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Diablo 3 Banhammer Dropped Just Before RMAH Goes Live

Soulskill posted about 2 years ago | from the i-do-not-envy-their-customer-service-reps dept.

Role Playing (Games) 540

eldavojohn writes "One thing Diablo 3 has that many other games do not is a 'Real Money Auction House' (RMAH), which went live today for players with two factor authentication. Of course, mere hours before that, Blizzard publicly announced they would follow through on their promises. Accounts they have identified as cheaters and botters have been banned 'by the thousands.' No official number is out, but the news is indicating that as people get off of work and return home to their bot-wives and bot-kids they may find themselves without a valid Battle.net account (possibly tied to other games like SCII and WoW). Blizzard has also included many fixes to remove/dissuade many other exploits but if their past arcane attitude toward the 'gamers of the game' is any indication, thousands will be unhappy."

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540 comments

That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (5, Insightful)

crazyjj (2598719) | about 2 years ago | (#40300963)

Many a scorned Blizzard fan will wail away on the message boards over this, I'm sure. But hearing a Blizzard fan say "I've had it with them this time!" is like listening to a crack whore bitch about her dealer. She'll rant all day, but you just know by that night she'll be crawling back, offering to suck dick for more.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (5, Insightful)

h4rr4r (612664) | about 2 years ago | (#40300987)

I have not yet bought diablo 3 and probably never will. Single player games do not need online access. Nor do I want to support that model.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1, Flamebait)

JohnsonOfAssFuckings (2660699) | about 2 years ago | (#40301013)

About six months ago, I was overexerting myself trying to get rid of a terrible virus on a client's PC (I own a PC repair shop and have been fixing computers for over 10 years). Given my level of expertise, I thought I'd be able to get rid of it fairly quickly and without hassle, but as was made evident by my colossal failure, I was horribly, horribly wrong.

I couldn't remove the virus no matter what method I used. I tried all the latest anti-virus software and all the usual tricks, but it was all in vain. Failure after failure, my life was slowly being sucked away as I spent more and more of my time trying to get rid of this otherworldly virus.

Frustrated and stressed by my own failure, I began distancing myself from my wife and children. After a few days, I began verbally abusing them, and it eventually escalated into physical abuse. I was slowly losing what remaining sanity I had left. If this had continued for much longer, it is highly probable that I would have committed suicide. A mere shell of what I once was, I barricaded myself in my bedroom and cried myself to sleep for days on end.

That's when it happened: I found MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]! I installed MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] right on the client's PC, ran a scan, and it immediately got rid of all the viruses without a single problem. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] accomplished in record time what I was unable to accomplish after a full week. Wow! Such a thing!

MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is outstanding! My client's computer is running faster than ever! I highly recommend you install MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] right this minuteness, run a scan, and then boost your PC speed in record time! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] came through with flying colours where no one else could!

My client's response? "MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally cleaned up my system, and increased my speed!" All the PC repair professionals are using MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] to solve all of their problems. This should be reason enough for you to switch to MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]! It'll speed up your computer, rid it of all viruses, and you'll be able to work productively again! Wow!

Even if you're not having any obvious computer problems, you could still be in danger. That's why I very highly recommend that you still use MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]. After all, it will boost your PC & internet speed to levels you never would think are possible!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC. [mycleanpc.com]

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (2, Funny)

wiedzmin (1269816) | about 2 years ago | (#40301261)

Frustrated and stressed by my own failure, I began distancing myself from my wife and children. After a few days, I began verbally abusing them, and it eventually escalated into physical abuse. I was slowly losing what remaining sanity I had left. If this had continued for much longer, it is highly probable that I would have committed suicide. A mere shell of what I once was, I barricaded myself in my bedroom and cried myself to sleep for days on end.

Funniest spam I have ever read on Slashdot :D

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301467)

Also, find and replace PC with Whistle, and computer with phallus. Oh so chuckle-worthy.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301587)

"Find and Replace"? WHat the fuckity fuck? This is slashdot, it's wget and sed.

Now get of my lawn you young pup!

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (5, Informative)

spire3661 (1038968) | about 2 years ago | (#40301063)

Its not a single player game. The loot is expressly designed with the idea that you will trade other people.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1, Offtopic)

SupremeMand (2660703) | about 2 years ago | (#40301067)

About eight months ago, I was searching around the internet to find out why my computer was running so slowly (it normally ran quite fast, but had gradually gotten slower over time). After a few minutes, I found a piece of software claiming that it could speed up my PC and make it run like new again. Being that I was dangerously ignorant about technology in general (even more so than I am now), I downloaded the software and began the installation. Mere moments after doing so, my desktop background image was changed and warnings that appeared to originate from Windows appeared all over the screen telling me to buy strange software from an unknown company in order to remove a virus it claimed I had.

I may have been ignorant about technology, but I wasn't that naive. I immediately concluded that the software I'd downloaded was, in fact, a virus. In my rage, I broke numerous objects, punched a hole in the wall, and cursed the world at the top of my lungs. I eventually calmed down, cleared my head, and realized that the only remedy for this problem was a carefully thought out plan. After a few moments of pondering about how to handle this situation, I decided that since I barely knew how to properly handle a computer, I should turn it over to the professionals and let them fix the issue.

Soon after making the decision, I drove to a local computer repair shop and entered the building with my computer in hand. They greeted me with a smile and stayed attentive the entire time that I was explaining the problem to them. They laughed as if they'd heard it all before, told me that I'm not the only one who has trouble operating computers, and then gave me a date for when the computer would be fixed. Not only had they told me that the computer would be completely repaired in at most two days, but the price for their services was surprisingly low, and to top it all off, they even gave me advice for how to avoid viruses in the future! I left the building feeling confident in my decision to seek professional help and satisfied knowing that such kind-hearted people were the ones doing the job.

The very next day, I received a phone call from the computer repair shop whilst I was at a local library researching computer viruses. I had stumbled upon a piece of software that appeared to be very promising, and I was about to do more research on it, but seeing as how I required my computer as soon as possible, I decided to put the matter on hold. Upon answering the phone and cheerfully greeting the person on the other end, I was greeted with a high-pitched shriek. Startled, I asked what was wrong. A few moments passed where nothing was said, and suddenly, the person on the other end said to me, in a low voice oozing with paranoia, "Come pick up your computer." They hung up immediately after saying that, and I couldn't help but notice that they sounded as if they were on the verge of tears. I briefly wondered if it was due to stress from work, and then drove to the computer repair shop to acquire my computer.

I was positively dismayed upon entering the building. The inside of the computer repair shop looked nothing like the image from my memories. There were broken computer parts scattered throughout the room, ceiling tiles all over the floor, blood splattered in every direction I looked, and even a human toe on the ground. After processing this disturbing information, I began panicking and frantically looking around for my computer. I spotted an employee covered in blood sitting up against the wall, and noticed that his wrists had been slashed open. Thinking quickly, I ran up to him, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, shook him around, and began screaming, "Where is it!? Where is my computer!?" After a moment of silence, he passed away, completely shattering my expectations. Such a thing! "What a meaningless individual," I thought.

Enraged, I tore the building up even further than it already had been in my desperate search for my computer. Eventually I discovered a door leading to an area that was normally only accessible to employees. I entered without hesitation and was met with a long, skinny hallway that a single person would have trouble moving about freely in. I proceeded down the dark hallway and bumped into the body of an employee hanging from a rope tied to something on the ceiling. I screamed, "Not only do you people have the gall to allow my computer to be endangered, but even in death you intend to block my path!?" After finally managing to push aside the worthless obstacle, I traveled down the hallway and came to a small black door. I entered without a moment's notice, and in the middle of the dark and dreary room, I spotted my computer; it was completely unharmed. With a sigh of relief, I picked it up, left the building, and drove home as if nothing of importance had occurred there.

Upon returning home and hooking up the computer (whilst wearing a cheerful expression the entire time), I, to my horror, discovered that the computer hadn't been repaired. There was nothing in the world that could have contained my fiery anger at that point. I broke almost every single one of my possessions, smashed all the windows on my house, physically abused my family, and then drove back to the computer repair shop to defile the dead lumps of meat that had failed to carry out the task I had given them. After realizing that I shouldn't be meaninglessly wasting my time with such worthless pieces of trash, I remembered the piece of software that I'd discovered earlier. With renewed confidence, I blissfully visited the local library, downloaded the software, and took it home to install on my computer.

I knew. I knew, even before installing it, that MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would be my salvation. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would come through with flying colors where no one else could. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would completely, totally, and utterly eradicate the virus in the most merciless, efficient way possible. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] was not a piece of software that could fail to meet my exceedingly high expectations. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would not fail me like all the other imbeciles had. At that point, it could be said that I could genuinely see into the future and be accurate in my predictions. I gleefully began installing MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] and laughed like a child at the thought of finally being able to attain revenge upon the virus that had shamed me so.

I was absolutely in awe of MyCleanPC's [mycleanpc.com] wonderfully efficient performance. Without a single issue, MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] utterly annihilated in moments the virus that many others had failed to remove after hours of attempts. I let out a victory cry and swore to never turn to any "professionals" to fix my computer ever again. Once again, I was able to predict the future. I knew that I would never need any worthless "professionals" again as long as I had MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] by my side.

MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is outstanding! My computer is running faster than ever! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] came through with flying colors where no one else could! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally cleaned up my system, and increased my speed! I couldn't believe how much overclocking my gigabits and speed were doing! Even restructuring the BIOS wouldn't allow for the miraculously high degrees of efficiency that MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] allowed me to attain.

I highly and wholeheartedly recommend that you use MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] if you're having any computer troubles whatsoever. In fact, even if you're not having any visible problems, I still recommend that you use MyCleanPC. [mycleanpc.com] There could be dormant or hidden viruses on your system, or problems that MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] could easily and efficiently resolve. Just by using MyCleanPC, [mycleanpc.com] your gigabits will be running at maximum efficiency, and at last, you'll be overclocking with the rest of us! What are you waiting for!? Get MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] today!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC. [mycleanpc.com]

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301273)

mycleanpc steals passwords to online video games like diablo3

i have no proof but then again neither does the spammer when promoting myclenepc

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301395)

What the fuck?

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Insightful)

h4rr4r (612664) | about 2 years ago | (#40301099)

It has a single player mode.

If it was only multiplayer that would be even less reason for me to play it.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Informative)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301175)

Not in the tradition sense, it doesn't.

Even when playing solo, it's built for you to use the auction house.
So while you are playing, you are still online with everyone else.

Should they have created a stand alone single player mode? Yes. But they didn't.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1, Offtopic)

I'llRapeAsIPlease (2660707) | about 2 years ago | (#40301237)

Around a year ago, I was mindlessly surfing the internet (as I often do) when I came across an enigmatic web page. The page, which looked like a warning from my web browser, informed me that I had a virus installed on my computer and that to fix it, I should install a strange anti-virus program that I'd never heard of (which I found peculiar considering the fact that I already had anti-virus software installed on my computer). Despite having reservations about installing it, I did so anyway (since it appeared to be a legitimate warning).

I cannot even fathom what I was thinking at that time. Soon after attempting to install the so-called anti-virus software, my desktop background image changed into a large red warning sign, warnings about malware began making appearances all over the screen, and a strange program I'd never seen before began nagging me to buy a program to remove the viruses. What should have been obvious previously then became clear to me: that software was a virus. Frustrated by my own stupidity, I began tossing objects around the room and cursing at no one in particular.

After I calmed down, I reluctantly took my computer to a local PC repair shop and steeled myself for the incoming fee. When I entered, I noticed that there were four men working there, and all of them seemed incredibly nice (the shop itself was clean and stylish, too). After I described the situation to them, they gave me a big smile (as if they'd seen and heard it all before), accepted the job, and told me that the computer would be working like new again in a few days. At the time, I was confident that their words held a great degree of truth to them.

The very next day, while I was using a local library's computer and browsing the internet, I came across a website dedicated to a certain piece of software. It claimed that it could fix up my PC and make it run like new again. I knew, right then, merely from viewing a single page on the website, that it was telling the truth. I cursed myself for not discovering this excellent piece of software before I had taken my PC to the PC repair shop. "It would've saved me money. Oh, well. I'm sure they'll get the job done just fine. I can always use this software in the future to conserve money." Those were my honest thoughts at the time.

Two days later, my phone rang after I returned home from work. I immediately was able to identify the number: it was the PC repair shop's phone number. Once I answered, something strange occurred; the one on the other end of the line spoke, in a small, tormented voice, "Return. Return. Return. Return. Return." No matter what I said to him, he would not stop repeating that one word. Unsettled by this odd occurrence, I traveled to the PC repair shop to find out exactly what happened.

Upon arriving inside the building, I looked upon the shop, which was a shadow of its former self, in shock. There were countless wires all over the floor, smashed computer parts scattered in every direction I looked, fallen shelves on the ground, desks flipped over on the ground, and, to make matters even worse, there was blood splattered all over the wall. Being the reasonable, upstanding, college-educated citizen that I was, I immediately concluded that the current state of the shop was due to none other than an employee's stress from work. I looked around a bit more, spotted three bodies sitting against the wall, and in the middle of the room, I spotted my computer. "Ah. There it is." Directly next to it was the shop's owner, sitting on the ground in the fetal position.

When I questioned him, he kept repeating a single thing again and again: "Cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped!" I could not get him to tell me what was wrong, but after a bit of pondering, I quickly figured out precisely what happened: they were unable to fix my computer like they had promised. Disgusted by their failure, I turned to the shop's owner (who I now noticed had a gun to his head), and spat in his general direction. I then turned my back to him as if I was attempting to say that nothing behind me was worth my attention, and said to him, "Pathetic. Absolutely, positively pathetic. I asked you to do a single thing for me, and yet you failed even at that. Were I you, I'd be disgusted by myself, and I'd probably even take my own life. Such a worthless existence isn't even worthy of receiving my gaze!"

After saying that, I left the shop with my computer as if absolutely nothing had occurred there. And, indeed, there was nothing in that shop that was worthy of my attention. Still understandably disgusted by their inability to fulfill the promise, I said to myself, "I'll have to take this into my own hands." After getting into my car to drive home, I heard a gun shot from inside the repair shop. Being that it originated from the worthless owner of that shop, I promptly decided to ignore it.

Once I returned home, I, filled to the brim with confidence, immediately installed the software that I'd found a few days ago: MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]. The results were exactly what I expected, and yet, I was still absolutely in awe of MyCleanPC's [mycleanpc.com] wonderful performance. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] removed every last virus from my computer in the span of a few seconds. I simply couldn't believe it; MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] accomplished in moments what "professionals" had failed to accomplish after days of work!

MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is outstanding! My computer is running faster than ever! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] came through with flying colours where no one else could! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally cleaned up my system, and increased my speed!

If you're having computer troubles, I highly recommend the use of MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]. Don't rely on worthless "professionals" to fix up your PC! Use MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] if you want your PC to be overclocking, if you want your gigabits to be zippin' and zoomin', and if you want your PC to be virus-free.

Even if you aren't having any visible problems with your PC, I still wholeheartedly recommend the use of MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]. You could still be infected by a virus that isn't directly visible to you, and MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] will fix that right up. What do you have to lose? In addition to fixing any problems, MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] will, of course, speed up all of your gigabits until every component on your PC is overclocking like new!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC. [mycleanpc.com]

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1, Offtopic)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301379)

I wonder if MyCleanPC know that people with user names claiming the rap whom every they want or astroturfing for them?

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301593)

I'm sure they do and are paid.

What amuses me is that I doubt there is anyone on /. thinking "fuck! This is just the program I've been looking for! It fixes my computer AND gets me out of mom's basement? Please, take my monies."

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

lgw (121541) | about 2 years ago | (#40301621)

C'mon, this is either entirely a joke/troll (a throwback to the GNAA trolls) or a Joejob. It's comically over the top.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301245)

It does not have single player "mode". That is a misconception. The game is explicitly multiplayer with the option to play alone if desired. At any time in a solo adventure you can invite others to join you. Claiming diablo3 is a single player game is like claiming world of warcraft is a single player game.

Yes, you can play solo, but that is not the intention of how the game is supposed to be played.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Insightful)

cheekyjohnson (1873388) | about 2 years ago | (#40301383)

Yes, you can play solo, but that is not the intention of how the game is supposed to be played.

It does not matter how they intended the game to be played. What matters is how the player (the one who actually owns the game) wishes to play it, and there happens to be a single player made (playing alone, single player mode, whatever you wish to call it).

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0, Flamebait)

spire3661 (1038968) | about 2 years ago | (#40301523)

If you had a clue on how games are designed I wouldnt have to explain to you how stupid you sound. Games arent jsut designed form the aether, DECISIONS are made that affect the balance of the game. Those DECISIONS included hampering single player mode so severely that the only truly viable option is to trade. Single player mode was PURPOSEFULLY deprecated to force trades. It was a decision wholly dictated by business reasons, not gameplay.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

cheekyjohnson (1873388) | about 2 years ago | (#40301657)

If you had a clue on how games are designed I wouldnt have to explain to you how stupid you sound.

I don't even know what you're talking about. I simply responded to someone who was stating that the game is "supposed" to be played in a certain way.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301481)

I've been thinking about this, and it occurred to me that Diablo 3 doesn't have a singleplayer mode. Every game is like Battle.net play was for Diablo II. Why they didn't just let you play offline and not let local characters access the auction houses is beyond me, but there you have it: they dropped single-player, LAN, and open Bnet from the prior game in the series and called it good.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301073)

Check out Torchlight and, soon, Torchlight 2. The latter has an online multiplayer but you can play the singleplayer mode offline. And it's a fun game.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301387)

Second. Well worth the 20 bucks. If you buy on stream, you get Torch light 1 for free.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | about 2 years ago | (#40301629)

I second this. I haven't played the TL2 beta, so I can't really say anything about that.

But I managed to get TL1 (on Steam, I think) for $5, and it was plenty of fun. It was a far, far better value proposition than is D3.

Hopefully TL2 will be as well.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

eggdropfan (778686) | about 2 years ago | (#40301209)

I agree. For SC2 I can kind of understand the model they chose, but for D3, this is inexcusable.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301217)

That's what I said. Then I gave in because I really wanted to play. It's mostly an arcade game. You're not missing anything.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

GodfatherofSoul (174979) | about 2 years ago | (#40301449)

Have you played Diablo 3? It has single player mode as well as multiplayer. And, even in single player mode you still might want to sell loot you can't use to other players.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Informative)

afidel (530433) | about 2 years ago | (#40301519)

D3 doesn't really have a single player mode. You're always connected to their servers, are taking up a game slot (or have to wait for one!), have to deal with server lag, have no choice about what patch to play, etc. You basically have a muliplayer mode that you choose to play alone.

Lineage 2 (1)

future assassin (639396) | about 2 years ago | (#40301687)

at the beginning was ruined by the bots/farmers and NC Softs half ass attempts and promises to control the mayhem. I've never tired a game needing Internet connection to play single player but its its like trying to use my Logitech Harmony remote (which is a brick of plastic when you buy iy) no thanks. I'll stick to D1 and D2.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40300993)

Days ago I asked for (and got) a refund for Diablo 3. The game is terrible on its own merits. People who stick around with such garbage deserve what they get.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0, Troll)

Roachgod (589171) | about 2 years ago | (#40301007)

And I didn't mean to post that comment AC. The guy who got the refund was me.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (-1, Troll)

DominationOfBootyass (2660701) | about 2 years ago | (#40301047)

Nearly four months ago, I noticed that my internet connection was very sluggish. Eventually getting fed up with it, I began to seek out software that would speed up the gigabits in my router. After an hour of searching, I found what at first appeared to be a very promising piece of software. Not only did it claim it would speed up my internet connection, but that it would overclock my power supply, speed up my gigabits, and remove any viruses from my computer! "This is a fantastic opportunity that I simply can't pass up," I thought. I immediately downloaded the software and began the installation, all the while laughing like a small child. I was highly anticipating a future where the speed of my internet connection would leave everyone else's in the dust.

I was horribly, horribly naive. Immediately upon the completion of the software's installation, various messages popped up on my screen about how I needed to buy software to remove a virus that I wasn't aware I had from a software company I'd never once heard of. The strange software also blocked me from doing anything except buying the software it was advertising. Being that I was a computer whiz (I had taken a computer essentials class in high school that taught me how to use Microsoft Office, and was quite adept at accessing my Facebook account), I was immediately able to conclude that the software I'd downloaded was, in fact, a virus, and that it was slowing down my gigabits at an exponential rate. "I can't let this insanity proceed any further," I thought.

As I was often called a computer genius, I was confident at the time that I could get rid of the virus with my own two hands. I tried numerous things: restarting the computer, pressing random keys on the keyboard, throwing the mouse across the room, and even flipping an orange switch on the back of the tower and turning the computer back on. My efforts were all in vain; the virus persisted, and my gigabits were running slower than ever! "This cannot be! What is this!? I've never once seen such a vicious virus in my entire life!" I was dumbfounded that I, a computer genius, was unable to remove the virus using the methods I described. Upon coming to terms with my failure, I decided to take my computer to a PC repair shop for repair.

I drove to a nearby computer repair shop and entered the building with my computer in hand. The inside of the building was quite large, neat, and organized, and the employees all seemed very kind and knowledgeable. They laughed upon hearing my embarrassing story, and told me that they saw this kind of thing on a daily basis. They then accepted the job, and told me that in the worst case, it'd be fixed in three days from now. I left with a smile, and felt confident in my decision to leave the computer repairs to the experts.

A week later, they still hadn't called back. Visibly angry, I tried calling them countless times, but not a single time did they answer the phone. Their negligence and irresponsibility infuriated me, and sent me into a state of insanity that caused me to punch a gigantic hole in the wall. Being that I would require my computer for work soon, I decided to head over to the computer repair shop to find out exactly what the problem was.

Upon entering the building, I was shocked by the state of its interior; it looked as if a tornado had tore through the entire building! Countless broken computers were scattered all about the floor, desks were flipped over, the walls had holes in them, there was a puddle of blood on the floor, and worst of all, I saw that my computer was sitting in the middle of the room laying on its side! Absolutely unforgivable! I soon noticed one of the employees sitting behind one of the tipped over desks (the one that had previously had the cash register on top of it); he was shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. Despite being furious about my computer being tipped over, seeing him in that state still managed to make me less unforgiving. I decided to ask him what happened.

A few moments passed where the entire room was silent and nothing was said. Eventually, he pointed at my computer and said to me, "The virus... it cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped!" Realizing that he was trying to tell me that they were unable to repair my computer (the task I'd given them), I flew into a blind fury and beat him senseless. Not caring about what would happen to him any longer, I collected my computer, ignored the bodies of the two other employees that had committed suicide, and left the building. After a few moments of pondering about what to do and clearing my head, I theorized that their failure to repair my computer probably simply meant that they were unqualified to do the job, and decided to take my computer to another computer repair shop.

I repeated that same process about four times before finally giving up. Each time I took it to a PC repair shop, the result was the same: all the employees either went completely insane, or they committed suicide. Not a single person was able to even do so much as damage the virus. I was able to talk some sense into one of the employees that had gone mad and got them to tell me how they were attempting to fix the problem. They told me that they tried everything from reinstalling the operating system to installing another operating system and trying to get rid of the virus on the other one, but absolutely all of it was to no avail. Having seen numerous attempts by professionals to remove the virus end in failure, I managed to delude myself into believing that my first failure was simply a fluke and that I was the only one on the planet qualified to fix the computer. With renewed vigor, I once again took up the frighteningly dangerous task of defeating the evil, nightmarish virus once and for all with my own two hands.

In my attempts to fix the problem, I'd even resorted to buying another computer. However, the virus used its WiFi capabilities to hack into the gigabits of my new computer and infect it. Following each failed attempt, I grew more and more depressed. I had already beaten my wife and children five times in order to relieve some of my stress, but even that (which had become my only pleasure after failing to remove the virus the first time), did nothing for me any longer. That's right: my last remaining pleasure in life had stopped being able to improve my mood, and I had not a single thing left that I cared about. I sank into a bottomless ocean of depression, barricaded myself in my room, and cried myself to sleep for days on end. Overcome with insanity, vengefulness, and despair, there is not a single doubt that if this had continued for much longer, I would have committed suicide.

One day, it suddenly happened: while I was right in the middle of habitually crying myself to sleep in the middle of the day, I heard a thunderous roar outside, followed by the sound of a large number of people screaming. When I peered outside my window to find out what all the commotion was about, the scene before me closely resembled that of a God descending from the heavens themselves! I gazed in awe at the godlike figure that was descending from the heavens, and so did the dozens of individuals that had gathered in my backyard. For a few moments, everyone was speechless. Then, they started shouting predictions about what they thought the figure was. "Is it a bird!?" "Is it a plane!?" But, despite not ever having seen it before, I knew just how inaccurate their predictions were, and began to speak the name of the heroic figure.

However, my sentence was cut off when, like a superhero coming to save the unfortunate victim from the evil villain, MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] flew into my house and began the eradication of the virus. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] was able to completely eliminate in minutes the exact same virus that over ten PC repair professionals were unable to remove after weeks of strenuous attempts! Wow! Such a thing! I simply couldn't believe that MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] was so miraculously efficient that it was able to destroy the virus in less than 500 milliseconds! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally, completely, and utterly saved me from a lifetime of despair!

My wife's response? "MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is outstanding! My husband's computer is running faster than ever! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] came through with flying colours where no one else could! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally cleaned up my husband's system, and increased his speed! I highly, highly recommend that you use MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]!"

After witnessing just how wonderful MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is, I insist that you use MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] when you need to fix all the gigabits on your computer! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] will completely eradicate any viruses on your computer, speed up your internet connection, overclock your gigabits and speed, and give you some peace of mind! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is simply outstanding!

But even if you're not having any visible problems with your computer, it's highly likely that you're still in a situation where MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] could help you. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] will get rid of any viruses or wireless interfaces that are hidden deep within your computer's bootloader. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] will also speed up your computer to such a degree that it'll be even faster than when you first bought it! You must try MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] for yourself so that you can be overclocking your speed with the rest of us!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC. [mycleanpc.com]

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

ibneko (1080947) | about 2 years ago | (#40301147)

Oh wow. Congrats, I just read practically all of that, until the storm of mycleanpc.com links, at which point, I started skimming. That was an amusing piece of fiction. All of it. Good job.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (2)

cpu6502 (1960974) | about 2 years ago | (#40301011)

I don't get it. You WANT there to be cheaters in the game?

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301155)

Agree. Blizzard's business model is irrelevant. This is about banning known cheaters from the game...which I *thought* was a good thing.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (2)

FunPika (1551249) | about 2 years ago | (#40301167)

I imagine he is expecting that immature brats will go on the forums and be like "OMFG I CAN'T CHEAT ANYMORE BLIZZARD U SUCK IM UNSUBBING (from WoW)" on the forums.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301193)

If the "cheat" is the result of Blizzard's poor QA, failure to quickly patch the mistake and/or refusal to patch the mistake at all; YES I WANT CHEATERS IN THE GAME.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301195)

Blizzards banning in notoriously inaccurate.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301457)

In my experience, it is not. The keys/accounts they ban are an underapproximation of people actually cheating. That is, I've never had a key banned that wasn't cheating, and I've been a D2 hacker for a long time. I've probably had over 1k D2/LOD cdkeys banned, and I've had countless temporary (IP-based) bans for sending invalid packets experimenting with the game protocols.

One thing Blizzard doesn't do is ban people who don't deserve it. Anyone saying otherwise is simply lying.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (1)

cheekyjohnson (1873388) | about 2 years ago | (#40301561)

Anyone saying otherwise is simply lying.

But... what if they're not lying, and you yourself simply haven't experienced it? Things that you haven't personally experienced can't happen?

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Funny)

Hatta (162192) | about 2 years ago | (#40301179)

Meanwhile, I'll be playing Pool of Radiance on my Amiga 500. The only thing I have to worry about is losing my code wheel.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (0)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301421)

Well, I guess if your brain is only limited to ancient repetitive games, that's cool. Been there done that, don't need to do it again.

Re:That's *it* for me and Blizzard, man!! (4, Funny)

lgw (121541) | about 2 years ago | (#40301677)

Well, I guess if your brain is only limited to ancient repetitive games, that's cool. Been there done that, don't need to do it again.

Sure is a lot of hatred for D3 around here...

Haha (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301025)

Downfall of Blizzard has begun.

Re:Haha (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301177)

Yeah, they're falling so hard, after falling during Cataclysm, Lich King, Burning Crusade, WOW, W3...

Why they may just have to fall upwards at this rate!

Re:Haha (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301343)

I watched someone fall UP half a flight of stairs once. It takes a lot of alcohol to pull that off.

Huh? (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301041)

"Blizzard has also included many fixes to remove/dissuade many other exploits but if their past arcane attitude toward the 'gamers of the game' is any indication, thousands will be unhappy"

So they should keep thousands of cheating douchebags happy at the expense of hundreds of thousands/millions of good paying customers who are trying to have a good time?

Re:Huh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301141)

Blizzard has banned people in WoW for using "exploits" like buying NPC vendor items and reselling them back to the same NPC for a higher price.

Re:Huh? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301337)

"Blizzard has also included many fixes to remove/dissuade many other exploits but if their past arcane attitude toward the 'gamers of the game' is any indication, thousands will be unhappy"

So they should keep thousands of cheating douchebags happy at the expense of hundreds of thousands/millions of good paying customers who are trying to have a good time?

Here's a handy reference! The unhappy ones will be the ones related to at least one of the following phrases:

1. "But that was my $FAMILY_MEMBER_OR_ROOMMATE on my account!"
2. "But that was just for me and my friends! I promise I wasn't going to do that in multiplayer!"
3. "I didn't KNOW that was cheating!"
4. "My account must've been haaaaaaacked!"
5. "All I did was download this program someone said was for the game!"
6. "You can't PROVE I didn't get all this swag by cheating!"
7. "Where did you get that proof that I got all that swag by cheating? ZOMG PRIVACY HAXXXXX"
8. "I just found all that swag in my inventory! I don't know how it got there!"
9. "If I could do that, it's clearly a part of the game and technically not cheating, right?"
10. "Show me where it says I'm not allowed to do $OVERLY_SPECIFIC_OBFUSCATED_EUPHEMISM_FOR_CHEAT_USED. HA! You CAN'T, can you?!?"

That is to say, a whole lot of pretty blatantly lying cheaters will be unhappy and will attempt to get pity for it in the face of damning proof. Welcome to gaming!

Re:Huh? (3, Insightful)

wmbetts (1306001) | about 2 years ago | (#40301433)

It's one thing to use a bot / external program to cheat. I agree ban those people, but Blizzard does ban people for stuff that isn't really a cheat IMO. Like the other poster mentioned buying item for Y from a NPC then selling it for Z (that's higher than Y). A recent example is when they added LFR. There was a "hack" were you could run it more than once and still get loot. If I remember correctly what you'd do is run it once roll on everything you can normally. Then you'd run it with a friend and they'd roll on what dropped. If they won it they weren't suppose to be able to trade it to you, because you weren't eligible. It didn't work that way though, because it did let you trade it. When they did patch it they banned a bunch of people for doing that even though they were playing within the parameters of the game. It's not their fault the developers overlooked such a simple thing to check.

Re:Huh? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301497)

*marks off the "It's in the game so it's not cheating!" square.

"But officer, my car can go 130mph! How can that be illegal?!"

Re:Huh? (1)

Old Wolf (56093) | about 2 years ago | (#40301681)

Agree, I don't really understand the comment you quoted. It's good that cheaters are unhappy and quit. What is the "arcane attitude" ?

Awesome! (4, Funny)

Papa Legba (192550) | about 2 years ago | (#40301065)

A game now so immersive they included a hardcore mode for botters!

Re:Awesome! (5, Interesting)

mwvdlee (775178) | about 2 years ago | (#40301347)

It would be fun if they didn't simply ban the bots, but put them all on a separate server with eachother.

Similarly, grievers should all be moved to a server where they are treated to a never-ending stream of NPC noobies that curse them.

I have no issue with assholes, I have issues with assholes being near normal people.

Re:Awesome! (5, Insightful)

SuricouRaven (1897204) | about 2 years ago | (#40301539)

Running a second server set would be expensive. Easier to just rig the random number generator so all they end up farming is an endless stream of worthless bottom-tier loot, and can be defeated in combat by even a new character with ease. Thus they add a new sport: Whack-a-bot.

So it's a single player MMO? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301109)

That's what I keep hearing anyways. I heard something about working on some kind of house and then selling it to other players. But it's a single player game? What?

Title should be: Thousands of Chinese banned... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301115)

many of them are from China

I've been banned by Blizzard (-1, Troll)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301123)

in Wow, several times. All of them after I no longer played the game.

So Blizzards 'banning' is laughable.

And D3 is very, very boring. No now creativity, boring story full of holes.

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (1)

Translation Error (1176675) | about 2 years ago | (#40301257)

I've been banned by Blizzard in Wow, several times. All of them after I no longer played the game.

So Blizzards 'banning' is laughable.

Did the ban emails happen to come with a handy link where you could enter your account info to verify your identity and get unbanned?

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301281)

That was my thought too. My WoW account has "been banned" quite a few times. Which is interesting considering I don't even have one.

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301459)

haha, no. I talked to support several times. Telling them, no, someone got into my account that I no longer use, because I don't pay you money any more. Why would you even allow people to use that account.

This happen even after I went to the secure token.
It seems to be taken care of, but man.

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (2)

wiedzmin (1269816) | about 2 years ago | (#40301311)

boring story full of holes

I've never played any videogames for their stories... thank god WoW had quest goals highlighted (in green I think) so you could just scroll through to find the item you had to look for an be on your way, killing things. Stories are for books and movies.

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301431)

I've never played any videogames for their stories... thank god WoW had quest goals highlighted (in green I think) so you could just scroll through to find the item you had to look for an be on your way, killing things. Stories are for books and movies.

No, stories are for people who want stories. You just want to mindlessly kill things, and that's fine too (although I find it starts to get needlessly repetitive past the half-hour mark or so).

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (2)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301515)

"Stories are for books and movies."
How sad.

Stories are for..stories. Media is secondary.
Doesn't mean it has to be about the story all the time, but when all you have is 'Click a lot' having a decent story gives reason to see the next bit. When the next pit is the same as the last bit, then it's important.

WoW has some great stories. Unlike D3. Yawn.

Anyways, Never play Max Payne, it's all about the story. You overly simple view of entertainment would hate it. Maybe when you are 30 you can enjoy it.

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (4, Funny)

mwvdlee (775178) | about 2 years ago | (#40301357)

in Wow, several times. All of them after I no longer played the game.

So you were no longer playing the game... several times?

Re:I've been banned by Blizzard (1)

ShakaUVM (157947) | about 2 years ago | (#40301423)

>>And D3 is very, very boring. No now creativity, boring story full of holes.

Haha, oh, Geekoid. Always telling these crazy stories! Go eat your applesauce.

-Leah

always online requirement = 0 interest in the game (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301171)

A friend let me play his account, the game is mediocre at best. The game mechanics aren't any better than Titan Quest which came out years earlier.

The metagame is more interesting with the leveling up your blacksmith and using runes to change skills. But all that means is that your toon doesn't really get fun until level 30ish when you finally have access to most of your skills.

Its just like most AAA crap that comes out now, highly polished, derivative, good enough until you've seen all the pretty pictures once, and ultimately forgettable.

Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (5, Interesting)

bobetov (448774) | about 2 years ago | (#40301213)

I bought Diablo 3, but have had 3 separate occasions where my "single player" game was unavailable for multiple hour long "maintenance" windows. Not being able to blow off steam in a dungeon crawler so Blizzard can get more value out of its players is leaving a SERIOUSLY bad taste in my mouth.

Who the hell is going to pay real money for gear in a single player game?

Re:Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (4, Funny)

Jeng (926980) | about 2 years ago | (#40301407)

Who the hell is going to pay real money for gear in a single player game?

Lots and lots and lots of morons, more morons than Blizzard could ever piss off.

Re:Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (4, Informative)

DoofusOfDeath (636671) | about 2 years ago | (#40301663)

Who the hell is going to pay real money for gear in a single player game?

Lots and lots and lots of morons, more morons than Blizzard could ever piss off.

It seems to me we're seeing the difference between pre- and post-Activision Blizzard. Pre-Activation Blizzard was all about the gamers. Post-Activision Blizzard is all about the profit.

Good business, but poor art.

Re:Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (2)

Jahava (946858) | about 2 years ago | (#40301427)

I bought Diablo 3, but have had 3 separate occasions where my "single player" game was unavailable for multiple hour long "maintenance" windows. Not being able to blow off steam in a dungeon crawler so Blizzard can get more value out of its players is leaving a SERIOUSLY bad taste in my mouth.

Who the hell is going to pay real money for gear in a single player game?

The point, as I see it, is less to make a huge profit and more to preempt those who would otherwise operate their own third-party real-money markets.

Re:Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (1)

GodfatherofSoul (174979) | about 2 years ago | (#40301475)

Did you ever play WoW when it first came out? Same thing with long stretches of down time until they got the bugs worked out. Back then, an outage for a few hours seemed like an eternity due to my withdrawal symptoms.

Re:Forget the bannination, how about uptime? (0)

Jeng (926980) | about 2 years ago | (#40301563)

Downtime in an MMO is expected.

Downtime in a single player game is not.

did not buy diablo 3 (3, Insightful)

Dan667 (564390) | about 2 years ago | (#40301231)

the more I hear about it the more I am glad I didn't. Sounds boring and a constant money grab / drm crap fest.

Petition (1)

David89 (2022710) | about 2 years ago | (#40301315)

There is a petition over at change.org [change.org] asking Blizzard to release an offline mode path. It would be nice if we could reach the 100'000 signatures necessary

Re:Petition (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301377)

"Nice" in the "pretty, but worthless" sense, right?

Re:Petition (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301499)

Never going to happen. All the important stuff is done server side, the game is doing more than just 'phoning home' for DRM purposes. Diablo 3 is much like WoW in that respect.

Re:Petition (1)

Jeng (926980) | about 2 years ago | (#40301533)

It would be nice if we could reach the 100'000 signatures necessary

Necessary for what? Does something actually happen if 100000 signatures is reached? Is there some legal reason they would change things? Does it force them in any sort of way to do anything about it?

Re:Petition (1)

geekoid (135745) | about 2 years ago | (#40301571)

They have categorically said they wont.

From my understanding, it's too integrated. IT's isn't a single player game with multiplier added on. It's a multiplayer game with the ability to no let others join you group.
So they would need to create a version instead of patch it.

That said, the people I know a Blizzard might be wrong, or blizzard will decides it worth while and a new release will do it. If they do, I would probably go back to the game.

Good riddance (3, Insightful)

kommakazi (610098) | about 2 years ago | (#40301447)

of the cheaters, modders, and botters...hopefully there's some sort of appeal process if you are mistakenly banned from the game however. I'm tired of people bitching about the internet connection requirement...do you really disconnect your computer from the internet often when gaming? It's not like you have to pay a monthly fee. It makes sense seeing how the single player game is still tied into the auction house and now the real money auction house. It keeps a level of legitimacy to the items in these places. Don't like it?, I don't care. It's a good game and I'm all for keeping out the cheaters, modders and botters as much as possible.

Re:Good riddance (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301613)

Pfft

The complaint is about how Blizzard tries to spin the reasons for having a constant online connection to begin with. Whilst they may claim what they wish, the reality is Blizzard makes money on each Auction House transaction. If you are not online to be tempted by it, they are not making any money off of you outside of your initial purchase. Not to mention the % PayPal is making with each transaction as well. . . .

TBH, I like to load games on my laptop while traveling. Makes airline seats somewhat more tolerable, stays in hotels for silly conferences tolerable as well. Diablo II had zero issues running both online / offline modes. You couldn't use offline characters in online dungeons and vice versa. Worked just fine.
If I want to play an online game, then I'm cool with the connection requirements. When I don't want to interact with anyone else, then I really fail to see the need for a continuous connection. Especially when it's blatantly obvious why it's there to begin with.

Re:Good riddance (1)

cheekyjohnson (1873388) | about 2 years ago | (#40301627)

I'm tired of people bitching about the internet connection requirement...do you really disconnect your computer from the internet often when gaming?

Not everyone has a decent internet connection. Not everyone is always in a place with a decent internet connection. Not everyone's internet connection is always working. This isn't an MMO, and there is no reason for this nonsensical DRM; just separate offline and online accounts.

Re:Good riddance (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301641)

I do not so much disconnect when playing a single player game as I do not power my WiFi and modem. I leave those items off when the computer is not in use. I do not turn them on if I am planning on doing something that requires no network (such as playing a game, doing finances, writing something lengthy with a word processor, editing images, or the like). In this way, I am saving the environment by minimizing my power use.

Re:Good riddance (2)

Jeng (926980) | about 2 years ago | (#40301685)

of the cheaters, modders, and botters

Is there a new definition of modder? I thought modders tended to be those who used the game editors to create mods of existing games. So one of those things is not like the others, cheaters suck, botters are lame, but modders create new content and usually for free.

Real Money only available for Softcore (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301493)

Does this mean if I want to play hardcore, I still have to put up with people spamming advertisements for gold and items?

Too little, too late (2)

mykos (1627575) | about 2 years ago | (#40301557)

Between the hacks, single player lag, gold and material replication, and lack of content, I've just had it, which is why I got a refund.

Diablo 3 (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#40301565)

Diablo 3 is inherently set to fail. This is coming from someone with 180+ hours into the game. The basic mechanics of this game prevent any long-term success. I mean for fucks sake just last night hyper-inflation ensued on the gold auction house because a bug got out about buying an item from the auction house, then changing your COMPUTER's date back two days, thus getting the gold back and still keeping the item. Really Blizzard? This game is and was a complete pile of shit. Unfortunately.

Be careful Blizzard (4, Interesting)

fa2k (881632) | about 2 years ago | (#40301583)

This makes the requirement to be online to play D3 much worse. Blizzard better be 100 % sure there are no false positives. They probably have all kinds of CYA stuff in their EULA, but now that there's real money involved, some victims of wrongful banning may actually try to sue.

Cheaters kill D2 on public servers (4, Informative)

HockeyPuck (141947) | about 2 years ago | (#40301691)

Playing on a public server in D2 was downright treacherous. You could enter the game only to be instantly killed by some cheater. I'm glad they have the ban hammer. Also, there's not many times when i'm playing D3 and my computer is not connected to the internet given that I don't often shut off my home router nor does my internet connection go down.

Internet is becoming a new "always on" utility, just like power, water and phone.

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