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LHC, CERN Has Found the Hugs Boson

Soulskill posted more than 3 years ago | from the you-lose-again-fermilab dept.

Science 86

An anonymous reader writes "In a ground-breaking announcement issued today, , the European Organization of Nuclear Research (which hosts the enormous and Large Hadron Collider) has announced the discovery of the hugs boson, an unexpected gauge boson which was not by the Standard Model. Unexpectedly, the discovery was made by a high-school during his scholarship. Due to his , it is not clear whether he can be awarded the Nobel Prize. However, his teacher has generously agreed to be awarded in his name, in case of any ."

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86 comments

Awwwwww (3, Funny)

suso (153703) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690174)

I don't know about you, but I love this new particle. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Re:Awwwwww (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690198)

Eww. Something warm and fuzzy inside...

Re:Awwwwww (3, Funny)

BJ_Covert_Action (1499847) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690210)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

That's because it is small enough to penetrate your skin, and it is currently opening a microscopic blackhole in your liver.

Re:Awwwwww (2)

Kosi (589267) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690574)

Finally, a place to deposit all the ethanol, amphetamine, heroin or whatever is your drug of choice! Go, Hugs boson!

Re:Awwwwww (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690216)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So does plutonium.

Re:Awwwwww (2)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690382)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

What you have there is [[Blackbody Radiation][Acid Reflux][Cowboy Neil]].

Re:Awwwwww (2)

WhitetailKitten (866108) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690746)

Friendship is magic.

Re:Awwwwww (2)

Sulphur (1548251) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691284)

I don't know about you, but I love this new particle. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Classic symptoms of Hugs Boson poisoning.

Personally I preferred... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35692438)

Personally I preferred it when they discovered the Higg's Bozo [blogspot.com]

This is just so not funny :( (1)

tkprit (8581) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690186)

hatin on AF, pardon :)

There's really no point... (3, Informative)

Frosty Piss (770223) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690196)

...in reading Slashdot today.

Re:There's really no point... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690220)

Wrong again Mr. Piss. As usual your attempt to quash the fun of people who actually have a sense of humor fails. Perhaps you could become an archaeologist and search for your petrified funny bone?

Re:There's really no point... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690278)

It would be one thing if these supposed "jokes" were funny. Unfortunately, they are not. One has to question your sense of humor that you find even the stupidest of "jokes" to be funny. Let me guess, you roll over laughing at a guy getting kicked in the nuts, right?

Re:There's really no point... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690294)

seeing anonymous coward #1 kicked in the nuts would make me laugh!!!

Re:There's really no point... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690436)

We're finding your wallowing in humorless self-importance to be pretty amusing.

Re:There's really no point... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690506)

To be fair, that's pretty funny sometimes too.

Re:There's really no point... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690550)

How could you not find the Hugs Boson funny? Mr. Humorless Coward! Come on, that is funny. I hear the smartest folks usually do like word play humor so that must be me. Seeing some guy kicked in the nuts? Not so funny. Well, it could be if the setup was good enough and they made sure they did enough character development to show the audience that the guy was a royal jerk. Then seeing him kicked in the nuts would be funny. Without that, not so much. But yeah, puns, twisting word meanings, etc. - hella funny. If you actually RTFA they go into how the "Top Quark" gets lots of hugs, but the Strange Quark doesn't. Oh, and the Charm Quark is quite the Hugs'er...

Re:There's really no point... (1)

david_thornley (598059) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690674)

The jokes are often funny. The question is whether the /. summaries are.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

bonch (38532) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690724)

There's actually a lot of legitimate tech news happening today. For instance, there's a scareware trojan going around that's apparently infected at least half a million machines using the classic SQL injection trick. Also, where is Slashdot's story about Google's stricter controls over Android? Doesn't anyone care that they're now withholding the source to Honeycomb and making licensees sign "non-fragmentation clauses" that give Google final approval over source changes? It's the hot topic of discussion right now, but you wouldn't know it if Slashdot was your tech news source.

Re:There's really no point... (2)

M8e (1008767) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690224)

What?
This is the only day of the year that /. have new news!

Re:There's really no point... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690384)

Because you have lost all sense of humor? I'm truly sorry.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690416)

No, because one joke is okay but every single article today seems to be fake. I agree with #1, this is annoying. I smiled at the first joke, now I want actual news. There's tons of humor websites if I want nothing but jokes.

Re:There's really no point... (2)

sznupi (719324) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690634)

Maybe the reason some of us are not laughing anymore is because we have a sense of humor.

Re:There's really no point... (2)

easyTree (1042254) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690420)

Re:There's really no point......in reading Slashdot today.

It's only one day. Digg-readers have to put up with this shit for the rest of the year.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

sznupi (719324) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690614)

Sometimes I slightly hope for the joke of such fairly big site without "jokes" on 1IV... maybe one year, maybe I'll live long enough.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690758)

I think it'd be a pretty good joke if for April 1st, The Onion only had accurate, serious coverage of real stories.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

sznupi (719324) | more than 3 years ago | (#35692598)

Might have so-so of an effect - the tragedy of Onion is how often their stories turn out to be more accurate (in a way) in the long run, etc.

Re:There's really no point... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690446)

I've read it on April Fools every single year for the last decade just to reply to the grouches. ;) RELAX A LITTLE.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

ninjacheeseburger (1330559) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690466)

Same reliable news as usual...

Re:There's really no point... (2)

Opie812 (582663) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690496)

no kidding. April Fools day is the worst day for slashdot. One or two articles might be funny, but for a whole day? How am I to pass the time at work?

But you are anyway. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690560)

Then don't.

Re:There's really no point... (1)

MacAnkka (1172589) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690662)

Isn't that true even on normal days?

Re:There's really no point... (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691116)

There's really no point... ...in reading Slashdot today.

Derr. Cos, you know, Slashdot spends every April 1st at the height of it's journalistic value.

April Fools (1)

dakkon1024 (691790) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690208)

I'm waiting for the April Fools...

Re:April Fools (1)

Pieroxy (222434) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690296)

I'm waiting for the April Fools...

It looks like you're already there.

They found the Huge Bosom, eh? (2)

countertrolling (1585477) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690222)

How much does it weigh?

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690258)

An average bison might weigh 2000 pounds, so I'd imagine a Huge Bison would weigh at least double that.

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (5, Funny)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690286)

What about a Dyson Bison, a spherical-shell-shaped bison with a star in the center?

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (2)

Hazel Bergeron (2015538) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690292)

I haven't giggled at /. in ages, but "Dyson Bison" did it for me. I love you.

Also, QOTD:

We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them. -- Thucydides

I guess doing them is one way.

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (1)

SnarfQuest (469614) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690594)

For now, all we have is a Nivin Bison, a bison ring around a star, which has been infested by Microsoft drones, so it isn't safe to go there any more.

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690956)

where do they put the horns?

Re:They found the Huge Bison, eh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691578)

a Dyson Bison, a spherical-shell-shaped bison

But is it frictionless?

well i already dont like this (1, Flamebait)

nopainogain (1091795) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690226)

the editing feature turning what i once enjoyed as a reputable information source into something of juvenile amusement.

Re:well i already dont like this (1)

Pieroxy (222434) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690302)

What exactly did you enjoy "as a reputable information source"? Slashdot?

Re:well i already dont like this (1)

Culture20 (968837) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690418)

the editing feature turning what i once enjoyed as a reputable information source into something of juvenile amusement.

Next you'll say that "OMG Ponies!" [slashdot.org] wasn't the groundbreaking UI design that we all know it was.

Plagiarism. (2, Funny)

leaen (987954) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690232)

He just copied result of 12-year old which predicted boson when he corrected Einsten`s theory of relativity

RSS feed (4, Informative)

q-the-impaler (708563) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690234)

These summaries are much more informative when read via RSS

An anonymous reader writes "In a ground-breaking announcement issued today, CERN NASA PETA NAMBLA , the European Organization of Nuclear Research (which hosts the enormous and magnificent glorious orgasmic catastrophic Large Hadron Collider) has announced the discovery of the hugs boson, an unexpected gauge boson which was not predicted prognosticated invented baked by the Standard Model. Unexpectedly, the discovery was made by a high-school mascot student teacher gymnasium during his scholarship. Due to his Tourette's age face breath , it is not clear whether he can be awarded the Nobel Prize. However, his teacher has generously agreed to be awarded in his name, in case of any problems reprisals assassins aliens ."

Re:RSS feed (1)

Pieroxy (222434) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690312)

Actually, this version made me laugh! Only on RSS feeds to you get down to the guts of the real April's fool.

Link in summary ... (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690236)

... is NOT Goatse!

Or is it???

April Fools... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690238)

Where attempts to be witty turn out shitty.

Re:April Fools... (1)

edumacator (910819) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690284)

April Fools....

When people with no sense of humor show their true colors. As if reading these stories causes any kind of problem.

Does Slashdot pay attention to reader metrics? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690240)

There might be a few less readers after today. Just saying.

Bravo (1)

kehren77 (814078) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690242)

Okay this one was close enough to a real headline to make me forget it was April 1st and click on the story.

Damn you /. for making me think we'd made a real scientific breakthrough.

Re:Bravo (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690350)

Heh, me too; for a split second I forgot...

THESE JOKES FUCKING SUCK (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690254)

Get over yourself, slashdot.

The Hugs Boson Is How Hadrons Get Their Mass (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690262)

It can be embarrassing at times.

I liked (1)

TheDarkMaster (1292526) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690268)

The CERN article is very, very funny

Indeed. There's only one problem (1)

Kupfernigk (1190345) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690654)

Who will ever trust a CERN press release again? Because some of the stuff that is going on nowadays seems to be about as plausible.

Reading Scientific American this month, I realised for the first time that the diameter of the Universe at the end of the proposed inflationary period was about 15mm. If someone put that in an April Fool, how many people would believe it, either way? "Early Universe expanded faster than the speed of light to the size of a grape".

They missed out (4, Funny)

pangu (322010) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690272)

Hugs Bosom.

Re:They missed out (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690348)

Hugs Bison.

Re:They missed out (2)

fightinfilipino (1449273) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690952)

Hugs Bosom.

nah, scientists are unlikely to find THAT particle...

chosen ones, holycosters, hitting huge bottom (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690288)

new bible? offers for delays & modifications to our 'reward' have been met with less than enthusiastic responses from the flock, & the unproven sacrificial sheeps

NO hugging (5, Funny)

Roduku (950552) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690334)

If anything coming out of the LHC tries to hug me, I still have my crowbar.

Re:NO hugging (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690548)

Hugs always have unforeseen consequences

Goddamnit (1)

floppypond (925229) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690346)

I just about shat my pants when I read the headline, before I realized that 'higgs' was 'hugs' and it's the internet's most celebrated holiday.

Re:Shat (1)

TaoPhoenix (980487) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690392)

What was William Shatner's reaction?

Re:Shat (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690410)

We're still.. WAITING.. for him to... complete.. his sentence.

Re:Shat (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690486)

But.
He.
Doesn't.
Talk.
Like.
Every.
Word.
Is.
A.
Sentence.

Shrugs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690396)

...move on!

HAY!!!!1!1!1! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690404)

WHY CAN"T I CHOOSE THE FIRST WORD IN THE DROPDOWN LIST? TYPICAL BORKEN SLASHDOT FAILURE

don't use so many caps, it's like poo
don't use so many caps, it's like poo
don't use so many caps it's like poo

Enthusiastic responses (1)

amazeofdeath (1102843) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690422)

Klaus Fuchs and Vladimir Fock welcome the news, though they still hope a deeper penetration into the data.

Alien assasins! (1)

JAlexoi (1085785) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690474)

However, his teacher has generously agreed to be awarded in his name, in case of any alien assassins.

What alien assassins want from an ordinary Tourettes suffering school mascot?

I wonder... (1)

tool462 (677306) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690564)

Is it a reflection of the generally crappy editing in Slashdot headlines or my excessive gullibility that my heart skipped a beat in excitement as I read "Hugs Boson"?

I'm hoping it's the former, because I could really use a Hugs Boson today...

Slashdot April fools is lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690684)

It is funny to try to sneak one article in. That would be "cute" and everyone would go about their day. Most of us have slashdot in an rss just for news in tech - why waste a day of not posting anything? Besides the joke articles are lame.

Re:Slashdot April fools is lame (1)

Disstress (928999) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690838)

It is funny to try to sneak one article in. That would be "cute" and everyone would go about their day. Most of us have slashdot in an rss just for news in tech - why waste a day of not posting anything? Besides the joke articles are lame.

If you read /. for tech news you are about a week or two behind the world.

Do I have to solve them all? (1)

kyrio (1091003) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690696)

Is that how it works this year?

Deviant behavior in physics (1)

Tisha_AH (600987) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690950)

It used to be that deviant behavior in physics involved "dirty dicking the 0-1 rod".

When I collide my large hardon... (1)

slimjim8094 (941042) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690960)

When I collide my large hardon I sometimes get bosom hugs too.

Oh.... hadron...
I like mine better.

Re:When I collide my large hardon... (1)

kvvbassboy (2010962) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691060)

Damn it. You sir, made my day. =D Mod parent up.

Mark off one day... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691088)

...that is as close as Cern will come to admitting uselessness.

Am I the only one (1)

polaris20 (893532) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691112)

who doesn't find April's Day joke articles all that funny anymore? They remind me of the Super Bowl ads......formerly funny, now just tired. The Thinkgeek.com fake products are good today. I totally want the Angry Birds pork rinds.

RSS feeds are at least colourful (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691140)

An anonymous reader writes "In a ground-breaking announcement issued today, CERN
NASA PETA NAMBLA , the European Organization of Nuclear Research (which hosts
the enormous and magnificent glorious orgasmic catastrophic Large Hadron
Collider) has announced the discovery of the hugs boson, an unexpected gauge
boson which was not predicted prognosticated invented baked by the Standard
Model. Unexpectedly, the discovery was made by a high-school mascot student
teacher gymnasium during his scholarship. Due to his Tourette's age face breath
, it is not clear whether he can be awarded the Nobel Prize. However, his
teacher has generously agreed to be awarded in his name, in case of any problems
reprisals assassins aliens ."

but somewhat repetitive. CERN NASA PETA NAMBLA got to be one of the most ambitious organizations on the planet.

shit I'm gullible. (1)

Chewbacon (797801) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691216)

I saw boson in my RSS feed and got excited.

Re:shit I'm gullible. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35692750)

I saw boson in my RSS feed and got excited.

-spoiler alert-

I was thinking there was something off about "beauty quarks" but then again, this is on the CERN website.....if anyone would know, it would be them, not me. HAH! My favourite April Fools of the year, subtle, plausible....

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