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Endangered Species Condoms

samzenpus posted more than 3 years ago | from the make-it-growl dept.

Earth 61

The Center for Biological Diversity wants to help put a polar bear in your pants with their endangered species condom campaign. They hope that giving away 100,000 free Endangered Species Condoms across the country will highlight how unsustainable human population growth is driving species to extinction, and instill the sexual prowess of the coquí guajón rock frog, nature's most passionate lover, in the condom users. From the article: "To help people understand the impact of overpopulation on other species, and to give them a chance to take action in their own lives, the Center is distributing free packets of Endangered Species Condoms depicting six separate species: the polar bear, snail darter, spotted owl, American burying beetle, jaguar, and coquí guajón rock frog."

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Someone didn't think this through.... (3, Funny)

mrsteveman1 (1010381) | more than 3 years ago | (#31700964)

Won't these species just become extinct if they can't successfully reproduce?

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (3, Insightful)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701014)

That's why they're announcing it on slashdot - the one place they can test trial on an endangered species without causing any real reduction in reproductive options.

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (4, Funny)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701058)

Not likely... you ever try putting a condom on an American burying beetle? I tried for hours, but eventually just gave up and let the little bugger have unprotected sex. Man, sometimes I can't even tell the male beetles from the female ones.

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701224)

The following statements are all equally true:


Your government cares deeply about you as a human being, would never lie to you, and only has your best interests at heart.

Corporations would never exploit you or anyone else.

Copyright law is absolutely logical in every way. It is also absolutely fair, serving everyone's interests equally with no bias towards copyright holders.

People who post "nigger jokes" share all of your qualms, sensitivities, and adherence to politically correct thought. They are as easily offended as you and have the same sense of humor as you do. Therefore, they actually are racist and the only reason they post their jokes is because they hate black people. Their intense burning hatred of anyone with a darker skin tone drives them to make jokes, because intense burning hatred is always humorous.

Can we collectively get the fuck over ourselves already? Oh dear, the above might make someone uncomfortable. Quick, get me my "-1 Flamebait"!

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (0)

insufflate10mg (1711356) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701336)

I hope this post does get modded off-topic and redundant. Not only is it pointless, but you are too cowardly to put your name to your words so you must hide behind anonymity.

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (1)

Coren22 (1625475) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701418)

The statements are equally true, to me that means that they are all just as false. :)

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31702232)

I hope this post does get modded off-topic and redundant. Not only is it pointless, but you are too cowardly to put your name to your words so you must hide behind anonymity.

Thanks for your contribution, Insufflate10mg. That handle identifies you personally, and truly narrows down the number of internet users who could potentially have chosen the name "insufflate10mg". Specifically, it narrows it down to anyone with internet access and a web browser. I am glad you are working so hard to put your identity to your words. Those of us who post as "Anonymous Coward" will never know the great courage of posting as "insufflate10mg" instead. You, sir, are truly valiant and your argument is totally original and is not easily defeated at all. Yup.

Just curious, what are you snorting 10mg of?

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (2, Insightful)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701466)

Man, sometimes I can't even tell the male beetles from the female ones.

That's easy. Half the male beetles are living in a basement reading /., while the other half hand over their credit cards to the female beetles. All the female beetles are trying on shoes.

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (1)

Gerzel (240421) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701294)

No. The Right-Wingnuts are correct in that distributing condoms causes teen pregnancy. It works across species too.

Re:Someone didn't think this through.... (1)

Optali (809880) | more than 4 years ago | (#31705284)

Well, yes, specially if they put condoms on their thingies!

These'll look great on my collectibles shelf (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31700966)

Hell knows I'll have no reason to use them.

Oh, anything we can do to help (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31700968)

I bet they can raise even more money by making the condoms out of endangered species.

Re:Oh, anything we can do to help (1)

zerosomething (1353609) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701040)

There you go. Make them from the foreskins of sperm whales. Kind of like lamb skin condoms and avoids all that latex allergy stuff too.

Re:Oh, anything we can do to help (1)

Absolut187 (816431) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701182)

No thanks.

I really don't want whale smegma all over my junk.

Re:Oh, anything we can do to help (2, Informative)

Gerzel (240421) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701316)

Oh no that would be carefully cleaned off. The smegma costs extra and will mostly be imported to Japan.

Re:Oh, anything we can do to help (2)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701438)

You just ruined the sushi dinner I planned on having later tonight.....

Any real stories today? (1)

commodore64_love (1445365) | more than 3 years ago | (#31700982)

???. Or has the tech industry taken time off? No really, I'm serious. Jokes are cool but so are things like:

Obama announces plans to give Medicare funds to Kaiser-Permanente for Digitizing Medical Records

Re:Any real stories today? (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31700998)

No kidding. I don't trust anything at all on here today. It hasn't seemed this bad since the late 90s.

Re:Any real stories today? (1)

commodore64_love (1445365) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701056)

"Cmon. Everyone knows the best years were 1990 and earlier. You, sir, have demonstrated you are a putz." - Simpsons comic store guy

Re:Any real stories today? (1)

insufflate10mg (1711356) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701350)

Why do people keep saying this? An April Fool's Joke is something benevolent and many times obvious. What would make this story a good April Fool's Joke? What would make basically any other story posted so far today a good April Fool's Joke? April Fool's Day is supposed to be funny, not just a day where paranoid nerds suspect every news story of randomly being false.

Re:Any real stories today? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701062)

???. Or has the tech industry taken time off? No really, I'm serious. Jokes are cool but so are things like:

Obama announces plans to give Medicare funds to Kaiser-Permanente for Digitizing Medical Records

Huh? Are you saying that Obama's Medicare announcements are in some way connected to the tech industry?

(/me dislikes seeing political stories on /. anyway, but that's a whole other discussion)

Re:Any real stories today? (1)

choongiri (840652) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701314)

Huh? Are you saying that Obama's Medicare announcements are in some way connected to the tech industry?

Digitizing Medical Records. Think about it.

Do not want. (2, Funny)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701028)

I tried these; couldn't see the picture. Apparently you have to unroll them a lot farther than I do...

Re:Do not want. (1)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701534)

Your sig just gave me a great idea for the next time a female insists that I use a condom ;)

Re:Do not want. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701554)

I tried these; couldn't see the picture. Apparently you have to unroll them a lot farther than I do...

Perhaps one should forgo the Polar Bear and use the teeny tiny one for the little burrowing beetle...or that amorous frog one. Or if you were really intent on the Polar Bear, perhaps you could stuff it, as girls like to do with their bras....perhaps they could put the Polar Bear stamp on a nice hunk of silicone and sell them as a set!! This could end badly...

Re:Do not want. (1)

treeves (963993) | more than 3 years ago | (#31702444)

The one-eyed python condom would be pretty cool, though.

Awesome for extinction fetishists (1)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701054)

This is great for them since the Endangered Species Act specifically prohibits shoving an endangered animal into bodily orifices.

Re:Awesome for extinction fetishists (2, Funny)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701118)

Only if you're doing it to smuggle them across international borders. Recreational use is not specifically prohibited.

Re:Awesome for extinction fetishists (1)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701190)

Oh see I never thought of doing that for any reason but recreational which is why I was confused. When I want to smuggle an endangered animal, I just pretend it's a hat.

Re:Awesome for extinction fetishists (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31702214)

That raises the question ... if you're going to use a polar bear as a hat, where exactly does your head go?

Re:Awesome for extinction fetishists (2, Funny)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 3 years ago | (#31702340)

Hint: you have to move the tail out of the way before putting it on. And when you meet people on the street, the bear will inevitably say "Would you believe it started out as just a mole on my butt!", which is really annoying.

Re:Awesome for extinction fetishists (1)

Hognoxious (631665) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701206)

Win-win - it pleases the abstinence advocates too!

For those worried about the flavored part (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701074)

The flavors in these condoms do not use extracts from any of the endangered species, and are merely flavored with a delightful smoked turkey extract.

real men..... (1, Funny)

tverbeek (457094) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701076)

A real man would insist on condoms actually made from the tissues of the endangered animals (a la "lambskin" condoms)!

Re:real men..... (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701138)

Real men don't use condoms. Ever. Chuck Norris just rids himself of STDs with a roundhouse kick. And believe me, you don't wanna know what he does about unwanted pregnancies!

Re:real men..... (2, Insightful)

blackC0pter (1013737) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701794)

And here comes the marketing slogan, "gotta wear them all!" With just over 10,000 endangered species, I can't imagine how that could go wrong...

http://www.earthsendangered.com/list.asp [earthsendangered.com]

Fuck that (0)

Absolut187 (816431) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701120)

Are you seriously trying to tell me not to reproduce because I should care more about some other species??? Sorry, but fuck the polar bear. I'm all for limiting emissions and oil spills and all that shit, but don't try to tell me how many kids I can have.

You *really* want to reduce the human population?
Put your money where your mouth is.
Instead of trying to tell other people what to do, how about you and everyone else in your organization throw yourselves a big party and spike the punch with cyanide.
Lead by example, and all that.

Re:Fuck that (2, Funny)

Ibiwan (763664) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701144)

Sorry, but fuck the polar bear

You DID catch the part where they're condoms, right?

Re:Fuck that (2, Insightful)

Absolut187 (816431) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701168)

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!!!!
lol

Actually, attempting to fuck polar bears would be a good way to reduce the human population too.

Re:Fuck that (2, Interesting)

sourcerror (1718066) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701406)

The problem is, that not everybody would get a polar bear, because there aren't enough of them.

Re:Fuck that (2, Insightful)

Absolut187 (816431) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701624)

I'm pretty sure one polar bear could handle multiple (attempted) human partners.

I mean, eventually the bears would get full and stop eating people, but at least they wouldn't have to go hunting for a long time.

On behalf of all of /. I ask the following query (1)

spleen_blender (949762) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701152)

What the hell is a "condom" and why should we care?

Endangered Woodpecker self-vasectomy kit (2, Funny)

Absolut187 (816431) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701160)

Condoms are only a temporary solution.
I have an even better idea:
The Endangered Woodpecker self-vasectomy kit:

http://www.amazon.com/Boston-Warehouse-39500-Woodpecker-Scissors/dp/B000IZCAOG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1270140056&sr=8-1 [amazon.com]

Maybe we can get everyone in PETA to cut their own balls off.

Re:Endangered Woodpecker self-vasectomy kit (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701272)

Someone in PETA has balls?

Re:Endangered Woodpecker self-vasectomy kit (2, Insightful)

Coren22 (1625475) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701446)

The "women" in PETA do.

I like the slogans (1)

Megahard (1053072) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701192)

Reminds me of the suggestions [netfunny.com] for National Condom Week.

In the year 2010 (1)

northernfrights (1653323) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701436)

It is nearly impossible to differentiate between April Fools jokes, and actual news. I find this to be rather disturbing...

Ridiculous (1)

Dunbal (464142) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701502)

Obviously they have no idea of what their target market is. Anyone interested in endangered species is probably nerdy and thus has no use for a condom - they get in the way of masturbation.

Perhaps "pro football" or "pro wrestling" or "NASCAR" condoms would sell better...

Didn't read TFA (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701556)

and wondered about the title...

  • Isn't putting condoms on endangered species just going to make the problem worse?
  • OK. Who is going to volunteer to slip that sucker on the polar bear?

That's nothing! (1)

PopeRatzo (965947) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701582)

wants to help put a polar bear in your pants

The python that's already there would have to make some room.

Re:That's nothing! (2, Funny)

archangel9 (1499897) | more than 3 years ago | (#31702048)

Just tell your boyfriend to back out slowly.

Put the blame in the right place! (1)

twitcher101 (1712418) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701710)

The center is known for some level of hysterics (but also raising public awareness), and this is a case of hysterics. The problem is not population growth, the problem is overconsumption. The places in the world where population is growing tend to consume about 1/40th of the resources of the average person in the US. So until the population of India hits 12 Billion, I am more worried about resource waste in the first world (which tends to have shrinking populations) than population growth in the third world.

How boring (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#31701720)

It is international "don't believe anything you read on the internet today" day. Let it go guys. It stopped being amusing years ago. I say amusing, because it was never actually 'funny'. April 1st is now the day that I dread sorting through my RSS feeds for real news.

Oh Boy (1)

multipartmixed (163409) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701814)

I hope pythons are endangered

Nothing else would fit! :D

Options (1)

joeslugg (8092) | more than 3 years ago | (#31701940)

depicting six separate species: the polar bear, snail darter, spotted owl, American burying beetle, jaguar, and coquí guajón rock frog.

What? No 'Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka'?

(Look out! He's coming right at us!!)

recycle (3, Funny)

Dare nMc (468959) | more than 3 years ago | (#31702028)

Don't forget to recycle, and re-use these condoms.

(something comes to mind about how to recycle a condom: "you just have to shake the f*ck out of it")

Population control (1)

inkrypted (1579407) | more than 3 years ago | (#31702560)

Forget the condoms lets just have a moron hunting season we could use the people who actually thought this was real news.

A serious and intelligent initiative (1)

Optali (809880) | more than 4 years ago | (#31705304)

That's it, a serious and very insightful campaign. I just can say one thing: WTF ? I mean, wtf guys? Can you imagine? It can totally KILL a hot night. There you are, you finally got the date with that super-hot chocolate chick of your dreams... she strips for you, you feel you are melting... she wants action, your weapon is ready, she takes the rubber, places it on your missile and pulls... and: "Oh darling, it's a real problem whit the ice bears, I agree that we have to do soemthing about it, you know. I've read that the populations are shrinking at an alarming 2,5% per year and that... " SRSLY, that can totality ruin it. No way I'm going to buy them.

Dear Mother Earth (1)

brisvegasdan (1754330) | more than 4 years ago | (#31705608)

..we're rooting for you!

What about the trees? (1)

Terminus32 (968892) | more than 4 years ago | (#31707548)

To make rubber....?
Surely condoms consume our planet's resources.

And not eating meat does more to save animals! :-)

I don't wear condoms...I don't believe they're right.
My and my girlfriend are expecting our first baby together...find one right partner and participate in the DNA program! :-P

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