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Police Probing Theft of Millions of Pounds of Maple Syrup From Strategic Reserve

Unknown Lamer posted more than 2 years ago | from the greatest-heist-of-our-time dept.

Canada 399

An anonymous reader writes with this bit from the Globe and Mail: "Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse. The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly."

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Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Insightful)

Sez Zero (586611) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193043)

Wait, what?!

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Funny)

Dyinobal (1427207) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193083)

I know that was the strangest thing I've read in a while. But hey some people are serious about their maple syrup.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

jhoegl (638955) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193335)

When you steal maple syrup from Canada, you see angry Canadians.
We must record and study the Canadian in this rare form.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Anubis IV (1279820) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193603)

There are conflicting reports that riots have broken out all across Canada. Or that everyone seems to be fine with it and is going about their day as normal. Hard to say, since they look the same.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193463)

I don't like where this discussion is heading, it's a slippery slope to talk about a sticky situation like this...

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Informative)

Hatta (162192) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193099)

They're just lucky it was a theft and the tank didn't burst [wikipedia.org] .

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Funny)

nschubach (922175) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193295)

I just pictured a Austin Powers-esque or MST3K scene where a giant blob of molasses was "chasing" after these people.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

zlives (2009072) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193391)

soylent syrup is made from people

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193535)

How does it taste?

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Funny)

dyingtolive (1393037) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193567)

It varies from person to person.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1)

Tumbleweed (3706) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193695)

soylent syrup is made from people

No it isn't; it's made from Canadians.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193115)

Quebec's answer to everything in the universe is more committees, more control, and more bureaucracy. You'd know that if you lived in Quebec or near Quebec. There is a government committee for everything.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Insightful)

characterZer0 (138196) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193123)

It makes sense. If export demand spikes or production dips you want to have a reserve to use to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else, so your business model and power remain intact. It is for the exact same reason we have oil reserves.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Interesting)

guises (2423402) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193297)

Thank you for a moment of rationality in what will doubtless be an enlightened discussion.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Insightful)

TubeSteak (669689) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193505)

I wouldn't be so quick to call his comment rational.
Or at least not the part about oil, unless global commerce is also fueled by maple syrup.

Nobody keeps strategic oil reserves "to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else"
They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193331)

God forbid people would switch to oil alternative.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193355)

So what happens when Canada becomes a tropical country due to global warming? No more maple syrup?

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Sarten-X (1102295) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193547)

Peak maple.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Adriax (746043) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193663)

Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops.
In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193691)

It makes sense. If export demand spikes or production dips you want to have a reserve to use to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else, so your business model and power remain intact. It is for the exact same reason we have oil reserves.

Not the exact same reason. If oil runs out then your economy grinds to a halt and your military can't move. This is the idea that most people understand when they hear the term "strategic reserve". Your entire economy and the national security of your country is threatened.

If maple syrup runs out then all Canadians die within 24 hrs. You see, this is a far more serious situation.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193177)

Damn Horvath

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193183)

It's the Canadian equivalent of the Federal Reserve.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

anagama (611277) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193263)

With the exception that maple syrup is actually worth something.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193655)

HAHAHAHA. Wait... that's kinda depressing too.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (2)

Nerdfest (867930) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193467)

Sweet!

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (2)

SpaceLemur (955902) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193191)

Exactly.
I had to double check the page to make sure I hadn't clicked over to The Onion for a second.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (3, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193217)

The "reserve" is in fact a way to keep maple syrup price higher by creating a rarity and allows to cash in when price goes higher. It's literaly a maple mafia going on here, all of it being driven under the UPA (union des producteurs agricoles - the farmer union), which is the solely recognized and legal farmer union in Quebec. There's a lot of complaint and some legal wrangling going on against this monopoly.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

azadrozny (576352) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193323)

I have been cornering the market on Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice. One bad season and I will bring the world to its knees. Bwhaahaa!

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (4, Funny)

Farmer Tim (530755) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193251)

Civilisation is only ever 48 hours away from dry pancakes.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Insightful)

jeffasselin (566598) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193259)

Production of maple syrup can vary highly from one year to the next, depending on weather conditions. The ideal conditions are rather strict, where the temperature is below freezing at night just above 4C during the day. If it's too warm or too cold, very little production can be done.

Because of this, each year producers deliver some of their syrup to the strategic reserve, to ensure that every year a certain amount can be sold on the local and global markets. Before this initiative was taken, the were years when the price of syrup was really high, and even unavailable. That almost led to riots! Production these last few years has been much better, so the reserve isn't tapped much, but it's still a good idea, we don't know what might happen with GCC.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1)

theJML (911853) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193333)

I'd Tap that... Strateghttp://www.xkcd.com/398/

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193279)

It is a market manipulation. The idea is to 'keep prices stable'. They have a buffer that they are willing to buy into or sell out of to keep prices at a particular price point... Much like the use 'oil reserve'.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193281)

*facepalm*

Canada, buddy, look, seriously here. I've got numerous good friends of mine in various areas of Canada, from the coast of British Columbia to the fine metropolitan city of Toronto (sorry, I don't know any Newfies). So I spend a fair amount of time rolling my eyes at the usual Canadian stereotypes the less-cultured of my American brethren pump out on a regular basis whenever Canada is mentioned.

But, man, seriously. Your Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve isn't going to make that any easier. Come on, now.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193501)

Dear USA. The fact that you try to make fun of us... is in itself hilarious.

If you're going to laugh at us, laugh at us for our godawful government currently trying as hard as possible to make Canada as much like the USA as possible.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (3, Insightful)

craigminah (1885846) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193471)

Sounds like a headline from The Onion.

Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193697)

Some Maple syrup is kept as reserve in case the weather makes for bad harvest (such as this year), as such, the reserve can be release into the market to supply the demand.

Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (4, Funny)

crazyjj (2598719) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193047)

As is the tradition.

Re:Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (1)

macraig (621737) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193131)

A little syrup in the stirrup never hurt anybody.

Re:Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (1)

ShieldW0lf (601553) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193157)

Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police

As is the tradition.

What the hell are you on about?

This is definitely a job for the "Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksman".

Re:Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (1)

jemtallon (1125407) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193223)

What's this aboot? The syrup!? I bet the giant did it, eh buddy! He's a dick

Re:Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193541)

Shouldn't The Be the Royal Maple Police?

Damn (1)

Ryanrule (1657199) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193051)

I've got nothing.

Re:Damn (5, Funny)

deains (1726012) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193425)

I guess this could be a sticking point for the Canadian authorities. They sure made those looking after the product look like saps. But they'll catch the thief eventually, and he'll get his just desserts.

You're welcome.

Re:Damn (1)

dyingtolive (1393037) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193653)

Mounties march mercessly moving for mysterious maple mugger.

The Canadian Breaking Bad (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193053)

They're making a special type of Maple Meth.

Unrelated Note (5, Funny)

AioKits (1235070) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193059)

Issuing invitation to all of /. for world's largest pancake and waffle breakfast! Bring your family, we have so much syrup to unload...

Re:Unrelated Note (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193385)

Issuing invitation to all of /. for world's largest pancake and waffle breakfast!

Potato pancakes, that is...
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2012/08/30/bc-stolen-potatoes.html

Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (4, Funny)

Peter Simpson (112887) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193065)

I had no idea there was a "global strategic maple syrup reserve". Other possible Global Strategic Reserves we don't know about: Bacon? Poutine? BEER???

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (1)

h4rr4r (612664) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193089)

It was probably all the bullshit Grade A Amber. Which they waste the first run maple syrup to make by mixing it with the garbage from the late runs.

I love the nearly clear first run stuff.

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (1)

AvitarX (172628) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193473)

I like the grade B

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (5, Funny)

K. S. Kyosuke (729550) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193113)

There's a global strategic whiskey reserve in Ireland and a global strategic beer reserve in Czech Republic. I believe that there's also a global strategic hamburger reserve somewhere in the USA.

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (0)

h4rr4r (612664) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193143)

In the Czech Republic? So it is the global pee reserve?

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193119)

I've got the porn one on my computer.

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193303)

You host 4chan?

Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193509)

bacon isn't too far off... China has a pork reserve: http://www.marketplace.org/topics/life/bbc-world-service/chinese-government-opens-strategic-pork-reserve

Guard your hockey sticks (3, Funny)

erikwestlund (1003368) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193075)

The Canadian economy cannot afford a shortage of both maple syrup and hockey sticks.

Re:Guard your hockey sticks (1)

azadrozny (576352) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193367)

Imagine the devastation. Won't someone please think of the children!

un mot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193079)

Tabernac.

Strategic? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193085)

Is maple syrup really that vital to every day human life?

Only two men can solve this crime. (4, Funny)

MarkvW (1037596) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193103)

Canada needs the McKenzie brothers.
NOW!

Re:Only two men can solve this crime. (2)

JWW (79176) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193661)

Yes, that's awesome. They should so turn this into a movie...

Sounds like extraterrestrials... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193107)

My guess is it was the Glatun

Barney Stinson unavailable (1)

nopainogain (1091795) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193187)

For witty Canada joke. See Slashdot for worthy substitutions

In other news... (4, Funny)

macraig (621737) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193193)

International House of Pancakes has announced that for all of the American Labour Day Weekend they will be offering free pancakes with all-you-can-slurp maple syrup, and every customer will get a free bottle of (unlabeled) genuine maple syrup to take home.

Re:In other news... (5, Insightful)

AvitarX (172628) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193497)

The odds that IHOP would use actual Maple Syrup approach 0, even if it were free.

Is it April Fools already? (2)

mamono (706685) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193211)

I can only hope the strategic reserves of Kraft Dinner are safe!

Current Dramatization of Only Known Lead (4, Funny)

eldavojohn (898314) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193225)

President Obama: *sits down to breakfast and starts to cut into his waffle but notices it's dry* Michelle, would you please pass the syrup.
First Lady: Get it yourself.
Secret Service Agent: *leans down and whispers into the President's ear* Um, sir, we're out of syrup, would you like me to dispatch an agent to pick you up from some the store?
President Obama: No, Allen, that won't be necessary. *pauses dramatically and announces loudly* Get me Seal Team mother fuckin' Six on the horn!
First Lady: Barry! Do NOT swear around our children! And for the love of god, you cannot use Seal Team Six to solve all of your problems! Remember when you told them to "take care of my mother" for an afternoon and she ended up floating face down in the Potomac!?
President Obama: Clearly an unintended -- VERY UNINTENDED -- miscommunication and we're not having that fight again! Now, I want all the intelligence we have on Canada stat ... some very syrupy shit is about to go down.

Re:Current Dramatization of Only Known Lead (1)

pkinetics (549289) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193299)

Thank Dog I didn't have a beverage in mouth... would have been a mess to clean up!

Now that's what I call a sticky situation (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193233)

he he hee hee hee (much children laughter)

News for ... what? (0)

kwerle (39371) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193239)

OK, the notion is kind of funny.

Why is this on /.?

Grand Theft Syrup (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193247)

Millions of dollars of maple syrup? That's what, like two 5 gallon drums? Stuff ain't cheap.

Something isn't right (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193249)

Millions of pounds means hundreds of thousands of gallons, means 1000 or so tanker trucks worth of the stuff. We're either dealing with an accounting error or a theft over an extremely long time frame.

Re:Something isn't right (5, Funny)

deains (1726012) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193325)

Or both. Gotta watch those sticky-fingered accountants.

No worries (3, Funny)

PNutts (199112) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193267)

It was salted and probably used on hash.

I've got some cheap maple syrup for sale... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193287)

I've got some fucking BOMB syrup here for cheap! You'll have to make it to my island near Cornwall though... don't mind the indians and the border police.

OH NOSE!!! (1)

pkinetics (549289) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193291)

The Humanity!!!

This had better not impact my bacon maple glazed doughnut supply!!!

It's a well known fact . . . (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193311)

Thant aliens are addicted to maple syrup and use it like a bad drug. Just ask Ringo;)

You mean warehouse. (2)

gurps_npc (621217) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193313)

What idiot decided that their maple syrup warehouse should be called the "global strategic reserve for maple syrup", and what moronic reporter accepted their statement instead of rolling on the floor laughing at them?

Re:You mean warehouse. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193517)

Probably because....(rolls drums)... it's meant as a reserve for the global market which is a strategy and not a warehouse for immediate sales.This warehouse is meant to stabilize the supply for sales and it's price which is often done with things where production or demand is inconsistent. That statement is a whole lot more descriptive then warehouse as it basically describes what it is and it's purpose at the same time. Only the word strategic might be a bit too much.

Strategic reserve (1)

sl4shd0rk (755837) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193315)

I'm guessing the Strategic part doesn't refer to the location of the Reserve :/

Police already have suspects identified (2)

GodfatherofSoul (174979) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193317)

They're part of a shadowy, polite subgroup of syrup-suckers called "Canadians."

YRO?? WTF!! (2)

wbr1 (2538558) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193329)

What does maple syrup have to do with 'your rights online'? Come on slashdot, must be a real slow news day. Maybe we need SOPA to wash off all the syrup!

Oh No (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193339)

The Glatun are here.

Chris Christie (3, Funny)

tekrat (242117) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193353)

So *that* explains how it looks like he put on 100 pounds just before the RNC!

That federation should die! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193371)

Good thing! That federation should'nt have existed in the first place. Let's reduce the offer for maple syrop so we can charge higher! I got a better idea, we should pay producer so they don't produce maple syrop that way the price will go even higher. We don't care anyway, it's the quebec tax payer that pay to keep the price high.

Oblig (1)

ThatsNotPudding (1045640) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193377)

"I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."

-- Super Troopers

Re:Oblig (1)

Assmasher (456699) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193683)

Wish I had points to give my friend...

"Good thing you didn't order hashbrowns..."

hmm can't think of anything (1)

amiller2571 (2571883) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193405)

Not sure what to say ...

hey Hoser! (1)

tekrat (242117) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193415)

On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me....
A beer ....
in a tree.

On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me....
1000 gallons of Maple syrup.
and a beer ....
in a tree.

OK, so... (2)

jamstar7 (694492) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193447)

... to find it we find the guys who swiped millions of pounds of pancake mix?

Quite... (1)

liquidweaver (1988660) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193459)

... the sticky situation.

South Park? (2)

Bill Dimm (463823) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193475)

Is it just me, or does this sound like an episode of South Park?

Re:South Park? (1)

milbournosphere (1273186) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193613)

If it's not already, you can bet it will be when their season starts back up at the end of September. :)

Re:South Park? (1)

Anomalyst (742352) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193625)

Actually more like the beginning of a John Ringo novel.

Re:South Park? (2)

Shimbo (100005) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193631)

I'm thinking the Canadian remake of Goldfinger myself, with Conrad Black as Maple Syrupfinger.

And i Thought I was weird (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193521)

Good lord! Who would ever think that there are people out there who worry about the continuity of maple syrup supplies?
              In a way it simply can't matter. It seems that every time I look at syrup in grocery stores it just might actually have a tiny drop of syrup in the mix. I think the maple part is just for advertising purposes. Usually we get very disappointing, not sweet, blends of trash that cost a lot of money and seem to be mostly defective corn syrup. Worse yet good old black strap molasses is rare on the shelves these days. It seems that only us old southern folk even know what black strap is. And we don't even have old Aunt Gemima smiling and singing while she makes our breakfast these days either. What is a cracker to do?

bad scifi? (2)

deathguppie (768263) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193555)

this really sounds like it could be the plot to a really bad science fiction book.. oh ya that's right.
http://www.amazon.com/Live-Free-Die-Troy-Rising/dp/1439133328 [amazon.com]

For those of you who can't find the review section..

Fast-thinking entrepreneur Tyler Vernon exploits the literally universal appeal of maple syrup to make a fortune, defies the Horvath, and reveals his ideas for keeping Earth safe, but intergalactic war threatens to derail his plan

Aliens took it (1)

kmahan (80459) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193609)

This was all covered in the Troy Rising series by John Ringo. Turns out that maple syrup is highly intoxicating to the Glatun species.

Oh, Canada... (2)

CanHasDIY (1672858) | more than 2 years ago | (#41193665)

Stories like this are why I think the title of the Canadian national anthem is exceedingly appropriate.

Oh, Canada...

threatened, IHOP schedules press conference (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 2 years ago | (#41193701)

At 3:30 pm Eastern, IHOP is expected to announce a response to these developments. The Speaker of the House of Pancakes will address the Vermont Press Corp. followed by a Q and A session. As is traditional.

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