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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens

Soulskill posted about 2 years ago | from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.

Movies 481

Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story." Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

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481 comments

It's hte end of the world as we know it. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421249)

And I like turtles.

TMNT: Mostly Sucks (5, Insightful)

busyqth (2566075) | about 2 years ago | (#39421415)

The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.

Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421507)

Amen to this. The original movies were a complete bastardization of the comics. I'm glad that Eastman and Laird were able to make a mint off of their creation though. Unlike most whackos it doesn't bother me that everything after the comics sucked donkey balls. It doesn't change the fact the comics were well written, well drawn and an enjoyable read. My only regret is that I started collecting them at #2 and never got a chance to purchase an original first print of issue number 1.

Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (5, Insightful)

hairyfeet (841228) | about 2 years ago | (#39421711)

But who thinks this is a GOOD idea? anyone? Bueller? I am starting to think that some of these "geniuses" are nothing but VERY lucky hacks. take George Lucas, did you know he wanted to make Indy 3 in a haunted house? or make C3P0 a slimy used car salesman in the original Star Wars? Or that Luke's original name was something like "Rex Starkiller"? I have a feeling these guys are just hacks that luck out in they get people to work with them that take the one or two good germs of ideas they have and get rid of all the schlock and shape it into something good. Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.

While I'm sure most here have seen them for the few that haven't watch the the Plinkett reviews [redlettermedia.com] and pay close attention to the looks on the faces of those around him during the behind the scenes. George will come up with some lame idea and they just smile or let out a really half ass fake laugh and you can see if you look at their eyes they are thinking "WTF? why isn't anyone saying anything? this is a joke, right? Are we being punked?" but nobody has the balls to say anything. I bet Bay is the same way, I bet he could announce that 'Here is the setup, the TMNT are created when Donald Trump gets exposed to radioactive lettuce which gives him a MASSIVE case of the runs and the shit travels through the pipes (which we'll follow with 3D camera work) where it lands in a sewer pipe on some pet store turtles that were flushed down a different crapper, its brilliant!" and everyone gets a queasy look and goes "Wow, that is a great idea Michael, you're the best!"

Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (4, Insightful)

NotQuiteReal (608241) | about 2 years ago | (#39421971)

It's no skin off my nose.

As long as no one straight jackets me and props my eyes open to watch it, I am OK with the fact that it might exist.

It would suck to live in a world where someone could say "no" to economic activity for non-objective reasons... oh, maybe we are too late.

Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks (5, Insightful)

F34nor (321515) | about 2 years ago | (#39421981)

"No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken

This is (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421257)

Retarded.

Re:This is (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421599)

Yeah right.

The guy just keeps resuscitating properties that have been long dead and buried, licensed for somewhere near the price of a six pack of Coors, and turning them into brands worth hundreds of millions of dollars again.

We should all hope to "screw things up" like he does.

Re:This is (2)

Moheeheeko (1682914) | about 2 years ago | (#39421821)

I am fully convinced that the sole reason for this fuckery is that there was not enough room for "Baysplosions" in the original plot, and space was the most likely setting.

First Post (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421259)

What what? Up your Teenage Mutant butt.

"Classic Story" (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421269)

Oh, dear god.

Bay needs to... (0)

F34nor (321515) | about 2 years ago | (#39421273)

...swallow his pride and show us more of Megan Fox's ass.

Re:Bay needs to... (5, Insightful)

DurendalMac (736637) | about 2 years ago | (#39421303)

Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

Re:Bay needs to... (5, Insightful)

b0r0din (304712) | about 2 years ago | (#39421501)

Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.

Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.

Re:Bay needs to... (5, Funny)

rampant mac (561036) | about 2 years ago | (#39421851)

"but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."

She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.

Re:Bay needs to... (2)

hal2814 (725639) | about 2 years ago | (#39421665)

We'll see no more Megan Fox ass. He's too busy showing us the Teenage Alien Intelligence Ninja Turtles.

Re:Bay needs to... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421847)

Couldn't agree more.

Gross (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421279)

Sounds like chafing penis-in-penis secks.

Just what Hollywood needs.... (5, Informative)

scottbomb (1290580) | about 2 years ago | (#39421285)

ANOTHER remake. How sad.

Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... (2)

jamstar7 (694492) | about 2 years ago | (#39421637)

Some reboots haven't been that bad (Battlestar Galactica, Ocean's Eleven). A couple have improved on the original (Battlestar Galactica). Some have been downright awful (Land of the Lost, 21 Jump Street). And some the jury is still out on (Star Trek).

Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... (4, Insightful)

Ihmhi (1206036) | about 2 years ago | (#39421897)

Just stop.

We are very near the point where the free stuff out there is good enough to replace the stuff in theaters and on television (and I'm not talking about The Pirate Bay kinda free). Freeware games. *Excellent* YouTube series. Really original daring stuff.

Just stop watching Hollywood's crap.

And in other news (5, Insightful)

realityimpaired (1668397) | about 2 years ago | (#39421289)

Re:And in other news (2)

jhoegl (638955) | about 2 years ago | (#39421631)

The summary has it wrong, its not 86 minutes of explosions, its 86 minutes of panning around a lead character.

Re:And in other news (2)

strack (1051390) | about 2 years ago | (#39421655)

michael bay is conspiring to squeeze out a coiled turd over everything i watched on early morning cartoon shows as a kid.

Re:And in other news (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421669)

You know, that was all shit anyway. It's not like you had amazing taste as a kid, you just get blinded by nostalgia as a dipshit adult.

Hahahahah (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421297)

Hahahaha. Go, Michael Bay, Go! Make those nerds bawww!

The only thing funnier would be Uwe Boll directing it.

"chill" AND "relax" (5, Insightful)

Rogerborg (306625) | about 2 years ago | (#39421305)

Did... did he just tell us to chillax?

We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.

Fuck him (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421309)

Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT

As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~

Re:Fuck him (3, Funny)

jamstar7 (694492) | about 2 years ago | (#39421663)

Except they're not mutants, ninjas, OR turtles.

Somehow 'Teenage Alien Martial-Arts Turtleoid Lifeforms' just doesn't have that snap to it.

Re:Fuck him (1)

Ihmhi (1206036) | about 2 years ago | (#39421909)

That's as ridiculous as alien power rangers who, like, need water to restore their power or something. Because the original power rangers got turned into kids or some shit.

Justice must prevail. (5, Funny)

oldhack (1037484) | about 2 years ago | (#39421329)

Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.

Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.

should go the other way too (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421429)

What do I get for overcharging for the popcorn? Free sex with sex kittens?

Re:Justice must prevail. (1)

Nursie (632944) | about 2 years ago | (#39421761)

I musn't have had enough coffee, I read it that 'Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to the child protein agencies'.

Soylent green *is* ninja turtles....

Just don't go and see it. (0)

goldcd (587052) | about 2 years ago | (#39421351)

Or am I missing something here?
Not as if he's going to ruin a cinematic legacy.

Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup (3, Funny)

FarrisGoldstein (694412) | about 2 years ago | (#39421355)

The latest: Shredder's not a Japanese gang leader, but a kitchen merchandizing mogul. Baxter Stockman is played by Vince "with the Slap Chop" Offer. You're gonna love his nuts.

Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup (4, Funny)

MightyMartian (840721) | about 2 years ago | (#39421685)

Actually, as much as I think Michael Bay is possibly the most inept and visually retarded filmmaker of all time, I'd probably watch it if Vince Offer was a major character.

Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (5, Interesting)

Kincaidia (927521) | about 2 years ago | (#39421361)

I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

Teenage _____ Ninja _____ (1)

mosb1000 (710161) | about 2 years ago | (#39421421)

Bear in mind that they aren't turtles either. And for all we know they aren't Teenagers or Ninjas. So it might be Normal Adult Fighting Aliens or something like that.

Re:Teenage _____ Ninja _____ (1)

cvas (150274) | about 2 years ago | (#39421587)

So, Teenage Extraterrestrial Ninja...Aliens? With a maybe on the Teenage and Ninja part.

Wait, do they come to Earth and study Ninjutsu or did they know it beforehand? Why would aliens have something called Ninjutsu?

And this alien planet also has a 2nd sentient species that looks like rats, or is Splinter from here? If they are capable of interstellar travel why are they using swords and nunchaku?

I'd usually suggest we wait for a script or at least actual plot details but this is Bay, the script will just be drawings of things blowing up and pages from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

Screw it, bring on the explosions!!!

Re:Teenage _____ Ninja _____ (1)

niftydude (1745144) | about 2 years ago | (#39421745)

Definitely maybe on the teenage part - It is incredibly unlikely that an alien race would mature at the same rate we would - so doubtful that if the aliens are adolescents they would also be teenagers. So not teenage, not mutants, not trained in ancient japanese fighting styles so not ninjas, and not turtles. Just another incredibly naked attempt to leverage an unrelated movie off an existing brand name.

I'd usually suggest we wait for a script or at least actual plot details but this is Bay, the script will just be drawings of things blowing up and pages from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

Screw it, bring on the explosions!!!

Hang on, the explosions are the part you are interested in? I beg to disagree. Bring on the Victoria's Secret models!

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (5, Funny)

SalsaDoom (14830) | about 2 years ago | (#39421465)

I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (3, Funny)

Kjella (173770) | about 2 years ago | (#39421777)

I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

<warning: disturbing mental image> Brokeback on the Seven Seas? </warning>

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (4, Funny)

Ichijo (607641) | about 2 years ago | (#39421477)

It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (1)

Nidi62 (1525137) | about 2 years ago | (#39421515)

It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

So.....Titan AE? Even had all the backstabbing and multiple side switching and whatnot.

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (2)

Black Parrot (19622) | about 2 years ago | (#39421573)

It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

So.....Titan AE? Even had all the backstabbing and multiple side switching and whatnot.

I thought it was a poke at Firefly.

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421647)

Honestly if you ever watched Titan AE, Firefly is really a poke at it (as well as Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Outlaw Star and all the other 'western fi-punk' anime coming out of japan between 1970 and today.

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421653)

Shhhh! Don't give him any more ideas!

Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... (1)

ruiner13 (527499) | about 2 years ago | (#39421675)

If you want to make alien kung-fucking-fu turtles, fine. Just don't call it something it isn't, you filthy fucking hack. Thanks for raping my childhood. Between Bumblebee peeing on a man, to this, I'd really like a way to sanction Bay's no-talent ass. FFS!

YOU chill the fuck out. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421363)

Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

I will not have another classic from my childhood be butchered and mutated in a modern reboot.

You have been warned.

Yes (0)

sootman (158191) | about 2 years ago | (#39421379)

> No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to
> totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story.

Yes, because, as everyone who has taken a high-school level literature class knows, it goes Homer's Odyssey -> Beowulf -> Romeo and Juliet -> War and Peace -> TMNT. All true classics with which ought not be fucked.*

Bay is right. Fans need to chill. The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases. Considering that for 99% of people, their first exposure was the crappy '80s weekday-afternoon cartoon and not the comic (which was originally meant to be a parody in the first place) this really isn't that big of a deal.

The good news is, Vanilla Ice is back in show biz these days [wikipedia.org] so maybe they can get him for this installment too.

* personally I'd stick Robocop in there too but I'm not trying to piss anyone off here.

Re:Yes (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421443)

The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.

Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?

Re:Yes (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421803)

You're totally free to express you're displeasure, and I'm totally free to call you a whiny bitch for getting worked up over something so retarded. Welcome to the circle of freedom of expression.

Re:Yes (4, Insightful)

Dogtanian (588974) | about 2 years ago | (#39421827)

The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.

Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?

Amen. I wasn't- and amn't- a major TMHT (*) fan (**), so I'm not massively upset personally. However, variants of the following stupid argument pop up on Slashdot all the time, namely that "it's a free market / free world therefore they're within their rights to do what they want with their thing / run their company how they like and you're free to not buy it and therefore you're not entitled to complain about it."

All but the last bit in bold may be arguably legitimate- and standard- but for some reason people around here seem to think that because there's a free market and people have the right to make a free choice then they have no right to complain.

Wrong. If "Fanboy Electronic Fashions" makes something I dislike or conducts their business in a manner I disagree with, yes, I don't have to buy it or do business with them (just as they're not obligated to pander to me). This fact *does not* disqualify me from criticising them anyway- whether I choose to buy their stuff or not- nor does it entitle them to protection from criticism. If I don't like the "uPhone" then "you don't have to buy it" doesn't stop me from criticising it, or encouraging others not to buy it- in fact, to believe otherwise pretty much implies you dislike free criticism of products (plus people who *had* bought it could similarly be dismissed with "well, you bought it anyway").

(*) Teenage Mutant *Hero* Turtles, yes, I live in Britain and we got the BBC-approved title ;-)

(**) Probably due to being just a bit too old for the cartoon when it first came out (early to mid teens), though I knew people in my class at school who liked it.

Oh No! (1)

TheRaven64 (641858) | about 2 years ago | (#39421393)

I was about to be really upset, until I remembered that pretty much every other TMNT film or TV series has been pretty terrible too. Maybe the original comics were good, but TMNT is one of the few things I doubt even Michael Bay can make any worse. Plus, it's been 5 years since the last remake, so it definitely needs a new one.

Personally, I'm looking forward to Michael Bay's series of Jane Austen movies. Pride and Prejudice just isn't complete without the alien invasion subplot.

Re:Oh No! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421455)

no zombies http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_and_Prejudice_and_Zombies

This is news? (1)

wanzeo (1800058) | about 2 years ago | (#39421403)

If you didn't know that Michael Bay films are visceral extravaganzas that do not bother with substance, I just told you, so now you do. If you are worried about him ruining our beloved turtles, I doubt future generations will look to a 2012 blockbuster to understand a 1980s cartoon.

Complaining about bad art is like complaining that the ipad is not user serviceable.

Re:This is news? (5, Funny)

wanzeo (1800058) | about 2 years ago | (#39421539)

Reply to self:

After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?

Re:This is news? (2)

PRMan (959735) | about 2 years ago | (#39421559)

And the comic is actually pretty good...

Re:This is news? (4, Insightful)

MightyMartian (840721) | about 2 years ago | (#39421739)

The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too

Re:This is news? (2)

keytoe (91531) | about 2 years ago | (#39421917)

The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too

Completely agreed on that one.

It was GURPS based, so somewhat interchangeable with other systems. Not exactly a hard core RPG since it was pretty easy to cheese out an overpowered character, but my group found it a refreshing change of pace to our long running D&D campaign.

You could slap together a hack and slash, come up with some crazy mutations and skills for your new characters and charge through in a night. Half the fun was rolling characters, so we tended to run one-off scenarios.

Also, the comics are edgy and fun - more so than the cartoon.

Chill because everyone else will see it anyway (1)

Gothmolly (148874) | about 2 years ago | (#39421435)

He's not making it for the fans, he's making it in order to merchandise to younger kids, and when the movie opens, it's a place for teenagers to go to make out. He's not making it for the TMNT Fans, all 12 of them are living in their mom's basement with no spending power.

Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire (4, Insightful)

gelfling (6534) | about 2 years ago | (#39421439)

Calls it Transformers 4.

Re:Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire (4, Insightful)

QuasiSteve (2042606) | about 2 years ago | (#39421615)

I think you meant...
1. Michael Bay takes a shit
2. Sets it on fire
3. Calls it Transformers 4
4. ???
5. Profit. Mad, mad profit.

Transformers 1 - budget: $150M, worldwide gross: $710M
Transformers 2 - budget: $200M, worldwide gross: $836M
Transformers 3 - budget: $195M, worldwide gross: $1123M

The only reason he gets away with this stuff is because he's bringing in umpteen millions on his films so far.

He may flop entirely with TMNT and consequently be pulled from ThunderCats, though. Hollywood can be fickle like that. But then they'll just find somebody else to screw that up :)

TANT? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421445)

TANT? Sounds suspiciously close to "taint", which is what Mr. Bay seems to do to all of my beloved childhood TV shows.

New theme would need some work... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421451)

So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is
 
  "Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
  Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
  Heroes in a Half Shell,
  Alien power!
 
They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
  These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!
 
(Refrain)

 
  Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...

Bay, You need to Chill (1)

adosch (1397357) | about 2 years ago | (#39421545)

WTF is it with Hollywood becoming the most unoriginal and rising as the pinnacle of butchery lately with re-makes, re-takes and spin-offs of original shows or movies? Who gives a hell what Bay's writers are doing to add complexity to the TMNT; it'll be a complete massacre, and in the end, Vanilla Ice can hold his head a little higher since this TMNT production will take his place on the suck-it-all podium in TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze.

and then there's his next project (5, Funny)

Walt Dismal (534799) | about 2 years ago | (#39421571)

Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:

"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.

Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"

Re:and then there's his next project (0)

Darinbob (1142669) | about 2 years ago | (#39421635)

Wizard of Oz is a well loved classic, remakes will butcher it. Star Wars is a well loved classic, remakes did butcher it. TMNT is a ... really sad show from not too long ago, so it doesn't really matter if it gets butchered or not.

Really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421579)

> I assume that Bay has never actually told anyone to “chill” or “relax,” as those are pretty much the most incendiary words you can say to an upset person. [FTFA]

I'm sure there are worse things to say to a person than that. This is all a tempest in a teacup.

I've stayed away from all Michael Bay movies... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421595)

.. since Transformers 2. It was honestly the worst movie I've ever seen.. not even Megan Fox bouncing all over the screen could save it.

How about alien OOZE instead? Monolith in a can! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421621)

Since there isn't any known substance on this planet that can give reptiles sentience, why not a mutagenic compound created by aliens specifically for that purpose? Instant monolith effect. Everything else can stay the same. Even the company that produced the ooze could be a front for an alien conspiracy. Isn't Krang an alien?
It's not really that much of a stretch, just so long as they still mutated from turtles originating on Earth, I'm good.

Of course Mr. Bay won't see it that way. So he can just f#@& off.

Well, cool. (2)

roc97007 (608802) | about 2 years ago | (#39421629)

Michael Bay is single-handedly improving the economy, at least for me, by populating the theaters with movies I have no wish to see.

It can be called TAINT (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421633)

Teenage Alien Intelligence Ninja Turtles

Re:It can be called TAINT (1)

viperidaenz (2515578) | about 2 years ago | (#39421743)

Teenage Artificially Intelligent Ninja Turtles

That'd be cooler, they could have a chip implanted in their brain to increase their intelligence...

Re:It can be called TAINT (1)

CaptainLugnuts (2594663) | about 2 years ago | (#39421937)

My daughter reads the "Hammy the Wonder Hamster" series of books, they use a similar plot device. She's six and has just about outgrown the stories.

Aliens? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421657)

Did we learn nothing from Indiana Jones?

Who cares? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421693)

Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.

Re:Who cares? (4, Funny)

Nidi62 (1525137) | about 2 years ago | (#39421859)

Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.

I'm the submitter, and I care. Coincidentally, I am 25 :)

Is there anything Hollywood won't rape? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#39421701)

that is all

"Fans need to chill" (1)

Len (89493) | about 2 years ago | (#39421727)

> Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

Fans need to ignore Michael Bay and his movies entirely. I've never seen one of Bay's movies, he has never "ruined" anything for me, and I am perfectly content.

You know (3, Insightful)

Weaselmancer (533834) | about 2 years ago | (#39421849)

You know, I honestly don't give a crap about TMNT. Not at all. Never a fan. But this STILL MAKES ME SEETHE.

Why the fuck can't Hollywood EVER GET ANYTHING RIGHT, EVER?

It's like Bryan Singer admitting he never read comic books as a kid. [inspirationalstories.com] So what do they do? Give him the X Men franchise to direct. Great thinking, guys. That's exactly what you want. Directors who never read the source material. Pilots that never read a flight manual. Doctors that never read a book on physiology. Truck drivers that never read the drivers code, driving on the wrong side of the streets. Perfect. And it's not uncommon. Same goes for Tim Burton, [imdb.com] which perfectly explains Edward Bathands.

But this time, I have to be impressed though. This time, the ignorance of Hollywood rings true a clear as a bell. You know right at the outset that this is going to absolutely suck. Some people like Mr. Singer and Mr. Burton admit to not knowing the source material. Mr. Bay has basically admitted that he hasn't even read the fucking title. Because it's Mutant turtles, not Alien turtles as others have correctly noted. A new low, even for Hollywood.

Why the fuck do they keep hiring these people? A total fucking stranger they pick randomly off the streets could do better. They certainly couldn't know less about the topic. You can only go up.

I love not being a fan... (1)

Karmashock (2415832) | about 2 years ago | (#39421913)

I'm watching all these franchises getting raped and it's nice that i don't actually care about any of them.

Never liked the smurfs.
Never really liked transformers.
Never liked TMNT.
Never really gave a damn about starwars. Empire strikes back was awesome but the rest I could care less about.
I did like Indiana jones but I just liked them... I'm not a "fan."

Anyway... It's nice not caring. I am sorta of a startrek fan so it was nice that they did that some justice. But beyond that it can all go to hell.

Eh, WWII, turtles, whatevz. (1)

Cazekiel (1417893) | about 2 years ago | (#39421977)

If he could fool half the nation into thinking that 'Pearl Harbor' had one of the nurses die for dramatic effect (not one nurse got killed, something the group had a lot of pride in), the planes were designed to handle the tricked-out moves they made and Ben Affleck could act, he can turn fictional turtles biblical.

But if anyone badmouths Josh Hartnett, I'll crush them into a fine powder. Because I love him.

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