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Pee On Your Phone STD Test

samzenpus posted more than 3 years ago | from the there's-a-drippy-app-for-that dept.

Cellphones 208

Shakrai writes "British health officials are hard at work on a new app that will allow users to pee into their cell phones and find out within minutes if they have an STD. From the article: 'Doctors and technology experts are developing small devices, similar to pregnancy testing kits, that will tell someone quickly and privately if they have caught an infection through sexual contact. People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.'"

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208 comments

really? (2, Insightful)

adeelarshad82 (1482093) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173370)

not sure i'm going to want to hold that phone again

Re:really? (3, Informative)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173610)

At least read the summary:

People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have.

Bad headline. You aren't peeing on the phone, you're peeing on a slide that contains a chip that you plug into the phone.

Re:really? (5, Interesting)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173670)

Bad headline

Blame the editors, I used a different headline when I submitted the article.

Re:really? (1)

Eraesr (1629799) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174000)

I'm not really sure what the application of this is. Why not simply make a stand-alone STD test that doesn't require a phone. I mean, it has worked for pregnancy tests for years. I'm pretty sure you don't need a 1GHz Snapdragon CPU to determine if you've got hepatitis or not.

Re:really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174100)

You mean you have no idea at all and you're making an uneducated guess?

Re:really? (3, Insightful)

camperdave (969942) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174110)

I'm not really sure what the application of this is.

So your results can be transmitted to medical authorities.

Re:really? (1)

yakumo.unr (833476) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174262)

why create an expensive device with more components when you can keep your production costs really low, and your potential user-base really high (due to the much lower selling cost) if you can just use the powerful hardware in other prevalent devices instead?

This way they only need to produce a sensor chip addon, and software to read it that uses the processing power in the phone.

Re:really? (4, Insightful)

ShanghaiBill (739463) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174568)

I'm not really sure what the application of this is.

The summary lists "test yourself" as the main application, but I think the real application will be "test the other person". If it becomes socially acceptable to ask for a saliva sample before having sex, this could put a real dent in STD rates.

Why not simply make a stand-alone STD test that doesn't require a phone.

Because it would cost more.

I mean, it has worked for pregnancy tests for years.

Pregnancy related hormones are far, far more concentrated in the urine than antibodies to STDs.

I'm pretty sure you don't need a 1GHz Snapdragon CPU ...

You don't need 1GHz, but you do need a CPU. Since everyone already has a cellphone, you don't need another CPU to do the analysis or another device to display the result.

Re:really? (2, Funny)

ArhcAngel (247594) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174192)

Would you have even looked at the article if the headline had been different? The headline is perfect and my entire office just laughed their asses of at cooking their testicles and then peeing on their phone.

Re:really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173728)

Again with the misleading headlines. Good to see Slashdot joining the bad journalism camp, the summary says place a drop of urine on a chip that gets plugged into you phone, somehow that translates to "Pee on your Phone".

Re:really? (1)

TheBilgeRat (1629569) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174434)

Oh, come on now-you don't really think there won't be SOMEONE in a drunken stupor who gets the order backwards after banging that ugly bar chick?

"What? Pee on slide THEN plug into phone?! CRAAAAAAP!"

It could be a good thing (was: Re:really?) (1)

beh (4759) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173930)

After that, you might hold your (albeit maybe slightly yellowy tinged) iPhone 4 in such an awkward way as to completely eliminate the antenna issue...

More talk (1)

grub (11606) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173374)


The extra bit of mood-making dirty talk is the icing on the cake.

"Hey baby... before I bang all your holes raw, leaving you semi-conscious, covered with sweat, blood, feces, lubricant and semen... would you mind pissing on my cell phone?"

Re:More talk (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173876)

Please don't ever invite me to your house.

Re:More talk (1)

grub (11606) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173994)


Many of my guests are "Anonymous". They don't start that way, but after a few days in the woods a torso is hard to identify.

Finally (1)

Fibe-Piper (1879824) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173398)

I no longer have to scroll through millions of replies on Answers.com as to whether or not my list of symptoms constitutes space herpes or not.

Pay as you 'go' plan (4, Funny)

Drakkenmensch (1255800) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173418)

Doesn't take a wizz to see they're going for number one!

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan (1)

L4t3r4lu5 (1216702) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174066)

The original testing and review was going to be done by a guy called Bob, but they changed at the last minute and asked a guy called Micturate it.

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174280)

awesome awesome awesome Simpsons ref!

Obligatory "app for that" comment (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173422)

Want to know if the skank you brought home is clean? There's an app for that...

Re:Obligatory "app for that" comment (1)

nospam007 (722110) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173966)

You got the clap? There's an app for that.

Re:Obligatory "app for that" comment (1)

paiute (550198) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174596)

You got the clap? There's an app for that.

I'm seeing syntergy here. Postive test for an STD? Cook it out of your junk with laptop heat!

The free version (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174106)

puts your results in an ad supported searchable online profile.

Number 1 is fine, but what about number 2 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173430)

Personally I'm waiting for the toilet paper app.

Re:Number 1 is fine, but what about number 2 (1)

drunkennewfiemidget (712572) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173476)

They already make one. It's called an iPhone.

That's a HARDware solution. (2, Funny)

denzacar (181829) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173730)

He specifically asked for SOFTware. Some people have sensitive behinds.

Also, some of us believe that when you buy a piece of hardware there shouldn't be any anal violence attached to the process.
Again, not something iPhone is able to provide.

Re:That's a HARDware solution. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174318)

So the iPhone doesn't have a vibrate mode?

STD? (1, Funny)

AnonymousClown (1788472) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173460)

STD? Standard what?

Can't resist. (1)

Arancaytar (966377) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173464)

In response to this, Nintendo has unveiled their first foray into the smartphone market.

The Nintendo Wee.

So, Slashdot is a day behind Drudgereport now. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173466)

Old news.
This story was posted on Drudgereport YESTERDAY.

What we really need (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173492)

They need to develop a condom that changes colors based on the STD it's exposed to. If it changes to plaid you know you dodged a bullet.

Calling Dr. iPhone (5, Funny)

Sponge Bath (413667) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173524)

Will it automatically tie in with your Facebook account to alert your friends and family? It's a magical world we live in.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone (2, Funny)

Arancaytar (966377) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173628)

The latest status updates:

[...] is now single - four hours ago.
[...] now has Herpes - six hours ago.

Brett Farve's new excuse! (1)

GPLDAN (732269) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173548)

He thought Jenn Streger was a team doctor and he was trying to give his phone a sample!!!!!!!!

I could be wrong, but... (1)

chemicaldave (1776600) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173572)

...you'd think people with smartphones have the money and sense to use protection.

However, this would be great for health professionals who work where there's no easy access to medical facilities.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173626)

Hookers need mobile devices too. How else can you book a john while on the go to and from hotels all over town?

Re:I could be wrong, but... (2, Insightful)

Shakrai (717556) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173646)

...you'd think people with smartphones have the money and sense to use protection.

Well, protection only reduces your chance of contracting certain diseases, it does not eliminate it. It's also less than effective on certain (herpes) STIs than is commonly believed.

Monogamy > protection. Added bonus: Not having to use condoms. That interface didn't evolve with a piece of latex in mind....

Re:I could be wrong, but... (3, Funny)

Permutation Citizen (1306083) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173724)

I don't practice monogamy, I never need condoms, but I still have zero risk of STD.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (2, Funny)

Anitech (1208966) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173882)

I don't practice monogamy, I never need condoms, but I still have zero risk of STD.

Switching between your left and right hand still counts as a single partner.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (1)

vlm (69642) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173934)

Sheep jokes are NZ not UK. Almost at opposite points of the planet.
UK jokes are supposed to be all about the irony, which Americans don't understand and think is something only blacksmiths and steelworkers use.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174342)

Nonono, you still want a condom with a sheep or else you'll catch mad-sheep disease. It causes an irresistible desire to bang sheep.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (1)

Odiche (513692) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174548)

Unless of course you are talking about Wales. Then you can use the sheep jokes.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (2, Funny)

gstoddart (321705) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174562)

Sheep jokes are NZ not UK. Almost at opposite points of the planet.

Well, Scotland and Wales are in the UK -- I know for sure I've heard many a Scotsman/sheep joke.

Never really been sure what the Welsh are saying though -- there could be sheep involved. It's hard to tell.

Re:I could be wrong, but... (1)

Taibhsear (1286214) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174308)

Monogamy > protection.

Apparently you've never heard of viruses that lie dormant... or monogamy that isn't quite as monogamous as you thought/hoped/believed.

Warning!!!! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173576)

You have been infected!

click here now to order our latest antivirus hardware.

Our sensors have also found you could use our latest VIAGRA products,
Order them together and get a discount!

The future isn't going to change anything.

API (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173588)

std::ClapDetector() etc

Go-a-oa-s-ie solar sell testing (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173590)

hahaha I won't even put the link

Camera Testing? (2, Insightful)

Doc Ruby (173196) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173632)

How about a little rig with capillary tubes etched throughout a couple of thin plastic plates that you touch edgewise to some urine or blood, that pulls the fluid through, then snaps into a little frame attached to the phone's camera lens. All calibrated to give image data to a server that looks for interactions of disease causes/products with the sizes, shapes and materials in the tubes. Then sends results back to the phone. The little rig should be small and cheap enough to dispense in nightclub bathrooms or drugstores, neater than a pregnancy test, and without leaving any analysis up to the user's eyesight, manual dexterity or intelligence.

The people we most want getting prompt STD infection results are the ones who already aren't competent to keep safe by practicing safe sex. And other infectious diseases are just a little further back in the "evolution safety skills" stack. "Foolproof" is the #1 design objective, because fools have a higher rate of being the most important user segment.

Re:Camera Testing? (1)

Odiche (513692) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174462)

"Foolproof" is the #1 design objective, because fools have a higher rate of being the most important user segment." This is hilarious, and now my new sig line!!!

That's nothing... (0, Offtopic)

OneSmartFellow (716217) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173672)

..... I'm developing an application that turns your iPhone into a 4.8 oz hammer. Buy it from iStore, install it on your phone, and presto, yuou can drive nails with your iPhone. I make no guarentees about how long the iPhone will last when used in this manner.

This Is Prevention, Too (2, Insightful)

Doc Ruby (173196) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173680)

People who pee on their phones are less likely to get any sexually transmitted disease, because they're less likely to get any sex (with another person, anyway).

However, those phone peeing people who do get sex are more likely to catch something dirty, given the kind of people who will have sex with them.

The use stats of a device like this could tell us quite a lot about human nature.

Hmmm (1)

Stooshie (993666) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173688)

Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news you are clear of STDs. The bad news is your phone is buggered!

Cell phone? (1)

conteXXt (249905) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173694)

Why a cell phone? Why not just a usb dongle + software?

Re:Cell phone? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173762)

So you don't have to go home first!

Re:Cell phone? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173796)

Because cell phones are rapidly overtaking PCs as the dominant computing platform, and installing software on them is generally pretty easy.

Re:Cell phone? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173844)

Because the kid of people who take their laptops to bed tend to go to bed alone.

Re:Cell phone? (1)

vlm (69642) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173860)

Why a cell phone? Why not just a usb dongle + software?

Almost certainly so they (govt, etc) can track down people with positive results. At some point in the device is a microcontroller pin where OK = H and infected = L (maybe open collector from multiple sensors who knows). The app on the phone merely reads binary 0 or 1 and then promptly, probably literally, phones home to report. You could probably find that pin on the embedded microcontroller, feed in +5 and hook up an LED if you want privacy.

Given the UK attitude toward cameras being the miracle cure for all social ills, I figure the other use is to snap a candid pic of the newly positive, for like a reality show or something.

Re:Cell phone? (1)

digitig (1056110) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174122)

I figure the other use is to snap a candid pic of the newly positive, for like a reality show or something.

Considering the shot it's going to get, that show is only going to air on rather -- er -- specialist channels.

One thing is abundantly clear (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173772)

I'm never borrowing a phone again.

1 in 5 drop phones in the toilet (1)

ral (93840) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173818)

According to a study commissioned by Microsoft [tmcnet.com] "Nineteen percent have dropped their mobile phone in the toilet while using the phone in a restroom."

I was wondering why Microsoft would ask about that. Now I know.

Wouldn't this void the warranty? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34173850)

Wouldn't this void the warranty?

Possible false security? (5, Insightful)

OzPeter (195038) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173858)

Not all STDs can be tested for via a urine test, but if average person pee's and detects no infection it may actually give them a false sense of security and thus help increase infection rates of STDs that require blood or other tests.

The above could also lead to a game of "lets pee on the phone *before* we have sex and if we both come up clean then we can ditch the condoms" - yeah that'll help infection rates

Some previous responses have said "People who can afford smart phones are smart enough to use protection". I'll counter with "People who can afford smart phones can also afford alcohol, and alcohol and urgency will decrease protection usage"

Finally what is the false negative rate of this test

How soon does it work after infection? (1)

Straker Skunk (16970) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173892)

What I'd like to know is, does this test have the problem of most STD tests where you have to wait ~6 months after infection to get a positive result, since it only detects STD-antibodies (and not the STD itself) and it takes about that long for them to build up sufficiently high?

Re:How soon does it work after infection? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174004)

In other words, before using the cellphone for the STD test, remember to load the battery very well...

Re:How soon does it work after infection? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174380)

Tell your doctors to stop outsourcing to labs overseas. Seriously, no test takes more than a month to get a result back.

Re:How soon does it work after infection? (1)

OzPeter (195038) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174444)

Tell your doctors to stop outsourcing to labs overseas. Seriously, no test takes more than a month to get a result back.

He's not talking about how long the test takes, but how long it takes for the body to respond to the infection to generate the markers that can be detected by the tests. You can have a rolling window of several months to years for some infections

WARNING (3, Funny)

jbuck (579032) | more than 3 years ago | (#34173992)

This may be a fake article... I just tried it with my HTC Droid Incredible and I can report that it does NOT work as TFA title advertised. In fact, my screen is kinda blanking out now. Does my phone need to be rooted or something?

.

related note: Used HTC Inc for sale. Froyo. Almost like new. almost. Cheap!

pissing on iphones (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#34174158)

Most of us here already piss daily on the iphone. I see no adaption problems for this technology.

Hitchhiker's Guide Reference (1)

Shotgun (30919) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174580)

and you all laughed about the telephone cleaners being sent to the new Earth. HA! HA! Who's laughing now?!

Security? (1)

shadowfaxcrx (1736978) | more than 3 years ago | (#34174592)

When this app hits the market, someone should see what permissions it's asking for.

I can see it now - uploads to an auto-twitter-updater. "LOL @Soandso has herpes!"

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