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Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating

Unknown Lamer posted about a year ago | from the i-really-love-computers dept.

Stats 313

sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."

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Why should it be any different? (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902101)

I mean, if anything it should be better, it's much easier to vet and eliminate chicks online. If they send a message 'how r u 2day??' you know to move on. I met my wife online and have been married for 3 years.

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Interesting)

starworks5 (139327) | about a year ago | (#43902151)

My Wife and I got married on OKcupid. I have to say that it worked out okay, despite the difficulty of long distance for a year, travelling across the country every 2 months.

However I think that online provides a different veil from what you get IRL, Because your able to filter out what you want to say to a person, though its easier to narrow down interests.

On one side I married a beautiful geek woman who is motivated to change the world, on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect.

YMMV

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Insightful)

DFurno2003 (739807) | about a year ago | (#43902191)

"on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect." Don't worry, her parents weren't going to let that slip to any IRL Suitors either.

Re:Why should it be any different? (0, Flamebait)

BitZtream (692029) | about a year ago | (#43902211)

You do realize you and the GP haven't been married long enough to actually comment right? Your first 10 years are a walk in the park. Tell me how rosey it is after that.

Re:Why should it be any different? (1)

flimflammer (956759) | about a year ago | (#43902729)

That is nonsense.

Re:Why should it be any different? (4, Interesting)

countach (534280) | about a year ago | (#43902351)

I "dated" a woman online, and found out about her depression and suicidal thoughts after a couple of weeks, so I wouldn't assume that online is always a better way to hide stuff. In some cases the distance gives you an objectivity missing from real life. It all depends.

Re:Why should it be any different? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902637)

You singing my song dude.

Totally the same thing for me, not married yet, but it looks like me and my girl is going that way. Also meet online, in a MMO. Shes a kinda geek, gamer, animal person. We have very much incommon. But, yes some things was unspoken. Left to find out so to speak. The last sentence sadly fits here too. depression from abuse and neglect.

All well wishes, may your marriage last a 100 years!

Re:Why should it be any different? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902679)

As someone who's been online and BBSing since the mid-90s (like many Slashdotters, I assume), I'm a big fan of online interactions, and so online dating sites seem like a "Good Thing" to me.

Now, when I think of online dating sites, I assume that the purpose (for both the users and administrators) is to find a "best" match as quickly as possible. Which is another "Good Thing:" why waste time with invalid matches when you can find the right match quickly, right?

I also assume that the "right" person is someone similar to you. Yes, I know, "opposites attract," but the theme of online dating usually seems to be "find another Christian, like you," or "find another non-drinker, like you," or "find a geek, like you," or.... well, you get the picture: "find another you." So my impression, at least, is that online dating helps you find someone who is either like you or who already likes someone like you.

I'm also a kool-aid-drinking believer in "Innovation," a school of thought which usually proclaims that capital-I Innovation is a Good Thing, and, critically, that Innovation requires Diversity.

Now if you put all my assumptions together (and feel free to tell me what I'm doing when I assume...), you get a situation where online dating ensures homogenity, while the nearly-all-important Innovation requires heterogenity.

So I worry (and it's not my original thought; it's something I've seen elsewhere and keep puzzling over) that online dating is providing the opposite of what we need as a species (i.e. differences, which lead to innovation).

Other than that my list of assumptions is big enough to drive a trainload of trucks through, is there anything here to put my mind at ease? Do online dating matches actually encourage differences? Does homogenity lead to a better end state? Is there something major I'm missing?

Re:Why should it be any different? (4, Interesting)

flimflammer (956759) | about a year ago | (#43902701)

Your story rings similar to mine. We haven't gotten married yet (known her for several years and been together for almost as long) and I didn't meet her on a dating website but a regular forum that I co-ran. Same kind of girl as mine. The whole depression angle seems to be a common one when you get into relationships online.

Re:Why should it be any different? (4, Insightful)

mcvos (645701) | about a year ago | (#43902819)

People don't advertise their mental illnesses in bars either. You usually find out that stuff by meeting them in person and getting to know them. And you're going to do that anyway, no matter how you met them, as that's the entire point, isn't it?

Re:Why should it be any different? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902909)

LOL. Why don't I believe you when you say she's "beautiful"? LOL again.

3 whole years?!?!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902347)

My god you guys sure went the distance!

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Interesting)

Penguinisto (415985) | about a year ago | (#43902419)

I can agree to that.

I met my missus online while farting around online. We spent the first few hours together in a chat at an online forum, tossing sarcasm at a TV documentary on love while it was being broadcast. Found out she lived across town... long story short, we wound up married a little over a year later.

It is amazing how you can not only assess her intelligence, but it's easier to be yourself when you're not distracted by deep green eyes and a gravity-defying bustline.

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Interesting)

Penguinisto (415985) | about a year ago | (#43902435)

All joking aside, I should add a PS: It's been 7 years since we met.

It's like any other marriage, really... you still have to work at it. You still have to wake up next to her. You still have to debate, argue, compromise, and most importantly? In spite of my peking on a laptop and her messing about on an iPad 3 feet away, you still have to get along in real life.

Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.

IMHO? I spite of the rather adventurous life we've led together since (both for good and ill), it's still worth it. :)

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Interesting)

mcvos (645701) | about a year ago | (#43902859)

Can someone please mod parent all the way up?

There's no silver bullet to make relationships work. Online can be an excellent way to meet the right person, but every relationship takes work, commitment and compromise.

Re:Why should it be any different? (2, Funny)

davester666 (731373) | about a year ago | (#43902457)

I met your wife online two years ago. I concur with your opinion. She's GREAT!

Re:Why should it be any different? (5, Insightful)

mcvos (645701) | about a year ago | (#43902831)

More importantly, you get to focus on interests and personality before you even meet. In bars, you're more likely to focus on looks, on "I'd like to tap that ass", and that's not a great basis for a stable long-term relationship.

My wife of 5.5 years and I originally noticed each other because of our shared interest in sailing, foreign countries and religion (and indeed basic literacy), but it's when we started mailing, and then calling, and then meeting in person, that we discovered how well we matched in other, more subtle and intangible ways. The physical match is important, but so is the mental/psychological match, and that's so easily forgotten when you start with the physical match right away.

Determined by science? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902103)

Well, what passes for science on dating sites.

That bad huh? (5, Funny)

pngwen (72492) | about a year ago | (#43902109)

Good thing I did it the traditional / free way. I would have felt ripped off it was no better ;P

(Note: I love my wife very much. I just have a twisted sense of humor.)

Re:That bad huh? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902299)

The problem is this: I could not do online dating. Even with traditional dating--if I cannot lock eyes with her and see pretty eyes, if her face is beyond cute and into the realm of pretty, if she is not anorexic nor horribly obese, and if her personality is a good match for what I am looking for--that's the woman I would consider dating. Otherwise, rejected as far as dating goes. Maybe friendzone at best.

Yes, my standards are that high--I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.

Online dating--the person representing themselves as a woman could be catfishing and really be a man. Of they could be bisexual. Or they may be a heterosexual woman but they photoshopped their picture. They may want someone's person information and then not give much information themselves.

So again, not interested in online dating.

Re:That bad huh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902333)

"Online dating" really just refers to meeting someone online, and does not in any way preclude getting to meet the person in the flesh. It's not like you're suddenly required to commit to marriage to some avatar with a screen name.

Re:That bad huh? (3, Insightful)

Cenan (1892902) | about a year ago | (#43902519)

I've known many guys who talked pretty much like that. High standards that don't apply to themselves, and for some odd reason - they're all single. Baffling.

Re:That bad huh? (2)

fredgiblet (1063752) | about a year ago | (#43902595)

I'm fully aware that my standards are too high for what I bring to the table. That's why I don't bother even trying.

Re: That bad huh? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902685)

I'm fully aware that my standards are too high for what I bring to the table. That's why I don't bother even trying.

You think you are being funny but you keep it up, you will find yourself an aging bachelor before you know it. Don't buy into the line there's someone for everyone or worse, think they will come to you when the time is right. By the time you figure out none of that is true, you'll be pushing 40 and have all the aches and pains that come with middle age. It's not that it will be too late to start but it will be a lot like arriving at kindergarden on the first day the rest of you friends go off to college and sitting in the maternity ward, you'll feel a lot more like hanging out with the grand dads instead of the dads.

Kinder garten (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902833)

kindergardeners make the best wives. Ask mohammed, or uriah (2 samual 12, little lamb).

A young pretty girl will be a better bride than a college woman.
Also note deuteronomy 22 28-29 (in hebrew)

Re:That bad huh? (5, Insightful)

Cenan (1892902) | about a year ago | (#43902687)

I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.

That's not a girlfriend, that's a tattoo.

Online dating--the person representing themselves as a woman could be catfishing and really be a man. Of they could be bisexual. Or they may be a heterosexual woman but they photoshopped their picture. They may want someone's person information and then not give much information themselves.

Online dating is not a substitute for meeting in person, it is a way to extend your reach for a higher chance of meeting someone compatible, and then meeting in person. And so what if the one you've set up a date with turns out to be a lesbian dolphin trainer? Worst case scenario: you wasted an evening and have a new story to tell.

Re:That bad huh? (1)

fredgiblet (1063752) | about a year ago | (#43902845)

I'm not the one who posted that.

Re:That bad huh? (1)

flimflammer (956759) | about a year ago | (#43902745)

Being delusional about your own appearance definitely breeds this mentality.

Re:That bad huh? (3, Insightful)

mcvos (645701) | about a year ago | (#43902869)

I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.

If you're dating for other people instead of each other, don't bother. Fuck what other people think. If you've found the right person, your real friends will accept him/her. If it's all about image, you're not ready for a serious relationship.

Re:That bad huh? (5, Funny)

CaptainLard (1902452) | about a year ago | (#43902353)

I've heard of low maintenance but if you think $30/mo to meet your wife means getting ripped off, you must have hit the jackpot with her! For the rest of us, cash pours out of our wallets like outdated memes in a slashdot post. Enjoy your early retirement.

Re:That bad huh? (1)

jalet (36114) | about a year ago | (#43902599)

Where are mod points when you need them ???

You made my day, man !

LOL

Re:That bad huh? (1)

mcvos (645701) | about a year ago | (#43902887)

I have little faith in commercial dating sites. On the worst ones, people who don't pay can't send messages, but you still see them anyway. So that means the vast majority of profiles you read, are utterly irrelevant. It's okay when people who don't pay can still respond to messages of paid members, though. Still, I frequented a few paid dating sites with little success, and found my wife on one that was either free or cost about $10 a year.

$30/month by itself is no problem, but some dating sites are effectively scams. There are better ones out there.

Re:That bad huh? (1)

Penguinisto (415985) | about a year ago | (#43902443)

Good thing I did it the traditional / free way. I would have felt ripped off it was no better ;P

(Note: I love my wife very much. I just have a twisted sense of humor.)

Lots of places you can meet for free, even for dating [plentyoffish.com] .

Re:That bad huh? (2)

JasterBobaMereel (1102861) | about a year ago | (#43902785)

Free? - Normally most people meet in a social setting, Bar, Club, Sports etc ... almost none of these are Free to enter ...

As satisfying as... (5, Funny)

morcego (260031) | about a year ago | (#43902125)

Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating: NOT AT ALL.

Re:As satisfying as... (1)

CaptainLard (1902452) | about a year ago | (#43902335)

So you met someone through a friend/bar/etc AND someone online AND got both of them to marry you? You're the man, man (or woman?) I count my lucky stars I found just one girl that puts up with me. Funny story though, I met her in college and had one great date and then met her again several years later through a dating site (got married about 2 years after that). Does that count as traditional, online or both? Either way, so far so good...that should counter your anecdote. Good luck next time!

Re:As satisfying as... (1)

morcego (260031) | about a year ago | (#43902375)

Hitchhiker's humor? Hum? Hum?
Please turn back your geek card at the door, on your way out.

Re:As satisfying as... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902571)

Really? I haven't read anything Hitchhikers in a while and do not recognize whatever you were referring to. Maybe it was just a little too obscure.

Re:As satisfying as... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902621)

you're pathetic.. get a spine and some stones man...and self respect. "puts up with me".. is this the message feminism teaches guys now?

Re:As satisfying as... (1)

Cenan (1892902) | about a year ago | (#43902801)

Acting like an asshat turns her on at home huh? Good for you.

Having a sense of how it is to walk a mile in somebody's shoes goes a long way towards being happy in a relationship. That goes both ways, and has nothing to do with feminism, it is what smart people do, instead of acting like a retarded caveman.

Re:As satisfying as... (0)

Black Parrot (19622) | about a year ago | (#43902415)

Not having a girlfriend on line as depressing as not having a girlfriend in the real world.

FTFY.

Almost 10 yrs and so far so good. (2)

Minupla (62455) | about a year ago | (#43902127)

My wife and I met on a text MUSH in the 90s. Got married 10 years ago next may.

It worked for us!

Min

Re:Almost 10 yrs and so far so good. (0)

BitZtream (692029) | about a year ago | (#43902217)

A MUSH is entirely different than some online dating site. A MUSH requires actual socialization, not fuck-buddy-dates, which is what dating sites are better suited for.

Re:Almost 10 yrs and so far so good. (1)

Calydor (739835) | about a year ago | (#43902381)

That depends a lot on the MUSH.

Re:Almost 10 yrs and so far so good. (1)

flimflammer (956759) | about a year ago | (#43902751)

There were/are MUSHes out there that would terrify you to the core.

Re:Almost 10 yrs and so far so good. (1)

Dominare (856385) | about a year ago | (#43902487)

Same, except it was a MUD and our 10th was last Feb. :)

Not a good comparison. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902137)

Online dating, as a general statement, tends to have fewer minorities and trailer trash.

objective (1)

countach (534280) | about a year ago | (#43902147)

Online dating can be a bit more objective, in that you can look at thousands of profiles and only contact exactly the kind of people you are interested in. Of course, there is a big difference between a profile and reality, but it ought to be more objective and get you closer to what you want, quicker, than meeting whoever happens to catch your eye at a bar.

Communication is the key (4, Insightful)

WegianWarrior (649800) | about a year ago | (#43902157)

Caveat: I meet my Significant Other online, although not on a dating site.
The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. Goes double when you're on different continents and all that... before either party gets on a plane both parties needs to be sure that they are comfertable with seeing this person they have talked to for a while. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history - and if you let him drive you home he knows where you live :/
TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.

Re:Communication is the key (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902195)

You hint that you may be a woman. i love you

Re:Communication is the key (5, Insightful)

fahrbot-bot (874524) | about a year ago | (#43902237)

The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history

Ya. Now if only there were a way to meet and talk and talk and talk with a person face-to-face, in-real-life, instead of *having* to go to a movie and then make out in the car...

TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.

IRL dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other *during* the meeting.

As for me, I met my wife in 1985 (when I was 22 and she 41) when I helped her to set up her new home (after she separated from her second husband). After a few days, she offered to pay me for all my work and I suggested she take me out to dinner instead. We were together for 20.5 years before she died in 2006 of a brain tumor - just seven weeks after diagnosis. (I haven't dated anyone since.) Remember Sue... [tumblr.com]

YMMV

Re:Communication is the key (3, Interesting)

countach (534280) | about a year ago | (#43902365)

Wow, a woman 19 years older. That's unusual. Even more so that it lasted.

"Now if only there were a way to meet and talk and talk and talk with a person face-to-face, in-real-life, instead of *having* to go to a movie and then make out in the car."

Ha ha. The reality is, in real life there will be an expectation of some kind of physical contact rather soonish (unless you are in Iran or something), and that can tend to muddle things. In your case, you got to know her through NOT dating, so you got to know her a bit prior to any such expectations.

Re:Communication is the key (0)

Rudisaurus (675580) | about a year ago | (#43902509)

Your memorial site for Sue is a thing of beauty. It brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing it with us. Sue was as lucky to have you in her life as you were to have her in yours.

Re:Communication is the key (1)

bzipitidoo (647217) | about a year ago | (#43902877)

I expect the single life is my lot. Even apart from my own blunders, or just the stigma of being too "white and nerdy", I'd have thought I'd have a bit more success. But I have gotten nowhere. Talk and talk on dating sites, maybe for weeks, seeming like we have much in common, and then suddenly she stops responding. What did I say wrong? What happened? I don't know. Communication? What communication?

Could be some were just using men. Maybe she was married, and misrepresented herself as single, or any number of other lies. I have no idea how common that is. But I think most people are mostly sincere and mostly honest. A few times, I did get a reason of sorts. One was a divorced woman who told me that her husband left her without a word of explanation, and she had no idea why. Hmm. A few weeks later, she told me she "wasn't ready", which sounded screwy to me. Another was a Life Coach, which, upon reading a bit about what that was, sounded like potentially a downright evil career. After a few weeks, told me she didn't want to chat with me any more, unless I wanted to be a customer and pay her money for advice on what I should do with my life! Had me wondering if the entire purpose of the conversation was just an attempt to drum up some business. Felt as if I'd been given directions to a party, only to discover upon arriving that there was nothing there, and worse, that I'd crossed a minefield to get to the place and that my correspondent knew all about that part.

Perhaps it's not me especially, it's the environment. Seems in recent times, the economy has been bad most years, and this stresses and depresses people. I fancy people aren't much interested in the pursuit of happiness, and are definitely less interested in having children, when life sucks. Also, we have the obesity epidemic. It's harder to get excited over someone who can't climb a stairway because they're too fat. And when that fat person is you, and you can hardly stand to look at yourself in the mirror, how can you feel confident enough to date? I wonder how many morbidly obese women have given up all hope and don't even bother trying? A review I saw of OKCupid complained that the women there weren't serious, and I'm thinking there may be something to that. I wonder how spoiled we all are. Are people's expectations so sky high that no one can meet them? I read a bit about some sisters of one of the King Louises of France. They didn't want to marry any man who was not worthy of them, and declined many offers. Seemed they were holding out for a king of a major nation. They ended up never marrying. Many daughters of nobility were pushed into nunneries, which were the dumping grounds for excess children. A noble might produce many daughters before he finally had enough sons to have good odds of one living long enough to succeed him. Also, some of the women in nunneries were the victims of rape by a nobleman, which in those days was considered the fault of the woman. But these sisters of King Louis weren't driven into the religious life, they just couldn't settle for any man. I wonder if we've all become a bit more like that.

What do you expect (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902159)

20,000 desperate old men find 20,000 Russian / Thai wives who actually rock up to escape their country.

Uhhh... (5, Insightful)

Obfuscant (592200) | about a year ago | (#43902169)

This is like saying that raspberry pies baked with raspberries you go to the store to buy taste the same as raspberry pies baked with raspberries your spouse buys from the store. Same raspberries, same cook, just a different way of getting the starting ingredients.

Re:Uhhh... (2)

commodore73 (967172) | about a year ago | (#43902343)

Nope. Proximity limits who you can date in reality. The internet eliminates that limitation. If you live in a town of very few people, your chances of meeting the right person are...different.

OkCupid not mentioned in the study? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902179)

Is it just me or is does it smell of bias that okcupid is not one of the dating sites that they explicitly name in their study?

ANd the other stats!!!!!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902223)

80% percent on marriages from online dating result in divorce! I would post the site or stat, but I read it some time back.
This "study" only shows how stupid studies can be..

Re:ANd the other stats!!!!!!!! (1)

fredgiblet (1063752) | about a year ago | (#43902601)

What makes that statistic more valid than this study?

Adopt-a-pet (2)

Macchendra (2919537) | about a year ago | (#43902247)

I want the stats on relationships started in the adopt-a-pet thread in the usenet group alt.sex.bondage.personals.

Re:Adopt-a-pet (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902273)

I want the stats on relationships started in the adopt-a-pet thread in the usenet group alt.sex.bondage.personals.

9 Years so far and working pretty well for us.

Right honey?

"Mmmmrhmmmmph".

Just remember, silence is golden, and a ball gag is around 14 dollars at stockroom.com.

YMMV

It expands your dating circle (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902249)

How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?

Yeah, helps to find that one-in-a-million (3, Informative)

raymorris (2726007) | about a year ago | (#43902387)

I was looking for a special lady, a one-in-a-million. (Okay, so maybe one in ten thousand.). It's REALLY hard to meet and sift through a thousand women just meeting people around town. I tried, and I did have brief conversations with 60-120 or so, and had lunch with 20-30. Online, I had more available women to see, with tools to narrow it down before starting up a conversation.

I married my one-in-a-million five years ago.

(My first marriage taught me that choosing from the five or ten available women in my social circle was a REALLY bad idea.)

Re:Yeah, helps to find that one-in-a-million (1)

countach (534280) | about a year ago | (#43902663)

That's good. I'm curious since you were so specific about what you were looking for... what were you looking for? Super beautiful and smart, or something very specific?

Re:It expands your dating circle (5, Insightful)

NeoMorphy (576507) | about a year ago | (#43902437)

How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?

Thank you! Somebody who get's it.

It's amazing how many idiots can't grasp this simple concept. The biggest advantage of online dating is it allows you to network yourself in the dating world more effectively. It's not like you can go into a bar and yell "I'm a computer geek who is looking for a single intelligent and attractive woman who is interested in techies who look like me! I'm going to Comic Con this weekend, any takers?", Nobody?? Fine, I'm off to the next bar.

What if your soul mate doesn't hang out in bars, or other social venues? Not much chance of it happening, is it?

IRL?? What do you Neo-Luddites think happens? Do you think we all jump into virtual reality and live our lives there? Of course IRL meetings happen, it's part of the process. Online interaction is not substituted for face-to-face interaction, it's a step before face-to-face interaction. Even better, it facilitates face-to-face interactions between people who would otherwise never meet, even though they are a good match.

For those "The old-fashion way is the best, I walked up to my future wife and started talking to her", really? Do you have psychic powers that let you home in on the right one? Or did you marry the first girl who would talk to you?

I met my current wife on OkCupid, and OMG I can't believe how much I am in love with her. She's awesome! Would I have met her without online resources? Not likely. Different states, different circles etc. But we were able to discover someone that extremely interested us. There was no other way it could have happened, other than developing psychic powers!

Am I the only one who thinks it's very bizarre that there are people interacting on an online forum who don't understand the concept of people interacting online?

Re:It expands your dating circle (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902641)

I'm sure there are plenty of other nerds such as yourself that get it. ;)

Re:It expands your dating circle (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902683)

For those "The old-fashion way is the best, I walked up to my future wife and started talking to her", really? Do you have psychic powers that let you home in on the right one? Or did you marry the first girl who would talk to you?

Yes. Of course I didn't walk up TO HER, she walked up to me... It's been 30 years, and now the kids are grown and while it was "love" at first, it has been just fine lately... never a "soul mate" situation. Maybe it is time to move on and do a more scientific pick this time...

Of course - even with a "perfect" match, there is nothing to say people don't change.

Re:It expands your dating circle (2)

serviscope_minor (664417) | about a year ago | (#43902879)

Am I the only one who thinks it's very bizarre that there are people interacting on an online forum who don't understand the concept of people interacting online?

Well, if you'd met by cracking a joke about Soviet Russia, first posting a link to goatse and then berating her for using vi instead of EMACS, we'd all understand perfectly.

maybe I am reading this wrong (4, Funny)

Osgeld (1900440) | about a year ago | (#43902267)

online dating has as much chance of long term success as picking up a drunk chick in a bar?

Re:maybe I am reading this wrong (2)

countach (534280) | about a year ago | (#43902373)

Ha ha. I assume the survey assumes first that you married the drunk chick, which I guess doesn't usually happen. (Unless you are in Vegas).

re Online Dating is Out! (1)

jelizondo (183861) | about a year ago | (#43902277)

Married, twice (1); divorced, twice(2). If online dating results are as stable and satisfying as those IRL, forget it.

Maybe I should try another tack?...

5'8" Male. Geek. Grown children. Looking for a...

In slashdot? Aw shucks! Forget it! Probably I will get a dog posing as girl...

For the curious: married (1) five years and (2) eighteen years

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902395)

Gotta start with baby steps. Consider what others here commented about weeding out lots of potentially unnecessary mistakes thanks to profiles. For something so digital and REMOVED from interaction, having matching results is a pretty efficient result. It is also proof of concept of a process that *can* be refined to be better than the IRL version.

About stability and satisfaction: MOVE to a different country with better retention rates [wikipedia.org] . The downside is that ouside the US online dating is probably orders of magnitude MORE shunned, so maybe it is a catch-22

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (0, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902413)

And yes, that is a whopping 53% divorce rate in the USA. Dating anyone in a place where a coin flip has a fairer chance of success than you creeps me out.
The marriage rate is 7%, so only 3% succeed in a country with 150 million potential straight couples.

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902773)

How many of those divorces are by serial divorcees? I mean, 66% of Newt Gingrich's marriages ended in divorce; him and other people are raising the average.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.htm [nytimes.com]

"The method preferred by social scientists in determining the divorce rate is to calculate how many people who have ever married subsequently divorced. Counted that way, the rate has never exceeded about 41 percent, researchers say."

And I don't think that 7% figure is accurate ... it's more like 0.7% of the population getting married any given year, and 0.3% per year getting divorced. At that rate, more people are dying (0.8%/year overall, assume 0.4% for married people who make up half the population) than getting divorced.

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (5, Informative)

jelizondo (183861) | about a year ago | (#43902491)

I usually don't respond to Anonymous Cowards but this time it's just too good to pass..

I live in Mexico, where the official divorce rate is 15% (per the article linked [wikipedia.org] ) versus 53% in the U.S. (Disclosure: I am a Mexican national, married twice to Mexicans.)

Funny thing, off the top of my head I can mention two close friends, both married 30+ years: one couple has spelt is separate rooms for years, the other one officially is still married, but they live in separate houses.

Why won't they divorce? Social pressure: family ties, what would the neighbors think?, I couldn't go to church being divorced...

You are mistaken lower divorce rates do not mean happier marriages... Just enduring hell.

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902827)

You are mistaken lower divorce rates do not mean happier marriages... Just enduring hell.

You are wrong. Happy marriages have a very strong casual link to longer marriages.

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (1)

Eivind (15695) | about a year ago | (#43902895)

Yeah. I've said the same thing to some Iranian friends of mine. The higher divorce-rate in Norway compared to Iran, is not a sign that marriages work less well here. It's just a sign that people have a CHOICE, and can actually divorce rather than spend the rest of their lives in a miserable love-less marriage.

Re:re Online Dating is Out! (2)

xenobyte (446878) | about a year ago | (#43902575)

Married, twice (1); divorced, twice(2). If online dating results are as stable and satisfying as those IRL, forget it.

Maybe I should try another tack?...

5'8" Male. Geek. Grown children. Looking for a...

In slashdot? Aw shucks! Forget it! Probably I will get a dog posing as girl...

For the curious: married (1) five years and (2) eighteen years

Welcome to the Internet - where men are men, the women are men and the children are FBI agents posing as children...

The considered search (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902309)

paid off well for me. I decided to advertise my availability in a local print medium (several years before the Web was available), rather than depending on fate to provide. We've been married 19 years now. The time and money I spent on my advertisement, on meeting the respondents for coffee, and on taking the time to think about how I felt in their company were the most important investment I've ever made.

I suspect that introducing just the least bit of conscious selection into the otherwise (for me, at least) overwhelmingly irrational and mysterious process of mate selection favorably biases the outcome. For me, a favorable outcome meant finding a woman who was wildly unsuited "on paper" for me, but who has been a true and steadfast friend, bringing out the best in me and to my continuing delight, in her as well.

In short, the results in TFA do not surprise me. Addition of thought to a complicated, important process usually improves the outcome.

Alternative to going to a bar (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902361)

I met my wife of 4 years years, been together 9+, via eHarmony. When I was using it, I was looking for someone and just didn't want to hit the bar scene or try to figure out some way to introduce my shy ass self to women. I saw it as a better alternative to traditional dating. FWIW, she was my 5th or 6th date on eHarmony.

Stable? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902397)

The word "stable" and "marriage" do not really go together in this day and age. At least in the USA, where divorce rates exceed 54% in most states and are fast approaching 60%.

Married 11 years after meeting online (2)

shadowofwind (1209890) | about a year ago | (#43902423)

Downside: Online relationships are kind of unnatural, you go through various stages of intimacy and its largely in your head. Its easy for the relationship to stray too far from reality, and even if you maintain perfect objectivity intellectually, there's still a kind of emotional disconnect, like you've missed something that you can't quite replace.

Upside: Its way easier to find someone who shares your values and is otherwise compatible with you. Modern life is so strongly partitioned into different kinds of careers and social settings, it can be almost impossible to meet a compatible person just by offline social networking. A lot of times people get hooked up with someone in high school or college that they don't actually fit very well with, they were just the closest thing in proximity. Online matches can be a lot better in that regard.

I'd say that if you live in a big metropolitan area, and date online, you're probably best off dating people who are close enough that not much of the relationship is online except for the original contact. That doesn't work if you don't live in such an area of course, which was the case for me.

I think an alternative to dating online that can work for a lot of people is graduate school. When I was an undergrad, two out of more than a hundred students in my major were women, and one was middle aged and married. I think the ratios are a lot more favorable than that now though, and the women who go to graduate school are different than undergraduates also.

Re:Married 11 years after meeting online (2)

fredgiblet (1063752) | about a year ago | (#43902615)

You're suggesting that people sign up for college just to date?

Re:Married 11 years after meeting online (1)

shadowofwind (1209890) | about a year ago | (#43902651)

If more school is something that fits you well anyway, and you're happier doing that than whatever you would be doing otherwise, sure. That's not why I went back to school, but I can see the timing of that would work for some people.

If you don't like the rut you're in, you get out of it. If you live in a region of a mobile society that has few to no intelligent, single women in the workforce, and meeting single intelligent women is something that's important to you, then you go to where the women are. Relocating to a company in a bigger city could work for a lot of people, but for me that wouldn't be any more radical than going to graduate school.

Re:Married 11 years after meeting online (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902653)

Even in college, you're unlikely to find intelligent people. It's mostly just rote memorization geniuses who will never do anything innovative.

Simple reason (2)

Tablizer (95088) | about a year ago | (#43902453)

because we can change the aspect ratio of our dicks in Photoshop

Re:Simple reason (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902617)

because we can change the aspect ratio of our dicks in Photoshop

I got a Division by Zero error

No shit.... (2)

Jeremiah Smith (2886481) | about a year ago | (#43902469)

Where you meet has nothing to do with relationship stability.

Agreed, myt story (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902475)

My girlfriend and I met through a dating service when I was living in Russia. We've lived happily for two years, have a child, and I wouldn't change anything in how we met, or the wonderful times we've spent all over the world since (we've lived in Russia, the Ukraine, Mexico, Switzerland and San Francisco since). The best part about the on-line dating aspect was that we could spend lots and lots of time discussing various topics of interest to both of us, comparing our values, and otherwise communicating in a cool way that would've taken a lot longer in-person.

Another great aspect of on-line dating is that you aren't limited to one person at a time. You can screen (and be screened) much faster, and you can then cherry pick with whom you'll invest time for the in-person dates and so on.

Disclaimer: at the time I was the VP of technology for Badoo, so I was in a position to use the service as much as I could or wanted. I didn't have to pay for the additional services (e.g. gifts, Super Powers, etc.) so it was easy for us to spend as much time on the service as we wished. My opinions on the subject are biased because of this -- but I'd still recommend anyone looking for a mate to try the on-line dating service that better works for their tastes.

Cheers!

E

Agreed - my story (3, Interesting)

ciurana (2603) | about a year ago | (#43902477)

Dang it - I wasn't logged on last time and my post ended in Anonymous Coward limbo...

My girlfriend and I met through a dating service when I was living in Russia. We've lived happily for two years, have a child, and I wouldn't change anything in how we met, or the wonderful times we've spent all over the world since (we've lived in Russia, the Ukraine, Mexico, Switzerland and San Francisco since). The best part about the on-line dating aspect was that we could spend lots and lots of time discussing various topics of interest to both of us, comparing our values, and otherwise communicating in a cool way that would've taken a lot longer in-person.

Another great aspect of on-line dating is that you aren't limited to one person at a time. You can screen (and be screened) much faster, and you can then cherry pick with whom you'll invest time for the in-person dates and so on.

Disclaimer: at the time I was the VP of technology for Badoo, so I was in a position to use the service as much as I could or wanted. I didn't have to pay for the additional services (e.g. gifts, Super Powers, etc.) so it was easy for us to spend as much time on the service as we wished. My opinions on the subject are biased because of this -- but I'd still recommend anyone looking for a mate to try the on-line dating service that better works for their tastes.

Cheers!

E

Online or off (1)

EzInKy (115248) | about a year ago | (#43902523)

Online or off, just about everyone has to hide half of themselves to attract the other sex. Yeah, I know that sounds weird...but not everyone is 100% he-man or 100% she-male. We all have degrees of separation.

Re:Online or off (1)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#43902589)

Online or off, just about everyone has to hide half of themselves to attract the other sex.

I've found the opposite is true. Offline, you have to start off showing only the half of yourself you don't mind everyone seeing. However, Online you can show whatever half you want up front, and then graduate to showing your full self. Just because you start off with the web cam aimed at your face doesn't mean you can't tilt it down... Or, you could just start off with the web cam aimed at your crotch, and build a "satisfying" relationship from there.

It's true that a 1st date IRL can lead to sex right then and there, but a one night cyber-stand is basically masturbation, but you'll still be fist pumping especially after you're married, so it makes no difference either way. I kind of like having a mute button.

What about arranged marriages? (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902535)

There are 56 posts and nobody asked about arranged marriages? Or other forms of pair bonding. I am disappointed in you nerds.

Marriage Satisfaction Correlation To Meeting Means (4, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902539)

My ultra-orthodox Jewish grandparents lived in a society where fixed marriage was pretty much the norm, and that's what they did as well. Anecdotaly, it never seemed to me like that generation had worse marriage. More rigorous methods are unavailable: there probably aren't reliable questionaires in fixed-marriage societies, and other posters have pointed out that divorce rates can be misleading. I wonder if the key to a happy marriage is just managing your expectations.

Why stop there? (5, Funny)

Noah69 (1083017) | about a year ago | (#43902549)

I actually went one step further and had an online wedding. It went surprisingly well until it became obvious that my future wife couldn't hold a positive K/D and was called a n00b faggot by the pastor. Worst day of my life, I even spent like five bucks on a custom suit character skin.

Oh man (3, Insightful)

no-body (127863) | about a year ago | (#43902727)

It's a fantasy and illusion - why should there be any difference at all?

Lola (4, Funny)

RedHackTea (2779623) | about a year ago | (#43902839)

I met a girl recently at a bar where she approached and asked me to dance under electric candlelight. Her voice was dark brown like sweet molasses, like a guy actually. I'm not the most physical guy, but whenever she hugs me, it almost breaks my spine. She said that she'll make me a man soon... I hope it works out.

Only online dating that gets you a nice girl (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#43902841)

Is the online dating where you're somehow talking to a cute 6 year old. and then you go and marry her like mohammed did.

Young girls make the best wives. Ask mohammed, or uriah (2 samual 12, little lamb).

A young pretty girl will be a better bride than a college woman.
Also note deuteronomy 22 28-29 (in hebrew)

Irksome studies (1)

WinstonWolfIT (1550079) | about a year ago | (#43902919)

Online matchmaking no better? No worse? What have we learned that's useful? How about a useful level of detail, such as who is more likely to benefit meeting in person vs who is more likely to benefit going online? Break it down by profession, by star sign, by fetish, it doesn't matter. Tell me how to improve my odds, don't tell me the whole damn thing is a crap-shoot because I already knew that.

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