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Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank

samzenpus posted more than 3 years ago | from the I-find-our-lack-of-funds-disturbing dept.

Star Wars Prequels 190

Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."

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190 comments

handguns (5, Funny)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002210)

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......

Han Solo (1)

Demoknight (66150) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002214)

Where was Han to shoot first?

These are not the money bags you're looking for. (5, Funny)

snookerhog (1835110) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002218)

move along

Re:These are not the money bags you're looking for (1)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002246)

He loses some coolness points for wearing camo pants [nydailynews.com] . No self-respecting Jedi or Sith would be caught dead in them ;)

Not a bad plan (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002226)

But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.

There were actually 3 robbers. (5, Funny)

DWMorse (1816016) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002264)

One that actually walked into the bank, one that did the voice demanding the money, and one that will go to jail for showing his face for a few seconds.

Re:There were actually 3 robbers. (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002392)

I was disappointed to find out that the third robber wasn't black.

Re:There were actually 3 robbers. (5, Funny)

elrous0 (869638) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002634)

And most hated of all...the one whiny little girl-man robber who will later be edited into the security camera footage.

Good thing nobody tried to shoot him (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002272)

He'd have stopped the bullets with his gloved hand and then used the Force to disarm the shooter.

Obviously (3, Funny)

dimethylxanthine (946092) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002280)

At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...
---
"No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons, you can't possibly... "

Re:Obviously (5, Funny)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002366)

At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...

I'm sure their executives do.

Re:Obviously (1, Redundant)

dimethylxanthine (946092) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002400)

Hahahaha

Re:Obviously (0, Troll)

dimethylxanthine (946092) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002944)

-1 Redundant for showing my appreciation for a funny comment? That's scandalous! Is that considered taboo now around here? I find the modder's lack of faith disturbing, but I'll just assume it was a slip of the wrist. No words, seriously...

Re:Obviously (1)

Reginald2 (1859758) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003102)

Agreed, there is no way he was acting on his own on this one. In other news, The United States has been removed from the world trade empire and branded rebels.

He'll be pretty easy to spot (5, Funny)

Mabbo (1337229) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002300)

Just go to the next convention, and look for the guy who is no longer living in his mother's basement.

Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot (4, Funny)

93,000 (150453) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002626)

No, it'll be the guy whose mom drops him off in an pimped out Escalade.

Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot (4, Funny)

Alsee (515537) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003266)

The police did pull over a suspicious pimped out Escalade, but according to the paperwork the driver wasn't the bank robber they were looking for.

-

Unusual (4, Funny)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002334)

Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?

"I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."

Re:Unusual (5, Funny)

jd2112 (1535857) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003194)

Cheney is hard up for cash because of his recent heart surgery. It was a lot more expensive than anticipated because the surgeons have never worked on anything that small...

WTF? (0, Flamebait)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002350)

How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

Re:WTF? (5, Insightful)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002408)

How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

The main reason is that while this world contains some wonderful things in it, it also contains lots and lots of bad stuff. Being able to find humor in bad situations can make life more bearable despite some of its horrors. Laughing at a situation or event doesn't necessarily mean that we'd chose for it to come about, it's a way of trying to enjoy life despite living in an often painful world.

Re:WTF? (0, Redundant)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002588)

Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

Re:WTF? (1)

DikSeaCup (767041) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002664)

You obviously didn't find the car scene in PULP FICTION funny. Or, for that matter, the scene leading up to that in the apartment.

I, and a lot of the people I know, did.

Re:WTF? (4, Insightful)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002686)

Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

Something can be both evil and funny at the same time.

You're right that it's vile for someone to threaten another person with a gun. It's not that aspect of this which we're all laughing at. We're lauging at someone doing something grave while dressed up as a movie character, and at the irony / apropriateness / etc. of having Darth Vader perform an actual evil act.

Re:WTF? (-1, Troll)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002738)

Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come. I'm glad that nobody got hurt, of course, but I simply cannot see this as amusing, and I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.

Re:WTF? (3, Insightful)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002820)

I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.

I don't think we have much control over what we find amusing. Is your concern that we're publicly making merry of this situation, and in doing so we seem to be either (a) condoning what happened, or (b) doing something that might effectivly rub salt in the psychological wounds of the bank teller?

Or are you saying that it's in poor taste that we even find this situation funny in the first place? Because I can understand applying "poor taste" to how we act, but not to what our original emotional response (amusement) is to this story. Perhaps instead of saying our feelings are in poor taste, you should say you're "disappointed" or "dismayed" that so many people had a feeling of amusement about the story?

Re:WTF? (1, Interesting)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003030)

Well, I'm more concerned about conveying the appearance of (a) than actually causing (b), as how other people react isn't something we can have any control over, although I think everybody in society has some obligation to be respectful of the lives of other people, even those they do not personally know.

Now to address your second paragraph, yes, it would be highly accurate to say I am dismayed or disappointed at what seems to be the reaction to this story. I realize that the person's outfit, in most other public places and in other circumstances, would probably be highly amusing, but I think that the fact that somebody could have potentially died sort of overshadows that...

About the only good thing in this story is that nobody got hurt.

Re:WTF? (1)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003254)

About the only good thing in this story is that nobody got hurt.

How about the fact that we managed to have a real discussion on /. ? That's no small miracle.

Re:WTF? (3, Insightful)

molnarcs (675885) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003072)

Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come. I'm glad that nobody got hurt, of course, but I simply cannot see this as amusing, and I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.

I find your lack of perspective disturbing.

Re:WTF? (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003084)

Speaking as a former teller in a badly located bank, it happens a few times a month.

You start to get used to it, and having a funny story to tell certainly helps

Re:WTF? (1)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003522)

I would not have thought a person could *EVER* get used to being threatened with death if they did not give them money. It may very well be the intention of a robber to not wish to actually harm anybody if he gets what he wants, but how can one ever know in advance of complying that they will not be shot anyways? Complying may represent the teller's best chance of not being injured, but I see it as being quite far from any sort of guarantee or even making that outcome likely. And I'd imagine that the thought one could die just doing their job when it isn't supposed to have any sort of life-threatening situations as part of the regular course of the position (nor is it accompanied by danger pay, for that matter) would stay with a person for a very long time to come.

Re:WTF? (1)

JosKarith (757063) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003442)

"to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people " Hi, this is /. You must be new here...

Re:WTF? (2, Insightful)

canesfan (607211) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003530)

Ease up kid! We are laughing at a dufus in a Darth Vader Costume. Why not cry to the Media for inserting the Darth Vader line in what you would obviously prefer to read nutjob in costume robs bank. Umm... I for one would read no further. However, Darth Vader robs bank deserves further scrutiny and yes a good laugh! Should I remind you that the authors intent is to drive traffic to his sight and thus increase add revenues. So don't whine to us because you find this tasteless and offensive. Turn the channel Chief!

Re:WTF? (3, Insightful)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002742)

Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.

In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.

As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.

Re:WTF? (4, Insightful)

molnarcs (675885) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003196)

Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.

In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.

As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.

I think prescribing what people should find funny would lead to a very bleak world. Humour has nothing to do with morality, except perhaps when it's used as a tool to humiliate others. This is not the case here - and the guy you replied to has no way of knowing how the teller reacted or how he coped with the situation after it happened. In fact, a lot of people find humour a good way to work through traumatic experiences. Whenever I am under considerable stress, or something bad happens, sooner or later I'll find a way to look back and smile. I also think you are talking to a wall here. GP simply lacks the capacity to look at a situation from different perspectives while believing that his own perspective is morally superiour to everyone else's. A trait shared by religious zealots and fanatics, self-indignant extreme-right politicians, etc... ironically, the kind of people you and I would never describe as moral or ethical ;)

Re:WTF? (1)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003588)

GP simply lacks the capacity to look at a situation from different perspectives while believing that his own perspective is morally superiour to everyone else's. A trait shared by religious zealots and fanatics, self-indignant extreme-right politicians, etc... ironically, the kind of people you and I would never describe as moral or ethical ;)

It sounds like you consider your own perspective so morally superior to those of "religious zealots" and extreme-right politicians that you can't look at a situation from their persepctive. Interesting.

Re:WTF? (1)

mark-t (151149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003596)

You are correct, I do not know what the teller thought of the situation... but the guy had a gun, presumably loaded, and could have killed anybody in that bank.. and not just the teller. Statistically, the number of bank robberies that turn violent when the teller complies with the robber's demands may be quite low, but I would not find that statistic particularly comforting had I been there thinking my own life could be in danger.

Re:WTF? (4, Insightful)

joeytmann (664434) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002792)

Obviously the act of robbing a bank is not funny at all. The robber choosing to use a Darth Vader costume to conceal his identity is fucking hilarious.

Re:WTF? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003558)

Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

While I might be disturbed for a bit afterwards if it happened to me, it would actually be the kind of thing I could laugh about after a while.

Re:WTF? (2, Interesting)

Monchanger (637670) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002856)

Well put.

I'm so tired I initially misread the title as saying "Darth Vader robes long and black", to which my reaction was "yeah, I knew that- how's that news?". Which in retrospect was actually funny. As you pointed out, humor is a great thing, but I believe for more reasons than that given by Heinlein to "Mike", who put it thus:

"I had thought -- I had been told -- that a 'funny' thing is a thing of a goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing itself. I grok it is a bravery . . . and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."

Re:WTF? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002426)

I find your lack of faith disturbing!

Re:WTF? (1)

ArhcAngel (247594) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002532)

It's amusing because when robbing a bank (or most any nefarious activity) the object is to be as nondescript as possible so as to blend in. All of this guys friends & acquaintances knew it was him the minute they saw this. I would be shocked if the Police don't already know who it is.

Re:WTF? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002906)

All of this guys friends & acquaintances knew it was him the minute they saw this

Of course. How could they fail to recognize his mother waiting outside in the getaway car?

Re:WTF? (4, Funny)

Chrisq (894406) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002660)

How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

Is that you Ned Flanders?

Cool (3, Funny)

lyinhart (1352173) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002354)

Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.

Re:Cool (4, Funny)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002486)

Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.

Quiet, or you'll give Lucas an idea for another prequel: "Episode 3.5: How Vader Acquired Funding for the Death Star".

(Oh crap - I think he heard me.)

Re:Cool (1)

travdaddy (527149) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002758)

Actually, this is how [blogspot.com] he got his money for the Death Star.

Re:Cool (1)

BobMcD (601576) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003556)

No wonder he turned to bank robbery after panhandling. He likely acquired the funds enough to buy a pistol and took a leap of faith.

Sounds like a decent flick, actually. Maybe the Chad Vader guys will pick it up...

Re:Cool (2, Funny)

AtomicOrange (1667101) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003188)

Anything is more cool than the entirety of the prequels...

actually what prequels were you referring to? There is only the Star Wars Trilogy.

Very Smart (1)

Prien715 (251944) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002384)

This is actually really smart. Who knows the robber's age/weight/sex? Same logic behind dressing in Santa outfit, though Vader's a bit more suspicious.

All you have to do is literally change out of the outfit into your street clothes (maybe wear a suit and put the costume into a snazzy briefcase) and no one will know the difference.

Re:Very Smart (1)

erroneus (253617) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002492)

The same brilliant idea occurred to the KKK long, long ago... ...just sayin'

Re:Very Smart (1)

Chrisq (894406) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002680)

The same brilliant idea occurred to the KKK long, long ago... ...just sayin'

Just as long as they don't build a death star.

Re:Very Smart (1)

weirdcrashingnoises (1151951) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002570)

burn the clothes, but keep wearing the helmet. it would be a great defense. "if i had just robbed the bank as dressed as vader i wouldn't be stupid enough to keep wearing the helmet!"

Re:Very Smart (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003094)

and some of those masks have built in voice-changers, hiding the robber's identity even further.

ATM (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002390)

"Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine

Free Lightsaber with every new account (5, Funny)

magusxxx (751600) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002402)

"I find your lack of interest in your savings accounts disturbing." --- "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant to a well diversified IRA."--- "Asteroids do not concern me, Teller. I want that ship, not excuses. Now get me a low percentage loan."--- "When I left you I was but an accountant. Now I am the bank manager."

He's heading for that small Bank (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002422)

That's no Bank;

It's a credit union.

Disturbance (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002442)

I feel a disturbance in the force, as if millions of dollars cried out in horror, and were then silently showed into a bag.

Lightsaber would've been better (1)

Pawnn (1708484) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002456)

How much cooler would this story be if he actually used a fake lightsaber to threaten people with?

Re:Lightsaber would've been better (1)

KDN (3283) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002650)

I'd settle for a Kendo stick if he really new how to use it.

Re:Lightsaber would've been better (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002736)

How much cooler would this story be if he actually used a fake lightsaber to threaten people with?

How about a real one?

http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/07/05/lucasfilm-demands-wicked-lasers-stop-making-lightsaber-like-laser/

How I imagine the call to the tips line... (4, Funny)

debozero (209948) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002506)

Operator: Hello Tip line

Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery

Operator: OK go ahead..

Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.

Operator: OK how does this help

Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......

Operator: Who is this?

Caller: It's Han {static}

Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again

Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}

Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities

Caller: OK can you hear me now?

Operator: Yes.

Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo

Operator: um why?

Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY

{Call cuts off}

Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (4, Insightful)

MBGMorden (803437) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002694)

Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo

PROTON torpedo. Photon torpedos were Star Trek, not Star Wars.

Somehow, I feel ashamed to know that fact, but I couldn't let it slide. ;)

Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002896)

No shame is required, Protons are particles of matter which could probably cause damage if concentrated correctly. Photons are particles of light energy which probably wouldn't do much besides blind someone when concentrated, they don't even carry any heat energy.

That's a very important distinction where one ends up with a big explosion and one ends up with a flashbulb.

Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (1)

TheRaven64 (641858) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003016)

Photons are particles of light energy which probably wouldn't do much besides blind someone when concentrated.

Maybe you should tell that to people who have been injured by lasers or by the x-ray burst of a nuclear bomb...

Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (1)

BobMcD (601576) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003600)

Yes, yes, and your mother was a Romulan and we're all insensitive clods...

Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... (1)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003234)

Photons are particles of light energy which probably wouldn't do much besides blind someone when concentrated

You've never heard of gamma rays, have you?

Bank tellers last words (4, Insightful)

dbet (1607261) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002578)

Was it:

a. May the cash be with you.
b. If you shoot me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
c. The power to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.

The pose... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002606)

The pose in that picture when he's strolling into the bank is absolutely classic. Vader knows how to handle a gun like a professional!

Jail Cell (0)

ctchristmas (1821682) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002666)

News Reporter: This just in, Darth Vader is now being put into Jail and his cell mate, *overly long pause* Lindsay Lohan.

Why Darth Vader? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002678)

Maybe it was Chad [wikipedia.org] ?

Hey man... (1)

interval1066 (668936) | more than 3 years ago | (#33002796)

...times are tough. What else are you going to do when the Death Star's runnin' on empty? Do ya think that bank is part of the Rebel Alliance?

His lawyer... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33002838)

can use the Chewbacca Defense

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a Dark Lord of the Sith, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

They can steal it back... (3, Funny)

hoytak (1148181) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003096)

... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

Re:They can steal it back... (1)

actionbastard (1206160) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003262)

... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

No, it's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda at Panucci's Pizza; 1077.

Re:They can steal it back... (4, Funny)

cstacy (534252) | more than 3 years ago | (#33003334)

... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

OMG that's the same combination as my luggage!

Re:They can steal it back... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003528)

Insert canonical luggage response here.

I am (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003174)

Luke I am your Robber.

Prison might be rought for this guy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003210)

He might find jabba the hut in prison that turns him from Darth Vader to princes leia.

ATM? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#33003412)

wait.. doesn't he have an ATM in that chest of his?

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