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Jedi Master's Hand-Made Lightsaber Stolen

samzenpus posted more than 2 years ago | from the lost-your-weapon-you-have dept.

Crime 174

First time accepted submitter psiogen writes "Flynn Michael, an instructor at New York Jedi, an organization that teaches 'practical knowledge of how to use a lightsaber, left his custom-crafted blade for only a few imperial minutes, but when he returned, it was gone. From the article:'“Who steals somebody’s lightsaber? It’s like stealing someone’s toy out of the sandbox,” said Michael, the founder of New York Jedi, a stage combat performance group. “I finally got my uber custom saber, and then some jerk walks out with it."'"

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Jawas Did It (5, Funny)

Anne_Nonymous (313852) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974729)

>> Who steals somebody's lightsaber?

It was probably a Jawa. They'll take just about anything that isn't nailed down.

Re:Jawas Did It (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974771)

That's rac... er... specist!

Re:Jawas Did It (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975195)

Actually, there's a real word you're looking for there. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speciesism

Re:Jawas Did It (5, Funny)

punker (320575) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974807)

Clearly the work of a Sith.

Re:Jawas Did It (3, Funny)

steelfood (895457) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975533)

Yeah, I bet it was the guys from the Sith Academy a few blocks over.

After all, Jedi don't steal.

Re:Jawas Did It (4, Funny)

jbeaupre (752124) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975407)

It was probably a Jawa.

I always called them New Yorker.

Re:Jawas Did It (3, Funny)

Sparx139 (1460489) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976317)

Replying to undo accidental downmod, please ignore.

Re:Jawas Did It (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38976477)

Totally. I parked in this dodgy neighborhood on Tatooine one time. I came back out five minutes later and my landspeeder was up on cinder blocks. The repulsorlifts and radio were gone.

Re:Jawas Did It (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977271)

Where's your evidence? Do you have photos, video, errant droids with holograms or have they tried to sell you the lightsaber? No!?

I'm sick of the anti-Jawa bias on /.

Sometimes I'm disgusted with /.

Re:Jawas Did It (5, Funny)

Ashenkase (2008188) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977593)

POOOOONNN TEEEE NEEEEE !!!!!

A Real Jedi (5, Informative)

rhook (943951) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974737)

Always carries his Lightsaber with him.

Re:A Real Jedi (5, Funny)

phrostie (121428) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975081)

A real Jedi could use the force to find it.

Re:A Real Jedi (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975335)

Real light sabers were only made up to a certain point, some time ago, and even then, they were only made quite a ways from here.

If this guy really had one, he knows how to accomplish space AND time travel. So, please, lightsaber jedi master guy that I hope reads slashdot, can I bum a ride back with you? Also, know where I can find a sexy blue Twi'lek when we get there? (female preferred, but willing to experiment).

Re:A Real Jedi (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977355)

A real Jedi could use the force to find it.

Real Jedi would have known the thief's thoughts, feigned ignorance dashingly, and at the last possible second, with cat-like reflexes and blinding accuracy, used the Pull Force to weild the lightsaber - just as the thief was closing their fingers upon it -/a "vroom" sound and a shot of a dismembered hand falling to the floor/ then causually go about his business, humbly leaving something for the mess before exiting unnoticed.

Re:A Real Jedi (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975141)

Oh, snap!

Re:A Real Jedi (-1, Offtopic)

HomelessInLaJolla (1026842) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975395)

Alephel [slashdot.org] (Hermes Trismegistus [wikipedia.org] , Abu Musaf Jabir ibn Hayan, etc.) has a stick with a gum wrapper and a pair of sunglasses wrapped around it. The gum wrapper is the inspiration for "tight enough to press a piece of coal into a diamond and then squeeze it flat", the broken sunglasses are featured in a large percentage (eg. Terminator, Matrix, Mummy, Con Air) of popular Hollywood movies to signify the portion of the movie at which the descendants of Noah run out of money and the real rich heavyweights must step in to finish the script.

Your lightsabre is clearly not the real real [slashdot.org] thing.

Re:A Real Jedi (4, Funny)

a_nonamiss (743253) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977635)

I'm pretty sure most of that was English, but you lost me pretty early on there...

Swords (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974743)

Sword collectors are funny.

Re:Swords (4, Insightful)

interval1066 (668936) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975001)

Sword collectors are one thing, a Jedi instructor is... well, just kinda weird. You can't really train with an actual light saber, and you can't really choke people from a distance. Which only really leaves Ninja skills. So the best the guy can be is a a Ninja instructor, really.

Re:Swords (5, Funny)

Pseudonymus Bosch (3479) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975813)

I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

Re:Swords (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38976291)

Yeah? Well I think you should go suck... hrrk.... ngnhhh... ugyh.... (thud!)

Re:Swords (3, Insightful)

oodaloop (1229816) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977309)

Bosch, I've flown one one side of the galaxy to the other and I've never seen anything that led me to believe there's some all powerful force controlling everything. It's all a bunch of simple tricks and nonsense.

"I have decremented your lightsaber supply. Pray (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977389)

that I do not decrement it further."

Re:Swords (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975975)

You can't really train with an actual light saber, and you can't really choke people from a distance.

Finally, someone grounded in reality, I couldn't agre-guguguguguh...

Re:Swords (4, Informative)

bigstrat2003 (1058574) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976487)

I watched one of the videos on the linked site, and he doesn't seem to be making any pretense to be teaching anything other than stage combat. So I don't think that this guy is some deluded sap who thinks that lightsaber fighting is a real skill or anything.

Re:Swords (2)

king neckbeard (1801738) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976503)

You can totally choke people from a distance, you just have to be creative. Shoot something down someone's throat, and they'll definitely choke. It's not easy, of course, but that's why you have to train.

Re:Swords (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977031)

you can't really choke people from a distance

Sure I can. [webstaurantstore.com]

Re:Swords (2)

thunderclap (972782) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977133)

Sword collectors are one thing, a Jedi instructor is... well, just kinda weird. You can't really train with an actual light saber, and you can't really choke people from a distance. Which only really leaves Ninja skills. So the best the guy can be is a a Ninja instructor, really.

Actually you can choke someone from a distance. Oh you mean like Darth Vader does. No you can't do that.
As for teaching people to swing a lightsaber around, her is still teaching them basic swordsmanship. Don't scoff, they might be your salvation in the zombie apocalypse.

Re:Swords (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977275)

"and you can't really choke people from a distance."

I see you've never smelled one of "those" farts.

Always leave prized possessions. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974765)

I always leave my expensive prized possessions laying around in a highly populated area. Bonus points if you don't know any of these people very well.

Re:Always leave prized possessions. (5, Funny)

Dinghy (2233934) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976861)

Oh you mean like a prototype version of the next iPhone?

That's ok ... (3, Insightful)

recrudescence (1383489) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974781)

He can buy a few hundred more after this slashvertisment (minus covering the slashdotted server costs, of course)

Re:That's ok ... (5, Funny)

Deathnerd (1734374) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974819)

God knows he's not gonna spend it on his website. I thought sites like that died with Netscape!

Re:That's ok ... (5, Informative)

Bobfrankly1 (1043848) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976293)

God knows he's not gonna spend it on his website. I thought sites like that died with Netscape!

Even better, he's using a Star Trek TNG font for his header and logo!

Registration Now! (4, Funny)

naota-kun (705771) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974797)

Another weapon in the hands of criminals. National lightsaber registration now!

Re:Registration Now! (2)

oodaloop (1229816) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976621)

When the Jedi are outlawed, only outlaw Jedis will have lightsabers.

Re:Registration Now! (2)

EdIII (1114411) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976931)

That reminds of me of that t-shirt with Darth Vader on it saying, "Lighsabers don't kill people, I kill people".

this exists? (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974829)

are these people allergic to vaginas?

Re:this exists? (4, Insightful)

HaZardman27 (1521119) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975619)

Yes, particularly the females which are clearly shown in the video on his website. You're reading slashdot, "news for nerds." Why does making fun of other nerds make you feel cool?

Re:this exists? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38976033)

What is this "vagina" you speak of?

        - Regular reader of /.

Re:this exists? (4, Funny)

EdIII (1114411) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976955)

When your mom brings down your Hot Pockets ask her.

Re:this exists? (3, Funny)

Gilmoure (18428) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977249)

You're familiar with his mom's hot pocket?

Re:this exists? (1)

Macgrrl (762836) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977693)

I didn't know her name was Ignis [wowhead.com] .

Re:this exists? (1)

thunderclap (972782) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977163)

Are you suggesting they are gay? That's mighty homophobic of you.

Re:this exists? (5, Funny)

Auroch (1403671) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977587)

Are you suggesting they are gay? That's mighty homophobic of you.

Yeah, come on, sometimes a giant, fluorescent representation of the strength of your manhood is just a giant, fluorescent representation of your manhood, NOTHING MORE MOVE ALONG.

Only one fitting punishment (1)

darth_MALL (657218) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974835)

Force-crush the perps' larynx

He is not a Jedi yet (1)

thomas.kane (2515292) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974841)

This one still has much to learn. "This weapon is your life"

Re:He is not a Jedi yet (0)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975215)

So does whatever moron wrote that line.

These... (1)

jamstar7 (694492) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974843)

... are not the Jedi you're looking for...

You can go about your business...

Move along...

Uber saber, Ultra saber (1)

MDMurphy (208495) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974867)

Some steals his über saber. But just his luck, his web site advertises ultra sabers. Sounds close enough to me.

All your saber... (0)

ravenscar (1662985) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974885)

are belong to us!

Seriously (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974889)

Why the f*** would I care ?

The Sith???? (1)

isotope23 (210590) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974893)

Come on.

If some people are attracted to the light side, there are going to be some attracted to the dark side as well.....
As a "jedi" he should know this.

To find them he just needs to yell out "Hey Darth!!!" in a crowd.

Re:The Sith???? (1)

EdIII (1114411) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976987)

To find them he just needs to yell out "Hey Darth!!!" in a crowd.

Oh my god. You people are killing me tonight.

You don't need help to find a 7' foot tall asthmatic asshole in a crowd dressed completely in black with a Light Bright set on his torso with a huge helmet. I don't think they really considered if ol' Darth was going to blend into a crowd when they made him.

website (1)

mZHg (2035814) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974917)

For god sake NY Jedi, pay for a web designer !

A disturbence (1)

Picardo85 (1408929) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974921)

A disturbence in the force I sense. Like the scream of millions of star wars fans suffering it sounds.

Keep it on you (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974957)

I always keep my lightsaber in my pants.

Repeat after me Padawan : (5, Funny)

unity100 (970058) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974971)

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no saber, wtf dude !?!?!

The TSA (4, Funny)

Kaenneth (82978) | more than 2 years ago | (#38974985)

At least he didn't try and take it though airport security.

Re:The TSA (2)

DigiShaman (671371) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975529)

Is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Into the scanner you go. Move along please.

Re:The TSA (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975885)

OW my sperm!

Re:The TSA (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975927)

Me: "He doesn't need to go through the scanner."

Re:The TSA (1)

pwizard2 (920421) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976575)

The Sith approach for handling TSA personnel would be: (choose one option)

A. Force choke
B. Force lightning
C. Lightsaber through the face

Face it, the Sith have it much better. If you're a Sith, you get to wear black, you get a badass red lightsaber, chicks want you, and you don't have to take shit from anyone.

Re:The TSA (1)

Auroch (1403671) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977609)

Face it, the Sith have it much better. If you're a Sith, you get to wear black, you get a badass red lightsaber, chicks want you, and you don't have to take shit from anyone.

... unless you've seen any of the movies, and realize they tend to lead terribly unfulfilled lives with sub-par contractors and bipolar co-workers who graciously point out the flaws in the recent reno you just did on your floor by throwing you down a giant pit right beside your favorite la-z-boy...

Japanese Jedi (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38974999)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OtKH1yOWUg

Best comment under original article (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975027)

His mom took it.

She said it was time to grow up, if you were old enough to drink in a bar, you are old enough to take care of your toys.

She sold it at a yard sale for $3. The guy who bought it said he was going to take the batteries out and throw the rest away.

Sith Lord (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975075)

Obviously it was a Sith Lord.

Use the Force (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975083)

You might find it, young padawan.

nerd aside, a Jedi makes his own light-saber therefor this guy is just a Padawan.

Whew. (1)

JeanCroix (99825) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975091)

Good thing Obi-Wan didn't set his saber down under the bar, otherwise the trilogy would have been over pretty quick.

Which saber, again? (1)

Ambiguous Coward (205751) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975155)

On the website, there's a picture of the item in question, but I'm not convinced that's the light saber he's looking for.

It’s like stealing someone’s toy out o (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975201)

It’s like stealing someone’s toy out of the sandbox........ Actually it's exactly like that.

/. Idle? (2)

iRommel (1684036) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975265)

Is this not a prime candidate for Idle? :/

Re:/. Idle? (1)

iRommel (1684036) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975277)

My bad, it seems to be there too :s

Oh my god... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975273)

I was embarrassed just watching that silly 3 basic strike video on his site.

Your rights offworld (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975329)

In a galaxy far, far away

Wanker (1)

koan (80826) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975445)

A true Jedi never leaves his weapon lying about to be stolen, you shall be slashdotted for this.

nek minnit (1)

Ripping Silk (582933) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975481)

Left my lightsabre outside the dairy today..... nek minnit [urbandictionary.com] .........

Who steals somebody’s lightsaber? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975521)

> Who steals somebody’s lightsaber?

Probably his business partner so that they could get a PR piece in the media.

Re:Who steals somebody’s lightsaber? (1)

Sulphur (1548251) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975803)

> Who steals somebody’s lightsaber?

Probably his business partner so that they could get a PR piece in the media.

Its a PR stunt then?

The saddest part of this... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975653)

is that this dude thinks he is a Jedi Master. Also, a New Yorker who leaves valuables unguarded? Not to diss the Big Apple, I wouldn't try this in any city, well, anywhere!

The thief is the bigger wanker to be clear. However our intrepid "Jedi Master" acts like a naive kid from Tatooine.

Re:The saddest part of this... (1)

Sulphur (1548251) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975817)

is that this dude thinks he is a Jedi Master. Also, a New Yorker who leaves valuables unguarded? Not to diss the Big Apple, I wouldn't try this in any city, well, anywhere!

The thief is the bigger wanker to be clear. However our intrepid "Jedi Master" acts like a naive kid from Tatooine.

Dont be dissing any Apples here.

As Lily Tomlin said... (1)

Bob Cat - NYMPHS (313647) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975791)

New York is always knowing where your light saber is.

This happened to me before (4, Funny)

Sean0michael (923458) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975793)

I've also lost a lightsaber in the past.

I had a fight with my dad, and it got pretty heated. He ended up cutting off my hand, and I dropped it. I felt really shafted. It was a traumatic experience for me. It worked out in the end, as it turned out it was his lightsaber anyway, and I built my own shortly thereafter. I also got a new hand (you can't really build a lightsaber with just one hand -- I should know!)

--Luke S.

Tragically missing the point (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975877)

I'm almost ashamed to admit knowing this, but the whole point of "learning to fight with a light saber" is the lack of blade. Since the blade is made of light, it has no weight. The only tangible item is the handle. The lack of a counter balance is the biggest hurdle in learning to properly wield a light saber

The pictures in TFA clearly show light saber replicas with something attached to the handle, i.e. a fake blade.

How the hell.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38975915)

..did this make it to the front page? I mean really.

Search everyone exiting your property. (1)

Jackie_Chan_Fan (730745) | more than 2 years ago | (#38975931)

Next time, inform anyone on your property that you are searching them before they leave, to see if they have stolen anything.

He if its good for the US government, why cant we all have our own little police state?

Just post the PERPS picture - Slash-dot him (1)

tg123 (1409503) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976069)

The article said they had the caught suspect on CCTV well enough already show us the picture.
Then everywhere he goes everyone will know him for what his A dirty scummy THIEF!!!
Trust once he has been slash-dotted he will never do it again.

Imperial minutes? (2)

aardvarkjoe (156801) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976087)

left his custom-crafted blade for only a few imperial minutes

Question: is an imperial minute longer or shorter than a parsec?

in the immortal words of darth vader... (1)

liquidsin (398151) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976127)

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

as a side note, apparently this comment violated the "postercomment" compression filter and i should try less whitespace and/or less repetition. knowledge is power!

no (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38976191)

No one leaves something valuable unattended, the morality of people are questionable at best, so to leave something unattended is the fault of the owner. If someone leaves a car running with the keys inside and unlocked the worst charge against someone stealing it is joy riding, a minor offense. But if they started the car by any other means it's grand theft auto, both are the exact same thing but the owners mistake shifts the responsibility for the event on to them. As shitty as it is having things stolen from you, it's on you and you alone to make sure your stuff is safe, no one else.

Padewan Fail You Do (1)

gearloos (816828) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976231)

Is this a double epic fail? 1st fail, playing with a lightsaber and pretending it to be real. Second fail, not following your own fantasy fetish and keeping it on you in case Stormtroopers happen to show up. Double Fail..

No! A unwatched valuable item gets stolen?!? (1, Insightful)

Tolvor (579446) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976571)

Seriously. You valued this item enough that you had it custom made for yourself, your livelihood as a stage performer depends on it, and to some degree it represents some of your identity (being able to call yourself a Jedi, for example). Obviously this item is important. Yet you left this valuable, important item go unwatched "for a few minutes" in a NYC bar. Imagine that, something valuable disappearing in NYC *and* a bar. What are the chances?

I do not understand why you would bring such a valuable item to a bar and not lock it up, and why you would take your eyes off of a valuable item in the first place. Let me put it another way. If I go to football stadium and leave my high performance laptop on my seat while I go get some food and come back and see that the laptop is gone, should I really be that surprised?

Let me give you another case. For reasons unknown Apple employees 'lose' the prototype of the IPhone 4 in a California bar not once but twice. It could be argued that this was a publicity stunt (esp considering the offending employees were not fired) but there was no sympathy for the lost device. In fact a leading tech magazine got it and started working on a tech story on the IPhone4 specs and capabilities until Apple's lawyers persuaded the magazine to give it back to Apple. Did anyone lament the case for Apple? No, there was much mirth and glee on Slashdot on this story. Because it is outrageous and stupid.

You compare this the childish behavior of someone stealing your toy. Respectfully I would disagree and this is the very adult behavior of someone stealing some valuable property. I do not cheer for thieves of any kind, from burglars, pickpockets, muggers, or carjackers. Part of being adult (and one that most people learn as a child) is that there are certain actions that you can take to lessen your risk. This means that we as adults learn to lock our doors and buy home security systems, we don't walk around with money sticking out of pockets, we watch out for dangerous situations, and we are generally careful with the items that we don't want to lose. You did not do this. So while I will not cheer for the thief in this situation, I also will not sympathize much with you either.

I also don't understand why you would publish the incident to the world. You already know who did it (you have them on video, and have confronted them), you know where it is (this isn't a worldwide issue), and you have taken initial action on it (put up flyers around the area). If you still feel a need for action take them to small claims court. Slashdot is not the right tool for your situation.

Everyone (including me) has lost valuable items and has learned an unpleasant truth from it. I wish you the best of luck in getting your lightsaber back.

Re:No! A unwatched valuable item gets stolen?!? (1)

strength_of_10_men (967050) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977443)

Get off your high horse. A lot of more valuable [npr.org] things get forgotten or stolen.

No one WANTS it to happen, but it does. To all of us.

Frankly, I'm trying to figure out why this has put such a bee in your bonnet. So he publicizes it to try to get his saber back. How does that hurt you?

Using the force (1)

Ukab the Great (87152) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976967)

Reporting a $400 lightsaber theft nets the troupe $10,000 in free publicity--a simple jedi mind trick that only works on the weak-minded consumers of media. Oh, wait a second...

Could be an honest mistake... (2)

drfreak (303147) | more than 2 years ago | (#38976989)

Chances are someone there just had an identical one and walked off with it by mistake. I mean, doesn't everyone have a lightsaber nowadays?

TSA takes them rather seriously too (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977123)

Wielded by a toddler, or by a Jedi, the TSA won't have it: http://www.salon.com/2012/01/04/what_do_cupcakes_and_lightsabers_have_in_common/singleton/

I have a question . . . (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#38977277)

what kind of dumbass leaves ANYTHING lying around in New York and expects it to still be there upon return? DUH!

First place to look (1)

Billlagr (931034) | more than 2 years ago | (#38977583)

I'd be checking Mos Eisley Sapceport and see if someone is trying to pawn it. Ive been told that you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
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