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Sources Say Meg Whitman To Become HP CEO

timothy posted more than 2 years ago | from the gossips-you-mean dept.

HP 277

MrCrassic writes "Looks like HP needed yet another remodeling, as they are tapping Meg Whitman to take Leo Apotheker's chair by this afternoon. From the All Things D article: 'Former eBay CEO Meg Whitman is poised to be named CEO of Hewlett-Packard later today after the markets are closed, said multiple sources close to the situation. The full board of HP, which is meeting today in Silicon Valley, has not officially voted on move and the situation could certainly change, but sources said it is nearly a done deal.' Cringely got this one right."

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277 comments

Bring back WebOS please (2)

Caratted (806506) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481398)

Maybe HP will actually try to compete with somebody, again.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481436)

Nah, too late for that now. Windows 8 will probably be a better solution.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (1)

Synerg1y (2169962) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481468)

Tablets run android and win 7 and soon win 8, why? -- all I have to ask of parent.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (1)

JWW (79176) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482134)

Because android's user interface on tablets is horrible and webOS's is way better.

And I'll just assume the windows tablet stuff you mention was a joke.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (1)

nxg125 (30911) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481570)

webOS is still around, though it's clear they don't know what the hell to do with it. Bring back the hardware, maybe?

Re:Bring back WebOS please (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482322)

With HTC publicly stating that they're looking to buy their own mobile OS and HP publicly stating that they're getting out of the hardware business, it seems like there's a pretty obvious solution to the "what to do with WebOS" problem.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (1)

spire3661 (1038968) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481586)

Its dead Jim


Sent from my Palm Pre Plus

:(

Re:Bring back WebOS please (2)

postbigbang (761081) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481866)

Worst. Idea. Ever.

You thought Carly was a disaster? Just wait. Someone needs to clean clock over there. Now.

Re:Bring back WebOS please (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482304)

Maybe HP will actually try to compete with somebody, again.

Last time I checked, all the HP TouchPads were already on eBay. Think of it as a merger of equals.

So the enxt question (1)

geekoid (135745) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481400)

Who is going o buy HP next year?

If you are an HP employee, I would seriously consider getting the hell out on your own terms, and soon.

Re:So the enxt question (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482032)

HP is coming to my campus in a week, and are offering a R&D job with a decent package

Are you serious when you say

 

If you are an HP employee, I would seriously consider getting the hell out on your own terms, and soon.

As it would imply that joining HP will not be a good idea at this time.
(They are offering about 10% more than other comapnies)

Re:So the enxt question (2)

bmo (77928) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482240)

You have to look a bit deeper than that.

The HP Way is dead. Inventing cool stuff is no more. That got spun off as Agilent. Now it's just another soulless corporation waiting to suck the soul right out of you.

And they're offering you 10 percent more for the privilege.

--
BMO

Really? Really? (5, Insightful)

bmo (77928) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481404)

Another "brand is everything, fuck product" CEO? Another CEO that never ventured anywhere near an engineering department or shop floor?

Another CEO that thinks selling technology is like selling colored sugar water? Another Scully, but for HP?

Short HP. Short it to 0.

--
BMO

Re:Really? Really? (5, Insightful)

squidflakes (905524) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481480)

I thought this article was posted on the Onion at first.

You know, this is why I need to land me that first CEO job. It seems that no matter how badly you fuck up, no matter how many pooches you screw, no matter how toxic you are to shareholder assets or confidence, and no matter how much of a buffoon you make of yourself, as long as you've been a CEO, you will always get hired.

It's who you know. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481670)

You know, this is why I need to land me that first CEO job.

It's all who you know. It's an exclusive club that won't just anyone in - kind of like an aristocracy.

Why, no one really thinks we're upwardly mobile in the US, do they?

If you think that you can be smart, work hard, and show ambition and get to that level, well, I have a lottery ticket from Nigeria that'll pay millions of dollars and all you have to do is send me $5,000 for fees and bribes and you can have the ticket because if I cash it in, I'll lose my spot as the next king.

Counter culture hippy to CEO of largest corp ... (1)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481896)

It's an exclusive club that won't just anyone in - kind of like an aristocracy. Why, no one really thinks we're upwardly mobile in the US, do they?

Yeah, some people actually think that an American hippy college dropout who's big ambition is to visit India on a quest for spiritual enlightenment could "grow up" and become the CEO of the world's largest (briefly) corporation. I have no idea why anyone would think something like that is possible.

Re:Counter culture hippy to CEO of largest corp .. (1)

Samantha Wright (1324923) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482318)

if we're talking about Steve Jobs, you've missed the mark; he's where he is because he's a ruthless narcissist [wikipedia.org] . When you're as driven as he is, you can make anyone accept anything.

Re:Really? Really? (0)

tacokill (531275) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481728)

Actually, what it tells me is that being a CEO is very difficult. Creating "shareholder value" is much easier said than done.

So go ahead and land that first CEO job. I hope you do. Really, I hope you do and are amazingly successful.

Just please don't pretend that it's easy. It isn't.

Re:Really? Really? (1)

w_dragon (1802458) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481994)

And she has proven that she isn't good at it, so why exactly do you think she's getting hired again?

Re:Really? Really? (3, Insightful)

0123456 (636235) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482232)

CEOs are kind of like movie directors. You're going to spend $100,000,000 on a movie, so do you hire the guy who's made a string of flops but also made one movie which made $1,000,000,000 profit, or do you hire the new guy who's never made a movie? If you hire director A and he screws up, you pass the buck onto them, whereas if you hire director B and he screws up, you take the blame.

We live in a society where leaders have been replaced with MBAs and empty-headed politicos who look good on camera, and rule number one is 'Pass The Buck!'. Once you realise that, most of the seemingly insane behaviour of modern 'leaders' makes perfect sense.

Probably not easy for you (1)

publiclurker (952615) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482180)

but what makes you think the original poster is a mindless stooge who only knows how to screw over others for a quick buck.

Re:Really? Really? (2)

daem0n1x (748565) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482230)

Well, creating shareholder value is easy. Just fire everyone you can, close as many departments as possible, collect your bonuses and leave the company before shit hits the fan. Business today is all about huge short-term profits.

Even a moron can do that. What is really, really hard is to get all the connections and friends that will land you on a job like this.

It's not what you know... (5, Informative)

jeko (179919) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481902)

...it's who you know.

I work for a company that supports other companies, so I get to see a lot. I've seen a few people succeed on merit. I've seen a lot more succeed on relationships. I've seen a wife hired as a technical team lead. Problem was, she literally knew nothing about anything. I mean, she couldn't even type. One of the junior engineers was assigned to "assist" her. She got all the title, credit, and salary. He took all the blame. She took her string of "successes" and moved on to a higher management position, having established her technical skills. He got saddled with a lousy reputation for screwups and had to start over at a different company. We got called in to put out the fires and clean up the messes and billed them like there was no tomorrow, so we kept rooting for the trophy wife.

I could also tell you about the son of a company president who destroyed a network, had his Dad call us, and then got all kinds of kudos for a brilliant job recovering and redesigning the company's infrastructure during a crisis. No one ever asked what caused the crisis, of course.

Like I said, we're "hired guns," and we get paid, so we're happy. But my college delusions of meritocracy and the rewards of hard work and skill have not survived contact with the real world. :-)

Re:It's not what you know... (1, Redundant)

Capt.DrumkenBum (1173011) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482138)

it's who you know.

I think it's who you blow.
Or:
Sometimes you have to give a little head to get ahead. :)

Re:Really? Really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481996)

Speaking of the Onion, I read the headline as Meg White was taking over as HP CEO... which would be a news worthy improvement to their management.

Re:Really? Really? (1)

smooth wombat (796938) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482206)

It seems that no matter how badly you fuck up, no matter how many pooches you screw, ... you will always get hired.

I have been saying the same thing for who knows how long, but I usually say, "They could film these people eating live babies and someone would still hire them because of their "experience"."

Of course, this is also the fourth way to be successful; be a failure. It seems the more you fail, the greater you are wanted.

In case you are wondering, the first three ways to be successful are be attractive, be able to sell ice cubes to Eskimos in January and blame someone else.

For some light reading [earthlink.net] and the answer to why you don't get anywhere. The fourth part I haven't added but I may make an addendum in the near future.

Nevermind the facts (1, Informative)

scottbomb (1290580) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481506)

"During her ten years with the company [eBay] she oversaw expansion from 30 employees and $4 million in annual revenue to more than 15,000 employees and $8 billion in annual revenue." - wikipedia.

Yeah, she really dropped the ball there.

Frankly, if I were her, I'd think long and hard before attaching my name to the trainwreck that is HP.

Re:Nevermind the facts (4, Insightful)

sunspot42 (455706) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481644)

Wait, the moron who bought Skype - and didn't bother to check to see if she was getting the patents - is going to somehow turn HP around?

Yeah. Right.

Meg Witless could barely run a taco stand, let alone HP. She made Carly Failorina look competent. eBay was a great idea - which she had nothing to do with - and Meg rode that idea along with the dot com boom to "success". Once the boom ended, so did eBay's growth. It's been pretty much stagnant since.

The only smart move eBay has made in the past decade or so was buying PayPal, and that was a no-brainer everybody and his brother suggested eBay do. Their attempt to become another Amazon has only succeeded in devaluing their core auction business.

Re:Nevermind the facts (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482178)

Didn't they buy Skype for 2.5b and sell for 8.5b? Am I missing something?

Re:Nevermind the facts (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482268)

The only smart move eBay has made in the past decade or so was buying PayPal, and that was a no-brainer everybody and his brother suggested eBay do.

Your sentiments are quite correct. Whitman was a brainless and awful CEO. All marketing and little else. However, the history of eBay and Paypal is a little more interesting than you've described it.

Under Whitman's urging, eBay tried to build their own-Paypal killer. It quite spectacularly failed. Paypal, despite brand success, was a disaster behind the scenes at the time. Massive customer support problems, all sorts of legal issues, and ropey finances. The merger between them and eBay was inevitable, and borne out of necessity. Paypal would probably have gone under in less than a year at that point.

Oddly, when the merger happened, most of the Paypal exec hierarchy took over eBay, and gradually ousted Whitman. The Skype deal disaster made it easy to finally get rid of her.

This is a simplified version of events, of course. And there's much, much more. But anyone who thinks Whitman was responsible for any of eBay's success is seriously misguided. She's not too smart, she's no respect for engineering, and she's extremely arrogant. As anyone who's worked for her will tell you.

Unless HP are just hiring her short-term to get their brand in the press, they're making a serious mistake in hiring her. And there will be better options to leverage their brand.

Re:Nevermind the facts (4, Insightful)

barc0001 (173002) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481674)

Building a website based company is completely different from running a hardware company. Witness Carly Fiorina's tenure for an example of how that goes, and even she was kind of selling hardware at Lucent. Ebay had no supply chain to deal with, HP is nothing BUT supply chain. Also, let's not forget that the explosive growth of eBay was one of these right place right idea right time once in a lifetime things.

Maybe she will auction off the parts ... (2)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481744)

Frankly, if I were her, I'd think long and hard before attaching my name to the trainwreck that is HP.

It all depends on what they want her to do. Oversee development, manufacturing, logistics and retailing of hi tech consumer products for a global market? Maybe she should think about it carefully. However if they want her to auction off the assets of HP then maybe she wouldn't need to think about it as much.

Re:Maybe she will auction off the parts ... (1)

PPH (736903) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482038)

If there are any parts [slashdot.org] left to auction by the time she gets moved into her corner office.

Leo must have seen this one coming [cringely.com] . In many companies, its common practice to have a security guard escort employees on their way out to make sure they don't sabotage something. Why not in this case?

Re:Maybe she will auction off the parts ... (1)

gtall (79522) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482136)

Because it would be easy to find him and sue his balls off, he has a lot to lose whereas joe-schmoe hasn't got squat.

Re:Maybe she will auction off the parts ... (1)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482244)

Golden parachutes are dependent upon proper behavior.

Re:Nevermind the facts (3, Informative)

s73v3r (963317) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481958)

Because that's the only metric to go on, right? To say nothing of the fact that she squandered $2.5 billion on Skype, she oversaw upheaval of the rules that led to mass exoduses away from eBay, and really just kinda rode the dot com boom up to the top.

Actually there is minimal risk (1)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482070)

Frankly, if I were her, I'd think long and hard before attaching my name to the trainwreck that is HP.

Actually there is minimal risk. HP is currently such a mess that if it fails on her watch many would accept the notion that it was inevitable, that HP was beyond the point of no return. However if she turns it around she may be viewed in a manner "comparable" to Steve Jobs 2.0 at Apple. As an investor may say, there is far more potential upside than there is potential downside.

Re:Really? Really? (2)

mewsenews (251487) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481524)

Someone in a previous article mentioned that Cringely predicted these events back in February:

http://www.cringely.com/2011/02/why-leo-apotheker-will-be-fired-from-hewlett-packard/ [cringely.com]

He said "Meg can knock back brewskies as well as any man and will probably fill those CEO shoes even better than Apotheker."

She will probably put the reins on the death spiral that Apotheker only accelerated.

Re:Really? Really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481802)

Dumbass karma whore: if the stock plummets to 0, you won't be able to cover your shorts and get your money back. The stock market is not a zero-sum game.

In all likelihood, your broker would cover your shorts for you well above the 0 mark. When they lend you those shares, they can take them back any time. And they will take them back when they start losing money, because they loaned them to you out of their own inventory.

Re:Really? Really? (2)

s73v3r (963317) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481924)

Fuck, if anything, HP needs a completely product focused CEO. Forget the sales, leave that to the President or one of the VPs. HP needs a CEO that is just going to focus on getting new, innovative, desirable product, and getting it out the door.

Re:Really? Really? (2)

yeshuawatso (1774190) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481938)

Brand is everything if you think about it. A brand is just the attributes that people use to describe your product or company. If you sell shitty product, then you'll have a brand of shitty quality products. Let's be honest, most consumers don't understand technology and even fewer can predict what's going to be the next big thing in tech, so consumers use brand to differentiate products and reduce selection complexity. They assume that the higher the price the better the quality, be damned if it doesn't work. Apple is a great proponent of brand utilization. Often times, their products are under specced and priced higher than the competition. Even though there are far technical alternatives that on a apples to apples comparison make Apple products look 5 years old, they price their products so high that only a select few can purchase them, the products become a status symbol instead of providing utility, and they develop a brand that equates to high quality. Real computer science nerds know the difference but the average soccer mom does not, nor do they care. If Meg can change HP's brand to be the high quality standard of beige boxes, then that's good for consumers and great for investors. If HP continues the strategy that they're getting out of the PC and consumer device market to focus on consulting, then she can develop the brand that SBU managers know and trust for their tech needs in the way we trust IBM and Accenture now.

Re:Really? Really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482362)

So why is this that at many colleges (UC Berkeley and Stanford are a couple good examples), do you see many of the CompSci faculty using MacBooks? Why is it that at many of the better known tech/software firms in Silicon Valley do you see many of the engineers using Macs?

Why do you think that a laptop priced in the 1K - 2K range is priced so that 'only a select few can afford them'? For someone who uses a computer for the majority of their work, the cost of hardware is trivial. Maybe the specs you are using for 'utility' are not so relevant when choosing a workstation computer for many people who can be fairly described as 'real computer science nerds'.

who cares (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481408)

let me find my care text...oh wait

Re:who cares (0)

Osgeld (1900440) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481904)

+1 whoopie shit

Dreamworks (3, Interesting)

mfh (56) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481412)

Most people don't know that Meg was with Dreamworks during their heyday and she directed eBay to some amazing success.

She's 100% awesome.

I think this is a great move for HP and I hope that she can fix the company that Leo Apthaker broke, mostly because I really like HP and I was really sad to see them going down the wrong path.

Dreamworks + eBay != HP (5, Interesting)

sirwired (27582) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481724)

The vast majority of HP's revenue comes from enterprise markets, which Meg Whitman has zero experience with. Any experience she might have had dealing with end users kind of got a bit less important when HP decided to ambiguously throw the PC division under the bus. HP makes both eBay and Dreamworks look like tiny, insignificant companies. And eBay already had pretty much a monopoly in online auctions since day one; all she did there was not screw it up. (She also bought PayPal, which turned out well, and Skype, which didn't.) By the time she left eBay, as a mature company, it was adrift with no path to growth. HP is already a mature company and any growth is going to have to come the hard way, which she doesn't have any experience with.

I'm not saying she can't pull it off, just that she has no background in HP's primary markets to help her along.

And it wasn't Leo that broke HP. That started with Carly, continued with Chainsaw Mark, and we simply have no idea what would have happened with Leo, since he hasn't had the job that long.

Re:Dreamworks + eBay != HP (1)

mfh (56) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481766)

all she did there was not screw it up

And you'll learn someday perhaps: that is all a good CEO does.

Re:Dreamworks + eBay != HP (1)

tonywong (96839) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482324)

I suppose you gave that advice to Steve Jobs and Lee Iaccoca as well.

HP began to die the day it bought Compaq (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481926)

After that it became stuck in the mud. A Sloth etc.
HP didn't know what to do with Compaq.
At the time, Compaq was in a mess because Compaq didn't know what to do with DEC's Consulting Business.
For example, we were being measured using the same metrics as if we were assembling PC's.
If that is not totally stupid then I'm not a grumpy old HP(Compaq(Dec)) pensioner.
Compaq walked away from some very protifable emerging markets. We were told 'They are to difficult to sell in'. Funny that, because the worked just fine for Dec.

The last 15+ years has been a total waste for HP. They should have killed Itanic years ago but HP was just too stubborn.

Bitter? Yep.

Re:Dreamworks + eBay != HP (4, Insightful)

Jawnn (445279) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482028)

The vast majority of HP's revenue comes from enterprise markets, which Meg Whitman has zero experience with.

OK, I just have to jump in here. CEO's, on the scale of businesses like HP, don't deal with end-users, enterprise or otherwise. They don't need "shop floor" experience, though that never hurts. They certainly don't need experience in this or that product line. What they do need, in spades, is the ability to pick the right people to work immediately under them. Product strategy isn't set in a vacuum by CEO fiat. HP's recent missteps positively reek of a cadre of VP's who are little more than "yes men", toadies who are unwilling to point out the emperor's nudity, or worse, who lack the chops to run their divisions. That HP missed so badly on their table execution demonstrates a failing far deeper than the myopic CEO who green-lighted a major product without realizing the gaping hole in it (no apps).

Maybe Meg can turn that around. First sign that she can will be a major shakeup at the VP level.

Re:Dreamworks + eBay != HP (1)

Beyond_GoodandEvil (769135) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482174)

OK, I just have to jump in here. CEO's, on the scale of businesses like HP, don't deal with end-users, enterprise or otherwise. They don't need "shop floor" experience, though that never hurts. They certainly don't need experience in this or that product line. What they do need, in spades, is the ability to pick the right people to work immediately under them. Product strategy isn't set in a vacuum by CEO fiat.
Actually, since what Leo did was try and remake HP as SAP, it does sort of happen by CEO fiat. Also Leo went with his strengths and experience, Meg will no doubt do the same, which is why HP will falter since Meg doesn't do the "vision thing".

Re:Dreamworks (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481934)

I think you're confused with what she has done to eBay. Many would suggest that she fucked it up pretty bad.

Re:Dreamworks (1)

k6mfw (1182893) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482336)

> and she directed eBay to some amazing success.

I'm not sure about this, yes ebay is amazing success but for who? It is no longer an online garage sale where individuals can easily sell things, it is now dominated by dealers with buy-it-now. I used to do a lot shopping on ebay (unique items whether it be Gina Lollobrigida photos or 2-way radio and accessories) when many sellers were simply people with things they want to unload. Nowadays it's all fulltime sellers listing same ol' same ol' over and over again. It's a Walmart model with 3,000 listings of same things that are sold below cost out of China (kinda scary when they sell new video cameras for pennies on the dollar).

I miss the old ebay where unique one-of-a-kind items can be found. Maybe they still exist but swamped with too much crap.

Captain Edward Smith (2)

jazman_777 (44742) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481416)

Titanic going down, replace the captain? That's how a committee / board thinks.

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

ceoyoyo (59147) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481592)

If the ship keeps hitting icebergs, you might want to look at the captain.

Re:Captain Edward Smith (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481742)

You might also want to look at the ocean.

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481772)

The captain being.... the world's worst board of directors?

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

ceoyoyo (59147) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482076)

They'd be the owners.

What they NEED is a captain who's willing to tell the owners to STFU, screw your schedule, you put me in charge for a reason and we're going to slow down because there are icebergs around.

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

nomadic (141991) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481698)

"Titanic going down, replace the captain? That's how a committee / board thinks."

What's the alternative?

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

jazman_777 (44742) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481750)

For the board to resign?

Re:Captain Edward Smith (1)

s73v3r (963317) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482006)

If the board resigned, then they can't really do anything to try and fix things. That's just them saying that this is going down, and they're getting the fuck out of there.

Can we bring back Hewlett and Packard (1)

xmas2003 (739875) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481424)

Hopefully Meg will work out well for HP ... but the revolving door CEO the last couple of years is pretty sad - gotta wonder about the Board and the whole pretexting scandal by Chairwoman Dunn was pathetic ... Hewlett and Packard must be rolling in their graves over all the drama at HP.

Re:Can we bring back Hewlett and Packard (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481656)

I believe HP Labs are working on resurrection.

Is this remotely possible? (3, Interesting)

jeffmeden (135043) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481470)

So HP, fresh on the heels of several disastrous CEO tenures, one of which happened to include a certain would-be politician running the company virtually into the ground, decides that hey it's time for a fresh attitude, let's find another failed female politician to come set things straight... Is there ANYONE at HP with a memory that goes back more than 5 minutes?

Re:Is this remotely possible? (1)

Jawnn (445279) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482098)

So HP, fresh on the heels of several disastrous CEO tenures, one of which happened to include a certain would-be politician running the company virtually into the ground, decides that hey it's time for a fresh attitude, let's find another failed female politician to come set things straight... Is there ANYONE at HP with a memory that goes back more than 5 minutes?

Hey, I bet Michelle Bachmann is about to be available, after running her train-wreck of a presidential campaign into the ground. She should fit right in at HP. Maybe she can figure out a way to sell tablets for less than $100 a pop. Oh, wait...

Re:Is this remotely possible? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482156)

Hey, I bet Michelle Bachmann is about to be available, after running her train-wreck of a presidential campaign into the ground. She should fit right in at HP. Maybe she can figure out a way to sell tablets for less than $100 a pop. Oh, wait...

Well she did promise $2/gal gasoline...

Re:Is this remotely possible? (1)

paperdiesel (809538) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482216)

Not that I'm a huge Meg fan, but what the hell does her being female have anything to do with it? Honestly, why the gender attack? Would hiring another male for the job have elicited the same "let's find another failed male politician" remark from you? No, didn't think so.

How about promoting from within? (5, Insightful)

Nichotin (794369) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481520)

So that you actually get someone who understands the company and the products, in that doesn't...

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

TheGratefulNet (143330) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481582)

HP sells printer ink, right? do they need so many people just to do that?

(HP was once great. sun was once great. so was DEC and so was SGI. now, all gone. what the hell happened to this world?) ;(

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

jeffmeden (135043) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481620)

HP sells printer ink, right? do they need so many people just to do that?

(HP was once great. sun was once great. so was DEC and so was SGI. now, all gone. what the hell happened to this world?) ;(

We have Apple... And Google. After all, what would the US do if there weren't a hefty demand for marketing executives? I mean shit, it's not like they can just take any old job.

Re:How about promoting from within? (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481648)

The MBAs took over.

Re:How about promoting from within? (2)

bmo (77928) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481770)

This.

So. Much. This.

"You don't manage people. You manage machines. You lead people" - RADM Grace Hopper.

--
BMO

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

JWW (79176) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482282)

oooooh, damn I wish I had mod points.

The entire concept that "Management" is a core discipline that someone can learn and then they can run _any_ type of company, even with no understanding of it whatsoever is one of the worst things to have come out of the 20th century, and looking at that century, thats really saying something.

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

barc0001 (173002) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481912)

HP sells ink, inkjet printers, laser printers, large scale printers and plotters, scanners, copiers, high end costs-more-than-a-porsche-copiers, servers, network equipment, big iron servers, SANs, and medical imaging devices. They're not in the same category as SGI or DEC as their product line is still broad.

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

gtall (79522) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482250)

Come to think of it, how is HP doing in those areas. Most of us are damning them for a revolving CEO and their PC madness. However, if the rest of their product line is holding their own, then maybe there's more to HP management than we've been telling ourselves.

That said, their printers have gone downhill. No doubt to keep up with the...what's Jones in Chinese...Wangs. Their mid-range line is built to last until the product warranty expires, but not beyond.

Re:How about promoting from within? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482252)

as well as laptops desktops and workstations both in the consumer and business class lines. I really enjoy working with the server and bladesystem offerings that HP has and there business support side is quite good, as well as there warranty and authorized service provider programs.

Re:How about promoting from within? (2, Insightful)

jandrese (485) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481756)

One of the problems with this strategy on failing companies is that the smart people realize early that the company is going down and get out. This accelerates the death spiral as only the deadweight remains, but also makes it difficult for someone internally to step up and save the company since anybody who could have done that left already. This is why failing companies need people from the outside to save them.

Re:How about promoting from within? (1)

royallthefourth (1564389) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481910)

If all the competent workers have already left, no CEO would be able to save the company because there's nobody left to actually get things done.
If the company is full of good workers, the only thing that will make them leave is bad management decisions.

The best management can do is stay out of the way.

Would be curious to know what board is thinking... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481556)

...and I mean that sincerely, not as in "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??"

Is booting Apothaker a rejection of his strategy to drop webOS and stop building PCs? Were they not consulted about that huge shift in direction beforehand? Do they want to continue the direction Apothaker has set, but feel the need to axe him to be the fall guy for an unpopular but (in their view) necessary decision? Does the board just reflexively fire the CEO once the rate of unpopular articles about HP reaches some threshold?

Re:Would be curious to know what board is thinking (5, Insightful)

MightyMartian (840721) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481732)

If I was an HP shareholder, right about now my first thoughts wouldn't be "should we fire the CEO"... it would be more along the lines of "this fucking board has got to go..."

For chrissakes, we're talking about one of THE great Silicon Valley companies here, a company whose printer line alone still commands the industry. It's like the entire leadership has gone completely insane.

Anybody want a 20 billion dollar company? (1)

tekrat (242117) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481640)

Selling it now cheap! Only a thousand bucks!

Seriously, there's nothing left here. Unless Meg has an amazing trick up her sleeve (and she doesn't), there's no saving this downward spiral.

Last I checked, she's just another MBA with no idea how to run a technology company. She's *not* Steve Jobs, who actually can bring a company back from disaster.

And that's what HP really needs. A Steve Jobs type, someone who can turn a company around and move it into a new market. HP has been, for more than a decade now a "me too" company with dwindling fortunes.

Unfortunately, "Steve Jobs types" are not easily discovered.

Re:Anybody want a 20 billion dollar company? (1)

bmo (77928) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481918)

Steve Jobs types have emotional capital invested in their companies.

They give a shit. It's not just a job. Steve Jobs came back aboard Apple with a One Dollar salary and no golden parachute. When he stepped down as CEO, Tim Cook didn't get a golden parachute either (he's gotta work for it for 10 years if he wants to be vested in a dime of stock). That's the way it should be done.

I defy anyone to find an MBA gun-for-hire that give a shit if a company fails or not, especially if there's a golden-parachute contract. I will bet you dollars to donuts that Meg Whitman's golden parachute is not only gold, but rhodium plated to boot.

--
BMO

Re:Anybody want a 20 billion dollar company? (1)

s73v3r (963317) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482054)

I have to say, that would be extremely interesting to see what Steve Jobs could do at HP. Even more interesting to see the competition between him at HP and his proteges at Apple.

Meg's first action (3, Funny)

prgrmr (568806) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481658)

will be to announce that HP will accept payments only in the form of major credit cards or PayPal.

Stock tip (1)

Wireless Joe (604314) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481666)

Get your HP short positions in order!

HP, the Lehman Brothers of Tech (1)

wsanders (114993) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481800)

I'm just going to assume HP is some kind of fraudulent enterprise at this point. Although I doubt there is any left there who is clever enough to pull off another Enron or Lehman Brothers.

What HP needs? (3, Interesting)

MarkvW (1037596) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481708)

HP (not Hewlett-Packard anymore) needs an inspired engineer or two--with dominant shareholdings--to run the company. They will never get that. They will die. RIP HP.

A company populated with brilliant hardware engineers would be well-positioned to make a fortune as the robotic age dawns. That kind of HP is dead.

Their leadership is dead. Their board is just a bunch of greedheads looking ahead only as far as the next quarter's stock price.

Re:What HP needs? (2)

Da_Biz (267075) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481914)

HP is already dead: they died when they turned their backs on what Bill and Dave said in "The HP Way".

To me, the _real_ HP (engineering and innovation focused, not the "brand machine" someone mentioned earlier in this thread) is Agilent.

Meg Whitman (5, Funny)

Kabloink (834009) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481720)

Gr8 ceo,xcellent profit maker ,highly recommend AAA+

What's with HP and the hard-right republican CEOs? (2, Funny)

Magnus Pym (237274) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481808)

Didn't both Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman run as tea-party candidates last year?

Re:What's with HP and the hard-right republican CE (1, Interesting)

s73v3r (963317) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482066)

Not full tea party candidates, as that would never really fly in California.

EDS to be its own company a third time? (1)

Quila (201335) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481826)

Bought by GM in the 80s

Spun off into its own company in the 90s

Bought by HP in the 2000s

And now? We're in the next decade, time for something to happen. Will this be some kind of a record?

Whitman announces stunning strategy shift at HP (1)

twoears (1514043) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481916)

In related news, HP's soon to be not yet CEO Meg Whitman announced a plan to spin off every line of business in HP's portfolio but calculators. "We see a tremendous opportunity in handheld calculating devices," Whitman stated, in a not actually quite yet a CEO interview with selected members of an online calculator forum. "The value of physical buttons cannot be over-emphasized. Take that, iPhone!"

In separate interview, almost pre-announced HP CEO Meg Whitman announced a patent suite against Google, Oracle, Microsoft, Facebook and IBM. Two patents are at issue. The first describes a "method and apparatus for summing two numbers." The second concerns "A cookbook recipe for making calculator keys feel nice and clicky without necessarily indicating a successful registering of the keystroke."

The announcement was coupled with a new video depicting Google CEO Eric Schmidt as a bizarrely garbed wolf among a flock of hapless calculator toting sheep.

(credit to Howard Owen)

Everyone loves Mr. Potato Head (2)

forgot_my_username (1553781) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481956)

According to Wikipedia:
As Hasbro's Playskool Division General Manager, she oversaw global management and marketing of two children's brands, Playskool and Mr. Potato Head starting in January 1997. She also imported the UK's children's television show Teletubbies into the U.S.[17]

NOT ONLY Mr. Potato Head, BUT teletubbies too!!

I can not think of someone better qualified to bring HP out of it's nose dive... than the manager of Mr. Potato Head's manager.
Clear sailing for HP

Man, I really hope HP can pull it out... it was always one of my favorite companies, oh well...

It's the board that needs to go (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37481960)

It's the board that approved the mistaken purchases, the board that perpetuates this isanely rapid thrash of CEOs. I don't believe she's anywhere close to being the right person, but more, I don't believe that rapid major changes of direction and leadership are anything close to sane.

US Jobs and Meg Whitman (1)

rderoko (1116609) | more than 2 years ago | (#37481964)

Well, there go more US Jobs overseas ! Seems HP is bent on self distruction.

Practical use (1)

davidbrit2 (775091) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482128)

You can use your newly released HP 12c Anniversary Edition (or 15c Limited Edition) to calculate how much stock you want to sell and/or short. Hopefully the company doesn't tank and take the calculator division with it before selling it off.

Executive Summary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37482132)

Controlled flight into terrain

All I know (1)

ThatsNotPudding (1045640) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482152)

is that she best not cancel my Sargasso Sea-becalmed TouchPad order, or I will get plumb sideways with righteous fury.

My condolences to the HP employees (1)

quax (19371) | more than 2 years ago | (#37482248)

The HP board really knows how to pick 'em, doesn't it?

It is a testament to the employees resourcefulness that HP is still as strong as it is after this remarkable serial abuse by incompetent top management. Not sure how much more abuse the company can take.

Good luck!

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