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New Director Chosen At Fermilab

samzenpus posted about a year ago | from the every-planet-has-a-north dept.

Science 52

An anonymous reader writes "It appears that Fermilab has chosen a a new director. They refuse to release the name of the new director, only referring to him as 'The Doctor'. Citing their primary reasons for choosing him: 'It was his extensive experience, as well as his vague yet somehow still impressive educational background, that tipped the scales in the Doctor's favor, members of the committee said. This despite the fact that none of the members could determine with any certainty exactly what the new lab director's doctorate is in. "After facing down Daleks, Cybermen and the Master, I can't think of anyone more qualified to take on a congressional budget committee," outgoing director Pier Oddonesaid said. "I think the Doctor is a perfect choice."'"

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52 comments

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encryption (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332035)

fuck off !
wont be seeing you later.
lame ass shit

Re:encryption (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332107)

fuck off !
wont be seeing you later.
lame ass shits

Re:encryption (0)

ThurstonMoore (605470) | about a year ago | (#43332229)

Fuck u Slashdot and April fools day.

Re:encryption (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332339)

Fuck u Slashdot and April fools day.

Is it too much effort to just not visit slashdot on April 1st. They do this every year. It's not like this is something new they did just to annoy you personally.

Encryption sure is helpful for productivity! (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332051)

Can we turn this encryption on permanently? It's doing wonders for my productivity.

Re:Encryption sure is helpful for productivity! (0)

lcam (848192) | about a year ago | (#43332103)

The thing is, if you unencrypt the message without properly agreeing to the licensing agreement, you can say hello to the Aaron Swartz prosecutor for unauthorized access to "sensitive" information. That is what we all mean by "productivity".

Really good stuff. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332055)

May be we can get samzenpus a job at the Onion. His humor is super sophisticated. Bitcoin spoof Mac spoof next up.

Re:Really good stuff. (2)

SternisheFan (2529412) | about a year ago | (#43332531)

May be we can get samzenpus a job at the Onion. His humor is super sophisticated. Bitcoin spoof Mac spoof next up.

Q: On April Fools Day, does The Onion print real news stories?

Re:Really good stuff. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332875)

May be we can get samzenpus a job at the Onion. His humor is super sophisticated. Bitcoin spoof Mac spoof next up.

The sad thing is, few of these "jokes" (aside from the stupid ROT13 text and inane ask slashdot subs) are even the product of any submitters. They are just pillaging the lame april fools gags from other sites and reposting them here.

Not funny (3, Insightful)

dskoll (99328) | about a year ago | (#43332087)

This has gone on waaaay too long. It's like a tedious Kids In The Hall sketch that just won't die.

Hire someone with a sense of humor to do your next April Fool's gag, m'kay?

Re:Not funny (1)

i kan reed (749298) | about a year ago | (#43332097)

The Kids In The Hall at least managed jokes and funny situations occasionally. At Slashdot, tedium is the new humor.

Re:Not funny (1)

MickyTheIdiot (1032226) | about a year ago | (#43332133)

30 Uryraf nterr

Re:Not funny (1)

Aighearach (97333) | about a year ago | (#43332149)

If they stretch out ones that aren't even funny, imagine what would happen if they hired somebody with a sense of humor! They gag would be up for 3 weeks until they stopped lolsnorting and roflcoptering.

Re:Not funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332223)

Exactly. Dr.Who sucks!

Re:Not funny (1)

Bill_the_Engineer (772575) | about a year ago | (#43332243)

Lopez. Lopez. Lopez. Lopez.

Re:Not funny (1)

Ol Biscuitbarrel (1859702) | about a year ago | (#43332411)

Clever, Jerry, Clever. Clever.

Re:Not funny (1)

Zephyn (415698) | about a year ago | (#43332831)

You lost me...

Look, I'm going to tell you something... and I don't want you to take it personally... but you're not a very good Slashdot commenter, are you?

Re:Not funny (1)

Bill_the_Engineer (772575) | about a year and a half ago | (#43359803)

I think he is referring to the Sizzler Sisters skits from Kids in the Hall.

Kind a lot like drug addicts. (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332285)

This has gone on waaaay too long. It's like a tedious Kids In The Hall sketch that just won't die.

Hire someone with a sense of humor to do your next April Fool's gag, m'kay?

Here you guys are, bitching about this and yet, you keep coming back.

Like the drug addict who gets crap from his dealer and says, "That was shit! Gimme another hit."

Just say'in.

April Fool's gag?? (1)

Tim Ward (514198) | about a year ago | (#43332333)

Eh??? It's 19:28 here (that's around 7:30pm in American, I think).

Plenty of other web sites manage to adjust themselves to the time zone of the reader ... obviously that would be a bit too clever for /.

Re: April Fool's gag?? (1)

sl3xd (111641) | about a year ago | (#43332535)

Are you suggesting that news sites (like the BBC) should display entirely different content until the local time matches?

I can see it now... the BBC reports that the Queen's dog has died at 18:00 UTC, but I can't read the story for another 8 hours, when it's 18:00 local time. I'd hate to cover Asia, and have to write the news before it happens...

It's not even noon local time, and I've been dealing with April Fool's for 18+ hours already, and I have another 11 hours to go. Funny how that happens - I hadn't even eaten dinner with my family on Sunday, and those crazy Aussies start cracking April Fool's jokes.

It's so annoying reading about how North Korea has made their latest threats on the morning of Tuesday April 2nd, when it's barely past noon on April Fool's day...

So yeah... deal with it. In a world of global news, every day lasts almost 48 hours.

If you want dates & times to make sense, stick to the local news.

Re:Not funny (1)

BenSchuarmer (922752) | about a year ago | (#43332489)

It's more like Saturday Night Live than Kids in the Hall. I don't recall many Kids in the Hall sketches that dragged on without a few laughs along the way. SNL on the other hand has had a habit of taking a thin premise and acting like it was funny to stretch it beyond its limits.

Re:Not funny (1)

interkin3tic (1469267) | about a year ago | (#43332505)

Another problem with some Kids In The Hall sketches was that they would try to do two different jokes at the same time, the combination being worse than the individual jokes were.

Same thing here. "Encryption" is annoying enough. The Doctor Who joke is not funny. Both together? I'm actually going to WORK the rest of the day.

Re:Not funny (1)

emag (4640) | about a year ago | (#43332645)

It's like this every year. I really and truly hate the internet on April 1. The saddest part is that so many of my (former) go-to sites seem to think that it's fun to do this for 24+ hours at a stretch, instead of carefully interspersing things throughout the day. After the first hour or two, it really makes me question why I bother reloading the pages, then I remember that I'd have to do work otherwise.

Re:Not funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332757)

This has gone on waaaay too long. It's like a tedious Kids In The Hall sketch that just won't die.

Hire someone with a sense of humor to do your next April Fool's gag, m'kay?

That's not true... there are no tedious KiTH sketches.

Re:Not funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43333585)

encrypt all the comments also.

UIourhbv oon lijioh Q Dpqwm,vj tlplmsgf ppop db.

Great! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332095)

Heh.. And we were complaining about posters that didn't bother to read the linked article.

Now we will not even bother reading the summary!

the guy at radio shack said he was crazy and now i (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332111)

the guy at radio shack said he was crazy and now it's time to buy power back up as this doctors ideas likely will take down the power grid for at least a few hours.

NO !!! Bad Choice (1)

martiniturbide (1203660) | about a year ago | (#43332113)

The Doctor is complete irresponsible and incompetent for this job. He may have the experience but not the will and constancy that this position requires.

Re:NO !!! Bad Choice (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332311)

Ah, sweet constancy

Re:NO !!! Bad Choice (1)

bfandreas (603438) | about a year ago | (#43332415)

Yupp. I wouldn't lett that guy near any Higgs Boson. I mean we may be only living on a type 13 planet and we may be prone to blow ourselves up. But at least let us have the fun ourselves instead of putting an irresponsible Time Lord next to the red button!
Also: I wasn't aware Fermilab was located in Wales. Or is there a particular reason why this was posted in Welsh?

How do they know? (1)

NoNonAlphaCharsHere (2201864) | about a year ago | (#43332121)

Was there white smoke coming out the chimney or something?

Re:How do they know? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332329)

Habemus doctorem!

Obligatory (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332139)

rot13.com [slashdot.org]

Translation of summary:

"It appears that Fermilab has chosen a a new director. The refuse to release the name of the new director, only referring to him as 'The Doctor'. Citing their primary reasons for choosing him: 'It was his extensive experience, as well as his vague yet somehow still impressive educational background, that tipped the scales in the Doctor's favor, members of the committee said. This despite the fact that none of the members could determine with any certainty exactly what the new lab director's doctorate is in. "After facing down Daleks, Cybermen and the Master, I can't think of anyone more qualified to take on a congressional budget committee," outgoing director Pier Oddonesaid said. "I think the Doctor is a perfect choice."'"

Re:Obligatory (1)

shaitand (626655) | about a year ago | (#43332573)

Way to whore for Karma Anonymous Coward!

I thank 7ou forO your time (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332141)

wind0ws, SUN or

Please make it stop! (1)

fredrated (639554) | about a year ago | (#43332155)

Please!

Re:Please make it stop! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332255)

Wow. This makes the old "ruined slashdot" seem like halcyon glory days.

What the fuck guys you are burning through goodwill like Snoop Doggy Dogg locked in a hayloft full of Marijuana with a tiger torch and 100lb of propane.

This has got to be the worst April Fools ever. (1)

coastal984 (847795) | about a year ago | (#43332195)

And I'm not talking about this article. I'm talking about Slashdot as a whole.

All blue and fkpe (1)

Impy the Impiuos Imp (442658) | about a year ago | (#43332203)

Flugl fug gibbel futooni dofkweri colpljsew hanging out like Dr. Manhattan's?

Re:All blue and fkpe (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332277)

I concur, the comments should definitely be encrypted as well!

keep it up til they LAUGH... until they ALL LAUGH! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332225)

This isn't what Slashdot needs, it's what Slashdot DESERVES!

I Am From The Police And (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332233)

..I am here to help you ! Now please present your ID Card, so that we can send our thugs for you, in case you write something "unlicensed" !

FUCK YOU !

Re:I Am From The Police And (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332245)

Oh, its April 1st. Yeah, now knock you ROTZ-13 off.

The art of april fools day jokes (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332241)

Apparently subtlety is being lost on this fine April day.

April fools day jokes have to be plausable. You see it is the stupidity of falling for the joke that makes it funny not so much the joke itself.

For example dslreports renamed their security forum to "Chinese Hackers" and for a few fleeting moments I fell for it.

One rot13 article is funny a whole days worth not so much...y/A-Za-z/N-ZA-Mn-za-m/

Lameness (1)

Fnord666 (889225) | about a year ago | (#43332273)

Honestly with Slashdot being the way it is these days, I wasn't sure if anyone would notice if they started running gag stories today. At least this way we know.

unununununun (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332425)

N pbeehcg fynfuqbg yhfre unf vasvygengrq gur zbqrengvba flfgrz gb qbjazbq nyy zl cbfgf juvyr vzcrefbangvat zr. Arneyl 180 gvzrf gung V xabj bs @ guvf cbvag sbe nyy bs Znepu 2013 fb sne, & bguref urer unir gbyq lbh gb fgbc - gnxr gur uvag, yhangvp (yrnir fynfuqbg)... Fbeel sbyxf - ohg jubrire gur ahgwbo vf gung'f nggrzcgvat gb vzcrefbangr zr, & hcfrg gur erfg bs lbh nf jryy, unf FREVBHF zragny vffhrf, ab dhrfgvbaf nfxrq! V zhfg'ir tbggra gur orggre bs uvz frevbhfyl "tbggra uvf tbng" va qbvat fb va n grpuavpny qrongr & uvf "trrx natfg" @ ybfvat gb zr unf uvz qbvat gur: --- N.) $10,000 punyyratrf, nyn (jurer gur vzcbfgre npghnyyl GENPXRQ YVFGRQ gur # bs gvzrf ur'f qbar guvf ab yrff, & jurer V trg gur 180 be fb gvzrf V abgrq nobir) -> uggc://vg.fynfuqbg.bet/pbzzragf.cy?fvq=3585795&pvq=43285307 &/be O.) Ercbfgvat BYQ cbffvoyl nygrerq zbqryf - (guvf V unira'g purpxrq ba nf gb nygrevat gur irenpvgl bs gur vasb. orvat punatrq) bs cbfgf bs zvar sebz gur cnfg urer --- (Nyorvg znffviryl ercrngrqyl gueh nyy guernqf ba /. guvf Znepu 2013 arneyl va vgf ragvergl guhfsne).

this is a first! (1)

swschrad (312009) | about a year ago | (#43332447)

after searching for unusual sub-quark particles for years, apparently Fermilab has created enough of them to assemble a director that is unknown, strange, and charming, all at the same time. we may suppose this to be the neutron referred to by Dr. Rutherford in his Bakerian Lecture.

And slashdot kills it's page views for the day. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43332907)

Maybe I'll come back tomorrow... or later this week.

Deciphered (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43333079)

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Seriously Slashdot?! A crummy commercial?

RSS (1)

Orcris (2652275) | about a year and a half ago | (#43334545)

I'm reading this in an RSS reader. It's not pleasant needing to go to the site for every new article.

Lov'N'It (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43335139)

When Pres. Obama-Boy is hauled in front of a DC Judge to be arraigned from criminal negligence as his Big Ass Black SUV ran down a 3-yr old in Southeast DC while he in the back was on a cocaine milk run at 3 am the Judge will spurt-fart out "rqhpngvbany onpxtebhaq, gung gvccrq gur fpnyrf va gur Qbpgbe'f snibe, zrzoref bs gur pbzzvggrr fnvq. Guvf qrfcvgr gur snpg gung abar bs gur zrzoref pbhyq qrgrezvar jvgu nal [?]".

What fun we will have with the Obama-Boy.

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