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Food Activist's Life Becomes The Life of Brian

samzenpus posted about 4 years ago | from the you-are-all-individuals dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 165

krou writes "After food activist and author Raj Patel appeared on The Colbert Report to promote his latest book, things seemed to be going well, until he began to get inundated with emails asking if he was 'the world teacher.' In events ripped straight from The Life of Brian, it would seem that Raj Patel's life story ticks all the boxes necessary to fulfill prophecies made by Benjamin Creme, founder of religious sect Share International. After the volume of emails and inquiries got worse, Patel eventually wrote a message on his website stating categorically that he was not the Messiah. Sure enough, 'his denial merely fanned the flames for some believers. In a twist ripped straight from the script of the comedy classic, they said that this disavowal, too, had been prophesied.'"

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165 comments

Oblig (4, Funny)

Brett Buck (811747) | about 4 years ago | (#31573944)

He's NOT the messaiah, he is a very naughty boy!

Re:Oblig (4, Informative)

Scrameustache (459504) | about 4 years ago | (#31574598)

He's NOT the messaiah, he is a very naughty boy!

ftfa: "My parents came to visit recently, and they brought clothes that said 'he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy'. To them, it's just amusing." :)

Re:Oblig (2, Interesting)

ender- (42944) | about 4 years ago | (#31574940)

He's NOT the messaiah, he is a very naughty boy!

ftfa: "My parents came to visit recently, and they brought clothes that said 'he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy'. To them, it's just amusing." :)

His parents are obviously way more 'geek cool' than my parents!

Here come the quotes... (5, Funny)

Psmylie (169236) | about 4 years ago | (#31573960)

I predict a long series of Python quotes incoming. Allow me to post one of my all-time favorites:

Followers: "Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!"
Brian "What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right, I AM the Messiah!"
Followers: "He is! He is the Messiah!"
Brian: "Now, Fuck off!"
*awkward pause*
Followers: "How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?"

One of the better parts of an overall extremely funny movie.
Also, I predict that this article on Slashdot will make all of his email problems so much better!

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

zappepcs (820751) | about 4 years ago | (#31574058)

Plenty of quotes, and sucks to be him right now. Maybe, just maybe he can work to get us better food supplies and get rid of Monsanto et al, and improve the world a little bit with all this attention?

Re:Here come the quotes... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574344)

Monsanto's gonna make a scarecrow out of him, nailing him up in their cornfields.

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

maxwell demon (590494) | about 4 years ago | (#31574630)

Plenty of quotes, and sucks to be him right now. Maybe, just maybe he can work to get us better food supplies and get rid of Monsanto et al, and improve the world a little bit with all this attention?

Hope limited.

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

JWSmythe (446288) | about 4 years ago | (#31575076)

Hey, being "Messiah" to even a small cult isn't all that bad of a thing. He's trying to be honest, and tell them "nope, not me, go away."

    He doesn't actually have to embrace their lunacy, but he can direct them. "Go do [something good]". Like it or not, he has their attention and their obedience. Many strive for years to achieve that, and few ever get it. It's a powerful tool though, and as with power, as you approach absolute, so does your corruption.

    Or he could just send them all down to Antarctica to meet the mother ship which will be picking them all up at -90S on July 31, 2010. Don't worry, there will be a second ship arriving at +90N on Dec 21, 2012. I wouldn't expect too many people returning from either trip, which would solve his problems. :)

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

MichaelSmith (789609) | about 4 years ago | (#31575990)

Problem is that there is a US base at 90S and they would be obliged to help. Better send them to 85S (or to the Russians).

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

llvllatrix (839969) | about 4 years ago | (#31574070)

I think he's a witch!

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

cayenne8 (626475) | about 4 years ago | (#31574452)

"I think he's a witch!"

He turned me into a NEWT!!

Re:Here come the quotes... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31575454)

... I got better ...

Re:Here come the quotes... (3, Funny)

Brett Buck (811747) | about 4 years ago | (#31574158)

One of the better parts of an overall extremely funny movie.
Also, I predict that this article on Slashdot will make all of his email problems so much better!

      Now, if there were only a link to a website so we could help him even more!

    Shalshdottes Eunt Domus!

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

magus_melchior (262681) | about 4 years ago | (#31574208)

Bring 'em on. They posted [youtube.com] videos [youtube.com] of LoB clips [youtube.com].

But they seem to have pulled their own Roman Joke Names clip. A shame-- I liked Incontinentia Buttocks...

Re:Here come the quotes... (5, Funny)

maxwell demon (590494) | about 4 years ago | (#31574290)

I predict a long series of Python quotes incoming.

Here's one:

print "Hello World!"
for i in range(1, 11):
    print i

Re:Here come the quotes... (1)

Mindcontrolled (1388007) | about 4 years ago | (#31574512)

Gotta give you that it develops a certain depth together with your sig. Bit more work on the delivery would be nice, though.

Obligatory (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31573972)

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

Yes! We are all individuals! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574006)

...

To be fair.... (4, Funny)

Darth_brooks (180756) | about 4 years ago | (#31574022)

To be fair, his book did say "Blessed are the cheese makers", so he does bear some of the culpability.

Re:To be fair.... (1)

MaXintosh (159753) | about 4 years ago | (#31574114)

What's so special about the cheesemakers?

Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

I forget who said history doesn't repeat, but it seems to rhyme. But whomever said that forgot to add that History is a bawdy limerick. ;)

Photos on Slashdot. (5, Insightful)

bcmm (768152) | about 4 years ago | (#31574054)

Shame you started using photos in stories. Never has the foot icon been more appropriate.

Re:Photos on Slashdot. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574392)

Shame you started using photos in stories. Never has the foot icon been more appropriate.

Those responsible have been sacked for their indiscretions.

Re:Photos on Slashdot. (1)

Chad Birch (1222564) | about 4 years ago | (#31574448)

Only samzenpus does that. I guess the quality of the stories he posts is so low anyway that they figure adding a photo can't really make things any worse.

So... (3, Funny)

2names (531755) | about 4 years ago | (#31574056)

is he with the People's Front of Judea or the Judean People's Front?

Re:So... (1)

Pteraspidomorphi (1651293) | about 4 years ago | (#31574176)

Probably the Allied Atheist Allegiance.

I'm not the Messiah either (1)

mmmmbeer (107215) | about 4 years ago | (#31574082)

I'm really not. Not at all. Don't worship me. Don't send money to my PO Box. Certainly do not make tax-deductible contributions to charitable organizations in my name. Please, really, stop it.

Re:I'm not the Messiah either (4, Funny)

selven (1556643) | about 4 years ago | (#31574394)

Listen closely. I'd like to help you but I can't. I'd like to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on... Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X... on the third floor, but I can't. I also do not advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would not expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd like to help, but there's nothing I can do.

How to fix the problem... (3, Interesting)

Jah-Wren Ryel (80510) | about 4 years ago | (#31574096)

He should abuse the shit out of these retards.

I bet these prophecies don't say anything about him putting his followers into poverty for his own personal vices.

Tell them he's not their messiah but he wants all of their money so he can spend it on hookers and blow.

Although that still might not work, after all scientology has a way more suckers than these share international fools.

Re:How to fix the problem... (2, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | about 4 years ago | (#31574836)

after all scientology has a way more suckers t"

Don't belittle the victims.

Re:How to fix the problem... (2, Interesting)

JWSmythe (446288) | about 4 years ago | (#31575200)

    Shhh, keep it down. I'm surrounded by them right now. They're best kept pacified, and my supply of Chlorpromazine is running low. Send the Messiah with more.

Re:How to fix the problem... (3, Funny)

thewiz (24994) | about 4 years ago | (#31575970)

Tell them he's not their messiah but he wants all of their money so he can spend it on hookers and blow.

That's a little unimaginative; we see that on a near-daily basis from athletes, politicians and developers.

How about he gets these unwanted believers to dress in burlap tunics, hit themselves on the forehead with a thick oak board while chanting?

Good Quote: (5, Interesting)

The Angry Mick (632931) | about 4 years ago | (#31574128)

"People are very ready to abdicate responsibility and have it shovelled on to someone else's shoulders," he said. "You saw that with Obama most spectacularly, but whenever there's going to be someone who's just going to fix it for you, it's a very attractive story. It's in every mythological structure."

I offer my services (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574134)

"It's the kind of paradox that's inescapable," he said, with a grim humour. "There's very little chance or point trying to dig out of it."

Here's the outline:

  1. Ask for money - you WILL get it. Look at EVERY Televangelist. Osteen pulls in over $70million/year
  2. Have a sex scandal with a goat and Tiger Woods and a porn star.

I will implement all of that for, um, 95% of the take - this will add to the scandal if I'm getting rich off of it. I promise, in order to save you, I will spend the money on porn stars, blow, booze, private jets, an extremely lavish lifestyle, and I will do everything in my power to totally disgust those nuts that think you're a deity.

I will do it all for you, my client. That's how committed I am!

All that attention must be torture, but... (2, Funny)

sanche (98750) | about 4 years ago | (#31574182)

Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

A Question Is Answered (1)

hyades1 (1149581) | about 4 years ago | (#31574248)

To anybody who ever wondered why, a couple of centuries ago, a group of very sensible gentlemen who were engaged in a nation-building exercise put in place a division between church and state...well, you need look no further.

Re:A Question Is Answered (2, Insightful)

rimugu (701444) | about 4 years ago | (#31574486)

That does not prevent the idolizing of politicians, individually or as a party.
President or party Messiah anyone?

It does not prevent the abuse of the state, just warranties that state has a monopoly on certain kids of abuse.
School teachers accused of pederasty with immunity of prosecution anyone?

Not that I don't support "the separation between church and state. Is like separating good and evil." (That comes form a cartoon of wizard of Id, and cannot help but quote it here).

Re:A Question Is Answered (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574488)

Well, you could go look at the Church of England. That might have had something to do with it seeing as fear of the government telling them who and how to worship was probably a little higher on their list than any fear they might have had that when it comes to religion some people will believe anything.

Re:A Question Is Answered (0, Flamebait)

Brett Buck (811747) | about 4 years ago | (#31574720)

I agree with the basic principle, but you are incorrect about that. Technically, all that the establishment clause prohibits is establishment of a state religion. It certainly DOES NOT separate or segregate church and state, and I think you would find all of those very sensible gentlemen were all highly religious, and governed and acted accordingly.

Re:A Question Is Answered (3, Informative)

pnuema (523776) | about 4 years ago | (#31575150)

You are reading the wrong history. Most of those men were at best Diests, and if I end up being wrong and there is such a thing as a Christian hell, I have no doubt many of the founding fathers are roasting over the flame reserved for Franklin. If there was ever an un-Christian man, it was him.

Re:A Question Is Answered (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31575294)

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of...Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all." -- Thomas Paine

"Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be deprecated." -- George Washington

"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise." -- James Madison

The Treaty of Tripoli -- "The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion." Written during the Washington administration, it was sent to the Senate during the Adams administration. This was the 339th time that a recorded vote was required by the Senate, but only the third time a vote was unanimous.

Re:A Question Is Answered (3, Insightful)

Zerth (26112) | about 4 years ago | (#31575332)

Those are all nice quotes, but unfortunately about as likely to affect current opinion as:

"Make the most of the Indian hemp seed, and sow it everywhere!" -- George Washington in a note to his gardener

Re:A Question Is Answered (1)

Lord Ender (156273) | about 4 years ago | (#31575700)

Are you new to the internet? This "founding fathers on religion" debate is old as dirt, and you don't seem to have the basics. Many of them would not be considered "Christians" by today's standards, and it is certainly false to say "all...were highly religious." As to the intent of the separation clause: Thomas Jefferson wanted to "build a wall between church and state" (in his words, from memory). His intent couldn't be more clear.

I bet you went to "public" school in Texas...

Re:A Question Is Answered (2, Informative)

Arthur Grumbine (1086397) | about 4 years ago | (#31575914)

... and I think you would find all of those very sensible gentlemen were all highly religious...

Or not [wikipedia.org].

Always look on the briiight side of life... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574276)

Always look on the briiight side of life...

Re:Always look on the briiight side of life... (1)

skudenfaugen (808335) | about 4 years ago | (#31574386)

Always look on the briiight side of life...

if life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten...

His only chance for solitidue ... (1)

daveywest (937112) | about 4 years ago | (#31574312)

Honestly, now the only way out for this guy is "leaking" an internet sex tape involving goats, a cheese grater and a midget.

Not for Buddhism (2, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574354)

..as a figure who combines messianism for Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Jews and Muslims alike ...

In Buddhism, I know of no concept of a "messiah". None. Maybe those of you who have perhaps studied more of the Sutras than I could offer another point of view.

There's a saying in Buddhism, "If you see the Buddha on the side of the road; kill him!"

I don't see how the concept of messiah would fit into the teachings.

Re:Not for Buddhism (3, Funny)

maxwell demon (590494) | about 4 years ago | (#31574606)

There's a saying in Buddhism, "If you see the Buddha on the side of the road; kill him!"

I guess he can consider himself lucky that he was identified as Messiah, not as Buddha ...

Re:Not for Buddhism (1)

Mindcontrolled (1388007) | about 4 years ago | (#31574616)

Messianism not - but idolization is surely a concept in certain flavors of Buddhism. You're probably right that there is no scriptural point to that in the Sutras, but Buddhism is not homogeneous and has blended with lots of different folk religions which at least elevated the Buddha to an idol to which you can prop up altars, make donations and pray for good fortune.

Budhism is thought-slavery, mute, and inactive (0, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574726)

When the man balancing his thoughts awakens from his active rest, to do the work he surmised in his meditations, then he will be pulled by the parasites to adjust him to their contentions of religion regardless of his progress of harmony.

Law is a matter of religion, constantly trolling your actions to it's courts for you to correct and elaborate you to inactivity; as gravity pulling a delicate fruit to a destructive fall, the most religious are the creatures that profess to have none, that demand your appreciation of their achievements credit to their name rather than kindness.

Such as religion, to take away an unnumerable blessing to assign a number of it's own, and draw you in by it's wenches.

Re:Not for Buddhism (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574962)

Maitreya is a bodhisattva who in the Buddhist tradition is to appear on Earth, achieve complete enlightenment, and teach the pure dharma. According to scriptures, Maitreya will be a successor of the historic kyamuni Buddha, the founder of Buddhism.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maitreya

Who says he ain't a religious leader? (3, Insightful)

jollyreaper (513215) | about 4 years ago | (#31574490)

He is promoting rules of how you should eat, a dietary law if you will. If he tells us how to run our sex lives and wears a funny hat, case closed.

Re:Who says he ain't a religious leader? (2, Interesting)

MozeeToby (1163751) | about 4 years ago | (#31574904)

Actually, he's not directing how we should eat, he's trying to direct how we should change our concepts of personal property, right and wrong, and personal responsibility such that millions don't starve while other millions throw away food. His message could easily be construed as a modern day religious doctrine.

Re:Who says he ain't a religious leader? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31575830)

Insightful, seriously?

This should be modded funny.

Rastafarianism (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574498)

Isn't this basically how Rastafarianism got started?

The crazies must be redirected (1)

richardkelleher (1184251) | about 4 years ago | (#31574528)

You can't just deny something like this, with crazies, they must have another target. Figure out who is a likely suspect, a public figure, someone at work, a neighbor in your building who is particularly rude and say, "No, but I know who is." You already have credibility in their demented eyes, so a good portion of them should believe the redirection.

Well ... (5, Funny)

krou (1027572) | about 4 years ago | (#31574578)

Patel eventually wrote a message on his website stating categorically that he was not the Messiah

I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

Re:Well ... (1)

MikeURL (890801) | about 4 years ago | (#31575074)

And if we thought people believing in God was bad just wait until they start to believe en masse that a particular man is the messiah.

Mix a population of 7 billion with technology that is impossible to understand and a system that is more complex than any person can ever comprehend. The implications are scary because of human psychology and just how tightly packed we are getting to be on this spinning rock.

"Since God has given us the Papacy, ..." (2, Insightful)

LionKimbro (200000) | about 4 years ago | (#31574764)

I was thinking more like Pope Leo X, [wikipedia.org] who famously said: "Since God has given us the Papacy, let us enjoy it."

He was a fun loving guy, gave tons of money away to the sick and to the poor, loved the arts and people of learning. He restored universities, gave more money to teachers, and on and on.

There's a lot of negative things that could be said about him, but for some reason I have a difficult time calling them to mind.

Raj Patel might want to consult the wisdom of Winston, [google.com] after having consulted the wisdom of Brian.

Obviously another paid ad on Slashdot here... (1)

gd23ka (324741) | about 4 years ago | (#31574906)

We are obviously talking the "Share International" Maitreya cult here .. http://www.share-international.org/ [share-international.org] You can shove it up your ass, Creme then take it out and shove it through the noses of the people paying you.

The main idea behind the cult is there are a 40 some "Ascended Masters" here to guide humanity in the "New Age". Each of these masters will address a specific concern .. and those concerns are healthcare, economics, .. I think you get the picture. The idea is for us to step aside for 40 galactic "benevolent" dictators while they take over. I for one don't think so. I'm not sure if they are a spin-off of the "Ashtar Galactic Command" or if it is the other way around.

He can get rid of them (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31574984)

All he has to do is ask for money and everyone will get disgusted and leave.

That or he'll make tons of money.

Come to think of it, his book sales are probably doing quite well. Why NOT be the messiah and use that influence to get people to eat better?

Share International (1)

wisnoskij (1206448) | about 4 years ago | (#31575040)

Their website: http://www.share-international.org/ [share-international.org]

They talk about his a lot on the main page (apparently they call him "Maitreya").
And of course most of the stuff said is pretty ridiculous and funny.

Re:Share International (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31575402)

What's scary is just how widespread the belief really is.

Some people call it the 'cosmic christ'. The idea is essentially that this person will unite all world religions under one umbrella. You know how there is so much relativism around as a big fad right now? (all of the pseudo intellectual hippy types with the "coexist" bumper stickers?)

The idea is that this charismatic person will announce that everyone's religion has, at their respective cores, had it 'right' but that over the centuries mans opinions and perspectives led them all off track -- but now the 'genuine article' per say is here to set things straight.

You'd be surprised to find out how many people endorse this sort of thing.

I think what will be very interesting to see is just how many people jump on the bandwagon just to pat themselves on the back for knowing that there was something wrong with every other major religion.

Where's the Proof? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31575152)

Sounds like self-promotion. I highly doubt anyone e-mailed him.

Re:Where's the Proof? (1)

Lord Ender (156273) | about 4 years ago | (#31576026)

Their leader had to put out a message on the subject stating that Patel is merely inspired by the messiah:

Q. I can’t seem to find any individuals who give me the feeling that Maitreya would give one if hearing him speak on television. I do not sense any people with any spiritual energy emanating from them when they speak. The closest thing to someone as an ordinary person is Raj Patel the author of The Value of Nothing who appeared on Democracy Now and the Colbert Report in 2010. He even travelled from India to London in 1977. However he doesn’t seem to talk much about creating a new civilization based on sharing and justice as much as one would expect Maitreya to do. Is he in fact just an ordinary man inspired by Maitreya?Also he denied being Maitreya but agrees with your ideas and purpose.

A. The ideas of Maitreya have penetrated all planes for many years and thousands of people are ‘inspired’ by these ideas.

http://www.share-international.org/magazine/old_issues/2010/2010-03.htm [share-international.org]

I loved this part (3, Interesting)

geekoid (135745) | about 4 years ago | (#31575160)

"There have been similar cases in the past, including Steve Cooper, an unemployed man from Tooting, south London, who was identified by a Hindu sect as the reincarnation of a goddess and now lives in a temple in Gujurat with scores of followers."

you out of work, out of money, at your lowest and then a bunch of people claim you are a Goddess and takes you to their temple and pampers you.

Man, what a day. or maybe not:

http://www.southasianpost.com/portal2/ff80808111f169c20111fc7c4cdc0047_Steve_Cooper__Hindu_god.do.html [southasianpost.com]

OTOH I wonder if anyone checked up on him? He might need help. I mean, we are talking about cultist. Better pack up the Tommy and dynamite.

Story Time! (4, Funny)

Lifyre (960576) | about 4 years ago | (#31575576)

My unit had our own little Monty Python story in Iraq.

We were watching Holy Grail in the shop late when a core switch caught fire shortly followed by it's neighbor so now it goes...

"What do we burn?"

"SWITCHES!"

"What else do we burn?"

"MORE SWITCHES"

I would love it (1)

jlb.think (1719718) | about 4 years ago | (#31575832)

This would be awesome. Simply set up a web page where people can donate to help you carry out your messianic duties, sit back, and collect a shit load of cash.

It would be no worse than what the fifty churches in my town do. Plus instead of using the money for purely evil reasons you could do the world favor and donate it to the ACLU, Richard Dawkins Foundation For Reason and Science, the Reason Project, or cancer research. There are a millions things that could be done with that money, after taking a hefty sum for yourself, of course.

Re:I would love it (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 4 years ago | (#31576040)

Plus instead of using the money for purely evil reasons you could do the world favor and donate it to the ACLU...

WTF?

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