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Taliban Offer Question-and-Answer Service Online

samzenpus posted more than 2 years ago | from the dear-zabihullah dept.

The Internet 284

First time accepted submitter nachiketas points out this story about a new online service offered by the Taliban. "Worried about whether Islamic verses on Facebook are allowed? Or that suicide bombers kill innocent civilians? Afghanistan's Taliban have set up a new question-and-answer section on their website to address such issues. The facility on Voice of Jihad, the official website of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan — the Taliban's own name for their movement — allows readers to submit queries to spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid. It is a demonstration of how far the insurgents' attitude towards technology has changed."

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284 comments

Sigh (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545131)

I'd love to submit a ton of subversive questions to troll the Islamofascists.

But if I were to do that, I'm pretty sure that the US government's spying-on-our-own-civilians program won't notice the subversive quality of the questions, and the response would be more along the lines of "OMG this guy is talking to the terrorists!"

Re:Sigh (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545227)

1. I live in America and both of the toilets in my restroom face away from Mecca. I cannot afford a remodel. Do I blaspheme with every shit I take?

2. Can I have an 8 year-old wife if I choose to move to Afghanistan? How about a 12 year-old? 16?

3. Durka durka, Allah Muhammad Jihad?

4. Why does Islam prohibit the consumption of pork? Does the holy Q'uran consider that cannibalism?

5. I have to heed nature's call in my favorite stool pit. Is it permissible to wipe with the Q'uran when no alternatives exist?

6. When I lie with one wife, how long must I wait before I may lie with another? Must I take a shower beforehand?

7. Is it okay for my wives and daughters to dress up as ghosts for halloween?

8. Do the teachings permit beheading unarmed infidels?

-- Ethanol-fueled

Re:Sigh (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545275)

Dune coons. Towelheads. Camel jockeys. Sand niggers.

The peaceful, serene, enlightened religion of Islam .. KA-BOOM MUTHAFUCKA! ... yes so serene.

Re:Sigh (2)

philip.paradis (2580427) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545341)

Stay thirsty, my friend.

Re:Sigh (2, Insightful)

Jmc23 (2353706) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545403)

You'll find the answer to all those questions except the last one in the old testament.

Re:Sigh (0)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545439)

What? They didn't even make up their own imaginary friend but cribbed?

Re:Sigh (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545789)

9. What does an incoming hellfire sound like?

There are defects in all munitions, so we may safely assume someone knows.

Re:Sigh (4, Insightful)

N0Man74 (1620447) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545473)

"If I submit a sincere question to you, will I find myself on no-fly lists and be investigated as a subversive by my own government?"

Re:Sigh (3, Funny)

murdocj (543661) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545533)

No

I am curious of what they think about Fox news ? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545133)

I am curious of what they think about Fox news ?

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (2, Funny)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545197)

I am curious of what they think about Fox news ?

Probably big fans. It's pretty hard to have a proper Jihad against the infidel Crusaders if they don't arrive at a battlefield within convenient commuting distance of your favorite rugged hideout and start acting unsympathetically enough that you can keep up the PR campaign.

While the supine American media in general have done a pretty good job of supporting exactly that, Fox has really gone out of their way to emphasize nationalist bellicosity with a sharp Christian edge. Far better foils then some centrist waffler would be.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (3, Interesting)

DesScorp (410532) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545409)

I am curious of what they think about Fox news ?

Probably big fans.

Actually, they hate Fox, and are big MSNBC fans [washingtonpost.com] . The same piece in the Washington Post also said that they were bummed when Keith Olbermann was fired.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (1)

ibsteve2u (1184603) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545493)

Misdirection is the intent of propaganda. I'm sure Tokyo Rose had her "favorites", too. And there is the final paragraph of the piece you cite:

The al-Qaeda spinmeister didn’t like Fox News (“let her die in her anger”), but it’s hard to understand why. Surely Rupert Murdoch’s network, with its saturation coverage of the war on terror, did more to elevate bin Laden’s profile than any other news outlet.

I would concur with that analysis; Murdoch and Fox News elevated a mad dog into a war fighter.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (0)

MightyMartian (840721) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545521)

Maybe they're pissed Murdoch's guys never returned their agent's calls.

"Look baby, I'm telling, Rupert and my boy, we can make things happen. Osama on O'Reilly. It's dynamite, baby. Dynamite!"

Christ, those dirty bastards at N.I. didn't even try to hack al-Zawahiri's cell phone. No wonder al Qaeda's so pissed.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (1)

doston (2372830) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545587)

I am curious of what they think about Fox news ?

Probably big fans.

Actually, they hate Fox, and are big MSNBC fans [washingtonpost.com] . The same piece in the Washington Post also said that they were bummed when Keith Olbermann was fired.

They must be as dumb as most Americans, who haven't figured out that they're all corporate propaganda outlets and are all unreliable news sources.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (3, Interesting)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545611)

Given that their epistemological gold standard is "I read in a book that a dude said god told him...", it isn't a huge surprise that media literacy might not be among their strengths.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (1)

doston (2372830) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545711)

Given that their epistemological gold standard is "I read in a book that a dude said god told him...", it isn't a huge surprise that media literacy might not be among their strengths.

Sad but true. And since Afghanistan's citizens are educated by the likes of the US financed 'Ministry of Education' and the American inspired and financed 'Lincoln Learning Centers', it's really no wonder. They probably teach creationism.

Re:I am curious of what they think about Fox news (1)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545447)

Great recruitment channel. If you weren't pissed on the West, you sure are after watching it for a while.

really?? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545141)

ok....I don't see this working or ending well

Of Interest (4, Insightful)

dark grep (766587) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545145)

Looks like a very good way to get yourself tagged as a 'person of interest' if you access it from any western country. Anyone want an all expenses paid holiday to some non-specific Caribbean island?

Re:Of Interest (1)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545171)

I'm guessing that this would put you on Sarkozy's naughty list, for sure...

Re:Of Interest (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545235)

Well, it's not like /. actually posted the link, buncha pussies they are...

I assume that questions like (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545151)

"Why do you hate Islam?" are modded down as "Flamebait" or worse.

Umm? (5, Interesting)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545159)

"It is a demonstration of how far the insurgents' attitude towards technology has changed."

Other than some tactical intimidating-cell-operators-into-shutting-down-at-certain-times, based on the (plausible) theory that NATO was having a merry old time eavesdropping, I don't remember the Taliban being terribly anti-technology... Not particularly big enthusiasts(in public) of internet pornography or applied empiricism; but perfectly happy to use technological artifacts where available.

I do look forward to seeing what the /b/tards discover when they engage Mr. Mujahid in a game of "Haram or Halal?"...

Re:Umm? (1)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545169)

According to TFA, Taliban used to ban TVs on territory they controlled.

Re:Umm? (3, Informative)

MindlessAutomata (1282944) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545269)

But is that due to speech / communication they didn't like, or because it was technology itself?

Re:Umm? (1)

Nimey (114278) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545319)

Does it matter?

Re:Umm? (2)

philip.paradis (2580427) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545383)

It matters if your objective is to figure out why things are the way they are, in the interest of figuring out how to change those things. History is replete with cases of people trying to effect change by attacking problems from angles that represent a fundamental misunderstanding of the contributing factors involved, with accordingly hilarious or disastrous results, depending on your perspective.

Re:Umm? (2)

Nimey (114278) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545713)

I think you're making the unfounded assumption that extremists like the Taliban can be reasoned with.

Re:Umm? (1)

philip.paradis (2580427) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545765)

I make no such assumption. Rather, I start from the assumption that in many scenarios, they cannot be reasoned with in any useful capacity. However, to assume that the treatment of any organization, which is necessarily comprised of individuals operating within a structure, should be completely black and white is a foolish approach. Likewise, unilateral action of any kind taken in support of or against any such organization without understanding the precise workings of the body in question is likely to be judged by history as foolish at best, suboptimal in the middle ground, and disastrous at worst.

In short, this video sums it up [youtube.com] .

Re:Umm? (1)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545469)

...and nothing of value was lost...

Re:Umm? (3, Funny)

nbauman (624611) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545583)

Best story I heard about that: The Taliban drove up to this woman's house in an SUV and said, "Sister, in the times of the Prophet, they didn't have televisions."

She said to them: "In the times of the Prophet they didn't have automobiles either. Come back on a camel."

Re:Umm? (1)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545627)

You're joking, but did you know that e.g. Wahhabi don't wear underpants, because "the Prophet didn't"?

Somehow it doesn't prevent them from carrying AKs and RPGs, though. Why not wage some honest-to-Allah jihad with swords and bows? The Prophet did it that way, after all, and it worked for him.

Re:Umm? (1)

Nursie (632944) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545683)

And they didn't punish her for talking back to a man?

I have trouble believing this story...

Re:Umm? (1)

ArcherB (796902) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545195)

...but perfectly happy to use technological artifacts where available.

True. They are Islamist, not Amish.

Re:Umm? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545427)

Thou must remember such, English.

Re:Umm? (4, Interesting)

slimjim8094 (941042) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545265)

Considering their goal is to bring us back about a thousand years, it stands to reason that they have issues with technology. From Wikipedia:

Under the Taliban regime, Sharia law was interpreted to forbid a wide variety of previously lawful activities in Afghanistan. One Taliban list of prohibitions included: pork, pig, pig oil, anything made from human hair, satellite dishes, cinematography, and equipment that produces the joy of music, pool tables, chess, masks, alcohol, tapes, computers, VCRs, television, anything that propagates sex and is full of music, wine, lobster, nail polish, firecrackers, statues, sewing catalogs, pictures, Christmas cards. They also got rid of employment, education, and sports for all women, dancing, clapping during sports events, kite flying, and characterizations of living things, no matter if they were drawings, paintings, photographs, stuffed animals, or dolls. Men had to have a fist size beard at the bottom of their chin. Conversely, they had to wear their head hair short. Men had to wear a head covering.

Re:Umm? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545381)

Considering their goal is to bring us back about a thousand years, it stands to reason that they have issues with technology. From Wikipedia:

Under the Taliban regime, Sharia law was interpreted to forbid a wide variety of previously lawful activities in Afghanistan. One Taliban list of prohibitions included: pork, pig, pig oil, anything made from human hair, satellite dishes, cinematography, and equipment that produces the joy of music, pool tables, chess, masks, alcohol, tapes, computers, VCRs, television, anything that propagates sex and is full of music, wine, lobster, nail polish, firecrackers, statues, sewing catalogs, pictures, Christmas cards. They also got rid of employment, education, and sports for all women, dancing, clapping during sports events, kite flying, and characterizations of living things, no matter if they were drawings, paintings, photographs, stuffed animals, or dolls. Men had to have a fist size beard at the bottom of their chin. Conversely, they had to wear their head hair short. Men had to wear a head covering.

Yeah and who are you to judge? Right? Right?! That's the excuse, isn't it?

Re:Umm? (0)

slimjim8094 (941042) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545519)

Jeez. Stupid troll, not even an attempt at hiding it, and so stupid it doesn't even warrant a pity point. Troll rating 0/10

Re:Umm? (1)

DigiShaman (671371) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545511)

The Taliban have no qualms about using instruments of evil to fight evil. Technology being an instrument of evil and all.

Re:Umm? (2)

rtb61 (674572) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545777)

Their goal is far more primitive than that. Is is simply to ensure that they can continue to sexually abuse the women they call they wifes (of any age and more than one) and force them to obedient slaves.

That they be able to violently react to anyone who challenges their male rights and their ability to hide behind a religious book and claim God made them them narcissists so that is normal behaviour.

Now when it comes to laying the blame, first door to kick in and find some arses to kick would be in the US state department. Prior to the US State Departments psychopathic fun in order to stick in to the Soviet Union the Afghanis were not much of a problem.

This definitely falls in the, you will reap what you sow department, great short term thinking you bloody pack of morons in the US State Department (of course with the assistance of Cowards Idiots and Arseholes, CIA), now, exactly how many of those fools were fired for the billion dollar problems they created.

Re:Umm? (1)

MaskedSlacker (911878) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545391)

They banned the old soviet weather balloons as sorcery (equating weather forecasting with telling the future).

Re:Umm? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545421)

they liked airplanes

Re:Umm? (1)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545499)

Last time I checked they were quite eager to trash them.

Re:Umm? (4, Informative)

million_monkeys (2480792) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545629)

they liked airplanes

No. You're confusing the Taliban and Al-Qaeda. The Taliban wasn't involved in 9/11 and they even condemned the attack.

CIA/NSA Listening Post (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545173)

They are waiting for you to ask them questions.

You get tagged, and you get a robo-answer, a la AskSanta.com

Re:CIA/NSA Listening Post (2)

Concerned Onlooker (473481) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545775)

They also have something else in common with AskSanta.com in that there is no Allah, either.

The website itself (4, Informative)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545179)

Neither TFS nor TFA link to the website in question, so here's it:

http://shahamat-english.com/ [shahamat-english.com]

Unfortunately, it seems that the English version doesn't have a Q&A section, so you can't troll them unless you know Pashto. Too bad.

Not too difficult (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545387)

Not too difficult. [google.com]

Re:Not too difficult (4, Informative)

IonOtter (629215) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545485)

Be careful with that. "My hovercraft is full of eels." isn't much of an exaggeration.

Re:The website itself (1)

nbauman (624611) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545599)

Doesn't Google Translate do Pashto?

Re:The website itself (2)

shibashaba (683026) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545601)

Whats funny is that the contact for the website is a gmail address. I wonder if they opted out of googles user data retention....

Re:The website itself (1)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545639)

For that matter, it's a .com domain - which, as we know, is de facto fully in US jurisdiction.

Re:The website itself (1)

million_monkeys (2480792) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545723)

Neither TFS nor TFA link to the website in question, so here's it:

http://shahamat-english.com/ [shahamat-english.com]

Unfortunately, it seems that the English version doesn't have a Q&A section, so you can't troll them unless you know Pashto. Too bad.

If you really want to ask them a question, that site lists an gmail address and a phone number...

Why ... (4, Funny)

PPH (736903) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545191)

... is everything modded "+Die Infidel"?

Can we get that on Slashdot?

It's a trap!!! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545203)

Clearly there is no use for technology for the devout Taliban. The web site will repeatedly play a loop of an extremist shouting "Alaho Ackbar" followed by the brown noise and other noises designed specifically to cause western infidel body parts to rupture accompanied by epilepsy inducing screen flicker patterns. The aim is to turn curious westerners into a puddle of their own excrement.

Re:It's a trap!!! (2)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545505)

And here I was, thinking that this was TV's duty.

Not a good sign (5, Insightful)

girlintraining (1395911) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545215)

Looks like a very good way to get yourself tagged as a 'person of interest' if you access it from any western country. Anyone want an all expenses paid holiday to some non-specific Caribbean island?

I'm not sure that it's an encouraging sign when we are more afraid of what our government will do to us for accessing a terrorists' website than what the terrorists will.

Re:Not a good sign (2)

Nidi62 (1525137) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545329)

Looks like a very good way to get yourself tagged as a 'person of interest' if you access it from any western country. Anyone want an all expenses paid holiday to some non-specific Caribbean island?

I'm not sure that it's an encouraging sign when we are more afraid of what our government will do to us for accessing a terrorists' website than what the terrorists will.

Honestly, just visiting that website will not get you flagged for anything. Do they monitor that website? Possibly. But unless you actively go to other sites, such as the al Qaeda training/recruiting forums or the websites that usually get beheading/propaganda videos, you would not show up in any cross referencing the government would do. A lot of the people that go to websites such as this have no connection with the Taliban. It could be academics, reporters, the curious, or hell even a few trolls (there's gotta be at least one 4channer that knows Pashtun). There's a lot of chaff they'd have to go through to get to any wheat, and their resources are limited. They can't monitor everyone that goes to the public-facing propaganda website of the Taliban. I think the OP was just trying to sound witty.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

MightyMartian (840721) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545535)

I figure they had me tagged when I came here.

Re:Not a good sign (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545541)

Unless they're not actually looking at sites like that in the first place. . . I mean, why monitor dangerous radicals with fanatic religious beliefs who think they hurt people to get to heaven when you've got some peaceful domestic anti-war groups and activists to monitor and go after? Aint the war on terror fun? Oh wait. . . there's a boot kicking down my. . .AIIIEEEIEEEE! /bitter sarcasm.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

nbauman (624611) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545617)

Oh, that's reassuring. If I visit that website, Homeland Security will merely record my name and file it away in case I visit any other suspicious websites.

Re:Not a good sign (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545411)

Hardly, its standard slashdot paranoia.

Re:Not a good sign (5, Interesting)

gman003 (1693318) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545423)

There's actually a few questions I'd like to ask them myself (won't bother, since I assume they only take questions in Farsi, or maybe Arabic as well, neither of which I speak). I can probably guess their answers, but hearing it straight from them, instead of indirectly through our own "expert analysis", would be... well, more scientific, I suppose. Direct observations are almost always more accurate and reliable than indirect observations.

First, I'd ask "if you had the ability to eliminate every 'infidel' from the planet, would you?". Second, "if the invaders were to leave, completely, on the sole condition that Afghanistan become a non-Islamic, but non anti-Islamic, state, would that be preferable to continued occupation?"

The first is sort of a "can we co-exist with these people? can they be reasonable?" If we were to leave them completely alone, would they keep to themselves, or would they remain a threat to our security? A classical Islamic state would tolerate 'infidels' even in their own country - during the Middle Ages, all you had to do was pay an extra tax, and *that* was mainly to get out of the military draft. It was illegal to *leave* the state religion (on pain of death, often), but for the most part, if you stayed quiet and obeyed the secular laws, the religious laws left you alone. However, a modern fundamentalist Islamic state probably would not be so... tolerant.

The second is a "what do they care more about: being left alone, or being fundamentalist Muslims?" Because, undoubtedly, a fundamentalist state of any religion is generally bad. Even a fundamentalist atheist state would be oppressive and essentially *wrong*. So it is in the best interests of justice, of humanity, that Afghanistan not revert to a fundamentalist Islamic state, as the Taliban desires. However, I suspect that much of their popular support comes not from people wanting to be ruled by some theocrat, but by people who want the invaders out of their homeland. I can sympathize - I want our "invaders" out of their homeland and back in ours, as well. The question is, would their leadership accept not ruling Afghanistan themselves if it meant a free Afghanistan? It's not likely, given the past decade, but it's possible. And any possibility for a peaceful but beneficial resolution to war is worth entertaining.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

wonkavader (605434) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545563)

Farsi is French for Persian. It's the language of Iran. Arabic is the Esperanto of the Islamic world. Lots of dialects, but generally mutually intelligible all over. Start with that, and move to Pashto, and then one of the many other other languages spoken in Afghanistan. Persian would not be the language of first choice, since Iran prefers to sneak around rather than make things obvious.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

reub2000 (705806) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545697)

Esperanto? I think the term you where looking for is lingua franca.

Re:Not a good sign (3, Informative)

gman003 (1693318) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545773)

Farsi is French for Persian.

No, Farsi is the Persian word for Persian. The French for Persian is apparently "persan".

Citation [wiktionary.org]

And Arabic is not the Esperanto of the Islamic world - unless Arabic is the idealistic but extremely rare constructed language intended for auxiliary use but ultimately relegated to a small hopeful minority. Arabic is more the Latin of the Islamic world - the Holy Book is written* in it, so many people know it, even in areas where nobody speaks it historically.

* Yes, I know the Bible was not originally in Latin, but the most common version, especially in the Middle Ages, was.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

Analog Penguin (550933) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545585)

Considering that the official language of Afghanistan is Pashto, I doubt they'll take any questions in Farsi.

Re:Not a good sign (1)

gman003 (1693318) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545753)

Weird, could have sworn Farsi (aka Persian) is the main language of Afghanistan.

And Wikipedia seems to back me up: "Dari... or Farsi-ye Dari...As defined in the Constitution of Afghanistan, it is one of the two official languages of Afghanistan; the other is Pashto. Dari is the most widely spoken language in Afghanistan and the mother-tongue of approximately 50% of the population, serving as the country's lingua franca."

In any case, I don't speak it.

Re:Not a good sign (2)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545513)

It's not. But isn't it interesting?

Gives you that good ol' fuzzy Soviet feeling, where you feared your government more than your enemy as well.

Re:Not a good sign (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545553)

Tell you what, Skippy... you go *over there* and try to exercise a lot of your rights and you will think twice about what to be afraid of. Just come out publicly and admit you're an atheist or a homosexual and the western world will look like Utopia to you in about 10 minutes.
 
I'm not saying that this makes the degradation of our civil rights any better but you don't fear the terrorists because you're not within arms reach. When you are you'll give up all these fucking illusions people have around here of Islam and their tenets somehow not being as bad as the "Draconian Christian Right and Big Brother Obama."

Re:Not a good sign (1)

murdocj (543661) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545555)

Well, maybe YOU are more afraid of the government than of the people who convince random people blow up other random people. I'm not.

Magnets (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545217)

How Do They Work?

I wonder if the Taliban have any insights...

Re:Magnets (1)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545529)

Allah makes them work.

Why do you think these fundamentalists have any more insight than ours?

The real trick (0)

dark grep (766587) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545245)

It looks like the real trick for this topic will be for someone to make a post that doesn't get marked down. - off topic -1. Thank you.

The only enemies of Islam (0)

kimvette (919543) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545249)

The only enemies of Islam are the ones they created themselves. Unfortunately that list includes all non-Muslims, by their own words.

Re:The only enemies of Islam (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545443)

Kinda like the Americans. If you are not American, you are against us!. I'm surprised they don't get along well together!

72 Virgins (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545305)

So i understand the whole 72 virgins thing, but i'm not quite ready to pay the purchase price. What's the present value of the 72 virgins now? Could i take a loan against them like Steve Jobs did with his Apple stock. I'm ok with penalties and such, so how about if i just take 7 now and we can settle up later? Sincerly, Durkadurka Jihad Jihad

Re:72 Virgins (1)

Opportunist (166417) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545543)

Think for a moment. 72 virgins. For all eternity. That's awfully few virgins in the long run, don't you think? I mean, even if you only use one per year you won't even last a century. And then?

I don't know the details, but I guess Allah ain't much more keen on wanking than the bearded guy on his fluffy cloud.

Re:72 Virgins (2)

EdIII (1114411) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545685)

I don't think you just get to fuck them one time you know...

The whole virgin thing probably came about because it was vastly preferable to sloppy seconds with a camel.

link (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545311)

what's the link to the website?

Mod me redundant... (5, Interesting)

Mr. Underbridge (666784) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545313)

...or generally stupid, but where are the traditional April Fools' stories? Is this the dark side of the serious, corporate slashdot? Did we all grow up and I missed the boat?

Re:Mod me redundant... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545355)

They stopped most April 1 jokes after getting sued a few years ago. IIRC they have mainly been reporting on other site's jokes for a year or two.

Re:Mod me redundant... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545415)

They got sued for posting April Fool's jokes? Sounds like a bullshit excuse by the corporate douches that took over Slashdot.

Synthtopia always has a decent April Fool's article, of course if you're not into synthesizers it probably won't mean much to you but on the off chance you do like synths check em out. Last year they did a fake preview of Logic Pro X (which still isn't out yet damn it!) but this years I got like 2 paragraphs in before I was like "oh duh", haha.

Re:Mod me redundant... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545561)

Really? By whom over what? Reference? Google doesn't say much...

Re:Mod me redundant... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545655)

And that makes me cry. +1 Die Infidel indeed.

Re:Mod me redundant... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545645)

That's the surprise this year. Sure fooled you! :-)

IDIOT post (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545321)

why , they had a website even before sept 11 attacks LOLOL shows how daft the poster and all those involved are.

Link Please (1)

colsandurz45 (1314477) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545327)

I'd like to ask some questions....

Here's my question : (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545339)

Why don't you jihadist fuckers do a capitalist deal with some good old
American oil and gas companies and put all this needless fighting to
rest ? Look, the US is going to get your resources one way or another, so you
might as well get paid for it rather than be killed because you were in the way.

And by the way, most intelligent people from the US know the war is not about terrorism,
only redneck morons believe that lie.

Watch out India and Pakistan! (0)

WiiVault (1039946) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545343)

There is a new call center start-up coming right at you and it is staffed with lots of "Bobs" and "Toms" trained in selective desert "service camps" that are gonna be available this Afghan spring to graciously assist me with my terrorism or other electronics support related inquiries. Just press one to disconnect from competitive offshored call-center relevance suckers cuz the big boys are here and they NEVER give up. No way you would guess in a million years who it is serious, guess! Well I suppose Pakistan would have known for quite a while by now and helped get them on their feet... But thats just ya know, some splinter groups..blah blah.

Anyways sorry India we always liked you (wait scratch that), but it's a global economy now, and to the mighty nation of Afghanistan you are just one more empire between them and... oh fuck is it harvest season again?! Can we pick up advancing as a civilized in a few (months)? Open to talk about electricity but just forget about women going to school- that's just dumb. As a reminder time-out rules and all still apply ya know, I know I have that haddith laying around here somewhere- typical infidels trying to steal our ideas from our distant future minds- no wonder we will soon ascend to our rightful place and correct all the mistakes your disease of "free-thought" has done to plague our planet (yes OUR). You cheaters just won't accept it's really only the year 800 when you pull out the abacus and count out times we just wanted to chill and remove the poison of public education or hunt suspected homosexuals; which in Afghanistan it takes a long time to find anybody as many a lost martyr hunter has learned.

Really gotta check to see the harvest dates though but thanks for the nice chat/ burn in hell for hiding Richard Simons from us for all these years after his many videotaped crimes. Not cool dude, you guys suck more than those few guys in the ISI who won't let us put them on our mailing list. live another day. See you next Spring so we can do this again.

Hold that thought for a few or better yet smoke some opium, we are the masters of both and will never give into your many varied ideological debates spanning thousands of cultures and countries which all somehow secretly conspire to insult us by their mere existence. Now go snuggle with your filthy purebread dog, eat a BTL and let us know when our successful agenda to convert you to our "Crazy Mountain Brew" of Islam is complete. That title is trademarked and the patented formula will be pursued by our idelogical allies known to you as "lawyers". But BTW- remember that the next time you say we can't change with the times!

God is great and made of marshmallows (2)

caffemacchiavelli (2583717) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545351)

First we have an old guy who talks to an invisible man explain to us how Marxism is unrealistic, now 21st century tech is used to teach us 7th century philosophy. I think I'll be starting a new religion which proposes that we're in fact living under bizarro-God who delights in random acts of chaos and irony and the real one is in charge of another universe.

Original website (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545353)

Has anybody ever seen the original Taliban machine, now viewable only from the Wayback machine? It was hosted on ummah.net, and would give one a real insight into their fanatical views!

They also have a funny article on nappy wearing: (2)

sammcj (1616573) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545361)

http://shahamat-english.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=14632:diapered-us-soldiers&catid=3:articles&Itemid=5 [shahamat-english.com] "I'll let you into a little secret though; some press release has even revealed that the US-NATO forces uncontrollably pee in their pants during the fight with Mujahideen, or for the fear of attack by Taliban. "

Ooh, Petitions Next? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#39545437)

What's next, a section where you can submit petitions to the Taliban?

Get 25,000 signatures and they'll respond within 30 days!

Dear Mullah Taliban (1)

mbkennel (97636) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545467)

Should infidels who blaspheme believers with "April Fools" jesting be forcibly circumcised before the mujaheddin behead them in the name of Allah? -- Konfused in Kandahar

Can I get a burka barbie? (1)

Ponies_OMG (965954) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545579)

Can I get a burka barbie? In pink??????

April Fools? (1)

DaMattster (977781) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545631)

Is this some sort of April Fools joke?

Re:April Fools? (1)

erroneus (253617) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545707)

I think maybe no. It looks pretty ... I don't want to say "legit" but it's stupid enough to be believable.

There are lots of things I would like to ask, but I can't expect any answers I would like to hear. The fact is, they are of the mindset that the world should change for them rather than they find a way to get along with the rest of the world. That's where the conversations should probably end. But then again, the rest of the world probably thinks that about the U.S... you know, with all the copyright and other intellectual property laws being exported?

At work, there were some light conversations about the various ways one could achieve forgiveness from god. The Jews have a day for that. The Catholics have a process as well. The Muslims? According to what I have heard, there's no such way. So, how does their god feel about the beheading of unarmed infidels and showing it on TV/the internet? I'm pretty sure that's a kind of murder that isn't justifiable by their holy book. Just goes to show that religion is just a tool to get what people want. And when religion gets in the way, religious law is simply ignored, twisted or fabricated.

Would there be such hell on earth without religion? Maybe... but it would be a LOT harder to justify.

if this isn't a joke (1)

issicus (2031176) | more than 2 years ago | (#39545741)

they are going to get all kinds of flame , if anyone can find their web site that is.
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