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The Press Reacts To Steve Jobs' Departure — in 1985

timothy posted more than 3 years ago | from the didn't-know-what-they-were-missing dept.

Businesses 207

harrymcc writes "After reading a ton of stories about Steve Jobs' decision to step down as Apple's CEO, I turned the clock back and read a bunch about the first time he did so — unwillingly — in 1985. Some observers thought his departure would have little impact on Apple; others seemed to believe it was a great idea. And the Washington Post's T.R. Reid figured out that an Apple that chose to eject Jobs would be a profoundly lesser place."

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R.I.P. (3, Insightful)

Lisias (447563) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215096)

Apple, not Jobs.

(I really hope for the best for this guy.)

Brilliant idea! (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215170)

They should bring in some new CEO from a 'traditional' big company, like Coke. They could use some more stable strategizing. Maybe Bill Gates? RIP Steve, I loved the Newton, your greatest creation.

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

50000BTU_barbecue (588132) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215294)

Yeah, like Commodore did? Commodore was a billion dollar company once. Thanks, Scully!

Re:Brilliant idea! (5, Insightful)

icebike (68054) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215348)

Under Tim Cook, pinch hitting for Jobs, Apple did very very well.

Look people, this is not 1985 any more. The bean counters that had control of the company back then are no longer in control, (one has to ask who put them in control in the first place back then...).

This a different Apple, and one that does not rely on Jobs.

Its time for him to move out of the day to day control.

In spite of the rampant fanboyism Jobs is hurting Apple more than he is helping it these days. The ever tightening lock down, the clutching greed to get 30% of everything that comes on to the device, the total restructuring of the Ebook industry to serve Apple's interest and kill off the First Sale Doctrine, and the total paranoia about petty patent claims is seriously damaging Apple's brand. They have become what they sought to destroy in their Iconic Superbowl Commercial [] . All of that was Jobs.

Under Cook significant new features were added to IOS, long blocked by Jobs until he had to have his "hormonal imbalance" operated upon. New application models (like in-app purchases) were allowed into the App store, since shut down by Jobs.

Frankly this all things to Chairman Mao nonsense is getting a little tiresome. Cult figures are so over done. All we are missing here is the Che Guevara tee shirt of Steve. Oh, wait, too late [] .

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

Ethanol-fueled (1125189) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215486)

Speaking of jobs, Steve has always had a popular and lucrative side job. []

He always had an eye for design, and never really needed Apple to shine.

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

LocalH (28506) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215860)

That's not the style commonly seen on Guevara shirts.

Re:Brilliant idea! (-1, Flamebait)

thunderclap (972782) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215920)

Actually., I want them to self destruct because they are pulling down the industry with them. Let Jobs die and then for a little while apple will continue until the next innovation isnt there and finally they are returned to the niche company they have always been.

Re:Brilliant idea! (4, Interesting)

R3d M3rcury (871886) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216178)

Actually, I'm going to take the opposite tack.

Apple was far more litigious when Steve Jobs left. It was a Jobs-less Apple that sued Microsoft over the "look-and-feel" of Windows 2.0. There were spats throughout the '90s over QuickTime and TrueType (some valid). When Jobs came back, one of the first things he did was sign a patent cross-licensing agreement with Microsoft to get rid of all the lawsuits between the companies and get on with the task of coming up with the next big thing.

One could argue that since Steve has been gone on medical leaves, we've seen Apple litigating instead of innovating. Most of the new and notable features of iOS 5 bring it to parity with Android. Where's the "skating to where the puck will be?"

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216352)

I didn't think first but about the time when Jobs stepped aside for a while I started to feel that what is wrong with Apple as every product what they started to make (iOS and OS X) came cluttered. Features added without the smooth and clear UI as it use to be. Now it looks like KDE 3.2

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

Stargoat (658863) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216380)

Apple has always required Jobs. This is precisely because of this Chairman Mao nonsense.

The market is not practical. It has not priced into Apple stock that that Apple is only two years away from not mattering. Consumer goods cannot indefinitely sustain a computer business, particularly as the consumer goods are marketed so heavily with 'cool'.

Jobs' purpose at Apple was to distract from this. He caused the market to pay attention to the sizzle; to distract serious men from the lack of steak. He did it well.

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

roman_mir (125474) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216948)

Look people, this is not 1985 any more. The bean counters that had control of the company back then are no longer in control, (one has to ask who put them in control in the first place back then...).

- that's right! Different bean counters are in control. They have black jack and hookers.

Re:Brilliant idea! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215416)

They should bring in some new CEO from a 'traditional' big company, like Coke. They could use some more stable strategizing. Maybe Bill Gates? RIP Steve, I loved the Newton, your greatest creation.

I think the Newton started under the sugar water guy's term. Under the scientist's term Newton was spun off as a separate company. When Jobs returned he brought it back into Apple and killed it. To be fair parts lived on in Mac OS X and iOS.

Re:Brilliant idea! (2)

unixisc (2429386) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215634)

RIP Steve, I loved the Newton, your greatest creation.

I thought NeXT was his greatest creation. Had they had more powerful CPUs, that thing may even have been a success.

Re:Brilliant idea! (5, Informative)

bledri (1283728) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215768)


I thought NeXT was his greatest creation. Had they had more powerful CPUs, that thing may even have been a success.

NeXT is the core of OS X and iOS, so it's actually been insanely successful.

Re:Brilliant idea! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216378)

Uh, no. OSX is not "insanely successful" by any stretch of the imagination. It's a small, niche operating system at best.

Windows XP is "insanely successful".

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

konohitowa (220547) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216592)

iOS is OS X. Even more than so than OS X is NeXTStep. I suppose you could almost argue that OS X is becoming iOS starting with the Lion release. With 200 million iOS devices alone, and a decade worth of OS X sales, I think the "Uh, no." applies to your claim of niche just as well.

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

unixisc (2429386) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216848)

By NeXT, I was just talking about NeXT, not OS-X or iOS. OS-X came pretty late, almost at the time Windows XP replaced the Win9x based Windoze, so that any advantages Apple promised @ any point in time was lost. As it is, by killing the Apple clone market, like Power Computing, Motorola & Umax, Jobs ensured Apple's continuation but also ensured that MacOS wouldn't challenge Windows for dominance on the desktop, as it otherwise might have had it executed on either Pink, Copeland or let the clonemakers go w/ BeOS.

No, I was saying that NeXT Computer was a good computer that could have been a great box, if it had a more powerful CPU than the 68040, such as PA-RISC, MIPS or Sparc, and if they didn't offer the diskless version of their workstations. They would have sold about as many NeXT boxes as they did sparcstations, DECstations and so on.

Re:Brilliant idea! (1)

Lisias (447563) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216382)

`greatest` versus `biggest`. :-)

I think NeXT was his biggest creation, but when I got a Newton on my hands (God know how many years before I got my first Palm), all I did managed to say was "This is GREAT!".

Too much expensive for my pocket at that time, but really great nevertheless.

Re:Brilliant idea! (0)

konohitowa (220547) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216544)

RIP Sculley, I loved the Newton, your greatest creation.

FTFY. I'm always surprised by the number of people that seem to forget that Jobs was missing from Apple during that period. The same period that saw the creation of Firewire, ADB (which was eventually supplanted by USB over a decade later), use of MIT's NuBus, the PPC (including the emulation-migration from 68k to PPC), multimedia on the Mac... really, lots of good things happened at Apple while Jobs was gone. That said, it was a much better company with him back. Probably largely due to his ability to say "Yes" or "No" and then see stuff through, rather than the scattershot approach that seemed to plague them through "The Pepsi Years".

Re:Brilliant idea! (0)

scalpster (1459271) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216736)

They should bring in some new CEO from a 'traditional' big company, like Coke. They could use some more stable strategizing. Maybe Bill Gates? RIP Steve, I loved the Newton, your greatest creation.

The Newton was Scully's creation. His vision is understated: he coined the word "multimedia", introduced the world to HyperTalk, CD ROM, scanners, colour Macintoshes, digital photography among other things...

Jobs' less publicized skill ... (5, Insightful)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215206)

R.I.P. Apple, not Jobs. (I really hope for the best for this guy.)

Most people are familiar with Jobs' skill with respect to product design and marketing. However he possess a less publicized skill that is at least as important than the preceding, probably more important. He assembles teams of really exceptional people to implement his ideas. Once upon a time that would have been the Mac design team. Today that would be Apple's executive leadership. He is handing things off to an extremely capable senior management team.

He is not handing Apple over to a sugar water salesman brought on board to provide adult supervision, he is handing Apple over to his hand pick proteges.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (4, Insightful)

NoNonAlphaCharsHere (2201864) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215400)

He is not handing Apple over to a sugar water salesman brought on board to provide adult supervision

LOL. Too right. And that's what their (retarded) board thought they needed, circa (IIRC) 1985ish. I remember reading the preface to a Playboy interview of him from that era, where the author was warned, "Be prepared, you're about to be hyped by the best". And he was/is. Karl fucking Rove wakes up in the middle of the night sobbing, wishing he could spin a story the way Steve Jobs can.

He assembles teams of really exceptional people to implement his ideas

He assembles teams of really exceptional people to brutalize into doing exactly what he wants; luckily, he's usually 98% correct.

Fact is, Steve must be dying (and KNOWS it) or he wouldn't be letting go of the reins, because he's THAT much of a control freak. Apple without him is going to become Ford without Henry, IBM without a Watson. NOT, not, not, a Microsoft without a Gates; Bill has never been a visionary, just a sharky cutthroat businessman. Steve, much as people can hate on him, is the real deal, he can look into the future, like an Edwin Land, (if you don't know who he is, shame on you, turn in your geek card) and CREATE a market around a new idea of his of a product/market that never existed before he dreamed it up. Sure, the haters will claim the Lisa was really the Xerox Star, but can they hand-wave away the iPod, the iPhone? No, I didn't think so. Much as the whole industry wants to hate on him, Steve has done more than Woz, Gates, Bushnell and Kay together to make the world we live in happen.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (4, Insightful)

adamofgreyskull (640712) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215674)

Fact check. Sorry if this makes me a "hater" or a "hand-waver" but there *was* a market, however small, for portable mp3 players before the iPod. The Diamond Rio and the Creative NOMAD are the most memorable fore-runners. Similarly, there was already an almost 10 year-old market for "smart" phones before the iPhone came along, satisfied by offerings from Nokia, Microsoft, Palm and Blackberry. Or didn't you know that? Maybe you need to turn in your geek card? ;)

Jobs steered Apple in the right direction; he recognised areas where they could excel and perhaps because of that you can claim he's a visionary, but he didn't invent (or even "dream up" the concept of) portable mp3 players or smart-phones, just directed his employees to produce marketably "better" ones.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (4, Insightful)

NoNonAlphaCharsHere (2201864) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215882)

Yup. And there was a market for "horseless carriages" before Henry Ford standardized them and started mass-producing them. And Maxwell had a pretty good handle on electromagnetic propagation before Marconi got involved. If you can't accept the notion that Jobs had a revolutionary, not (just) evolutionary, effect on mp3 players and cell phones, then you simply haven't been paying attention. I'm hardly one to be worshiping at the "Steve Jobs is our god, lead us where thou wilt" altar, I, at least, am willing to give credit where it's due. I'm not necessarily a fan of his, but I have to admit, "Steve, he's a visionary; Woz, he's an engineer".

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216014)

I'm not necessarily a fan of his, but I have to admit, "Steve, he's a visionary; Woz, he's an engineer".

And your mom, she's a slut. If she's a fat slut the likelihood you're half black increases drastically.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (2)

Anonymus (2267354) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216560)

Except Apple didn't in any way improve them (maybe the user interface if you're going by the average device on the market, but even that surely wasn't the best). The iPod has been one of the most overpriced player on the market, with the fewest features, ever since the first one was released. I remember at the time (around 2001-2002) that you could get a competing mp3 player with the same features for literally less than half the price of an ipod. A player that also let you copy your files OFF OF the device, or copy your friends files ONTO the device, without wiping the entire thing.

The only thing Apple/Jobs did was see that it was the right time for selling overpriced technology as a fashion statement and status symbol, which I just can't see as a really visionary thing. To compare them to Ford is ridiculous, Ford was about as far away from that as you can get.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (2)

CapuchinSeven (2266542) | more than 3 years ago | (#37217038)

Except Apple didn't in any way improve them.

Sure sure. I mean, it didn't have as many features, right? That's what makes something better, features. Gotta get more and more of those features, that'll make it better.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (4, Insightful)

Grygus (1143095) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215978)

I was an early adopter in the mp3 player scene and I don't think it's at all an exaggeration to say that iPod revolutionized the market. I owned a Rio PMP 300 and later upgraded to a Creative Nomad Jukebox, but it wasn't until I got one of the earlier iPod models that I thought mp3 players had really arrived. The others were first, yes, and they did work, but very few people were all that interested until the iPod combined a small form factor and a large capacity. The interface was pretty cool at the time, too. Shame they were so expensive, but it didn't keep them from changing the way most people (and some manufacturers) thought about portable music.

Again, you're right that smartphones do not owe their existence to the iPhone, but when the iPhone released there was nothing else quite like it; now virtually the entire market resembles the Apple product. You need a special sort of denial to say that the device wasn't highly influential. Smartphones as they exist today very obviously owe a great deal to the iPhone. Android in particular seems unlikely ever to have been designed had the iPhone not been released and been such a market success.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (2)

SenseiLeNoir (699164) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216964)

Need to correct you about Android. Having been involved with Android for a very long time (well before it was actually released, and even before the iPhone was released or even announced).

In those very early days, the idea was to have a minimal approach (with only one or two buttons). It was in fact the hardware manufacturers who insisted on having more buttons. Multi Touch was envisioned as part of the system, but then hurridly disabled once the iphone came out, as Eric Schmid was at the time on Apple's board, and they didnt want to upset Apple.

There was an app store concept too.

Apple just released the damn thing first (credit to them).

Now we're getting there (1)

LostMyBeaver (1226054) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216076)

It wasn't even about the portable music player. It was about the overall infrastructure. When iTunes was released, the commercial music players sucked (think adware/spyware from Real) and the free music players were all about bling bling (think WinAmp) which chased away users like myself. (And I paid the $10 for WinAmp).

He turned Apple into a music center... then, instead of treating iTunes as an accessory to a music player, he treated the music player as an accessory to this free program which he released not only for Mac, but also for PC... for free. Then, instead of focusing on marketing this music player accessory to his normal audience of Apple cultists (and if you consider Jobs to be anything less than an insanely successful cult leader, you'd be insulting him), he decided to target the general consumer. He went after the most lucrative music market in the world... the teenaged-mid 20s girl. By extension, he went after the mothers who do things like buy shoes and purses to feel prettier. The iPod was NOT about the music. It wasn't about being an electronic device. It was completely about the fashion involved.

This proved so successful that Mac, iPad, iPod, iPhone are ALL ABOUT FASHION. They cost more... so does Prada. They lack the features of the competitors... so does Louis Vuitton. They are far more restrictive and often less functional than the competitors... so is Jimmy Choo. But they shine. They provide status. They are pretty.

Apple tried making servers... the XServe was BEAUTIFUL... FASHIONALBLE. Any data center using these things would stand out as being sexy... but that wasn't enough. The product just didn't take off.

Apple continued trying to make big video editing computers like the Mac Pro. Well... look at what Apple's done to Final Cut X and Mac OS X Server. I assure you. The lifespan of the Mac Pro is limited. In fact, the latest Mac Book Pro has just as much CPU power as most post production video editors have in their studio systems. Using accessories from Blackmagic, Promise and others that connect via Thunderbolt, a Mac Book Pro or iMac is a far more ideal post production video editing system than a Mac Pro. After all, you can bring your projects on the road with you when you don't need the editing decks and mixing boards. The Mac Pro is soon a goner. Costs too much to produce and it doesn't really give you much more than you get from a notebook these days. Apple seems to be yielding the high end pro market to Avid and being happy with the average mom and pop shop. Final Cut will help them sell more notebooks for $299. In the past, the price of Final Cut was so high that people would buy PCs with Vegas if they couldn't afford the Apple stuff.

Apple is about fashion... Being part of something bigger by making a purchase... you too can be special.

Let's also point out that in a world where :
  "Nerds do their best to be perceived as normal and geeks do their best to be perceived as nerds"

Apple allows geeks to present themselves as nerds a little easier to the common individual because by learning the specs of Apple machines and the boot commands to boot from different devices and how to install boot camp etc... they can pretend to be nerds. And being an Apple nerd by extension is more fashionable than being just a geek. Therefore, when the average consumer goes to the geekiest person they know, incorrectly thinking they are nerds by extension, the geek will spew out specs and geek crap about Windows and Mac and convince the people who came to them that in their informed expert opinion, the Mac is by far a much better solution.

It's about being more. And Apple gives people that. Windows is what those other losers who refuse to spend $400 on a pair of shoes get. Apple is fashion baby. As an example... the first thing most people think of when they hear the name Steve Jobs isn't Apple... but it's "Black Turtleneck"

So... unless Apple can continue to produce an mystic of approachable high fashion.... it'll be an issue. I think Steve has laid a great foundation for the future of Apple. He's not leaving and he's not bad mouthing them on the way out. Instead, he'll stick around and help continue the fashion.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215712)

Steve has done more than Woz, Gates, Bushnell and Kay together to make the world we live in happen.

Wait, doesn't that mean Woz indirectly made the world we live in by working with Jobs all those years ago?

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215758)

Wasn't the Mac opened up a bit more for expansion and options when Jobs was away? I didn't have one at the time but the early ones were all one-size-fits-all, with the first not even having room to add your own memory (except via a sneaky trick an engineer suck in via "debug port"). But later Mac II's all had card slots and such.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (2)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215590)

And yet again that is something that really separates him from Ballmer. Ballmers problem is that not only does he have even a remote interest in technology, he is also a really shitty manager. He has no control over what goes on in Microsoft, nor does he seem particularly interested. As such every major manager there is stuck in the late 90s mindset that their only "real" competition comes from within Microsoft and are constantly attacking other divisions and defending their own from what they perceive are encroachments on their territory. The result is a jumbled mess, both across product lines(2 different, incompatible DRM systems, 3...THREE! different phone OS systems!) and even inside individual products itself. The Windows GUI is just an absolute inconsistent mish-mash of an interface with settings strewn randomly across the OS, often times the same functionality can be controlled with 2 or 3 different settings controlled from different programs. Not to mention it doesnt really mesh with the Office GUI etc. As a result of Ballmer's mismanagement a lot of really good ideas developed at Microsoft go nowhere and a lot of really smart people waste away there. MSFT stock has gone nowhere(yeah I know they pay a dividend, but the dividend they pay is about what I get from my savings account). If the Republicans hadnt ensured that shareholders essentially have no rights, I believe the shareholders would have rebelled against Ballmer years ago.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (1)

Keen Anthony (762006) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215924)

This is true, but I heard a rare bit on insight from a cable news pundit today, in essence: Steve Jobs is very particular attention to details. He dwells on things like color and whether headphones should have a small clasp to help keep them neat. Steve Jobs is the kind of person who knows when to veto cost savings in favor of design. Tim Cook is a numbers guy. He's surely a capable business leader, but will he have that extra talent an the guts that Steve Jobs had...

Jobs still around as the "chief visionary" (2)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216448)

This is true, but I heard a rare bit on insight from a cable news pundit today, in essence: Steve Jobs is very particular attention to details. He dwells on things like color and whether headphones should have a small clasp to help keep them neat. Steve Jobs is the kind of person who knows when to veto cost savings in favor of design. Tim Cook is a numbers guy. He's surely a capable business leader, but will he have that extra talent an the guts that Steve Jobs had...

My understanding is that Cook's background is as an operations guy. So its not numbers in the purely accounting sense. His operations background may come into play more in the sense of lets not repeat the confusing product line of the 90s. On the other hand an operations guy might have said the white iPhone 4 was too much trouble and canceled it. However in the last few years he has been running things off and on and has been getting mentored by Jobs for even longer than that.

Besides, Jobs may still be around as the "chief visionary". Being CEO of one of the worlds largest corporation is very time consuming and very stressful before one decides to also get involved in product design and similar "distractions". Hopefully he is just trying to get more rest and have less stress, ditching the traditional CEO duties should help greatly there. Lets hope he can still hang out with the designers/developers and focus on that sort of stuff, stuff he probably enjoys doing.

Re:Jobs' less publicized skill ... (2)

konohitowa (220547) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216630)

Steve Jobs is very particular attention to details.

Exactly! If you don't think Steve has been MIA, give Lion a whirl. I can't imagine Steve ever letting it get out the door. The attention to detail just isn't there.

Rise In Power? Roll Into Position? (2)

SuperKendall (25149) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215228)

R.I.P. - Apple, not Jobs.

Help me figure out what this means.

Because far from being ejected from Apple, Jobs is "leaving" Apple to be "only" a board member, after totally and utterly filling every corner of Apple with his personal product philosophy.

I mean, Tim Cook has only been essentially running the thing for a few years now anyway and Apple does not seem to have suffered....

Not to mention Jonathan Ive is still there, the guy actually responsible for the literal shape of Apple as we know it.

So the only interpretation of R.I.P. that doesn't make any sense would be anything starting with "Rest", since Apple has been kicking ass and taking names for a while now and there's no sign that will let up soon.

Sadly the market doesn't feel as you do, I was really hoping at a last chance to pick up Apple stock on the cheap.

Re:Rise In Power? Roll Into Position? (1)

Lisias (447563) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216346)

Doesn't matters if Jobs is leaving or "being leaved".

The fact, at least to me, is that what Jobs did for Apple is not a mechanical routine that can be easily delegated to third parties, not matter how faithful they are.

In My Humble Opinion, the Apple that we know today is going to slowly vanish, being replaced by a PMI style corporation.

It's perfectly possible that this ends up being good for the shareholders, but the Apple I learnt to admire and respect will be, at some point, past.

A few people had it right (5, Interesting)

backslashdot (95548) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215116)

The quote from Nolan Bushnell at the end pretty much sums up the truth.

“Where is Apple’s inspiration going to come from? Is Apple going to have all the romance of a new brand of Pepsi?”


Re:A few people had it right (1)

Trepidity (597) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216990)

Turned out to be true with Atari, too, after Bushnell sold it in 1984.

"unwillingly" (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215120)

I would say he is unwillingly stepping down this time too.

I hate what Apple represents now, and how they oversell their draconian un-upgradeable Intel/unix hardware to hipsters in order to spend billions on lawsuits and silly patents (and some innovation). But I don't wish ill on Steve Jobs.

Re:"unwillingly" (1)

The Dawn Of Time (2115350) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215186)

You. Don't you ever change, you. You're priceless.

Let's not forget ... (4, Insightful)

MacTO (1161105) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215188)

The Steve Jobs who was forced to leave Apple in the 1980s is not the same Jobs who returned to Apple in the 1990s. By the time of his return he was a much more experienced businessman, having not just Apple under his belt but NeXT and Pixar.

We should also remember that the 1990s were a very tough time for Apple, even with Jobs as the CEO. He undoubtedly had acquired a lot more experience during that phase. He also had a fair bit of luck on his side. (IIRC, the iMac was basically handed to him from the previous guard and no one saw the iPod for what it would become when it was introduced.)

The tone of the article seems to be that the departure of Jobs was the downfall of Apple, but it may have been the saviour of Apple. And even though we can probably agree that Jobs brought Apple back from the dead, he certainly had some helping hands.

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215336)

He may have been given the iMac but what Jobs brought to the table was all his NeXT software which is where OS X came from. That, along with the iPod is what really brought Apple back from the dead.

No amount of slick looking hardware would have sold with that aging, non-multitasking, crash prone OS 9 bullshit. Imagine if Microsoft had only offered Windows 3.1 all the way until the year 1999... that's exactly what Apple was doing until Jobs came back.

Re:Let's not forget ... (4, Interesting)

MacTO (1161105) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215506)

Huh. Mac OS 8 and Mac OS 9 were both released under Jobs' guard. Apple was able to sell slick looking hardware with it. (The iMac G3 may look dated today, but it was something out of this world in the late 1990s.)

Incidentally, Apple was already working on a replacement (Copland). Even though it was ultimately deemed a failure, Apple worked on it for roughly 2 years. In contrast, it took nearly 4 years to get Mac OS X out the door and most Mac users wouldn't even touch that until 10.2 came out. Would Copland have saved the day if it was released? I don't know, but it may have.

And what is it with people's inabilities to distinguish between non-multitasking and cooperative multitasking these days?

Re:Let's not forget ... (4, Insightful)

dgatwood (11270) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215844)

Would Copland have saved the day if it was released?

Definitely not. Copland was an interesting piece of software, and certainly much more modern than the 8 nanokernel (and it might even have been more modern than parts of Mac OS X, even—I'm not really sure), but the OS itself is not the whole story. In fact, it's arguably the least important part of the story.

Mac OS X wasn't just a replacement for Mac OS. It was also a usable UNIX. Copland certainly wouldn't have drawn the Linux/UNIX crowd the way NeXT did, and I think that had a real impact on the perception of Apple in the enterprise.

This, in turn, drove the intense popularity of Apple's laptops among the geek crowd (when other manufacturers' laptops weren't doing nearly as well). In an era when Apple was only three or four percent of the market, you could walk into a UNIX/Linux conference and half of the laptops would be Macs. Why? Because geeks wanted a usable laptop running some sort of UNIX variant, and running a laptop in Linux generally sucked at the time.

That popularity, in turn, caused all those geeks to recommend these things to their friends and families, which played a significant part in the rapid decline of desktop computing in favor of mobile computing in the first part of the last decade. The rapid shift towards laptops, in turn, was the reason Apple gave up on PowerPC and transitioned to Intel hardware—a transition that made Apple's computers immensely more popular almost overnight. How much of this was actually driven by Mac OS X being UNIX, I couldn't begin to guess, but I'm certain it was nonzero.

Also, NeXT brought with it functioning code for i386, and a functional set of developer tools (the GNU toolchain). The Intel transition would have been a lot harder with Copland, not to mention the whole ARM thing on iOS. Can you imagine if Apple were building iOS using CodeWarrior?

Finally, NeXT brought with it a lot of new blood. Apple doesn't usually acquire companies for technology. It acquires companies because it wants their employees. From what I hear from people who worked at Apple in that era, the NeXT merger created all sorts of culture clash initially, but in the end, it resulted in a much stronger company than either company could have become on its own.

And, of course, the merger brought back Steve Jobs. You can argue all you want about whether Steve actually made decisions that no one else could have or would have made, but ultimately that's not what matters. What matters is that one of the guys who founded the company was back at the helm. Psychologically speaking, I think that did more to get Apple back on its feet than anything else, including the NeXT merger, including any single decision that Steve made, including even the advent of the iPhone.

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

MacTO (1161105) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216034)

Yes, that Unix bit did bring in new customers. Given the type of people who I work and socialize with, that is abundantly clear. But I don't think we can make that argument for the market as a whole. Simply put, the majority of computer buyers don't care what's under the hood as long as it does what they want it to.

Would Copland have been able to make the transition to Intel or ARM? I haven't seen the code base, so I don't have a clue. If it couldn't, that would have had a definite impact. The transition to Intel was definitely important from the perspective of making high performance computers (sorry PowerPC fans). The ability to use an existing OS definitely would reduce the R&D costs involved with making the new devices. Yet I also think that it's silly to suggest that Apple would set out to develop a new OS which was not portable across architectures. They knew better than Microsoft the pains of supporting multiple architectures. You could find the 6502, 65816, 680x0, PowerPC, and various ARMs in their products. (They also attempted to use a different processor prior to the PowerPC.)

On the psychological angle though, I agree. Jobs helped there. But so did Gates.

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

dgatwood (11270) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216338)

I'm not saying it couldn't have made the transition. I've only seen a few tiny fragments of the Copland code base (that were ported to MkLinux), but what I saw looked like it would be reasonably portable.

My point was that by the time Apple acquired NeXT, it was already running on both PowerPC and Intel, which gave them a huge head start on the Intel transition just a few years later. I'm not sure when or if they ever stopped maintaining x86 support, but the last Darwin OS binary release in 2002 still contained Intel bits. I'd expect a big difference in effort between porting even a well-designed, highly portable OS from scratch and cleaning up an OS port that had been abandoned at most a couple of years earlier....

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215568)

On the desktop sector, Microsoft _did_ only offer Windows 3.1 until rather after 1999. NT was for servers and workstations until XP arrived. Are you suggesting that their server presence was more significant than the universal presence of Windows+Office as the business desktop in keeping Windows' near-monopoly during that time?

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

The Dawn Of Time (2115350) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215606)

Are you trying to say Windows 95+ was the same as 3.1?

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

Billly Gates (198444) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215692)

Actually yes. It still ran on top of DOS and no different than Win 3.11 in that regard. MS marketing liked to say otherwise and how they are all so 32-bit, but it still ran on DOS and the 32-bit subsystem ran on a semi Vm like state that still took down the whole OS when a win32 app crashed.

The differemce was marketing because Windows 3.11 sucked so bad.

  I was so happy to run Windows NT 4.0 a year later when I got a fast Pentium 166. I could tell it was a real OS and was surprised to see things like a win32 percentage dialog box instead of a DOS dialog percentage box for supposedly win32 apps. I could only run Quake 1 for video games but it was so clean.

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215756)

Dude, seriously? []

I mean, I think a proper GUI, plug-n-play, 32-bit multitasking, etc. were reason enough to distiguish it from win 3.11, but man, chill.

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

Droolster (203207) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216358)

I mean, I think a proper GUI, plug-n-play, 32-bit multitasking, etc. were reason enough to distiguish it from win 3.11, but man, chill.

On paper, yes. In practicality, no. Did you ever even (try to) use Windows 95? The GUI and multitasking was a very poor attempt at what other other systems had been doing better for years; the plug-n-play aspect was a joke - the plug-n-pray anecdote duly deserved, if you could get working drivers.

Wait .. why does it feel I'm describing Vista?

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

Gadget_Guy (627405) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215822)

The AC's post was obviously a troll to entice someone to mention Windows 95 so they could respond that 95 was really 3.1. It is nice to see that Billly Gates was ready with the punch line, although I can't help but wonder whether he was also the coward who made the setup line in the first place.

Anyone who tries to claim that Microsoft's most significant upgrade of Windows was just a marketing scam is a complete douche. Windows 95 had an entirely new user interface, pre-emptive multitasking, and ..... hang on, I am falling into Billy Gates' trap too.

Suffice it to say that Billy Gates is a douche. The original poster was a douche too. If it turns out that the original poster was actually Billy Gates, then that makes him a double douche.

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216304)

The AC's post was obviously a troll to entice someone to mention Windows 95 so they could respond that 95 was really 3.1. It is nice to see that Billly Gates was ready with the punch line, although I can't help but wonder whether he was also the coward who made the setup line in the first place.

Sorry to disappoint, but no, I'm the AC who posted it, and Billy G is someone else. And I didn't do it to "entice someone ... so [I] could respond", what I wrote was a plain statement that Win95 is Win3.1, in the same sense that Mac OS 9 is Mac OS 7-8/System 5-7. They're not the same, to be sure -- even Firefox makes sure they at least break something before they bump the major version number -- but it's an evolutionary upgrade, not a new OS.

Anyone who tries to claim that Microsoft's most significant upgrade of Windows was just a marketing scam is a complete douche. Windows 95 had an entirely new user interface, pre-emptive multitasking, and ..... hang on, I am falling into Billy Gates' trap too.

Suffice it to say that Billy Gates is a douche. The original poster was a douche too. If it turns out that the original poster was actually Billy Gates, then that makes him a double douche.

Well, you think I'm a douche. Thanks for your enlightening opinion.

Re:Let's not forget ... (5, Interesting)

hairyfeet (841228) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215430)

Actually, and I'm sure I'll get hate for saying this, it was Gates who saved his ass. Of course we know Gates didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart, he did it to keep from being the only OS company and thus a big ass target to regulators but he did save his ass.

Not only did Gates cut a big fat check for Apple stock which at the time really wasn't doing squat, but also there was serious fears that nobody was gonna waste money developing for a "dying" platform. Having the head of one of the largest software companies on the planet come out and say 'I think the Mac has a great future and we at Microsoft are committed to supporting the Mac with our software" and then announcing a long term deal to supply MS Office really killed a lot of the skittishness. After that at the next MacWorld you saw tons of companies jump on board because if MSFT thought there was money to be made? Maybe there was.

Don't get me wrong, once Jobs had the money he was fricking brilliant, killing all the huge lines of confusing plastic crap and making a small line of sleek and sexy products, one hit after another. But when Jobs first came back there was serious talk that Apple was a "dead" system (I know, funny now right?) and that Jobs didn't have a prayer of stopping the death spiral. Gates may be a ruthless bastard but if he hadn't helped out Apple at the right time and gave Jobs the funds and breathing room he needed to rebuild the line things could have turned out VERY differently.

I just wonder how well Cook is gonna be able to break balls and steer the ship, because from everything I've read he has been more of a supply chain guy. Apple under Jobs has always been Steve's vision of perfection, like it or not, so we'll just have to see if after the products that were already in the pipeline have come and gone if Cook can come up with new markets to slaughter like Jobs did.

Either way Via Con Dios Steve, you truly deserve to be in that tiny room of visionaries that can say "I changed the way things are done".

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

NoNonAlphaCharsHere (2201864) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215650)

Lol wut? Gates (loudly and publicly) cut that big fat check to prop up his "See? We haves teh competition!" anti-trust pretensions. Anybody who's ever been within a 3-wood's distance from the industry knows/knew that Microsoft Office for Mac was a sop to keep the anti-monopolists at bay. Mac in the office???? In the graphic arts department, sure, but in the rest of the enterprise? Puh. Leeeeze, don't make me laugh. What Steve did (innovate) was so far out of Bill's wheelhouse (cutthroat business practices), they may as well have been in different dimensions.

Either way Via Con Dios Steve, you truly deserve to be in that tiny room of visionaries that can say "I changed the way things are done".

Well, OK, "Rogers" on that one!!

Re:Let's not forget ... (5, Informative)

tlhIngan (30335) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215728)

No, that $150M Microsoft invested in Apple was purely a confidence move. It basically told investors "Apple is here to stay".

Apple didn't the money ($150M? They still had at least $10B in the bank). But the public needed to see that Microsoft was investing in a "dying platform". They tossed money in (and got double back a few years later when they cashed out), but more importantly, they committed development resources.

Investors saw the cash as "Apple can't be dying if Microsoft was willing to put up money", and developers saw the Office and IE commitment as "the two biggest apps on the planet - for Mac!".

Really a brilliant business maneuver - the money was a lot to most people, but for Apple it barely even registered on the stockholder's reports and was barely needed.

Business is a confidence game, and Apple wasn't inspiring any. By getting Microsoft to make a trivial investment, the confidence in Apple skyrocketed.

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216344)

[citation needed]

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

Billly Gates (198444) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215754)

Apple was dying on its last legs and was drowning in debt when Steve Jobs came by. No sane investor or bank would invest in that dying company.

If Jobs came back in 1993 or 1994 it would have been a different story and wouldn't need Bill's money. Of course Windows 95 did much harm to Apple and could have killed with or without him, but things would ahve been different if the iMac came out in 1993 or 1994.

My guess is Steve Jobs wouldn't have use the powerpc chips either (even though they were twice as fast as x86) and would have used a pentium so the iMacs could have run Windows 95. But who knows ...

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

hairyfeet (841228) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216946)

Exactly! Folks here seem to forget how bad a shape that company was in when Jobs got there. it was NOTHING like the Apple he had left. it had been horribly mismanaged for years, they had a HUGE line of the most confusing crap. I should know as we were looking at a Mac for my dad about a year before Jobs came back and honestly even the salespeople didn't know whether this model or that was the "fastest" or better or anything, there were simply too many models, most of which had serious overlaps.

And lets not forget the OS either. by that time Windows was up to Win95 and Apple was using the same tired OS they had in the late 80s. No multitasking NO memory protection, a friend had one of the Performas and I swear you could look at the thing funny and get a panic or freeze up. The Pepsi guy bet the farm on the lawsuit against MSFT and let the company go to hell so when he lost that was it, he was fucked.

So as another poster pointed out while the dollar amount may not have been enough to save Apple it was a big enough token to get Wall Street to take notice, because they knew Bill Gates didn't throw money at losing deals and combined with the long term agreement to support the Mac showed developers the Mac was worth developing for.

While I'm happy to give Steve all the credit in the world for turning Apple around the man needed to have time to clean up the mess, straight the ship, and get NeXTStep converted into OSX. Thanks to MSFT Jobs didn't have all the "Jobs returns to company in death spiral" stories every day and instead was getting upbeat press which got the investors off his back and let the man work. So give credit where credit is due, whether you like the company or not. When Steve needed the help Bill came through, for selfish reasons or not.

Re:Let's not forget ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215776)

Actually, and I'm sure I'll get hate for saying this, it was Gates who saved his ass. Of course we know Gates didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart, he did it to keep from being the only OS company and thus a big ass target to regulators but he did save his ass.

While I might agree that Microsoft developing for the Mac with Office and IE was a big deal the check that was cut wasn't as big a deal.

At the end of 1996, they had about 1.8b in cash and securities. At the rate they were going, they had a couple years to return to profit before they'd have to cover expenses by rapidly expanding their debt. 150 million in the face of that would have maybe gotten them another quarter or so. Apple was profitable and growing their reserves within a year of that.

That said, Microsoft developing for the platform and showing it was "viable" to the largest software developer in the world may have been the big impact they made to the survival of the platform. The 150 million was a token, and more likely due to the lawsuits between the two companies at the time than any desire to save Apple, self-preserving or otherwise.

Re:Let's not forget ... Schindler's List (4, Interesting)

epine (68316) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215448)

Schindler: There's no way I could have known this before, but there was always something missing. In every business I tried, I can see now it wasn't me that had failed. Something was missing. Even if I'd known what it was, there's nothing I could have done about it, because you can't create this thing. And it makes all the difference in the world between success and failure.
Emilie: Luck.
Schindler: War.

Steve was ahead of his time in the 1980s. He was a trendy gadget maker stuck in the PC business. His early attempts to gadgify the PC mostly lead to vanity art, and vanity will only get you 10% of the market, unless you can pull it out of your pocket in public display.

On his HID aesthetic, it turns out the mouse had a correct solution: one button for selecting, a second button to summon a menu of actions (where your eyes are already looking), and a wheel for scrolling in between the two buttons. This is simpler than your telephone, simpler than your steering wheel, simpler than your stereo/VCR/TV/digital alarm clock/wrist watch. Hardly anyone who wasn't suffering post-traumatic Luddite syndrome would have found such a mouse difficult to operate, even in 1985. He directed his wrath at the mouse, when he should have directed his wrath at the worthless scroll-bars, which mostly take up valuable space to little effect, though we have a lot more of that now. He was always catering to "out of box" comfort zone, rather the comfort zone people grow into when they finally figure out how to make the hay fly. Just what everyone in the 1980s really needed: a good $4000 in-store experience for ten minutes, followed by three years of window thrashing.

Way back, I had an opportunity to visit Parc and sit in front of what I recall as a Xerox Dorado (which I vaguely recall as consisting of $50,000 of ECL circuitry--I've recently done some LVPECL design work, and I *know* what that implies on the global warming front). The mouse had three buttons and was hideously complicated during my first ten minutes of grokage. I can understand why Apple didn't replicate a three-button Jack-in-the-Box for your average consumer.

But for Jobs, far enough was never far enough until it was too far. Step two: defend the decision as if moral rectitude and reproductive fitness hangs in the balance. The winning conditions for Steve Jobs was a device that fits in your pocket which costs roughly $1000/year to operate. This was the business he was really building in the first place, long before this model was right for the world.

Jobs paced himself more or less the same way as Andre Agassi's father. Andre had a rough patch, but seems to have recovered, for the most part, and there was much success along with the hardship. Jobs never wanted the PC to have a healthy adolescence, in which order arises from chaos. Which is fine, but he scorned the people getting on with what needed to happen, which is far less OK.

In the larger view, perhaps it takes twenty years of demanding too much too soon to suddenly discover you're the man of the decade. Jobs did a fair amount of damage to common sense with his premature vision of appliancehood. But like Schindler, when the winning conditions finally arrived he acquitted himself at a level rarely achieved in life.

I'm no fan of his bullshit years, though I admire his crowning achievement (which I'm tempted to cite as clang/LLVM, but that's just me).

Re:Let's not forget ... Schindler's List (1)

maxwell demon (590494) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215586)

On his HID aesthetic, it turns out the mouse had a correct solution: one button for selecting, a second button to summon a menu of actions (where your eyes are already looking), and a wheel for scrolling in between the two buttons.

Except that Apple's mouse was famous for having only one button, because two buttons were considered to be too complicated ...

Re:Let's not forget ... Schindler's List (1)

darthdavid (835069) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215694)

Hear that whooshing noise? That was his point going over your head...

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

ehintz (10572) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215724)


Jobs was very proud, when he came back, about how he simplified the stupidly complex product line (mainly Performas) into the nice G3 beige boxen. As an employee at the time I sat through countless presos extolling this great accomplishment. Always annoyed me that he took personal credit for that, when it was all Amelio's doing (the G3s were already on the production line when Jobs came back). And never forget that he got his start in the biz by shamelessly manipulating the Woz once he figured out he wasn't technically capable of designing Breakout.

He's certainly done good things for Apple in his second coming, but the guy is hardly the great genius many seem to think he is. Just a very shrewd operator and opportunist who was in the right place a lot of times and capitalized on it (and yes-he did have a good knack for surrounding himself with genius-types to make things happen, credit where credit is due).

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

whoever57 (658626) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216046)

Didn't Jobs try to promote Lisa and kill Mac before it was released? IIRC, the first Mac was released in spite of Jobs, not because of him.

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

mridoni (228377) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216536)

Quite the contrary: Jobs wanted to cancel or downsize almost everything else in order to support the Macintosh. What everybody seems to have forgotten is that, despite the good reception both by reviewers and the general public, the first Mac wasn't selling well: sales basically slowed down to a crawl in the second half of 1984 (when sales of the Apple II still contributed to 70% of Apple's revenue), and in March 1985 they amounted to 1/10th of the forecast. Jobs was forced to leave because hiis decisions, and his stubborness when confronted with the need to change them, were turning an innovative and promising product into a possible half-baked venture, and ultimately damaging to the whole company.

Re:Let's not forget ... (1)

Gideon Wells (1412675) | more than 3 years ago | (#37217024)

Yeah, I remember hearing that Jobs himself considered getting booted from Apple was the wake up call he needed.

Steve who? (3, Funny)

wronski (821189) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215192)

Who cares about this Jobs fellow? Cmdr Taco has resigned!!

Re:Steve who? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215292)

As long as we post comments about his 2" micro-penis, his love of 12-year-old boys, or his wife kathleen being a cum-dumpster, he hasn't really left.

Besides, if Malda and his tiny dick didn't tell you that he quit, would you even know?

Re:Steve who? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215678)


By J. Wipo Troll, Esq., $Revision: 1.16 $

[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as Taco-snotting, or simply snotting. Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help before it is too late. ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself CmdrTaco?

You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert CmdrTaco Malda, owner of the popular technology website Actually, its not a very popular site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies, and other societal rejects and outcasts. Its also home to one of the worlds largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous Slashdot crew.

Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnt, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyones guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youre a potential candidate.

This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?

CmdrTacos code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thats right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdots parent corporation, VA Software. Mr. Maldas Commander is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldas own lubed-up right hand. His Taco bells are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his Taco sauce is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to ring his Taco bells or taste his gourmet Taco sauce.

I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as Taco-snotting and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a circle-snot.

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is Taco-snotting?

Taco-snotting is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacos face, dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, Taco-snotting.

And if thats not bad enough

A circle-snot is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel, and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum spooging their jizz-snot all over each others faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyre covered head to toe with their own and each others man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.

To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each others spunk and whip each others pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?

Hopefully, but I wouldnt count on it.

To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the Willing to Snot checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and hes probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Theres no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so its probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacos sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to Willing to Snot. Maybe hell ignore you. Probably not.

I cant stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?

If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, he might leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?

Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some gourmet Tacos, but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his Commander out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.

CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, Open Sauce man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his monolithic kernel; his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their network stack in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about all those Censorware freaks out to get him.

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?

After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Im just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had a lot of built-up spunk in their wads I couldve easily been drowned!

Thats horrible. Does Taco-snotting have anything to do with CmdrTacos special taco?

No, thats a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice (emphasis added):

You may be wondering what CmdrTacos special taco is. You will be wishing that you hadnt been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his special taco, CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his Commander), puts his special taco sauce on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacos jizz?

After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacos nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victims ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new guy. Dont let it be you!

Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert CmdrTaco Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.

Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Hes also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile.

Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnt involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doest mean hes any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called juicy-douching with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boys urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boys chained, naked bodies. If hes in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.

Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arent enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goats anus. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goats small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

Are you getting hard writing this?

Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Im already CmdrTacos boi toi.


Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all hes done to make Slashdot a better place.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! (1)

FlyingGuy (989135) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215260)

He might not have the umph left to go and run the company day-to-day but he will be Chairman of the Board and will be the man behind the man, guiding, advising, teaching, mentoring and unless the guy drops dead in the next few weeks Apple will continue to be the innovator that it has been with him at the helm and perhaps even if he does it will still be.

When Steve dies, there will be a marble statue of him at the front door of Apple and Woz will put it up.

Re:Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215338)

He is ultimately going to the place he was stuffed last time in the 80s. He will of course be able to give his opinion and if they're smart they'll listen, but the position holds no real power other than shouting and screaming. If Apple disagrees with something, Steve has no real way to change it.

The board has no power? It's the same position? (1)

SuperKendall (25149) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215542)

The board has lots of leverage over a company since they can remove the chief officer...

It also means he'll be kept up to date, and able to give feedback on new products, just as he has been doing for a few years now as he reduced his workload.

As for it being the same as last time... last time he was replaced by people who didn't care what he thought, with someone who didn't care what he thought. He not only had no insight as to products but zero ability to say anything at all about anything and have him listen.

Now he could literally call anyone at the company if he were displeased about something and have a whole division turn on a bad leader if he felt like - although since he hand-picked AND hand trained the whole executive team there's only going to be small deviations from the way he would have done things, not totally wrong turns (or at least not any wrong turns he himself would not take).

Re:The board has no power? It's the same position? (1)

Billly Gates (198444) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215664)

He is also still chairman of the board of directors. Steve Jobs has the power to fire the CEO if he pleases as well as other board members too. That is what is different. It is more akin to someone managing the company for him while still being the owner.

I remember the first time CmdrTaco stepped down (5, Funny)

decora (1710862) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215290)

People said that slashdot couldn't survive without his inspiration. Boy, were they wrong. It wasn't a week after he left that OneSpot was brought on board, and with it's "Patented community ranking surfaces the best content for your audience" slashdot had "Increased revenue by 5 - 10% increased traffic".

Next thing you knew it, we were able to click through and buy all of our favorite products, right from the slashdot home page. Things like tips on trimming belly fat, and mortgages and student loans to online Military History PHD programs. It was like the shackles were finally taken off, and slashdot could really become what it was meant to be all along - a tech industry juggernaut!

Shareholders were so pleased, that the applauded the new CEO in a 10 minute standing ovation at the annual convention. Next came the integration with facebook, and the doing away with this whole 'anonymity' thing - long a bastion behind which trolls and troublemakers hid their identity in order to make pointless First Posts and disgusting comments about popular actresses. Facebooks 'real name' policy greatly increased the level of discourse on slashdot. Noted journalists from well respected networks like G4 were then able to come on slashdot without fearing a mass wave of heckling from the anonymous coward crowd.

It was good to see more actual tech reviews on slashdot. Instead of the political stuff - I mean do we really need another hipster whining about how corporations are responsible for everything from child malnutrition to global warming? - we got actual information about the latest products, like the Olympus PEN E-PM1 Mini or the Xbox 360 ESPN app. That is what I had always wanted in a tech site, and that is what we got more of when Malda left.

Things went great for a while. Profits were up, complaints were down. The site was harmonious, a word I picked up from a Chinese friend. You could finally browse slashdot for a whole day without seeing a single pointless flamewar. vi vs emacs? Who cares - we had all moved on to Eclipse and MSVC, hadn't we? These sort of 'beyond the pale' discussions got put right back where they belonged. Back in the pale.

Those were slashdots 'golden years'. Then Malda won the lottery in 2015 and came back. Oh the horror. It devolved back, back into the same tired old arguments and debates. People disagreeing with each other. Who wants to read that? All I want to know is which new plastic glowing box I am supposed to buy. Is that too much to ask from a website that advertises itself as News for Nerds?

Re:I remember the first time CmdrTaco stepped down (0)

Junior J. Junior III (192702) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215478)

Wish I had a mod point for you.

Re:I remember the first time CmdrTaco stepped down (1)

hqrdqa1 (1091885) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216028)


Re:I remember the first time CmdrTaco stepped down (1)

noahm (4459) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216268)

That's one of the best slashdot comments I can recall reading. And its complete lack of any real relevance makes it even better. I mean that in the best possible way. :D

Old news (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215312)

I know Slashdot doesn't quite have the reputation of posting articles in a timely fashion, but this is just ridiculous: this article was written _16_ years ago!

Re:Old news (1)

BlackTriangle (581416) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215328)


miss you (1)

mesafin3 (2446742) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215356)

Steve Jobs ! I miss you.

He Earned It. (1)

thatskinnyguy (1129515) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215424)

Love him or hate him, Steve Jobs has earned a retirement. The amount he has contributed in the way businesses are run and how things are designed and marketed far surpasses the contributions in the same areas as anyone in this internet backwater. He's in poor health and he needs to enjoy what time he has left. I wish him all the best.

Departure scene (4, Funny)

RevWaldo (1186281) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215528)

Apple headquarters, main boardroom. It is full of executives in suits and ties.

John Sculley: Right, all those in favor, say 'aye'.

(all hands go up)

Everyone: Aye!!

(Steve enters, wearing jeans, sneakers, and a denim shirt. His hands are full.)

Steve: Alrighty, folks, I got pizzas and Shastas. Now let's get this meeting started! (silence.) What?

Front of the building.

(Steve is bum-rushed out the front doors. Lying on the ground, a large duffel bag is tossed to him. )

John Sculley: Just take your 400 million dollars and get out of our sight!

(The doors close as the executives walk away inside. Steve gets up, brushes himself off, picks up the bag.)

Steve: (yelling at the doors) Fine! I don't need you guys anyway! I'm gonna start another computer company that'll knock Apple on its ASS! It'll have PostScript-driven grayscale displays! Magnesium casings! I'll sell 'em to colleges for $10,000 each! AND THEY'LL BE GLAD TO PAY IT!


Re:Departure scene (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37217032)

I think you meant:

Steve: (yelling at the doors) Fine! I'll go make my own computer company, with black jack and hookers. In fact, forget about the computer company and the black jack. Ah, screw the whole thing, I'll just go get a new liver.

American can be said (1)

nimbius (983462) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215530)

to be the only country capable of mourning the loss of a multi-billion dollar CEO for a multinational corporation.
There was a time in history when the passing of a CEO was the changing of the guard; no more amazing than the passing
of a fart.

If steve were truly the messiah of CEO's, kind and wise as only we see him, it would be an exception to the longstanding CEO rule of law.

the facts stand that steve is rich beyond measure, lives in a mansion, and quite likely as you mourn his loss does not give two shits about you
regardless of how diligent and loyal a brand-aware consumer you are.

Re:American can be said (3, Insightful)

Billly Gates (198444) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215640)

Do you even remember how Apple was viewed before 1997?

I brought a Mac magazine to school and was teased and laughed at. I was excited about the PowerPC processor and mentioned it was twice as fast. Basically the view was Apple sucked PCS RULE Apple was DYING bla bla. Only losers used macs. Cool kids used Windows and Compaqs etc. Here on slashdot I clearly remember Apple being made fun of as a DYING company using a DYing FreeBSD OS with the BSD is dying trolls reposted being modded up.

Steve Jobs created the iMac and changed that. He was very ballsy in creating MacOSX when it was so hurt on cash. He created the IPOD and almost created an mp3 player and music store monopoly overnight!

Today cool kids in highschool and college use Macs and the poor ones use wintels. Seriously Apple was a bad name for all but art majors in the 1990s. It was so opposite of today and no one could fix this.

Sure most CEO's are useless and stroke their egos and play golf and read email all day for waaaayyyy too much money. Steve Jobs is the only one I can think of who is well worth his salary. Apple went through 5 CEO's as it died slowly to all unstoppable Microsoft. Steve Jobs is a great CEO and is one of a kind.

Re:American can be said (0)

QuantumLeaper (607189) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215740)

I wouldn't say the 'cool' kids use Macs, but kids who have mommy and daddy buy their computer. If the kids have to buy the computer it tends to be a cheap PC laptop. Even 'poor' kids, try to get their parents to buy Macs for them, which is a lot of people don't have extra money today considering the state of the economy.

I would say Steve is worth his ONE dollar salary, though the perks are great like his plane which is valued at $40 million.

What if. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215570)

Yeah, it's the oohs and aahs of the distortion field that keeps these iPosts comin. I keep hearin how bad the PC world would be if Jobs didn't set things straight and fix it all. Well, I don't own any Apple products and I swear aloud whenever I have to fix one. You can keep all your what ifs and if he hadn'ts. I'll never load iTunes on any of my PCs. Open a iMuseum with iWax figures so all the iHoles have someplace to go when he eats dirt. Get it over with already.

They put the wrong Steve in charge. (1)

TxRv (1662461) | more than 3 years ago | (#37215656)

Apple under Jobs was a totalitarian regime with really good PR. The cult of personality Jobs built around himself and the trendy image they associated with their products made people ignore that Apple was doing the same things for which we all hate Microsoft and more.

Re:They put the wrong Steve in charge. (1)

RyuuzakiTetsuya (195424) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216058)

When has apple demanded OEMs ship their OS or else? When has apple tried to unilaterally decide on web technologies?

Re:They put the wrong Steve in charge. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216082)

Err, they refuse to allow flash on their products..

Re:They put the wrong Steve in charge. (1)

TxRv (1662461) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216644)

Wow. It's almost as if you take my dislike of Apple personally. You're like some Knight in Glossy Plastic Armour come to defend the honour of his greedy corporate Lady.

Anyway let's start off with:

When has apple demanded OEMs ship their OS or else?

First off, Apple is their own OEM, and their products obviously only ship with their own software. You can't buy a Mac with Linux or Windows on it. However, Apple's gone one further and said if you want to use OSX, you *must* to buy one of their overpriced machines. The EULA prohibits you from putting OSX on anything not made by Apple, and the OS is designed to not work with non-Apple computer architecture. There is the Hackintosh, but those don't count because most people don't have the time or skills to build one. Next!

When has apple tried to unilaterally decide on web technologies?

Like anon said above, Apple refuses to allow flash on iOS.

Now for the rest of the comparison. Both Apple and Microsoft take out patents on things that are not legally patentable (tell me how can you patent form factor? because that's what Apple is suing Samsung over). Both Apple and Microsoft also use costly court battles over those patents to quash competition. They both outsource production of hardware to sweatshops (Apple's actually worse than MS here; Foxconn, the factory that makes iPhones, had 14 suicides and 4 more attempts between January and November 2010 due to poor working conditions. The factory was also the epicentre for the Chinese worker strikes of 2010).

There are also some pretty awful things Apple does that Microsoft doesn't do. MS never kept employees locked up while they interrogated them individually for hours at a time over leaks like Apple did over the iPhone 4. MS doesn't switch phillips with tamper-resistant screws when they repair your electronics to keep you from changing batteries yourself. MS doesn't track your every movement with their smartphones. And MS doesn't try to pass its products off as a lifestyle like Apple does.

You're fooling yourself if you think Apple is anything but a giant corporation which cares about nothing but money.

Bring back Woz (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215660)

Maybe time to make the other Steve the head of the company, and see where it goes

Premature announcement (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215788)

I thought December 2012 was supposed to be the end of the world?

Steve Jobs cyborg? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37215974)

Steve Jobs should be made into a cyborg, so Apple can always keep him.

The winds of change.... (1)

metalmaster (1005171) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216010)

I was a bit shocked to hear that Steve Jobs resigned from Apple. What shocked me moreso is that I heard from a coworker that I wouldnt necessarily consider tech savvy. Jobs is the face of Apple; the personality. I can probably count on one hand the number of CEOs that are the public face of their company. Steve Jobs wasnt a corporate suit. In fact, he didnt wear a suit. His attire is often the butt of a joke. I guess the bottom line here is that Joe and Jane Public have heard of Steve Jobs.

Will the change of power change the company image as well? Will Apple become dull, grey and boring?

Apple will loses after Jobs Departure (-1)

riheo520 (2446236) | more than 3 years ago | (#37216588)

Watch the news at anytime Core Tip: Jobs phased out, it become the larget losser of Apple, the absolute genius of the CEO is a very scarce resource. Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced his resignation from Apple, Apple shares slid 5 percent, the market value of additional out of about $ 18 billion. U.S. $ 18 billion, What is the concept? Google's acquisition of Motorola's mobile spend 125 billion dollars, HP want to strip the world's largest PC business, valued at 120 billion U.S. dollars, Lenovo's market value of about $ 6.6 billion, a paper resignation statement in the capital market is almost evaporated three Lenovo, This is the value of Steve Jobs. Of course, Tim Cook, Apple fans will still blessing him, as well as the support of shareholders, however, Jobs gradually fade out, Apple is still one of the biggest losses - although the financial statements will not have a direct expression, because in a rapidly changing IT industry, the absolute genius of the CEO is a very scarce resource.

General Knowledge = general opinion (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#37216756)

First of all in app purchases were never pulled just guided through Apples system... best move ever no, but get ur dang facts right. And as for anyone of you who think Apples hardware is the sambas your other off the self intel based hardware then do some real research. Apples hardware is not your run of the mill Intel generic mono in a pretty case. Its custom designed all of it and it includes stuff that your "free" platform has been trying to bury for years because it profits some old money computer programmers. Like BIOS for example. EFI is the type of BIOS Apple uses. Its more flexible, all graphical, and runs quicker with the same capabilities plus more than traditional BIOS. Yet only now are the "big names" in pc bringing this to "main stream" machines. The combination of Apples hardware and software engineering achieves things no other manufactures do, PERIOD. And for those of you who hate Apple but have never had one then also you cannot say anything. Oh and if any of you are curious what might make me an authority on the subject... I repair computers for a living I own my own business and have work for several others. I do not receive 1 mac in 100 machines I repair and, I publicly advertise that I repair them. Its not being a Mac fan boy its not this its not that. It shouldn't be a war like you all make it to be. The facts are Macs have the highest quality rating in the industry on every product they make on a per product basis. They get rave reviews from journalists to customers and editors. Now on to the last part Steve Jobs is no god he is a psycho with more business sense than most of you can dream to ever have. I personally think he has been an ass yes and that also in doing that he has made a regime that all of you ...for those of you who have businesses, you should be taking notes cause in the last 13 years since he has been back and the decade before he left he made that company do miracle s*** that you better hope you can do to survive the American economy.

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