A sinner. It is unforgivable, but I am scared out of my wits.

"So, tomorrow, I comes over to yo house dressed up real good. You introduce me to yo bitch daughter. Now when I sees her, dis is how I wants her dressed. A very tight tee shirt dat says printed on it, "I Love Nigga Dick!" She will wear no bra under it so I can see the tips of her budding little titties through the material. Den she is to wear her nice pleated cheer leader skirt like in da photo, only I don want her to wear no panties under it. From now on, yo daughter is forbidden to ever wear any panties. We want dat fresh young cunt and ass ready and available at all times. I want you to have some really top drawer booze at yo house ready for me. I am not sure what I will want, so you better have enough to satisfy me, whatever my taste might be. Who da fuck knows, I may want a cosmo, or maybe some of dat Louis XIII Brandy dat costs three hundred dollars. You better have it all. After I has a drink, you pretty little bitch and I gonna sit on da couch and get acquainted. Dat means you as da daddy get to watch me finger her cunt and play wit her titties. You gets to see her meet my big fat old dick and even lick and suck it a little. I always insists on sex on da first date, cause how else you know how a bitch perform, right? Shit, I insist on sex on every date. I mean dat is da only reason for da fucking date..to plow some pussy! Right? Otherwise I'd rather hang wit da home boys. Now she gonna be a little uptight and scared at firs...right? Specially when she see my dick and she know dat huge motherfucker is gonna plow her virgin twat! Oh yea, if she got any hair on her cunt yet, you make sure she shave it all off before tomorrow. I wanna see bald thirteen year old pussy."

While he said all of this to me at the health club, his dick got thicker and thicker and long strings of pre-fuck started to hang from the fat pisshole.

"Please don't hurt her...please." I was shaking in my naked agony.

"Hurt her? No why the fuck would I hurt my new girlfriend? I gonna love her. I gonna show her da pleasures of lovemaking. Shore, it gonna hurt a little da first time I ram my twelve and a half inch motherfucking dick balls deep into her tight little teenage pussy. Shore it gonna hurt when I pounds her as hard as I can, and den pull out and shove it as hard as I can up her little asshole. Shore dat gonna hurt a little, but dat is jus' part of growin' up. A her daddy, you understand dat. Right? Better to hab some nice boy like me who wants her for his girlfriend fucking her, den every boy at school who don't give a shit about her.

"Now don't you worry, I gonna take her into the bedroom to fuck her cunt and ass. I think dat is private. I mean, you can watch da first time she suck my balls and lick my dick and such. But fucking is between a guy and his girlfriend. I wants you dere at the start...at the sucking part, cause she is gonna be scared like I say, and you can calm her. Tell her it is a natural part of life, and she just gotta learn to please a man. She, she shoulda learned dat couple of years ago already. She is a late bloomer.

Now I am gonna want to use her bedroom for da first fuck,cause I wants to fuck her little bitch body in her teenage bed, wit all her teenage shit around. It will be so hot. But den, I is moving into your master bedroom. You can sleep on da couch. I wants a nice big bed and luxury for future fucks. I gotta fuck at least three times a day, usually more. Now of course I still going to be bangin' other cunt, but I will fuck your daughter regularly cause she is my number one girlfriend. My special bitch. I ain't gonna introduce her to my bros until after I fuck her for a week or so. Den when she broken in, I gonna share her with all da boys from dis here health club. Dere about twenty of us here as you know, so she gonna be pretty busy sucking nigga dick and getting ass and cunt fucked. We gonna do mos' of it over at yo house. You have lots of food dere at all times fo my brothers when dey comes over to fuck your daughter. Since she be fucking most every day all day and night from now on, I suggest you apply to home school her. Dat way, she don't even need to think about school and she can concentrate on nigga cock all da time."

"Please, please use condoms...." I had tears running down my face.

Barack roared with laughter. "Condoms? Shit...no. We never use condoms. It ruins da fuck. Dat little bitch gonna be pregnant in a couple of weeks at mos'. You gonna be da grand daddy of a nigga chile! And who knows. She young. If she stay tight enough and cute enough, maybe we fuck her for three or four years, you know, pass her around, pimp her out. Shit, she still young enough. She could hab five or six nigga babies! We don' allow no abortions. She gonna breed. Now my brothers and daddy be comin' over lots to fuck her too, so you better have lots of keys to yo house made, or jus' leave the fucking place unlocked. She don't leave da house without permission. I would hate it for both of you if some black bro comes over for a good hard fuck, and she not dere! Now I know you worried about her. Don' be. After a few days of getting nigga dick, she gonna love it so much, dat all she gonna live for. I seen it in young white bitches lots of times. Someday she gonna thank you for all dis. I mean how many girls her age so lucky to get ten to fifteen black cocks a day? Long as her pussy and asshole hold up, she be happy. One thing, she gonna hab to be a really good cocksucker, cause One thig is dat when da boys in my hood meet up wit guys from other gangs...we got dis thing. We hab our girlfriends suck da cocks of all da members of the other gangs, as kind of a peace signal, you know, a sign dat we is kewl and everything is okay. So she gonna pretty much hab a dick in her mouth twenty-four seven for da next few months. She gonna be sucking on nigga dick even when she getting fucked by my bros. Dis house gonna be pretty packed full of black boys! Now, after a bitch has sucked fifteen to twenty dicks a day, she often get a real tired jaw and swollen lips and a sore tongue, so you gonna have to tell her no matter how tired she get, da last dick of da day she suck, gets jus' as good a suck as da first one in da morning. You gotta make sue she understand that. I can't have no bad reports from rival gangs dat my bitch can't suck!

Now we gots one more problem. Da little bitch gonna be so busy getting fucked and sucking dick, she ain't gonna hab no proper time to clean up da dicks after dey fuck her cunt and ass! You know it da bitch's job to clean a dick wit her mouth after a brother fuck her. I mean, you can't expect a brother to walk around wit pussy slime or ass juice on his dick. But she gonna be so busy, she ain't always gonna hab time to clean up, so you my friend is going to have to step up to da plate to help her. You gonna be the official dick cleaner. You gonna lick and suck da dicks clean after dey fuck yo bitch of a daughter. I want you naked on you hands and knees at all times around da house, ready to lick and suck dick clean. And you gonna do a fine job too, I just know it. You get all dat stink off da cock. Maybe you can entertain da brothers waiting next in line to fuck yo daughter too by lickig dere balls and assholes. I never thought of dat until just now. Hot damn, dat is a good idea, ain't it? So dey don't get bored while dey waitin. And den, to keep your daughter fresh and tight, after every three or four fucks, you gonna crawl in and suck the nigga cum right outta her pussy and asshole. Think how great dat is. You gonna get to suck some thirteen year old pussy and asshole! How lucky is dat? You gonna clean out her cunt real good with yo tongue so it is ready for da next nigga.

We gonna be da happiest family you ever seen! Now come on, white boy, suck my dick, can't you see it dripping all over da floor?"

I put my mouth over the head of the huge leaking hunk of fuckmeat, and resigned myself and my daughter to our new destiny.

Re:Apple Newton (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812902)

[snip]

Richard M. Stallman [geocities.com]

[snip]

Natalie Portman [geocities.com]

[snip]

Sorry to nitpick, but I just wanted to inform you that Geocities isn't around any more. If you could change your template, it would be appreciated. Thanks in Advance

- A. C.

Re:Apple Newton (1)

IshmaelDS (981095) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814280)

It just struck me, and yes this is completely off topic, that we should have a "Troll Feeding" mod, cause this guy isn't really a troll, but he is definatly feeding them. ah well, just my random thought for the day

Re:Apple Newton (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812712)

And fanboys across the net are screaming due to the fact that the article doesn't make any reference to Steve Jobs or his holy grail.

Re:Apple Newton (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812766)

I thought it was about the PBS show. With Ira Flatow

Re:Apple Newton (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813046)

The english way of capitalizing words in titles doesn't help either.

Re:Apple Newton (1)

Hognoxious (631665) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814110)

Names of companies and branded products are usually capitalized anyway, title or not.

As, for future reference, are names of countries and words derived therefrom.

Re:Apple Newton (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30818032)

There are no names of companies or branded products in this summary.

Re:Apple Newton (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30818138)

Summary (what you wrote now) != title (what you wrote before).

And did I imagine a company called Apple, who made a handheld device called the Newton?

Fortunately (3, Funny)

snarkh (118018) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813122)

Newton's apple was better received than Apple's Newton.

What are you talking about? (1)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814852)

It wasn't received well at all. It fell flat on the ground!

Re:Apple Newton (1)

Thelasko (1196535) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813812)

It took me a couple of minutes to realize the story was not about the Television [wikipedia.org] Show. [youtube.com]

Re:Apple Newton (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813840)

Now that you mention it: The Newton's character recognition results do look a lot like the writer was hit in the head by a falling object.

Re:Apple Newton (1)

OldSoldier (168889) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813912)

It took me a couple minutes to realize the story was not about the Apple Newton, leading into the rumored Apple Tablet...

I didn't realize technology had such a hold on my perception of current and past events, as well as common sense.

Me too. And add another one... I also couldn't tell if it meant the background development of the TV show "Newton's Apple" [wikipedia.org]

Gravity (1)

MacWiz (665750) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816190)

Gravity is just the scientific way of saying the planet sucks. Newton was trying to avoid the plague at the time, which is why he was in his country home, if I'm not mistaken. /The first sentence was sarcasm //The second is just a random fact ///No, I did not look it up.

Re:Gravity (1)

AniVisual (1373773) | more than 4 years ago | (#30817282)

Nope, gravity is the scientific way of saying that everything sucks. cf. vacuum, the scientific way of saying that even when you don't have anything at all, it still sucks.

There is no apple... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812630)

Then you'll see, it is not the apple that falls, it is only yourself.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812746)

Listen to what Neil DeGrasse Tyson has to say about Newton:

Neil DeGrasse Tyson on the Genius of Sir Isaac Newton [bigthink.com]

I 100% agree. BTW you should look into Tyson's works too. He's a pretty intelligent, smart person.

Re:Neil DeGrasse Tyson (1)

Arthur Grumbine (1086397) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813630)

He's a pretty intelligent, smart person.

That's racist!

It doesn't matter what the truth is (4, Interesting)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812752)

A lot of times, the truth isn't relevant. We have made many heroes in society, and we didn't do it for them: We did it for ourselves. A lot of people we call heroes don't deserve it. Many of them didn't do anything at all. For example, United Airlines Flight 93: We have o objective proof of any kind that the passengers staged any kind of revolt, save a vague phone call. But we deified them into heroes after the tragedy as a symbol of hope. It doesn't matter whether the story is true or not. We needed something to symbolize strength and found it there.

It doesn't matter if the Apple hit Newton on the head or not. What matters is that it is a colorful story that explains the spirit of scientific discovery. It's the same with Einstein -- how many different ways has popular culture misattributed his discovery of the theory of relativity, or attributed a quote to Einstein that was really by somebody else (or made up). The story of Einstein endures as much because of his scientific achievement as because of popular culture stories that give people hope. Specifically, the hope that if they are smart and study hard, they can achieve great things. Today's sociological research rejects the contention that intelligence has any real bearing on success -- success is a combination of factors, of which intelligence can sometimes help a person.

We use stories and heroes in scientific literature the same as in any other: To convey our values. As far as I'm concerned, the Apple hit Newton on the head--even if it didn't.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (5, Informative)

jandoedel (1149947) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812844)

No. Truth actually matters a lot for scientists...

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813388)

Hahaha... wait, you were serious?

Most scientists don't give a shit about truth, most care about money and fame, now THAT IS TRUTH, NOT A TROLL.
Even better if they can get there without doing a bit of work and taking all the glory for the "discovery".

Just because someone works in the science fields doesn't mean to say you can automatically rule them out of jealousy, corruption and greed.
And nowhere else is this as apparent as it is in the drugs industry.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (3, Informative)

dan828 (753380) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813584)

Money and fame? In science? WTF you been smoking? Most scientists get paid fuck all, work long hours, and even the top ones in their field are mostly unknown to most everyone but their others that work in the same field.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Insightful)

Gerafix (1028986) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813806)

Yeah, that's why you see all those darn greedy attention whoring scientists on American Idol.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

hanabal (717731) | more than 4 years ago | (#30817402)

I think you meant managers with the drug reference. the scientists, while not exactly free from blame, are just doing their jobs

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

Hurricane78 (562437) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815776)

Well Einstein’s relativity already fucked it up pretty good. In a relative universe, there is little absolute truth.
But only in duet with Heisenberg was it finally a FUBAR of epic proportions. Now truth is only whatever you look at. And since everyone is standing at a different relative point in spacetime, everyone sees everything differently. ;)

Without us constantly ignoring that all we know is interpreted by our brain, after being processed by our senses, after mostly coming out of a second or even third or fourth hand, with no proof at all that the result that we then store, defined trough its relativity, is in any way related to any “truth”, we would go completely and utterly crazy...

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

Hurricane78 (562437) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816010)

P.S.: No, I was not completely serious! ^^

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (3, Informative)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812910)

Actually we do have evidence that the passengers of flight 93 tried to break into the cockpit, namely the flight recorders record the hijackers discussing the revolt.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1, Insightful)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813020)

Actually we do have evidence that the passengers of flight 93 tried to break into the cockpit, namely the flight recorders record the hijackers discussing the revolt.

We don't know who may have been trying to break into the cockpit, only that there were signs of a struggle on the other side of the door. For all we know, the passengers could have been fighting amongst themselves. There's no way for anyone to know what really happened on the other side of that door. But every one of them, whether they did something or not, was declared a hero and there are plaques all over the country listing their names.

This was my only point: It doesn't matter what they did, what matters is that the story of people fighting back displays a cultural value that we needed to reinforce after 9/11. We don't make people heroes because of what they do, we make them heroes because of what we need.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813240)

Sorry. You were saying something?

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Informative)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813264)

Could you please at least consult wikipedia before saying stuff like this? Directly from the wiki:

Another hijacker responded, "No. Not yet. When they all come, we finish it off."

The hijackers were in fact aware that the passengers were revolting and trying to get into the cockpit. Read the damned article if you don't believe me.

So yeah, you don't really have a point.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (-1, Flamebait)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814222)

Could you please at least consult wikipedia before saying stuff like this? Directly from the wiki:

Let me try again:

YOU CANNOT PROVE WHAT ANY ONE PERSON WAS DOING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT DOOR.

I would add exclamation points too, if I thought it would help get that point into your thick skull. As a group maybe they were staging a revolt. Probably they were. But we don't know who participated and who didn't, and yet we made every one of them a hero.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Insightful)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814288)

Wow, I didn't resort to childish insults, but you alas you lack such maturity. Why would the hijackers make up something like that? For giggles? Why would they crash the plane before reaching their target? For kicks? By your standard of "proof" we cannot prove anything because there were not witnesses. There aren't witnesses to a lot of plane crashes and yet we can figure out what happened. Ditto for murders.

By the way, you oh so conveniently switched your argument from the passengers as a group(and no evidence they staged a revolt other than a vague phone call), and I quote:

United Airlines Flight 93: We have o objective proof of any kind that the passengers staged any kind of revolt, save a vague phone call.

to an argument that says we cannot prove which passengers staged the revolt. Bravo! Bravo! You win the slashdot argument award, ie prove I'm right no matter how much I have to change my definition of right.

Again, congrats on the name calling!

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0, Flamebait)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814452)

Wow, I didn't resort to childish insults,

No, just being thick, which is frustrating enough as it is without you being a pompous ass to boot.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0, Flamebait)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814772)

Being thick = disproving you?

You have that story all wrong... (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813932)

You've got the story all wrong. While it's true that the hijackers, not the passengers, downed that flight, there's plenty of evidence (from the flight recorder and elsewhere) that they did it because the passengers were trying to retake the plane.

And it's a good thing that people have their example, because passengers resisting the terrorists for fear of their lives is what has stopped every attempted terrorist after them. Sure, their bombs probably wouldn't work, but lucky for us, the passengers made sure they didn't have much time to work on them. That alone is far more helpful than all the crazy scanners and useless rules we've added since then.

Re:You have that story all wrong... (1)

Tacvek (948259) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814778)

Exactly. Only two changes post 9/11 have significantly increased airplane security. One is that passengers are now aware that they should resist hijackers (or other possible terrorists, like somebody licking their shoelaces on fire), and the reinforced cockpit doors. We change pretty much every else back to pre-9/11 standards and we save a ton of money, and reduce aggravation by a very significant amount, with virtually no decrease in actual security.

Re:You have that story all wrong... (1)

Foobar of Borg (690622) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815474)

And it's a good thing that people have their example, because passengers resisting the terrorists for fear of their lives is what has stopped every attempted terrorist after them. Sure, their bombs probably wouldn't work, but lucky for us, the passengers made sure they didn't have much time to work on them. That alone is far more helpful than all the crazy scanners and useless rules we've added since then.

Exactly! Apart from basic baggage scanning to make sure there are no bombs, we really just need to make sure every passenger who is able brings a baseball bat (or equivalent) on board.

9/11 could potentially have ended like this:
Atta: [brandishing box cutter] We're taking over this plane!
Passenger: [thwack! thwack!] No, you're not.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30812942)

girlintraining [slashdot.org] , you are my hero. Actually, you're not, but that's irrelevant, the point is that I could have predicted 99% of the posts in this thread, but your post was refreshingly different, it gives me hope that living in denial is not such a bad thing as long as believing in fairy tales has some positive effect on society.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813090)

girlintraining ... your post was refreshingly different

Actually, I thought the most refreshing part of the comment was I didn't even realize it was her. She didn't mention her gender or sexuality at all!

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813200)

A rare event, indeed.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813152)

it gives me hope that living in denial is not such a bad thing as long as believing in fairy tales has some positive effect on society.

I know you're trying to be funny, but science isn't much different than other faith systems: It is a method of inquiry, it has certain things that are beyond question (axiomic), and it seeks to answer fundamental questions about the universe. It also believes in fairy tales like zombie cats in boxes, as a way of conveying values and knowledge of the world. Even a broken model can yield useful results -- likewise for our cultural stories. They don't have to be based in fact to have relevance and value in our lives.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

xaxa (988988) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813604)

What?

Science doesn't require any beliefs, and anything that's found to be incorrect is abandoned (you know what I mean).

Plenty of science has nothing to do with any fundamental questions. That's people, not science.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814268)

Science doesn't require any beliefs, and anything that's found to be incorrect is abandoned (you know what I mean).

Belief, def: "confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof."

Axiom, def.: a universally accepted principle or rule.

Interesting, isn't it, how close those two definitions are to each other. Science does, in fact, depend on believing things that can't be proved.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815582)

Axioms are part of maths, not science.

Interesting, isn't it, how close those two definitions are to each other.

By "close", you mean different. Axioms are chosen because they have useful properties in forming a set of mathematics that we are interested in.

No one is required to believe an axiom to be true - in fact, this is clearly not the case, as we can take different axioms, and build different mathematical systems from them. It's no more a "belief" than me choosing what colour t-shirt I'm going to wear today.

Science does, in fact, depend on believing things that can't be proved.

Such as?

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30815848)

Bull.

Science accepts without question that humans are reasonable, logical, and observant. If a proof of that is neccessary, then we are in terrible times indeed. Everything else in Science follows from propositional logic and is therefore falsifiable, meaning that we do not have a "Belief" in those results. We only have a "Belief" in the scientific process.

Really,

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Insightful)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814152)

It is a method of inquiry, it has certain things that are beyond question (axiomic), and it seeks to answer fundamental questions about the universe.

So not at all like religion, which doesn't inquire, and doesnt answer those questions.

It also believes in fairy tales like zombie cats in boxes, as a way of conveying values and knowledge of the world.

There is no belief. Presumably you're referring to the thought experiment in quantum mechanics which is just that, a thought experiement. No one claims this cat in a box exists. And the claims about what might happen in that experiment are supported by overwhelming amounts of evidence.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (-1, Troll)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814532)

Religion does make inquiries. It just happens to be that those inquiries are directed towards a static text.

There is no belief. Presumably you're referring to...

No, I'm referring to the whole of mathematics, one of the cornerstones of science. Science also has a few tenets of faith, like occam's razor. You can run from these basic truths all you want, but when you boil it all down, science is based on a finite number of beliefs, from which every conclusion it can make is derived from.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Informative)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815578)

No, I'm referring to the whole of mathematics, one of the cornerstones of science.

Maths isn't science, but even so, it still doesn't require beliefs. And whilst we're at it, science and maths aren't people - they don't and can't have beliefs.

So come on, what are these "fairy tales like zombie cats in boxes" you allege are asserted by maths or science, or whatever it is you are saying?

Science also has a few tenets of faith, like occam's razor.

That's not a requirement of science, nor a belief - it's a principle that makes science either (by making models not more complex than they need be).

You can run from these basic truths all you want, but when you boil it all down, science is based on a finite number of beliefs, from which every conclusion it can make is derived from.

Conclusions are made from observation and evidence.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816164)

Maths isn't science, but even so, it still doesn't require beliefs.

Okay, well, when you stop believing that the angles of a triangle add up to 180 degrees, let me know how that works out for you. Axioms are beliefs: They're taken as true and do not require proofs.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

xaxa (988988) | more than 4 years ago | (#30817384)

There are several ways to prove that the angles in a triangle sum to 180 [cut-the-knot.org] .

Axioms in mathematics vary, but here [wikipedia.org] are the most common. It's a while since I studied this, but the first one means (I think), "starting from zero, and counting upwards, we will never again get zero". The second one means something roughly like "for all x and all y, if the successor of x (i.e. x+1) is equal to the successor of y (i.e. y+1) then x is equal to y".

Axioms don't require proofs, but they do require a strict (and preferably very narrow) definition.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

arethuza (737069) | more than 4 years ago | (#30818256)

The angles of a triangle don't have to add up to 180 degrees if you consider Non-Euclidean Geometries.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30818792)

Okay, well, when you stop believing that the angles of a triangle add up to 180 degrees

I don't believe that. In the 19th Century, mathematicians constructed non-Euclidean geometries [wikipedia.org] , and those work out just fine.

I only believe that the angles of a triangle add up to 180 degrees given those certain initial axioms of Euclidean geometry. But nowhere do I believe those axioms are true. In terms of mathematics, there is no need for us to believe any one set of axioms to be true. In terms of the physical universe, in fact we may well live in a Universe where the angles of a triangle don't add up to 180 degrees - the way to determine this is through observation and evidence.

I'm still curious what you meant by "fairy tales like zombie cats in boxes"?

Berthold Brecht said, in Galileo (1)

Kupfernigk (1190345) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813416)

"Unglücklich das Land, das keinen Helden hat", entgegnet Galilei im Theaterstück, "Unglücklich das Land, das Helden nötig hat."

(Unlucky is the land that has no heroes....unlucky is the land that needs heroes". Sadly, the fact that the US has such a need of heroes points to something wrong in the US psyche. I have sometimes felt that the US need for heroes derives, in fact, from a fear caused by the lack of social security and medical security in the US. Social democracies like Sweden don't need heroes.

I would also add that sociological research says no such thing, and I challenge you to produce a list of reputable papers that suggest that IQ is not correlated with income or social class, other than popsci books.

Re:Berthold Brecht said, in Galileo (1)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814150)

I would also add that sociological research says no such thing, and I challenge you to produce a list of reputable papers that suggest that IQ is not correlated with income or social class, other than popsci books.

How about the American Psychological Association...

"The validity of IQ as a predictor of job performance is above zero for all work studied to date, but varies with the type of job and across different studies, ranging from 0.2 to 0.6." Source [wikipedia.org] ... "The American Psychological Association's report Intelligence: Knowns and Unknowns states that other individual characteristics such as interpersonal skills, aspects of personality etc. are probably of equal or greater importance."

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

AthanasiusKircher (1333179) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813580)

A lot of times, the truth isn't relevant.

Yes, like when you don't care about something. This is a story that talks about whether something actually happened. The truth matters in such a case.

It doesn't matter if the Apple hit Newton on the head or not. What matters is that it is a colorful story that explains the spirit of scientific discovery.

There are lots of wonderful, "colorful" stories in history. We don't need to make them up to have examples of "the spirit of scientific discovery."

It's the same with Einstein -- how many different ways has popular culture misattributed his discovery of the theory of relativity, or attributed a quote to Einstein that was really by somebody else (or made up).

Lots. But if I want to know what Einstein actually thought about something, I want to know whether he actually said it. That's a matter of history.

The story of Einstein endures as much because of his scientific achievement as because of popular culture stories that give people hope. Specifically, the hope that if they are smart and study hard, they can achieve great things.

Yeah... um, Einstein's story would be inspirational even if we didn't make things up about him or assign quotations to him that he didn't say. So what's your point?

We use stories and heroes in scientific literature the same as in any other: To convey our values. As far as I'm concerned, the Apple hit Newton on the head--even if it didn't.

You know, you sort of have an argument here, but then you take it too far. Certainly when we write history, we choose certain people to write about and certain stories to tell about them. We choose certain facts out of the historical record to construct a narrative, and in the process, we might take some things out of context.

But there's a difference between selecting some historical facts to construct a story and actually making stories up out of events that didn't happen.

Historians sometimes get it wrong. But the reasoning of "well, we can just make up a story about history to express our values" is what starts you down the slippery slope to rewriting history for political reasons, burning history books, and even things like holocaust denial.

I know you would probably say that's exaggeration. But if you give up the idea of a "historical fact," where do you actually draw the line?

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (2, Interesting)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814116)

I can understand "It doesn't really matter if an apple hit him on the head or not, so let's stop trying to decide if it really happened".

But I'm not so sure about "It doesn't really matter if an apple hit him on the head or not, so let's claim it to be true". The argument about stories sounds worryingly close to the "They're just stories, honest" arguments made when religious people make claims about things being true, when we have no evidence for them.

Specifically, the hope that if they are smart and study hard, they can achieve great things. Today's sociological research rejects the contention that intelligence has any real bearing on success -- success is a combination of factors, of which intelligence can sometimes help a person.

So surely this is an example of where the truth does matter, and where it may be an issue for people to believe that "if they are smart and study hard, they can achieve great things" when actually that isn't true?

The thing that annoys me about the apple story is that it creates the impression that it's ideas that are important - it wasn't the insight, intellect and hard work in developing calculus and formulating a theory of gravity that mattered, rather that it all came in an instant with a single idea. It's this thought process that leads people to thinking that any idea they have is important - as opposed to what you do with it. It also leads to claims that ideas should be protected, for example, through copyright or patent law.

Finally someone who can address the myth! (2, Funny)

Zero__Kelvin (151819) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814974)

"A lot of times, the truth isn't relevant."

I've suspected you were Melinda Gates for some time now, but this is the first time I have been unable to uncover any direct evidience. Is it true that a computer fell on Bill's head and inspired him to discover the GUI and pay someone to write Windows?

Another example: "God" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30814982)

No proof he/she/it exists, but sometimes this construct can be used to do good.

The keyword here: SOMETIMES.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

sonamchauhan (587356) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816870)

"We have o objective proof of any kind that the passengers staged any kind of revolt, save a vague phone call. "

This statement has been comprehensively debunked in the thread below, and you would be wise to retract it.

Re:It doesn't matter what the truth is (1)

idji (984038) | more than 4 years ago | (#30817298)

I think you believe the Bible too, all of it - including the first page. Or this is your consolation why the "others" believe the Bible.

not news (2, Interesting)

trb (8509) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812786)

If you web search for the text, you will find it quoted in various web pages and books (not all recent).

for example, search for this text:

"amidst other discourse he told me he was just in the same situation"

Re:not news (1)

bcrowell (177657) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816390)

If you web search for the text, you will find it quoted in various web pages and books (not all recent).

You're right, e.g., this page [sussex.ac.uk] seems to have the whole text of the book. However, (a) it is kind of cool to see it so directly, as written by one of Newton's contemporaries, and (b) very few people probably know about it. I'm a physics teacher, and I've been telling people for years that the story was probably true because Newton's niece remembered him telling it to her. I'd never heard that Stukeley also attested to the story. Here's my own transcription of the relevant page [onlineculture.co.uk] .

After dinner, the weather being warm, we went into the garden and drank tea under the shade of some apple trees, only he and myself. Amidst other discourse, he told me, he was just in the same situation, as when formerly, the notion of gravitation came into his mind. Why should that apple always descend perpendicularly to the ground, thought he to himself, occasioned by the fall of an apple, as he sat in a contemplative mood. Why should it not go sideways, or upwards? but constantly to the earth's center? Assuredly the reason is, that the earth draws it. There must be a drawing power in matter. The sum of the drawing power in the matter of the earth must be in the earth's center, not in any side of the earth. Therefore does this apple fall perpendicularly or toward the center. If matter that draws matter, it must be in proportion to its quantity. Therefore the apple draws the earth as the earth draws the apple.

There's also the question of whether the story was actually true. This page [trivia-library.com] quotes Gauss as saying, "Undoubtedly, the occurrence was something of this sort: There comes to Newton a stupid importunate man, who asks him how he hit upon his great discovery. Newton. . . wanted to get rid of the man [and] told him that an apple fell on his nose; and this made the matter quite clear to the man, and he went away satisfied." Actually the Stukeley quote doesn't sound like that at all. It sounds more like Stukely was hanging out with his friend Newton, who was probably somewhere on the Asperger-autism spectrum, and Newton suddenly saw something that triggered a memory, and proceeded to give his friend a total core-dump on his scientific theory.

One of the reasons historians tend to be skeptical about this kind of thing is that scientists tend to rewrite history in order to make themselves seem more original, and their accomplishments more amazing. It's more glamorous to think that Miles Davis played jazz based on pure inspiration. It's less glamorous to imagine Miles Davis practicing scales and arpeggios for hour after hour. You get into similar issues when you try to figure out whether or not Einstein was really influenced by the Michelson-Morley experiment or not.

Newton was quite a character. He was actually more interested in alchemy and arian [wikipedia.org] theology than in physics. If his religious views had been public, he'd have been prosecuted as a heretic for sure. He may have been gay (which would have been another way to get in big legal trouble in that century). (But don't believe the B.S. meme that he was an astrologer. He specifically went on record as saying that he looked into astrology and thought it was stupid.)

My eyes! (1)

Zerth (26112) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812826)

All those s/f things make my eyes bleed. I'm glad that dropped out of modern handwriting, but the new s isn't much better.

Die, handwriting cursive script. Block letters or fancy computer fonts for everyone.

Blogs (0)

symes (835608) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812898)

This is the problem with the modern world. No one will write books about how important events unfolded, how chance occurrences led great minds to think through problems in new ways, and where and how the great and the good were inspired. Stuff just gets blogged, lost in an electronic ocean of mediocrity and then accidentially deleted. The next generations are just going to be left with incompatible file formats.

Re:Blogs (2, Insightful)

_Sprocket_ (42527) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813222)

Blogs are roaming the earth yet best seller lists continue on. Go figure.

Re:Blogs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813608)

1) Several Archiving agencies crawl blogs
2) several companies attempt to back this information on to human readable storage, such as microfiche, paper and the like. (human readable without computers to be precise)
Some have even went as far as creating a disc writer that literally burns the data on to the disc for long term storage. (and using tougher materials for the disc of course)
This won't help if computers get destroyed and we got sent back in to the "stupid" ages, but when you consider that, i don't think many people would care much about someone's rant on Avatar.
3) We have even more efficient ways of writing now, it is called the printer. And a lot of people still print documentation, politics, current events, etc.
Newspapers alone are one of the largest archives of current goings-on these days. (even if some are corrupt)
And again, printing someone's thoughts on Avatar or the countless other trillion pointless thoughts that go through peoples blogs each day, i think i would have to file this one under Not An Issue.
I can't see historians in 100-200+ years time caring in the slightest that Tony247 was unhappy with the 4th Spiderman movie, or that JessicaHotStuff hates men and is going lesbian. The general popularity of films is already listed in paper now, as are countless reviews.
Just because someone can speak to X listeners, doesn't mean what they say has any worth, just look at /b/ on 4chan.

Re:Blogs (3, Insightful)

ultramk (470198) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813792)

Right, because nobody [amazon.com] writes [amazon.com] about [amazon.com] stuff [w3.org] like [randomhouse.com] that [nap.edu] any [amazon.com] more. [amazon.com]

Hey man, just cause you're not reading them, doesn't mean they aren't being written. You also seem to think that writing is a zero-sum game: that the more is blogged, the less is published in a more permanent fashion. It just ain't so: today's blog is often just a more sharable and immediate addition to lab notes. The phrase is still "publish or perish", not "post or perish".

Re:Blogs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813836)

You seem to be leveling the impression that the immodern world was a paragon of record-keeping and preservation. I don't think that's actually the case.

Imagine (1)

SnarfQuest (469614) | more than 4 years ago | (#30812948)

Imagine a beowulf cluster of falling apples....

Oh, this isnt about the Mac, is it?

Re:Imagine (1)

Ihmhi (1206036) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813516)

I imagine it would look something like this [youtube.com] .

Trinity College ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813016)

... is at Cambridge, not Oxford.

Unless there's another one hiding in there somewhere, I dunno.

Re:Trinity College ... (1)

reverseengineer (580922) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813108)

There's a Trinity College at both Cambridge and at Oxford: Trinity College, Oxford. [ox.ac.uk]

Re:Trinity College ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813140)

My apologies, I assumed it was a typo and should have read Cambridge due to the Newton connection!

Mea Culpa.

Re:Trinity College ... (1)

Sulphur (1548251) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816278)

There's a Trinity College at both Cambridge and at Oxford: Trinity College, Oxford.

That makes it handy for OxBridge students.

Cue apple fanbois in 3 2 1 (2, Funny)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813162)

I'm partial to Granny Smith, Pink Ladies, and Honeycrisp myself. I bet Newton's apple was a generic unnamed variety.

Re:Cue apple fanbois in 3 2 1 (1)

wbackner (1417725) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813594)

Jonagolds can be quite juice and tasty as well.

Re:Cue apple fanbois in 3 2 1 (1)

filthpickle (1199927) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813620)

Red and yellow speckled skin on an apple is saying "come here monkey...this tastes good".

red delicious my ass.

Re:Cue apple fanbois in 3 2 1 (1)

BobNET (119675) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813674)

I bet Newton's apple was a generic unnamed variety.

Flower of Kent [wikipedia.org] , maybe...

Again?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813198)

Is it just me or every other slashdot story is about apple?!

back to Eden (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30813268)

regardless of the story's veracity as fact, it is symbolically sound:

The fruit from the tree of knowledge, under the power of gravity, fell and struck Newton in the centre of his intellect.

Re:back to Eden (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30814738)

Only problem there is that the tree of knowledge was probably not an apple. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbidden_fruit Honestly though, who's splitting hairs if we're getting symbolic?

I for one, will buy it (5, Funny)

nilbog (732352) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813398)

Man the rumors on this new force thing are really ramping up leading up to Apple's expected event at the end of the month. I've heard some people claim that it is a whole new force while others are just complaining "aww... it's just another form of the same old electromagnetism we've seen."

Whatever it is, Apple doesn't disappoint very often. I've heard speculation that they'll be calling it "iGravity" or something similar. Now this headline is saying that it will go online somehow. I can't wait!

Re:I for one, will buy it (1)

mdwh2 (535323) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814190)

They invented calculus, dont you know.

Well actually they were beaten to it by some German company a few hundred years earlier. But Apple's version "works better", it just does, honest!

This is why ... (3, Funny)

PPH (736903) | more than 4 years ago | (#30813794)

... gravity wsn't discovered by a Hawaiian scientist. It would have been a coconut and he would have been killed when it hit his head. No theory of gravity.

Re:This is why ... (2, Interesting)

radtea (464814) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814564)

It would have been a coconut and he would have been killed when it hit his head. No theory of gravity.

Although it is true that falling coconuts kill more people every year than sharks, it is not clear why you think Newton was hit on the head by an apple.

The text makes it obvious he was seeing an apple fall (probably more than one if he really sat in an orchard for any length of time. It's fairly rare that we have an opportunity to observe a freely falling object from a distance, and orchards are excellent places for such observation.

Newton's reflections as reported by Stukeley are just what one would expect of genius, as well: he asks himself why something that is commonplace and taken for granted happens the way it does, rather than just assuming "well of course that's the way it happens... how else could it be?" He imagines the apply falling sideways, or upwards, and realizes that it's fall is always perpendicular to the surface of the Earth, which is to say toward the centre, rather than toward any other part of it.

I guess if non-scientists historians were reading this over the last 300 years they might have "debunked" it based on their ignorance of the way scientists think, but it seems quite plausible to me, and the sort of thing a mere biographer at the outset of the scientific revolution would be unlikely to be able to invent so plausibly.

Re:This is why ... (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815826)

Although it is true that falling coconuts kill more people every year than sharks,

And we haven't even addressed those diabolical coconuts with lasers....

Re:This is why ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#30816006)

it was a joke. you try to come off like you know something but the fact is that you look like a fucking fool. and whatever dipshit modded you up is a humorless gimp too.

"Multi-breasted female figure" (2, Interesting)

Macblaster (94623) | more than 4 years ago | (#30814290)

There is a more important mystery here than whether Newton actually saw an apple fall. Please see this illustration in Stukeley's memoir [onlineculture.co.uk] .

The caption explains what I am seeing: "Newton’s face is shown in profile, in the style of a medallion and supported by a multi-breasted female figure."

The caption does not explain why I am seeing it.

Re:"Multi-breasted female figure" (1)

electrons_are_brave (1344423) | more than 4 years ago | (#30815902)

Gawd, he was an ugly bugger.

Re:"Multi-breasted female figure" (1)

theGreater (596196) | more than 4 years ago | (#30816554)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ursa_Major#Mythology [wikipedia.org]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemis#Artemis_as_the_Lady_of_Ephesus [wikipedia.org]

Short version -- Artemis as the Lady of Ephesus was depicted with "accessory breasts", and is related to the constellation Ursa via legend. AFAICT it's just decoration.

FWIW,
-theGreater.

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