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The Most Dangerous Toys of 2011

samzenpus posted more than 2 years ago | from the general-tron's-secret-police-confession-kit dept.

Christmas Cheer 292

theodp writes "If you've procrastinated on your Xmas shopping this year, fear not: Gawker's just published its tongue-in-cheek 2011 Top Picks for Gifts That Maim or Poison Children. Until President Nixon enacted the first national safety standard for playthings with the Toy Safety Act in 1969, the toy industry was pretty much anything-goes. As a result of the legislation, children may live longer, but they'll never know the joys of many beloved-but-dangerous classics, including Zulu Guns, Jarts, and Clackers."

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292 comments

Want! (5, Funny)

ackthpt (218170) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392044)

What sort of psychology are they playing at here?

When I was a wee lad we have to burn ourselves with Thing-makers, pinch fingers in gears of Erector sets and poison ourselves with Chemistry sets. Kids today have it much harder.

It's an arms race.. (5, Funny)

PopeAlien (164869) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392102)

They keep making safer toys we keep making more dangerous children.

Re:It's an arms race.. (4, Funny)

davester666 (731373) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393236)

To think, not so long ago, my siblings and I were all lobbing lawn darts at each other, yet we all lived and didn't even lose an eye.

Surviving lawn darts (5, Funny)

perpenso (1613749) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393366)

To think, not so long ago, my siblings and I were all lobbing lawn darts at each other, yet we all lived and didn't even lose an eye.

Of course only those of us nimble enough to dodge are here to make and read these lawn dart posts. :-)

Re:Surviving lawn darts (2)

QuantumLeaper (607189) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393638)

Someone will have to pry my Jarts out of my cold dead hands. I am really glad, my family kept them, I found them a couple of years ago in a box.

Re:Surviving lawn darts (5, Funny)

hey! (33014) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393836)

Someone will have to pry my Jarts out of my cold dead hands.

HAHAHA! Oh, wait. That was intended to ironic, wasn't it?

Re:Surviving lawn darts (2)

davester666 (731373) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393896)

Really, if you're too slow and unable to avoid a large, brightly colored, hand-thrown dart lobbed in the air, you probably should be driven to school and back and not allowed to play any sport involving more than one person at a time.

Re:Want! (5, Insightful)

confused one (671304) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392190)

I recall accidentally starting a fire in the kitchen with an old chemistry set. Pinched fingers. Injury due to hard objects striking the body. These were the norm. BB guns were considered toys (they are currently classified as firearms in the city I'm living in) I learned to operate lawn mowers, drive tractors, and handle chain saws by my early teen years. You learned to respect things. Kids today are taught to be scared of machines that are safer than "toys" we played with as kids.

Re:Want! (4, Insightful)

bill_mcgonigle (4333) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392496)

BB guns were considered toys (they are currently classified as firearms in the city I'm living in)

They don't quite get the 'fire' part, do they?

Frankly a dartboard set is far more dangerous.

Re:Want! (4, Insightful)

confused one (671304) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392762)

No they don't; but, there was an unfortunate accident involving a child shooting another child in the head, with the result of the second child dying. It happened and the reaction of the city council was to lump airguns firing metal projectiles under the same grouping as traditional firearms. It was easier than creating a separate classification with its own enforcement rules, I guess.

Re:Want! (5, Insightful)

sjames (1099) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393640)

Or even harder, recognizing that some accidents are really freak events. They couldn't have been foreseen, probably won't happen again, and suggest no particular preventive action.

Re:Want! (1)

rev0lt (1950662) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393708)

Yes, because sliding a nail with a clipped head in the barrel is just out of reach for most children with a BB gun. But yeah, to kill somebody, you'd need to get really lucky.

Re:Want! (5, Insightful)

Forbman (794277) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392990)

'cept a .22 cal air-powered pellet gun that shoots pellets at 1100 fps might as well be a firearm.

Re:Want! (3, Informative)

demonlapin (527802) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393164)

FPS and pellet weight rules might be in order here. A .22 cal pellet gun that fires at 1100 fps also costs as much as a firearm.

Re:Want! (5, Funny)

Pulzar (81031) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393304)

'cept a .22 cal air-powered pellet gun that shoots pellets at 1100 fps might as well be a firearm

Everybody knows that a human eye can't perceive anything more than 60 fps. You need a pellet gun doing 1100 fps only because you have a small.... oh, wait, wrong thread?

Re:Want! (4, Insightful)

mirix (1649853) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392544)

Funny how that works. get rid of chemistry sets, and hobby chemistry becomes an endangered species.

It doesn't help that buying things as simple as labware probably get you thrown on some 'suspected meth cook' list, either.

If things were always like that, I imagine we'd still think there were only four elements.

Re:Want! (1)

nospam007 (722110) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393364)

"It doesn't help that buying things as simple as labware probably get you thrown on some 'suspected meth cook' list, either."

If you're lucky, otherwise Homeland Security might become interested in you.

Re:Want! (2)

Mashiki (184564) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393410)

Pretty sure I've still got parts of my old childhood chemistry set floating around somewhere, including some old childhood microscope set from the 50's. I know there was some interesting stuff in both of those. Yep, long gone is the era of unique and neat stuff.

It doesn't take labware... (1)

Roger W Moore (538166) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393646)

It doesn't help that buying things as simple as labware probably get you thrown on some 'suspected meth cook' list, either.

Labware? In Canada just trying to buy nasal decongestant tablets is enough to require asking the chemist (the tablets are behind the counter), showing photo-ID and having your name recorded. When I asked why I had to do this when tablets with exactly the same decongestant, but including paracetamol (acetaminophen) as well, were on the shelves the reason given was that without the paracetamol the tablets can be used to make meth.

So by the time you are up to labware I'm sure you are being added to a terrorist watch list!

Re:It doesn't take labware... (2)

artor3 (1344997) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393684)

Don't feel too bad about Canada. We have the exact same restrictions on buying pseudoephedrine in the states, for the exact same reason.

Re:It doesn't take labware... (1)

Ellis D. Tripp (755736) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393924)

Our restrictions are worse, actually. Down here, EVERY pseudoephedrine product is behind the counter, even the products with APAP or other active ingredients that would be nearly impossible to make meth with.

Re:It doesn't take labware... (1)

ceoyoyo (59147) | more than 2 years ago | (#38394102)

Assuming you're from the UK because of the word choices, pseudoephedrine incompletely illegal there. The chemist gave me a good long look when I went in and asked for it.

Re:Want! (5, Funny)

rev0lt (1950662) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393686)

You make me remember when I told my mum I was going to try some explosive recipes - and she replied very fast that if I want to do a mess and try explosives, to do it outside because she's not cleaning the kitchen.

Re:Want! (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392452)

I remember a shy, nerd gal who became extremely proficient at full cycle clacker(ing), much better than everyone else. Everyone was paying attention to her, she enjoyed the attention - and the very next day, the school banned Clackers. She went back to being a wallflower, another nerd denied.

Re:Want! (5, Insightful)

hairyfeet (841228) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393174)

Oh don't forget lawn darts, the "Hey lets throw sharp stakes at each other!" toy for the whole family, hell they even had a "Mr Atomic" chem set, I wonder if those kids glow in the dark now?

This reminds me of the old SNL bit, anybody remember Akroyd getting grief over his company's toys like "Johnny switchblade" or the "human torch" costume which was just some gas soaked rags and some matches?

But compared to the stuff we had when I was a kid the stuff on the list is a fricking joke! heck when I was a kid we all had minibikes starting as young as 5! Nobody wore helmets, everybody had ramps, the answer to every injury was "put a bandaid on it" and we all drove like maniacs! I can still remember buzzing around my small town at 8 with a giant 8 track duct taped to the handlebars so I could blast Kiss Alive II as I scared the neighbors dogs. We all had lawn darts and played with fireworks and yet we all managed to survive just fine!

I have to wonder if this isn't just "the march of the morons" at play here, as we at least had enough common sense not to do things REALLY stupid. Nowadays it seems like we are trying to babyproof the planet, are kids really THAT much stupider than when we were kids?

Re:Want! (4, Insightful)

Baloroth (2370816) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393248)

are kids really THAT much stupider than when we were kids?

I don't think so, but the parents are that much dumber. Or less attentive (same thing, really.)

Re:Want! (4, Insightful)

rev0lt (1950662) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393822)

But compared to the stuff we had when I was a kid the stuff on the list is a fricking joke! heck when I was a kid we all had minibikes starting as young as 5!

Today kids have that too. My almost-three-year old daughter has a bike that rides like the devil himself is behind her, and sometimes get some nice bruises from falling. She wears a helmet (hey I'm not stupid) and more clothing than average, and we try to watch her all the time, but she's pretty independant. More than I was with her age - she uses the bathroom, can count to 20, can sing whole songs, recognize some numbers, can use the fridge and pick her food, can go to the cabinet and pick silverwear without picking the knives, can say many words, and - since I've been showing her some american Sesame Street videos, she can say some english words. And when she plays outside, she sometimes eats dirt.
In contrast, I have some fellow parent friends with children of the same age that don't eat solid food and live in constant fear of germs. Everything must be sanitized. Who do you think is the bigger kid? :D
The problem is that my parent's generation was too laxing (mercury? eat it, is good for something or it wouldn't be in your food), and the current parents are too misinformed (everything is a threat and will kill your child! with mercury!), and there's no middle ground. And parents are such an easy prey for marketing pitches...

Re:Want! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393336)

We used to play with lawn darts with real metal points. I think that they are classified as WMDs today...

The most dangerous toys (2)

wiggles (30088) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392076)

...were covered 30 years ago here [hulu.com].

Re:The most dangerous toys (1)

Walt Dismal (534799) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392516)

Well gosh, I dunno, you know, that Irwin Mainway High Voltage Power Supply only naturally goes with the 1KW CO2 Kid's Laser and the Junior Taser Experimenter's Kit and the Pet Restraints. And when I was a kid I enjoyed my Bag of Broken Glass and the stains were easy to get off the floor except for that one time. Kids. So coddled these days.

Zulu Guns? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392112)

From Shaka Zulu?

toys with molten metal (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392244)

When I was a lad (50's/60's) we had a toy where you'd melt some metal (lead? or something with a low melting point anyway) in a little crucible over a burner and pour the result into a mold. It would cool and form a little metal soldier figure, whereupon you'd take the two sides of the mold apart and out it would fall.

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy, but you know, I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.

Re:toys with molten metal (4, Informative)

simcop2387 (703011) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392438)

It was probably wood's alloy. It's got a nice low melting temperature around 80C-90C and would probably have been perfect for those kinds of toys.

Re:toys with molten metal (4, Funny)

Rob the Bold (788862) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392520)

It was probably wood's alloy. It's got a nice low melting temperature around 80C-90C and would probably have been perfect for those kinds of toys.

Wikipedia: "It is a eutectic alloy of 50% bismuth, 26.7% lead, 13.3% tin, and 10% cadmium by weight."

What could possibly go wrong?

Re:toys with molten metal (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393450)

What could possibly go wrong?

Autodidactism.

Re:toys with molten metal (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392628)

Field's metal is far superior if you're making toys. It is pretty much non-toxic.

Re:toys with molten metal (5, Interesting)

bill_mcgonigle (4333) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392568)

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy,

I totally burned the shit out of my thumb when I was a kid, by melting some glass with my dad's propane torch and generally being an idiot.

I did it again (to my palm) when I first bought a house and installed a boiler and had my hand directly under a solder joint (yeah, I way over-flowed that joint).

Hot molten shit hurts. A lot. I now have good plumbing gloves (never swung for the third strike after that). Besides learning to buy gloves, I'm now very aware of the dangers of being between the dangerous thing and the Earth's core. It would be great if we could give kids a big list of "don't do that" but humans seem to learn better from experience.

but you know, I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.

Well, that is the point. Idiots are easy to control. When people are farmed as livestock for 'their' tax money, having rambunctious ones just decreases the profit per head. Best to keep them calm, dumb, and in front of reality TV.

Re:toys with molten metal (1)

JoeMerchant (803320) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392886)

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy,

I totally burned the shit out of my thumb when I was a kid, by melting some glass with my dad's propane torch and generally being an idiot.

You don't need "tools" or "toys" - when I was 5, I tested what this "it's HOT! you'll BURN YOURSELF!" stuff was all about with my index finger on an iron. Lost the fingerprint on the tip of that finger - and yet, I lived.

Re:toys with molten metal (4, Insightful)

FSWKU (551325) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393702)

You don't need "tools" or "toys" - when I was 5, I tested what this "it's HOT! you'll BURN YOURSELF!" stuff was all about with my index finger on an iron. Lost the fingerprint on the tip of that finger - and yet, I lived.

And sadly enough, it would be a completely different story for a kid today. The mother would scream her lungs out and floor it to the ER in her SUV (endangering tons of people along the way). Once there, she would scream at the charge nurse for having to wait behind a multiple-GSW patient who is bleeding into his lungs. After finally seeing a PA, she would get the same advice most people used to take for granted - put some ointment on it, keep it cool and dry, and make an appointment with the family doctor if it doesn't get better in a couple of days.

Oh yeah, and you better believe she would call for a MASSIVE lawsuit against the manufacturer of the iron because it was "too hot" and her precious little snowflake is now "permanently disfigured."

Re:toys with molten metal (4, Insightful)

ceoyoyo (59147) | more than 2 years ago | (#38394136)

I remember when my dad first saw me walk into the house a bloody mess and clean myself up, no crying, no help. He was so proud. I think I was six.

Re:toys with molten metal (1)

SEWilco (27983) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393558)

I totally burned the shit out of my thumb when I was a kid, by melting some glass with my dad's propane torch and generally being an idiot.

Dad's propane torch? I bought the home's only propane torch. So I could blow my own laboratory glassware. Molten glass shrapnel from a blowout is oh so much more entertaining.

Re:toys with molten metal (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393760)

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy,

I totally burned the shit out of my thumb when I was a kid, by melting some glass with my dad's propane torch and generally being an idiot.

I did it again (to my palm) when I first bought a house and installed a boiler and had my hand directly under a solder joint (yeah, I way over-flowed that joint).

Hot molten shit hurts. A lot. I now have good plumbing gloves (never swung for the third strike after that). Besides learning to buy gloves, I'm now very aware of the dangers of being between the dangerous thing and the Earth's core. It would be great if we could give kids a big list of "don't do that" but humans seem to learn better from experience.

Err... but doesn't your story point out that you didn't learn from your experience... and hence, burned your hand as an adult? (Which you did learn from. *knock on wood*)

Re:toys with molten metal (2)

elsuperjefe (1487639) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393104)

i have to believe that it isn't really the toy that induces creative brain-building play in children. in their toddler years my kids were usually more interested in creating forts out of Christmas boxes and wrapping paper than in playing with the actual toys that came in them. i doubt we are creating idiocy by tagging absurd toys as unsafe at any speed.

Re:toys with molten metal (1)

PCM2 (4486) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393242)

When I was a lad (50's/60's) we had a toy where you'd melt some metal (lead? or something with a low melting point anyway) in a little crucible over a burner and pour the result into a mold. It would cool and form a little metal soldier figure, whereupon you'd take the two sides of the mold apart and out it would fall.

I did this with my grandfather in the early 1980s. The molds were his from when he was young, but I'm pretty sure we went and bought the metal in a hobby shop. It definitely had lead in it, but it was some kind of alloy. This was in England, BTW.

Re:toys with molten metal (1)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393892)

When I was a lad, we didn't have such a toy - we made it ourselves, out of discarded auto batteries. Yeah, that was lead alright. Molds were made from clay, and you used a steel cup or something similar to melt the lead in.

That was late 80s / early 90s. Then again, that wasn't U.S.

Re:toys with molten metal (2)

westlake (615356) | more than 2 years ago | (#38394018)

When I was a lad (50's/60's) we had a toy where you'd melt some metal (lead? or something with a low melting point anyway) in a little crucible over a burner and pour the result into a mold. It would cool and form a little metal soldier figure, whereupon you'd take the two sides of the mold apart and out it would fall.

The cast metal hobby ("tin soldiers") is still very much alive.

The starter kit will cost about $25-$50. The Dunken Company [dunken.com]

The difference is that - like many thiings - it has become an adult hobby. The molds will set you back about $20 each for a 54mm WWII soldier. These are substantial high-quality miniatures meant for hand painting.

"Model Metal" about 300 F. "Tin" 485 F.

I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.

Lamarckism, I see, is alive and well in the geek.

I used to shoot metal pellets... (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392276)

Now they're worried about foam darts. Not to mention the velocity difference.

One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (5, Insightful)

NoisySplatter (847631) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392292)

Many of the toys on this list aren't very dangerous. I'd go as far as saying that a pencil is more dangerous than every single one of them. I can't fathom why this article appeared on this website.

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (2)

Master Moose (1243274) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392354)

Agreed, It is a sad reflection of our cotton-wrapped world that this list constitutes even one persons idea of dangerous toys.

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (1)

R3d M3rcury (871886) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392986)

I'd go as far as saying that a pencil is more dangerous than every single one of them.

Agreed. Which is why we should ban them from our classrooms. [kqed.org]

(Note that the above link is not serious. On the other hand, if you read the reasons, these reasons have been used in plenty of other cases...)

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (1)

ShakaUVM (157947) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393022)

Many of the toys on this list aren't very dangerous. I'd go as far as saying that a pencil is more dangerous than every single one of them. I can't fathom why this article appeared on this website.

From TFA: Obviously you haven't seen the type of damage two large plastic blocks can cause when kids fall off it because they're trying to play NBA on stilts.

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (1)

owlnation (858981) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393086)

Many of the toys on this list aren't very dangerous. I'd go as far as saying that a pencil is more dangerous than every single one of them. I can't fathom why this article appeared on this website.

I can fathom it: 1. viral marketing. 2. Samzenpus

They day samzenpus posts an article that isn't "idle", or sub-idle actually, will be the day that we all have our own personal Nuclear Fusion generators.

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. (1)

Qzukk (229616) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393694)

I have absolutely no love lost for companies that turn to cadmium when lead gets too hard to smuggle in to the product, but yeah, most of this is bullshit that we survived and in doing so, we became stronger, smarter, and given slightly reduced depth perception.

Somebody call the police (1)

tp1024 (2409684) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392322)

Erm, are you serious [amazon.com]?

How are they raising kids these days in the USA? Perpetually strapped into a car seat? I don't see any other way in which you could prevent them from "maiming" themselves with such murderous toys as those. I mean, they could get the hang of climbing stairs!!!11!!11!eleven

Re:Somebody call the police (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392498)

Seriously. We used to make them ourselves: Drill or hammer two small holes each into the bottom of two empty tin cans, thread some string through the holes, make knots on the inside of the cans. Voila, $19.99 saved and instant gratification achieved. I also learned how to walk on a free rolling empty beer keg. Yes, you fall. Learning to fall without hurting yourself is important.

Lame (5, Insightful)

oldmac31310 (1845668) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392348)

I RTFA just to make sure it would be as lame as I expected. It is. The Gawker sites are just a horrible waste of space. Less of this crap please!

Re:Lame (5, Informative)

guruevi (827432) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393016)

I agree, I RTFA, most of the stuff isn't even dangerous (as far as I consider dangerous) and some of the other stuff should (or is) recalled for being either badly constructed or using certain (what should be illegal) chemicals.

Trampoline - who never used a trampoline? Just because the lingo is lawyer-proof doesn't make it a bad toy.
Foam-shooting Bow - As with any shooting toys (Nerf comes to mind) kids should be thought how to use it well. I made freaking real bows by soaking hard wood tree branches in water, some rope and a couple of my mother's plant-straightening bamboo sticks as arrows. Yeah, I bruised and cut my fingers and hands several times either making the bow or shooting the arrow with it's sharp edges and it was inaccurate as shit but I didn't aim to kill anyone. Are kids really that stupid these days?
Plastic sword - Same as the bow or a baseball bat. You learn real quickly that these things hurt if you get hit yourself. Several wooden sword fights with my brother and other kids made that clear to me.
Very low stilts - How is that dangerous? You can fall and hit your head or twist your ankle but that's how kids learn. You want to tie them down to a chair so they'll die of boredom?
Shrinky dinks - What's dangerous about a heating chamber? Those things zapping anyone how exactly? Unless there's some really shoddy engineering and the wires are exposed inside I don't understand. A halogen light bulb is hot. I touched one before. A stove exhaust pipe is hot, found out when standing too close to it trying to heat up in winter.
Playmobil - Make it illegal with huge fines to make products with such chemicals intended for kids. Not slap-of-the-wrist pay this $500k settlement so everyone gets a $1 coupon on their next purchase but "the families affected will own 30% of your company if you fuck up".
Swiss army weapon - You're a moron. Couldn't find anything dangerous after 4?

Re:Lame (3)

Pentium100 (1240090) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393972)

Not slap-of-the-wrist pay this $500k settlement so everyone gets a $1 coupon on their next purchase but "the families affected will own 30% of your company if you fuck up".

In my opinion a huge fine (for example, combined income of the product sold in the country + some fixed amount) that goes to the government is better. The families affected should only receive compensation for the actual damage (treatment costs etc), so that nobody gets the idea of deliberately exposing their child to those toys with those chemicals (hmm, this toy has lead and cadmium, probably the company will get fined soon) just so they could profit from it.

There would probably be less microwaved dogs if the owner of the dog only got the money for a new dog (or however you determine the financial loss of a dog dying) and not $100k because the user manual of the microwave does not state that you shouldn't put a live dog in it, unless you intend to kill it.

Re:Lame (1)

Luke727 (547923) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393390)

Even if you disregard the trash that is posted, from a purely technical standpoint if your website shows ZERO content (not even a warning message or anything) without the use of javascript then you fucking fail.

but is it a joke? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392396)

Gawker may think it's a joke, but the site they got most of those items from http://toysafety.org/worstToyList_index.shtml [toysafety.org] is serious as far as I can tell.

Re:but is it a joke? (2)

wierd_w (1375923) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392758)

The idea of these toys being dangerous is rediculous.

Want a dangerous toy?

Here's one. Sort of a cross between child of chucky and disney fantasy, to create a truly diabolical toy:

the cabbage patch 'snacktime kid' doll! [sampa.com]

This toy, in its original incarnation, had a one way only electric motor which turned a textured cylender inside the doll's mouth, which would activate if something (anything) was inside it. Fingers? OM NOM NOM! Hair? OM NOM NOM! Bits of earlobe and other bits of tender skin? OM NOM NOM!

Essentially, a doll with an insatiable hunger for human flesh.

All the while, its voice circuit would coo about it being yummy.

Now there was a dangerous toy.

Re:but is it a joke? (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392956)

No, the idea that you think "ridiculous" is spelled with an "e" is dangerous.

Re:but is it a joke? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393666)

Obviously it was so diculous that it was rediculous all over again.

Tongue in cheek? (1)

stephathome (1862868) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392440)

I'm thinking the article sounds more tongue in cheek than serious. That said, my niece has the trampoline, and the kids all go pretty wild on it. No big injuries yet. My daughter's preschool and kindergarten had the stepper stilts, and even with crowds of kids playing, they were never a problem. One of the more popular recess activities, in fact.

So let me get this straight... (3, Interesting)

edxwelch (600979) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392474)

trampolines, plastic bow and arrows, etc. are deadly, but rifles and shotguns are okay for children?
http://www.crickett.com/ [crickett.com]

Only in America

Re:So let me get this straight... (1)

meloneg (101248) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392658)

You got me all excited thinking Crickett had a kid's shotgun. Tease.

My daughter loves her Pink Crickett. Although, US law does require that, technically, I own it until she's 21.

Re:So let me get this straight... (1)

confused one (671304) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392866)

Weird isn't it. I grew up around guns. Was given my first BB gun at 9yrs old. Handled and fired rifles and revolvers by my early teens. Of course I was also cutting grass, splitting wood, and driving a tractor by that age. Almost unthinkable today, in most places. Hold on, I have to go tell my kids to be careful with that foam ball...

Re:So let me get this straight... (4, Insightful)

demonlapin (527802) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393276)

I got my first BB gun at six, my first rifle (still have it, a nice little straight-shooting .22) at ten, and my first shotgun at eleven. Hell, I'm still using the 20-gauge shotgun I got at thirteen - Winchester ran a pretty neat deal, you bought the gun with a short "youth" stock and you sent in a coupon for an adult-sized stock a couple of years later. It's an absolute pleasure to use on the sporting clays range.

Guns are lots of fun, you just have to respect that they're inherently dangerous objects. Kids who grew up with guns are, in my experience, a lot less likely to do stupid stuff with them, because their dad took them out when they were six and blew a watermelon into a fine mist with one and said "that's what it will do to your head". Those who meet guns for the first time at 19-20 are a lot more cavalier.

Conkers (5, Interesting)

sqldr (838964) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392504)

Probably not so popular on the other side of the atlantic, but here in Britain, every october is conker season, where we attach horse chessnuts (invariably hardened by baking, soaking in vinegar, hand cream, galvanisation, you name it) to string, then smash them into an opponent's conker (or your own elbow if you miss) until one shatters into many pieces. If you drop it, you have to try to pick it up while your opponent repeatedly stamps on it. Joy and safety goggles all round!

Re:Conkers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393120)

We didn't have that, but we had an improvised version in jr. high. (7th and 8th grade, 12-14 years old). After eating with plastic forks or sporks, we would take them out and have "fork fights". You snap the fork back against the other guy's fork and try to break his tines off without breaking yours. Between fork fights turning into real fights, and the plastic litter on the lawn, they banned it after a few months.

Congress. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392560)

Congress.

Old News (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392698)

This process of making safe and 'sane' toys has been going on for a long time. When I was a lad back in the 1950's my aunt gave me her 1944 chemistry set (with extra glassware). It had a lot of experiments that had just quietly disappeared from the safer sets of my day. We could make gunpowder and thermite - whee! While yes, some overzealous experimenters could end up minus a digit or two (or worse), for the most part one learned to respect the dangerous components. Problem with this overly padded, no sparrow shall fall, society is that once the kids grow up (if ever) they will expect society to provide the same level of coddling/protection from the real hazards of life. Somehow respect, caution and awareness just aren't being passed on. Witness the number of folks who march off into the wilderness and then expect someone to bail them out. Life is dangerous and no one gets out alive. Deal with it...

Little Clara Cadmium (5, Funny)

istartedi (132515) | more than 2 years ago | (#38392824)

New! From China, it's little Clara Cadmium. Lick her tummy and hear her giggle. Feed her led pellets and watch her gain weight. Realistic BPA-based skin is soft to the touch. Just $9.99. Turn the price upside down and learn little Clara's secret.

Re:Little Clara Cadmium (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393792)

"Turn the price upside down and learn little Clara's secret."

And Herman Cain's, to boot.

Johnny human torch (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38392876)

Johnny human torch
Johnny space commander
invisible pedestrian
Johnny combat action costume

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/77/77dconsumerprobe.phtml

Dangerous toys (2)

Nonillion (266505) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393002)

I used to have a set of Clackers in the mid 70's, nailed myself in the head once, smashed a finger or two but it wasn't long before the novelty wore off. Even had a set of steel tipped Yard Darts, never had an accident. Perhaps the coolest toy I ever had were the electrified versions of Hot Wheels called Sizzlers. You plugged them into a charging station that held four "D" cell batteries, was shaped like a gas pump and held the top button down for 60 seconds (I always held it down for two or three minutes), unplugged them, turned the power switch on the bottom of the car and raced them on a track...

Ahhh, memories..

JARTs (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393216)

Where I come from a jart is a fart in a jar.

For those about to shop (4, Funny)

PopeRatzo (965947) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393252)

For the record, "Dangerous Toys" was the name of my '80s hair band. We disbanded in 1991 after our second album, titled Jarts in my Heart. We reunited in 2000 for a world tour, but we had to abandon it when my hernia started acting up and the bass player's hair plugs got infected. I told him it was gonna happen if he didn't wash his bandanna a little bit more often, but you know how bass players are. We used to know which way the stage was slanted by which side of his mouth had the drool coming out. You know what you do if your bass players drowning? Throw him his amp. How do you tell if the bass player's out of tune? You don't.

Anyway, I'd still be playing with them if they just made spandex tights in a relaxed fit. These days, I need a skosh more room in the seat and waist if I'm going to do the jumping in the air splits while windmilling chords on my Dimebag Darrell Signature three-pickup 7 string guitar, which I could totally still do. But not in these tights. That ship has sailed. Nowadays, I just take them out on the odd night when the classic rock station is playing a Get the Led Out commercial-free album set of Houses of the Holy.

Catching lawn darts . . . (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38393288)

When I was a kid we would play lawn darts and catch them out of the air. No big deal. Just think of the fun kids are missing these days.

in 50 years we'll all be chicks (1)

csumpi (2258986) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393372)

Adam Carolla was optimistic giving us 50 years. If the we really think the toys on this list are most dangerous, we are already a bunch of p-ssies.

Anything by Playmobil ? (1)

margeman2k3 (1933034) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393504)

Sure, BPA is "toxic" (if you eat stupid amounts of it, and you're under 6 months old...)
Seriously though, I'd hardly classify Playmobil as "dangerous"...

Clackers (1)

GrahamCox (741991) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393544)

Have a set of original 1971 clackers in the kitchen drawer. Already introduced our 5-yo daughter to them - she can already do them better than me. I just cower, expecting them to explode violently...

The tone of this article is ill-suited for /. (1)

rebelwarlock (1319465) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393680)

Bubbly sarcasm is just about the most obnoxious tone in written communication. How did this make slashdot, exactly?

only three known deaths due to Jarts in the USA (4, Insightful)

rubycodez (864176) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393856)

and they ban the things? what a bunch of psychological marshmallows we've become. The body count for hot dog chokings goes into the thousands, bicycle made corpses would stack to the stratosphere....

Clackers (1)

GrantRobertson (973370) | more than 2 years ago | (#38393964)

They still sell clackers at the street fairs here in Tucson, AZ. When I mention to the locals about how I thought clackers were banned, everyone looks at me as if I am crazy. Tucson is very "Live and let your children break their forearms."

Re:Clackers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38394280)

I don't think clackers have ever been banned at the Federal level in the USA. They are available where I live too. I assume they are now shatter resistant.

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