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Iran Tried and Failed To Launch a Monkey Into Space

timothy posted more than 2 years ago | from the hard-thing-to-get-right dept.

Space 272

Medevilae writes with a recent report from PopSci's dedicated 'space monkey' news feed that "When Iran indefinitely suspended its plans to launch a monkey into space earlier this month, it was actually because they had already tried and failed. Iranian Deputy Science Minister Mohammad Mehdinejad-Nouri told state media that the Kavoshgar-5 rocket carrying a capsule with a live monkey launched during Shahrivar, which is the Iranian month spanning August 23 to September 22, but the launch was not publicized because it did not accomplish all of its mission objectives. Assuming one of the objectives was to safely carry the monkey to space and back, things don't sound good for the monkey."

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Failed to launch a monkey? (5, Funny)

Oswald McWeany (2428506) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749412)

They failed to launch a monkey?

Does that mean Ahmadinejad is still on Earth?

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (0)

noems (942524) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749448)

you beat me too it....

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (0)

flanders_down (2424442) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749582)

you beat me too it....

Damn, he was quick.

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750108)

But....still too slow to beat Jay Leno - who told the joke first. Lame

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (0)

ByOhTek (1181381) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749560)

Given they tried to launch, I suspect the rocket crashed.

Obviously they have some seriously advanced tech, since the monkey not only survived, but could talk to state media about it within a month or two.

Who knew that Iranian technology in crash safety was so advanced?

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (4, Informative)

ByOhTek (1181381) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750186)

To the mods, that is not racist, Ahmanedijad, or however you spell that fucktards name, is the only Persian I have that opinion of. Given I've run into quite a few Persians (Iranians) with that opinion of him also, I wouldn't call that racism, just an idiot who likes to wave his arms around like a fool... and fling poo.

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749618)

Only in body...

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749998)

I'm pretty sure he's still around. We just don't have that kind of luck in Iran right now!

Re:Failed to launch a monkey? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750040)

They were going to send up a Mexican drug cartel guy, but he got diverted to another mission.

the monkey was quoted as saying (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749414)

lol. What a Muslim shit hole.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (0)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749712)

Take your prejudice elsewhere AC troll. While it may possibly be a shit-hole, it has nothing to do with their state religion.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (3, Informative)

Jawnn (445279) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749762)

Places with a "state religion" (which particular religion doesn't matter) are, by definition, shit holes.

Like Norway! (2)

alexander_686 (957440) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749878)

Where, by default, you get baptized as Luthern!

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749882)

That includes one nation under god.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

slim (1652) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749908)

You've just called the UK a shithole. Thanks.

Also, Canada, Costa Rica, Liechtenstein, Malta, Monaco, Greece, Denmark, Iceland, Norway.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_religion [wikipedia.org]

Furthermore, although I do disagree with state religion, it's not all that defines a country. I'm certain Iran has some areas of outstanding natural beauty, magnificent architecture, foot, culture etc.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749926)

UK is a shithole because you limey derps prosecute victims of crimes for acts of self-defense and let the perpetrators sue.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

slim (1652) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750016)

Well, nowhere's perfect. You yank derps execute innocent people.

Although the in the most recent UK case of a homeowner killing an intruder, the homeowner was released without charge.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (2, Insightful)

SpasticWeasel (897004) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750088)

Yes, but usually in Texas or some other shit hole.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750180)

Stay in California, you douche-bag liberal hipster.

That's right. I hyphenated douche-bag.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

networkBoy (774728) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750260)

Yes. See the entire US isn't a shithole. The shithole part of the US is over there [/waves hand]. I'm over here [/waves other hand] where it's all better and we are enlightened*. But really when you think about it [/flails arms] the whole world is a shithole compared to us, and that's because we had George. George was a great man. He made people happy. George saved the world, then he died and the world turned back to a shithole. George also was an awesome narrator for Thomas the Tank Engine.

~
-nB
* ok, not really [/hangs head] I live in California, where we are on the bullet train to socialism and bankruptcy as fast as we can go.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

khr (708262) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750068)

I'm certain Iran has some areas of outstanding natural beauty, magnificent architecture, foot, culture etc

Foot?

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

Mike Hock (249988) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749942)

you forgot to say "god bless america"

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749950)

By definition? Not necessarily, Scotland, Italy, Finland, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Iceland, Norway all have state religions(amongst others). While some may argue that some of those countries are shitholes, very few people would argue that they all are.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (3, Informative)

Millennium (2451) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750048)

Places with a "state religion" (which particular religion doesn't matter) are, by definition, shit holes.

Most places actually have a state religion, including some that I'd question if you actually intended to call them shit holes. I'll leave the naming of them to the other replies in this thread. Some even have several state religions going at once. American-style separation of Church and State is, relatively speaking, actually quite an unusual state of affairs.

That said, many of these places have both a state religion and religious freedom. These are not incompatible.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

GameboyRMH (1153867) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750280)

Agreed. GP should have said it has nothing to do with their particular state religion.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

geoffrobinson (109879) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749768)

I would think their brand of their religion, given that it is a theocracy, has a good bit of bearing on their conditions.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749870)

They may be overlapping sets. However just because all dogs have 4 legs, doesn't mean that all animals with 4 legs are dogs.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1, Troll)

Dishevel (1105119) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749910)

Don't you start in with all your facts and shit.
Remember.
No one is allowed to judge anyone else.
You shall from this moment on assume all people / countries / religions / companies are equal.
They are not "Created" equal. They ARE equal.
Judgement based on facts is unfair.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (1)

Mike Hock (249988) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749890)

I disagree, sir. I think their DOG religion has a lot to do with their current situation.

Re:the monkey was quoted as saying (2)

rickb928 (945187) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750214)

"While it may possibly be a shit-hole, it has nothing to do with their state religion"

This sounds even more stupid the more I read it. Whoosh.

Congratulations for trying! (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749422)

How many countries just rely on someone else to do the space thing for them?

Re:Congratulations for trying! (1)

swanzilla (1458281) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749732)

How many countries just rely on someone else to do the space thing for them?

The monkey space thing? Roughly 200.

Re:Congratulations for trying! (4, Insightful)

durrr (1316311) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749816)

All that have no ballistic nuclear missile cravings.

Orbital rockets can easily be repurposed to ICBMs
Home brewed nuclear reactors are a good step on the way to manufacturing nukes.
Having a dictatorship ruled by religious fundamentalists of the worst kind is, when combined with the above, a good starting condition for world war 3 or at the very least an actual nuclear war.

Not to be paranoid or anything, but it's pretty damn obvious that they want some serious military tools as a byproduct of their Glorious National Proudness Programs.

Re:Congratulations for trying! (1, Troll)

wisnoskij (1206448) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750082)

I would not call another country getting nukes a precursor to WW3 if anything it is a preventative measure.

Sure one country having nukes could start WW3, since it now holds all the cards and can do whatever it wants to other countries without fear of losing but in a very real way multiple countries having nukes prevents WW3 because either everyone is afraid of using them and there is no war or everyone/some of them use them and there is no war just mass genocide.

"Having a dictatorship ruled by religious fundamentalists of the worst kind"
Yes I also worry about the USA, a very frightening country.

Re:Congratulations for trying! (1)

starmonkey (2486412) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750224)

Your post could be applied to the USA. There was something once said about a pot and a kettle... Not saying that Iran is doing something good. Just saying they're as evil as the USA. Countries with these kinds of policies will lead to the destruction of civilization, one day.

Re:Congratulations for trying! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750276)

The fact this comment isn't at +5 is scary. I'm amazed at how many people don't know the entire point of the US space race was equal parts of ICBM development and political propaganda. First and foremost, the US space race was about ICBM development.

Any country which isn't a democracy, or worse, a non-secular government, should be feared. Any such government who is actively chasing space is endangering the entire world. Just as with all previous cases, such develop is purely to be able to nuke any place on the planet.

As you rightly point out, if Iran doesn't stop this shit, they likely will be the cause of WWIII which may very well escalate into nuclear war; or at least an limited nuclear exchange.

Anyone who is in favor of Iran obtaining such launch capabilities is no friend to peace or humanity.

Re:Congratulations for trying! (4, Informative)

RDW (41497) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750022)

How many countries just rely on someone else to do the space thing for them?

Well, they certainly have some catching up to do. The first 5 US missions of this type didn't exactly end well for the passengers:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkeys_in_space#United_States [wikipedia.org]

and the first 'successful' Soviet dog in orbit trip didn't even include 'bring it back alive' as a mission objective:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laika#Controversy [wikipedia.org]

Pray for Mojo ... (1)

xleeko (551231) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749436)

I can't wait to eat that (now toasted) monkey!

And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749438)

The key question is, what sort of monkey? :) On the serious side, it may indicate their current launch capacity, There's a big difference between a capuchin and a chimp. Yes I know a chimp is an ape, but in common usage they're frequently referred to as a monkey.

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749444)

I normally would RTFA first, but it appears that TFA is on a broken link.

Re:And (1)

Oswald McWeany (2428506) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749486)

The article doesn't say it merely refers to a "monkey".

It shows a picture of an American chimp at NASA- but doesn't say that the Iranians were launching a chimp.

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749518)

The article has already been slashdotted for me, so I can't check.

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749538)

Ah wait, no. It's redirecting me to the *.com.au subdomain.

Re:And (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749834)

It shows a picture of an American chimp at NASA- but doesn't say that the Iranians were launching a chimp.

That explains why they called the mission off. After seeing that photo, Ahmadinejad became convinced that the monkey was a Jewish American spy, probably one of the original team that faked the 9/11 attacks.

Re:And (1)

Oswald McWeany (2428506) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749464)

You would hope that PopSci, and all the other major news organizations that reported on this would know that a chimp is not a monkey.

I think even the dumbest journalist should know that a chimp isn't a monkey.

However, I don't know that Iran ever said what species they were launching. It could be there is no difference in translation and monkey/ape don't have seperate words.

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749490)

That was what I was expecting, a potentially bad translation or a lack of distinction in the original language (Farsi?).

Re:And (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749542)

or maybe nobody really gives a flying chimp about the difference? honestly, if it were actually a monkey they tried to send into space, would the story be different? didn't think so.

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749616)

1 kilo worth of monkey vs 70 kilo worth of ape, plus the associated life support and return capability? Yes, it makes a big difference as to their capabilities. Are you ignoring the point I implied or...?

Re:And (1)

paiute (550198) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749628)

You would hope that PopSci, and all the other major news organizations that reported on this would know that a chimp is not a monkey.

I think even the dumbest journalist should know that a chimp isn't a monkey.

However, I don't know that Iran ever said what species they were launching. It could be there is no difference in translation and monkey/ape don't have seperate words.

In Iranian, monkey/ape/woman are the same noun. Even mullahs care about cute little monkeys - they might not have risked one of those.

Re:And (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749752)

http://translate.google.com/#en|fa|ape%20%0Amonkey%0Achimpanzee%0Achimp%0Agorilla

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750000)

Wow, a useful AC. According to that link, ape and monkey translate to the same word.

Re:And (1)

aenea (34844) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749788)

I'm actually wondering why launch a monkey at all. Or even a chimp. I think we're pretty sure at this point that no one is going to die from the space vapors or the orbiting hordes of vacuum leaches. What sort of telemetry do they get from a monkey that you can't get from a sensor package?

Re:And (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749996)

Less condemnation/embarrasment and no loss of trained astronauts if the mission fails at the equipment proving stage.

Re:And (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750086)

if you got a monkey onboard you can claim that it's not a ballistic missile launch.

Re:And (1)

ae1294 (1547521) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750126)

I'm actually wondering why launch a monkey at all. Or even a chimp. I think we're pretty sure at this point that no one is going to die from the space vapors or the orbiting hordes of vacuum leaches. What sort of telemetry do they get from a monkey that you can't get from a sensor package?

Shit return...

Re:And (1)

Millennium (2451) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750228)

Iran doesn't appear to be reusing old American or Russian vehicles (though they do seem to be using a Russian rocket), but actually building one of their own. A new vehicle needs to be tested; although there may not be "space vapors" or "vacuum leeches", there are still plenty of hazards in space that a vehicle needs to be able to handle.

Using a monkey is a basic safety check: can the vehicle deal with said hazards well enough that something with very similar physiology to a human can survive a trip to space in it? If so, then an actual human will probably also be able to survive, and so you can proceed to that stage.

Re:And (1)

rickb928 (945187) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750244)

All the stuff that isn't published by the states that HAVE launched lifeforms successfully.

Oh, and all the stuff about the return. That's important too.

Gosh... (4, Funny)

thestudio_bob (894258) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749450)

I hope it wasn't Michael Nesmith. He was my favorite.

Re:Gosh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749608)

I hope it wasn't Michael Nesmith. He was my favorite.

I was always more of a Peter Tork fan myself.

Re:Gosh... (2)

CraftyJack (1031736) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749778)

Let's not beat around the bush: We're hoping it was Mickey.

Re:Gosh... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749962)

I was hoping it was Davy. I was always jealous of the attention he got.

But fear the nukes! NOT! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749472)

and yet, 'The West' (I'm a westerner) fears Iran can strike Europe and the US with nukes?

LOL!

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749504)

Australia's military budget is larger in dollar terms than Iran's... I guess that means that Australia is a bigger threat than Iran. (Yes, I'm being facetious).

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749636)

Threats to Iran: Israel, Russia (sometimes), the United States (often)

Threats to Australia: sheepfuckers from New Zealand.

Iran knows it has it bad, but it thanks Allah that it isn't Australia.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (5, Funny)

Gideon Wells (1412675) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749738)

Austrailia, if there is one location that if an Old/Elder God were to actually exist it is that god forsaken continent. The continent where even rabbits can turn into an ecosystem destroying menace, dogs become child eating beasts and spawned creatures so outlandish that professionals refused to believe were real till a specimen was captured alive (platypus).

Mark my words, that military spending is well deserved. Australia will laugh when the giant stone cover (Ayers' Rock) lifts up off of the casket of Vampire Cthulhu.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749774)

You forgot that in addition, toads can become a mass extinction threatening nightmare.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

operagost (62405) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750104)

All that, and the craptastic government expects people to fend off attacks from bitey, poisonous monsters with knives and break-action shotguns.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

Dexter Herbivore (1322345) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750178)

Unfortunately, private gun ownership is discouraged here... so it's mostly knives.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

Oswald McWeany (2428506) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749524)

Iran doesn't have nukes (yet).- but they certainly have missiles capable of reaching Israel (whom our countries count as an ally).

They could hit Turkey (who want to be part of the EU).

They could certainly hit their neighbours- Saudi Arabia, also nominally an ally of ours- and don't forget they just had one of the ambassadors of that country slain.

There is the whole Sunni, Shiite (sp?) split... y'know kinda how Protestants and Catholics were killing each other for centuries.

Iran doesn't have to hit us to bring us to war. They don't have to hit us to disrupt our oil supply and way of life.

Iran does have the capacity to be a major PITA if they get hold of nukes.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

Riceballsan (816702) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749666)

Heck even something like this can cause instability. One of their neighbors see's a large "missile" launch from iran, or one of these rockets crash lands on soil of a neighbor and either the neighbor fears it is in attack and pre-emptively counters, or there's an argument over who gets the wreckage. As Iran's technology rises, the probability of a war involving them in the near future approaches 100%. Especially if they are not announcing a project like this to make people aware of what they are attempting. Actually you know it would be kinda funny if it turns out that the first mission failed due to anti-aircraft fire from the US or another neighbor.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

2fuf (993808) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749686)

I'll have my eggs Sunni Shiite up on a PITA bread, please.

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

SJHillman (1966756) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749528)

It's a lot easier to lob something on a ballistic trajectory than it is to send into space and bring it *safely* back down

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (2)

JoeMerchant (803320) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749532)

Fear the container ship... it doesn't move as fast, but it can conceal plenty of shielding....

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (1)

elrous0 (869638) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749860)

No, they're just sending a message. Every since that stupid "Axis of Evil" speech from George Dumbass, Iran has been freaking out over the possibility of U.S. invasion. Developing nukes and launch capacity is their way of saying to the U.S. and Israel "Don't even THINK about it."

Re:But fear the nukes! NOT! (2)

fotoflojoe (982885) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749886)

and yet, 'The West' (I'm a westerner) fears Iran can strike Europe and the US with nukes?

LOL!

They are indeed able to strike the west with nukes. However, their ability to strike with monkeys is seriously in doubt.

Timmy !!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749498)

Does this mean the folks over at ThinkGeek are deep in mourning???

Probability... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749534)

Maybe one of those random Shakespeare monkeys should have engaged the probability engine. Then things would have been "42"...

steve the monkey (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749612)

and why don't they dedicate 5 pages on wired for the death of this monkey?
i believe that this monkey contributed more to mankind than mr Jobs :P
RIP dear monkey..

Aladdin is going to be pissed (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749622)

Can I kiss the monkey? ACK! Hairball!

Why on Earth... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749630)

would Iran launch their president into space?

Re:Why on Earth... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749918)

would Iran launch their president into space?

Maybe they should launch the US president into space.

We know that that monkey deliberately murdered someone. Or we could pair it up with the dumb monkey that came before it, his vice monkey too, make it a threesome. Sure, send up the torturing war mongering monkeys.

How about sending up all those anal raping Wall Street fat cat monkeys?

The only risky part would be a safe landing.

more bananas please.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749692)

I guess they forgot to put bananas in the capsule

recycled joke time. (4, Funny)

Darth_brooks (180756) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749708)

Where'd the monkey take his vaction? All over Tehran!

What color were the monkey's eyes? Blue. One blew north, the other blew south....

Iranian NASA. Needs Another Simian Astronaut

Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (-1)

slim (1652) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749744)

There's a couple of these on /. already, plus one poster eager to point out that he was beaten to it.

Are these just unreconstructed racism, or am I missing something? ... and on TFA, someone makes an Obama / Monkey comment in the same vein. Tsk.

Seriously, WTF? It's 2011.

I'd bad enough that I have to call this stuff out, before moving on to the anti-islamic sentiments. BAD Slashdotters. >:(

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749772)

I think (or hope) calling that guy a monkey has more to do with his behaviour, rather than his religion or race

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (1)

Anomalyst (742352) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749842)

Even more likely, that he is a politician.

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (5, Informative)

genjix (959457) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749966)

OK, I hold an Iranian passport and have been in and out of Iran many times.

People in Iran do not like Ahmadinejad. One of the many insults is to call him a monkey because he is a half-wit. Same as how George Bush got the monkey insults.

Nothing to do with race. Just that he's a simple fool in charge of an entire country.

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (1)

slim (1652) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750042)

OK, accepted.

I was going to say that "monkey" isn't a common insult doled out at white idiots. But then I remembered Steve Bell's cartoon version of George Bush. [blogspot.com]

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (1)

LanMan04 (790429) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750318)

I'd rather they like Ahmadinejad than the Supreme Leader. Ahmadinejad is a moderate compared to that guy.

Re:Ahmadinejad / Monkey jokes (1)

Gertlex (722812) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750026)

I'm pretty sure we spent most of 8 years calling our own (US) president a monkey in political banter.

I do in fact have a mental image of his ranting being like a crazy monkey.

monkey see, monkey do (1)

Nyall (646782) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749806)

Who's the Jerk who sold a bunch of monkeys to Iran ?

Bad News (1)

should_be_linear (779431) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749820)

I always hope every country reach their objectives when it comes to space exploration, and Iran is no exception. I hope their next missions will be more successful.

Re:Bad News (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749986)

Isn't that a bit of an extremist stance? I mean, there are plenty of people who would do bad things with space exploration tech. I think the responsible line is somewhere between "only MY nation gets to explore space" and "EVERY nation gets to explore space".

Cue Robot Chicken! (1)

Greyfox (87712) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749822)

Monkeys in Outer Space! [adultswim.com]

Uh oh.. (1)

JayPee (4090) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749930)

Hopefully there wasn't any monkey business on the pad before the launch, causing the failure...

Re:Uh oh.. (1)

JayPee (4090) | more than 2 years ago | (#37749956)

Man, that mission control is probably more fun than a barrel full of monkeys...

pride before fall? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37749948)

I'm not so sure some of the smug remarks are justified.
The Iranian dude can always snicker about the 'monkeys' on the Challenger and Columbia that didn't quite make it back.

Anybody monkeying (groan) with the software? (2)

wisebabo (638845) | more than 2 years ago | (#37750134)

Just wondering if some embedded controller somewhere had been hacked. It seems the Iranian space program would be an obvious target for some unfriendly foreign government to try to cripple. Even if (when?) the Iranians get the bomb they'll need some means of delivering it.

I would imagine it'll be too big to send via diplomatic pouch and their air force is completely outclassed by their main adversaries in the region (Israel and Saudi Arabia). (I don't know if those countries air forces could knock down a low-flying cruise missile, I'd think the cities and oil installations on the gulf might be indefensible). Despite having a few subs, I'd imagine the U.S. Navy tracks them very closely, still a short range attack by mini-subs or suicide speedboat might be possible.

So that leaves space. With their "military" space program being watched very carefully, it appears there will be some sort of ABM system covering U.S. Allies and Europe before they have an intermediate range missile capable of delivering a nuke. That's where their "civilian" program could conceivably come into play. A nuke placed IN ORBIT could go the "long way around" thus avoiding the theater defenses currently being built. Of course the U.S. has anti-sat weapons but they may not cover every approach especially if the weapon deorbits before completing even one revolution. (And it's pretty clear that the U.S. doesnt have the specially equipped F-15 fighters all over the world to cover its allies.).

Finally, who's to say that the U.S. will even know what to shoot down? The Iranians may say they've just launched a monkey into space only to reveal later (maybe MUCH later) that the capsule carrying the presumably now-dead monkey actually has a nuke instead. Even if the U.S. decided to shoot on sight any Iranian "satellite" that started acting funny over the U.S. mainland, it could be too late. An EMP blast before the ASAT weapon gets to it could prove pretty devastating.

That, by the way, is why the Outer Space treaty was put into place; having nukes in orbit was far too destabilizing and would have led to the world being just seconds away from WWIII (instead of the current approximately 30 minutes). Of course if the Iranians are going to ignore the non-proliferation treaty, who's to say they'll honor any others?

So there's a real incentive to deny the Iranians access to orbit. Anybody writing a James Bond script about this?

The real reason they suspended... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750146)

Is that the monkey came back to earth super intelligent.

I for one, welcome our furry sapiens overlord!

Hey, great! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#37750172)

According to Space Nutters, a space program brings all kinds of progress and benefits to a society. Maybe they'll move to Iran now?

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