Beta
×

Welcome to the Slashdot Beta site -- learn more here. Use the link in the footer or click here to return to the Classic version of Slashdot.

Thank you!

Before you choose to head back to the Classic look of the site, we'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts on the Beta; your feedback is what drives our ongoing development.

Beta is different and we value you taking the time to try it out. Please take a look at the changes we've made in Beta and  learn more about it. Thanks for reading, and for making the site better!

Anti Terror Honor System

CmdrTaco posted more than 4 years ago | from the yeah-that'll-work-out-fine dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 74

Fortunately for us, the FAA has imposed the honor system as our next best defense against terrorism. Hopefully this will allow them to increase the volume of non-bladder liquid I'm allowed to take on planes.

cancel ×

74 comments

Sorry! There are no comments related to the filter you selected.

Uhm.... (5, Informative)

bsDaemon (87307) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146124)

This is a link to College Humor... did Taco even mouse over? Why is this on the front page? Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

Re:Uhm.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146168)

Since it's under the Technology heading, I have to assume College Humor is using some new Flash prototype. ;)

Re:Uhm.... (1)

c0mpliant (1516433) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146182)

I was just thinking the same thing... Surely this is something for idle?

Re:Uhm.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31152246)

It is, and stop calling me Shirley

Re:Uhm.... (1)

courteaudotbiz (1191083) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146192)

Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

I guess this is why it is tagged "Idle"...

Re:Uhm.... (2, Interesting)

bsDaemon (87307) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146218)

yeah, i just noticed that, but typically idle crap is under the idle heading and i don't have to look at tags i usually ignore anyway. i guess that's what i get for trying to read the article.

Re:Uhm.... (1)

courteaudotbiz (1191083) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146262)

Well, some Idle stories make it to the main page. But I agree that usually, they're worth it, not like this one which is total garbage...

Re:Uhm.... (1)

Brian Gordon (987471) | more than 4 years ago | (#31149290)

They don't make it to my main page - it's disabled. Unless someone marks it Technology of course...

Poop Dog. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146266)

Poop dog, baby. POOP DOG.

I'm incapable of laughter you insensitive clod! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146524)

Oops that was meant for the Slashdot editor, not you.

Re:I'm incapable of laughter you insensitive clod! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146544)

That's OK, it's from College Humor, it's not funny.

Re:Uhm.... (2, Informative)

Arthur Grumbine (1086397) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146930)

I'm pretty sure this is actually an accurate representation of South Carolina's advice [slashdot.org] for the TSA.

Re:Uhm.... (1)

Geoffrey.landis (926948) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147954)

I read news, and I also do read humor, but I agree, I like it when they're correctly labelled as to which is which.

Re:Uhm.... (1)

newdsfornerds (899401) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148054)

I agree. The collegehumor.com video wasn't all the funny either. Colbert could pull stuff better than that out of his hat before he's had his coffee.

GAY people are terrorists (0, Troll)

NSN A392-99-964-5927 (1559367) | more than 4 years ago | (#31152930)

This is a link to College Humor... did Taco even mouse over? Why is this on the front page? Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

haha ahaha muhAHAHA

Re:Uhm.... (1)

dugeen (1224138) | more than 4 years ago | (#31153628)

We aren't wasting our employers' time. We're keeping abreast of developments in the industry. In fact, I'm using my break time to do so, so really I'm entitled to credit rather than reproach.

yes (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146130)

yes.

Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terror" (4, Insightful)

Gopal.V (532678) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146146)

I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

But it makes sense as a sort of "But ... but ... but ... he said so!" legal CYA move. (Wait, CYA ... that sounds like something else).

I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you. And it seems to work for them, especially since they back it up with the kind of stuff Mossad did at Entebe (despite the international legalities of doing so),

The video is actually fairly funny, heh the "never do it again".

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (2, Insightful)

The MAZZTer (911996) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146198)

Similar checkboxes were on my security clearance application. The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

vlm (69642) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146460)

The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

Nahh, charging someone with lying on a form doesn't get the DA promoted.

Its a reading comprehension test. Some cultures always respond affirmatively to someone superior to them. Thus the hilarity of some outsourced customer service interactions. Those forms will figure out if you can read English well enough to intelligently provide the "correct" answer.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

Attila Dimedici (1036002) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146638)

Similar checkboxes were on my security clearance application. The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

Actually, it is probably perjury. And that probably is the reason. They might not be able to prove the terrorism charge, but they'll convict you on the perjury charge.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

itsdapead (734413) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146958)

Actually, it is probably perjury. And that probably is the reason. They might not be able to prove the terrorism charge, but they'll convict you on the perjury charge.

IANAL but I think that to convict you of perjury for saying you weren't a terrorist they'd still have to prove that you were a terrorist.

On the other hand, deporting your arse out of the US (or firing you from your security-cleared job) for lying on a form probably only requires "reasonable suspicion" (the main thing you're doing on those nice green forms is waiving your right to appeal deportation or refusal of entry).

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

Attila Dimedici (1036002) | more than 4 years ago | (#31150254)

They convicted Martha Stewart of lying about insider trading, but they never proved that she did any insider trading. They never even charged her with insider trading.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

Pikkebaas (1665451) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146276)

I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you. And it seems to work for them, especially since they back it up with the kind of stuff Mossad did at Entebe (despite the international legalities of doing so),

Have you read "The Pillars of Hercules" by Paul Theroux? There are some passages in there about entering Israel and the procedures involved.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31147320)

I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

There is an offense called "lying to US Customs". If you're a foreigner caught lying to US Customs, the customs officer has the authority to ban you from the USA for up to 5 years. No judge, lawyer, jury, or appeal.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

jfenwick (961674) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147750)

I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it.

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1135243.html [haaretz.com]

Yes, Israeli security never invades anyone's personal space.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

hedwards (940851) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148614)

What the Israeli security services do is far above and beyond anything we've seen in the US. With the possible exception of torture, I'm not really familiar enough on Israeli policy there, I certainly haven't ever heard their head of state saying that it was OK to torture.

In the US we've got a few armed air marshal's on a number of flights, and if I understand correctly, the Israelis have a pair of obviously armed security officers there with automatic weapons to take down anybody that tries to get into the cockpit without appropriate cause.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

stephanruby (542433) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148012)

I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

Out of these [google.com] US Customs forms, can you point to the one that said that.

I looked at a few of them, and couldn't find the entry you mentioned.

I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it.

Not according to one plaintiff on Judge Judy (not a big sample I know, but I've never heard anyone else other than him describe their experience with Israeli Airport guards). The guy sued EL AL (Air Israel), the guards basically had diplomatic immunity -- so he couldn't sue them directly, but the guards were real dickheads to him (because supposedly, he had brown skin -- although he was Israeli and Jewish himself).

So if you go by that measure, how did they treat me, or how do they treat white people in general, then the cops in the US -- especially the local Sheriffs in the backwaters of the South -- are probably some of the nicest and most courteous cops in the World -- assuming you really do go by that measure.

They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you.

Yeah, if I were an Israeli airport guard, I'd probably stand a couple of feet away from the possible suicide bomber too.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

commodoresloat (172735) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148158)

I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you.

I'm guessing you've never gone through this security check as a young Arab male.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

icannotthinkofaname (1480543) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148496)

The video is actually fairly funny, heh the "never do it again".

"Also, you'll still have to take off your shoes."

That's ridiculous! What am I going to do with my shoes, attack the President of the United States? Don't be absurd!

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

hedwards (940851) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148642)

I take it you don't recall the name Richard Reid, AKA the shoe bomber. Had he managed to light his shoes that entire flight would've probably crashed, or at least suffered a serious decompression incident. Which was mind boggling since at that time you could legitimately take lighters with you one US flights.

Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro (1)

icannotthinkofaname (1480543) | more than 4 years ago | (#31149846)

Nope, I don't remember that. Might have something to do with the fact that I had pretty much just turned 12 and I was still in 7th grade at the time.

What if I change my mind ? (2, Funny)

Builder (103701) | more than 4 years ago | (#31153164)

My big problem with that form is that you can't change your mind later. I mean, what if I am visiting the US on holiday, and I have only good intentions when I arrive, so I don't tick the box. But when I get there, I realise that the arrogant running imperial dogs must all die and decide to martyr myself for the cause.

Who do I see to get my form back to change the option? There are no contact details on the form and it seems to me that your government make it as hard as possible to update my details. So you see, it's not my fault that I have to break the law when I change my mind - you've forced me to this by not providing a simple way to update my details!

Not News For Nerds (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146154)

This barely even is worth putting on idle (easily the worst idea slashdot has had, and that's saying a lot) and its certainly not front page material.

CmdrTaco, you are definitely coasting now.. This site has turned to shit.

Part 3, please read (2, Informative)

BadAnalogyGuy (945258) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146158)

The following URL is a petition for permanent residence in the United States of America.

http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-485.pdf [uscis.gov]

Part 3 is the part that catches terrorists.

Re:Part 3, please read (2)

BSAtHome (455370) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146360)

3.fa Are you too stupid to commit a crime? [] yes [] no
3.fb Are you planning to have fun? [] yes [] no
3.fc Have you ever been party to a party where the party went on a party? [] yes [] no
3.fd Do you plan to insult our national pride? [] yes [] no
3.fe Do you feel welcome in this country? [] yes [] no
...
3.xi How many pennies are there in a pound? [] yes [] no
...
3.zz Did you wish you'd never seen this form? [] yes [] no

Re:Part 3, please read (1)

JWSmythe (446288) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146718)

    So does an "Yes" Part 3 Item 3a get hot chicks into the country? It seems like a good filter. "She's hot. She's worked as a prostitute. We can ask for a few "favors" to make her paperwork move easier."

      I'd do Part 3 Item 14, except having one at a time is bad enough.

Re:Part 3, please read (2, Interesting)

fastest fascist (1086001) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146786)

I suspect it's more that revoking citizenship is not a simple matter, but if it turns out you lied on the application form, and were therefore granted citizenship on false grounds, it can be revoked much more easily.

Re:Part 3, please read (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31148504)

Wow. They still ask if you're a member of the Communist Party. Did Joe McCarthy design the form?

Re:Part 3, please read (1)

Philip_the_physicist (1536015) | more than 4 years ago | (#31150896)

I love the part where they ask for all the organisations you've been a member of since your 16th birthday, then give you only a few lines to fill it out. I would be tempted to fill that out honestly, starting with the most stupidly irrelevant clubs, then ask for more paper so I could actually finish answering.

Re:Part 3, please read (1)

NoseyNick (19946) | more than 4 years ago | (#31151166)

I had to do something similar for Canadian permanent residency, and I included several boy scouts units, several amateur radio clubs, cross country running teams, swim club, the EFF, Slashdot, and a bungy-jumping club. I did, indeed, have to continue on another sheet... And for some reason they still let me into the country :-D

Re:Part 3, please read (1)

Iman Azol (1735258) | more than 4 years ago | (#31152298)

I listed the organization I belonged to. "United States Air Force." The immigration officer was quite amused.

Anecdotally Effective (1)

thethirdwheel (1291594) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146170)

Based on their experience with the finger-crosser, I'd say this is a stunningly effective anti-terror mechanism

Really? (3, Insightful)

Velorium (1068080) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146224)

Put this in Idle, not in Tech where I expect actual news.

Re:Really? (1)

DynaSoar (714234) | more than 4 years ago | (#31152200)

Put this in Idle, not in Tech where I expect actual news.

That's very brave of you, admitting in front of God and everybody that if you happen to read a summary and tags that indicate that the post is intended to be funny, if it happens to be posted with a heading that normally means the subject matter is news, that you have such poor control over your own behavior that you have to read the whole thing in case it has some real news embedded in it somewhere. Most people who exhibit such compulsions are too ashamed to admit it much less insist others adapt their behavior so as to minimize the resulting pressured behavior.

oh well (2, Insightful)

Fanro (130986) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146242)

Well, that is a minute of my life I won't get back.

THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (4, Informative)

Suzuran (163234) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146264)

DHS is responsible for the Security Circus, not the FAA. Please put the blame where it belongs!

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (1)

spottedkangaroo (451692) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146698)

See, I thought it was TSA.

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (1)

mayko (1630637) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147332)

DHS is the umbrella of many agencies that take part in the security theater games, as well as violate our privacy without warrant.

Picture DHS as the conductor, and TSA the train... which is about to drive straight up your ass, or just take away your shampoo and nail clippers.

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (1)

spottedkangaroo (451692) | more than 4 years ago | (#31199926)

DHS has varying levels of uselessness. The acting and silly security theater is almost all concentrated int he 4billion USD waste that's called TSA.

Anyway, the OP was talking about the FAA. FAA is to DOT as TSA is to DHS.

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (1)

oodaloop (1229816) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147348)

TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31147416)

TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

You mean TSA doesn't stand for "Terrorists' Surrogate Army"? I thought Al-Queda had stationed occupying forces in the airports!

Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! (1)

maxwell demon (590494) | more than 4 years ago | (#31149094)

TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

You mean TSA doesn't stand for "Terrorists' Surrogate Army"? I thought Al-Queda had stationed occupying forces in the airports!

Well, it's just that DHS stands for DshiHad Service :-)

Quality (1, Informative)

xbeefsupreme (1690182) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146350)

The video wasn't even that funny.

Y'know... (4, Informative)

TheSpoom (715771) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146404)

I'm OK with the idle section, so long as articles that belong there are categorized as such.

What's next? (3, Funny)

dotfile (536191) | more than 4 years ago | (#31146444)

Is it such a slow tech news day that we're going to see links to 4chan and xkcd all day?

Jeebus.

Re:What's next? (1)

HeckRuler (1369601) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147400)

Yes, yes it is.
So get the fuck out there and make something!
brb, tubing carbons to the moon...

Re:What's next? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31148104)

Here [xkcd.com] you go :-).

New TSA logos (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31146972)

In almost related news, ok ok not really, check out http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2010/01/tsa_logo_contes.html [schneier.com]

It's funny. Promise.

Re:New TSA logos (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31156244)

mod parent up

you little bitches!

Ironically... (4, Insightful)

epp_b (944299) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147206)

As humorous as that was, this is exactly the sort of security that actually works: looking people in the eyes, asking questions, being trained to skillfully detect what constitutes an honest response.

The general stupid masses of the western world see the fancy x-ray machines, silvery conveyor tables and shiny rent-a-cop badges and think this somehow translates to better security. But this is not security, this is an illusion of security. This is just put on for show so that your representatives in government (hahahaha... I know) can appear to be doing something about those dern terrrrists.

Security is not a product or a technology. Security, in the case of an airport, is an active process of identifying risks through layers of highly-trained intelligence personel; not high school drop-outs hired to press buttons.

Wait, why does that sound familiar? [thestar.com]

Re:Ironically... (1)

gujo-odori (473191) | more than 4 years ago | (#31153246)

Reminds me of a business trip to Canada I took a few years ago. Not a lot of high tech geegaws to deal with, the the Customs & Immigration officer at Winnipeg had eyes that could look right through a person, and I'm really, really sure that if somebody were BSing him about why they were coming to Canada, he'd be all over it and have them right off to secondary inspection. We need more of that ourselves, and a lot less of what we've got.

Re:Ironically... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31154672)

Queue the slashdot faggots sucking Bruce Schneier's cock.

Re:Ironically... (1)

DeVilla (4563) | more than 4 years ago | (#31157850)

As humorous as that was, this is exactly the sort of security that actually works: looking people in the eyes, asking questions, being trained to skillfully detect what constitutes an honest response.

Once you do that you are using judgment. You are on the verge of profiling, or even worse racism.

TERRORISM versus ESR (-1, Offtopic)

Aan Cocks (1696952) | more than 4 years ago | (#31147274)

Since the 2009 Iranian election protests, Eric S. Raymond, self-appointed public face of the hacker movement and alleged core developer of the Linux kernel, had been running wild thinking about wishing for Middle East problems spilling over into the Americas.

His long-standing suspicion of Islam, coupled with a throbbing curiosity about a people who wiped excrement from their backsides with their bare hands, had Eric in disarray. One minute he was conspiring with Iranian hackers in IRC, the next he was bolted to Fox News, foaming at the mouth and shouting at the television.

Alongside all of this were his trusty companions, a never-ending bottle of Jägermeister and his Glock.

Eric was just posting another rant to his blog when his 386 started swapping like a man at a computer auction; Felchmale was loading a new message.

        From: emad.opensores@gmail.com
        To: esr@catb.org
        Date: JUN 20 2009 16:27
        Subject: IRANIAN HACKER COMMUNIQUÉ

        Eric,

        It's Emad.

        I know we haven't spoken since that whole Michael incident, but I think we should put our heads together about these Iranian hackers.

        Meet me at the Carney's Point Flying J at 10 PM. Get shower stall 16 and wait for me. I'll be wearing a Slashdot t-shirt and drinking Bawls.

        Don't be late. The future of Iranian hackers depends on it. So does the security of America too I guess, and gun ownership or something.

        Emad

Eric smiled, lurid and yellow, and checked his X11 clock. Just after 4:30. He had several hours before he was to meet Emad. He took a shot of Jäger to celebrate and logged back into the Iranian hacker IRC channel. He shoved his glock down the front of his jeans, poured another shot of Jäger, and logged into the Iranian IRC server.

Eric's glow-in-the-dark Casio calculator watch luminesced 9:59 PM at him in the darkened shower stall. He was at the Flyin' J's Travel Plaza near Penns Grove, New Jersey, and had just finished a Double Whopper with cheese and a king-sized order of onion rings. His cola sat nearby, untouched, since he'd spirited a fresh bottle of Jägermeister in with him by means of his Hackers bookbag. He was lucky to have found the rare tie-in merchandise on eBay and jumped at it; now the leader of hackers everywhere had an official bookbag.

Into his fourth shot of the night, Eric relished the ice-cold herbal liqueur. Emad was several minutes late, and Eric had taken the chance to make a particularly loud bowel movement and was now courtesy flushing for the third time in as many minutes. He downed his fifth shot of Jägermeister, whipped his sweatpants up to his belly, replaced his Glock in the waistband, and began some hacker stretches and exercises when he heard a knock at the door.

"Yes, can I help you?" Eric shouted through the thick steel door. "This shower is occupied."

"Just like Iran is occupied by the Great Satan of American interventionist politics?" came the reply from the other side.

Eric fumbled with the lock and opened the door with a scrape.

"Emad! As the leader of hackers around the world, I'd like to welcome you to my makeshift office!" Eric said, bowing. "We shall liberate our Iranian brothers this night!"

Emad looked around at the fastfood garbage, the bottle of Jäger cocked in the urinal full of ice, and a tan, tank-like Toshiba laptop sitting propped on the sink. It smelled like feces slathered in Burger King onion ring sauce. A fly buzzed somewhere in the shower stall.

"Hello, Eric," Emad said, finally locking eyes as best he could with the leader of hackerdom before him. "Before we begin this, you must explain something to me."

"Uh, what's that, Emad? I thought we had this all planned out."

"Sure, sure," Emad said. "But I was thinking on the way here, and something didn't make sense."

"Well what is it, Emad?" Eric asked, anxious to get on with the night.

"How is it that you characterize Iran as a barbaric region in need of monitoring by the United States, then come to the aid of the people oppressed by American interventionist politics?" Emad said. "This election fraud can be traced in a direct line back to American installation of the Shah during Operation Ajax and the subsequent rejection of a Western presence in Iranian politics."

"How do I" Eric said, not quite following. "How do I what?"

"The threat that these hackers have united against in Iran," Emad said, color rushing to his face, "Is directly because of American political intervention in the country."

"Yeah? So?" Eric said, still trying to piece Emad's point together.

"American intervention you call for."

"Yeah?"

"But you wish to support these hackers."

"Well of course I do!" Eric said. "I'm the leader of hackers all over the world! Of course I must come to their aid!"

"But they're united against something that policies you yourself prescribe have caused!"

Eric was lost again. He felt like he was almost getting it, like the Unicode fonts were almost installed and the little blank boxes would soon be replaced by actual text. But he just wasn't there.

"So your point," Eric said, working things out as he spoke, "Is that Iranian hackers are attacking their government instead of coding Linux, and you want less of the former and more of the latter."

"Uh, maybe there was a time for that. But now they're against governmental corruption that has been allowed to occur due in large part to American interventionist policies in Iran."

"Yes? And?"

"You support those policies!"

"Of course I do! Islam is a barbaric excuse for a religion! We ought to nuke those fuckers back into the Stone Age!"

Emad was more than agitated now. Not only did Eric think he had everything figured out, but he thought he had the right to tell others how to think and act. And it was clear Eric, behind a thick mental fog, had no idea which end was up, let alone what the Hell was going on in Iran.

"Look, you don't see that 'nuking them back into the Stone Age' is what put the current regime in power, the regime that Iranian hackers have united against?" Emad asked, hammering his point home. "And you don't see helping people against policies you support is somehow antithetical?"

Eric's halfie had long since faded into flaccidity and he wished he had worn underwear. His sweatpants seemed so cold. The romantic ambience of the private truckstop restroom was all but gone and he wanted this irritating conversation to be over with.

"Look, Emad, I don't know what you think you're getting at, but let me tell you this. Iranian hackers need my help, and after it's all over they can go back to hacking Linux or one another's butts or whatever to their hearts' content. In the meantime, I must back them to the hilt." Eric drew himself up to his full 5'8" and reached for the Glock in his waistband. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Emad refused to be intimidated. "Yes, I have a problem with someone who talks out of both sides of their mouth without an understanding of anything they say at all!"

"Well then. Maybe the time for talking is over," Eric said, replacing his Glock. "Would you like a drink?" He motioned to the bottle of Jägermeister chilling in the urinal.

"I guess. There's no point in trying to talk about this logically, is there? This is so depressing."

Eric poured Emad a shot of Jägermeister with a flourish, one for himself, and paused for a toast.

"The plight of the hacker is often depressing, something I know all the more as leader of hackers the world over," Eric said, looking wistfully into his glass. He swirled his Jäger thoughtfully.

"But as the leader of all hackers, I am armed and ready to defend hacker rights with deadly force if necessary—day or night, here or abroad. Salud!" Eric threw his head back and closed his eyes as the icy herbal liqueur froze down his throat. "Ahhh!"

Emad sipped his Jäger, never taking his eyes off of Eric. He had an idea.

"Hey Eric. Are you into being tied up at all?"

"Not usually, no," Eric said as he poured himself another. "I like to be the one in charge."

Thinking fast, Emad countered. "What if we were to, ah, roleplay a little bit?"

Eric's interest was piqued. "Oh? I consider myself a skilled and veteran player suitable for major and even leading roles, and I have a reasonably well-stocked costume closet, including everything from an impressive wizard's outfit to a pair of bear-claw mittens—which I happen to have brought with me!"

"Um, cool! How would you like to play the leader of a group of underground hackers who's been captured by the evil Iranian mullahs and faces torture to betray his hacker buddies?"

Eric was transfixed. Emad sure knew how to make things real hot, real quick.

"My character's name will be Eric the Hacker!" Eric said, positioning himself on the toilet. "You be the evil mullah."

"Sounds good, Eric. Do you have any rope in your bag?"

Eric reached for his gym bag and produced a coil of cheap yellow nylon rope. "Here you go! Don't worry, my skin is callused from spending days in the woods in character. You can tighten it as you see fit. This isn't women's LARP!"

"No, it certainly isn't," Emad said to himself as he began straightening the rope. "No it is not."

"Hey, do you know any Persian?" Eric asked. "I think it would add a nice layer of realism if you shouted your demands at me in Persian as you torture me."

"Sure, anything you want, ."

THUD THUD THUD

Eric woke with a spasm. The lights were out and the pounding sounded like echoes in a cave. Eric started up to get the door, but found himself tightly bound.

"What the–" he started before remembering. Emad and he had LARPed last night. A leader of an underground group of hackers and an evil Persian mullah Tortured, bound with rope and injected with Jägermeister, and waterboarded with urine. At least three times.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

"Goddammit, hold on a second!" Eric shouted. He had no sense of time, only a rush of nausea and a splitting headache that told him that it had been hours since he'd had any Jäger. And where was Emad?

As his senses slowly returned to him, Eric realized that, along with being tied tightly to the toilet, he was buck naked.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

"Sir, your time limit expired hours ago. You can't stay in our restrooms overnight!" a voice outside the door shouted.

Eric heard keys jangle.

"Wait a minute! I'm getting my things together!" Eric shouted back, trying to buy time. He was struggling hard and naked to untie himself from the toilet.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

"My name is Eric the Hacker, and I'm the leader of an underground group of freedom fighters"

Why don't we focus on not pissing off countries? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31148068)

Nobody wakes up in the morning and says... "HEY, I have an idea.... just for the hell of it, let's go kill some American's"
They want to stop America from F'ing around with their country...... so.... why don't we do that? Believe me, we have PLENTY of people here that need educating first.

Since FDR and before, the Constitution that PROTECTS your rights has been corrupted. You have rights because you are a living breathing human... not because the Constitution 'gives' them to you.

Do a search for Michael Badnarik and his constitution class. If you're not totally pissed off at the state of our country..... you're not in possession of the real facts.

EDUCATE YOURSELF!

hey, that could work! (1)

arielCo (995647) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148130)

Judging by the stories I've read here and there, a straight look in the eye, asking more than twice and their gut feelings could actually work better than the current system. :)

Reminds me of old times (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148416)

You ever try to pick up some woman in a bar and have her ask you, "You're not a rapist or an axe murderer, are you?" This makes exactly as much sense as that question... I always want to respond "No I'm not... which is exactly the same answer a rapist or axe murderer would give you!" Or perhaps "No... but I am a pathological liar!" However, since those snarky answers would reduce the chances of my actually getting laid, I always just smiled and answered "No, of course not!" Which is exactly the same answer the terrorists will give.

Mike Birbiglia (4, Funny)

LtGordon (1421725) | more than 4 years ago | (#31148862)

"A few years ago, I was moving a new bed into my apartment, and this woman who lived in the building opened the front door for me with her key. She said, 'I'm not worried because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that.' That's how she started the conversation. Now, what I should have said was nothing. What I did say was 'You'd be surprised.' '

Re:Reminds me of old times (1)

thickdiick (1663057) | more than 4 years ago | (#31258744)

By responding "No, of course not!" you are supplicating to the woman, making yourself seem like a less-attractive man. You need to take control of the frame and not let her dictate the conversation. Untrained people will most likely direct the conversation to boring subjects. You must stop that from happening if she is to like you.

We need a vote system for crappy submissions (1)

Nyder (754090) | more than 4 years ago | (#31152662)

Sure, we can moderate individuals posts, but how about stupid ass submissions like this?

While I like you Captain Chimichanga, I come here for news. that was not news. I expect better of you.

Re:We need a vote system for crappy submissions (1)

TheSpoom (715771) | more than 4 years ago | (#31156236)

They have that, it's called the firehose [slashdot.org] .

Whether articles are actually posted based on their votes is still at the discretion of the editors though.

At work and loud (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31153838)

Thanks for the loud guitar riff ad mother fuckers. Give a warning or something when these sites have loud ads.

Re: (1)

clint999 (1277046) | more than 4 years ago | (#31154124)

"A few years ago, I was moving a new bed into my apartment, and this woman who lived in the building opened the front door for me with her key. She said, 'I'm not worried because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that.' That's how she started the conversation. Now, what I should have said was nothing. What I did say was 'You'd be surprised.' '

Check for New Comments
Slashdot Login

Need an Account?

Forgot your password?

Submission Text Formatting Tips

We support a small subset of HTML, namely these tags:

  • b
  • i
  • p
  • br
  • a
  • ol
  • ul
  • li
  • dl
  • dt
  • dd
  • em
  • strong
  • tt
  • blockquote
  • div
  • quote
  • ecode

"ecode" can be used for code snippets, for example:

<ecode>    while(1) { do_something(); } </ecode>