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Oracle's Ellison Accused of Running Executive Fighting Ring

Soulskill posted more than 3 years ago | from the my-money's-on-ballmer-if-he-can-wield-chairs dept.

Businesses 56

Mr. Shotgun writes "SEC claim to have broken up an underground fighting ring in which participants . To add insult to injury, the victors then brokered business deals that skirted US securities law and deprived the losers of valuable . The mastermind behind the Silicon Valley fight club is alleged to be eccentric billionaire and Oracle CEO ."

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I would watch that (4, Funny)

Stenchwarrior (1335051) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690430)

I would so pay to watch Silicon Valley geeks kick each others' asses. They could easily get their own network.

Re:I would watch that (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690444)

If Larry had actually set up this thing, it would be the first good thing he has ever done. I'd pay to watch him do the "iron man" against all comers. (I don't know if people still call it this, but back in High School when I wrestled they would set up some of our training practices as "iron man" where you had to wrestle 5 people in a row for 1 minute each, then you went to the end of the line and another person was "iron man" for 5 minutes. After doing this for 20 minutes you were dead tired!). I'd love to see everyone get to bash Larry.

Re:I would watch that (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690488)

Larry Ellison IS Iron Main. It wouldn't be a fair match, he'd just put on his flying metal suit and pummel everyone.

Re:I would watch that (1)

Jeff DeMaagd (2015) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690572)

What is Iron Main? I kid. The personality for Tony Stark in the Iron Man movies is supposedly based on Elon Musk, that's what the disc extras say anyway.

Re:I would watch that (1)

wisty (1335733) | more than 3 years ago | (#35692456)

Isn't he also the bad guy (or dummy bad guy) from Charlie's Angles 2. Also, a minor villain from Angel (War Zone, Lenny Edwards?) seems to be based on him.

Of course, Larry is just a Russian accent, hairless cat and giant laser away from being a parody of a Bond villian.

Re:I would watch that (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690626)

That was the end of my wrestling career.

I was a good wrestler during my freshman year of high school. Then we moved to a new school district. I was hurt and could not wrestle my sophomore year. The new wrestling coach did the iron man training too, but he made everyone practice in the nude.

Needless to say, I did not go out for wrestling my junior or senior year.

Re:I would watch that (2)

Tobenisstinky (853306) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690470)

My money's on Monkey Boy!

Re:I would watch that (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691208)

If you squint, he even sort of looks like Blanka from Street Fighter. Yeah, I'd put my money on him.

Re:I would watch that (1)

thatskinnyguy (1129515) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690538)

Why would CEO GE Toaster do such a thing?!

Re:I would watch that (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690686)

I thought there was already a show for that:

BattleBots.

Re:I would watch that (2)

Darinbob (1142669) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690708)

This fight brought to you by... Torgo's Executive Powder!

I AM TURDULUS (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690434)

I am the lord of turd posts.

Re:I AM TURDULUS (1)

proverbialcow (177020) | more than 3 years ago | (#35691004)

Wow, FYAD on /. - the implications are horrifying.

Slashdot employs professional proofreader (4, Funny)

Hazel Bergeron (2015538) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690438)

Launched in 1996, technology-related news web site Slashdot has been sloshing around the Intertubes for almost 17 years, attracting a wide share of geeks and their mothers when they walk into the basement and glance at the screen. But, as this paragraph shows, summaries have been rife with trivial factual, spelling and grammatical errors. After a three month consultation with users completed by impartial research group IDG, Slashdot's parent company have decided to take the giant leap of employing a single, full-time proofreader for all article submissions. This proofreader, who will start his work about 10 minutes from now, will be charged with ensuring that every T is dotted and every I crossed. Apostrophe's will be correctly placed, giving a better reader experience then ever before. UNIX and MAC users will be united in common enjoyment of queen's American English. The proofreader will also be responsible for dupe and repetition control. Which begs the question: how can we make Slashdot aeven better?

"better reader experience then ever before" (1)

chuckugly (2030942) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690566)

Than, then, whatever ...

Re:"better reader experience then ever before" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690602)

That was the joke, retard.

Re:"better reader experience then ever before" (1)

greeze (985712) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690816)

Whoosh!

Re:"better reader experience then ever before" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691344)

Who-fucking-osh.

Re:Slashdot employs professional proofreader (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35693088)

. Which begs the question: how can we make Slashdot aeven better?

By simply having their pay-checks automatically go to his nefarious greedyness himself, Steve Jobs, bank account.

Enough. (-1, Redundant)

6Yankee (597075) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690450)

I have mod points but sadly I can't mod the article into oblivion. It's April Fool's Day, we get it already.

Re:Enough. (1)

Allicorn (175921) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690478)

I agree. And when's this new Pony-based look & feel ever going to be finished. I've been waiting bloody years!

Re:Enough. (2)

Saffire (2031664) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690520)

Lighten up. I happen to enjoy reading these articles. If you don't like them why don't you just come back tomorrow?

Re:Enough. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690590)

Lighten up. I happen to enjoy reading these articles. If you don't like them why don't you just come back tomorrow?

Because if he wasn't wasting time on Slashdot, he might actually have to do real work.

Mod points on April Fools (1)

ackthpt (218170) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690558)

Why not make mods, all, add the absolute value of points, so modding down moves even the rotten up? They should all be for fun and not count anyway.

Re:Enough. (1)

Mr. Shotgun (832121) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690568)

Sorry, I tried to tag the submission AprilFools when I submitted it so people could feel free to ignore the article. Yet for some reason the tag was gone when it made the main page.

I know not everyone enjoys the silliness that is April Fools and realize it must be exhausting to be inundated with mile after mile of random nonsense. Yet I got a bit of a chuckle out of this nonsense story, imagining Ellison as a back ally bookie. So I figured I would share it with others. Sorry it ruined your whole day, but it's almost over.

Re:Enough. (1)

Jeff DeMaagd (2015) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690586)

I agree. Slashdot's April Fools tradition gets a bit old. This one falls apart badly too, it could have been so much better without the sci-fi references.

Re:Enough. (1)

FatLittleMonkey (1341387) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690930)

Whereas I'm sick of people bitching about every single fucking April Fool's Day story. You don't like them, we get it already. It's one day. Log off. Go outside.

The first rule of Oracle: (2)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690454)

You DON'T talk about Oracle!

First Rule... (2)

nschubach (922175) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690456)

The first rule of Ellison's Fight Club is you don't talk about Ellison's Fight Club.

No, no, no .... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690786)

the first trigger of ELLISONS_FIGHT_CLUB is:

SELECT nothing INTO ELLISONS_FIGHT_CLUB.TALK FROM discussion WHERE TALK is NULL;

OMG, a wet dream come true... (1)

Super Dave Osbourne (688888) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690458)

I would love to see that happen. Tech 'gurus' against cartoon channel execs.

How it would play out (2)

ackthpt (218170) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690552)

I would love to see that happen. Tech 'gurus' against cartoon channel execs.

Wet noodles at 10 paces.

Stop (+1) (5, Insightful)

slshwtw (1903272) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690462)

Excuse me while I mine +1 insightful mods by complaining about how much this site sucks on April Fools each year.

Re:Stop (+1) (1)

Scott Scott (1531645) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690476)

Quick, everyone mod up the above poster as anything but insightful. =P

Re:Stop (+1) (-1, Troll)

Mojofreem (556489) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690540)

Seriously. This crap is just a complete waste of bandwidth. Do we really need an entire day full of this inanity? How about 1 or 2 postings, and call it a day.

Been done before (1)

proverbialcow (177020) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690472)

So...the /. eds are finally reading "Ambient" by Jack Womack?

Eh... (1)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690484)

An underground fight club is the sort of thing that Broadcom's Henry Nicholas would have been a much more plausible pick for.

Sure, you barely count as a CEO these days if you don't have the SEC on your back; but not everyone mixes wild parties, hard drugs, doping clients, and building a secret sex dungeon under his house while his wife is on vacation, with run of the mill options backdating...

I have another headline for you ./ (0)

AlfaMike (1902786) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690516)

Slashdot tries to turn April's Fool into Torture-Your-Readers day. Oh God. Make it stop!

Re:I have another headline for you ./ (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690532)

Slashdot tries to turn April's Fool into Torture-Your-Readers day.

Oh God. Make it stop!

Funny, I thought the editors were doing a better job than normal.

Annoyed (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690518)

Okay... I am officially annoyed by Slashdot and all the April Fools articles.

We're all doomed! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690526)

Oracle has been hiring oveseas!

Why buy Oracle when you can get direct! Buy Indian!! Oracle, like IBM, just re-packages Indian Software as their own.

Buy Indian, cut out the fat cat American businessman! SAVE $$$$$!

Took about long enough. (1)

Steauengeglase (512315) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690530)

Finally, an April Fools day story that I honestly had to think twice about.

Re:Took about long enough. (2)

ackthpt (218170) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690596)

Finally, an April Fools day story that I honestly had to think twice about.

The true art of successful April Fools gags is that they have a high degree of believability to them - e.g. Your shoe is untied (assuming you are wearing shoes and they have laces)

Claiming that NASA have found traces of Green Cheese on the moon would only fool the extremely naive.

Claiming Larry Ellison is bare-knuckling it with other tech people would be quite a stretch.

Claiming Larry Ellison has made a move to buy out Apple would have people reading on and possibly some foolish people running out to buy Apple stock or sell Oracle stock and therefore would be more effective.

+1 (in the slashdot sense, not the google sense) (1)

circletimessquare (444983) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690534)

my favorite fake slashdot story all day

Re:+1 (in the slashdot sense, not the google sense (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690638)

my favorite fake slashdot story all day

The downside is you'll have to wait for more fake slashdot stories until April 2.

oracles adrians eugenatics, chosen ones counters (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690584)

previous math discardead; 1+1 extrapolated (Score:mynutswon; no such thing as one too many here)

deepends on how you interpret it. georgia stone freemason holycoster royals' 'math'; the
variables & totals are objective oriented; oranges: 1+1= not enough,
somebody's gotta die. people; 1+1=2, until you get to .5 billion, then
1+1=2 too many, or, unless, & this is what always happens, they breed
uncontrolled, naturally (like monkeys), then, 1+1=could easily result in
millions of non-approved, hoardsplitting spawn. see the dilemma? can
'math', or man'kind' stand even one more League of Smelly Infants being
born?

First Indian Wells, then Fight Club, Larry is cool (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690630)

First he bought the Indian Wells master 1000 (go federer today against nadal! in the sony ericcson), then the Fight cLub, this men is a cool guy.

I want to be your friend Larry, and some of your money too

JM Jones, Argentina

First rule of geek fight club.... (2)

lindoran (1190189) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690672)

don't talk to the SEC about Geek Fight Club.

Is anybody out there? (1)

kyrio (1091003) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690706)

Hello?

STUPID SLASHDOT (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690752)

God, I fucking HATE this site on April 1st. Absolutely useless for a whole fucking day!

Ellison is affraid of Chuck Norris (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35690894)

Everybody is. But he's not a CEO.
That's the catch.

Former Sun employees (1)

Tisha_AH (600987) | more than 3 years ago | (#35690958)

They ran out of Sun employees who were used for bear baiting.

Re:Former Sun employees (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691994)

My sincere condolences.

This is a great idea (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691224)

I would have given anything to get into a steel cage with any of Oracle's upper management, winner takes over the organisation. It would be a healthy outlet for all the anger their idiotic edicts generate, and would probably result in more successful companies as well. The "promotion goes to the best brawler" system would be at least as effective as the current system in which promotions go to the biggest brownnosers and/or least threatening. This story should be real!

Oracle (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#35691954)

My money is on Larry. Go Iron Man Go!
-kgg

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