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Amazon Selects Their Favorite Fake Customer Reviews

samzenpus posted about a year ago | from the creative-writing dept.

Idle 98

An anonymous reader writes "Amazon's just created a new web page where they're officially acknowledging fake reviews posted by their customers — and they've even selected their own favorites . ('I was very disappointed to have my uranium confiscated at the airport. It was a gift for my son for his birthday. Also, I'm in prison now, so that's not good either...') On the front page of Amazon, in big orange letters, Amazon posted 'You guys are really funny.'And then — next to a funny picture of a rubber horse head mask — Amazon's linked to a list of some of the very best satirical reviews their customers have submitted over the years, noting fondly that 'occasionally customer creativity goes off the charts in the best possible way...'"

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I deny everything (2)

ackthpt (218170) | about a year ago | (#44578505)

It wasn't me, it was the other guy.

Re:I deny everything (5, Informative)

alphatel (1450715) | about a year ago | (#44578875)

Link to the actual funniest reviews page [amazon.com]

Re:I deny everything (5, Funny)

NettiWelho (1147351) | about a year ago | (#44579089)

Personally I'm of the opinion that this page [amazon.com] has the funniest reviews on Amazon.

Re:I deny everything (1)

Charliemopps (1157495) | about a year ago | (#44579317)

Agreed

Re:I deny everything (1)

SleazyRidr (1563649) | about a year ago | (#44583805)

Yes, the Denon cable reviews are funny, but the 55 gallon drum of lubricant beats them all by miles.

affiliate link (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44580063)

classy move, throwing your affiliate link in there.

Re:I deny everything (2)

Mr. Sketch (111112) | about a year ago | (#44580173)

How did they miss this [amazon.com] page?

Trying reading reviews for odd products (2)

nayrbn (2704751) | about a year ago | (#44578573)

I remember a great evening with the family when we were reading reviews for laxatives and other products like it. It's just so funny for people to be open about their, er, regular habits. Some samples:


"I used to be constipated for several days at a time for over 20 years before I started taken Swiss Kriss herbal laxative. I gave this herbal laxative 5 stars, because it works every time I use it. I never cramp. It's just a smooth move everyone should try."


"I have ALWAYS had a problem with constipation. Even when I was a child I had problems. Now at 55, I have learned I'm allergic to all DAIRY products which has helped tremendously, but still have a problem with constipation. Swiss Kriss is the ONLY product that my doctor will let me take every day. I take FOUR tablets at bedtime and I do not have any problems. I recommend it highly! BUT, until you know how many you will need to take, I'd only start out taking ONE tablet and then adding to it, only if needed."


"I actually never heard of this product till I read a biography about Louis Armstrong recently. Amongst Louis' many quirks and talents, he was actually a very health-conscience guy. He was into various techniques to keep his weight down and in general, stay healthier. This product was something he liked so much, swore by in fact, that he'd offer little packets of it to friends and associates he'd meet (even offering some to the British Royal Family during his visit in the U.K.). He also did a few commercials for them. Sooo, how could I pass that up?! I tried it myself and Pops had it right. This stuff has been around for a looong time and still works like a charm."


"I went to my favorite restaurant and ordered one of everything on the left on the menu...I felt...a feeling, I sensed an urgency, like a clogged pipe was my colon after that meal I've always had 'butt' issues btw I drove slowly through the bad side of town looking for a drugstore, looking for a way out of my 'condition.' I managed to locate an all night drive thru pharmacy with the word 'relief' posted clearly in the window. I parked, got out of my vintage Studebaker and proceeded to bang on the window pleading for a product that would take my pain away. [...] These pills do work...they just work too good...YOUR LIFE WILL BE FOREVER ALTERED AFTER USING THIS...THIS...'product.' Why is it $5.49 a bottle? I wouldn't pay more than $5.38."

Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578615)

I don't have a anus, you insensitive clod.

Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (1)

ackthpt (218170) | about a year ago | (#44578687)

I remember a great evening with the family when we were reading reviews for laxatives and other products like it. It's just so funny for people to be open about their, er, regular habits. [...]

I've written quite a lot, including some very silly ones (none of these were mine, thank goodness) but there are some items I've been waiting on and reading early reviews which are more troll or speculative opinion than review. Others were informative. And then there were a lot of Wow, you took this product through the mill, didn't you, are you alright? Hope the injuries heal quick .. sort of thing.

Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578825)

I remember a great evening with the family when we were reading reviews for laxatives...

Oooh-kay.

Re: Trying reading reviews for odd products (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578827)

My favorites are the one star reviews for inflatable furniture.

Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (1)

K. S. Kyosuke (729550) | about a year ago | (#44578839)

It's just so funny for people to be open about their, er, regular habits.

You're saying that it's funny for people to be open about their regular habit of being closed?

Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579189)

It's just so funny for people to be open about their, er, regular habits.

You're saying that it's irregular for people to be open about their regular habit of being closed?

I got your back.

one of my favorites (5, Funny)

yorgasor (109984) | about a year ago | (#44578593)

I'm reading this while wearing my three wolf moon shirt. It's the best shirt in the world, if only it glowed in the dark.

Re:one of my favorites (2)

ackthpt (218170) | about a year ago | (#44578621)

I'm reading this while wearing my three wolf moon shirt. It's the best shirt in the world, if only it glowed in the dark.

Console your self with the banana slicer, but not while you are wearing the horse mask.

Re:one of my favorites (4, Funny)

Jumunquo (2988827) | about a year ago | (#44578633)

That's what the uranium is for.

Re:one of my favorites (1)

K. S. Kyosuke (729550) | about a year ago | (#44578865)

That's what the uranium is for.

Are you sure? I would have thought that selenium would be more appropriate. After all, the Three Wolf Uranus Shirt was a flop.

Re:one of my favorites (1)

ozmanjusri (601766) | about a year ago | (#44580509)

After all, the Three Wolf Uranus Shirt was a flop.

And the Pluto version was an absolute howler...

Re:one of my favorites (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579803)

Well Pinkie, for world domination we will require weapons of mass destruction, and using humans to buy it as a gift for there son will get us towards that goal. Now if only these idiot humans would stop trying to get it thru airports..

Re:one of my favorites (2)

jonyen (2633919) | about a year ago | (#44578719)

I'm reading this while wearing my three wolf moon shirt. It's the best shirt in the world, if only it glowed in the dark.

They have one now: http://shop.themountain.me/three-wolf-moon-glow-t-shirt/ [themountain.me]

Re:one of my favorites (1)

no1nose (993082) | about a year ago | (#44579791)

I love how the three-wolf shirt is a thing. I want to get one and wear it on casual Friday.

Re:one of my favorites (5, Funny)

oodaloop (1229816) | about a year ago | (#44579107)

Apparently one of the reviews is from George Takei. Like, actually from the real George Takei. I guess?

This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono. But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy." Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is.

Re:one of my favorites (2)

Nimey (114278) | about a year ago | (#44579313)

Yeah, he's been posting fake reviews on Amazon for a bit over a month now.

Way longer (1)

dutchwhizzman (817898) | about a year ago | (#44580899)

I looked at his reviews over a month ago and he's been at it for a while. I guess I should read up if he's been at it again lately.

Re:one of my favorites (1)

Earthquake Retrofit (1372207) | about a year ago | (#44580201)

I don;t read reviews much so I never came across this phenomenon before today. This is terrific. A whole new subgenra of literature is born.

Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant (5, Funny)

Saija (1114681) | about a year ago | (#44578709)

one of my favorites: Epic all-situation survivor's kit [amazon.com]

Re:Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Gian (4, Funny)

Anubis IV (1279820) | about a year ago | (#44579029)

I was about to buy the Wenger based on his review, up until he mentioned penguins in the Arctic Circle. After that, I found it difficult to trust anything he had said.

Re:Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Gian (1)

dkf (304284) | about a year ago | (#44582511)

penguins in the Arctic Circle

They're just using their frequent flyer bonus miles up.

Re:Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Gian (2)

chihowa (366380) | about a year ago | (#44579771)

" I started playing with it on the bus on my way to work, and I accidentally impregnated the woman sitting next to me. "
Lawrence Johnson | 12 reviewers made a similar statement

Military Drone (UAV) Toy Amazon review (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578737)

By Maurice Cobbs "Better Living through Evil Science" [amazon.com]

You've had a busy play day - You've wiretapped Mom's cell phone and e-mail without a warrant, you've indefinitely detained your little brother Timmy in the linen closet without trial, and you've confiscated all the Super-Soakers from the neighborhood children (after all, why does any kid - besides you, of course - even NEED a Super-Soaker for self-defense? A regular water pistol should be enough). What do you do for an encore?

That's where the US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) RQ-1 Predator from Maisto comes in. Let's say that Dad has been labeled a terrorist in secret through your disposition matrix. Rather than just arrest him and go through the hassle of trying and convicting him in a court of law, and having to fool with all those terrorist-loving Constitutional protections, you can just use one of these flying death robots to assassinate him! Remember, due process and oversight are for sissies. Plus, you get the added bonus of taking out potential terrorists before they've even done anything - estimates have determined that you can kill up to 49 potential future terrorists of any age for every confirmed terrorist you kill, and with the innovative 'double-tap' option, you can even kill a few terrorist first responders, preventing them from committing terrorist acts like helping the wounded and rescuing survivors trapped in the rubble. Don't let Dad get away with anti-American activities! Show him who's boss, whether he's at a wedding, a funeral, or just having his morning coffee. Sow fear and carnage in your wake! Win a Nobel Peace Prize and be declared Time Magazine's Person of the Year - Twice!

This goes well with the Maisto Extraordinary Rendition playset, by the way - which gives you all the tools you need to kidnap the family pet and take him for interrogation at a neighbor's house, where the rules of the Geneva Convention may not apply. Loads of fun!

Greatest Review Of All Time (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578749)

Read http://www.amazon.com/review/RXXPVOUH9NLL3

I'll quote the first stanza:

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Re:Greatest Review Of All Time (2)

sc0ob5 (836562) | about a year ago | (#44579633)

By far the best one I have seen so far.

Link for the lazy. [amazon.com]

edited, nerd-friendlier fake review aggregator (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578753)

http://theworstthingsforsale.com/ [theworstth...orsale.com]

All of the ones for the banana slicer are funny (5, Funny)

oodaloop (1229816) | about a year ago | (#44578763)

Most of those on that page are incomplete. For instance:

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!

And my personal favorite review of the banana slicer:

I would rate this product as just okay. It's kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I've been using to slice my bananas.

Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (4, Funny)

Somebody Is Using My (985418) | about a year ago | (#44578771)

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the reviews on this [amazon.com] page yet for Denon's AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable, a $500 gold-connector CAT5 cable. Possibly the greatest fake reviews on Amazon.com

Oh, wait. It's mentioned on TFA. Well, since nobody reads that anyway so can we still say I was the first guy to mention it? Plus, they deserve being mentioned twice anyway ;-)

Re:Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (1)

stox (131684) | about a year ago | (#44579023)

At least twice. I still laugh when I read it, and it has been there for how many years now?

Re:Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579413)

If it's only $500, then it's come down in price.

At one point it was around $4000.

Re:Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (2)

greg1104 (461138) | about a year ago | (#44580115)

This is similar to the AudioQuest K2 [amazon.com] reviews, which includes the funniest single review I've ever seen there--starting with "We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives."

Re:Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (1)

AmiMoJo (196126) | about a year ago | (#44581535)

Nothing will ever beat the Machina Dynamica's Brilliant Pebbles [machinadynamica.com] . They even boast about how they replaced the original glass jar with a plastic zip-lock bag for better frequency response.

At least the signal passes through Denon's cable. Machina Dynamica recommend taping the pebbles to the audio cable, and then putting a few more bags on the corners of the room. Why am I wasting my time working five days a week when I could be selling bags of pebbles for $160 each?!

But Amazon has no "front page". (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578811)

TFS says that this is featured on Amazon's front page. Amazon's "front page" is whatever it thinks will induce a given individual to spend money.

There is no Amazon, there is only your ever-diminishing will power. And every other site on the internet is playing catch-up.

God. (1)

RightSaidFred99 (874576) | about a year ago | (#44578823)

Don't encourage them. Maybe it was funny the first few times, now every dumb asshole with delusions of wit goes on there and tries to make funny. It had officially jumped the shark when some political satire rocket surgeons went to the binders and made a Hie-Larious joke about Romney's binders and binders of women.

Yes, I'm getting old and jaded and find less and less of Internet hilarity to be all that funny any more.

Re:God. (1)

jonyen (2633919) | about a year ago | (#44578853)

Yes, I'm getting old and jaded and find less and less of Internet hilarity to be all that funny any more.

Perhaps you've come to the wrong place.

Re:God. (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578989)

how do people do that get jaded to this day i'm 90 and still find it all funny.

Re:God. (2)

xevioso (598654) | about a year ago | (#44579133)

to this day you're 90? You mean you've been 90 all along? How long have you been 90, exactly?

Re:God. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44581567)

Don't ask him hard questions like that. He's been looking at the same xkcd now for the last two years, and every morning it's funny again.

"Just created"? No (2)

Anubis IV (1279820) | about a year ago | (#44578837)

More like it's been visible from the front page for at least a few months now. It's been one of the items in regular circulation right under that topmost section of the page where they advertise their various services and products.

Even so, if you haven't seen it, it's definitely worth a read. The Three Wolf Moon shirt and $10,000 Denon cable are, of course, on there, but so are a surprising array of other items.

Bezos' New Plans (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578849)

The Editorial Page of the Washington Post will now be assembled from carefully selected Amazon reviews.

Re:Bezos' New Plans (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44578993)

The Editorial Page of the Washington Post will now be assembled from carefully selected Amazon reviews.

And nothing of value will have been lost.

My wish list... (2)

Kaenneth (82978) | about a year ago | (#44578867)

Amazon wiped my old wish list for no apparent reason, so I've been using my new one mostly to track humorous reviews

http://amzn.com/w/2MQ4CMS9RE1O7 [amzn.com]

To be clear, I don't actually want most of these items, please don't buy me any of them.

Especially the 55 gallon drum of lube.

Re:My wish list... (2)

Talderas (1212466) | about a year ago | (#44582431)

Why would you say "Don't buy me these things." People will buy them for you.

So the question is.... why do you want a 55 gallon drum of lube?

Re:My wish list... (1)

Kaenneth (82978) | about a year ago | (#44584485)

I live on a hill where it rarely snows, and I own a tobaggan.

Other of my favorites (4, Funny)

Saija (1114681) | about a year ago | (#44578877)

Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz [amazon.com]
One for the cellar
One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead -- the whole glass teams with bubbles -- culminating in a frothy layer at the head.

The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. As with most Chateau Deerbuster products, this has the signature leafy-fresh character, which softens into a slight rancid feel towards the end.

Even though it has a rather short and crisply defined finish, I still believe this has the composition and acidity to age well in the cellar of any self-respecting urine connoisseur.


Good and bad...
This product gets three stars and here's why:

Good: This is soooooooo much easier than trying to get the Wolf Urine directly from a Wolf. Wolves are, from my experience, VERY possessive of their urine. Until the advent of the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee (which acts to calm the wolves) let's just say vicious bites and deep lacerations were the norm when trying to "milk" the wolves of their urine (how else can you get it?). Even with the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee it was never easy. This product had changed all of that!

Bad: As a lure this thing sucks. I can't even get a hook into it. It's liquid! HELLOOOOOO??? Who makes a lure out of liquid??? Shiny plastic, rubber, or metal, sure, but liquid? No, this is a serious design flaw.

Fresh Whole Rabbit [amazon.com]
I know what it's like to be a feral dog
Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car's batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit's soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen's parking lot.

On the serious side... (1)

BenEnglishAtHome (449670) | about a year ago | (#44584705)

...wolf (and fox) urine is useful stuff. If your attic becomes infested with squirrels or other small mammals, put a few (literally, just 5 or 6) drops in the attic and they'll skedaddle. Now seal up whatever hole they were using to get in and your problem is solved.

Winner of over 2000 Space Odysseys goes to... (3, Informative)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#44578879)

The RoboMow RL850 Robotic Cordless Electric Lawn Mower. [amazon.com]

Customer Action Shot Posted by: Hal

Re:Winner of over 2000 Space Odysseys goes to... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579867)

That red eye was totally photoshopped, poorly.

Re:Winner of over 2000 Space Odysseys goes to... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44580179)

You really can't call something like that "photoshopped". I think "mspaint'd" is closer.

Re:Winner of over 2000 Space Odysseys goes to... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44580673)

What's that "mspaint'd" app? I couldn't find it in the Play store.

Re:Winner of over 2000 Space Odysseys goes to... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44583443)

I think he meant the mspaintd daemon for Linux.

Funniest of all time (4, Funny)

CuteSteveJobs (1343851) | about a year ago | (#44578965)

Check the reviews on this one:

Playmobil Security Check Point "Thank you Playmobil for allowing me to teach my 5-year old the importance of recognizing what a failing bureaucracy in a ever growing fascist state looks like." http://www.amazon.com/PLAYMOBIL%C2%AE-36138-Playmobil-Security-Check/product-reviews/B0002CYTL2 [amazon.com]

What is that this has been going on for a long time and Amazon has let it continue without comment. Not so cool management is still on board, but still good to see a megacorporation with a genuine sense of humor as opposed to obvious ad agency promotions.

Where's Harry Raddick? (3, Informative)

shri (17709) | about a year ago | (#44579053)

Disappointed that they did not choose Harry Raddick's reviews. By far the most entertaining reviewer they've ever had. EVER.

Read them here... [amazon.com]

Re:Where's Harry Raddick? (1)

shri (17709) | about a year ago | (#44579061)

Classics included:

An admirably thorough guide to the tools of the production-line meat processing trade. The superb colour photographs particularly made it a perfect gift for my 15 year old daughter who is showing alarming signs of not becoming vegetarian.

Smith and Stybbard have written a gem in this book. It's certainly helped me to take control of my dog's idiosyncratic toilet habits. My pug Grendel now dances to my tune, be it on walks, in the garden or merely impressing friends and family. A word of caution - take care when choosing your "command words" and "smart phrases" to avoid words your dog is likely to hear on the television. It took 4 episodes of Ali McBeal before I realised that my "full evacuation" command was in the theme song.

Re:Where's Harry Raddick? (1)

CopaceticOpus (965603) | about a year ago | (#44583931)

And:

Claudia Schiffer: Perfectly Fit Arms (VHS Tape)

Though I didn't follow the workout as stringently as Claudia would have wanted, I did indeed give my arm a vigorous workout using this tape.

Geek humor (1)

Alsee (515537) | about a year ago | (#44579077)

My favorite was this geeky one for a can of Uranium Ore:
"I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."

-

$500, 112 page book on ship avoidance? (1)

Trax3001BBS (2368736) | about a year ago | (#44579197)

They could of linked to this page alone,reviews aware of the attempted rape of their bank accounts
http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/product-reviews/0870334336/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1 [amazon.com]

"Capt. Trimmer's book were none too useful in my efforts to avoid huge ships, as I was recently struck by a very large ship indeed, a cruise vessel called the 'Costa Concordia'....Capt. Trimmer's advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I'm a big rock."

"A New Kind of Review" (2)

GODISNOWHERE (2741453) | about a year ago | (#44579233)

This gem [amazon.ca] was written about Wolfram's "A New Kind of Science":

Why you are reading this review

I can only imagine how fortunate you must feel to be reading my review. This review is the product of my lifetime of experience in meeting important people and thinking deep thoughts. This is a new kind of review, and will no doubt influence the way you
think about the world around you and the way you think of yourself.

Bigger than infinity

Although my review deserves thousands of pages to articulate, I am limiting many of my deeper thoughts to only single characters. I encourage readers of my review to dedicate the many years required to fully absorb the significance of what I am writing here. Fortunately, we live in exactly the time when my review can be widely disseminated by "internet" technology and stored on "digital media", allowing current and future scholars to delve more deeply into my original and insightful use of commas, numbers, and letters.

My place in history

My review allows, for the first time, a complete and total understanding not only of this but *every single*
book ever written. I call this "the principle of book equivalence." Future generations will decide the relative merits of this review compared with, for example, the works of Shakespeare. This effort will open new realms of scholarship.

I am the author of all things

It is staggering to contemplate that all the great works of literature can be derived from the letters I use in writing this review. I am pleased to have shared them with you, and hereby grant you the liberty to use up to twenty (20) of them consecutively without attribution. Any use of additional characters in print must acknowledge this review as source material since it contains, implicitly or explicitly, all future written documents.

Binders full of women (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579315)

The dozens of Amazon 'reviews' for three-ring binders posted after the last October's Presidential debate, referencing Mitt Romney's infamous "we had binders full of women" boast, were classic and a pioneer in the genre of wiki humor. I think a bunch of people discovered their inner talent for writing "Top Ten" lists.

Re:Binders full of women (1)

jmac_the_man (1612215) | about a year ago | (#44582001)

This is a stupid comment to make and you are a stupid person for making it. There's nothing wrong with the comment "binders full of women['s resumes]" when attempting to hire more women to work in government, which is the actual context. It just sounded vaguely naughty because the media was just starting to notice 50 Shades of Gray. It's horrible that enough people were dishonest enough to play along.

I have no idea why Amazon would feature those reviews without pointing out the context they were made in. I know full well why they aren't pointing out the context, though.

Re:Binders full of women (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44582491)

I have no idea why Amazon would feature those reviews without pointing out the context they were made in. I know full well why they aren't pointing out the context, though.

Because it's funny?

Re:Binders full of women (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44588087)

the first time I heard a "binder full of women" joke, it was moderately funny.
The four hundred and eighty fifth (made up number, I didn't actually count) time I heard one, I began to realize that maybe women aren't that bright, if they have to keep making this stupid "binders full of women" joke.

The Story about Ping (2)

Teckla (630646) | about a year ago | (#44579415)

O. M. G. This is a geek site and somehow nobody has yet mentioned "The Story about Ping"?

Here's the product page: http://www.amazon.com/Story-about-Reading-Railroad-Books/dp/0448421658 [amazon.com]

Go read the first review NOW. You're welcome!

Re:The Story about Ping (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44581133)

Someone did, actually, two hours before you.

This is the best (4, Informative)

wbr1 (2538558) | about a year ago | (#44579643)

On amazon UK.. my mom sent me this. http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK [amazon.co.uk]

And no its not in their list.

Re:This is the best (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44580021)

On amazon UK.. my mom sent me this. http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK [amazon.co.uk]

And no its not in their list.

Truly the best. None better. In the past, I've sent the link to coworkers sitting close to me. They laugh so hard, it stops all work as others investigate. Over 700 reviews for your reading pleasure.

Re:This is the best (2)

cusco (717999) | about a year ago | (#44580259)

By all the gods above, below, and in-between, the "rastefarian" review (#3 I think) was the funniest thing that I have ever read in my life. I've never seen an Amazon review with 467 comments after it before, so I don't think I'm alone.

55-Gallon Drum of Lube (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579651)

How has this gone unnoticed?

http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376617457&sr=8-1&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube

Re:55-Gallon Drum of Lube (1)

wiredlogic (135348) | about a year ago | (#44583903)

The 55 gal. drum of lube has the funniest reviews on Amazon. I'm surprised they left it out.

I don't understand.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44579687)

I'm sorry, are we supposed to scold them for featuring these fake reviews? Just the way the summary was written, sounded like 'amazon embraces fake reviews and doesn't care! zomg!'

Because some of them are actually pretty fucking funny :D

amazon copycat (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44580047)

surprised Amazon doesn't quote on their sources, as most of those reviews have been published on "Uhpinion", the sister site of Lamebook

Catching uranium smugglers (1)

Adam Claassen (3006455) | about a year ago | (#44580559)

How can we be sure that this isn't an government plot to catch uranium smugglers and that all of us who read the reviews on uranium ore (then proceeded to find the best price for it) won't have our doors brok.... I SWEAR, I WAS JUST READING THE FUNNY REVIEWS! STOP POURING THE WATER ON MY FACE!

David Hasselhoff CD Reviews (1)

purpledinoz (573045) | about a year ago | (#44580637)

My favorite is the 1000+ reviews for Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [amazon.com] .

Re:David Hasselhoff CD Reviews (1)

spiralx (97066) | about a year ago | (#44581729)

I hear the song "Hot Shot City" is particularly good.

One of the better reviews on Amazon (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44581087)

Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon: http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO [amazon.com]

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Veterinary applications October 12, 2011

"As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It's not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube."

Uranium is it! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44581205)

I purchase as much uranium as I can afford and throw it in a pile in the basement. A few more cans and it will go critical . Who needs nuclear power form the power company when you can roll your own, Cut out the middle man!! Woo hoo!!

Get off my lawn (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44581859)

I don't necessarily expect Amazon to place high value on this classic review of a children's story but I am disappointed in the slashdot readership that The Story of Ping [amazon.com] wasn't mentioned. At least not in my old person's lazy perusal of the comments.

User Submitted Images! (1)

Sabathius (566108) | about a year ago | (#44582693)

The reviews are brilliant, of course. But if you really want a laugh, look at all of the user submitted images. I'm talking pee-your-pants funny.

Note: Referral code in link (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44583245)

1. Link to a page on Amazon, and get it on Slashdot
2. Include your referral code, and hope no one notices
3. Profit.

Not impressed.

Re:Note: Referral code in link (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44586589)

Really, how dare someone profit from other peoples humor and laughter? I mean after all, if you dont do everything for free youre evil and morally incorrect!

I know I noticed - and clicked anyway. Its not me thats paying him and I admire his ingenuity. Oh wait, thats right, figuring out new ways to profit is evil - well shit, I guess Im just going to have to go to hell along with him.

We'll see you there.

Review by a /.er (2)

Bjecas (1753752) | about a year ago | (#44583877)

"I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty." Whoever wrote that step up, I know you're in here.

Alternative curator (1)

cellocgw (617879) | about a year ago | (#44584701)

Hudson Hongo's http://leasthelpful.com/ [leasthelpful.com] has some pretty odd reviews. His are allegedly *not* intentionally absurd.

A Million Random Digits (1)

TuballoyThunder (534063) | about a year ago | (#44589849)

My favorite: A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates [amazon.com]

The book is a promising reference concept, but the execution is somewhat sloppy. Whatever generator they used was not fully tested. The bulk of each page seems random enough. However at the lower left and lower right of alternate pages, the number is found to increment directly.

This explains why Amazon never deletes ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44598129)

This explains why Amazon never deletes obvious fake reviews. They like fake reviews, I guess. At least the positive fake reviews (most fake reviews are positive) help to generate sales.

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