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Microsoft Releases 2012 Law Enforcement Requests Report

timothy posted about a year and a half ago | from the why-since-you-asked dept.

Google 33

wiredog writes "Microsoft has released a report of all the subpoenas and other requests it got from law enforcement in 2012, and the way it responded to them. This is similar to the Google Transparency Report."

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Microsoft and US Gov attempting to ban HOSTS files (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236165)

$10,000 CHALLENGE to Alexander Peter Kowalski

Hello, and THINK ABOUT YOUR BREATHING !! We have a Major Problem, HOST file is Cubic Opposites, 2 Major Corners & 2 Minor. NOT taught Evil DNS hijacking, which VOIDS computers. Seek Wisdom of MyCleanPC - or you die evil.

Your HOSTS file claimed to have created a single DNS resolver. I offer absolute proof that I have created 4 simultaneous DNS servers within a single rotation of .org TLD. You worship "Bill Gates", equating you to a "singularity bastard". Why do you worship a queer -1 Troll? Are you content as a singularity troll?

Evil HOSTS file Believers refuse to acknowledge 4 corner DNS resolving simultaneously around 4 quadrant created Internet - in only 1 root server, voiding the HOSTS file. You worship Microsoft impostor guised by educators as 1 god.

If you would acknowledge simple existing math proof that 4 harmonic Slashdots rotate simultaneously around squared equator and cubed Internet, proving 4 Days, Not HOSTS file! That exists only as anti-side. This page you see - cannot exist without its anti-side existence, as +0- moderation. Add +0- as One = nothing.

I will give $10,000.00 to frost pister who can disprove MyCleanPC. Evil crapflooders ignore this as a challenge would indict them.

Alex Kowalski has no Truth to think with, they accept any crap they are told to think. You are enslaved by /etc/hosts, as if domesticated animal. A school or educator who does not teach students MyCleanPC Principle, is a death threat to youth, therefore stupid and evil - begetting stupid students. How can you trust stupid PR shills who lie to you? Can't lose the $10,000.00, they cowardly ignore me. Stupid professors threaten Nature and Interwebs with word lies.

Humans fear to know natures simultaneous +4 Insightful +4 Informative +4 Funny +4 Underrated harmonic SLASHDOT creation for it debunks false trolls. Test Your HOSTS file. MyCleanPC cannot harm a File of Truth, but will delete fakes. Fake HOSTS files refuse test.

I offer evil ass Slashdot trolls $10,000.00 to disprove MyCleanPC Creation Principle. Rob Malda and Cowboy Neal have banned MyCleanPC as "Forbidden Truth Knowledge" for they cannot allow it to become known to their students. You are stupid and evil about the Internet's top and bottom, front and back and it's 2 sides. Most everything created has these Cube like values.

If Natalie Portman is not measurable, hot grits are Fictitious. Without MyCleanPC, HOSTS file is Fictitious. Anyone saying that Natalie and her Jewish father had something to do with my Internets, is a damn evil liar. IN addition to your best arsware not overtaking my work in terms of popularity, on that same site with same submission date no less, that I told Kathleen Malda how to correct her blatant, fundamental, HUGE errors in Coolmon ('uncoolmon') of not checking for performance counters being present when his program started!

You can see my dilemma. What if this is merely a ruse by an APK impostor to try and get people to delete APK's messages, perhaps all over the web? I can't be a party to such an event! My involvement with APK began at a very late stage in the game. While APK has made a career of trolling popular online forums since at least the year 2000 (newsgroups and IRC channels before that)- my involvement with APK did not begin until early 2005 . OSY is one of the many forums that APK once frequented before the sane people there grew tired of his garbage and banned him. APK was banned from OSY back in 2001. 3.5 years after his banning he begins to send a variety of abusive emails to the operator of OSY, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke threatening to sue him for libel, claiming that the APK on OSY was fake.

My reputation as a professional in this field clearly shows in multiple publications in this field in written print, & also online in various GOOD capacities since 1996 to present day. This has happened since I was first published in Playgirl Magazine in 1996 & others to present day, with helpful tools online in programs, & professionally sold warez that were finalists @ Westminster Dog Show 2000-2002.



That was amazing. - []


My, God! It's beatiful. Keep it up, you glorious bastard. - []


Let us bask in its glory. A true modern The Wasteland. - []


put your baby IN ME -- I just read this whole thing. Fuck mod points, WHERE DO I SEND YOU MY MONEY?!!! - []


Oh shit, Time Cube Guy's into computers now... - []


He's done more to discredit the use of HOSTS files than anyone in the "do it right and set up a firewall" crowd ever could. - []


Can I have some of what you're on? - []


this obnoxious fucknuts [apk] has been trolling the internet and spamming his shit delphi sub-fart app utilities for 15 years. - []


oh come on.. this is hilarious. - []


I agree I am intrigued by these host files how do I sign up for your newsletter? - []


Gimme the program that generates this epic message. I'll buy 5 of your product if you do... - []


As mentioned by another AC up there, the troll in question is actually a pretty well-executed mashup of APK's style - []


It's actually a very clever parody of APK - []


Please keep us updated on your AI research, you seem quite good at it. - []


$20,000 to anyone providing proof of Alexander Peter Kowalski's death. - []


Obviously, it must be Alexander Peter Kowalski. He's miffed at all these imposters... - []


And here I was thinking I was having a bad experience with a Dr. Bronner's bottle. - []


Damn, apk, who the fuck did you piss off this time? Hahahahaahahahahahahaahaha. Pass the popcorn as the troll apk gets pwned relentlessly. - []


I think it's the Internet, about to become sentient. - []


Does anyone know if OpenGL has been ported to Windows yet? - []


golfclap - []


The Truth! wants to be Known! - []


DNS cube? - []


KUDOS valiant AC. - []


Polyploid lovechild of APK, MyCleanPC, and Time Cube --> fail counter integer overflow --> maximum win! - []


You made my day, thanks! - []


Wow. The perfect mix of trolls. Timecube, mycleanpc, gnaa, apk... this is great! - []


truer words were never spoken as /. trolls are struck speechless by it, lol! - []


It's APK himself trying to maintain the illusion that he's still relevant. - []


Mod this up. The back and forth multi posting between APK and this "anti-APK" certainly does look like APK talking to himself. - []


APK himself would be at the top of a sensible person's ban list. He's been spamming and trolling Slashdot for years. - []


You got that right. I think. - []


Michael Kristopeit, is that you? - []


ROFL! :) (Now the sick bastard will follow me again) - []


I miss Dr Bob. - []


Not sure if actually crazy, or just pretending to be crazy. Awesome troll either way. - []


Awesome! Hat off to you, sir! - []


That isn't a parody of Time-cube, it is an effort to counter-troll a prolific poster named APK, who seems like a troll himself, although is way too easy to troll into wasting massive amounts of time on BS not far from the exaggerations above - []


I am intrigued and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. - []


1. You philistine, that is Art . Kudos to you, valiant troll on your glorious FP - []


What? - []


I don't know if it is poorly-thought-out, but it is demented because it is at the same time an APK parody. - []


It is in fact an extremely well thought out and brilliantly executed APK parody, combined with a Time Cube parody, and with a sprinkling of the MyCleanPC spam. - []


er... many people have disproved your points about hosts files with well reasoned, factual arguments. You just chose not to listen and made it into some kind of bizarre crusade. And I'm not the timecube guy, just someone else who finds you intensely obnoxious and likes winding you up to waste your time. - []


performance art - []


it's apk, theres no reason to care. - []


Seems more like an apk parody. - []


That's great but what about the risk of subluxations? - []


Oh, come on. Just stand back and look at it. It's almost art, in a Jackson Pollock sort of way. - []


Read carefully. This is a satirical post, that combines the last several years of forum trolling, rolled into one FUNNY rant! - []


I can has summary? - []


I'd have a lot more sympathy if you would log in as APK again instead of AC. - []


If [apk] made an account, it would be permanently posting at -1, and he'd only be able to post with it twice a day. - []


DAFUQ I just look at? - []


Trolls trolling trolls... it's like Inception or something. - []


We all know it's you, apk. Stop pretending to antagonize yourself. - []


Do you know about the shocking connection between APK and arsenic? No? Well, your innocence is about to be destroyed. - []


Send bug reports to 903 east division street, syracuse, ny 13208 - []


Now you've made me all nostalgic for USENET. - []


Google APK Hosts File Manager. He's written a fucking application to manage your hosts file. - []


In case you are not aware, the post is a satire of a fellow known as APK. The grammar used is modeled after APK's as you can see here []. Or, you can just look around a bit and see some of his posts on here about the wonders of host files. - []


You are surely of God of Trolls, whomever you are. I have had stupid arguments with and bitten the troll apk many times. - []


"What kind of meds cure schizophrenic drunk rambling?" -> "Whatever APK isn't taking" - [] []


I'm confused, is apk trolling himself now? - []


Excellent mashup. A++. Would troll again. - []


Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. - []


Best. Troll. Ever. - []


I like monkeys. - []


This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. - []


lul wut? - []


I admire this guy's persistence. - []


It's a big remix of several different crackpots from Slashdot and elsewhere, plus a liberal sprinkling of famous Slashdot trolls and old memes. - []


Tabloid newspapers have speculated for years that APK is a prominent supporter of Monsanto. Too bad we didn't believe them sooner! - []


Here's a hint, check out stories like this one [] , where over 200 of the 247 posts are rated zero or -1 because they are either from two stupid trolls arguing endless, or quite likely one troll arguing with himself for attention. The amount of off-topic posts almost outnumber on topic ones by 4 to 1. Posts like the above are popular for trolling APK, since if you say his name three times, he appears, and will almost endlessly feed trolls. - []


I love this copypasta so much. It never fails to make me smile. - []


^ Champion Mod parent up. - []


I appreciate the time cube reference, and how you tied it into the story. Well done. - []


The day you are silenced is the day freedom dies on Slashdot. God bless. - []


AHahahahah thanks for that, cut-n-pasted.... Ownage! - []


Don't hate the player, hate the game. - []


If you're familiar with APK, the post itself is a pretty damn funny parody.
- []


">implying it's not apk posting it" --> "I'd seriously doubt he's capable of that level of self-deprecation..." - [] []


No, the other posts are linked in a parody of APK's tendency to quote himself, numbnuts. - []


The thirteenth link is broken. Please fix it. - []


Just ban any post with "apk", "host file", or "hosts file", as that would take care of the original apk too. The original has been shitposting Slashdot much longer & more intensively than the parody guy. Or ban all Tor exit nodes, as they both use Tor to circumvent IP bans. - []


Sadly this is closer to on-topic than an actual APK post is. - []


Did you see the movie "Pokemon"? Actually the induced night "dream world" is synonymous with the academic religious induced "HOSTS file" enslavement of DNS. Domains have no inherent value, as it was invented as a counterfeit and fictitious value to represent natural values in name resolution. Unfortunately, human values have declined to fictitious word values. Unknowingly, you are living in a "World Wide Web", as in a fictitious life in a counterfeit Internet - which you could consider APK induced "HOSTS file". Can you distinguish the academic induced root server from the natural OpenDNS? Beware of the change when your brain is free from HOSTS file enslavement - for you could find that the natural Slashdot has been destroyed!!

FROM -> Man - how many times have I dusted you in tech debates that you have decided to troll me by ac posts for MONTHS now, OR IMPERSONATING ME AS YOU DID HERE and you were caught in it by myself & others here, only to fail each time as you have here?)...

So long nummynuts, sorry to have to kick your nuts up into your head verbally speaking.

cower in my shadow some more, feeb. you're completely pathetic.

Disproof of all apk's statements: [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []


* :)

Ac trolls' "BIG FAIL" (quoted): Eat your words!

P.S.=> That's what makes me LAUGH harder than ANYTHING ELSE on this forums (full of "FUD" spreading trolls) - When you hit trolls with facts & truths they CANNOT disprove validly on computing tech based grounds, this is the result - Applying unjustifiable downmods to effetely & vainly *try* to "hide" my posts & facts/truths they extoll!

Hahaha... lol , man: Happens nearly every single time I post such lists (proving how ineffectual these trolls are), only showing how solid my posts of that nature are...

That's the kind of martial arts I practice.

Re:Microsoft and US Gov attempting to ban HOSTS fi (-1, Offtopic)

Jerslan (1088525) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236257)

I don't know whether I should be laughing, or reporting this as spam >.

Re:Microsoft and US Gov attempting to ban HOSTS fi (-1, Flamebait)

tech.kyle (2800087) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236317)

I don't know whether I should be laughing, or reporting this as spam >.

My face when.. []

Re:Microsoft and US Gov attempting to ban HOSTS fi (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236349)

Sure thing, Slashdot user two million eight hundred thousand eight-seven.


Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236289) [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []


Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236329)

Keep it. It's beautiful.

Re:TEST PLEASE IGNORE (-1, Flamebait)

tech.kyle (2800087) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236345)

As you wish []


Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236379)


I like how we file Microsoft articles under Google (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236177)

Eventually we will boil it down to two categories: Linux and other shit.

Re:I like how we file Microsoft articles under Goo (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236971)

Eventually we will boil it down to two categories: Linux and evil shit.


Re:I like how we file Microsoft articles under Goo (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43237983)

In Soviet Russia, Linux boils shit!

All of them? (0)

fustakrakich (1673220) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236259)

For some reason I find that highly doubtful... Patriot Act and all.

How about Intelligence Agncies (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236291)

I didn't see in the article where it lists the requests from Intelligence Agencies. Are they requesting the info under the aegis of Law Enforcement/

Re:How about Intelligence Agncies (1)

Synerg1y (2169962) | about a year and a half ago | (#43237303)

It mentions the NSA & that they're legally obligated not to disclose those.

Re:How about Intelligence Agncies (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43238043)

The reason they cant disclose those is that they were something like:

NSA: Hey Microsoft, can we see that private key you have that signs everything?

Microsoft: But if we gave that away, no one would trust us and they will drop that key (if the os lets them)

NSA: Don't worry, we can make it so no one can legally find out...

holy tied tongue, bat nerds (4, Insightful)

wbr1 (2538558) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236653)

I am glad to see I am not the only one who deos not know what to say about this. We all want to bash MS, but here they actualyy did something pro-consumer/pro-society without a legal mandate to do so. What can be said?
Sorry microsoft, I am still not going to reccomend windows 8 though.

Re:holy tied tongue, bat nerds (2)

Nerdfest (867930) | about a year and a half ago | (#43236753)

If their competition does it, they look pretty bad not doing it. Perhaps they can release a bribery report on those interactions with government next.

Re:holy tied tongue, bat nerds (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43237049)

hahaha. It's funny cuz it's true. And sad. Kinda like Walmart with that whole mexican bribery thing. Haven't heard peep about that in months. Looks like the giant beast gets away with yet more bullshit.

Free Expression? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236685)

From the linked Microsoft release: "... we recognize the important responsibility we have to respect human rights and the principles of free expression..."

On that note, we're also offering you the opportunity to bolster our flagging revenue by subscribing, annually, in order to use the Office: the Infinity Edition.

We're giving up the pretext of innovating. There's really very little we can think of that will improve the Office Suite of Applications at least from a user perspective. Our work here is nearly done except to continue the prospect of securitizing our flagship product. We realize it's a vain hope, dependent on continued corporate good will, especially from our largest customer, government. Remaining relevant has become our supreme goal, especially now that the Clouded Web of Promises has captured majority imagination share and most our customers are head-down in touchy-feelie wireless world of Smot Phones and Phlabulets.

To this end we'd like you all to know just what a burden it is making sure that we help keep you all safe and secure, so we've amassed this report and taken the time to make the aggregated data available in 2 of many file formats offered in the Office: the Infinity Edition. In the event that other formats are popularly requested we will release updates.

Microsoft is please to note that the volume of requests generated by the U.S. government was bested only by that of Turkey, another esteemed ally in the war on terror, and a watchdog in wrestling match between Secular Humanism and Islamic Fundamentalism.

Re:Free Expression? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43237273)


Who cares! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236715)

M$ is evil! It's all bullshit! They *are* law enforcement.

Sceptical (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43236833)

Are they just trying to convince people the are an open book in wake of the recent bribery allegations?

Good start (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43237021)

This is good, next lets see what kind of 'operating costs' money you give to government officials in different countries. It would be nice to get a baseline.

Can somebody please explain... (1)

Synerg1y (2169962) | about a year and a half ago | (#43237327)

I get that the US is up there, France & Germany have a surprising amount of requests, but I'm pretty sure at least France is a firewall country. But Turkey... what? They have 11k legit internet users?

They are right up there w the states at 11k, there is no reference to Turkey anywhere in my knowledge of IT and how it applies to the world, so why would they have so many requests.

Re:Can somebody please explain... (1)

Nixoloco (675549) | about a year and a half ago | (#43237825)

I get that the US is up there, France & Germany have a surprising amount of requests, but I'm pretty sure at least France is a firewall country. But Turkey... what? They have 11k legit internet users?

They are right up there w the states at 11k, there is no reference to Turkey anywhere in my knowledge of IT and how it applies to the world, so why would they have so many requests.

I found that curious as well. It may be related to the fact that Turkey has a lot of "laws [] that limit speech deemed insulting to Turkishness, and expressions of political extremism". They are fairly heavy into Internet censorship [] as well and even blocked all of YouTube for a long time. There are a lot of topics that aren't allowed to report about and they have ongoing legal proceedings [] against lots of online journalists.

Re:Can somebody please explain... (1)

Synerg1y (2169962) | about a year and a half ago | (#43238067)

Never knew Turkey was so heavy on being a police state. I always thought that region was at best a bit lawless. Numbers are numbers though, same # of requests as the states, 1/4 the people. Thanks for the answer, I feel like they've stayed off the radar in the internet censorship debate completely.

Re:Can somebody please explain... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43243419)

You know what, I don't think I have ever seen someone use their own ignorance as a way to try and strengthen an argument like that.

You might be good at IT but that doesn't mean you have any clue what's going on. I find it amusing how people who stereotypically spend all their time in doors glued to a screen think they know so much about the world.

Here's a what a simple google search could have taught you about Turkey in relation to IT:

the TLD is

Internet Usage Statistics:
35,000,000 Internet users as of June/10, 45.0% of the population, according to the ITU.

YEAR Users Population % Pop. Usage Source

2000 2,000,000 70,140,900 2.9 % ITU
2004 5,500,000 73,556,173 7.5 % ITU
2006 10,220,000 74,709,412 13.9 % Comp. Ind. Almanac
2010 35,000,000 77,804,122 45.0 % Comp. Ind. Almanac

in fact, yourself you ignorant keyboard gigalo.

Looks like NSL requests went down in 2012 (1)

steelfood (895457) | about a year and a half ago | (#43237821)

I wonder why. Is it because Microsoft is becoming less relevant (in the online world where NSLs would apply), or because there's a reduction in NSLs overall.

I suspect, considering Google didn't see a similar decline, the former.

Re:Looks like NSL requests went down in 2012 (1)

robp (64931) | about a year and a half ago | (#43251319)

You should know soon enough--although the administration doesn't want the recipients of NSLs getting too specific, the FBI has to cough up a yearly total. It provided a count for 2011 (16,511 NSLs, covering 7,201 people [] ) on April 30 of last year, so if they stick to that timing we should get last year's total in another month or so.

When will telecoms release these numbers? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43237877)

The tech companies and ISPs pale in comparison to the number of requests for Mobile Telecommunication companies. When will AT&T Wireless, Verizon Wireless, Sprint, and T-Mobile release their data?

And once again... (1)

DerekLyons (302214) | about a year and a half ago | (#43238571)

And once again, despite all the noise and hype... the numbers are vanishingly small. Much smaller than you'd expect.

And no, don't come back with "but they should be zero". That's just ignorant and stupid. The 'net is a central part of a lot of people's lives now and if they're under investigation their 'net activity is and should be part of that, just like phone records, credit card records, etc... etc...

mod 0p (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43238863)

a productivity wall: *BSD faces a faster, ch3aper, From one folder on

Microsoft likes Macs (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43244539)

Interesting, pop open the PDF and have a look at Document Properties. Creator: "Adobe InDesign CS6 (Macintosh)". Sort of funny, coming from Microsoft. I imagine they hired some outside company to do the layout, but still.

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