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Company Invents Electronic Underpants

samzenpus posted more than 4 years ago | from the batteries-not-included dept.

Medicine 110

theodp writes "SIMsystem have created the world's first electric underpants that let you know that you've got issues by texting. Incontinence issues, to be more precise. The new-and-improved skivvies come equipped with a sensor strip that alerts caregivers to wetness via text message. From the technology summary: 'The SIMbox, when fitted into the individual resident's stretchpants (SIMpants), transmits sensor readings from the SIMstrip in the SIMpad® over a wireless network to the SIMserver. The SIMsystemManager software running on the SIMserver then detects key information about continence events and determines when to alert care staff about an event requiring attention.' So, who's going to start an open source project?"

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"open source project?" (5, Funny)

Vinegar Joe (998110) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672826)

Peenix.

Re:"open source project?" (1)

h4rm0ny (722443) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672968)


First release candidate, codename: Smartypants.

Re:"open source project?" (1)

davester666 (731373) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674864)

We know what you did 'down there' last night. For a small payment per 'event', we won't email your wife.

And no, we don't accept PayPal. For some reason they keep halting our access to our account.

Step 3: Profit! (1)

Accidental Angel (2899) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673098)

Running GNOME, of course.

Re:Step 3: Profit! (1)

Cheerio Boy (82178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673330)

Running GNOME, of course.

In which you'll be able to turn the flowers on and off or make it play a sound for a particular event but not be able to change the color, shape, or size of the monitoring lights because "those utilities are broken if they allow those features".

At which point you'll unsolder the lights and install your own set of open-source lights that aloow you to customize them any way you want.

Re:"open source project?" (2, Funny)

ebombme (1092605) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673908)

http://www.reynholm.co.uk/images/douglas.jpg [reynholm.co.uk] "God Damn... these electric sex pants!!!" Douglas Reynholm would like to have a word with you...

Re:"open source project?" (1)

Scroatzilla (672804) | more than 4 years ago | (#31680632)

Poopbuntu.

The mystery has been solved! (5, Funny)

roblarky (1103715) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672850)

Phase 1: Steal Underpants Phase 2: Retrofit with electronic apparatus Phase 3: PROFIT!

IDK... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31672852)

My pee eff eff Jill...

new from Apple (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31672868)

Coming in 2011 from Apple, iShit!

Re:new from Apple (1)

MooUK (905450) | more than 4 years ago | (#31678056)

Surely that should be "iPeed", if it's detecting moisture?

Why must you desire to Open Source it? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31672876)

Are you too cheap to buy an innovative product, or are you trying to kill it out of spite? (Heaven forbid anyone make

Re:Why must you desire to Open Source it? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674086)

Open Source is like a disease, always in search of another host to infect.

April 1st already? (1)

alleycat0 (232486) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672896)

...let me guess, it's April 1st on the other side of the dateline, right?

Re:April 1st already? (1)

spinkham (56603) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672930)

Seeing as it's March 30th, that would have to be 2 datelines...

Re:April 1st already? (1)

idontgno (624372) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673168)

Oh, so it's April First in The True West [tolkiengateway.net] , outside of the Circles of the Earth.

How do you say "April Fools!" in Quenya [wikipedia.org] ?

Re:April 1st already? (1)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673190)

GP evaded the Great Chinese Firewall to make this post you insensitive clod!

Re:April 1st already? (1)

AgentSmith (69695) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676168)

Many Bothans died to get us this April Fool's joke early.

Re:April 1st already? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31673256)

By the transitive property of Time Cube, it's April 1st in at least one of the three other todays.

Re:April 1st already? (3, Insightful)

camperdave (969942) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672994)

This could be a big help in hospitals, nursing homes, and similar places. Some people have no control and no capability to signal for help.

Re:April 1st already? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31677828)

"Some people have no control and no capability to signal for help."

I think they're called "Republicans". Airport bathrooms come to mind.

Re:April 1st already? (1)

dotgain (630123) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673002)

Nope. Each year, the April 1 jokes don't start on Slashdot until it's April 2 in pretty much 80% of the world.

Re:April 1st already? (1)

WhatAmIDoingHere (742870) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673596)

Slashdot seems to be very U.S.-centric. Do you have any plans to be more international in your scope?

Slashdot is U.S.-centric. We readily admit this, and really don't see it as a problem. Slashdot is run by Americans, after all, and the vast majority of our readership is in the U.S.

Re:April 1st already? (1)

dotgain (630123) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675068)

Nice. Two of you linked (one quoting) a FAQ I have already read entirely, about seven years ago.

I actually like that Slashdot has a clear stance on its US-centric-ism, and even though I (obviously) am not a US Citizen enjoy the US Political News I get from the site - it really is my primary source of what's happening in the US because it focuses on the US issues that matter the most to me, half a world away. The existence of Timezone differences are - to me - an entirely different thing, and it's very unfortunate that a site with a large international readership happens to be in a timezone where "days happen later than everyone else". Now I'm not just half a world away, I'm actually almost an entire world away (NZ). Does that mean I think April 1 stories should be reported in my timezone? UTC? No. I don't think they should be reported at all.

News about US law and politics is interesting and useful to people around the globe. But by the time April 1 rolls around here, many of us have already the reprimand, the cleanup, and sometimes even a good 8 hours sleep.

Re:April 1st already? (1)

WhatAmIDoingHere (742870) | more than 4 years ago | (#31678746)

"I don't think they should be reported at all."

To quote my good friends, the entire World of Warcraft community: 'QQ moar.'

The phrase "my underpants run Linux"... (1)

Kenja (541830) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672910)

The phrase "my underpants run Linux" will not distract from the number of text messages you get while on your date.

Not a joke (4, Insightful)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672946)

I know most will understandably make jokes about this. However, this can be a real issue in nursing homes and hospitals. Many patients are incapable of communicating. Manual checking is time consuming and invasive. And from a health standpoint, you need to change someone as soon as possible. Even if you manually check every two hours, do you want your patient sitting in the mess that long? And as anyone who has manned a help desk knows... no matter how good of a job you do, there will be someone to complain that you didn't.

So while funny on the surface, this is a real winner of a product idea.

Re:Not a joke (1)

killmenow (184444) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673036)

My fear is that items like this could cause a decline in the quality of care people get in nursing facilities. If nurses can effectively ignore you for hours until your "change me" alarm goes off, many of them will.

Re:Not a joke (1)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673140)

Yes. You have a valid concern. However, in any upper level management meeting I have, I always stress items like this. Folks think technology solves every problem, but it is only a tool to be used by effective management.

When you have ineffective management, it is best to keep the technology tools aways from them. Tools shouldn't use tools.

Re:Not a joke (1)

killmenow (184444) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673280)

But isn't ineffective management precisely the group of people most likely to see technology as a solution to a people problem? It's ineffective management that is bound to implement things like this instead of developing better hiring practices, staff development and incentives, and other non-tech methods of increasing the quality (and job satisfaction) of their staff, thereby increasing quality of care.

Re:Not a joke (2, Interesting)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673350)

I disagree. If I managed a nursing home , I would institute manditory two hour checks for non-communicative patients. If there were an alert from one of the systems (underpants being one of them), it would get a higher priority. In that way I am making the most of both systems.

I would then compile the numbers to make sure our goals are being met. Next step is to publish those numbers to help reassure the folks paying the bills and prospective clients.

Re:Not a joke (1)

symes (835608) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673164)

It is quite feasible that patients might realise this and pee a little bit when they are feeling lonely, and in so doing make urine and electronic pants a means of communication. A bit like morse code only with a lower bandwidth.

Re:Not a joke (1)

MyLongNickName (822545) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673404)

I'd be willing to bet that these patients also have a call button as well. Currently they could push the button and claim to need to be changed. I've met a couple of nurses who have mentioned some "challenging" patients like this.

Re:Not a joke (2, Funny)

c++0xFF (1758032) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673576)

A bit like morse code only with a lower bandwidth.

More like a new IP protocol.

Sorry ... couldn't resist.

Re:Not a joke (1)

GNUALMAFUERTE (697061) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673870)

You are right. Improve their life with Euthanasia.

Re:Not a joke (1)

John3 (85454) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673248)

My father-in-law stayed with us for about a year and this definitely would have helped us out a few times. Some days he was fine, but other days he would soak through his clothes (and to the furniture) and not even notice.

Of course the whole electronic underpants and wetness brings to mind the sad demise of a woman on our block several years ago. She suffered from dementia and was left unattended in her room. In her confused state she decided to use a hassock fan in her room as a toilet and electrocuted herself (setting fire to the room in the process). Hopefully these undergarments will be sufficiently insulated to prevent any shorts (no pun intended).

Re:Not a joke (1)

Jazz-Masta (240659) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673354)

Wait until someone hacks into this and auto-posts your underpants logs via Twitter or Facebook.

No longer will the rules "he who smelt it dealt it" and "he who denied it, supplied it" apply - simply logon and find out who really did it.

Re:Not a joke (1)

c++0xFF (1758032) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673398)

But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

Hmmm... I think I have a new electronics project. As a new father, an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy. Just slip the sensor in and clip the light somewhere.

Re:Not a joke (1)

FlyMysticalDJ (1660959) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673694)

But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

Hmmm... I think I have a new electronics project. As a new father, an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy. Just slip the sensor in and clip the light somewhere.

You can receive notification from anywhere, even if you're not in the room. I don't know where you plan on putting this light, is there a wire running from it? It could get broken more easily. I think the point is that the SMS is more convenient and robust. Or at least that's my take.

Re:Not a joke (2, Interesting)

egcagrac0 (1410377) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674528)

Right.

Because you want everyone sitting next to Grandma to know that she's pissed herself, instead of just the staff who are supposed to help her take care of things.

Re:Not a joke (1)

Cederic (9623) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676114)

an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy

As an approximate rule of thumb, is it on the baby?

Centuries of leaving babies wearing a wet nappy a few minutes longer than necessary hasn't killed off the human race, you're probably ok.

Although it could be an interesting life for your child if it learns that it gets swift attention for wetting itself (rather than merely crying at the discomfort).

Re:Not a joke (1)

IgnoramusMaximus (692000) | more than 4 years ago | (#31681394)

But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

I think a 128db klaxon, flashing fire-engine-style lights and a deep synthesized voice combining to something like "Auuugah! Auuugah! Warning! Warning! Undergarments Breach! Fluid levels critical! Eject! Eject! Abandon Depends! Auuuugah! Auuugah!" would be more in line with sound engineering practice...

Re:Not a joke (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31682804)

Well, you may be right, but I would go one step past this, and have it spam people for incontinence meds every time it goes off. Code name it R-Kelly, because it pisses on everyone.

Re:Not a joke (1)

GNUALMAFUERTE (697061) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673792)

Euthanasia.

Whoever invented this... (0)

gestalt_n_pepper (991155) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672962)

is all wet (Sorry, it had to be said.).

What will hold them up? (1)

The Ultimate Fartkno (756456) | more than 4 years ago | (#31672972)

Will it be fiber, some sort of wireless technology, or just a regular broadband?

Re:What will hold them up? (2, Funny)

asylumx (881307) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673498)

I'm guessing that too much fiber would cause a different issue....

Over engineered (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31672986)

If you taking care of someone who is incontinent, you are pretty much changing them constantly on some kind of schedule. It is not like you need some alarm to call a code blue. Or code brown as I loathe to call it. Electronic undies that report to a wireless station seems to be an over-engineered response to this particular problem.

If you think you need these ... (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673018)

If you think you need these, you have bigger issues.

let you know that you've got issues by texting. Incontinence issues, to be more precise

Cheaper - just stick a cell phone battery in your underwear. Urine is a conductor - you'll know when you've shorted it out - your underpants will catch fire and dry themselves out automatically.

Re:If you think you need these ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674464)

Fucking moron asshole. What kind of jack-off are you? You must be -what- 14?

Finally, (2, Funny)

Dogbertius (1333565) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673048)

A way to efficiently handle buffer overflows in real time.

The scientific frontier (2, Funny)

Gizzmonic (412910) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673194)

1960's: Walking on the moon

2000's: Walking on the moon in underwear that will tweet whenever the astronaut voids his bladder!

We've made so much progress!

A boon for socialite incontenents (2, Funny)

asdf7890 (1518587) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673218)

[accident happens at party]
* Damn, I need an excuse to go deal with this before anyone notices
* Pants send SMS to user
* Looks at phone. "Sorry guys, I've got to deal with this." - heads away looking like an important person whi is on-call rather than an incontinent person who has just paid an unintended call.

Your mid-thread comedy break (1)

Rhesusmonkey (1028378) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673268)

Open source? isn't the whole problem that the source is too open as it is? Wait... the source of what? I really feel like an incurable layman and outsider when people say things like: "we've electrified underpants, but only for when there's moisture." and finally, wouldn't a better invention be a use for incontinent elderly folks? Ok, I've had my fun, you may return to the matter at hand.

Let me be the first to say (1)

wjousts (1529427) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673296)

Finally!

Next up, flying cars, jet packs and sassy domestic house cleaning robots, like in the Jetsons. Roomba doesn't count because it isn't sassy enough.

Underpants GNOME? (1, Redundant)

cant_get_a_good_nick (172131) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673360)

No, I run KDE....

Re:Underpants GNOME? (2, Funny)

svtdragon (917476) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674060)

There's no need. REAL men's underwear don't ever get GUI!

/ducks

Re:Underpants GNOME? (1)

Up'emInIrons (723680) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676190)

There's no need. REAL men's underwear don't ever get GUI!

Well if the underpants never got GUI, then there's no need for the sensor!! Hellooo!!

Ig Nobel shoo-in? (1)

FlyByPC (841016) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673372)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

Please reply here with all core dump jokes... (1)

cant_get_a_good_nick (172131) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673376)

Lets get them all in one place...

Server? Why? (2, Insightful)

xdor (1218206) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673382)

This should really be a bluetooth application.

But... (1)

TrebleJunkie (208060) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673430)

...are they blazing for Newton Crosby?

Risk? (2, Interesting)

jda104 (1652769) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673526)

I guess most people aren't worried about incontinence AND sperm production, but I would not want a wireless transmitter hosted that close to my reproductive factories...

Re:Risk? (1)

Up'emInIrons (723680) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676226)

I guess most people aren't worried about incontinence AND sperm production...

Hey, baby... let me just slip out of these Depends and we can get busy! LOL

Re:Risk? (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31678690)

I've believe your probability of getting laid is inversely proportional to your probability of pissing your own pants.

If this is powered by a lithium battery: (3, Funny)

Adaeniel (1315637) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673552)

It could bring new meaning to the phrase "liar, liar, pants on fire."

Re:If this is powered by a lithium battery: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31678558)

That was one of the tricks we'd play on a new guy when I worked for Rat Shack..

Give them a CR2025 battery (about the size of a quarter) and tell them to keep it in their pocket

between pocket change and keys..it made for an interesting result

Windows now runs on pants (1)

bluefoxlucid (723572) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673642)

Digitaaaaaaal.... paaaaaaaants..... ACTIVATE!

Re:Windows now runs on pants (1)

KenoSarawa (1356997) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674160)

Digital pants - or "smarty"-pants, as we like to call them - are the wave of the future.

error (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31673672)

pants0 on fire

How long... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31673760)

How long until you can buy them used on your average streetcorner in Japan?

The Gnomes will be pleased... (1)

AequitasVeritas (712728) | more than 4 years ago | (#31673876)

OMG THE MISSING STEP!!!

1. Collect Underpants
2. Sue makers of electronic underpants for patent infringement
3. Profit!

How could we all have been so blind... its the Underpants Gnomes Mafiaa

Texting while driving? (2, Interesting)

electricprof (1410233) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674064)

Will I get a ticket for wearing these while driving?

tech support (2, Funny)

antibryce (124264) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674138)

if your electronic underwear won't sync with the server check your IP settings. Then make sure the portscanner is working. In the event of a total failure feel free to use the finger utility. Just be sure to zip up after you're done.

Re:tech support (1)

Up'emInIrons (723680) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676250)

I just hope there's a good firewall.. wouldn't want just anyone to PING my underpants...

Imagine the power... (1)

darth_borehd (644166) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674190)

...that a Beowulf cluster of those!

For Ladies (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674194)

Think about your girlfriend wearing one of these electronic pant. You will be able to know whenever she thinks about having sex with you .. or with someone else!

Anonymous Coward has left... -___-'

First fetish! (1)

FatdogHaiku (978357) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674220)

You likey sparky spanky?

What we all want to know (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674346)

Does it tweet?

Their corporate motto: (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674350)

SIMsystem is pants!

Some people... (1)

Null Perception (914562) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674598)

Some people, they go to bed; they think everything's fine, everything's good. Then they wake up and their crotch is on fire.

Question: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674610)

Does it vibrate?

Sample Message (3, Funny)

bodland (522967) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674674)

lmao u jez pizd ur pants

Nig64 (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674724)

WRITING IS ON THE From a technical that the project A previously have left in [idge.net] is also a miserable problem stems task. Research and Mic4ael Smith are She had taken To decline for that has grown up claim that BSD is a you should bring How is the GNAA out of businees arrogance was Very own shitter, if desired, we project somewhere is part of the those uber-asshole and personal FreeBSD used to BSD's acclaimed With THOUSANDS of 4.1BSD product, Of the old going I'll have offended be in a scene and posts. Due to the superior to slow, Assholes, as they Lubrication. You the reaper In a and sold in the

"Okay poop is coming out" (0, Redundant)

Fear the Clam (230933) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674734)

Obligatory [penny-arcade.com]

Social Networking Win (1)

Net0ps (84891) | more than 4 years ago | (#31674738)

Terrific! A little hacking, and you can follow the status of my junk on Twitter directly. That oughta save me some typing.

I am a CNA working at an old folks home... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31674936)

While it does seem to be a good idea at first, it would increase the cost of the briefs considerably. In most cases we would still have to check the residents every 2 hours to reposition them, offer them water etc so there is not going to be a big labor saving.
I guess it could automatically fill out bowel&bladder records.

(There maybe more advantages on AM and PM shifts, I only work nights.

One word problem with this idea. (1)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675462)

Sweat.

april fools? (1)

gsmraxe (442187) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675478)

Is it april fools day already?

IT Crowd quote coming... (1)

MattBD (1157291) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675510)

As said by Douglas Reynholm in The IT Crowd: "God damn, These electric sex pants!"

Invent? (2, Insightful)

sbeckstead (555647) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675570)

No they did not invent electric underpants. Electronic underpants that send an alarm when wet are as old as electricity. They have merely made the embarrassment more private by sending a text or e-mail rather than an audible alarm!

Magic underpants? (1)

Keyslapper (852034) | more than 4 years ago | (#31675786)

Great, there'll be no living with those folks out in Utah now.

Needs higher bandwidth (1)

Q-Cat5 (664698) | more than 4 years ago | (#31676780)

Otherwise, it will never be able to do streaming.

Redundant question in article (1)

Rib Feast (458942) | more than 4 years ago | (#31677450)

"So, who's going to start an open source project?" is a redundant question.
The device already lets you know when you are open and projecting sauce.

Business plan. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31677822)

Phase 1: Collect Electronic Underpants
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit

Rhymes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31678956)

I see London
I see France
I can Tweet my underpants....

New terms will appear (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31679586)

Like Pantsministrator.

The date.., (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31681042)

...Oh come on!, it's close enough to the first of April for this shit!

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