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Blizzard Announces New Battle.net Matchmaking

CmdrTaco posted more than 4 years ago | from the hot-gnome-on-gnome-action dept.

Games 44

thefritob writes "Blizzard is announcing their new Battle.net Matchmaking service. Find your perfect partner to lay waste the the Zerg hordes or meet that lvl 70 Orc warrior that shares your taste for 'ganking noobs.'"

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But... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702360)

Will I find true love?

Re:But... (1)

dan828 (753380) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702410)

With a level 70? Hah! Tell the noob to get of her ass and make 80!

Re:But... (1)

twoallbeefpatties (615632) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702516)

With a level 70? Hah! Tell the noob to get of her ass and make 80!

And that is why she left you to go raid with a casual guild.

Re:But... (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702904)

Hey, if she's just gonna grind all day... well, I've got better things for her to grind against!

Kill me! Kill me! (3, Funny)

e2d2 (115622) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702376)

JFC Kill me now! Just do it! Kill me now and get the pain over with!

Re:Kill me! Kill me! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702844)

JFC Kill me now! Just do it! Kill me now and get the pain over with!

Don't worry! I'll go call the waaaaaaaaaaahmbulance, and maybe we can schedule an emergency sense of humor transplant! If your cold-hearted inhuman clinicalness rejects it, I'm certain they can graft some tolerance in so that you don't cry over every little thing!

BattleMatch (1)

JWSmythe (446288) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702398)

    {sigh}

    Boring.

    Even that site is bored of itself.

WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (0, Offtopic)

drcosquared (1720540) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702400)

Clearly if Blizzard has the resources to develop this they can at least get on the ball with Starcraft.

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (1)

dan828 (753380) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702426)

Clearly. Anyone that could hook a WoWer/slashdoter up with an actual girl has the skills to accomplish anything. Though lets go higher than Starcraft....how about world peace?

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (5, Funny)

Monkeedude1212 (1560403) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702438)

I know a buddy of mine who wrote a simple shell script that could do that.

The world peace thing, I mean. Not the hook up.

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702724)

Did TFA actually say it would hook up with a GIRL??? Seems to me like it hooks you up with "someone compatible" meaning... probably a dude.

Try another game? (1)

twoallbeefpatties (615632) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702876)

Maybe you just have to get some crossover between guys who just spent 10 hours raiding in WoW with girls who just spent ten hours raking hay in Farmville.

Re:Try another game? (1)

Mongoose Disciple (722373) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703098)

Maybe you just have to get some crossover between guys who just spent 10 hours raiding in WoW with girls who just spent ten hours raking hay in Farmville.

I'm sad to say my first thought in response was: Maybe there's some way to skin WoW so that you can get women paying to gold farm for you. You would also sell the gold. I can't see how this could possibly go wrong.

Re:Try another game? (1)

twoallbeefpatties (615632) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703736)

...And I read that as saying, maybe a woman will skin your character in WoW and try to sell the leather. D:

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (1)

masshuu (1260516) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702448)

clearly if you knew what today is and what it is like for a lonely level 80 hunter to spend months on end doing nothing but grinding, then you would know this is more important than any game.

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (1)

BlackSnake112 (912158) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702860)

clearly if you knew what today is and what it is like for a lonely level 80 hunter to spend months on end doing nothing but grinding, then you would know this is more important than any game.

If you are role playing with your girl, the "months on end of doing nothing but grinding" sounds like a good idea.

Not talking video game grinding.

Re:WHERE'S STARCRAFT 2 (1)

pwfffff (1517213) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703932)

I play it daily. Don't be bitter that you didn't get a key :)

It only works if you are a flaming faggot (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702416)

Which is why Rob Malda posted this story. He needs to meet someone on the side. He needs some new fantasy material for when he fucks old Mrs. Fent.

Orc's are the easiest. (1, Funny)

adosch (1397357) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702418)

I hear that level 30 Orc's put out the most on the first date. Every Mage's wet dream in their parent's basement eh?! There's no bondage like gruesome death and destruction on the battlefield.

Re:Orc's are the easiest. (3, Funny)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702806)

Level 30 Orc's put out the most on the first date Dude, everybody knows that's because they are so friggin' ugly! The Elves are the one you wanna date; they are really good in bed... only problem is, it's a bit difficult to tell the female elves from the male elves... oh, and their ears aren't the only thing that's pointed!

I prefer Queens quest (1)

CrazyJim1 (809850) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702422)

I prefer EPEEN (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702642)

Profitable? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702428)

I wonder which service will get more profitable.

ganking noobs (1)

voodoo cheesecake (1071228) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702456)

I don't know about you, but that little comment just made my fUc&!^g day! Thanks!

Meanwhile.... (1)

BJ_Covert_Action (1499847) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702458)

Microsoft announced that it would be partnering with OnlineBootyCall to work on its new service, OnliveBootyCall for the popular 360 network. When approached about this decision, Microsoft executives insisted that OnliveBootyCall was significantly different from battle.net Matchmaking as OnliveBootyCall was strictly to be used for random, casual meetings that may or may not involve the teabagging and desecration of pixelated corpses. Whereas battle.net matchmaking promised gamers the opportunity to find a committed quest partner that would compliment each gamer based on 9 levels of character stats, OnliveBootyCall would offer gamers a chance to meet up in the intratubes for some down and dirty achievements grinding while never having to return a later party request.

When approached about Microsoft's new decision, Bill Gates announced that he had no stance on the issue. However photographers did note that most of his belongings were seen on the front lawn of his estate while the paparazzi snapped a few photos of Miranda Gates driving down the pacific coast highway with Eric Schmidt in a candy apple red, convertible Smart Car.

Flash sucks (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702486)

This content requires the Flash Player. Download Flash Player. Already have Flash Player? Click here.

This site wants to access your webcam.

Please ensure you can see yourself above. Some visitors may have to right-click or context-click then choose 'Settings'.

Not really a horrible idea (2, Interesting)

mikael_j (106439) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702498)

I'm not saying this is a great idea but somehow the basic idea of integrating a dating/matchmaking service into something else sort of makes sense to me, but maybe that's because I'm one of those people who would rather meet someone I have something in common with.

It would of course be very hard to implement but the basic idea is interesting, kind of like integrating a matchmaking service into Facebook (no, not as a third party app, as an integrated component where you can look for people in your area who are available and who seem to be compatible with you), but then I'm looking at this from the point of view of someone who would like to try coding said functionality using the available data...

I met my wife PvP'ing at Crossroads (1)

Orga (1720130) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702522)

We're expecting our second peon in October. No we don't play WoW anymore but we still play a multitude of other games together, online and off.

Re:I met my wife PvP'ing at Crossroads (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702720)

Yeah, my wife and I played a lot of WOW together. She even got me to resub for a year after I'd quit for over a year. We're getting divorced after 10 years in just a few weeks. We had a lot of problems not related to gaming but I can't say WOW was exactly healthy for our relationship. It's great you have a good girl that shares your interests, but for every story like yours I suspect there's 2 or more like mine (though I have no way to prove it).

Re:I met my wife PvP'ing at Crossroads (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702840)

I hope you've discovered that "role playing" is not just something you can do online...

An April Fool's summary article (4, Funny)

idontgno (624372) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702538)

At The Escapist, there was a summary of this year's gaming-related April Foolery. The article [escapistmagazine.com] had one actually useful tidbit of information.

I now know a good acronym synonym for "gearscore" [curse.com] , which is the current fetish on every WoW Looking-For-Group chat channel.

It's "Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number (EPEEN)"

Re:An April Fool's summary article (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31702660)

Equipment Potency and Estimated Effectiveness Number?

Re:An April Fool's summary article (1)

Locke2005 (849178) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702872)

"Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?" -- Shrek

E.P.E.E.N. (3, Funny)

dbet (1607261) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702558)

This one [worldofwarcraft.com] was a little funnier I thought. Although it pokes fun at WoW culture rather than generic game culture.

To be fair... (1)

thetoadwarrior (1268702) | more than 4 years ago | (#31702752)

Fake or not, it would be better than making those people try through normal means and cause a scene in bar and clubs. I'll hold out for a clown fetish service before I shop for ladies online.

Fireflown (1)

Froboz23 (690392) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703000)

From the Battle.net progress bar:

Land: burned; sea: boiled; unable to acquire sky, please wait...

Ouch. Just ouch.

Re:Fireflown (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31704116)

Yeah, I noticed that too.
Pretty epic reference to those who get it, pretty pointless to those who don't.

Competing with Jerry Springer. (1)

Neanderthal Ninny (1153369) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703152)

Have a few chairs and ....

haha blizzard (1)

nataflux (1733716) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703318)

I hope I don't get my sc2 beta invite today, that would be sad...

If only this was an April Fools joke (3, Insightful)

nEoN nOoDlE (27594) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703368)

The only joke is that Blizzard is announcing it. Unfortunately, this service is actually being released [presslift.com]

LFG (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31703482)

Looking for girl. Please be clean, drug and disease free, and orcish. I love women of all classes, but please NO PVPerss - I'm not looking for a one night stand but instead a long term relationship built on trust, friendship, and rolling need on mad lewt.

I am a Zerg you Insensitive Clod! (1)

twmcneil (942300) | more than 4 years ago | (#31703732)

Actually, I thought this would be a great idea. I mean now that most of the Zerglings are out rushing with their friends all the time, it's way too quiet around the Spawning Pool if you know what I mean. Seems like every time a get a good thing going, those damn 'Toss show up and ruin it all.

This already exists... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 4 years ago | (#31704216)

www.gaymatchmaker.com/

Firefly! (1)

Clock Nova (549733) | more than 4 years ago | (#31705240)

Just wondering if anyone got the firefly reference in the series of progress messages you get when you try to actually find a match.

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