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Bonsaikitten Eaten By Carnivore

michael posted more than 13 years ago | from the tasty dept.

News 309

Two nuggets from the FBI today - this: "Freedom of speech apparently doesn't apply to some topics. Take cute animals, for example. If it had been BonsaiSloth.com, we probably wouldn't seeing this." And this: "It seems that the FBI is changing Carnivore's name to "DCS1000" apparently because it 'made the system sound like a predatory device made to invade people's privacy'. I'm sure a snide remark about "truth in advertising" fits here."

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309 comments

I want my Kitten (2)

onepoint (301486) | more than 13 years ago | (#442461)

sing it to dire straights money for nothing

I want my Bonziakitten.....

Now look at them yo-yo's
that's the way you do it
You stuff a kitten on your lab table

That ain't workin'
that's the way you do it
kittens are for nothing
and and the jars are free

Now that ain't workin'
that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya that guys not dumb
Maybe get a cat bite on your little finger
Maybe get a claw on your thumb

we got to drill some breating holes
Custom jars with garuanteed deliveries...

We gotta move these big old cats
We gotta move these breathing tubess....

I shoulda learned to stuff the cat
I shoulda learned to drill some holes

Look at that peta person ,
she got it stickin' her nose in my door
Man we could have some fun
And she's up there,
what's that? Calaco perrs?
Bangin' on the lid
like a chimpanzee

That ain't workin'
that's the way you do it
kittens are for nothing
and and the jars are free

We gotta move these big old cats
We gotta move these breathing tubess....

This is a workin'
that's the way you do it
you stuff your kinnen on the desk top
That ain't workin'
that's the way you do it
kittens are for nothing
and and the jars are free

kittens are for nothing
and and the jars are free
kittens are for nothing
and and the jars are free

I want my Bonziakitten
I want my Bonziakitten
I want my Bonziakitten



spambait e-mail
my web site artistcorner.tv hip-hop music news
please help me make it better

Re:1000? (2)

grarg (94486) | more than 13 years ago | (#442463)

Alas, Scott Adams has already copyrighted the GruntMaster 6000 so this was obviously their fallback. Btw, doesn't "DCS" bear a scary aural resemblance to "DeCSS"?

Re:read this first (1)

b0r1s (170449) | more than 13 years ago | (#442467)

you obviously didn't read the link i posted, nor did you understand the original intent of the parent post... the modern definition of trolling often focuses more on crapflooding and nonsense than insightful trolls... this is what i'm referring to, not the well thought out, pseudo intelligent comments.

has anyone called the number? (1)

Cletus Doyle White (314727) | more than 13 years ago | (#442470)

Has anyone tried calling the number on the bonsaikittens.com webpage right at the top of the screen under the main logo? The number is 212-662-7544. I'm too lazy to do it myself, but if anyone does try it, let me know what it says.

Animal Rights Wacko at it again!!! (1)

tarbabyxxxx (241558) | more than 13 years ago | (#442473)

Your message regarding the Web site www.bonsaikitten.com was forwarded to me today; I am an Issues Specialist in the Companion Animals section of The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS). The bonsaikitten Web site first appeared in late December. We received hundreds of complaints over just two days. In response, we investigated the origin of the site and found that the site was being hosted by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). In speaking with the MIT Network Manager, we found out that the name and address the site is registered to, a "Dr. Michael Wong" in New York, is false information. The creator of the site is actually a student at MIT who initially created the site as a joke amongst friends, then, encouraged by all the negative attention he was receiving, decided to make a statement about his right to free speech by keeping his site up and running despite requests remove it. MIT was very supportive of the concerns of animal organizations and citizens sending in complaints about the site. Despite the legal protest about the student's free speech rights, MIT removed the site on December 22. In addition, a local humane organization has investigated as well (the student claimed to have used computer graphics to create the shots of kittens in jars). We began receiving complaints about the bonsaikitten site being back up again several days ago. I have contacted MIT, which is not hosting the site. I have contacted the group we suspect is hosting this site and have stated our concerns and asked that the site be taken down. I am currently waiting for a response. I will be glad to contact you when I have any further update on this situation. In the meantime, please advise those concerned NOT to send e-mail or otherwise contact the person running this site (I believe there is some contact information listed on the Web pages). As I mentioned, it appears that he is only encouraged by the negative attention and the more he receives the stronger his resolve to keep the site up and running will be. Thank you for your concern. Please feel free to share this response with others who are concerned about this site. Sincerely, Julie Shellenberger Issues Specialist, Companion Animal Outreach The Humane Society of the United States www.hsus.org

It IS! (1)

bobdole369 (267463) | more than 13 years ago | (#442484)

Well, isn't it a predatory device used to prey on the average person? Come on, I thought this was common knowledge... :)

Evidence of animal abuse (1)

Sanity (1431) | more than 13 years ago | (#442492)

If this website constitutes evidence that animals have been abused, then they should be punished (I suggest forcing them into a small jar for several months). If this is a parody and those images are artificial, then it should be left alone (which is more likely). Taking down the website without punishing them for their crime (if a crime had taken place) would be getting it totally backwards.

--

I found my favorite line from that article... (1)

AFCArchvile (221494) | more than 13 years ago | (#442494)

"Why are they doing this?" asks Harvey Silverglate, a prominent Boston criminal defense attorney. "I think the answer is that political correctness has infected the FBI."

Damn right. "Our FBI" can't even nab an elderly mob boss, and we're all paying for the FBI's mistakes. Forget about all the damned secrets, I want to know about the FBI's blunders, and I want to believe that they're trying to stop being so clumsy.

1000? (2)

SEWilco (27983) | more than 13 years ago | (#442562)

DCS1000? Why, did they have a Y2K naming failure and DCS2000 rolled over to DCS1000? What kind of customer marketing decided on a 000 prefix? We should get better products from our government money. (Of course, I also don't appreciate the expense of their having to change all those Carnivor business cards, letterhead, pamphlets, and billboards)

My Cats will bloody well climb into anything... (4)

Bonker (243350) | more than 13 years ago | (#442568)

Jeez... anybody with cats know that they'll get into any container, no matter how big, just to see what's inside!

Why do you think there's such a problem with people accidentally killing their pets by locking them in the fridge or the dryer?

This is a funny site, that pokes much needed fun at breeders and collectors alike. If you *don't* get it and think this guy needs to be punished, then you have obviously never owned a cat.

DCS1000 isn't a bad name... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442574)

...but really, I think that PIMPBOT5000 would have been better.

Re:Evidence of animal abuse (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442587)

Dude did you even go to the site? It's obviously a joke, but someone who is easily trolled would get set off.

That's all it is, it's a troll site, it's trolling lusers who can't take a joke, just like most posts on slashdot.

The Right Wing America has won people. (3)

SpanishInquisition (127269) | more than 13 years ago | (#442599)

Now the government wants to prevent you from watching pussies.

(and eating meat is bad if I understand well)

Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

cthugha (185672) | more than 13 years ago | (#442603)

Any attempts at "humour" aside, this is actually pretty horrible. Law enforcement is justified in investigating a potential case of cruelty, even if such cruelty is performed in the name of creative expression.

I defend their right to say it (provided they didn't do this to any actual kittens, in which case they should be taken to a public place and have something horrible done to them involving their entrails), but I also defend my right to send them a friendly e-mail saying precisely what I think of them, and speculating on the reasons as to why they did this, including but not limited to poor sexual performance/experience, little social interaction with their peers, and a complete lack of common humanity, maturity or intelligence.

And I don't even like cats... :)

it's a joke (2)

monkeyserver.com (311067) | more than 13 years ago | (#442608)

I laughed, it's a joke, my damn cats get their heads in the smallest of glasses. BTW, if they really are locking cats in jars then they should be punished. But I think that most people aren't that dumb. From the amount of effort put into the site, I would imagine this is all a silly spoof, they some one took a little too far

Bullshit... (5)

Karma Sink (229208) | more than 13 years ago | (#442611)

Snopes [snopes2.com] had a page on this not too long ago, and I'be been watching it ever since... There are a goodly number of groups that are trying to fight this. All of them are fucking ridiculous, but what can you do.

If you want a place to troll the fuck out of, I highly suggest This [ezboard.com] message board, a group devoted to the love of kitties, and how bonzaikitten.com is evil, how would they like to be stuffed in jars, etc...

It's fucking ridiculous. It's exactly what was said in Farenheit 451... Society got to the point where we couldn't offend anyone, the Irish, Jewish, Cat-lovers, Dog-lovers, etc, etc... Until finally, we had to censor everything, and everything had to turn to tapioca bullshit just to make everyone happy.

Fuck that. This site is fucking hilarious, and needs to stay.

Re:DCS1000 (2)

Jebediah21 (145272) | more than 13 years ago | (#442613)

A CD Coping service! Yes! Just what I need! There is no way I can cope with all my CD's right now.

Re:1000? (1)

b0r1s (170449) | more than 13 years ago | (#442627)

not that its entirely important... but your line should be...
What kind of customer marketing decided on a 000 suffix


Am I missing something? (1)

donglekey (124433) | more than 13 years ago | (#442631)

Allanach said she's not sure if the site is a parody -- and even if it isn't, it should be taken offline because it could encourage people to experiment on their own household pets.

So it she thinks that it being a parody is worse than it being real?

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

Karma Sink (229208) | more than 13 years ago | (#442636)

Come on... You hvae to know you're being ridiculous. Check the site before you shoot off at the mouth.

Bonsai Kittens don't involve cutting the kittens, only shaping their young bones by growing them in jars for a few weeks after they're born.

Of course, it's all a joke... But, most importantly, the only pictures are of kittens half in jars for long enough to take a picture. THat's it. big fucking deal. If you can't deal with something that controversial, get the fuck off slashdot, and check out something more your speed [mary-kateandashley.com] .

read this first (1)

b0r1s (170449) | more than 13 years ago | (#442640)

trolling new sites just for the sake of trolling ... has been taken too far in recent days... for an example of this, go to lovetestclub.com [lovetestclub.com] and look at what a few geekizoid readers managed to cause... most of the damage has since been removed by the site's admin, but if you read some of the more innocent looking threads, you'll notice some very inciteful responses. Thus, I warn you that trolling a random message board just for the sake of trolling a message board is probably something that you should reconsider.

Re:Evidence of animal abuse (2)

GigsVT (208848) | more than 13 years ago | (#442643)

Had you read the story, you would know the whole site is a joke. No kittens were harmed, only photoshop images.
-

Guestbook fun (1)

Fervent (178271) | more than 13 years ago | (#442644)

The guestbook includes some great email addresses of people who thought Bonzai Kitten was real, and proceded to taunt/racially discriminate against the webmaster, who is obviously not Chinese. They were also dumb enough to include their actual email addresses.

You can have some fun with these:

rburn@quad.com
MoldysMula@aol.com
lrp@lirponics.com
jm@fpwa.com
screed_2001@yahoo.com

--------
Carmack is an elitist, pseudonerd bastard.

Better Proof for "People are Stupid in Masses"? (3)

portege00 (110414) | more than 13 years ago | (#442647)

...I can't think of a better example myself. It's almost amusing and at the same time sad to see how people feel that jokes like this are somehow real and/or enourage others to commit acts of cruelty

If you're sick enough to put cats in a bottle, then I seriously doubt you were of sound mind and judgement before you saw this web site. If you actually believed this was real, then you're gulliable. People, come on, lighten up.

It's almost ironic how pictures of people being beaten, tortured, brutally killed, and dead on autopsy tables can be readily found on the Internet, but put a fake picture of a kitty on a bottle up and you've got hell. This is a very clear indication of the backward priorities and lack of critical thought our society possesses.

Re:Evidence of animal abuse (1)

PhatKat (78180) | more than 13 years ago | (#442649)

And I suggest you read the article:

"Bonsaikitten.com is, of course, a joke devised by prankster MIT students -- who else would talk about "rectilinear kittens?" -- to provoke owners of kittens, an adorably fuzzy topic that's usually beyond parody."

Just a though.

Re:read this first (1)

Karma Sink (229208) | more than 13 years ago | (#442652)

Normally, I wouldn't, but bleeding heart fuckheads who want to censor everything they don't like piss me off. The lovetestclub board didn't need to get ripped up, but these folks deserve anything they can get.

Re:Am I missing something? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442662)

Her opinion is encouraging me to experiment on animal rights organizations!

She should be taken offline.

Moral issue (2)

AMuse (121806) | more than 13 years ago | (#442670)

Once again, this seems to raise the age-old issue of morales vs. freedom of speech.

In this case, the Federal Government(FBI) is attempting to push the morales of the "Common man"(tm). By making a satire site a federal crime, they're attempting to successfully criminalize freedom of speech on the 'Net.

In my not-so-humble opinion, this results directly from the always-present push by the majority to make everyone conform to various community morales, be they religious, spiritual or just plain "We hate people who would even think of hurting kittens!".

I sincerely hope that the FBI does not prosecute, and if so, I sincerely hope that the court finds the owners of bonsaikittens.com wholly innocent. To do anything but is to set a dangerous precedent -- that our rights are rights only as long as they don't offend anyone and aren't strange.


modest proposal (1)

grue23 (158136) | more than 13 years ago | (#442672)

i'm real interested about the law against depictions of cruelty to animals that is mentioned in the associated article. sounds like a pretty massive first amendment violation.

sort of ironic there's nothing similar against depictions of violence against humans; the same argument should work for a law for that as well (even fake depictions of violence against humans would encourage others to perform such violence, etc).

--grue

Well this is interesting....... (2)

Arminius (84868) | more than 13 years ago | (#442677)

They change the name of Carnivore the same time that MS changes the name of Whistler.
Coincidence? I think NOT! :)

They wouldn't even need to be edited (2)

donglekey (124433) | more than 13 years ago | (#442684)

From what I could tell, the pictures didn't need to be altered. At the very most, when a kitten was already in the jar, they could have pushed it from the other end and taken the picture at the same time. That is still a little dicomforting but is really nowhere near animal cruelty.

Offensive, but protected (5)

bnenning (58349) | more than 13 years ago | (#442686)

I'm a big cat person. I like them, and they for the most part like me. I get along with them much better than, say, human beings. This site is not funny at all to me, and I can easily understand why people are upset about it. Having said that, I must defend their right to publish this material. There is no right not to be offended, and any law that prohibits mere depictions of animal cruelty is blatantly unconstitutional (much like the fake kiddie porn law).

Of course, this assumes that there is no actual cruelty occuring. If that is not the case, then an appropriate punishment for those responsible would involve a locked room and several hungry tigers.

Carnivore (2)

not_cub (133206) | more than 13 years ago | (#442690)

A lot of people don't like the idea of Carnivore. One of the arguments against it I see on slashdot goes roughly as follows:

"With the existing plain old telephone system, the FBI can only tap a few lines at a time. With Carnivore, they can tap everybody's emails all the time, which is unconstitutional/generally bad."

One of the arguments I see on slashdot for napster runs along the lines:

"Bloody RIAA. They can't keep the genie in the bottle. New technology allows people to get there hands on loadsa music."

Now come on people, you can't have it both ways... Is it ok for everybody to exploit new technology as they see fit? FBI included. Or perhaps at least one of these knee-jerk reactions isn't sensible?

not_cub

Re:read this first (2)

JesseL (107722) | more than 13 years ago | (#442695)

I think that trolling often plays a critical role in discussion boards. It can force us to reexamine our opinions, remeber why we originally formed our opinions, and consider the merits of alternative opinions. Without trolls discussion would stagnate and ideas would never be fully explored. People that get really worked up over trolls that simply put forth non-party-line ideas are the ones that really need trolling.

All the natalieportmanbeowulfgoatse.cxhotgrits crap is just noise not real trolls.

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

cthugha (185672) | more than 13 years ago | (#442697)

Of course, it's all a joke... But, most importantly, the only pictures are of kittens half in jars for long enough to take a picture. THat's it. big fucking deal. If you can't deal with something that controversial, get the fuck off slashdot, and check out something more your speed.
Sure, it's someone's idea of a joke, but I happen to find it offensive and don't mind saying so. Deal with it. The fact that you can't countenance the idea of someone taking offense at what someone else says makes you just as politically correct and fascist as the authorities trying to take the site down.

And for the record, I didn't write them. Feeding trolls is not my idea of a fun weekend.

Re:Carnivore (2)

bnenning (58349) | more than 13 years ago | (#442698)

Now come on people, you can't have it both ways... Is it ok for everybody to exploit new technology as they see fit? FBI included.

It's the FBI that wants it both ways; they want to use the latest and greatest spying technologies, but want to deny ordinary citizens the ability to protect their privacy. Carnivore would not be an issue if the FBI and other government agencies had not deliberately crippled the widespread use of encryption.

This beats any /. troll (3)

sparcv9 (253182) | more than 13 years ago | (#442699)

These guys trolled the FBI! I came across the Bonsai Kitten site a while ago, and just by reading the text, I was able too see that this site was a joke. The massive amounts of hate mail this site gets (which was also funneled to a mailing for site fans to read) is just indicative of how many stupid and/or gullible people there are surfing the Web. But for the FBI to take this site seriously, that is just an embarrassment.

DCS1000 (1)

zenray (9262) | more than 13 years ago | (#442704)

To paraphrase - a pile of shit by any other name still stinks. Simply changing the name does not make this 'Big Brother' spyware any more acceptiable to me.

I heard DCS1000 stands for... (3)

VValdo (10446) | more than 13 years ago | (#442706)

Disguised Carnivore System

Ie, I'm not going to let them get away with that name change.

W
-------------------

The Sad thing here (1)

jjr (6873) | more than 13 years ago | (#442708)

Is that the Government is trying to to control to much of our life in the United States and that is exactly why this country was founded because of a Government who was trying to control thier people in an unfair way. Most people do not care that our rights are getting trambled on because they are more worried about seeing thier next car payment to worry about these things.

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

Alatar (227876) | more than 13 years ago | (#442709)

If you're offended, tough. It's that damn freedom of speech thing again. If there's a law against simulating putting kittens in jars, that law is unconstitutional. Deal with it. It's just a damn shame that some guy will have to take time out of his life and pay thousands of dollars in legal fees to defeat this federal government harassment instigated by politically correct activists.

Bonsai Kitten (1)

Mongoose (8480) | more than 13 years ago | (#442710)

I don't know why Americans fear exotic forms of art. Don't be so xenophobic! I have a set trapeziodal prism and cubic kittens, so they can't roll off my desk and get hurt. I was going to get a conical and a half shpere kitty set, but I was afraid they would roll under the couch and get lost.

As the creator of a 3d modeler I enjoy the geometeric beauty of my perfectly cubic and trapeziodal kitties. They great for travelers as well, since they fit perfectly in carry-on boxes and they're even stackable! The kids enjoy them more than legos...

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

zhobson (22730) | more than 13 years ago | (#442711)

Of course it's a joke. By the time you get to be an MIT undergrad, you have the necessary biology and engineering training to know that this is an absurd concept. I knew immediately that it was a joke when I pulled up the site.

You know what? I still didn't think it was funny.

I don't advocate wasting FBI resources on a something as stupid as this, but I certainly reserve the right to be disgusted by it. Hell, if the FBI wants a dumb site to interfere with, they should track down the guy that owns goatse.cx. As far as I'm concerned, that site is about as funny as Bonsai Kitten.

So to the FBI I say: Get a life.

To the people who keep shouting "IT'S A JOKE" every time someone expresses disgust, I have this to say: Duh. Now get a life.

To the guy who created the Bonsai Kitten site: Get to work on Bonsai Hamster! That would be funny.

-zack

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

Grahf666 (118413) | more than 13 years ago | (#442712)

If Neo Nazi's can advocate Jew hatred, then MIT grad students can advocate stuffing cats in bottles.

Besides the fact that one group is dead serious and the other is a joke, the speech of both ought to be protected, as long as they don't actually hurt anybody (and it has already been established that bonsaikitten.com didn't hurt anything).

Re:modest proposal (1)

triticale (227516) | more than 13 years ago | (#442715)

Note that the law specifies commercial gain. Exploiting images depicting an anvil falling toward the head of a coyote, or said yodel dog holding a stick of dynamite about to explode, would then be an obvious violation. I know for a fact that there is a commercial organization profiting from such images, and the FBI clearly ought to be pursuing them.

A joke? (1)

TBadiuk (14048) | more than 13 years ago | (#442716)

People thought J. Dalhmer's posts about eating people to usenet were a joke too. Whoops.

Would it really have hurt them to put a "this is a parody" disclaimer at the bottom of the site?

I first saw the site when www.memepool.com linked to it a while back. I wasn't sure if it was a parody or not, and I'm pretty jaded. I guess it all boils down to responsibility.

If I had a "how to kill your neighbours" site and posted (faked) pictures, do you think I should get investigated? Maybe a we should consider people reporting crimes to 911 as just 'pranks' to?

Were do you draw the line?

Ted

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

/dev/zero (116295) | more than 13 years ago | (#442717)

The fact that you can't countenance the idea of someone taking offense at what someone else says makes you just as politically correct and fascist as the authorities trying to take the site down.

No, it doesn't.

There is a world of difference between Karma Sink writing a message disagreeing with you and government wielding force to silence someone.

In other words, there is a difference between speech and force.

Gordon.

Not to mention... (1)

ShaunC (203807) | more than 13 years ago | (#442718)

All those roadkill pictures at steakandcheese have got to go. Quick, somebody get me the number for the FBI! That flattened squirrel is a clear sign of drivers' disregard for animals, and the perpetrators must be prosecuted at once. We don't take Interstate Trafficking of Dead Animal Pictures lightly 'round these parts.

Shaun

Re:Guestbook fun (2)

Fervent (178271) | more than 13 years ago | (#442719)

hydrodynamics, audiodynamics, political theology, and aerodynamics

Sorry. Names in scientific fields, where the stakes for fame are so high, don't readily come to mind.

--------
Carmack is an elitist, pseudonerd bastard.

Free speech... wait... WHAT? (1)

MongooseCN (139203) | more than 13 years ago | (#442720)

How does condeming the content of this site have anything to do with free speech?? Personally if these people really are sticking cats in jars then they should personally be crammed into a jar like so and the site taken off line. Now while I do believe in free speech, the problem with a site like this is that to take the picture would involve injuring an animal, and physically injuring animals to take an amusing photo is not free speech! If it was computer generated or faked properly then I don't really care if it's up or not if it makes a few people happy.

Also another problem with these kinds of sites is that even if this content was not intended to be real, there are always idiots in this world that will think it is real and really try it.

Re:Sigh... (1)

Ig0r (154739) | more than 13 years ago | (#442721)

That would be a bit messy if you actually tried to fit a cat inside a klein bottle.

--

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

cthugha (185672) | more than 13 years ago | (#442722)

There is a world of difference between Karma Sink writing a message disagreeing with you and government wielding force to silence someone.

True enough, although I didn't appreciate being told to get off /. simply because I had the temerity to strongly disagree with a particular idea or point of view.

I do hope that was a parody (1)

StarTux (230379) | more than 13 years ago | (#442723)

I knew it was going to be bad, and it was ...

To phrase the immortal words of Queen Victoria:

"We are not amused"

If its not a parody I hope he end up in jail and that they yank his website down.

I do believe in freedom, but thats not expression in freedom, but an expression in cruelty.

Still even if its a parody I do not find it humorous at all.

Try this pic (2)

ShaunC (203807) | more than 13 years ago | (#442724)

http://shat.net/bonsaifbi.jpg [shat.net]

Disclaimer: that poor sap is not an FBI agent (that I know of). I found him on that "Am I a total raving dork, or not? Why don't I put my ugly mug in front of thousands of people!" site, glass bottle courtesy essentialsupplies.com. There, now I can't be sued.

Shaun

Eh. It was pretty weak. (1)

dave-fu (86011) | more than 13 years ago | (#442725)

They didn't even show her pissing on her commander.
Gator Bait is a better watch altogether.

Umm what?? (1)

MrP- (45616) | more than 13 years ago | (#442726)

"In December 1999, President Clinton signed a law that makes it a federal felony to possess "a depiction of animal cruelty" with the intent to distribute across state lines"

Does this mean if I buy a Tom & Jerry cartoon on video and sell it to someone in another state I'm going to get arrested? Hmm

-----

Dude, where's my cat ? (1)

FurryLogic (118551) | more than 13 years ago | (#442727)

Everyone oughtta know from ACME physics that a cat will assume the shape of its container... at least i grew up knowing this.

wurd.
-fl

Sigh... (4)

kaphka (50736) | more than 13 years ago | (#442728)

Count the FBI among the many visitors to bonsaikitten.com who are anything but amused at the descriptions of how to use muscle relaxant, feeding tubes and Klein bottles to shape a perfect Bonsai Cat.
For those of you who aren't clued in (i.e. the FBI and Wired, apparently,) Klein bottles [kleinbottle.com] cannot exist in our universe. That kinda makes it unlikely that they are being used to abuse kittens.

Er, since I'm addressing the humor-impaired, I should probably point out that http://www.kleinbottle.com [kleinbottle.com] is a joke as well.

I better remove my Cat BBQ Page !!! (1)

tarbabyxxxx (241558) | more than 13 years ago | (#442729)

Well I have taken down the pictures of me and my friends at our annual Cat BBQ. I wouldn't want the FBI to track me down and put me in prison.

Carnivorie has been renamed to the Dynamic Cat Snoop 1000!

Get a life people!

Sentiment in literature (3)

blonde rser (253047) | more than 13 years ago | (#442730)

Salinger sights R. H. Blyth's definition of sentimentallity as "when we give to a thing more tenderness than God gives to it." Salinger's example is then given as "God undoubtedly loves kittens, but not, in all probability, with Technicolor booties on their paws."

(try not to get too caught up in the word God... this does not have to be a religious statement) Basicly all I'm trying to say with Salinger's words (because he does have the ability to be a lot more straight forward than myself) is that when it comes to kittens many people lose the ability to observe things rationally. But before you judge these people too hard think if you do the same thing yourself. Did Pay it Forward "move" you? Or did you believe that Traffic was a "powerful" movie?

If so then you have fallen for the same crime. Pay it Forward seemed to move you because it kills a child in the last 5 minutes which the audience responds to with sentiment. And Traffic associates itself with a very important argument but in itself does not have a strong plot, characters, or pasing but because we see strength in the argument we see strengths in the movie which simply aren't there. All I'm trying to point out is that we all show a lack of objectivity at times when it comes to sentiment but that doesn't mean we should be chastized for it. Ofcourse there are those who will over react to images of kittens so lets point out their error and move on. And maybe we can even learn from their mistakes.

Ofcourse if they try to defend themselves then we can flame them.

la la la (1)

eudas (192703) | more than 13 years ago | (#442731)

"It's totally promoting animal cruelty," Allanach said. "They consider it a sick joke. People will take it seriously. Animal cruelty is not funny. Animal torture is not funny. We would like bonsaikitten.com to be removed permanently."
they won't even give us credit for being intelligent enough to define parody, humor, or cruelty for ourselves. i'm insulted, and offended. it's totally promoting knee jerk responses from the public. i consider this statement to be a sick joke. people will take it seriously. this kind of political crpa is not funny. i would like their rights to free speech to be removed permanently.

eudas

You don't get it, do you? (1)

megaduck (250895) | more than 13 years ago | (#442732)

Actually, I think that you're missing the point. Information technology is neither good nor bad, it's just a tool. The outrage over carnivore stems from the chosen use of that tool.

I think Napster is good because it allows people to freely spread music. I think Carnivore is bad because it restricts my right to free speech and free assembly. It's essentially the same tool, but a totally different use, and therefore gets a different reaction.

Re:Hey now... (1)

kaphka (50736) | more than 13 years ago | (#442734)

Kleinbottle.com isn't a joke. They do indeed deliver fine, hand-crafted 3D immersions of 4D Klein bottles. I'm happy to report that the non-orientability of the bottle is unaffected by the lack of a fourth dimension.
Yeah, I knew somebody would call me on that. However, although I don't really have the topology credentials to justify being this picky, it's my understanding that the things sold on that site are not real Klein bottles.

Re:Sigh... (3)

AaronStJ (182845) | more than 13 years ago | (#442735)

Er, since I'm addressing the humor-impaired, I should probably point out that http://www.kleinbottle.com is a joke as well.

Err, are you sure. His website makes it fairly clear that he really is selling Klein bottles:

Are you serious, or is this some kind of joke?


I do sell glass Klein Bottles. I fill orders quickly and guarantee satisfaction. Over a hundred presumably happy mathematicians now own my Klein Bottles.

He explains all about the topology of a klein bottle, admits that what he makes aren't klein bottles in the truest sense, but merely a 3d immersion of a klein bottle. I'd have to say that you're wrong, this guy really is seelinf klein bottles. And he even accepts paypal.

Re:My Cats will bloody well climb into anything... (1)

StarTux (230379) | more than 13 years ago | (#442737)

I have cats and still do not find it funny. Yes they do like to hide in things, but come on now, its still sick.

Mirror that site! (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442738)

http://www.cruel.com/sub/bonsaikitten.zip

Re:Bullshit... (1)

mj01nir (153067) | more than 13 years ago | (#442739)

I tried. I really did. But I couldn't help myself. I just *had* to tweak these people. I can't wait to see what kind of response shows up in my fake e-mail address. Maybe I can forward the best ones to bonsaikitten.com for them to post...

Are these people kidding? If they want the web sanitized, prehaps they should remember how effective book burning has been [usf.edu] . They might change their minds...

it's funny. period. (3)

thex23 (206256) | more than 13 years ago | (#442740)

This is from the bonsaikitty.com site:

At only a few weeks of age, a kitten's bones have not yet hardened and become osseous. They are extremely soft and springy. In fact, if you take a week-old kitten and throw it to the floor, it will actually bounce! We do not recommend that you try this at home. The kitten may bounce under the furniture and be difficult to retrieve, as well as covered in unsightly household dust

I actually laughed out loud when I read this. I mean, come ON! How stupid do you have to be not to see this is a joke? Could it be any more deadpan?

And I don't for a second buy the argument that parody invites people to harm their pets. The REAL problem with pets these days are owners who don't take care of them properly, let them get hurt, breed indescriminately, and generally treat them as poorly as they treat their human pets, er.. children.

I found cat-drowing scenes in the movie Gummo to be truly disturbing, but I didn't for a SECOND think that the film should be banned and the producers brought to trial. How ridiculous!

The animal rights people can't develop a functioning sense of humour, they should at least be a little more tolerant.
The FBI needs to get a fucking grip.

We thieves, we liars, we vandals, and poets. Networked agents of Cthulhu Borealis.

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

MsGeek (162936) | more than 13 years ago | (#442741)

I admit, I was fooled by this site...for a total of five minutes.

This is sick humor, but humor nonetheless. Grow a sense of humor, Cthugha.


----
http://www.msgeek.org/ -- All your estrogen are belong to us!

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

the unbeliever (201915) | more than 13 years ago | (#442742)

Actually, he's got just as much right to be offended as they have to post offensive pictures.
That wonderful freedom of speech thing again...

the unbeliever
aim:dasubergeek99
yahoo!:blackrose91
ICQ:1741281

Once Again (2)

Bluesee (173416) | more than 13 years ago | (#442743)

I simply cannot believe that the FBI has subpoenaed this site.

But, to them, this may look a lot like that old 'Date Rape' site that gave tips and helpful hints on how to get your girl down (should be illiegal? ask your judge). Or perhaps they could put it in the same category as virtual kiddie porn (I think this should be illegal, but thats my opinion).

You know, 'we're not judges, we can't tell if its illegal or not, let's just appease the meowies of the world by doing what we do best: harrassing the crap out of people we don't like.'

People need to lighten up, and the FBI needs to stop supporting such tight-sphincter behavior. If I was the site owner, I wouldn't worry, but if this man is prosecuted for Anything, we all should protest.

On a side note, troll technology was developed right here in /. laboratories, so we can all feel proud of ourselves. In my opinion, flames, trolls, bonsai kittens, and natalieportmanhotgritsdinnerplatesizedgoat pics are

"The Cost of Doing Business in a Free America"

but Carnivore and Echelon shouldn't be.

Re:A joke? (1)

ShaunC (203807) | more than 13 years ago | (#442744)

>Would it really have hurt them to put a "this is a parody"
>disclaimer at the bottom of the site?

Hindsight is always 20/20. They'll think twice about that next time - or maybe not. There's no notice up there yet, and I assume they still have control of the site.

>If I had a "how to kill your neighbours" site and posted (faked)
>pictures, do you think I should get investigated?

Of course not. Have you done a websearch for the Anarchist's Cookbook lately? "How to make a pipe bomb" and "How to burn through asphalt with iron filings and a match" are mirrored about a jillion times. Should they be investigated?

>Were do you draw the line?

See above. For every copy of "How to make a pipe bomb" there's probably five websites selling fireworks, willing to ship to any address in the US. And for every pyrotechnics company on the web, there are probably ten times as many knife dealers. Just because something could be dangerous doesn't mean it is - yet, unfortunately, we're getting to a point where people *expect* the government to step in "just in case."

I think common sense ought to dictate where to draw the line, but clearly that's not what's happening (e.g. Starcraft clan busted, 6 year old with chicken finger arrested). When you make a practice of investigating everything, you'll never get anywhere... But I guess that's our government in a nutshell these days.

Shaun

Re:Evidence of animal abuse (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442745)

It is a parody, but the creators were ultimately too subtle for their own good. It will be interesting to see if this goes anywhere beyond the cover of some news sites, mit has a decent grasp of both electronic and traditional legalities regarding everyting from copyright law to freedom of speech. penman

Cat-Scan.com (1)

Myriad (89793) | more than 13 years ago | (#442746)

Heheh, reminds me a lot of Cat Scan [cat-scan.com] , a site dedicated to stuffing your kitty into a flatbed and hitting the scan button.

There are some pretty hilarious pictures from the original contest [http] that started it all (near the bottom of the page).

Hey now... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 13 years ago | (#442747)

Kleinbottle.com isn't a joke. They do indeed deliver fine, hand-crafted 3D immersions of 4D Klein bottles. I'm happy to report that the non-orientability of the bottle is unaffected by the lack of a fourth dimension.

Stupid question (1)

Mr.roboto (112555) | more than 13 years ago | (#442748)

In the article it mentions that "It isn't because we were worried about negative privacy publicity. If it was, we would have changed (the name) months ago," Why change the name at all then if you aren't concerned? "Carnivore" will stick I bet, regardless of whatever it's renamed.

Re:Bonsai cats? Yurgh! (1)

cthugha (185672) | more than 13 years ago | (#442749)

If you're offended, tough. It's that damn freedom of speech thing again. If there's a law against simulating putting kittens in jars, that law is unconstitutional.

Read my original post. I didn't say that they shouldn't be allowed to put material like this up; my point was that if it looks real, then it is legitimately the subject of an investigation into cruelty, and that freedom of speech allows me to pass comment just as much as it allows the site authors to create the original material. I probably wasn't very clear about it, for which I apologize.

Re:Sigh... (1)

kaphka (50736) | more than 13 years ago | (#442752)

He explains all about the topology of a klein bottle, admits that what he makes aren't klein bottles in the truest sense, but merely a 3d immersion of a klein bottle. I'd have to say that you're wrong, this guy really is seelinf klein bottles. And he even accepts paypal.
I know, I wasn't really clear about that... He is selling something, but they're not actually Klein bottles. Anyway, it's still a joke, in that it's obvious that the site is primarily intended to be humorous.

Re:DCS1000 (1)

Rix (54095) | more than 13 years ago | (#442753)

Sounds like it stands for Digital Carnivore System to me...
Cheers,

Rick Kirkland

Hypocrites, all... (2)

coupland (160334) | more than 13 years ago | (#442754)

"It's totally promoting animal cruelty," Allanach said. "They consider it a sick joke. People will take it seriously. Animal cruelty is not funny."

And how many of the same people watch TV shows where cops shoot at bad guys or people drive recklessly? It's not entertainment, people will take it seriously! Entertainment is wrong because someone, somewhere will take it seriously. Fun is a sickness, I say!


---

Re:My Cats will bloody well climb into anything... (3)

TandyMasterControl (136043) | more than 13 years ago | (#442755)

I don't think the guy "needs to be punished" but I am sort of glad that the FBI would take this seriously as a interstate crime if real. I went to the site having seen a link to it through eightball (or something) I cringed, I felt nauseous and I realized- after a while of reading- that it had to be a joke. Hopefully. 99% positive. And though it continue(s,d) to disturb the hell out of me, I resolved not to lose any sleep over it. That's the end of it. For me.
But that's not the way the FBI works. They made the usual inquiries about the website's operator just doing their job even though I am sure the investigators had already arrived at a conclusion that this was a hoax and that no real conspiracy to harm animals existed. But that isn't the end of their interest, because although the MIT student was not serious about this horrible "practice" some of the people coming to the site were. The FBI would be interested in people who seriously requested more information from Bonsaikitten, Inc. on the "product". Such people may be just following a joke out a little further than the average person, or they may themselves be engaged in real interstate traffic in controlled animals, illegal animal products, or mistreated animals.
And if so I want them caught and punished.
Of course there is always an On the Other Hand to that - the FBI may become suspicious of people who are not mistreating animals but who are merely weird, the kind of person who might leave a prospectus or brochure for BonsaiKitten on their coffee table, the way someone might have a collection of Angola State Prison Rodeo Programs in their office. Not sick but just possessed of a sick sense of humor. And whatever associated weirdnesses they engage in, may fall under inordinate suspicion from the Bureau next year.
Moreover, someone who asked for Bonsai kitten literature may not prove to be hurting animals at all, but they could be the kind of person -so Bureau logic could go- more likely to be involved in drug trade of the herbacious and hallucinatory kind, or more likely to be involved in kitty pr0n. By their online behavior they are self-selecting themselves for Jedgar's disproportionate scrutiny - just by visiting a "suspect site" and not fleeing in horror like good citizens. As the inventor of profiling methodology at the Hoover Institute for Inspecting People's Underwear used to explain: to identify arsonists you have local law enforcement take pictures of the crowds that show up at good-sized fires. The arsonists are the ones urinating in their pants or beating off with their hands in their pockets. They didn't start this fire perhaps, and maybe they've never started any dangerous fire yet, but they'll be the guys responsible for the next ones. No doubt using this method they will catch some arsonists and some kitty mistreaters. But some of the people identified here and now as future suspects of future crime in this way may actually just have been fishing for their keys, or were sprayed by the firetruck. These people could possibly suffer real consequences for crimes only imagined to have happened by the secret police.

And yeah back to one of your points, many cat breeders need to be forced into mason jars themselves. I'd request more info on that!

Re:Bullshit... (1)

StarTux (230379) | more than 13 years ago | (#442757)

You are entitled to your opinion, even though most of it consisted of the word "fuck". Maybe you are not getting enough???

Anyway, I have to disagree, its a disgusting site, but should only stay if its really not true (and makes that clear somewhere on his site...)

If its true then its goodbye and goodriddance.

Simple enough huh? No civilization should condone cruelty against animals, if ti does then its not civilized.

Re:Offensive, but protected (2)

Sloppy (14984) | more than 13 years ago | (#442761)

Of course, this assumes that there is no actual cruelty occuring. If that is not the case, then an appropriate punishment for those responsible would involve a locked room and several hungry tigers.

And, of course, the tigers are entitled to make a web site with pictures of the hilarity that ensues.


---

Re:I do hope that was a parody (5)

Skyhawk_Dreamer (314720) | more than 13 years ago | (#442763)

No it is not a parody. It is called "satire". But regardless if you have never heard this term, I'm really trying to get a handle on the degree of stupidity necessary for one to truely believe the US Government issues Kitticulture Permits for the express purpose of "shaping" kittens by inserting them into Klein jars that have no opening using a shoehorn. Is the government secrety contaminating the water again?

Remember back in your younger days when we all had to read A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html where the author proposes the solution of cooking and eating Irish babies? There was no indication that this was a "satire" making fun of lessor proposals at that time to deal with the Irish "problem".

I suggest learning what satire is, and how it has been used in literature, art, and media for ages. The Bonsai Kitten site makes fun of those who wish to twist, shape, and modify nature to suite our whims and convenience - even our vanity!!

The article is part of the prank, right? (2)

stefanlasiewski (63134) | more than 13 years ago | (#442765)

OK, so we all know that Bonsaikitten is a prank site. Who else here belives that the article [wired.com] is also part of the prank, and that Declan McCullagh is either part of, or was fooled by, the prank. If it IS part of the prank, Dr. Michael Wong Chang is doing pretty well so far.

I'm gonna have to take this one with a huge friggen grain of salt.

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