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Groupon Still Losing Money, CEO Is Fired And Leaks Final Email

Unknown Lamer posted about a year ago | from the can't-even-use-the-subjunctive dept.

Businesses 207

New submitter Inzkeeper writes with news that the CEO of Groupon met the axe today: "Groupon CEO Andrew Mason made public an email he sent to Groupon employees. He takes responsibility for the company's downturn, expresses his appreciation for his staff, and wishes them well. 'For those who are concerned about me, please don't be — I love Groupon, and I'm terribly proud of what we've created. I'm OK with having failed at this part of the journey. If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through.'" Despite increased revenues, they are still losing about $81 million each quarter, and Wall Street needs blood.

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207 comments

For those who are concerned about me (4, Insightful)

Ripp (17047) | about a year ago | (#43041045)

I bet most stopped right there.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (4, Informative)

geekoid (135745) | about a year ago | (#43041117)

He is the founder, and probably know a lot of people therr personally.

Funny, but I am reminded of the old joke... (4, Funny)

rmdingler (1955220) | about a year ago | (#43041161)

I've always hated him, but I'll go to his funeral just to make sure he's really dead.

Re:Funny, but I am reminded of the old joke... (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042097)

I don't know anything about him, but it was the best CEO firing letter ever.

After four and a half intense and wonderful years as CEO of Groupon, I've decided that I'd like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding - I was fired today. If you're wondering why... you haven't been paying attention.

and

For those who are concerned about me, please don't be - I love Groupon, and I'm terribly proud of what we've created. I'm OK with having failed at this part of the journey. If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through. I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to take the company this far with all of you. I'll now take some time to decompress (FYI I'm looking for a good fat camp to lose my Groupon 40, if anyone has a suggestion), and then maybe I'll figure out how to channel this experience into something productive.

I'm sure he made plenty of cash and now is a good time to get the hell away from GroupOn, toxic as it is.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (5, Insightful)

multiben (1916126) | about a year ago | (#43041317)

Harsh. It may be convenient to group people into nice neat categories eg. "All CEOs are terrible people with no feelings", but in reality the world is a much more varied place.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (1)

Rogerborg (306625) | about a year ago | (#43041467)

Yup, maybe they should look for a CEO with at least a tenuous connection to reality.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (1)

Mitreya (579078) | about a year ago | (#43041987)

For those who are concerned about me

Personally, I would reserve judgement until I know what his severance package is. If he left without one, then I might be concerned. If he was given a few million in cash/stock before he left, then there is hardly any reason to worry, is there?

It's not that CEOs don't get fired, it's that they often make more money by being fired then they do by working.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (4, Informative)

rekoil (168689) | about a year ago | (#43042235)

His severance package is $378.36 [cnn.com] . not $378 thousand or $378 million, Three Hundred and Seventy Eight dollars and Thirty Six cents.

Re: For those who are concerned about me (5, Funny)

paiute (550198) | about a year ago | (#43042263)

He got a Groupon for a $1 million severance package for only $500,000.

ohhhh (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041053)

yeah groupon is great, I hope to get f!rst

His problem is that they're too small (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041061)

You need to be big like Amazon to lose money like that.

Re:His problem is that they're too small (5, Funny)

Sponge Bath (413667) | about a year ago | (#43041191)

Maybe Amazon should buy Groupon. Think of the synergies and new paradigms in losses!

Re:His problem is that they're too small (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041815)

Amazon has a competing service...that's why groupon is getting boned.

Battletoads? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041073)

Is this some sort of advertisement for Gametop?

On the other end... (5, Insightful)

zoffdino (848658) | about a year ago | (#43041097)

There's a company that pumped the highest profit in a quarter without pumping oil. Massive cash pile, no debt. And Wall Street continues to punish it. Wall Street wants bloods.

Re:On the other end... (-1, Flamebait)

Sponge Bath (413667) | about a year ago | (#43041261)

It didn't take long for the anti-Apple modders to get to you. Remember, you are only allowed to say bad things about Apple.

Re:On the other end... (1)

zoffdino (848658) | about a year ago | (#43041307)

But I did not utter the name of It-Who-Cannot-be-Named :((

Re:On the other end... (-1, Flamebait)

Sponge Bath (413667) | about a year ago | (#43041349)

Your post was absolutely correct and on-topic. Some people just can't handle that.

Re:On the other end... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041799)

But I did not utter the name of It-Who-Cannot-be-Named :((

True, but your post smelled kind of fruity.

Re:On the other end... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041691)

They're right to, the company has no future. They're getting killed in the market. ... and they're complete assholes, so good riddance. Their abuse of the patent system is inexcusable.

Re:On the other end... (-1, Troll)

MikeDataLink (536925) | about a year ago | (#43041741)

Nice post a AC, but you're wrong on all counts. If you weren't AC I'd take the time to explain why.

Re:On the other end... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041869)

Nice post a AC, but you're wrong on all counts. If you weren't AC I'd take the time to explain why.

I doubt that, if you had any sort of argument to make you'd have made it. Names are only needed when the poster is relying on his or her reputation, or when you're planning to launch a personal attack instead of making a real argument. But looking at the parent post, I guess it's just a case of a troll with a face slamming on one without.

But just FYI, this entire thread is nothing but flamebait, plain and simple so I'll respond in kind... only a complete dipshit would even bother using a real account to respond to it.

Re:On the other end... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041895)

Covering up your ignorance by pretending to take the high road and not responding to an AC? Nice try...Guess you should have sold your AAPL last month. Its still not too late.

Re:On the other end... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041819)

Are you the same bitch who was talking the same nonsense about another well hated company around here for the last decade and a half? Yawn... I've always said that if I wanted to know how to invest I could just come here and do the opposite of what the Slashtards told me to do.

Re:On the other end... (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041733)

I know. What is the problem with Nintendo stock? Their products are solid, they own a lot of influential IP, and a large stock of cash. It better get above $20 by the end of the year, they are definitely undervalued.

Re:On the other end... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041761)

Spare me your apologetics. Wall Street sees something in apple's future that you are unable to understand.

the reason apple got to be so profitable was innovative design. these days, Apple's os looks the same as it did 5 years ago. Its smartphone got slightly bigger. The mp3 market is drying up. There are now hundreds of tablets on the market and apple releases a smaller one.

The market isn't biased against apple. It's simply realizing that the wave of iPod,iPhone,iPad is over. If apple isn't creating their own market then they're just coasting along and their stock value should reflect that.

Re:On the other end... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042213)

Apple's os looks the same as it did 5 years ago

Apple should change it for change's sake. It worked so well for Gnome, KDE and Windows 8!

Re:On the other end... (3, Interesting)

_xeno_ (155264) | about a year ago | (#43041977)

Since you replied to the AC only to say you won't answer ACs, I'll reply logged in. Just for you.

Apple's fucked. They have no future. Their latest iPhone was a large "meh." It wasn't a flop, but it certainly wasn't the success that earlier versions were.

Samsung, on the other hand, is showing impressive growth in that sector. Apple pissed off Samsung and lost their best supplier of quality parts. As a result, all Apple products that were using Samsung parts are now much, much worse. The new "retinal MacBook" has screens that have a "burn in" problem and apparently tint horribly pink.

There's no hotly anticipated Apple release on the horizon. No one really cares what the next iPad will be. Every other tablet on the market meets its standard. The lackluster iPhone 5 release means no one cares about the next iPhone either. Apparently Apple still makes computers, but no one who isn't an Apple fan cares about those.

Where's the future for Apple? Unless they announce something big real soon now, Wall Street is absolutely right to dump them. Google Glass is going to release soon (maybe), what's Apple's answer to that?

Re:On the other end... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042067)

Apple is now absolutely the worst manufacturer of hardware and software...

except for all the others.

Samsung does make great components... but their products are cheesy shit.

Apple may suck... but everyone else is so fucking far behind them whatever point you think you're trying to make is completely moot.

Re:On the other end... (2)

ergo98 (9391) | about a year ago | (#43042163)

I know, right? Being valued at $410 billion -- on the backs of two consumer products in a very fickle market -- is just brutally punishing, treating them like some fly-by-night nobodies. How grossly unfair.

Re:On the other end... (2)

quenda (644621) | about a year ago | (#43042231)

And Wall Street continues to punish it.

In what sense? The only real way Wall St can punish a company is by not loaning them money, which Apple has no need of.
Are you complaining about the stock price? $400billion valuation is "punishment"!?
It is very high already in terms of revenue, employees, etc.
Apple is not a big company like Ford or General Electric, just very profitable at the moment. Stock price reflects the market opinion of future profit.

Re:On the other end... (1)

phantomfive (622387) | about a year ago | (#43042281)

But will Apple's profits continue to increase? That is the question. If we knew for certain that they would, then Apple's stock price would be much higher now. Can you answer that question though? Are you certain that Apple's profits will increase? As a longtime Apple shareholder, I am not certain.

If Groupon was Battletoads (5, Funny)

drinkypoo (153816) | about a year ago | (#43041105)

I nominate this for nerd meme of 2013. If slashdot was battletoads. If the republican national convention was battletoads. If shopping at Wal-Mart was battletoads. And then all those of us who never played it will have to make friends with gamefaqs all over again to understand WTF everyone is talking about.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

wiredlogic (135348) | about a year ago | (#43041177)

I played it like 25 years ago and don't remember much of it either so you're in good company.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (4, Informative)

eldavojohn (898314) | about a year ago | (#43041201)

I nominate this for nerd meme of 2013. If slashdot was battletoads. If the republican national convention was battletoads. If shopping at Wal-Mart was battletoads. And then all those of us who never played it will have to make friends with gamefaqs all over again to understand WTF everyone is talking about.

There hasn't been a Battletoads game released since 1994 but recently Battletoads has seen reemergence on boards like 4chan and Reddit. It has been used by Anonymous to prank scientology [knowyourmeme.com] .

I'd imagine he could have included that in there to try to make himself look like an average guy who's in on all the jokes (not the reality). It has also been used for trolling -- perhaps he was trolling? Put up a screenshot of Battletoads and ask "Is this Battletoads?"

And then there's also the possibility that he really likes the game, wants to see a sequel and therefore decides that he can give it a ton of publicity by mentioning it in his farewell e-mail.

Who knows or cares at this point?

I found this hilarious from the article:

In addition, Mason also has support on the eight-member board — director and former AOL exec Ted Leonsis has always been a key mentor to him, for example.

What is this? Game of Thrones?

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (5, Insightful)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | about a year ago | (#43041267)

I'm pretty sure that 'being CEO of a company built on skimming a percentage of the profits from businesses willing to lose money and make it up in volume' is epic trolling on a scale that most trolls will never even be able to dream of...

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (4, Interesting)

guttentag (313541) | about a year ago | (#43041519)

I used to work with someone who was close to Ted Leonsis. Ted's great infamous achievement is that he came up with the idea of blanketing the country in AOL disks. He made a lot of money at AOL and then got into buying DC-area sports teams. The media often liked to hold him up as a tech sector golden boy, but I can assure you that being close to Ted Leonsis is no guarantee of success. If anything, I find it interesting that Groupon's CEO was "mentored" by Ted, because I always thought the way Groupon advertised their coupon service was as strangely pervasive as AOL disks were. Put out enough and you're bound to get some return.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

SIR_Taco (467460) | about a year ago | (#43041837)

Put out enough and you're bound to get some return.

That's what she said!

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (4, Insightful)

reverseengineer (580922) | about a year ago | (#43042227)

The analogy between Battletoads and Groupon goes even deeper. Just as Battletoads had an infamous bug that prevented Player 2 from completing Level 11 (they would just sit motionless until they lost all their lives), Groupon looks like in the near future it will be stuck in Chapter 11.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1, Funny)

DigiShaman (671371) | about a year ago | (#43041235)

This CEO is a clown! Drafting up a final email referencing...Battletoads?! WTF? Talk about random.

Shampo and wrench! Nope, I can't pull it off like he can.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1, Troll)

geekoid (135745) | about a year ago | (#43041637)

OMG, referencing an old game for humor! Computer nerds would never act that way!

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (0, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041271)

"were", not was FFS.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

drinkypoo (153816) | about a year ago | (#43041493)

"were", not was FFS.

By the standard rules of memes, it's irrelevant whether you're correct.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

aliquis (678370) | about a year ago | (#43041309)

I had to google it to.

Still better than a car analogy though.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

archen (447353) | about a year ago | (#43041389)

But what if the car were Battletoads?

If Microsoft was Battletoads (0)

Tackhead (54550) | about a year ago | (#43041417)

I nominate this for nerd meme of 2013. If slashdot was battletoads. If the republican national convention was battletoads. If shopping at Wal-Mart was battletoads. And then all those of us who never played it will have to make friends with gamefaqs all over again to understand WTF everyone is talking about.

I'm in.

If Microsoft was Battletoads, it would be like the rat army working for a chair-throwing Big Blag.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (4, Insightful)

guttentag (313541) | about a year ago | (#43041439)

If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be short-lived, fictitious, and not popular with today's consumers. Maybe Groupon is Battletoads.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (4, Funny)

antifoidulus (807088) | about a year ago | (#43041845)

And much like Battletoads Groupon seemed really cool at first, only to get frustratingly difficult very quickly to the point that most people just gave up.

Re:If Groupon was Battletoads (1)

ergo98 (9391) | about a year ago | (#43042175)

Haven't logged into Slashdot in just short of forever, but I see that you're my foe. To the death!

They should have taken the $6B from Google (4, Insightful)

cryfreedomlove (929828) | about a year ago | (#43041147)

2 years ago Google offered $5B to $6B [latimes.com] to buy Groupon. Groupon turned them down and today their market cap is $3B. Oops.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (4, Insightful)

the_humeister (922869) | about a year ago | (#43041253)

I'm not sure that's really what happened. I'll bet it's more like Google looked at their books, said "WTF???" and let Groupon "back away" from the deal to save face.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (5, Interesting)

rudy_wayne (414635) | about a year ago | (#43041347)

I'm not sure that's really what happened. I'll bet it's more like Google looked at their books, said "WTF???" and let Groupon "back away" from the deal to save face.

That's a very real possibility. Another possibility is that Andrew Mason really did turn down Google's offer because he knew it would kill his scam. Google isn't just going to walk in and hand them a check for $6 Billion. There's a lot of "due diligence".

Groupon was cooking the books, losing money but showing profitability. Mason was probably worried that if word got out that Google killed the deal because of what they found, Groupon would be tainted and that could put a serious damper on their IPO.

Don't cry for Andrew Mason, the fired CEO. Thanks to Groupon's IPO he leaves a pretty wealthy guy. Which is what this was really all about all along.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (-1, Troll)

geekoid (135745) | about a year ago | (#43041665)

There as no scam, I'm not sure why you think there was. He made people offers,and then he delivered what he said he would. So, no it isn't a scam.
"Groupon was cooking the books, losing money but showing profitability
stop making stuff up you idiot.

People start business to make money and become wealthy? the Deuce you say!

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (1)

larry bagina (561269) | about a year ago | (#43041695)

Those were known problems at the time of their IPO. Anyone who bought into it was either gambling ("I bet someone else is a bigger idiot than me!") or should see a doctor about their color blindness. Since they ignored all those red flags.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (1)

alen (225700) | about a year ago | (#43042017)

Not a scam, just a crappy business model
Most group one I see are over priced and from places I would never give my business to. The good deals are long gone because any good business will have repeat customers

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041259)

Overpriced. Google should have offered half a billion at most.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (1)

Man On Pink Corner (1089867) | about a year ago | (#43041289)

I dunno, I got a business to run here, and only so much space in inventory. Lemme call a buddy of mine who's an expert on overpriced dot-coms.

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (1)

Mashiki (184564) | about a year ago | (#43041905)

Is he a time traveler from 2000? You might want to give him a tip about the impending crash...

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041299)

So you're saying they should've waited for the Groupon on Groupon?

Re:They should have taken the $6B from Google (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042055)

As if Google's stock isn't overpriced. Maybe they drank their own Kool Aid.

What?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041153)

I hope the company that managed the takes the credibility hit it deserves.

Despite increased revenues, they are still losing about $81 million each quarter, and Wall Street needs blood.

This company has always been a sham. There aren't enough new businesses able to soak up the cost of all the free-riders who use is coupon model as aan imainery marketing opportunity to keep Groupon alive long enough to make it to profitability and keep it there. It's stock price has been a wonderful short sale opportunity since say one. The fact that anyone was convince to believe otherwise is a testimony to the magnitude of the ignorance upon which Wall Street constructed the real estate backed investment banking scam of the century.

Of course investors want a (blood) pay-off. Why else do you think they bought the stock to begin with? When the actual truth behind a comany whose expenses continue to rise faster than its revenue, what else would you expect? Groupon's fraudulent (but legal while it was private) accounting practices weren't corrected until after it went public, and the first thing that happened after that was the stock tanked by about 50%.

Soooooo (2)

roboticbebop (2771317) | about a year ago | (#43041157)

.. does this mean that everybody's caught on to their predatory business model?

Re:Soooooo (3, Insightful)

tftp (111690) | about a year ago | (#43041185)

does this mean that everybody's caught on to their predatory business model?

No, not everybody. Just those who haven't seen it from day zero.

Re:Soooooo (1)

iMadeGhostzilla (1851560) | about a year ago | (#43042229)

For no particular reason I'm going to toot my own horn -- I can't say I *saw* Groupon failing, but was certainly hoping for it:

        Re:This is what we value in this country (Score:1)
        by iMadeGhostzilla (1851560) on Saturday March 19 2011, @01:05AM (#35538564)
        > This is what we value in this country. Companies that spam coupons for the masses to buy more shit they don't need.
        Thank you! I thought I was going crazy seeing how so many people even *here* think it's cool, and these are people who are used to creating value. If I ever wanted to see a concept fail, it's this one.

Re:Soooooo (4, Insightful)

CastrTroy (595695) | about a year ago | (#43041215)

The thing is, they could probably stand to make a lot of money if they weren't quite so predatory. I think that for the most part, the people who bought the groupons were quite happy. However, the businesses who offered the groupons often got shafted. I'm sure they could easily change the way they they deal with businesses to make sure they have a much better experience. For instance, most of the time they push for no limits on the number of coupons sold. Instead, there should always be a limit, because most businesses aren't set up to handle the amount of business that Groupon could send to them. Groupon would still make money off the deal, and would probably even have some repeat business.

Re:Soooooo (1, Interesting)

rudy_wayne (414635) | about a year ago | (#43041411)

The thing is, they could probably stand to make a lot of money if they weren't quite so predatory. I think that for the most part, the people who bought the groupons were quite happy. However, the businesses who offered the groupons often got shafted. I'm sure they could easily change the way they they deal with businesses to make sure they have a much better experience. For instance, most of the time they push for no limits on the number of coupons sold. Instead, there should always be a limit, because most businesses aren't set up to handle the amount of business that Groupon could send to them. Groupon would still make money off the deal, and would probably even have some repeat business.

Even if Groupon were less "predatory" it's still a bad deal for businesses. Businesses are losing money on every sale that uses a Groupon based on the hope that it will generate repeat business. But a couple of years experience with Groupon has shown that it just doesn't happen.

People go in, get their good deal, and then move on to the next deal. That's not theory or opinion, those are the words of the many business owners who lost a lot of money dealing with Groupon.

Re:Soooooo (2, Insightful)

geekoid (135745) | about a year ago | (#43041685)

Do you keep cutting and pasting that?

Not all business lost money on every sale. Stupid ones that offered to much did. That's not Groupons fault, and Groupon isn't predetory.

Yes, some idiot decides they are going to sell cup caked to an unlimited number of people for a dime, they are going to lose money.

Of course, it never occurs to them to put a volume limit, or simply close earl;y when they realize they have made a mistake.

It's all groupon's fault.
I talk about this to every place I use a groupon at.

Re:Soooooo (1)

CastrTroy (595695) | about a year ago | (#43041709)

The business doesn't have to offer a price so low they are losing money. That's just another thing that Groupon pushes them to do. Groupon could operate similar services while ensuring that the business actually made a profit off each sale, as well as ensure that they weren't overwhelmed with more business than they can handle. There's plenty of cases where Groupon can be good for the business. I noticed my local rock climbing gym on there. They don't really have an expendables. Sure their equipment will undergo a bit more use, and their staff might be a little busier training newbs on how to belay, but if they introduce a couple new people to the sport, and get a couple memberships out of the deal, they most likely end up ahead. It's not like there's another rock climbing gym for the people to go to anywhere in the area.

Re:Soooooo (4, Funny)

fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) | about a year ago | (#43041325)

.. does this mean that everybody's caught on to their predatory business model?

It's worse than that: Not only is their business model predatory, it has a low first-mover advantage and minimal barriers to entry(and to the degree that the barriers are there, other people are way beyond them).

There is nothing stopping a bevy of more-or-less-exact imitators ('livesocial' and friends); but there is also nothing stopping the people who already issue the consumer's credit card and the small businesses' hosted-payroll service from spinning something ('Bank Amerideals(tm)').

Groupon was doubly screwed: not only are they vultures who are ultimately bad for the people they depend on to offer further offers, they are less efficient and well placed vultures than those who are already well entrenched. Bank of America, or any other major financial institution/credit card issuer, aren't creative enough to know their asses from a hole in the ground; but they are trivially better placed than groupon to skim a few extra percentage points from the transactions they already skim a few percentage points from.

Hero. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041163)

If the Battletoads analogy is accurate, this man is my hero. That game was fucking tough.

try Ghost N' Goblins (NES) - (2)

Cutting_Crew (708624) | about a year ago | (#43041367)

this is one of those 'take your controller out of the NES socket and throw it across the room' hard.

Re:try Ghost N' Goblins (NES) - (1)

drinkypoo (153816) | about a year ago | (#43041505)

Or basically any of the sequels to Contra. The original wasn't too horrible, but in any of the later and fancier games, if you didn't know what was where you were going to die.

I am so thankful that today we have games with more replay value than rote platformers.

Huh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041197)

Whats Groupon?

Re:Huh? (1)

OhANameWhatName (2688401) | about a year ago | (#43041241)

Whats Groupon?

It's one of those quick and dirty dating sites.

Re:Huh? (1)

Nidi62 (1525137) | about a year ago | (#43041419)

No, you're thinking of Gropeon

Battletoads, eh? (2, Funny)

grouchomarxist (127479) | about a year ago | (#43041233)

I have a theory of what the CEO was doing instead of fixing up Groupon.

Battletoads? (4, Funny)

OhANameWhatName (2688401) | about a year ago | (#43041255)

Now own up, who googled Battletoads?

Re:Battletoads? (4, Informative)

Binestar (28861) | about a year ago | (#43041573)

No one with a 5 digit UID I can assure you that.

Re:Battletoads? (2)

Intropy (2009018) | about a year ago | (#43041653)

I certainly know Battletoads. But Terra Tubes? I thought Battletoads only had three levels.

Re:Battletoads? (1)

madbrain (11432) | about a year ago | (#43042085)

I have never heard of either Battletoads or Terra tubes.

Re:Battletoads? (2)

Anne_Nonymous (313852) | about a year ago | (#43041781)

The Russians [google.com] apparently.

What ? (1)

nu1x (992092) | about a year ago | (#43041925)

I played the Game Boy version as a kid on a yellow/green GB, the memories and trauma runs deep.

I only made it to the third level (the one after bike level, oh the nightmares) twice (or three times).

So yeah. My nerd cred is still intact,

(for those not in the know, the original Battletoads is arguably one of the most unfairly hard games ever made, next to Ghouls'n'Ghosts and ilk. except more unfair) (also Takeshi's Challenge does not count, for it was just a troll)

Re:Battletoads? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042083)

Yeah, I did. So I don't know every shit game from when I was 18. Does that make me lose street cred with bitches like you? I guess faggots like you are just too cool. Go suck another dick.

Yes! (4, Interesting)

Y2K is bogus (7647) | about a year ago | (#43041265)

Let's see, a company who cons small business into bad decisions by taking advantage of their inability to quickly do an ROI and assess risk, is themselves falling ill to their unmitigated growth and overhead.

How much could it cost to run a company that just sells coupons?

Re:Yes! (-1, Troll)

geekoid (135745) | about a year ago | (#43041729)

OMG, you are an idiot.
any of those companies could have done a cost analyses, or not discounted below cost, or limited the number of coupons.

if a small business owner can't do basic ROI in there head on the fly, they are going to have a hard time succeeding. How can you own a small business and not know the general costs of your product?

on other news:
As some who watched several global and critical systems fail during Y2K testing, I assure you it was not bogus. a lot of money and hard work took care of it.
The fact that these multi million dollars system had duplicate systems just for testing should indicate how critical they are.

There were, of course, stupid medial alarmist making shit up. Like plains will fall out of the sky and what not.

Re:Yes! (2)

TheRealMindChild (743925) | about a year ago | (#43042033)

if poor people can't do basic ROI in there head on the fly, they are going to have a hard time succeeding.

Well, duh. Why do you think they are poor/small business?

Re:Yes! (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042039)

Judging by the sheer amount of Pro-Groupon turfing you've been doing I'm guessing you've got money invested in them, or are just completely clueless. The entire model is geared to push retailers to short-sell their products or services, it's a lowest-bidder war between the merchants who are putting them out. Groupon also aggressively markets to businesses which are already on the verge of failing, using a line of basically "well it's worth a last ditch effort" and as long as they don't close shop in a week Groupon makes their money and the buyer get fucked as well.

You also obviously don't understand the mind of the Coupon hunter- they are not going to PAY good money for a coupon if it's not a damn good deal. So what if I can save 10% to re-carpet my living room? I can get that deal any where in town. But when you're offering it at 50% of the best offer the competition runs, I might just decide it's time for some new floor coverings.

But arguing with you is rather pointless, people have seen Groupon, tried it, and walked away with a bad taste in their mouth. The stock price is tanking because all they are doing is spending more and more cash with less and less to show for it. So 'turf away, Mr. Shill, 'turf away... if you do it enough who knows... You might get your next purchase of Astroturf for 25% the normal rate!

Battletoads! (2)

rhazz (2853871) | about a year ago | (#43041285)

That's a classy (nerdy) way to go out! To lend weight to the Battletoads analogy, Terra Tubes is level 9 and this [youtube.com] is level 3. As you'll see it is nearly impossible to succeed without knowing what is ahead of you. Normally you would have to fail many times before you learned enough about the upcoming obstacles to get through.

Re:Battletoads! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43042135)

That level was SO hard!

Huh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041293)

He is Oklahoma with having failed?

Google? (1)

AlphaWolf_HK (692722) | about a year ago | (#43041355)

My search-fu is down at the moment, but iirc Google made an offer to buy them, why would they decline if they're in such dire straights?

Re:Google? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041525)

My search-fu is down at the moment, but iirc Google made an offer to buy them, why would they decline if they're in such dire straights?

1. Because that offer was made before Groupon was going to issue and IPO (a couple years ago, not now after years of losing money)
2. Because Google proposed to make an offer contingent on looking at the books.
3. Because Groupon probably thought that if the Google deal fell through, the $800M breakup fee wouldn't compensate for the financial damage as being perceived to be damaged goods vs the upside.

I'm sure that original offer from Google isn't still on the table after all these years...

"Leaks"?! (1)

fustakrakich (1673220) | about a year ago | (#43041373)

Goddammit! Stop it! You hear me? Just stop it!

Nerd doesn't make it back to the 90's anymore? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041495)

Or maybe I'm that sad that I knew exactly where he got to. My question for him is if he used the warps? Ah, nevermind. Even if he did warp this is quite the impossible feat to get to the first time you play Battletoads.

Go get yourselves an emulator and try to get out of the second area let alone to the Terra Tubes.

The Latest Ponzi Scheme (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041551)

Groupon = Cyberrebate

Battletoads and Small Businesses (1)

RedHackTea (2779623) | about a year ago | (#43041575)

My brother and I spent hours playing this game on NES. One of the things that made it so hard was no saves -- something that my brother and I would enforce on Halo in legendary mode when we got older. The hover motorcycles were fun; the art was intriguing. It was an amazing game and probably the most fun I've had with co-op. I don't know why they never tired to recreate this -- as long as it remains in 2D instead of 3D.

As far as the Groupon thing, I don't have much sympathy. I have a few entrepreneur friends. Groupon "recruiters" have harassed all of them relentlessly, while exclaiming that their competitors would get an upper hand from it. However, in reality, Groupon is pretty shit for small businesses. For big businesses, it probably is good since they have a lot of money to throw around, but then this screws over small businesses even more. I'm not spouting out theory; I've had actual friends affected by this. I never use Groupon unless I know that there's not a local small business competitor in the area, but I admit that this probably ruins it for entrepreneurs thinking about starting a new small business in the area.

Re:Battletoads and Small Businesses (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43041951)

How exactly is groupon so horrible? It is a fucking coupon that you control and set limits on how many coupons to distribute. If your margin is so thin that you cannot afford to offer discounts to attract new customers, then chances are your business won't be afloat for much longer. Groupon is really a marketing program, and one with a fairly decent and active community in it.

Great analogy (2)

TsuruchiBrian (2731979) | about a year ago | (#43041595)

If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through.

It is just like that especially if the consequences for dying in battletoads was losing $81 million each quarter. Usually when stakes are high, you don't get someone who's playing the game for the first time to be in charge.

talking about quarters the arcade ver was better (1)

Joe_Dragon (2206452) | about a year ago | (#43041973)

talking about quarters the arcade ver was better and had kick ass music from the BSMT2000 chip.

Ok, it's my fault he left. (1)

suprcvic (684521) | about a year ago | (#43041701)

I unsubscribed from all future emails from Groupon yesterday. Pretty sure that was the straw that broke the camels back for him.
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