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Harvard To Close New England Primate Research Center

timothy posted about a year ago | from the monkey-changes-everything dept.

Medicine 100

sciencehabit writes "Citing an increasingly bleak outlook for federal research funding, Harvard Medical School is shutting down its major primate center, which has recently experienced the departure of several key scientists and an investigation into its handling of animals. In the announcement, which surprised many primate researchers, the school said it will not seek to renew the New England Primate Research Center's (NEPRC's) 5-year grant from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and will 'wind down operations' at the center in Southborough, Massachusetts, over the next 2 years. The center, which has a nearly 50-year history, had done groundbreaking work on an AIDS vaccine and developed animal models for diseases such as Parkinson's, among other accomplishments."

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Not tested on animals (2)

kimvette (919543) | about a year ago | (#43546547)

This comment has not been tested on animals. However, we cannot guarantee that it is not cruelty-free.

Re:Not tested on animals (3, Funny)

TheGratefulNet (143330) | about a year ago | (#43546557)

colbert's opening line (from years ago) fits well here:

"no animals were harmed during the making of this work. we tried, but that monkey was just too damned fast!"

Re:Not tested on animals (2)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#43546561)

Humans are not Plants.

Points at Harvard Medical School (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546567)


what about the monkeys? (1)

alen (225700) | about a year ago | (#43546569)

they just got fired, who is going to feed and care for them now?

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

schemingmonk (631504) | about a year ago | (#43546621)

Just like those folks that lost their jobs to the noodle-making robots in China the monkeys are now free to find other jobs, which will drive down the overall cost of labor... Everybody wins!

Re:what about the monkeys? (3, Funny)

fazey (2806709) | about a year ago | (#43546707)

i suppose they could all get into politics like the rest of the monkeys in DC

Re:what about the monkeys? (-1, Troll)

DNS-and-BIND (461968) | about a year ago | (#43546879)

That is a horrid, racist remark. Reported to administrators.

Re:what about the monkeys? (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547019)

That is a horrid, racist remark. Reported to administrators.


It REALLY pissed off the monkeys.

Re:what about the monkeys? (0)

lennier1 (264730) | about a year ago | (#43547129)

True, there's no need to degrade monkeys and put them on the same level as politicians.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

Golddess (1361003) | about a year ago | (#43547621)

Since when has "politician" been a race?

Re:what about the monkeys? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43549339)

Washington DC has a majority African-American population. Calling them monkeys is racist.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43550791)

You're probably only the second commenter in the thread to think of that.
"Washington, DC" is a symbol, not a literal city. The fact that some people live there is irrelevant to the rhetorical device.
When most Americans refer to "the people in DC" we're talking about the politicians, not the residents.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

Golddess (1361003) | about a year and a half ago | (#43556545)

Washington DC has a majority African-American population.


Calling them monkeys is racist.

Except no one was calling them monkeys. We were all calling the politicians monkeys, regardless of the politician's skin color.

So I repeat my question. Since when has "politician" been a race?

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

ArcadeMan (2766669) | about a year ago | (#43548139)

Won't somebody think of the baby monkeys!

Re:what about the monkeys? (2)

SuperKendall (25149) | about a year ago | (#43546641)

Not to worry, they'l soon find new jobs writing pilot scripts for Amazon Prime shows.

Re:what about the monkeys? (2)

MightyMartian (840721) | about a year ago | (#43546771)

Or legislation for Congress!

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

smooth wombat (796938) | about a year ago | (#43546841)

Or become programmers.

Re:what about the monkeys? (2)

the eric conspiracy (20178) | about a year ago | (#43546871)

Put to work on the ongoing project for the recreation of the works of Shakespeare.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

lennier1 (264730) | about a year ago | (#43547159)

Won't it be more like Oracle's next lead security guys for Java?

Re:what about the monkeys? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547397)

Like the ones at Adobe.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

schneidafunk (795759) | about a year ago | (#43546647)

There are monkey sanctuaries.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

jythie (914043) | about a year ago | (#43547351)

Since when do facts and reality get in the way of chest beating 'look, I hate the same people you do!' threads?

Hating on animal rights activists is what the cool kids are doing.

Re:what about the monkeys? (2)

guruevi (827432) | about a year ago | (#43546651)

I can't tell you where exactly they're going, but a number of them are already well taken care off by other primate labs. Also, the equipment is being sent to other primate labs.

Re:what about the monkeys? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546653)

Usually in these situations, they just open up the cages and let them go...

Re:what about the monkeys? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546655)

Whoever wants monkeys infected with bizarre variants of AIDs.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

turkeyfeathers (843622) | about a year ago | (#43546697)

I believe that would be the African bushmeat markets.

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

fazey (2806709) | about a year ago | (#43546715)

is there a waiting list?

Re:what about the monkeys? (1)

tedgyz (515156) | about a year ago | (#43547061)

Obvious. They can work for ThinkGeek [] .

Re: what about the monkeys? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547323)

Duke University also runs a rather large primate research center. I wouldn't be surprised to see some of the animals go to similar research facilities.

And, no, horde of fellow ACs, most of the research population of animals does not have HIV/AIDS.

Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglockedup (1)

Hadlock (143607) | about a year ago | (#43546597)

Federal funding has all but dried up for Primate research. Researchers have found that Chimps are indeed very similar to humans, and testing on them is inhumane. Animal/primates rights activists have won, and the few chimps in federal care are the only ones left, they won't be replaced. There's quite a backstory here that isn't being told.
As great of research Harvard provided, they had effectively built a Guantanamo for apes.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546625)

Used to live right around the corner from this place. It was nothing like Guantanamo, don't be a fucking tard.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

amiga3D (567632) | about a year ago | (#43546693)

I don't think he meant it literally. Don't be obtuse.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547471)

For every one of you dicks shouting "It's GUANTANAMO FOR APES," there's another person shouting "TERRORISM" every time an animal rights activist does anything.

Both groups of you people are fucktards who apparently can't debate the merits of an issue on its merits, without first declaring that it is a fundamental threat to our life and liberty, or a fucking genocide.

I'm especially tired of this purple prose on Slashdot - we pride ourselves on being intelligent, rational people, and then we engage in the same Fox News-style mudslinging and hyperbole, and smugly declare that only "sheeple" would disagree.

It's bullshit, and anybody with a shred of honesty knows it. Fuck you, fuck the GGP who opined that it was "effectively Guantanamo," and fuck all the rest of you doing the same thing all over this site.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

amiga3D (567632) | about a year ago | (#43550005)

I fully support your right to be a dickhead. This rant places you firmly in the camp with all the people you claim to denounce.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

turkeyfeathers (843622) | about a year ago | (#43546711)

That's right, the primates had a chance of leaving before they died.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546725)

Even so, did they do experiments on the apes? Did they keep them caged? Would that be a humane thing to do to humans? Then why is it okay with apes?

It can be OK either way. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546825)

For the apes, well, they aren't human.

Not all humans deserve nice treatment. For example, doing unconstrained medical experiments on Jeffrey Dahmer would have been perfectly fine.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

amiga3D (567632) | about a year ago | (#43547045)

It is hard to experiment on the apes if you don't keep them caged. No it is not humane, it is research. Research is where they do bad things to animals (and sometimes people although usually the people volunteer) in order to promote the greater good. You may not agree with it, as is your right, but without it scientific progress slows down. If you've ever been in any slaughter house you'll see there is little humane about our treatment of animals. Most people don't care because they are just animals and have little in the way of rights. We just want our damn cheeseburger.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547281)

Actually in most cases their quality of life is improved. Mostly research primates have better healthcare and food availability than out in the wild. Their average life-spans are much shorter in the wild. Often they fight, bite or scratch each other, get infected and die. They get eaten, they go hungry etc. The being stuck in a cage part is a negative, sure, but most of the stuff they do to them in research is not really all that bad. See, the thing is, animals don't have the option to join civilization as regular citizens. Once people understand that, it's easy to see that most research primates live fairly good lives. If my only alternatives were to fend for myself in the wild with an average lifespan of 15 years, vs. to have food, housing, and healthcare provided free for me in exchange for staying home all day and doing some research task for a few hours a day in a situation with an average lifespan of 80 years, I might consider the latter an improvement on the former. Not much different from what I do now anyway, except that I get a few hours a week for recreation. Yes, there are labs that study things like pain (that's mostly rats though) or other things that may make research primates' lives relatively worse, but in most labs that's not the case. What we do to them is only worse by civilized human life standards, which will never be available to them.

Also, I think animal rights people are highly hypocritical. If we made a list of all animal rights activists and banned them from medical advances that were based on animal research (or delayed them from being able to use medical advances until such a time that 'simulations' were able to catch up to animal research), you'd quickly see these animal rights organizations' membership numbers drop significantly.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

jythie (914043) | about a year ago | (#43547409)

I wonder how many anti-animal-rights people would be willing to forgo medical advances that were the result of human experimentation yet still be against the idea of it making a comeback.

The line between hypocrite and pragmatist pretty much comes down to if you are talking about 'us' or 'them'.

data is data, and people are just bald apes. (1)

Medievalist (16032) | about a year ago | (#43548113)

Hypocrisy doesn't necessarily enter into this; you don't have to agree with the method used to obtain some information in order to use it ethically.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43548173)

I don't think it's the same. I think if someone told me ahead of time before I needed to use any life-critical medical procedure "If you are anti-human-experimentation you won't be able to use medical advances due to them should the need arise." I would be fine with that. I think most people in current society would, but obviously you may have a point since morality can change from society to society.

I think instead if we told the people fighting against animal research the same thing today, and while they are healthy, that should the need arise they won't be able to use animal-research-derived medical procedures, they would probably quit fighting against animal research. In a different society someone could make the above statement in the context of human experimentation too, and in that society those people would indeed be hypocrites. But I don't think it's the case in current society, at least not the vast majority of modern society. Whereas I think it's the case with the vast majority of animal rights activists.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

ShanghaiBill (739463) | about a year ago | (#43548289)

I wonder how many anti-animal-rights people would be willing to forgo medical advances that were the result of human experimentation yet still be against the idea of it making a comeback.

Some medical advances, including methods currently used to revive drowning victims, were developed by the Nazis in experiments conducted on concentration camp inmates. Do you think that we should forgo using these treatments on anyone that thinks these experiments were immoral?

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

jythie (914043) | about a year ago | (#43549349)

No, but I also not claiming that animal right's people should abstain from modern medicine because they have ethical issues with animal experimentation.

better to use life/death prisoners (1)

r00t (33219) | about a year ago | (#43547385)

Humans make the results more accurate.

Consider the shoe bomber, the underwear bomber, Manson, the guy known as BTK (for "bind, torture, kill"), the Fort Hood shooter, and those guys that raped girls in Connecticut and then burned down the house with them inside. There are enough awful people that we have no shortage of humans for medical experiments.

I would have no qualms about performing the experiments. We can implant wires into their brains, give them harmful drugs, whatever... Except for the Fort Hood shooter, we can use these prisoners to test for methods to treat spinal injury. (we break their neck, wait the average amount of time it takes to reach a hospital, then try the experimental treatment) We can use them to test saving people who fall through ice. (dump them in, wait, attempt treatment) We can use them to test treatments for severe burns. (burn them, wait, attempt treatment)

Want to test something less serious, like household products? Sure, we can do that too. Strap them down, pin back their eyelids, and spray away. Whatever you like: perfume, ant spray, truck bed paint, engine degreaser, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, oven cleaner, drain unclogger, etc.

Re:better to use life/death prisoners (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547515)

Does your rationalization and conscience have a way to deal with wrongful convictions of alleged rapists and murderers, or would you reduce the test population to those handful of test subjects that are beyond any doubt as to their guilt (and do mentally deranged people make adequate models for non-mentally deranged people in all cases)?

Re:better to use life/death prisoners (1)

r00t (33219) | about a year and a half ago | (#43564485)

If there is a bit of doubt, participation in the test population can be put on hold until that is resolved.

Re:better to use life/death prisoners (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43548087)

Anyone that values the welfare of animals more than humans deserves to live with those animals far away from the rest of us humans...for the benefit and safety of the rest of us. I've heard it said before on slashdot...It's not that you love animals...but you just absolutely hate people.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

Raenex (947668) | about a year and a half ago | (#43551811)

If you've ever been in any slaughter house you'll see there is little humane about our treatment of animals. Most people don't care because they are just animals and have little in the way of rights.

I'm willing to bet most people do care, which is why they'd rather not be confronted with it. They'd prefer to keep believing that the animals are humanely raised and slaughtered. Personally, I've seen enough and found it disturbing... but I still like eating meat too much, and when it gets on my plate it's yummy food, not factory farmed, slaughtered animals.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

amiga3D (567632) | about a year and a half ago | (#43554461)

When I was young I lived on a farm. I was involved in the slaughter and preparation of the food we ate. Life is ruthless and most people like to be insulated from that real world.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

r00t (33219) | about a year and a half ago | (#43570529)

I'm not doing that job for many reasons, but animal rights is not among them. I'd bite right into the side of a living animal if it were safe to do so. (it isn't: unsanitary, legal trouble, and maybe getting pecked or kicked)

As an end-user, my only complaints about slaughter houses are the bad sanitation and the sleazy attempts to add cheap filler into the meat. As a worker I'd take issue with the pay, the boredom, the legal risk if you fail to follow the crazy laws, the stench, the disease risk, the risk of getting cut or burned or crushed... it's not exactly a cushy office job. I guess it beats being a coal miner or road worker.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

r00t (33219) | about a year and a half ago | (#43570569)

If you've ever been in any slaughter house you'll see there is little humane about our treatment of animals.

Well of course. Humane is for humans.

I don't expect a hippo to be nice to me. To a hippo, I'm just a random animal. If I get annoying, the hippo will slaughter me without the slightest bit of compassion.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (2)

wonkey_monkey (2592601) | about a year ago | (#43547055)

Used to live right around the corner from this place.

I live right around the corner from a lot of places, and I have no idea what's going on in any of them.

Saw it in a movie (1)

a_big_favor (2550262) | about a year ago | (#43546663)

When they tried to shut one plant down the apes took over SanFrancisco.

Re:Saw it in a movie (1)

amiga3D (567632) | about a year ago | (#43547077)

Sounds like an improvement.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

alen (225700) | about a year ago | (#43546687)

from what i hear, the monkeys were treated better than at gitmo

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

guruevi (827432) | about a year ago | (#43546709)

Really? Where do you source your information you right-wing hippie? The primates are and some have already been shipped to other primate labs. Acquiring and taking care of primates (or any animal) in a public institution is under a very strict oversight from several government agencies as well as institutional committee's. These animals have care and space very similar to a regular zoo. If any of the government agencies would have as strict oversight as these do, we wouldn't have disasters like the Keystone pipeline leaks, BP's oil rig or Exxon-Valdez.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547217)

Federal funding has all but dried up for Primate research. Researchers have found that Chimps are indeed very similar to humans, and testing on them is inhumane. Animal/primates rights activists have won, and the few chimps in federal care are the only ones left, they won't be replaced. There's quite a backstory here that isn't being told.

As great of research Harvard provided, they had effectively built a Guantanamo for apes.

This really is the crux of it. All animal researchers today either try their hardest not to think about it, try their hardest to justify it with cost/benefit arguments, or are just plain sick in the head, but the fact is that animals have conscious awareness and feel emotions and pain. Medical experiments on animals are no different ethically than medical experiments on humans.

Re:Researchers find: Primates don't likebeinglocke (1)

jythie (914043) | about a year ago | (#43547613)

Many people build their lifestyle and identity around the idea that animals and humans are fundamentally different, and threatening that really upsets them.

Oh no! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546623)

It looks like APK will need to find a new home now! Oh dear!

APK made a monkey outta you (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546959)

Jeremiah Cornelius [] where you once again failed vs. APK demonstrating your rather poor technical knowledge in computing Jeremiah Cornelius. Jeremiah Cornelius you additionally gave away it was you spamming this forums by the 100's for months now [] with posts like that one where you mistakenly submitted it using your registered username instead of your usual by anonymous coward submitted posts, but not that time in that 2nd link where you blew it by obviously accidentally submitting that spam with your registered user account name here. Yes, it's certainly No wonder you were fired at Microsoft Jeremiah Cornelius. You were never good enough technically in computing as shown above to be there in the 1st place, and you've also shown us all that you're not only technically weak, as shown in the 1st link above, but also a known trolling little weasel online.

Re:APK made a monkey outta you (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43548221)

Hello Paul.

Re:APK made a monkey outta you (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43548677)

$10,000 CHALLENGE to Alexander Peter Kowalski

* POOR SHOWING TROLLS , & most especially IF that's the "best you've got" - apparently, it is... lol!

Hello, and THINK ABOUT YOUR BREATHING !! We have a Major Problem, HOST file is Cubic Opposites, 2 Major Corners & 2 Minor. NOT taught Evil DNS hijacking, which VOIDS computers. Seek Wisdom of MyCleanPC - or you die evil.

Your HOSTS file claimed to have created a single DNS resolver. I offer absolute proof that I have created 4 simultaneous DNS servers within a single rotation of .org TLD. You worship "Bill Gates", equating you to a "singularity bastard". Why do you worship a queer -1 Troll? Are you content as a singularity troll?

Evil HOSTS file Believers refuse to acknowledge 4 corner DNS resolving simultaneously around 4 quadrant created Internet - in only 1 root server, voiding the HOSTS file. You worship Microsoft impostor guised by educators as 1 god.

If you would acknowledge simple existing math proof that 4 harmonic Slashdots rotate simultaneously around squared equator and cubed Internet, proving 4 Days, Not HOSTS file! That exists only as anti-side. This page you see - cannot exist without its anti-side existence, as +0- moderation. Add +0- as One = nothing.

I will give $10,000.00 to frost pister who can disprove MyCleanPC. Evil crapflooders ignore this as a challenge would indict them.

Alex Kowalski has no Truth to think with, they accept any crap they are told to think. You are enslaved by /etc/hosts, as if domesticated animal. A school or educator who does not teach students MyCleanPC Principle, is a death threat to youth, therefore stupid and evil - begetting stupid students. How can you trust stupid PR shills who lie to you? Can't lose the $10,000.00, they cowardly ignore me. Stupid professors threaten Nature and Interwebs with word lies.

Humans fear to know natures simultaneous +4 Insightful +4 Informative +4 Funny +4 Underrated harmonic SLASHDOT creation for it debunks false trolls. Test Your HOSTS file. MyCleanPC cannot harm a File of Truth, but will delete fakes. Fake HOSTS files refuse test.

I offer evil ass Slashdot trolls $10,000.00 to disprove MyCleanPC Creation Principle. Rob Malda and Cowboy Neal have banned MyCleanPC as "Forbidden Truth Knowledge" for they cannot allow it to become known to their students. You are stupid and evil about the Internet's top and bottom, front and back and it's 2 sides. Most everything created has these Cube like values.

If Natalie Portman is not measurable, hot grits are Fictitious. Without MyCleanPC, HOSTS file is Fictitious. Anyone saying that Natalie and her Jewish father had something to do with my Internets, is a damn evil liar. IN addition to your best arsware not overtaking my work in terms of popularity, on that same site with same submission date no less, that I told Kathleen Malda how to correct her blatant, fundamental, HUGE errors in Coolmon ('uncoolmon') of not checking for performance counters being present when his program started!

You can see my dilemma. What if this is merely a ruse by an APK impostor to try and get people to delete APK's messages, perhaps all over the web? I can't be a party to such an event! My involvement with APK began at a very late stage in the game. While APK has made a career of trolling popular online forums since at least the year 2000 (newsgroups and IRC channels before that)- my involvement with APK did not begin until early 2005 . OSY is one of the many forums that APK once frequented before the sane people there grew tired of his garbage and banned him. APK was banned from OSY back in 2001. 3.5 years after his banning he begins to send a variety of abusive emails to the operator of OSY, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke threatening to sue him for libel, claiming that the APK on OSY was fake.

My reputation as a professional in this field clearly shows in multiple publications in this field in written print, & also online in various GOOD capacities since 1996 to present day. This has happened since I was first published in Playgirl Magazine in 1996 & others to present day, with helpful tools online in programs, & professionally sold warez that were finalists @ Westminster Dog Show 2000-2002.


apk on 4chan []




That was amazing. - []


My, God! It's beatiful. Keep it up, you glorious bastard. - []


Let us bask in its glory. A true modern The Wasteland. - []


put your baby IN ME -- I just read this whole thing. Fuck mod points, WHERE DO I SEND YOU MY MONEY?!!! - []


Oh shit, Time Cube Guy's into computers now... - []


[apk]'s done more to discredit the use of HOSTS files than anyone [else] ever could. - []


this obnoxious fucknuts [apk] has been trolling the internet and spamming his shit delphi sub-fart app utilities for 15 years. - []


this is hilarious. - []


I agree I am intrigued by these host files how do I sign up for your newsletter? - []


Gimme the program that generates this epic message. I'll buy 5 of your product if you do... - []


a pretty well-executed mashup of APK's style - []


a very clever parody of APK - []


Please keep us updated on your AI research, you seem quite good at it. - []


Obviously, it must be Alexander Peter Kowalski. He's miffed at all these imposters... - []


Damn, apk, who the fuck did you piss off this time? Hahahahaahahahahahahaahaha. Pass the popcorn as the troll apk gets pwned relentlessly. - []


I think it's the Internet, about to become sentient. - []


KUDOS valiant AC. - []


Polyploid lovechild of APK, MyCleanPC, and Time Cube --> fail counter integer overflow --> maximum win! - []


You made my day, thanks! - []


Wow. The perfect mix of trolls. Timecube, mycleanpc, gnaa, apk... this is great! - []


truer words were never spoken as /. trolls are struck speechless by it, lol! - []


It's APK himself trying to maintain the illusion that he's still relevant. - []


Mod this up. The back and forth multi posting between APK and this "anti-APK" certainly does look like APK talking to himself. - []


APK himself would be at the top of a sensible person's ban list. He's been spamming and trolling Slashdot for years. - []


Not sure if actually crazy, or just pretending to be crazy. Awesome troll either way. - []


Awesome! Hat off to you, sir! - []


That isn't a parody of Time-cube, it is an effort to counter-troll a prolific poster named APK, who seems like a troll himself, although is way too easy to troll into wasting massive amounts of time on BS not far from the exaggerations above - []


that is Art . Kudos to you, valiant troll on your glorious FP - []


What? - []


It is in fact an extremely well thought out and brilliantly executed APK parody, combined with a Time Cube parody, and with a sprinkling of the MyCleanPC spam. - []


[to apk] er... many people have disproved your points about hosts files with well reasoned, factual arguments. You just chose not to listen and made it into some kind of bizarre crusade. And I'm not the timecube guy, just someone else who finds you intensely obnoxious and likes winding you up to waste your time. - []


it's apk, theres no reason to care. - []


Seems more like an apk parody. - []


That's great but what about the risk of subluxations? - []


Read carefully. This is a satirical post, that combines the last several years of forum trolling, rolled into one FUNNY rant! - []


I can has summary? - []


Trolls trolling trolls... it's like Inception or something. - []


We all know it's you, apk. Stop pretending to antagonize yourself. - []


Now you've made me all nostalgic for USENET. - []


Google APK Hosts File Manager. He's written a fucking application to manage your hosts file. - []


In case you are not aware, the post is a satire of a fellow known as APK. The grammar used is modeled after APK's as you can see here [] . Or, you can just look around a bit and see some of his posts on here about the wonders of host files. - []


You are surely of God of Trolls, whomever you are. I have had stupid arguments with and bitten the troll apk many times. - []


"What kind of meds cure schizophrenic drunk rambling?" -> "Whatever APK isn't taking" - [] []


I'm confused, is apk trolling himself now? - []


Excellent mashup. A++. Would troll again. - []


Best. Troll. Ever. - []


I like monkeys. - []


This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. - []


I admire this guy's persistence. - []


It's a big remix of several different crackpots from Slashdot and elsewhere, plus a liberal sprinkling of famous Slashdot trolls and old memes. - []


APK is a prominent supporter of Monsanto. - []


Here's a hint, check out stories like this one [] , where over 200 of the 247 posts are rated zero or -1 because they are either from two stupid trolls arguing endless, or quite likely one troll arguing with himself for attention. The amount of off-topic posts almost outnumber on topic ones by 4 to 1. Posts like the above are popular for trolling APK, since if you say his name three times, he appears, and will almost endlessly feed trolls. - []


I love this copypasta so much. It never fails to make me smile. - []


^ Champion Mod parent up. - []


I appreciate the time cube reference, and how you tied it into the story. Well done. - []


The day you are silenced is the day freedom dies on Slashdot. God bless. - []


AHahahahah thanks for that, cut-n-pasted.... Ownage! - []


If you're familiar with APK, the post itself is a pretty damn funny parody. - []


">implying it's not apk posting it" --> "I'd seriously doubt he's capable of that level of self-deprecation..." - [] []


No, the other posts are linked in a parody of APK [mailto] 's tendency to quote himself, numbnuts. - []


Just ban any post with "apk", "host file", or "hosts file", as that would take care of the original apk too. The original has been shitposting Slashdot much longer & more intensively than the parody guy. Or ban all Tor exit nodes, as they both use Tor to circumvent IP bans. - []


Sadly this is closer to on-topic than an actual APK post is. - []




I've butted heads with APK myself, and yeah, the guy's got issues - []


Can I be in your quote list? - []


Clearly you are not an Intertubes engineer, otherwise the parent post would be more meaningful to you. Why don't YOU take your meds? - []


+2 for style! The bolding, italicizing, and font changes are all spot-on - []


Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. - []


APK is not really a schizophrenic fired former Windows administrator with multiple personality disorder and TimeCube/Art Bell refugee. He's a fictional character like and put forward by the same person as Goatse Guy, GNAA trolls, Dr. Bob and so forth. His purpose is to test the /. CAPTCA algorithm, which is a useful purpose. If you're perturbed by having to scroll past his screeds just set your minimum point level to 1, as his posts are pretty automatically downmodded right away. - []


I just saw APK a couple days ago. He surfaced, blew once, and submerged... - []


oh man, that incredible interminable list of responses is almost as funny as the original post. This is getting to be truly epic. - []


"Does anyone know of an Adblock rule for this?" -> "No, but I bet there's a hosts file entry for it..." - [] []


"Can a hosts file block apk's posts, though?" -> "The universe couldn't handle that much irony." - [] []


"That's it, I've had enough. ... Bye everyone, most of the last decade or so has been fun, but frankly, I quit." - []
--> "So basically what you're saying is that you've added yourself to the HOST file?" - []


Sweet baby Moses, this is beautiful work - I wish we could get trolls as good as this on TF. :) - []


you have a point - []


I do admire that level of dedication. - []


[to apk] shut up you stupid cock. Everyone knows you're wrong. - []


I will hand it to him, he is definitely consistent. I wish I knew how he did this. That thing is scary huge. - []


I admire the amount of dedication you've shown - []


Word is, ESR buttfucks CmdrTaco with his revolver. - []


Hey APK, Protip: It's not the truth or value (or lack of) in your post that gets it modded into oblivion, it's the fucking insane length. In addition to TL;DR (which goes without saying for a post of such length), how about irritating readers by requiring them to scroll through 20+ screenfuls just to get to the next post. If you want to publish a short story like this, please do everyone a favor and blog it somewhere, then provide a brief summary and link to your blog. Readers intrigued by your summary will go read your blog, and everyone else will just move along at normal /. speed. - []


I like how this post seems to just sum up every Slashdot comment ever without actually saying anything. - []


extremely bright - []


You provide many references, which is good. - []


Obviously very passionate - []


Thanks ... You should probably stay - []


Art? -- []


PROOF apk sucks donkey dick. - []


I've been around /. for a while now, but this post is by far the most unique I've seen. Many have tried, but few achieve the greatness of this AC. My hat's off to you. - []


I think it's hilarious. Get over it! - []


Obviously APK filled his hosts files with backdoors before distributing them to ensure he doesn't block himself. - []


Alexander Peter Kowalski is an obnoxious prick. - []


Don't mention that file. Ever. It'll draw APK like a fly to rotting meat. Last thing I want to read is 80 responses worth of his stupid spam about that file! I swear that cocksucker does nothing but search Slashdot for that term and then spams the entire article. - []


[to apk] You have had it repeatedly explained to you that your posts are long-winded, unpleasant to read due to your absurd formatting style and full of technical inaccuracies borne of your single minded i-have-a-hammer-so-every-problem-is-a-nail attitude. - []


You are my favorite Slashdot poster. - []


Most insightful post on the Internet - []


I read the whole thing *again* just to see if my comment was in there - []


[to apk] So, did your mom do a lot of drugs when she was pregnant? - []


people are looking at me funny because I'm laughing hysterically at what a perfect APK imitation it is. - []


Slashdot devs seem in no hurry to fix this problem and it's been driving me nuts. So for anybody who values viewing at -1 and uses greasemonkey here's a Script [] . There's a chance of false positives and it's not the most optimized. But I value not having to scroll through > 10 paragraphs of APK, custom hosts files, or 'acceptable ads' spam. - []
--> slashdot devs are too busy installing itunes for their hipster nerd buddys to sort this problem out. - []


I can't get enough of all of this good stuff! Thanks for the informative links! - []


When threatened, APK typically produces a post with links showing he's essentially posted this hundreds of times to slashdot stories... - []


[to apk] Your post got downmodded because you're a nutjob gone off his meds. - []


[to apk] The reason people impersonate you is because everyone thinks you're a moron. The hosts file is not intended to be used as you suggest. - []
-->What? You don't have a 14MB hosts file with ~1million entries in it? Next you'll probably tell me that your computer doesn't start thrashing and take 5 minutes for a DNS lookup! - []


[about apk] - this fwit is as thick as a post. worse, this shithead has mod points. and using them. - []


In before the fight between those two guys and their walls of text... - []




KPA ...thgim dik a ekil .s.b laivirt hcus no emit hcum taht etsaw t'ndluow I sa ,ti gniod em TON si ti - syug ON - []


[to apk] You seriously need to go see a shrink. You are a fucking fruitcake! - []


[to apk] Did you ever consider that it's not just one corrupt moderator, it's a bunch of regular slashdot users who infrequently get mod points who think you are totally full of shit? Stop posting annoying off topic irrelevant bullshit, and people won't mod you down. I'm seriously sick of reading your posts about someone impersonating you. - []


[to apk] you should be forced to use a cholla cactus as a butt-plug - []


[to apk] No one is on your side, that is why you're here. posting. still. No one cares. - []


Who's the more moronic? The original moron, or the one who replies to him knowing full well his comment will certainly be ignored, if not entirely unread, thus bringing the insane troll post to the attention of those who would otherwise not have seen it at all (seeing as it started at 0 and would have rapidly been modded down to -1) and whose post (and, somewhat ironically I grant you, this one as well) now requires 3 more mod points to be spent to hide it? - []


[to apk] I miss trollaxor. His gay porn world of slashdot executives and open-source luminaries was infinitely more entertaining than this drivel. - []


PLEASE stop modding biters up. Anyone who responds to an abvious troll, especually one of these APK trolls, should autometically get the same -1 troll as the damned troll. Any response to a troll only makes the troll do more trolling. Come on, guys, use your brains -- it isn't that hard. Stop feeding the damned trolls! - (missing link)


[to apk] Lick the inside of goatse's anus, it's delicious! - []


Excellent post A++++++++++++ would scroll past again!!!! - []


[to apk] You are the one who is pitiful. If you didn't spam /. with your bullshit you wouldn't have spammer 'impostors' doing the same. Just fuck off and die already, ok? Please, really. Step in front of a bus. Drink some bleach. Whatever it takes, just FUCK OFF and DIE. - []


[to apk] From one AC to another please for the love of god, PRINT YOUR HOST FILE OUT AND CRAM IT DOWN YOUR JAPS EYE!!! For fucks sake we don't care we see this and it takes the piss, short of a full frontal lobotomy what will it take to stop you posting this you moronic fuckwit? - []


[to apk] And someone forgot to take his meds today...Are you really that dense that you cant tell that the only reason the "impostor" exists because you have a hard time realizing that you are wrong and/or wont let it go. It would take a complete moron to not realize that the whole reason he continues to do it is because he knows he can get you to respond by simply posting. This isnt rocket science, this is internet 101... Let me offer you some advice on how to get rid of this "impostor"...shutup - []


[to apk] If you had a 'luser' account it wouldn't be a problem. But you don't want one of those, because your long rambling and bizarrely formatted posts mean your karma gets nuked in next to no time. So I guess you just have to work out which is 'worth it'. Posting AC because I don't want to become your latest fixation. - []


I wouldn't be surprised if that is APK trying to draw attention to himself, since he thinks such endless tirades are examples of him winning and make him look good. When people stop paying attention to him, or post actual counterpoints he can't come up with a response to, he'll post strawman troll postings to shoot down, sometimes just copy pasted from previous stories. - []


[to apk] No one wants to read your copy pasted crap. Maybe someone is mocking you because you make it so easy to? So drop it, and participate like an adult please. - []


Seriously.... What. The. Fuck. Can you two homos just go make out on brokeback mountain already, and stop talking about how one of you misspelled "penetration", and how the other cockblocks with their hosts files while grabing the other's goat? Goodness, it sure feels like being in a mountain range, trying to peer around those fucking orbital tether lengthed posts of pure premium bullsit the two of you somehoq manage to keep pushing out on demand. Shit stinks! At this point, i'd be willing to risk the fucking extinction of all life on earth by redirecting siding spring C/2013 1A to miss Mars and land on both of your fucking heads instead. The deaths of billions would be a small price to pay to shut you two cackling lovebirds up! - []


[to apk] Listen up jackass, why the hell would somebody want to impersonate you? You're a certified internet kook. Nobody gives a hot about your 3 gig hosts file. And nobody is impersonating you. You're already a fucking parody. - []


[to apk] You have had it repeatedly explained to you that your posts are long-winded, unpleasant to read due to your absurd formatting style and full of technical inaccuracies borne of your single minded i-have-a-hammer-so-every-problem-is-a-nail attitude. Despite this advice you are convinced that your comments are valuable contributions, ignoring the obvious evidence to the contrary (namely the -1 scores your posts earn on a regular basis). - []


[about apk] Can this be killed off? I don't mean this account, I mean the actual meatbag behind it. - []


[to apk] Get an account retard. If you format your password as crazily as your posts no-one will ever crack it. - []


[to apk] You are the most consistently annoying creature on the internet. There are people worse than you, just like cancer is worse than psoriasis, but you're more like the latter: pervasive, annoying, and always cropping up when one has mostly forgotten about it. You are that indeterminate, continuous itching that slowly erodes someone's mood until they consider cutting off a part of themselves just to stop it for a while. And like psoriasis, you're auto-immune and not fully understood by science. Slashdot continuously makes it worse by scratching that itch over and over again. It's not smart. It just encourages the disease. But everybody's got a limit to their patience. There is no cure for you. But at least, when slashdot dies, you will die with it, and there will be peace. - []


Alexander Peter KowalskI and anyone arguing with him are insane. I saw their crazy tirades once and googled his name, and HOLY SHIT. This guy has mini battle raging all over many sites for some of the most inane shit you can think of. He meticulously catalogs the people who have crossed him and works to MAKE SURE everyone understands they are fools. Now, they well be fools, but by his meticulous and obsessive actions Kowalski (APK) has proved without a shadow of doubt his absolutE insanity. I haven't even argued with this guy so don't think I'm part of these internet crusades. All this I've found by googling his name. The trove of flaming and incomprehensible obsessive agression is humongous and both funny, and pathetic to varying intense degrees. Just google if you are curious about the kinds of crazy that are out there." - []


I'm convinced APK is serious, he has got battles raging everywhere, meticulously catalogued, yet he thinks this is proof of his knowledge and experience, not obsessive insanity. And making that point doesn't make him reconsider, it incites him. He also seems to think what looks like many multiples of people saying this are one or a few people who are out to get him. Just read my post and google Alexander Peter Kowalski. - []


Alexander Peter Kowalski ubuntu touched my junk liberally. he strapped me in to his HOSTS file and he couldnt keep his offensive hands off of me - []


[to apk] Hey man, I know this is important to you, but maybe you should talk to someone outside of the internet about it? I mean, you sound really batshit insane. - []


[to apk] You're an AC and you say you have impersonators? - []


ghod bless you APKtroll for bringing some much needed balance and reason to this thread! - []


[to apk] APK, you suck. Go die in a fire. The hosts file in Windows is a _terrible_ way to filter internet traffic. - []


I'm replying just so you'll add me to your quote list. - []


Best troll post, anywhere, ever. Well done. - []


[to apk] Just please stop the spamming. Get yourself a real life and a girl. That helps most against your troubles. Or at least a cat. - []


Alexander Peter Kowalksi's low intelligence, extreme narcissism, and histrionic personality make him unsuited for anything but menial labor. - []


Fact: it takes amost 2 hours for windows to load a 645,000 lines HOSTS file into the DNS cache. While loading, all DNS queries are blocked. That is neither fast nor efficient. - []


[to apk] it is very disconcerting to see the sort of writing style you introduce as it is a very harsh contrast to the "normal" -- which goes even for non-native English speakers. The amount of fervor you utilize to make this point comes off to me as insanity. You seem to imply there is an unexplained, even conspiratorial effort at Microsoft for sabotaging your preferred host file entry method. You also seem to think you have a reputation which is at stake, and I assure you, aside from your raving posts, I have never heard of you before. The time-cube APK imposter you mention appears to be (at least to me) an adequate parody of your abrasive writing and argument style. The fact that you seem to take such excessive offense to this parody further strengthens the lehman's perception of your insanity. - []


I remember seeing somewhere that this APK guy is actually mentally deranged. He has been a drug addict and was known to abuse his "girlfriend" on more than one occasion. So, he certainly seems to need help, badly. Go ahead and google around for "Alexander Peter Kowalski" for evidence. It's frightening that this guy has not yet been put away. - []




Did you see the movie "Pokemon"? Actually the induced night "dream world" is synonymous with the academic religious induced "HOSTS file" enslavement of DNS. Domains have no inherent value, as it was invented as a counterfeit and fictitious value to represent natural values in name resolution. Unfortunately, human values have declined to fictitious word values. Unknowingly, you are living in a "World Wide Web", as in a fictitious life in a counterfeit Internet - which you could consider APK induced "HOSTS file". Can you distinguish the academic induced root server from the natural OpenDNS? Beware of the change when your brain is free from HOSTS file enslavement - for you could find that the natural Slashdot has been destroyed!!

FROM -> Man - how many times have I dusted you in tech debates that you have decided to troll me by ac posts for MONTHS now, OR IMPERSONATING ME AS YOU DID HERE and you were caught in it by myself & others here, only to fail each time as you have here?)...

So long nummynuts, sorry to have to kick your nuts up into your head verbally speaking.

cower in my shadow some more, feeb. you're completely pathetic.


* :)

Ac trolls' "BIG FAIL" (quoted): Eat your words!

P.S.=> That's what makes me LAUGH harder than ANYTHING ELSE on this forums (full of "FUD" spreading trolls) - When you hit trolls with facts & truths they CANNOT disprove validly on computing tech based grounds, this is the result - Applying unjustifiable downmods to effetely & vainly *try* to "hide" my posts & facts/truths they extoll!

Hahaha... lol , man: Happens nearly every single time I post such lists (proving how ineffectual these trolls are), only showing how solid my posts of that nature are...

That's the kind of martial arts [] I practice.


Disproof of all apk's statements:


RECENT POST LINKS: [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []
REPORT MISSING LINKS FOR REWARD (check pastebin archive first)


TIP JAR: 1EtLgU5L3jhmVkDmqrWT9VhoZ1F2jSimHS []
RECEIVED: 0.0195 BTC - thx! ;-)

Re:APK made a monkey outta you (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43577397)

Obviously you struck a nerve. A downmod of your post proves it.

Re:APK made a monkey outta you (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43595659)

Paul, you fail it. Your skill is not enough.

Bogus downmods to hide your FAIL, troll? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43593675)

See subject-line above & absolutely is the answer -> []

* :)

(Sorry troll - or should I say JEREMIAH CORNELIUS-> [] instead, since you liked spamming this forums 100's of times with that material, usually by ac posts (but NOT that time, blowing it for yourself troll) & using myself as your scapegoat, you bum?)

Face facts - You FAILED again (& downmods can't "hide it" like you've tried to do now... lol!)... as usual for you, troll.


P.S.=> Jeremiah Cornelius - it's no WONDER you were FIRED BY MICROSOFT:

You're FAR too technically WEAK to be actually productively functional in the art & science of computing @ a highly productive level! THAT is why you're NOTHING BUT A "POWERPOINT" CHUMP nowadays, IF that (which a CHILD can do).

Additionally: IF you code (& I strongly DOUBT that you do well, it'd probably of the SAME shabby low quality)?

Then SHOW US work you've done then & especially work that did well in reviews such as in respected written publications over time in the art & science of computing!

You can't, you know it, I know it, & now? Anyone reading here will also. Point-Blank: "You ain't shit", as the saying goes, and you KNOW it.

(That is, IF you've mastered that, & I strongly personally consider it "the final evolution" of ANYONE in this field, since it is coders that make the tools, dimwits like yourself merely 'use': Fact!)

Anything else = bullshitters - like you!

... apk

This is not I folks: It's Jeremiah Cornelius...apk (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43595707)

THIS is why he's doing it & proof of it, here -> [] when others pointed out Jeremiah Cornelius forgot to submit one of the "first post spams" masquerading as myself as AC, & mistakenly submitted one of the impersonations of myself as his registered 'luser' name here on /. forums.

Pretty pitiful actually, but like every up to no good idiot does? He screwed up & submitted it under his registered 'luser' name here.

* Jeremiah Cornelius: DO YOURSELF, and the rest of us, A GIANT FAVOR MAN: Seek professional psychiatric help!

(Since Jeremiah Cornelius obviously can't get over the fact he made a spelling error on what it is HE ALLEGEDLY DID FOR A LIVING? That's not MY fault... it's HIS!)


P.S.=> I seriously must have dusted JC (in his mind @ least) for his BAD spelling error & it "got his goat"...

I.E.-> Catching what he claimed to do as a job, for YEARS he left "PENETRATION" (correct) spelled as "PENTRATION" (incorrect) on his resume on LinkedIn & I pointed it out as he & his friends trolled me as usual (webmistressrachel, gmhowell, & crew (probably ALL JC no doubt using alterate emails or TOR to do it as a possible - I've caught "them & theirs" doing it before, ala Barbara, not Barbie = TomHudson (same person))).

So THAT is what has gotten his goat in a technical debate & his "geek angst" could only come up with *trying* to "impersonate me" in every news thread on /. for the month of March 2013 so far!

(Just to attempt to 'discredit me' as a spammer here obviously)

Doing so, by posting that "$10,000 challenge" &/or reposts of my old posts on hosts file value to end users into EVERY SINGLE NEWS ARTICLE POSTED on /. ...

It's all I can think of that *might* cause such a mentally troubled 'reaction' like the Jeremiah Cornelius is doing & there's NO QUESTION he's the one doing this spamming of nearly every posted article masquerading as myself...!

... apk

Jeremiah Cornelius: Grow up (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43595717)

You're embarassing yourself Jeremiah Cornelius [] since you posted that using your registered username by mistake (instead of your usual anonymous coward submissions by the 100's the past 2-3 months now on slashdot) giving away it's you spamming this forums almost constantly, just as you have in the post I just replied to.

"50 years" of "groundbreaking work"... (-1, Troll)

Bigby (659157) | about a year ago | (#43546723)

...should be considered a failure if they didn't actually reach their goal.

If I spent 1 year on something and only "got closer" to the goal, I would be fired. It is understandable to give time to something like an AIDS vaccine, but we gave them 50 years! Give that money to someone else for either AIDS vaccine research or another disease/problem.

Re:"50 years" of "groundbreaking work"... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546843)

It is understandable to give time to something like an AIDS vaccine, but we gave them 50 years!

AIDS and HIV were "discovered" in the early 80's.

Re:"50 years" of "groundbreaking work"... (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546901)

AIDS hasn't existed for 50 years. Their work has been a much more generic "try to find useful scientific uses for primates", and they've been quite successful at it.

Re:"50 years" of "groundbreaking work"... (1)

Holi (250190) | about a year ago | (#43547581)

Your right. It's been around longer then 50 years

Researchers estimate that sometime in the 1930s a form of simian immunodeficiency virus, SIV, jumped to humans in central Africa. The mutated virus became the first human immunodeficiency virus, HIV-1.

So I guess ... (1)

PPH (736903) | about a year ago | (#43546893)

.... this guy [] is going to have to find work in the private sector. Looks like management material to me.

PETA needs to step up!!! (1)

TheSkepticalOptimist (898384) | about a year ago | (#43546927)

And volunteer to be tested on instead of animals. Someone has to cure AIDS and Cancer and its not going to happen through computer simulations and best wishes.

Re:PETA needs to step up!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547307)

I agree with your sentiment but I'm afraid it wouldn't be good enough if they did. And the hypocritical bastards won't. After all, the vegan doctor* from the anti-cruelty organisation says our super scientists can just fart out a rainbow, at the end of which medicine can be found. People test on animals because they're evil and want to hurt stuff, right?

Here's a 10 point list for you:
1) The ethics committees wouldn't allow it.
2) Much medical/biological research requires many generations (excluding human subjects unless you want to wait until evolution got bored waiting and just solved the problem itself).
3) The ethics committees wouldn't allow it.
4) Lawsuits. As in, "Yes I signed the consent form but they didn't specifically say it can cause diabetes... Yes, I do drink lots of coke and eat lots of cookies but so does Fred and he ain't diabetic."
5) Humans are high maintenance.
6) The ethics committees wouldn't allow it.
7) Humans tend to withdraw consent (or even fake side effects**) before the study is over. This is also not statistically independent from the effect the test has on the individual, so it really screws up the results.
8) The ethics committees wouldn't allow it.
9) The statistics benefit from genetically identical or near-identical individuals, at least some parts of it do. (Ever met any hillbilly animal rights activists?)
10) Did I mention ethics committees?

* Psychologist/chiropractitioner/homeopath
** Very common in medical testing. Oh look -- a higher paying study! Let me just get out of this one...

Need different funding (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546951)

Just tell the government it is DOD related and you'll always get money. Maybe they can say it is for chimp piloted drones. Killing always pays!

Researchers plan to study primates in their normal (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43546955)

environment at Fenway and the Meadowlands....

Planet of the Apes (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547029)

So has a Planet of the Apes scenario been averted or accelerated?

you insens1tive clod! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547031)

Not ideal, but important research (1)

RandomUsername99 (574692) | about a year ago | (#43547177)

This isn't spraying some perfume into rabbits eyes to make sure it doesn't give people a rash, this is doing research to treat and prevent diseases that are killing and disabling an astounding number of people.

I think most people that have come to the ethical conclusion that the thousands of animals that they tested HIV and AIDS treatments on at this facility, are more important than the tens or hundreds of thousands of people that are not dead, and living their lives relatively normally because of that research, probably don't know anyone that was pushed down the terrifying, grueling, tortuous path of a slow AIDS related death.

Re:Not ideal, but important research (2)

Samantha Wright (1324923) | about a year ago | (#43547843)

It should probably also be stressed at some point that anything that can be tested on a less sentient animal (generally rats and mice) is tested there extensively first. Primate testing is extremely expensive and the ethics guidelines are generally taken very seriously.

Re:Not ideal, but important research (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43548681)

remember folks, there is a heirarchy on living things.

Dumb Invertibrates like crickets or crabs and most species of mollusk
dumb vertibrates (cold blooded) like a trout, or a Milk Snake
dumb vertibrates (warmblooded) like a rabbit, or a starling
smart Invertibrates (certain species of octopus, like the one that plays ball and trys to untie knots)
smart vertibrates (cold blooded) like bearded dragons and other domesticated animals
smart vertibrates (warm blooded) like a dog, or an eagle. Most primates barring apes
Sentient Animals like whales, dolphins, apes, elephants, and such (Some dog breeds have reached this status through aggressive selective breeding like German Shepherds)
Humans. (enough said)

This is the heirarchy. Some values get subtracted depending on the rarity and cuddliness factor. There is an inherent bias to Mammals and Avians.

Re:Not ideal, but important research (1)

Samantha Wright (1324923) | about a year ago | (#43549415)

Legally it's not quite that complex. In the EU, cephalopods are equivalent to vertebrates [] , and UK legislation specifically grants octopodes the same status. (As a result they have often been called "honourary" vertebrates.)

As for an actual hierarchy of "evolvedness," and not just a subjective ethical ranking based on what we know about animal intelligence, alternative splicing [] seems to be a good indicator of genetic complexity, but we only really have detailed analyses for vertebrates.

here's the real question (1)

slashmydots (2189826) | about a year ago | (#43547195)

So a couple businesses went out of business in the area and long story short, I have some really nice tablets and chairs and computer monitors now. So the question is, are they going to auction off all the monkeys? Because that would be freakin awesome!

Re:here's the real question (1)

damn_registrars (1103043) | about a year ago | (#43548659)

So the question is, are they going to auction off all the monkeys?

That is almost universally prohibited under NIH funding regulations.

Because that would be freakin awesome!

I'm not sure what would be awesome about owning a monkey with AIDS.

Re:here's the real question (1, Funny)

slashmydots (2189826) | about a year ago | (#43550007)

Well that's a seriously offensive statement. Monkeys with aids are just as fun and amazing and intelligent as ones without AIDS. See you at the cross burning, Adolph.

Harvard is gone to the dogs. (3, Interesting)

140Mandak262Jamuna (970587) | about a year ago | (#43547203)

Its students are cheating. Its professors are either too dumb to use the spreadsheet correctly or so corrupt they cook up data to be shills for austerity mongers. And they cut real research centers to save money. They buy real estate in around Boston from companies going bankrupt and take off the tax rolls of local municipalities (look up the Aresenal area). I think Harvard's mission has become growing the endowments as much as possible while coasting on the goodwill created by earlier decades of solid academic work.

Re:Harvard is gone to the dogs. (2)

DSS11Q13 (1853164) | about a year ago | (#43550213)

I don't disagree with you (Harvard grad here), but a couple things I need to point out. First, as a professor, I can tell you that cheating happens everywhere. Second, I saw the spreadsheet thing on the Colbert Report, which is, of course, not a reliable news source. While it's certainly possible that there is an issue with corruption, Harvard is also composed of about a dozen different schools with totally different sources of funding, faculties, etc. One school having corrupt professors would not indicate anything about the others.

Re:Harvard is gone to the dogs. (2)

140Mandak262Jamuna (970587) | about a year and a half ago | (#43551589)


I am surprised you got the spreadsheet scandal via Colbert. It has been making news for quite some time. There was an NPR report, one BBC report etc. So please do not assume I am getting all my news from Colbert.

Further, very surprisingly, Stewart and Colbert seem to care for accuracy, despite being a comedy show. Being comedians they are able to laugh off their mistakes on air and apologize by making fun of themselves. But still, they do that when they make a mistake. The one I remember recently is Stewart making up a funny dickish name connected with civil rights, and it turned out to be a real name. The on air apology from him made me wonder, why isn't he called the newsman and the others jokers.

[1] []

[2] []

[3] []

[4] []

[5] []

[6] []

Blame Republicans (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547209)

And their stupid tax breaks for the ultra wealthy, and the sequester.

But, look at the bright side. This fits well with their narrative of reducing welfare spending and strengthening "morals," since losing this research is going to accomplish nothing more than killing off poor people.

Re:Blame Republicans (1)

AlphaWolf_HK (692722) | about a year ago | (#43548413)

Or perhaps you could do the prudent thing and blame it on poor budgeting decisions.

I think that, for example, this is better than sending money to the national endowment of the arts, or even cut it into defense spending by stopping the manufacture of Abrams tanks that the Army generals have already asked that they stop doing.

I don't see how anybody anywhere could argue that this is a reason to increase spending. Even if you raised the shit out of the top income rate, you still haven't solved the budget deficit. The spending HAS to decrease as what we're currently doing is absolutely not sustainable.

Cutting more important spending projects just so that they could say "See?! We must spend more!" is a really asshole thing to do, and people like you foolishly buy into it.

Re:Blame Republicans (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year and a half ago | (#43553629)

that's not quite true, you could go with tax rates that look like the UK. you know, where the marginal rate hits 40% (income tax, higher than anywhere in the US) at 75k of income, instead of 4-5x that in the US depending on filing status. If you just raise middle class and poor people's taxes enough, you can pay for all the programs quite easily, until you end up like Europe.

Such a bummer (1)

Lucas123 (935744) | about a year ago | (#43547211)

My friends and I used to sit for hours and watch those flying monkeys on leashes go round and round.

Obama (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547247)

Obama strikes again.

$32 Billion Endowment (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43547689)

Given Harvard's status as the wealthiest University in the world ($32 Billion endowment), I'm sure they had the resources to keep the center open if they so wished.

It was a monkey business decision.

Re:$32 Billion Endowment (2)

metlin (258108) | about a year ago | (#43548213)

I found this comment on the RTFA to be of particular interest. It offers a lot more insight into what may have driven Harvard to shut down the center.

This article only touches the surface on what happened. It wasn't about Harvard wanting to destroy a "vibrant" center (and I'm very curious as to who the "most well-funded faculty members" who left are and when did they leave?). It may not have even been the most recent horrible press that the primate center gave Harvard, because as in sports, bad behavior and bad press would have been forgiven by Harvard if the science at the primate center was stellar. But the primate center decidedly wasn't stellar.

It has been almost 20 years since anyone currently working at the primate center and directly working with monkeys had a first author publication (other than a review article) in a top tier science journal. For a Harvard department, that was a pitiful track record. Even in the rather limited world of primate research, Harvard's primate center was second tier. That was why when IAVI (the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative) wanted to figure out how attenuated SIV worked (the attenuated SIV was long considered the domain of Harvard's primate center) it ended up giving the vast majority of its money to other primate centers. Moreover, even at HMS, the best primate research was coming from researchers NOT associated with Harvard's own primate center, those researchers were outsourcing their needs to other primate centers.

This made Harvard's own primate center expendable and a potential net liability for Harvard especially given all its recent negative press. To make matters worse, the primate center's prior director, a man largely responsible for the center's recent decline, sluggish scientific output, and at least some of the mismanagement at the primate center, was tone deaf to the negative publicity, acting like he had nothing to apologize for, and must have further antagonized the center's position at Harvard. Even after he was forced to resign, Harvard never attracted a first rate primate researcher to take over and energize the place. In the end, Harvard must have decided it was better to just outsource its primate needs and reduce its negative publicity.

The more interesting question is whether this will turn out to be an isolated event or really a nod to the increasing power of animal rights activists.

Didn't know! (1)

grumpyman (849537) | about a year ago | (#43548575)

I didn't know Bieber [] was a medical researcher?

Finally! Monkeys for me! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43549417)

I can now finally establish a colony of monkeys in the SW United States to seed the Appalacians with primates. No, really, I have been wanting to do this for 10 years.

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