Beta
×

Welcome to the Slashdot Beta site -- learn more here. Use the link in the footer or click here to return to the Classic version of Slashdot.

Thank you!

Before you choose to head back to the Classic look of the site, we'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts on the Beta; your feedback is what drives our ongoing development.

Beta is different and we value you taking the time to try it out. Please take a look at the changes we've made in Beta and  learn more about it. Thanks for reading, and for making the site better!

Ask Slashdot: Geekiest Way To Cook a Turkey?

samzenpus posted about 2 years ago | from the robot-chef dept.

Science 447

First time accepted submitter almostadnsguy writes "There seem to be a lot of ways to cook a turkey the geekiest ones are probably out of the realm of possibility for normal geeks. However, Within the limits of normal society (or outside if you wish) what is the geekiest way to do it? Do you use a special brine, cook it in an inventive way, or raise genetically modified turkeys with extra legs?"

Sorry! There are no comments related to the filter you selected.

why (-1, Troll)

x0d (2506794) | about 2 years ago | (#42062089)

Why is this on slashdot?

Re:why (5, Funny)

noh8rz9 (2716595) | about 2 years ago | (#42062145)

step 1: assume a perfectly spherical turkey...

Re:why (2)

Jeremiah Cornelius (137) | about 2 years ago | (#42062199)

Step 2: Create startup with Elon Musk or Richard Branson, to launch turkey into the heart of the sun.

We cannot break bread with you... (5, Funny)

fustakrakich (1673220) | about 2 years ago | (#42062351)

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."..

And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

Re:why (1)

Alien Being (18488) | about 2 years ago | (#42062427)

Lemme guess, plutonium stuffing?

Re:why (5, Insightful)

Anrego (830717) | about 2 years ago | (#42062147)

Some people feel the need to extend their geek persona into everything (including family stuff).

Personally I'm not so inclined. Christmas (I'm Canadian so that's our next turkey day) and (our) thanksgiving are occasions when I like to put down the tech and spend the day hanging out at my mothers place with family. But I guess if someone wants to make an arduino controlled stuffing management system or something, to each their own!

Re:why (2, Insightful)

GNUALMAFUERTE (697061) | about 2 years ago | (#42062405)

The right way for geeks to celebrate christmas or thanksgiving day is to not celebrate them at all. Geeks are supposed to be smart enough to not believe in imaginary friends in the sky and to not celebrate the biggest genocide in history eating turkey.

Re:why (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062495)

Normally I'd agree with almost everything you say, as I also don't believe in imaginary friends. However, thanks to the "holidays" in my country America, I get paid days off from work as well as free food and swag with a minimum of investment. Hell, the old folks don't even say grace at the dinner table anymore, even they outgrew that shit.

Speaking as a Jewish man, that's a pretty sweet deal. I'm rubbing my hands together and grinning just thinking about that free turkey I'm getting from the Salvation Army tomorrow. It will last my dog 2-3 weeks if I feed just a little of it to her a day.

-- Ethanol-fueled, still banned from posting under username

Re:why (4, Funny)

Frosty Piss (770223) | about 2 years ago | (#42062571)

The right way for geeks to celebrate christmas or thanksgiving day is to not celebrate them at all. Geeks are supposed to be smart enough to not believe in imaginary friends in the sky and to not celebrate the biggest genocide in history eating turkey.

Fun at parties, are you?

Harvest festival. (4, Insightful)

Oxford_Comma_Lover (1679530) | about 2 years ago | (#42062623)

It's a harvest festival. The genocide was incidental.

Re:why (2)

YukariHirai (2674609) | about 2 years ago | (#42062641)

The right way for geeks to celebrate christmas or thanksgiving day is to not celebrate them at all. Geeks are supposed to be smart enough to not believe in imaginary friends in the sky and to not celebrate the biggest genocide in history eating turkey.

Speak for yourself. Not being American we don't do the whole Thanksgiving thing, but Christmas and Easter we do. Our Christmas and Easter celebrations have absolutely zero to do with religion, and are instead basically an excuse for the family to gather together and have a good meal and a drink or three.

Re:why (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062157)

Why is this on slashdot?

Yeah, this is "News for Nerds!", make the Geeks get their own website!

Re:why (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062177)

Stick it in your tower.

Re:why (1)

x0d (2506794) | about 2 years ago | (#42062429)

or, let me reformulate-why is this on science.slashdot.org? what science? the science of cooking? it would have been ok if it were on 'idle', I guess.

Re:why (3, Insightful)

shaitand (626655) | about 2 years ago | (#42062587)

The science of cooking would be chemistry and food chemistry is every bit as geeky as electronics hacking these days.

Why not? (4, Funny)

dunng808 (448849) | about 2 years ago | (#42062505)

Hang it above my EICO HF-87 vacuum tube amp and play the LA Phil recording of the music from Star Wars *real loud* Trick will be to catch the drippings so that they don't gum up the EL-34 / 6CA7 tubes. Good thing my AR turntable and HF-85 preamp are well away from the power amp. The result is the clearest sounding turkey possible.

Good question (5, Funny)

tool462 (677306) | about 2 years ago | (#42062095)

I would share my method, but it only works for a spherical turkey in a vacuum.

Re:Good question (1)

game kid (805301) | about 2 years ago | (#42062471)

Would you at least tell us for the degenerate case of a point turkey in said vacuum and 0 gravity?

Re:Good question (2)

Frosty Piss (770223) | about 2 years ago | (#42062527)

Very nice, but my method involves lasers and high explosives.

Mmmmnope (1)

Anrego (830717) | about 2 years ago | (#42062097)

I don’t do anything geeky with the Christmas dinner (I’m Canadian, it’s our next turkey day). Wouldn’t even occur to me to try. I can’t even think of anything one could do that would qualify as geeky, but then I lack creativity.

I have a really nifty electric carving knife but that’s about it.

Sagan Nailed it (5, Insightful)

skyggen (888902) | about 2 years ago | (#42062103)

The geekest turkey recipe first starts with creating the Universe.

Re:Sagan Nailed it (2)

mark-t (151149) | about 2 years ago | (#42062283)

That's not geeky. That's just from scratch. Some geeks might find doing thing scratch fun, but if that were a universal trait, I dare suggest that the sales of microwaveable Kraft Dinner would probably not be as good as they are.

Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (-1, Offtopic)

Gothmolly (148874) | about 2 years ago | (#42062105)

Have you seen a commercial turkey farm? They shovel the dead out daily - it's like something from the Matrix. Do you really want to eat that?

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062179)

Have you seen a commercial turkey farm? They shovel the dead out daily - it's like something from the Matrix. Do you really want to eat that?

FUCK YEA! Turkey is so yummy.

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (2, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062205)

YES! Have you tasted a dead turkey?

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062493)

YES! Have you tasted a dead turkey?

It sure beats a live one.

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062219)

Dunno what options their are down there, but here in Canada lots of places where you can get a free range turkey.

Funny story: first year I did this I placed my order for 2 turkeys (one for thanksgiving and one for Christmas). Picked up the one for thanksgiving and was great, just the right size. Picked up the one for Christmas and it was huge! Like a complete idiot I asked why this one was so much bigger than the first one, to which the farmer replied of course that "it grew..". Kinda funny what a life time of buying stuff from grocery stores does to your brain.

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (2)

broginator (1955750) | about 2 years ago | (#42062403)

Funny story:

Must be Canadian humor... I keed, I keed. Thank you for the story, now I'm hungrier for turkey than ever, and it would be fun to pick out which turkey I want murdered to provide my sustenance. "That one. Why, you ask? He knows what he did..."

Re:Why not SPARE the turkey (and yourself) (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062349)

So... some would rather eat their turkey ALIVE?!?

Tofurkey (2)

billstewart (78916) | about 2 years ago | (#42062593)

Yes, it's geeky - it's an artificial imitation vaguely-turkey-like product that can only exist because of a combination of complex technologies (including the transportation networks that get the things to the store, and the marketing processes that make it possible to make enough Tofurkey to be profitable.)

And ok, it doesn't taste quite like the real thing, and I'm not actually going to bother. Traditional American Thanksgiving feasts have enough non-meat dishes that you can really just skip the actual turkey.

Get rid of the liquid cooling (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062113)

Stick it on your heatsinks and start cracking your favorite SSL cert.

High power antenna (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062129)

Hang it in front of a high power antenna, and raise the transmission power to the maximum

It's not a trick, it's just a simple trick. (3)

australopithecus (215774) | about 2 years ago | (#42062131)

Gather ten of your friends, remove all of your glasses, concentrate the rays of the sun, creating a spectacle oven. Voila.

Editor fail. (1)

Ehgeekay (2022008) | about 2 years ago | (#42062133)

You missed a comma.

Heatsink (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062137)

Use the entire turkey as heatsink in a radically overclocked PC.

Re:Heatsink (1)

vjoel (945280) | about 2 years ago | (#42062631)

Use the entire turkey as heatsink in a radically overclocked PC.

Why can't you just overclock the turkey?

Let Mom do it... (4, Insightful)

H0p313ss (811249) | about 2 years ago | (#42062141)

Really? What self respecting geek doesn't go home to be pampered by Mom?

Re:Let Mom do it... (1)

jtownatpunk.net (245670) | about 2 years ago | (#42062267)

My mother's dead, you insensitive prick!

And my dad does the cooking at gramma's Thanksgiving feast because she can't get around well any more. (Actually, he's more of a waldo that gramma controls from her chair in the living room.) I generally don't venture into snow country this time of year so I mooch off the generosity of friends.

Re:Let Mom do it... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062485)

And which of the other geeks don't go upstairs to be pampered by Mom?

Get the Geekiest Meat Thermometer you can find! (1)

kawabago (551139) | about 2 years ago | (#42062153)

I have one with a cable that goes out the oven door. It works great but I'd love a wireless one if someone can make heat tolerant electronics.

Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (5, Funny)

retroworks (652802) | about 2 years ago | (#42062155)

Put it in the freezer, thaw and eat by yourself on Thursday, watching re-runs of Star Trek?

Re: Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (1)

thief_inc (466143) | about 2 years ago | (#42062215)

That hurt, I am currently watching all of ST:Voyager.

On Topic I am smoking my turkey.

Re: Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (4, Funny)

mdenham (747985) | about 2 years ago | (#42062295)

How are you keeping it lit, and where did you find rolling papers that size?

Re: Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062411)

http://weednomo.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/big-joint.jpg

Re: Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062573)

I tried to watch all of ST:Voyager. Tried and failed, you ask? Tried and died.

Re:Order Turkey Sandwich on White at Subways (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062569)

Sadly, that is essentially the plan.
I'll have to watch something else now.

Propane with propane accessories. (1)

jtownatpunk.net (245670) | about 2 years ago | (#42062159)

BBQ.

Bitcoins of course! (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062167)

This being slashdot, the correct answer is mine BitCoins. Place turkey in GPU exhaust, wait until golden brown, serve.

Order one precooked from Boston Market (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062195)

Have it delivered while you play Planet Side 2 in your parents' basement.

Turkey with vodka (5, Funny)

Lord Lode (1290856) | about 2 years ago | (#42062223)

Take the turkey.
Pour a bit of the vodka on it.
Drink a bit of the remaining vodka.
Prepare to put the turkey in the oven.
Pour some more vodka on it.
Sip some more of the remaininng vodka.
Put the burkey in the oben.
Taek anohter brink of the vokda.
Tuern om the onev at 200 degrees.
Whihle waithtng for durkey the to beacome reday, fiinsh the rest of the btotle.
Remuove teh rurheyk orfm eht oaven.
Clal am aumbuleance to treat yoru bruns.

Cook it on your GPU's heatsink, running SETI@home. (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062225)

At least that's how I'd do it

gravity (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062235)

I launch my turkeys into low earth orbit, I use the heat from reentry to cook it.
 

Science! (1)

Jetra (2622687) | about 2 years ago | (#42062239)

Something using chemicals and thermonuclear action.

Are you cooking the turkey to eat it? (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062241)

I don't get it.

Are you cooking the turkey to eat it? Because if you are, there's only a handful of time tested methods to do so (in the oven, on the BBQ, sometimes deep-fried in a giant vat of cooking oil or grease). I've watched a lot of cooking shows on TV and I'm by no means an "expert" on this stuff, but every time I see someone working with turkey the formula is always the same- apply heat until cooked, add something else, then consume.

So I'm really not sure what "within the limits of normal society (or outside if you wish)" means. Are you looking for an answer like "I hoist my turkeys 200ft into the air, then shoot at them with improvised rifles fashioned from recycled microwave magnetrons and a focusing coil/antenna I built in my garage"? Or are you looking for an advanced culinary technique that few people use, but can otherwise yield amazing results? That "or outside if you wish" really gets me, because I'm sure there's a civilization somewhere out there in space who cooks their turkeys by loading them into a trebuchet, setting them on fire, then launching them into a volcano where a lone volunteer must venture to retrieve the cooked bird after a set amount of time as some sort of ritual/right of passage. That's outside normal society, right?

I'm trying really hard not to say "just fucking google it", but that's the best advice I can offer. Just. Fucking. Google. It. I'm not even sure why you think most Slashdot folks would know how to cook a turkey- unless you want them to venture out of the basement and go ask their moms.

Re:Are you cooking the turkey to eat it? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062577)

"some sort of ritual/right of passage." ... and don't forget your passport, so that you have a right to that passage.

RTG (1)

phrostie (121428) | about 2 years ago | (#42062251)

just saying

Mom's Basement (1)

ff1324 (783953) | about 2 years ago | (#42062259)

Mom! HEY MOM! Bring me some turkey down here! MOM!!!!!

The Large Hadron Collider (1)

Vinegar Joe (998110) | about 2 years ago | (#42062273)

Does a pretty good job on the turkey but totally fucks up the stuffing.

With a lightbulb? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062277)

Works for Chicken!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00hcbq7

Imploding a turkey (1)

Grayhand (2610049) | about 2 years ago | (#42062291)

Wrap your turkey in C-4 and implode the turkey. The geeky part is getting a perfect implosion so shaping the explosives will take some computer modeling and getting the right detonators is tricky to achieve implosion.

Chemistry (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062297)

Cooking involves complex chemistry and physics. Learning to cook consistently good food is a very difficult, geeky achievement.

One word (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062315)

Skullfuck.

geekiest? ok.. here it goes... (4, Interesting)

wierd_w (1375923) | about 2 years ago | (#42062325)

I can't vouch for the edibility of the finished product, but....

Take 1 frozen turkey, and remove plastic wrapping.

Place on a ceramic or glass pedistal.

Plug in your 5000v induction heater [wikipedia.org] charge controller.

Wrap a coil of 10 gauge or thicker copper wire around a large stockpot to a height suitable for the intended purpose. Remove from stockpot, and attach coil to the charge controller.

Carefully lower the coil over and around the frozen turkey, taking care to assure that the coil does not short, and does not touch the turkey.

Turn the charge controller on, and observe carefully. A mysterious orange glow eminating from the frozen turkey is normal. It may be necessary to throttle back the voltage of the induction coil to avoid incineration of the turkey. Using a frozen turkey improves chances of first time success.

Keep children, pets, and the elderly away from the induction heater at all times, and always wear appropriate protective clothing and safety goggles.

Re:geekiest? ok.. here it goes... (2)

alexander_686 (957440) | about 2 years ago | (#42062419)

I am missing something here. Induction heats metal so it’s great for getting a fry pan hot in a hurry. But unless the Turkey is made out of metal, I don’t see much happening here.

Re:geekiest? ok.. here it goes... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062617)

"But unless the Turkey is made out of metal, I don’t see much happening here."

You insensitive clod! He thinks turkey is as loaded with mercury as is tuna. Works for tuna.

Ok, ok, it doesn't, because mercury is non-ferrous ... sheesh, you try to make a simple joke ...

Re:geekiest? ok.. here it goes... (1)

broginator (1955750) | about 2 years ago | (#42062459)

I think you win.

fucking cranky (0)

heptapod (243146) | about 2 years ago | (#42062327)

Slashdot keeps getting worse. I've seen better shitposting on 4chan and reddit.

In the past, under Taco, someone would've posted something really awesome about preparing a turkey with detailed instructions. Nowadays Slashdot is so fucking desperate for content to remain relevant the site's trying to get other people to write shit.

Just stop. Return to the current state of being a week behind the rest of the internet regarding news and tech.

What's the hottest running CPU? (1)

Culture20 (968837) | about 2 years ago | (#42062335)

Or gpu?

Re:What's the hottest running CPU? (1)

Alter_3d (948458) | about 2 years ago | (#42062595)

I'm not sure what is the current champion, but probably the most infamous ones were the Prescott P4 and the Nvidia Geforce 5800 AKA Dustbuster

My favorite way (4, Funny)

titanium93 (839011) | about 2 years ago | (#42062337)

Walk over to the replicator and say "White meat Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes w/gravy & gelled cranberry sauce" Oh and 'Earl Grey Tea please'

Alton Brown (1)

Vrallis (33290) | about 2 years ago | (#42062361)

I've learned two big things over the years, both from Alton Brown, the geek god of cooking:

- A brine beats injections. I used to inject, now I brine. I don't use his brine recipe though. Mine has the usual salt and sugar, but I also use broth, some apple juice, a cayenne-based pepper sauce (Frank's, Louisiana, etc.), butter and herbs (mostly sage of course). I warm it enough to dissolve everything and get the flavors mingling, chill it, and brine the turkey fully submerged, breast-down overnight. I'm about to go get my started right after I finish this post! I also reserve some of this brine to pool up inside the cavity of the turkey when I first throw it in the oven.

- Use a real thermometer. If you use his method (the hot start then foil shield) you'll pull it when the breast reaches 155 and after resting your white and dark meat temperatures should be dead-on.

brine is nasty (0)

r00t (33219) | about 2 years ago | (#42062507)

It makes good meat taste like ham.

BTW, that 155 better be Celsius. It seems high, but any other 155 (K, F, or R) would be horrid.

One more thing. (1)

aoeu (532208) | about 2 years ago | (#42062511)

Pull it out of the cold brine early and let rise toward room temperature. Then place the bird's breast in ice water until it has dropped twenty degrees in comparison to the thighs. Dry, stuff, and roast. It all gets done at the same time that way.

Re:Alton Brown (1)

hguorbray (967940) | about 2 years ago | (#42062521)

he is the best -his road trip show and his mc ing of Iron Chef are both great and he has written some really scientific cookbooks:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/im-just-here-for-the-food-alton-brown/1103672180?ean=9781584795599

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/im-just-here-for-more-food-alton-brown/1102895628?ean=9781584793410

the second one gets into the the tricky art of baking, where due to chemistry and physics it really does matter what your ingredient ratios, temp, etc are

-I'm just sayin'

The geekiest way to cook a turkey (1)

scourfish (573542) | about 2 years ago | (#42062365)

is to wait for your mom to call you up from the basement where you live to eat the Thanksgiving dinner she cooked.

The Mythbusters way (1)

jfdavis668 (1414919) | about 2 years ago | (#42062397)

Strapped to a ship's radar, or with C4.

NASA has it covered (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062425)

If these aren't the geekiest ways to cook a a turkey, I don't know what is:
http://gizmodo.com/5962516/nasa-scientists-show-four-ways-to-cook-your-turkey

throw it up into a radar (1)

k6mfw (1182893) | about 2 years ago | (#42062447)

May have to do it a number of times. I once did something like this on a ocean liner back in 1970s with an apple. It was at nighttime and being a teenager I found the whole vessel activities boring. Spent a lot of time outside on the deck, the portion above the bridge and above that was the antenna mast with a rotating dish (classic oval about 5 ft wide). I threw the apple into its beam and (I didn't catch it, hit the floor) when retrieved it was warm. Was going to do it again but some passenger stopped me.

Another option is hang turkey in front of a commercial microwave dish.

A standard microwave oven is extremely geeky. (1)

mpoulton (689851) | about 2 years ago | (#42062451)

Microwave it. You only get geek points for this if you actually understand how your microwave oven works, at a very detailed level both in theory and in hardware. Super bonus points if you microwave your turkey from across the yard using a magnetron and parabolic reflector.

Flashlights? (1)

MadCow42 (243108) | about 2 years ago | (#42062465)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goWuvXz1qC4 [youtube.com]

Yes, they cook a turkey with flashlights in 2.5 hours. 6 flashlights. (not Fleshlights!).

MadCow.

Crowdfunding (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062483)

I used crowdfunding to create a 3D turkey printer that puts layers of meat that is cooked in realtime with lasers. Oh wait im getting sued for patent...

Did you mean sciencey/techy way? (4, Interesting)

poity (465672) | about 2 years ago | (#42062499)

Because I imagine "geeky" can mean much more than that. A history buff who researches the traditional cooking methods and ingredients used by the pilgrims, and then sets out to replicate it with a wild turkey that he shoots and cleans would be doing it in a geeky way. A gardening buff who dries his own herbs and spices, and makes his stuffing from scratch with the leftover rosemary bread he baked last week would be doing it in a geeky way. And, of course, the science buff who levitates his turkey with magnets and blasts it with a high powered directed energy canon (dialed down for juiciness) would also be doing it in a geeky way.

Honestly though I'd rather prefer the garden geek's turkey, though it may be too late to plant your herbs now.

delegation... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062515)

Let your mother cook it for you.

To Boldly Go... (1)

hondo77 (324058) | about 2 years ago | (#42062519)

Set your phaser to just below "heat a rock". Shouldn't take that long. Skin comes out really crispy, too.

On my (1)

Brad1138 (590148) | about 2 years ago | (#42062523)

Nvidia GPU...

One Word: (1)

CrimsonAvenger (580665) | about 2 years ago | (#42062533)

Turducken....

We can't, there are no turkeys in Stormwind (1)

Press2ToContinue (2424598) | about 2 years ago | (#42062535)

next question

Nothing tops our first 1972 microwave (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062539)

So this was 1974 and I was just a junior high-schooler and my mom had just bought a brand new Microwave oven! A very old school microwave with an analog timer, and analog heat setting. The challenge was: Cook a turkey in it. So the bird was stuffed and into the micro it went. 2.25 hours later we had a fully cooked rubber bird with dry grey skin and chewy stuffing. It was ugly but it sure was tasty.

Thermite (1)

LSDelirious (1569065) | about 2 years ago | (#42062543)

Fully cooked in about 2 seconds.

Using a PC cooled by cooking oil (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062579)

So there were PCs cooled using gallons of cooking oil. Seems to me it may be warm enough to fry a turkey. If more heat is needed, crank up settings on a game and play.

Turduckenenduckenen (5, Funny)

tehniobium (1042240) | about 2 years ago | (#42062581)

Vi Hart (previously featured on /.) has posted a geeky turkey video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjrI91J6jOwm [youtube.com] , which I found rather amusing!

Bionic Turkey (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062591)

This has to be the way to do it! - http://www.cookingissues.com/2009/11/25/turkey-time-part-3-how-to-cook-it/

LHC (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062611)

That is the geekiest way to cook a turkey. Society doesn't have any limits.

BEER! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 years ago | (#42062615)

Not sure if you can get a beer can big enough .. but works well on a chicken ... insert beer can (open/with hole in it) in chicken. Cook

Eat.

Drink rest of slab of beer.

With your computer! (1)

berchca (414155) | about 2 years ago | (#42062629)

Stick it in the case with eight-core processor, then play Call of Duty for five hours.

OT (3, Interesting)

Alien Being (18488) | about 2 years ago | (#42062637)

Now you may all ask yourself what any of this has to do with turkey, and you'd be right for asking. I wish there was a simple answer but, friends, it ain't simple. It's Thanksgiving.

Alice's Restaurant
By Arlo Guthrie

This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the
restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's
Restaurant.

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of
room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room,
seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't
have to take out their garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So
we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the city dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was a fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw ours down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid,
we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
under that garbage."

After speaking to Obie for about forty-five minutes on the telephone we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the
shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the
police officer's station.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at
the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I
can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where this happened here, they got three stop
signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put
us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not
what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street,
where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to
look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604."

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargeant came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."

Didn't feel too good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
things, until the Sergeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
following words:

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the sergeant, said, "Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women,
kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Washington."

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
guitar.

With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.

So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

All right now.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant

Load More Comments
Slashdot Login

Need an Account?

Forgot your password?