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Who Unfriended You, and Why

timothy posted more than 3 years ago | from the look-to-your-left-look-to-your-right dept.

Facebook 122

Barence writes "Given that social-networking sites like to put across a happy-clappy image of friendship and joy, it's not surprising that they're less keen to tell you when someone doesn't want to be as friendly with you any more. PC Pro reveals how to find out who really hates you on social networks. It's possible to track who's quietly dropped you from their Facebook friends list, for example, by installing Firefox's Greasemonkey add-in and running a special script. Meanwhile, there are sites that will reveal the exact tweet that turned people off your Twitter account."

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122 comments

And? (4, Insightful)

singingjim1 (1070652) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042290)

I'm pretty sure I don't really give a crap who drops me. I go through my list and clean house about once every couple months. As a racing cyclist I get friend invites all the time from people I barely know. I keep them around for a while and if they don't participate or I find I really don't like them in person I add them to the drop list for next housecleaning time. People worry about what other people think about them WAY too much. I just don't give a fuck.

Re:And? (4, Insightful)

Servaas (1050156) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042326)

I just don't give a fuck.

That's why all these social websites have been such big hits. Cause non of us care what other people think.

Re:And? (1)

Rockoon (1252108) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042432)

I had one person un-friend me because I pointed out what a huge hypocrite they were, owning and driving an SUV all the time while they were also complaining on facebook about those dirty oil companies....

This person wasnt a friend tho... its called a friends list but really its just a contact list of sorts.. I have like 100 people from work 'friended', maybe 20 family members, 5 or 6 old friends from 'back in the day', maybe 5 actual current friends, and then a couple of jam band guys (such as a member of RAQ [raqmusic.com] .. some youtube samples [youtube.com] ) that I've met over the years...

The females more often than not treat it like the worst aspects of twitter.. "I'm doing my laundry", "cleaning is done", "leaving for work", or some feel-good "copy this if you..." crap.

The guys more often than not are posting about up-coming events... bands that are coming to town and so forth...

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042762)

Devils advocate - what the fuck does it matter if he drives an SUV? The difference in oil usage between an SUV and, say, a Prius may be sizeable to the individual, but to the oil companies, it's not even a drop in the bucket.
 
I assume you never use any kind of product or service that has any link to petroleum even through 3 degrees of separation, right? Because otherwise, you're a hypocrite too. Whether you steal $100 from your company or $1000, you're still a thief.

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042918)

wow, somebody drives a hummer!

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043288)

wow, somebody drives a hummer!

and it hasn't fixed the small penis issue.

Re:And? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043690)

Didn't you get the memo? The girls all know this. If you want people to think you have a big dick, drive something cheap/efficient, since obviously you aren't compensating!

Re:And? (1)

bertoelcon (1557907) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044872)

Didn't you get the memo? The girls all know this. If you want people to think you have a big dick, drive something cheap/efficient, since obviously you aren't compensating!

Shh, don't give away the secret of driving a Geo Metro.

I do not think that word means what you think it m (3, Informative)

TheABomb (180342) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043132)

hypocrisy n. pl -sies
1. the practice of professing standards, beliefs, etc, contrary to one's real character or actual behaviour, esp he pretence of virtue and piety (-source: World English Dictionary)

Alice bitches about the evil of Product X but makes such choices in her life so as to use more Product X than all of her friends and neighbors.

Bob points out that Person A does both, but he doesn't pretend to care one way or the other about Product X.

Alice is a hypocrite. Bob is not. Bob might be irresponsibly using Product X himself, or he might be a pompous asshole who likes to point out others' mistakes, but unless Bob at the same time explicitly points out or at least strongly implies that he does not share those self-same faults, Bob is not practicing hypocrisy.

Re:And? (1)

oliverthered (187439) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043422)

I ride a bike and I ride it where I like. I also have boots that are made for walking, and that's just what I'll do.

(I also own a fat car, that's off the road and has been for a while!)

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043686)

RTFA? You didn't even RTFC. What a total fail at reading comprehension.

Devils advocate - what the fuck does it matter if he drives an SUV? The difference in oil usage between an SUV and, say, a Prius may be sizable to the individual, but to the oil companies, it's not even a drop in the bucket.

If you're going to be an advocate try being at least a little bit convincing. The fact is that lots of people having SUVs is a really big problem. What matters is the percentages and in this case SUVs mean you need much more fuel than other people. You would do much better to point out that complaining about SUVs is stupid when we allow some people to have private jets. The simple answer is to tax fuels according to the amount of damage they cause; the amount of CO2 released overall (which would also put paid to stupid things like using oil to grow plants which are used to make ethanol).

I assume you never use any kind of product or service that has any link to petroleum even through 3 degrees of separation, right? Because otherwise, you're a hypocrite too. Whether you steal $100 from your company or $1000, you're still a thief.

Now here's the bit where you really lost it. The grandparent shows no sign of attacking the SUV driver over his use of oil. He mentions the other guy's hypocrisy but that is because the other guy complains about oil companies, not because he uses oil . Given that, the grandparent poster's use of oil or non-use of oil is a completely moot point. Even having said that your point was stupid

Re:And? (1)

JWSmythe (446288) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043704)

    The more important part may be, why does the person drive a SUV? Do they have 6+ passengers on a regular basis? Do they have to carry large/heavy cargo? Do they need to tow trailers? While I'll agree there are people with SUV's that don't need them, there are plenty of people who do buy the appropriate vehicle for their purpose.

    But hey, soccer mom with two kids who gets her husband to buy groceries because they're "too heavy" or she "may break a nail", doesn't need a F650 XUV [google.com] , to drive 30 miles for daily her manicure, and shuttling the kids between places that she can drop them so she doesn't actually have to deal with them.

    I've been considering buying a SUV, only because I do have large cargo to move on occasion. Those would be the occasions I'd drive it. Otherwise, I'd drive my car.

Re:And? (1)

Rockoon (1252108) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044646)

Devils advocate - what the fuck does it matter if he drives an SUV?

They are crying about the evil oil companies... while giving it a good shot at maximizing their usage of oil.

I assume you never use any kind of product or service that has any link to petroleum

Thats your fucking problem. You assume instead of read what what said. Likely, this is a common problem of yours. You never expect people to say exactly what they mean. I said exactly what I meant, and didn't mean any more than that. I'm an thinking individual that knows how to form sentences to express an exact intended meaning. I find that people that don't 'get' this simple concept of others saying exactly what they mean, are also incapable of saying exactly what they mean themselves. Usually they are prone to extreme exaggerations, faulty logic, and bullshit asshole assumptions.

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043352)

Never heard of RAQ.. thank you. They're awesome!

Re:And? (3, Insightful)

Cruciform (42896) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043778)

I'm an anti-religion activist/slacktivist, so back when I had a Facebook account I posted news on secularism and a LOT of links to abuse by religious organizations.

I'm not the type of person to look up people and add them unless they've interacted with me first. But I also come from a huge family so I accepted friend requests from relatives who felt they needed to be my friend for some reason.

They started griping about the content of my feed, one in particular gave me a lecture. Somehow, they and the self-proclaimed "social media gurus" seem to feel that they have the right to dictate what I can and cannot provide social commentary on. They received a swift invitation to fuck off.

  It seems people can't (or won't) differentiate between their content, which they give you the opportunity to comment on, and your content which they aggregate into their feed. Telling me I can't post my "atheist agenda" to my own feed because they didn't want to see it in theirs is high on the order of social media dumbfuckery.

Ditto the "gurus" who like to proclaim to people "you're using Twitter wrong". Some people treat it like a life ticker. Others like IRC or a grattiti wall. It is just a communication tool and its use evolves with the community, which remains in a fluid state. But some people just feel the need to be the boss.

Re:And? (0)

nospam007 (722110) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042434)

Lots of users suffer from NPD, they need to be befriended by the people who had their locker near them 20 years ago, because they don't have any friends in real life. Being unfriended makes them go off their meds.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder.

The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder [wikimedia.org]

Re:And? (1)

BrokenHalo (565198) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042938)

"Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder."

It quite possibly is, but that doesn't really tell us anything meaningful or useful. The trouble with the psychology/psychiatry disciplines is that they have a tendency to trap their patients/victims in an endless loop of self-doubt from which they rarely escape, while practitioners' theories seem to mutate from year to year without any very solid evidence.

Getting back to the point, though:

The simple fact is that people haven't changed since before the internet became available. If someone crosses you out of their address book, it means that they have grown out of you, or been left behind by you, or that you have pissed them off, or that you're nothing but a sad git who doesn't have the courage to face the fact that you're past your youth, or any of a host of other reasons. The important things are to stand tall and know who your real friends are. And I can guarantee you won't have 5,000 of them.

Re:And? (1)

TheABomb (180342) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043232)

Maybe, but in pre-Internet times, address books were private, and the only time someone saw who was in yours was when you died and your kids were going through it to see whom they needed to call and tell. If you were crossed out of someone's, the only clue was that you stopped getting cards at Christmas or she stopped returning your calls. Nowadays, the analogous list is public, and removing someone from it is essentially a public shunning of the removee, and there is some shame that comes along with that shunning. In the long run, does it matter? Probably not, in 100 years both of you will be dead, but in the here and now, it is foolish to ignore social conventions and their consequences. If I don't talk to my dad IRL, life goes on. But if I de-friend my sister on Facebook, the entire family's going to find out.

Re:And? (1)

mfnickster (182520) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043746)

Lots of users suffer from NPD, they need to be befriended by the people who had their locker near them 20 years ago, because they don't have any friends in real life. Being unfriended makes them go off their meds.

...and that would affect me how, exactly?

Re:And? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042640)

The truth is most people into the social websites don't care about other people, BUT they think everyone cares about them. Social websites are generally circle jerks, post something stupid, people comment, they post something stupid, you comment so they will comment on your inane posts in the future. This is all an attempt to ward off loneliness (Similar to the inane phone texts or calls), by using social websites in such a manner they fool themselves into thinking people REALLY care and they have REAL friends.

I'd rather have one friend I interacted with in real life and do things with on a regular basis, than 100s of facebook "friends", other wise known as acquaintances.

Re:And? (1)

insertwackynamehere (891357) | more than 3 years ago | (#35045234)

No one outside of high school is trying to rack up friends on Facebook like it's a score. Facebook friends are really just contacts and most social people do indeed develop 1000s of contacts. Is it necessary to keep track of all of them? Probably not. But with Facebook, there is no cost associated with adding someone. Now granted you could argue that the more people you add, the greater risk you run of losing your privacy but many people know how to use Facebook in a manner responsible enough that this is not a real problem. Ideally, adding someone is a costless task that marginally will increase your network of contacts. Contacts are important for all aspects of life, just like networking.

If you think of Facebook as a networked representation of an address book and stop getting hung up on the cutesy names they use for their functionality (like referring to everyone as "friends") you would get it.

Reasons for using Facebook (5, Interesting)

Deep Esophagus (686515) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042692)

I'm missing the connection you suggest between using social networking sites and caring what other people think. I fought Facebook for years because it's just another flash in the pan fad, but while my son was at army basic training he mentioned that his unit had a Facebook page. So I signed up just to be able to read whatever news they posted.

Turns out friends I lost track of years ago are also there, and friends I'd like to keep up with but don't seem to use email much. So after my son came home I kept up with Facebook. Not because I give a flying Microsoft what people think, but because it's nice to know how my friends are doing -- I would not have otherwise known that a former colleague has been diagnosed with breast cancer, or the daughter of a family friend is having a baby. I block all the announcements of who is playing what games, I roll my eyes whenever one of them succumbs to the "If you care about SOME_CAUSE you will post this as your status" meme, and once in a while I can follow up with some concern -- "How did that operation turn out?" "Did you pass neurobiology?" "Did you get any cool pictures of that horrible growth before they removed it?"

Another thing Facebook revealed was that I'm far more social than I realized. I vowed from the start that I would never accept random friend requests; I only added as friends people I personally know, either in a current environment or a close relationship to in the past. That obnoxious kid whom I only remember because we sat in the same math class? Nope. My best friend's daughter whom I have never met? Nope. The girl who got stuck with me in a special reading group in the first grade because we were both ahead of the rest of the class? Boy, was I glad to find her! So anyway, even with my strict limits on who gets added as a friend, I have about 200. Every single one of them I can tell you about their family or work, I can picture their faces in my memory, I can remember why they are important to me.

As a typical antisocial nerd, I'm astounded. I honestly thought I couldn't count more than five friends across 47.78 years of life.

So yeah, Facebook has the potential to be a mind-numbing exercise in idiocy... but if you use it carefully, it's a great means of keeping up with friends when there isn't really a practical way to call up all 200 of them and ask how they're doing.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

Gaygirlie (1657131) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043502)

I don't understand how can people have so many friends: I have about 15 people in my friends list.. :/ Then again, I have no interest in adding random people there or someone whom I've met only once. I guess _I_ am your typical antisocial nerd, not the previous poster :/

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

kevinmenzel (1403457) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043688)

Yup, you're definitely more the typical antisocial nerd than others on both Slashdot and Facebook - heck, I have 400 friends on facebook - no randoms at all.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043714)

So anyway, even with my strict limits on who gets added as a friend, I have about 200. Every single one of them I can tell you about their family or work, I can picture their faces in my memory, I can remember why they are important to me.

But do they remember you?

To me, a friendship is something mutual. And it goes way beyond just memorizing facts about someone. A friend is someone I'd go out of my way to help (at some cost to myself) and I'd trust with information about me that I'd never put in 'the cloud'.

Some people make a hobby (or profession) out of 'knowing' as many people as possible. Is that friendship? In many ways, having so many friends diminishes the value to which one places on the relationships defined as such.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

jareth-0205 (525594) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043864)

Well said.

Every Slashdot story has a bunch of people saying that "Facebook is useless" and lacking any sort of ability to imagine *why* normal intelligent people like using it. Seems to be one of the current Slashdot methods of showing 'superiority'.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35044038)

Very honestly, I wish you would write a book/tutorial/web page/etc., on how you use Facebook and navigate all the settings etc., to do what you have described.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

roman_mir (125474) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044088)

As a typical antisocial nerd, I'm astounded. I honestly thought I couldn't count more than five friends across 47.78 years of life.

- that's because you are not a typical antisocial nerd... I know antisocial, there are no 5 friends.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35044152)

You never met your best friend's daughter (old enough to use FB), but that's your best friend? Of course, I probably got sucked into an implied hypothetical...

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (1)

Deep Esophagus (686515) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044664)

Ha. No I haven't, because she's way out in western Colorado and has never come to visit him here in Wyoming. She's not only old enough to use Facebook, but also old enough to have a family of her own.

Re:Reasons for using Facebook (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35045084)

where is the like button? O.o

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042392)

People worry about what other people think about them WAY too much. I just don't give a fuck.

You're a pretty good AI, but you just revealed yourself as not being a people. Come, come elucidate your thoughts.

Re:And? (1)

definate (876684) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042484)

I do the same thing, but also I "Ignore" their requests. I find the few people who really want me to on there, will keep re-adding me.

For me however, I try to keep as few people on my list as possible, mainly to save my sanity.

I find that being constantly reminded of people I don't really know, or don't want to know, and what they're doing, pisses me off. Makes me more anxious about my life, and what I'm doing. So, I keep it to a bare minimum. Not sure what's actually happening psychologically, but I think it's me over representing how awesome their life is in my mind, and then comparing them to myself.

Would be interesting to know what anyone who's studied psychology and thought about this, thinks?

Re:And? (1)

Relyx (52619) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042650)

You can just hide their posts and updates from your feed. It's very simple to do - just two clicks on a little cross.

Re:And? (1)

Relyx (52619) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042750)

One thing to remember about social networking sites and blogs is that they allow people to broadcast an "edited" version of life. All the good things and none of the bad. The power of mere omission can be phenomenal (just look at politicians and PR people - they get paid to do this.)

Everyone has problems. Everyone has insecurities. Some are better at hiding it than others. Personally I have found it very liberating to realise that I don't have to be 100% warts and all honest with people. If I'm at a party and a friend asks how I'm doing I say,"Oh I'm fine, how are you?" Maybe I will tell them something good that happened to me that day, or some good news about a mutual friend. No one likes to be around someone who dumps all their misery on them.

Re:And? (1)

flam3boy (1716600) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042926)

People worry about what other people think about them WAY too much. I just don't give a fuck.

My way of thinking also !!!!

Re:And? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043180)

You know what, you are totally right! I have been cleaning out my profile as well and getting rid of "facebook friends" that I really don't communicate with at all on facebook. I'm trying to keep a list of friends who I am close with and hang out with, not friends who knew me from 20 years and just want me as another "friend" on their profile list.

Re:And? (1)

Godskitchen (1017786) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044710)

No kidding. What's the deal with all these Facebook stories. Facebook changes profile. Find out who unfriended you on Facebook. Facebook blah blah blah. None of this shit qualifies as "news for nerds" or "stuff that matters."

Someone who really hates you.. (3, Funny)

Leon Buijs (545859) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042296)

.. doesn't 'friend' you on Facebook in the first place.

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042306)

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (1)

peragrin (659227) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042398)

unless you dated them or one of your friends were dating them and the break up was messy.

personally I am not narcissistic enough for a facebook account.

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (1)

Leon Buijs (545859) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042422)

Agreed, but that's something you already know. You don't need the online tools from the article to figure it out.

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (2)

wrencherd (865833) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042734)

personally I am not narcissistic enough for a facebook account.

. . . just masochistic enough for one on /.?

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (1)

Rob the Bold (788862) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043148)

.. doesn't 'friend' you on Facebook in the first place.

Not in my experience -- my father-in-law friended me, and he's not that fond of me. Maybe not hate . . . I can see why someone would like to keep track of someone they dislike, especially family or other propinquity.

Re:Someone who really hates you.. (1)

Leon Buijs (545859) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043342)

You have a point that this is a possible, even commonly used strategy. For example, there is a old guy who hates my guts. I'm fairly sure we follows me on youTube, because I have posted a video of him flying way to low over our house. Then again, it's still unlikely that he will ever 'unfollow' me.

Sure they do (1)

brokeninside (34168) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043274)

For example, a spouse in the middle of a divorce may "friend" the lover of the other spouse in order to collect information helpful in the divorce proceedings.

Re:Sure they do (1)

Leon Buijs (545859) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043462)

Sure, but the article is about 'unfriending' and finding out why unfriended you and why. If the spouse didn't notice it's the new lover that is allowed as a 'friend', it's unlikely that this spouse will know who this person is. So if this new lover unfriends the spouse, not much will become clear.

Only works into the future. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042308)

This might be slightly useful if it could actually get the data out of Facebook itself. Instead it makes a copy of your friend list when you install it, then rechecks your friends in the future to see if any have disappeared.

Curiously.. (4, Interesting)

NuKe_MoNgOoSe (1941452) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042314)

There is a habit lots of people on Facebook have where they have a Gotta' Catch em All - Pokemon sorta mentality where they HAVE to have the largest number of friends possible. When I visit my facebook page I just add everyone who asks just because I dont care. I have close to 900 'friends' and the majority of them are people I will never associate with or have no association with they just added me through another friend. I dont really care who deletes me or adds me.. and I think its a sad commentary on somone who goes out of their way to search people who have removed them from their lists. Facebook is just getting ridiculous anyway I cant wait for it to burn out just like My Space.

Re:Curiously.. (2)

rudy_wayne (414635) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042390)

I think its a sad commentary on somone who goes out of their way to search people who have removed them from their lists.

Almost as sad as having a Facebook account.

Re:Curiously.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043174)

But not quite as sad as feeling the need to rip on people for using Facebook.

Re:Curiously.. (1)

markass530 (870112) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043624)

if you don't care why use it? if you do use it, you're (admittedly) making it worse by having a bunch of people as friends who you don't want. If someone sends me a friend request, and I don't think they'll make my time on facebook better, or I don't care to talk to them, I deny that shit quick. . every couple weeks I go through my friends list and delete people I think are cluttering shit up for me. Facebook won't burn out like myspace. If you can't figure out why, not worth explaining either. The simple answer is there was a better alternative for people to keep in touch easily. There is no such thing currently ala Facebook.

Re:Curiously.. (1)

NuKe_MoNgOoSe (1941452) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043742)

I agree with some of your comment. I do believe that Facebook will eventually burn out just like My Space did when, like you say, a better alternative came along. No one really thought anyone would dethrone My Space or AOL but they are just whispers now where once they were everything social media and the internet represented. Like I said though I originally created it for family and just added people as they came because I didnt care, much like I do not care who deletes me off their friends let alone want to seek out a application which makes finding out possible, That sort of anonymous action seems suitable rather than have to explain or justify to someone why? Who wants to explain to aunt June that you removed her because your tired of seeing her status about her heavy period, or having to block the whole Farmville army lol? I have a much easier medium to keep in contact with people than Facebook it is called pick up a damn phone or the novel idea of meeting someone for a coffee.

Re:Curiously.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35044572)

and I think its a sad commentary on somone who goes out of their way to search people who have removed them from their lists

Why?

TFA is evil (1)

pm_rat_poison (1295589) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042336)

Details about who doens't want to friend you and why should remain private. Then again that's true for most of the stuff posted on facebook but that's another story.

Re:TFA is evil (1)

Tim the Gecko (745081) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042478)

Details about who doens't want to friend you and why should remain private. Then again that's true for most of the stuff posted on facebook but that's another story.

You ask someone to be your friend. It's hard to see how you can not know if they said yes or no.

I have 21 FB friends. If this number should ever decrease I have this great technique ready, called "looking to see who isn't on the list any more". It is less nerdy than GreaseMonkey but equally effective. Why someone with 900 "friends" should even care about someone vanishing from the list is beyond me.

Re:TFA is evil (1)

AmberBlackCat (829689) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042614)

Lots of us at work (we work for the devil) are Facebook "mutual friends". But one friend talked about how a supervisor keeps doing friend requests no matter how many times she clicks "decline". I said to her, Facebook never tells you they declined the request. It just makes it look like you never did the friend request in the first place. So one could be convinced it was just a computer error, and try again. Especially if they're sure the request would be accepted. Her argument was a friend request wouldn't go wrong that many times and the supervisor should get the point. But nobody's going to tell the other woman to give it up.

At the same time, if you get dropped from a Friends list, nothing good will come out of a conversation between the dropper and the "droppee".

I suppose what would be even better than a notification of an "unfriending" would be a notification that the friend request was declined in the first place. Or at least make the "Add As Friend" button disappear after it's declined.

Re:TFA is evil (1)

BrokenHalo (565198) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043016)

"Facebook never tells you they declined the request."

A simple solution here would be to include a refusal field, allowing messages like "Fuck off you sleazy creep, how about you try hitting on someone else".

Re:TFA is evil (1)

sadtrev (61519) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043476)

Interestingly, Facebook doesn't seem to make unfriends too easy to find - they consider the greasmonkey script [userscripts.org] to be "abusive or spammy" and won't allow me to forward it to somebody within the fb message service.

Re:TFA is evil (1)

Rob the Bold (788862) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043000)

Details about who doens't want to friend you and why should remain private.

Do you mean that you shouldn't tell the rest of the world who "unfriended" you? I guess that's a good idea. But who's your friend isn't really a secret, they're not on your list. You may not remember who was and who you asked, but there's nothing really sneaky about noting who's there (and who left) every so often. I suppose it might be unhappy to dwell on it . . .

Re:TFA is evil (1)

pm_rat_poison (1295589) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043130)

it also deprives you of the ability to keep to yourself whether you "just don't use facebook that often" or you just don't wanna add another useless contact.

But that isn't what this app does (2)

brokeninside (34168) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043324)

The issue of who wants to friend you and why is not addressed by this application. What this application does is to provide information that is publicly available. That information consists of two elements: changes to your friends list and whether a friend request is still outstanding. Both of these pieces of information are available to the observant face book user. The app just makes it easier to notice.

Correlating these pieces of information to an explanation of why they happened isn't something the app actually does. One can conjecture that a post of "politican X is worse than Hitler" followed by friend Y defriending you means that Y likes politician X. But that is conjecture. The timing could have been coincidental.

Moreover, it could be that someone does want to friend you but thinks that for whatever reason it might not be expedient. After all, a relationship on Facebook is really only a name on an access control list. It doesn't really indicate whether one has a friendly relationship in real life. As an example, a professor may be good friends with undergraduate students but may feel that being "friends" on Facebook is inappropriate until such time as those students graduate.

So I don't see an "evil" here. Rather, I just see one more tool that can be used correctly or incorrectly, appropriately or inappropriately, for good or for evil.

Re:But that isn't what this app does (1)

pm_rat_poison (1295589) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043644)

I see your point and I agrree with the philosophy behind it. But in my post, "why" was a short way express "make a conjecture as to why based on that evidence alone"

I didn't think it was possible (2)

Jawnn (445279) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042340)

...but apparently there's something about Facebook I can care even less about.

This is bad news (1)

houghi (78078) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042364)

Because I might have offended some people whom I have never spoken to in 20 years, never bothered to look up and even then hardly knew and I have nothing in common with.Also they did not bother in the least to find me, except click on a button on facebook.

Hmmm (3, Funny)

jav1231 (539129) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042370)

I wonder if my wife has used this. 'Cuz I never really told her why.

Re:Hmmm (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042456)

Is this a real wife, or just one on facebook?

Guess..next on their list is... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042372)

who modded your Slashdot post!

Dear Hosni... (3, Funny)

GPLDAN (732269) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042416)

I don't like you any more. In fact, for the last 30 years, I found you kind of intolerable.

Signed,
The Egyptian People

Re:Dear Hosni... (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043736)

If I hadn't already posted to this thread, I'd mod you +Funny, +Insightful, and +Timely.

Who unfriended me?! (1)

hellop2 (1271166) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042464)

I don't have a tremendous amount of FB friends. ~100. But whenever someone unfriends me, I can NEVER, EVER tell who it was.

I figure well, they obviously didn't have that much impact on my life, so they probably won't be missed. But I've resorted to cut-n-pasting my list of friends over to a text file, so that I can figure out who it was when curiosity gets the better of me.

It seems a more economical solution to me than having a greasemonkey script constantly running in the background.

Yer all sissies. (1)

Securityemo (1407943) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042472)

And ah wouldn't put above any of ye to dress up and pretend to be a sociologist on the weekends! "Social Nettwerks"!? Persanahlly ah'v spent the last 45 years on the top of a stick in an air-filled cave on the bottom of a lake in the arse-end of nowhere! Young on's nowaydays like to brag about bei'n "emotionally attached" to their anime "wives" - pishposh. You try 'an manage the gossip and scandals inher'nt to an anime *harem*! It's not the milk-an-honey existence they make it out 'ta be lemmetellya! The last time I saw a live 'uman face was when a cave diver popped up in mah dwelli'n a few years ago - the bastard tried tah initiate a "conversachun", but ah resolutely gripped hold of mah "Frightenin' Axe" (which ah had strategically kept located safely in mah beard for purpouses and situations such as these) and bellowed out thae most feral WAAAAAAGH! mah poor manhandled lungs could manage! He must'vbeen pretty surprised, 'cause he just sort of made a surprisin'ly smooth backwards dive back intae the entry pool and I guess just continued tae swim outta there, bein' the last I saw of him.

But if an honest man tells people suchlike stories on the Internet these days, they won't believe him!

I've defriended many people... (1)

A. B3ttik (1344591) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042474)

...only for two reasons.

1) Their statuses were annoying. They were either constantly emo, pathetic "i have to work FML", or just retarded. I de-friended an aunt who always left stupid crazy statuses in all-caps, "OMG THEY WANT TO BAN RELIGION EVERYONE SIGN THIS NOW." type of stuff. Oh, she also played farmville constantly and clogged up my homescreen with stupid app messages.

2) I completely forgot who they were. Acquaintances from high school or people I met at one party one time who I could no longer even pick you out of a lineup. If I see a status from you on my homepage and I have no idea who you are, out you go.

Re:I've defriended many people... (1)

Relyx (52619) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042674)

As I suggested to another poster, just remove them from your news feed. Two clicks is all it takes. You can even move them to a different friend list with stronger privacy restrictions. It seems that many of the people complaining about Facebook just haven't kept up with the developments over the last four years.

Re:I've defriended many people... (1)

crtreece (59298) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042732)

You know you can block specific apps from posting to your news feed and/or wall, right?

It only took me a week or so of blocking all the farmville/horoscope/superpoke crap to get to the point where it wasn't a constant distraction.

Re:I've defriended many people... (1)

Rob the Bold (788862) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043088)

You know you can block specific apps from posting to your news feed and/or wall, right?

It only took me a week or so of blocking all the farmville/horoscope/superpoke crap to get to the point where it wasn't a constant distraction.

Some "friends" seem to be trying to outsmart me by finding new fishmobfarmgodland's every freakin' day. Where do they find the time? Oh, yeah, they're not on slashdot . . .

Re: Unfriending (2)

CrackedButter (646746) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042598)

I don't even understand the need to unfriend, I just remove them from my news feed. That way they can see my stuff, driving traffic to my blog. I use to delete people but now I don't.

Re: Unfriending (1)

Relyx (52619) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042690)

Basically some people just haven't bothered to learn Facebook properly. As you point out it's just a few clicks in your main newsfeed. I really question the world many Slashdotters appear to live in...

Re: Unfriending (1)

CrackedButter (646746) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042766)

It's actually easier to remove someone from the newsfeed than it is to unfriend them. Never mind ignoring the fact that people you're cutting off your own oxygen by unfriending people from seeing content you create. Make them believe they are your friend or make them delete you. My methods saves me a ton of hassle.

Re: Unfriending (1)

omglolbah (731566) | more than 3 years ago | (#35042924)

That depends a lot on your use of facebook.

My account has only people I want seeing my personal stuff. I am fully aware that the "security" of facebook privacy etc is bunk but it does give me a place to have day-to-day drivel without having to deal with the trolling asshats on most blogging sites.

I make my money building control systems for oil rigs and find it challenging and interesting. I have no need to drive traffic to my blog :p

No more facebook (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042726)

I removed my facebook profile last week. And as I expected, no one cared or have reacted and my life is the same as always. It is painfylly clear to me now, how much a waste of time it was.

Re:No more facebook (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35044156)

I noticed, AC, and I miss your posts.

Twitter? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35042898)

What's Twitter???

fickle friends (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35043202)

It's not that we don't like you, we're just fickle.

Strange concept of friendship (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043328)

Friends are people with whom you have some level of trust and an ongoing relationship. They are the sort of people who will tell you if you've done something that they consider objectionable rather then just deleting you from a list or posting dirt about you online. If you think that someone is a friend just because they include you on a list, you need to do some serious work on developing social skills.

That said, friends come and go. I've had friends in the past that, due to distance, changes in social circles, or life goals, , I haven't kept up with. I never had to go through a process to 'de-friend' them on a list. I just don't deal with them anymore. At some point, I might delete them from my phone/e-mail contacts list (usually when its getting full). That's not a signal that they (or I) did anything wrong, so the idea that they'd receive a message is somewhat disturbing.

Re:Strange concept of friendship (1)

turbotroll (1378271) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044322)

That said, friends come and go.

Well, in my opinion and to the contrary, real friends are those who never go, regardless of what happens.

That's why only 7 people I know I consider as friends. And no, I'm not a misanthrope who lives on a deserted island. A friend is a person who will seriously give a fuck if I die, who will help my parents if their house burns down, who will travel across the world just to see me and have a couple of beers with me. For this reason I don't need a retarded site with an RSS feed to manage my 7 friends.

If you really happen to know 200-1000 such people, they you are really rich indeed.

The only one I noticed thus far..(before this scri (1)

markass530 (870112) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043542)

Chick I went to high school with, now Mormon. She had some status update about Jesus, referencing him as a man I believe. I just showed her some of my history of world religions chops (recent class I had) and compared and contrasted different religions views on hey sues, and whether he was viewed as a man or a god. . Made it a little humorous. BAM, unfriended. turns out Mormons don't have a sense of humor. .

so far 2 people (1)

josepha48 (13953) | more than 3 years ago | (#35043804)

One because we had a difference of opinion on another tax that did not pass ( I was against and he was for it). One because I don't know why, he thought I deleted him, but he deleted me.

The result. Whatever dude!

First don't friend everyone that comes along just because they said hi at a bar or wherever or you knew they from way back. People change! So friend people who are only your friends. If you have 1000 friends, they are not your friends, they are fans or acquaintances. Second, setup groups of people and put friends in a friend group, and acquaintances in a different group and family in another group. Then when you post stuff you can determine who sees what on facebook. You can also setup groups like close friends, distant friends, old friends, acquaintances, family, distant family, relatives that I never met but my mom says they know me, predators, and so on.

slashdot has the coolist peeps (1)

Nyder (754090) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044432)

Man,most the high rated posts are post on how cool we are because we don't care.

Yet everyone one of them people who "dont' care" have a facebook account. So you must care some, to have the account, right?

Ha, just messing with ya. I have an account, and I don't care about it either.

Friend me, unfriend me. foe me, like me. poke me, sex me up. It's all cool. I don't care about you, nor will I. Mainly if we sex it up. thanks!

Off the X-Mas card list (1)

ProfM (91314) | more than 3 years ago | (#35044750)

Using this I saw a couple of family members that have yet to accept my friend invite. Guess I can remove them from my Christmas card list.

(actually, I know they're not computer savvy, I'm guessing they haven't logged back in for a while)

Or just use n.ervo.us... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35044868)

n.ervo.us is an app on Facebook that actually tells who deleted/blocked you or if they deleted their account and this actually works.

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