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Police Vulture Training Not a Success

samzenpus posted more than 3 years ago | from the didn't-have-the-stomach-for-it dept.

Crime 65

rbrausse writes "Some time ago Slashdot covered the German police vulture training scheme; now it is time for a follow-up. BBC reports that the project has failed to take off. The trained vulture hasn't shown interest in working as a detective and confuses human with animal remains. Additionally the bird is shy and prefers to travel by foot."

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...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

Senes (928228) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630440)

Glad to know that if I'm assaulted and left at the very edge of my life in Germany, there will be trained police vultures to come finish me off so they can begin devouring my flesh.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

amanicdroid (1822516) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630652)

You definitely didn't RTFA or RTFSummary. What makes me curious is how you knew it was Germany if you didn't even make it all the way through RTFHeadline.

My guess is it happened like this:
Commenter reads "Police Vulture Training", scans down noticing Germany is mentioned, & quickly comments with the first thing that came to mind with no concern for relevance to the article.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36630976)

My guess is it happened like this:
Commenter reads...

Not a Success is the missing piece you needed to follow the train of thought. You know, from the headline.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

hawguy (1600213) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630984)

You definitely didn't RTFA or RTFSummary. What makes me curious is how you knew it was Germany if you didn't even make it all the way through RTFHeadline.

My guess is it happened like this:

Commenter reads "Police Vulture Training", scans down noticing Germany is mentioned, & quickly comments with the first thing that came to mind with no concern for relevance to the article.

I read the article and the previous poster had a reasonable reaction. Obviously he was exaggerating about the vultures finishing him off, but hey, vultures are carrion eaters, so it's not unreasonable to think that after they go through all of the trouble to locate a dead body that they'll stop in and have a bite to eat to reward themselves for a job well-done.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

obarthelemy (160321) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631726)

You mean, like all search and rescue dogs first eat you, then report finding you ?

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

hawguy (1600213) | more than 3 years ago | (#36633456)

You mean, like all search and rescue dogs first eat you, then report finding you ?

Since drug-sniffing dogs have been known to ingest the drugs they are searching for, it doesn't seem impossible that an unattended cadaver dog would take a nibble at his catch. Dogs are scavengers, and while dead rotten meat isn't their preferred diet, they will sometimes eat carrion.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

Cwix (1671282) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631718)

Actually his comment seems more relevant then your trollish comment.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

Rakarra (112805) | more than 3 years ago | (#36636830)

Actually his comment seems more relevant then your trollish comment.

His comment shows that the only things he knows about vultures come from really shitty movies and comic books.

A turkey vulture will no more "finish you off" than you would fly up a thermal.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

martin-boundary (547041) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630696)

Don't worry. Vultures are carrion eaters. They won't touch your naughty bits until you're actually dead. It's something about how they smell, apparently.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36632410)

Unless its a zombie vulture.

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

rbrausse (1319883) | more than 3 years ago | (#36633520)

hmm, are "brains" a subset of "naughty bits"?

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1)

Tickety-boo (1206428) | more than 3 years ago | (#36632636)

It's something about how they smell

The vultures or the naughty bits?

Re:...and they were trying to accomplish WHAT now? (1, Flamebait)

syousef (465911) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630794)

They were trying to prove that there are in fact creatures that are stupider, lazier, dirtier, more opportunistic and definitely willing to strike when a man is down than police.

Wrong animal (2)

AliasMarlowe (1042386) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631420)

They were trying to prove that there are in fact creatures that are stupider, lazier, dirtier, more opportunistic and definitely willing to strike when a man is down than police.

They should have tried lawyers, then.
Vultures are minor league in comparison.

premature (1)

tloh (451585) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630464)

too bad. Have they given any thoughts to breeding for rather than training for the correct qualities in the target? With a little patience, amazing results can be achieved in a relatively short time. A Russian experiment showed that in as little as 50 years, wild foxes can be selectively breed to be as friendly as puppies.

Re:premature (2)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630494)

fifty years, eh? that's nice, but as former employee of government owned facility, I can assure you that funding for projects is usually given to those that will finish before the funders and fundees are of retirement age or pushing up the daisies.

Re:premature (3, Insightful)

aix tom (902140) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631312)

That's the problem these days.

If humans had ever thought that way, we'd still be living in caves. Very few people who ever started something like a cathedral ever saw it finished.

Re:premature (1)

N0Man74 (1620447) | more than 3 years ago | (#36632546)

That's the problem these days.

If humans had ever thought that way, we'd still be living in caves. Very few people who ever started something like a cathedral ever saw it finished.

I absolutely agree, however it should be pointed out that cathedral makers also didn't have to worry about keeping their shareholders happy and quarterly profit reports.

Re:premature (1)

rbrausse (1319883) | more than 3 years ago | (#36632624)

the tithe was a dead serious business; don't underestimate the creativity of medievals generating profit out of nothing

Re:premature (1)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36637602)

or more to the point, creativity in creating a system of brainwashing for profit and power that went on to maim, murder, molest tens of millions over the centuries. I'd say Hitler would be proud, but then he also was devout member.

Re:premature (1)

michiko (2270072) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630744)

well i think police have to leave the vulture training and get the new bird.. who can fly !!! I E :- http://a.ly/5a [a.ly] :p

Re:premature (1)

xeon13 (2268514) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630754)

hehehehe.. i think diss is better than vulture..

Re:premature (1)

kakarote (2294232) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630764)

ow.!!! plz .. vulture training isn't a joke apart.

Re: a.ly/5a (1)

essayservices (2242884) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630774)

hey this is good .. people should use this may they need it in future.

Re:premature (1)

aiht (1017790) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631052)

Wow... cluster spam?

"Failed to take off" (5, Funny)

Hsien-Ko (1090623) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630474)

I've never seen a pun so logical with the problem like this.

Re:"Failed to take off" (1)

syousef (465911) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630796)

I've never seen a pun so logical with the problem like this.

You would have preferred "Failure to lunch"?

Re:"Failed to take off" (1)

lexsird (1208192) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631644)

Indeed, the project was a "dead end". And the Mayor has a "bone to pick" over this. The buzzards failed to "make their bones", turning the project into "road kill".

The lactose intolerant should know to stay away from cheesy article titles such as these.

Re:"Failed to take off" (1)

ArsonSmith (13997) | more than 3 years ago | (#36633892)

how long are you going to carrion like this?

Re:"Failed to take off" (1)

bar-agent (698856) | more than 3 years ago | (#36634946)

The whole debacle was definitely not a feather in anyone's cap.

What do you expect from a Contractor? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36630476)

What union does the bird belong to?

Re:What do you expect from a Contractor? (1)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630506)

The International Buzzardhood of Detectives

Re:What do you expect from a Contractor? (1)

beadfulthings (975812) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630682)

Ah. I was going to point out that I always called them buzzards until someone told me it was politically incorrect.

Re:What do you expect from a Contractor? (1)

Rakarra (112805) | more than 3 years ago | (#36636880)

Ah. I was going to point out that I always called them buzzards until someone told me it was politically incorrect.

Unfortunately, I will ruin the joke and play biology bird/nerd for a moment and note that "buzzards" are hunting hawks, not vultures, so it's politically and biologically incorrect!

Re:What do you expect from a Contractor? (1)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36637020)

that's the european usage, the New World uses the term as a slang word in a less precise manner in different regions to mean variously, vultures; chicken hawks (a colloquialism for Cooper's Hawk, Sharp-shinned Hawk or Red-tailed Hawk; or Peregrine Falcon (Duck Hawk).

Re:What do you expect from a Contractor? (1)

beadfulthings (975812) | more than 3 years ago | (#36637200)

Yah. I think in the vernacular in the U.S., hawks actually go out and hunt for stuff while buzzards chow down on stuff that's already dead. I guess that would mean "hawks" are somehow more noble. But to give the buzzards (or vultures) their due, they certainly play a part in cleaning up the place. I saw an American Black Vulture sitting as nicely as you please on an abutment overlooking the busiest throughway in my city about two years ago. Because of the way the road is cut, I was actually up the hill from him and above him. (Or her, who knows). I thought he would make an excellent PSA for driving safely and fastening seat belts.

 

"Police Vulture Training Not a Success" (1)

alchemist68 (550641) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630524)

"Police Vulture Training Not a Success" This title sounds like this article was mis-filed and really belongs on "The Onion."

Re:"Police Vulture Training Not a Success" (2)

cheater512 (783349) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630628)

or The Register

Vultures are cool (4, Interesting)

wordsnyc (956034) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630530)

We have turkey vultures that return to nest in a tree on our property every year. They're intelligent critters, and they do not "finish off" injured animals. They do clean up roadkill remarkably quickly. Late in the summer their young leave the nest and the parents follow them around our yard as they learn to fly.

Re:Vultures are cool (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36632300)

We have turkey vultures that return to nest in a tree on our property every year. They're intelligent critters, and they do not "finish off" injured animals. They do clean up roadkill remarkably quickly. Late in the summer their young leave the nest and the parents follow them around our yard as they learn to fly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_Vulture
Its primary form of defense is regurgitating semi-digested meat.

Re:Vultures are cool (1)

Rakarra (112805) | more than 3 years ago | (#36636906)

We have turkey vultures that return to nest in a tree on our property every year. They're intelligent critters, and they do not "finish off" injured animals. They do clean up roadkill remarkably quickly. Late in the summer their young leave the nest and the parents follow them around our yard as they learn to fly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_Vulture
Its primary form of defense is regurgitating semi-digested meat.

And defecating on its own legs.

Police lions. (4, Funny)

sg_oneill (159032) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630546)

In other news the police lion project was also cancelled after the cats proved more interest in tearing the police-dogs limb to limb and then feasting on the arms of the trainers.

Re:Police lions. (2)

Darinbob (1142669) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630806)

But the police rat training is a resounded success. Or was until the lion got loose.

Re:Police lions. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36632378)

But the rats were there to remove any splinters found on the lion's paws.

of course (1)

phantomfive (622387) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630556)

Vultures didn't make it into 2. They should have trained with Hellions instead.

Re:of course (1)

mrax (1825176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631560)

Heh, I read the headline in the similar way. Jim Raynor types riding grenade launching hoverbikes. Oh well...

laser (0)

SnarfQuest (469614) | more than 3 years ago | (#36630646)

Maybe the vulture can only walk with that friggin big laser attached to its head. Those things are meant for sharks only.

der hund is viel besser :-) (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36630716)

what's the matter are they running out of GSDs?

No Way! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36630974)

What a shock!

Great idea! (1)

roman_mir (125474) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631142)

FTFA:

It had seemed such a great idea. What if the police had sniffer dogs that could fly? Dogs do not have wings, they realised, but birds do.

- I have suspicions about these cops. How did they come up with this? Were they sitting in a circle, passing a bong around, when the usual conversation of "My hands are HUGE" was all of a sudden interrupted by a guy, who watched too much Discovery channel?

-Oooooh, guys, I have an idea! It's BRILLIANT. What if birds could be cops?
-Holly shit, you are onto something there, man! But wouldn't it be better if cops were birds?
-I like birds.
-I want birds.
-I am a bird.
-No, you are not.
-Yes, I am.
-No, you are not.
-Flap your wings then.
(flap flap flap)
-HOLY SHIT! You ARE a bird!
-I knew a bird once. She was pretty, had this pretty blond hair. We went out a few times, but it didn't end well.
-Did you eat her? ...
-Vultures.

Re:Great idea! (1)

PitaBred (632671) | more than 3 years ago | (#36634588)

Vultures actually have a better sense of smell than dogs. There's scientific merit to the idea. It's just turning out that the vulture's brain isn't wired to be trained properly.

Human Meat, that's right (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36631394)

You need to feed the vultures human meat to train them.

sounds like.. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36631422)

..they used a teenage vulture.

The key problem (2)

Walt Dismal (534799) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631426)

The key problem was that the bird kept circling local McDonalds' and refused to leave. The trainer explained: "The smell of death made him very excited."

The pigs should use pigs. (4, Funny)

lexsird (1208192) | more than 3 years ago | (#36631620)

Aside from the obvious title fun, pigs are smarter than buzzards by far and they are already used to find truffles. Seriously, if they can be trained for truffles, they could be trained for finding a buried body. Imagine the hijinks of having a pig that can find both. It would be a twisted sort of lottery on what the pig found unless you could get him to distinguish between the two and signal which it is. Train them to find weed too would be a great trick. And bombs! Yes!

"Today, Pigs found a bomb and saved the day, details at 6 and 10!"
"Did you hear what that news guy called the police?"
"No, I wasn't paying attention."
"He said the pigs found a bomb!"
"Bravo for the pigs then, they weren't out handing out tickets then."
"No, it was real pigs that found the bomb."
"...as opposed to part time pigs?"
"No, these were real pigs as in oink oink, four legs, root around pigs!"
"I get it, they were full time pigs."
"No!"
"No? Either they are pigs or not?"
"Yes, they are pigs but they are swine."
"Aren't all cops swine?"
"From many's point of view, but these aren't cops they are pigs. Well, they are cops, but they are pigs first then cops second."
"So you are going "good cop, bad cop" with this? And pigs are the bad cops?"
"No, no no! These pigs are good cops, they found that bomb! But they aren't cops, they are pigs!"
"Whatever, now you are just being a dick."

Re:The pigs should use pigs. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36633824)

Seriously, if they can be trained for truffles, they could be trained for finding a buried body.

As I understand it, pigs find truffles not because they're trained to, but because they like the smell of truffles as they smell like a sexually aroused pig. So for your plan to work, you'll have to find a necrophiliac pig.

The other animal that can sniff out truffles is dogs, and in their case they're trained to do so. ... but there is already such a thing as "corpse dogs" who are trained to locate dead bodies, so you won't get a mention in Slashdot for the idea.

Next time... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36631688)

"Next time, on Inspector Rex, a new animal detective joins the squad with hilarious results..."

Sharks next? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36631944)

How about trying sharks next? They could find drowned swimmers and boat accident victims. Also, nothing would be cooler than a cop with a shark!

Wait, dogs can't fly? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36632894)

From TFA:

"It had seemed such a great idea. What if the police had sniffer dogs that could fly? Dogs do not have wings, they realised"

As soon as they realized that dogs don't have wings, did they consider fitting them with jet packs? This sounds like an engineering challenge, and if anyone can do it, I'm sure the Germans can.

Re:Wait, dogs can't fly? (1)

rbrausse (1319883) | more than 3 years ago | (#36638618)

As soon as they realized that dogs don't have wings, did they consider fitting them with jet packs?

this was tried before [wikimedia.org] but unfortunately the dog was dead before she could locate any corpses

Interesting... (1)

NervousWreck (1399445) | more than 3 years ago | (#36633426)

I thought vultures employed police, not the other way around.

They couldn't think of something better? (1)

Synerg1y (2169962) | more than 3 years ago | (#36636270)

anything? At least for once it's not the US tax payers money German cops 1-0 American cops.

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Not a waddle? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36644634)

" ... Preferring to walk. ...". Was it imitating another, even more preoccupying, avian gander?

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