Beta
×

Welcome to the Slashdot Beta site -- learn more here. Use the link in the footer or click here to return to the Classic version of Slashdot.

Thank you!

Before you choose to head back to the Classic look of the site, we'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts on the Beta; your feedback is what drives our ongoing development.

Beta is different and we value you taking the time to try it out. Please take a look at the changes we've made in Beta and  learn more about it. Thanks for reading, and for making the site better!

Researchers Discover Way To Spot Crappy Coffee

samzenpus posted about a year ago | from the one-of-these-things-is-not-like-the-other dept.

Science 184

sciencehabit writes "People who enjoy the most expensive coffee in the world can soon sip without worry: Researchers have come up with a way to tell if their cuppa joe is real or faux. The luxury drink in question—Kopi Luwak—is produced from coffee beans pooped out by the palm civet, a time-consuming process that helps contribute to the beverage's price tag of between $330 to $500 per kilogram. In a new study, researchers chemically analyzed four different blends of coffee—authentic Kopi Luwak, regular coffee, a 50/50 mix of the two, and a brew of coffee beans that producers had chemically treated in an attempt to simulate mammalian digestion. Of the hundreds of organic substances naturally present in coffee, a handful enabled the team to distinguish Kopi Luwak from the other brews. The technique may even be sensitive enough to distinguish pure Kopi Luwak from versions adulterated with varying percentages of other coffees—which offers some degree of reassurance when your morning mud costs about $15 a cup."

Sorry! There are no comments related to the filter you selected.

Easy (5, Funny)

DanLake (543142) | about a year ago | (#44650855)

Look for the Starbucks logo.

Re:Easy (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650911)

Fetid Cock.
Rancid Asshole.

With your powers combined, I am Feces Soup!

Re:Easy (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651337)

Please consult a professionnal... or get a cock up your ass... whatever works for you. Posting angry gay sex messages in tech boards is not a life worth living. Oh yeah, you can KILL YOURSELF TOO, it would work for me, please do that asap.

Re:Easy (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651685)

Posting angry gay sex messages in tech boards is not a life worth living.

First off, various forms of "new media" provide monetary incentive for Internet potty humor.

Secondly, you've applied sexual connotations where none exist. "With your powers combined" and what powers are those? Cock and Asshole. Are there not an entire gender which have such things already combined? Where comes the sex from merely being a man dirty below the waist?

What manner of man are you that can't summon Feces Soup without gay sex to render?

First-world problems (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650987)

When first-world problems: "Waaaah my coffee wasn't shat out of something's asshole!!!"

Re:First-world problems (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651141)

I fucked a Starbucks store manager, and she smelled and tasted like burned coffee everywhere after work...her clothing, her hair...especially in her vagina, as coffee was flowing through her veins and urethra all day. But I learned that their store managers get fat bonuses, depending, and I let a faggot who worked there and has a crush on me pay for my Venti when I lost my wallet. Yeah, I drink Starbucks coffee, bitches, as well as their bitches.

If you just want plain ol' coffee, Starbucks is actually very competitively priced with 7-11's sedimentary shite while being vastly superior. It's only those faggots who order caramel Ralph Macchios and all those other diabetes-inducing drinks that give Starbucks drinkers a bad name. Yeah, I'm a consumer whore. Fuck you.

-- Ethanol-fueled

Re:First-world problems (3, Funny)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#44651697)

It's only those faggots who order caramel Ralph Macchios and all those other diabetes-inducing drinks that give Starbucks drinkers a bad name. Yeah, I'm a consumer whore. Fuck you.

-- Ethanol-fueled

While I resolutely disagree, I must thank you sir Ethanol for without such flammable incite
I'm not sure I'd ever come face to face with a rare wild "No True Starbuccaneer" argument.

Re:First-world problems (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651739)

*McDonald's* has better coffee than Starbucks and for much cheaper.

Personally, I drink Segafredo and illy. Most of the cafes around here have them and you'd be hard pressed to find a better coffee.

Re:First-world problems (2)

mjwx (966435) | about a year ago | (#44651607)

When first-world problems: "Waaaah my coffee wasn't shat out of something's asshole!!!"

No, it simply tastes like it as shat out of somethings arsehole. #FWP.

Re:Easy (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651229)

I had a friend that owned an ordinary coffee shop at the mall and there was a Starbucks upstairs. If Starbucks ran out of coffee beans they would go to him and borrow some to last them until their next shipment arrived.

Re:Easy (1)

Joining Yet Again (2992179) | about a year ago | (#44651749)

"borrow"

Re:Easy (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651663)

BINGO!

Oh shit! (3, Funny)

MouseTheLuckyDog (2752443) | about a year ago | (#44650875)

Oh shit!

Re:Oh shit! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650967)

Drinkin weasel shit. Mmm mmm good! Almost as good as my COCK down a niggers throat!

hee hee what a bunch of niggers dumbass jigaboos what a bunch of coons haa haa stupid bunch of nigjigs laa laa dumb ass tribal speakchuckers!! you say african american i say nigger american whats the difference? theyre both niggers you dumb cunt!! dumb stupid civilization destroying welfare eating bastardchildfactory primitive gangstatribal bunch of criminal breeding NIGGERS yeah! that's what they are uh huh.

even libtardbedwetters wouldnt visit a black ghetto they know how violent niggers are! no matter how not-racist the libtard is!! hahahaha you preach something but you cant live the way you preach you niggerloving libtards,yeah thats right pretend to be the niggers friend to get his nigger vote you niggerlover but dont ever live with niggers because you wouldnt like that! hahaa hahahaa bunch of PC nigger lovers wow only nigger lovers like them are even worse than niggers who steal your car and smoke crack!

niggers think being a thug is cool what a bunch of niggers! niggers beat up black kids that study because they act white, what a bunch of dumb niggers! hey why dont the niggers just work hard to keep other niggers dumb, oh wait thats what they do!! dumb fucking niggers! hey why dont the niggers just try real hard to keep more niggers in prison than niggers in college at any given time? oh wait thats what they do!! dumb fucking niggers! hey why dont the niggers hurt and kill each other till black on black crime is much higher than white on black crime everwas? oh wait thats what they do!! dumb fucking niggers! hey niggers why dont they always defend niggers who fuck up and do stupid shit just because they are fellow niggers like treyvon? oh wait thats wha they do, he's a nigger youre a nigger so you niggers act like niggers!! dumb fucking niggers!

hey why dont niggers get nigger slashdot accounts like a great big bunch of niggers and mod shit like this down because niggers dont wanna hear what a big nigger every nigger really is so they mod it down and hope it goes away!! oh wait thats wha they do!! hahahaha mod the truth down niggers then you forget the truth and what do you end up with? niggertruth! oh wait thats what they do!!

wow niggers are too stupid even niggers think niggers are stupid, dumb niggers! hahahaha nigger nigger nigger yes read it and weep you niggers and you nigger lovers hahaaha yeah he said NIGGER do you get upset when somebody says NIGGER? unless you know theyre black then its ok to say NIGGER? how do you know im not black you NIGGER? you dont you fucking nigger! you just assume i must not be black because you stereotype what races are and what they do and you think you fucking know everything! you don't! you know less than a nigger!! what if I am black and say NIGGER then what you NIGGER! didn't niggers wait so long for the freedom to say NIGGER on the internet? didn't think of that NIGGER did you NIGGER?! yeah. you NIGGER!

Re:Oh shit! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651897)

I'm not even sure why I had to check if this comment was anonymous or not

Nasty (3, Funny)

kf4lhp (461232) | about a year ago | (#44650881)

In this case, I'll prefer the fake.

The things that pass for delicacies.

Re:Nasty (4, Informative)

danceswithtrees (968154) | about a year ago | (#44651205)

The real story seems to be rather interesting. From wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak [wikipedia.org] :

During the era of Cultuurstelsel (1830—1870), the Dutch prohibited the native farmers and plantation workers from picking coffee fruits for their own use. Still, the native farmers wanted to have a taste of the famed coffee beverage. Soon, the natives learned that certain species of musang or luwak (Asian Palm Civet) consumed the coffee fruits, yet they left the coffee seeds undigested in their droppings. The natives collected these luwaks' coffee seed droppings, then cleaned, roasted and ground them to make their own coffee beverage.[9] The fame of aromatic civet coffee spread from locals to Dutch plantation owners and soon became their favorite, yet because of its rarity and unusual process, the civet coffee was expensive even in colonial times.

Re:Nasty (1)

KGIII (973947) | about a year ago | (#44651549)

Your post reminded me of the aroma! Yes - that's a whole other point. It does have a strong and very nice aroma. It smells like it is going to be some of the best damned coffee you're ever going to have in your life. Unfortunately I did not find the taste matching the aroma. But it does have that going for it, the aroma, and that's worthy of mentioning.

Re:Nasty (2)

KGIII (973947) | about a year ago | (#44651519)

I'm not sure if anyone will find this beneficial but I shall try...

I was, of all places, in Hawaii when this was available for me to try. This was quite some time ago but it was still somewhere near $12 for a cup. I didn't care about the expense and simply wanted to try it because, well, it was available and I'd never tried it before and I'd been told it was both "very good" and "quite the experience."

The latter was certainly correct but I can't imagine thinking that the former is true under any circumstances?

I opted to try it unadulterated, no sugar and no cream. No, it didn't taste like fecal matter. It tasted as if someone had let the coffee burn at the bottom of the pot. It was oily, harsh, and did not taste good at all. It had a taste, to me, like burned coffee. It reminded me a bit of the coffee that I'd had served to me years ago in Turkey - like it was a bad imitation of bad coffee. It seriously was not pleasing, not even remotely pleasing at all.

I had paid, as I said, something close to $12 for said cup of coffee so I finished it. I'd ordered it and the intent was to try it. It was ordered mostly so I could have the experience and recount it later in life or, at least, remember it. I'd hoped to enjoy the experience and I'd hoped to be able to tell people that, "You should definitely try this! It's got to be the best coffee I've ever had."

I can not do so. I can only say that I've tried it and that I, personally, found it not only to not be anything special but something that should be avoided. It's not like a single cup is that expensive so if you still feel inclined to try it after having read this then, by all means, you should.

I have been told, since then, that it was, "Obviously fake." I have also been told that it may be the harvesting method? That some people farm the animals and just cram 'em full of beans and this means that the animal is just eating any bean fed to it. I've been told that the person who made it must not know what they were doing. I'm still more inclined to think that it was just really bad coffee. It had a distinct flavor and that flavor was not good.

Again, it reminded me of the coffee that I had in Turkey only that won't make any sense to anyone unless they've had Turkish coffee. The coffee I was served, multiple times in multiple places, in Turkey was burnt and very strong - strong to the point of absurd. Also burnt to the point of gross. It was bitter, burnt, and stronger than anyone should make coffee. It was served like that anywhere that I went so I am assuming it is a cultural thing and I've heard people mention it since. I've even heard a few people claim to like it.

Now, that's the best that I can describe Turkish coffee. Imagine that only make it oilier (Wow, that's a word and I spelled it correctly the first time? Heh!) and make it basically taste like a cheap imitation of that. Oh! Imagine espresso from a gas station as compared to espresso from a coffee shop that actually knows what they're doing. That's sort of how it compares in those regards.

Anyhow, like I said, if you get the chance to buy it by the cup then, by all means, give it a shot. It's not expensive really if you're just getting a single cup. I'd certainly not recommend buying a pound of the stuff. Also the prices quoted are a bit higher than what they were selling it at - they offered the beans for sale by the pound and I think it was $125 per pound BUT this was ten years ago or so. I think... I'm unable to recall the exact year that I went but it was somewhere around 8 to 10 years ago.

So, there's your review from me. I am aware that people's tastes are different so I'd still encourage you to consider trying it instead of relying on my review IF you were already wanting to try it and hadn't had the opportunity. If you probably weren't going to spend $12 on a cup of coffee, even if it came from poop from a Golden Retriever named Benny, then you probably should stick with your plan. It's really not very good... 'Snot very good at all.

Re:Nasty (3, Informative)

mstefanro (1965558) | about a year ago | (#44651791)

tl;dr He tried it upon friends' suggestion, was bad, friends said "BRO IT WAS FAEK". This reminded him of when he also had a bad coffee someplace else.

Re:Nasty (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651929)

tl;dr He tried it upon friends' suggestion, was bad, friends said "BRO IT WAS FAEK". This reminded him of when he also had a bad coffee someplace else.

Liar. You did read.

Re:Nasty (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651557)

The fake stuff is shat out of the ass of your barrister.

Grocery Store Secrets (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650887)

Always check the expiration date on your coffee. There's a good chance a fair bit of the product on the shelf hasn't been rotated and some of it is either close to expiring or already expired.

Source: I work night crew at a grocery store. I regularly check the coffee for expiration dates on the exceedingly rare chance I have extra time.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651159)

There's a good chance a fair bit of the product on the shelf hasn't been rotated and some of it is either close to expiring or already expired.

But if you do notice an expired product, resist the temptation to yell out "You Fucking a******s!"

That might let everyone know that you have a problem.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (2, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651309)

If it's already ground, it's stale before it went into the tin.

If it's beans, and it's within 12 months of the expiry date, it's also probably quite stale.

Expiry dates on coffee are a joke.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (2)

Concerned Onlooker (473481) | about a year ago | (#44651335)

Bingo.

And forget the kopi luwak stuff. You can have really fabulous coffee for much, much cheaper by buying quality green coffee beans and roasting and grinding them yourself.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (1)

operagost (62405) | about a year ago | (#44651569)

That's great if drinking coffee is your hobby, as opposed to something you do while you do other stuff.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651761)

Yes, because you absolutely must stand by and stare intently at the oven for the entire duration of the roasting process.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (1)

advocate_one (662832) | about a year ago | (#44651861)

Oven??? I roast my coffee beans on the stovetop in a pan. I get a bit more control than roasting in the oven.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (1)

Concerned Onlooker (473481) | about a year ago | (#44652043)

It takes about eight minutes to roast enough for a few strong cups of coffee using a hot air popcorn popper. Life is too short to drink swill.

Re:Grocery Store Secrets (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651345)

Here is a newsflash. don't buy coffee at the grocery store. 99% of it was roasted 3 or more months ago. Coffee is best 2 to 7 days after roasting. (day 1 and 2 for out-gassing) it is considered stale loosing up to 40% of the flavonoids by day 14. anything older is starting to go rancid. i had major stomach aches after drinking coffee and hated it until i had fresh roasted. Now i roast my own and will never drink stale rancid coffee again.

Not a problem ... (5, Funny)

PPH (736903) | about a year ago | (#44650905)

... at my favorite coffee haunt. They have the palm civet right there, squatting over your cup.

Re:Not a problem ... (1)

Daetrin (576516) | about a year ago | (#44651377)

Hmmm... spaghetti derivative... meatballs, sort of anyway... and... ooh, Kaldorf droppings! Who ate it before you did?

Grande with a shot of poop (1, Insightful)

Zargg (1596625) | about a year ago | (#44650917)

"The luxury drink in question—Kopi Luwak—is produced from coffee beans pooped out by the palm civet, a time-consuming process that helps contribute to the beverage's price tag of between $330 to $500 per kilogram."

Wait a minute...we wait for a random animal to eat and poop out the coffee beans, and charge MORE for this? What exactly is supposed to make this better than the fresh coffee bean?

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

aliquis (678370) | about a year ago | (#44650951)

That the animal has eaten and pooped it out obviously.

I assume it changes the flavor, or just if flashy.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (2)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#44651849)

That the animal has eaten and pooped it out obviously.

I assume it changes the flavor, or just if flashy.

That being shat out makes a change in flavor indicates the flavor imbued is that of the shitting process itself.

Ah, the taste of Shit. Humans are made of and do produce shit. We refine all things shit and burn shit in our cars.
Energy collapsed into matter and Stars digested this and shat out all the heavier elements that make up all the exquisite flavors of the world.

Nature's cruel joke is that the ultimate digestion the cosmos hordes for itself alone.
You will never know the true flavor of a black hole's shit.

Turdukenivet Coffee. Closer than anything on the planet to tasting the Universe's ass.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650991)

"The luxury drink in question—Kopi Luwak—is produced from coffee beans pooped out by the palm civet, a time-consuming process that helps contribute to the beverage's price tag of between $330 to $500 per kilogram."

Wait a minute...we wait for a random animal to eat and poop out the coffee beans, and charge MORE for this? What exactly is supposed to make this better than the fresh coffee bean?

Niggers did it once so we gotta be all multicultural and shit. Just like chitterlings.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651087)

The digestive acids and other processes result in the final product being HUGELY less bitter and much more flavoursome.

I'm not a coffee snob by any means (I even drink instant from time-to-time if nothing else's available) but I have had this stuff, and the difference really is very noticeable.

Re: Grande with a shot of poop (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651673)

I am a coffee snob. luwak coffee isnothing special. Certainly no better than kona or blue mountain.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (4, Informative)

hedwards (940851) | about a year ago | (#44651165)

"Delicacy" is better thought of as a code word for "look at the crazy shit we just fed to that tourist."

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

RedHackTea (2779623) | about a year ago | (#44651189)

The title makes a lot more sense now: "Researches Discover Way to Spot Crappy Coffee"

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651389)

Huh [youtube.com] .

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

MikeBabcock (65886) | about a year ago | (#44651255)

The digestive tract is supposedly much better at extracting the bean from its husk than the usual cooking method and gives a purer flavour.

cf. Wikipedia

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

davester666 (731373) | about a year ago | (#44651323)

So, who was the person digging through cat poop, finds some coffee bean in it, and announces "Hey, let's make some coffee out of these beans"?

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

gagol (583737) | about a year ago | (#44651483)

Slaves... they were not allowed to take the raw beans. Now poop coffee if for arogant yuppies. Funny how things turn out.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

gagol (583737) | about a year ago | (#44651363)

I am SO glad to be a green tea guy right now! My fancy stuff ($$$) is white tea leaves collected by trained monkeys in asian mountains. No poop involved.

Re:Grande with a shot of poop (1)

Krishnoid (984597) | about a year ago | (#44651515)

You're not the first person [davebarry.com] to think this is more than a little weird.

I have a cheaper way (4, Funny)

girlintraining (1395911) | about a year ago | (#44650921)

It goes something like this. I go to the store. I take samples of everything, then bring them home. When I wake up in the morning, I try one. One of four things will happen:

a) It does nothing. Bad coffee.
b) It gives me just enough juice to make it to the shower, where I fall asleep again. Bad coffee.
c) It gives me a big jolt, and I say 'fuck work' and submit a new linux kernel patch. Okay coffee.
d) ZOMFGThisIsThe GreatestCupOfCoffee InTheWorldCanIHave AnotherHolyShit EverythingIsSoClear IWantToDoAllTheThings RightNowHolyShit FuckOnAHeartAttack... Good coffee.

Curse you sir, (1)

rsilvergun (571051) | about a year ago | (#44651045)

I have you and your ilk to thank for the drek that is Starbucks. What made them big was their coffee is higher in caffeine than most.

Re:Curse you sir, (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651075)

are you always in the habit of referring to "girls" as "sir"?

Re:Curse you sir, (3, Funny)

girlintraining (1395911) | about a year ago | (#44651213)

are you always in the habit of referring to "girls" as "sir"?

Now now, be nice. He has to rationalize it somehow, otherwise... his male ego would be crushed by the thought that a guh... gu... a gurrrrrrl smacked him so hard on an internet forum his kids will be born dizzy. And so, to keep his idea of girls as subserviant little playthings for his penis... and him as the big and powerful penis owner... anyone who so completely and utterly destroys him as we have just done, simply can't be a..a... a girl.

In other news, my geek-fu is strong. Now, get lost, or (puts on a fez) I shall taunt you a second time! ;)

Re:Curse you sir, (2)

operagost (62405) | about a year ago | (#44651595)

Really, none of what you said made any sense.

Re:Curse you sir, (1)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#44652039)

Really, none of what you said made any sense.

It actually does if you are learned in the language and shaming tactics of the cultural Marxist.

Re-read the post as coming from a Female Chauvinist, or Feminist if you dare. Note the attack of male nature and trumped up "male ego" for no reason. Note the hypocrisy in assuming that rsilvergun is male...

If the idealists can not be swayed by logic and rationality, I would at least hope they learn that displays like this are a disservice to the causes of women...

Re:Curse you sir, (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651327)

"girls" don't have a "penis". Just so you know.

Re:Curse you sir, (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651339)

A woman is pregnant with a boy. Think about it.

Re:Curse you sir, (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651577)

A doctor in training is not yet a marine. A girl in training is not yet a girl.

Re:Curse you sir, (5, Funny)

girlintraining (1395911) | about a year ago | (#44651113)

I have you and your ilk to thank for the drek that is Starbucks. What made them big was their coffee is higher in caffeine than most.

Listen, you hipster wannabe geek... caffeine content is the only thing a true geek cares about. Geeks are devices for turning caffeine into code. Therefore, if you want lots of code, you need lots of caffeine. We don't care that it was made by the loving natives of... some country... brewed in a steamomaster 9000 with auto bean injectors, slow-roasted in an artistic clay pot. You care, because you're a wannabe. We only care about two things: That it's hot, and that it makes anyone who drinks it twitch like a politician being asked about his sexual misconduct.

Re:Curse you sir, (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651263)

That it's hot

Eh. Optional. Better, but still optional.

twitch like a politician being asked about his sexual misconduct.

Indeed. A definite plus if it makes you able to fantasize about sexual misconduct WHILE coding. That's the good shit, but make sure it's not cold, brown, meth. Always always always: Mouth to belly > Nose to brain.

Re:Curse you sir, (1)

gagol (583737) | about a year ago | (#44651559)

You are aware you need coffee to be producive only if you drink coffe on a regular basis, right? (captcha: addiction)

Re:I have a cheaper way (1)

Maxo-Texas (864189) | about a year ago | (#44651249)

I make my coffee and do not keep it heated.

What I don't drink, I put into a Zynga bottle.

Then I have reheated coffee over the next several days. I tried it after seeing refrigerated coffees in the store.

Probably works better because I use cream and one packet of sweetener in my coffee.

Fresh-- I like the old denny's coffee the best.

Re:I have a cheaper way (1)

gagol (583737) | about a year ago | (#44651497)

You should try cocain... a to c do not apply with this. ;-)

girlintraining, I have wanted to ask for years, please do no be offended but, are you a women in a man body? (please, just trying to make sense of your nick name)

Re:I have a cheaper way (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651727)

The choice of user name is explained in her profile. Two words: clam slammer.

She even has a fan: girlinatrainingbra [slashdot.org]

Re:I have a cheaper way (1)

VortexCortex (1117377) | about a year ago | (#44651957)

When I wake up in the morning, I try one.
[...]
c) It gives me a big jolt, and I say 'fuck work' and submit a new linux kernel patch. Okay coffee.
d) ZOMFGThisIsThe GreatestCupOfCoffee InTheWorldCanIHave AnotherHolyShit EverythingIsSoClear IWantToDoAllTheThings RightNowHolyShit FuckOnAHeartAttack... Good coffee.

I bearing word from Arrakis.
Our navigators have heard your minds' shouts weakly across expanse,
but sadly we can not reach you before your time has passed.
We believe your concept of "free software" binds you to us.
As your brother Fremen we wish to help you.

If it is as we suspect then also linked are the makers of spice on our world to the makers of coffee on your world.
Perhaps you have heard tell of the mind expanding properties of the Shai-Hulud's First Water?
When the maker is yet a small worm it is of strongest spirit. This may be true on your world as well.
Do this: Prepare your maker of coffee to produce all it can. Then you must drink the cup of First Water it gives up.

The spice must flow. May it run freely in your "software" now too.

I'm in the wrong line of work (1)

mendax (114116) | about a year ago | (#44650931)

I should be eating coffee beans, popping them out, and the looking for them in my shit. It's about as much fun as cleaning my cat's litterbox but far more profitable. There is a Starbucks nearby. Perhaps I could sell it to them. It's gotta be better than the swill they sell.

Re:I'm in the wrong line of work (1)

mjwx (966435) | about a year ago | (#44651625)

I should be eating coffee beans, popping them out, and the looking for them in my shit. It's about as much fun as cleaning my cat's litterbox but far more profitable. There is a Starbucks nearby. Perhaps I could sell it to them. It's gotta be better than the swill they sell.

There in lies the problem.

They have standards to maintain for that swill. They cant sell anything better otherwise people will be expecting them to raise that standard.

I'm dissappointed (5, Insightful)

msobkow (48369) | about a year ago | (#44650941)

Here I thought they were going to discern the quality of coffee, not whether it's been shat by a civet cat. I've no interest in tasting cat-shit coffee at any price.

Now if they'd have come up with a way to quantify the robustness, the body, the acidity, the richness, the roast, and so on for *sane* coffee, I'd have had to read the article. :P

What kind of sick bastard (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650943)

goes digging through an animal's shit, picking out the beans to brew coffee?

There was corn in my shit yesterday, did someone one to pick the kernels out to make popcorn?

Indeed (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651051)

There ain't nothing like the taste of ass in the morning. /s

Re:What kind of sick bastard (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651271)

I remember reading a story of a North Korean escapee who grew up in a prison camp. Picking corn out of shit was indeed something his family had to do to survive. Can't imagine paying a premium for it though.

Re:What kind of sick bastard (1)

KGIII (973947) | about a year ago | (#44651585)

I believe you but seems a little far-fetched. Not the part about picking stuff out of their shit and eating it but the part about a North Korean having had corn to start with is what I find skeptical. If you'd said they were picking grass, tree bark, or burnt rice out of the shit and eating it then I guess I'd be more inclined to believe it without a second thought. ;)

Re:What kind of sick bastard (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651815)

Unlike their neighbors, corn is the primary grain of North Korean. Odd I know considering how most other Asians (including South Korea) primarily consume rice, but corn is cheaper and easier to grow.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2013/04/13/north-korea-factoids/2078831/ [usatoday.com] (Look at number 9)

Don't need ... (4, Insightful)

c0lo (1497653) | about a year ago | (#44650945)

Fortunately, for the time being, I don't need that much sophistication to stay away from coffee shitted by a mamal: the price tag seems to be a good enough indicator.

Mystery (1)

Beryllium Sphere(tm) (193358) | about a year ago | (#44651407)

Someone was the first to try civet cat coffee. How did it occur to him?

Re:Mystery (1)

c0lo (1497653) | about a year ago | (#44651491)

Someone was the first to try civet cat coffee. How did it occur to him?

Paradoxically, seems like at that time the price for normal coffee was too high.
O tempora o mores (but even at that time there was no need for fancy analyses).

easier answer (5, Insightful)

Kohath (38547) | about a year ago | (#44650963)

If you can't tell the difference from the taste, stop paying $300 per kilogram.

Re: easier answer (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651209)

This. In economics, a "parity product" is a commodity that is indistinguishable from similar commodities offered by other merchants, but which custom or advertising declares arbitrarily to be different, generally to increase demand and price. Coffee is a perfect example; if you can't tell the difference between two bags of coffee, and one is biologically processed (shat by an animal) while the other is chemically processed, and worse, if you need a special scientific test to distinguish between them, you are being, in economic parlance, ripped off like the dumb conspicuously-consuming mark that you are.

Even the real stuff is fake. (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44650969)

I was in Indonesia not too long ago and got to try some of this kopi luwak. From what I learned even the "real" stuff isn't really authentic. Most of what is sold is from civets that are raised on farms and force fed coffee beans. Part of the reason this coffee is supposed to be so good is in the wild the civets will only choose to eat the best coffee beans it can find. Force feeding them kind of defeats this and is cruel.

Try the elephant-made coffee then (1)

spazmonkey (920425) | about a year ago | (#44651401)

Its pretty much replacing the Kopi Luwak. Someone figured out that the enzymes in the elephants system perform the same desired chemical changes even more effectively, and due to time spent digesting even more completely, while obviously offering the benefit of a massive increase in possible volume processed. All this, and from domesticated working animals that don't need to be force fed anything, as it is mixed in with their normal feed. Better, more humane, and cheaper too. Where is the downside to that? (Well, other than it coming out of a mammals asshole anyway)

Re:Even the real stuff is fake. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651449)

Never realized that wild animals were such snobs that they would turn down a bean if it would taste wonderful after they shit it out.

Money well spent on that research (5, Interesting)

multiben (1916126) | about a year ago | (#44650995)

If you are paying $15 a cup for coffee then presumably you have super awesome taste buds. So why do you need chemically analyse your coffee to tell if it's the real deal? You're coffee is either worth $15 or it isn't based on what it tastes like.

What a pointless bit of research. Have we now solved so many of the world's important problems that the top of the list is now "make sure hipsters are drinking genuine cat's bum coffee."

Re:Money well spent on that research (1)

viperidaenz (2515578) | about a year ago | (#44651093)

So if Guy B buys 10kg sack of cat crap coffee beans from Guy A, then on sells that to Guy C, how does Guy B know Guy A isn't ripping him off, if he is just a distributor and doesn't care for coffee or the taste of cat crap coffee? He's not going to call on his expert coffee taster to inspect every bag.

Re:Money well spent on that research (1)

multiben (1916126) | about a year ago | (#44651385)

Then Guy B goes out of business for not taking enough interest in the product he sells and being a non-value adding price hiking middle-man.

Re:Money well spent on that research (1)

youngatheart (1922394) | about a year ago | (#44651679)

I'm surprised to see this comment rated so highly.

If you are paying $15 a cup for coffee then presumably you have super awesome taste buds. So why do you need chemically analyse your coffee to tell if it's the real deal? You're coffee is either worth $15 or it isn't based on what it tastes like.

Taste is a very variable thing. If you're trying to train yourself to distinguish different tastes, then you need to try different things to learn what tastes you are capable of recognizing. If you're basing your experience on faulty information, then you're being cheated of your option to learn something. If you are going to try to learn the difference in sushi or wines and you are trying to learn the differences in tastes of different options, being lied to about what you're tasting means you won't be able to tell the difference between different grades of tuna, or different types of dry red wines. As a result, you're robbed of your ability to learn what brings you pleasure and what is worth spending the extra money on.

What a pointless bit of research. Have we now solved so many of the world's important problems that the top of the list is now "make sure hipsters are drinking genuine cat's bum coffee."

If you know absolutely everything that is important to know then you're a terrible person for not sharing your insight into how to solve every world problem. For everyone else, doing research that you are able to do that adds to the sum of human knowledge is valuable. Just because you don't know how to cure cancer yet doesn't mean you shouldn't put effort into finding a malaria cure. Curing world hunger is something we'd all like to know how to do, but if you don't know how to do that, it doesn't mean that there is no value in studying computer science. The best thing to spend money learning about is something where you can hope to find some success in learning something useful. Building a machine that can detect organic compounds may sound useless to you because you don't care about coffee, but good research results may mean that same technology can be applied to better bomb detection or allow computers to do what animals already do and actually detect cancer better. Saying the research shouldn't have money spent on something you don't care about is saying that people shouldn't do what good they're able to actually able to do.

If everybody had the mentality that nothing should be done if it wasn't working toward the big problems, we'd loose all the little great things that contribute to a better world.

But I'm not looking for Bubba-louie brand (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651049)

I'm a developer. I drink at least 3 cups a day (ok, not that much more than 3 a day anymore), but when I was in university, I drank about 9 cups a day before switching to coca cola (mid afternoon). I don't care about bubba-louie brand or whatever. I just don't want crap that tastes like mud. Otherwise, I'm also not interested in $15 per cup either. Way too damn expensive. I need software that can analyse the average brand and tell me if its a half-way worthwhile cup, or slew-water. I understand that is an arbitrary setting, so I should be able to set that setting and then use the software to do a quickie analysis (rather than have me sipping and spitting). If all this does is an analysis of a very high end brand that I'll never touch, then its useless to me (and a majority of coffee drinkers).

"Crappy" (2)

naff89 (716141) | about a year ago | (#44651059)

produced from coffee beans pooped out by the palm civet

Huh, I didn't think the title meant literally crappy.

Slurm!!! (1)

crypto2600 (800176) | about a year ago | (#44651175)

I wonder if this will be on one of those "meet your food" shows

fIp mare (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651395)

theD 7ruitless

crappy coffee? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651413)

Does that means coffee that has been "crapped"?

Oh thank goodness... (2)

cartman (18204) | about a year ago | (#44651437)

Finally, they have a chemical process to verify that the $500/kg coffee is, in fact, Kopi Luwak. Thank goodness! Gone are the days of me paying $500/kg for coffee and not being able to tell if it's Kopi Luwak or just Folger's. I'm a discerning customer with stringent tastes. I want to know if the $500/kg coffee I'm drinking is actually high-quality. I don't want any of that $5/kg shit being passed off as $500/kg coffee, and then I don't notice and get ripped off.

What else can the palm civet "process"? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651499)

Why is it only coffee that people drink out of the palm civet? Have they tried running some tea through it? Maybe send some mints or something through there and see if they improve?

Re:What else can the palm civet "process"? (1)

MadKeithV (102058) | about a year ago | (#44651567)

We tried feeding the cats Bitcoins, but it turned out the coins were already full of crap.

The Best Coffee Is Always a Single Malt (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651501)

1) Don't mix coffee beans.
2) Don't mix Scotch.
3) Civet coffee is a drink of pollution to profane the pretentious.

kopi luwak (1)

shentino (1139071) | about a year ago | (#44651551)

In this case, crappy coffee IS the real thing.

I was able to test kopi luwak a long time ago. (1)

mbstone (457308) | about a year ago | (#44651699)

All I did was recalibrate my bullshit detector.

And now it is obsolete (1)

Askmum (1038780) | about a year ago | (#44651713)

Because in analysing what makes Kopi Luwak real Kopi Luwak they know exactly what to add to reproduce it.

Even better! (1)

NeoMorphy (576507) | about a year ago | (#44651747)

Imagine what it would taste like if it was poop out by Super Models!!!

If someone is willing to pay for coffee beans pooped out by a funny looking rat, then imagine what they would pay for something pooped out by a Super Model, or even a mediocre model. Heck, even a double bagger would be an improvement!

On second thought, let's go back to the Super Model.

The post title (1)

ildon (413912) | about a year ago | (#44651807)

I only just now got the pun. I feel dumb.

A few thoughts on that luwak coffee thing. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651835)

1. The luwaks - some of them are "free range", others are caged and being fed coffee beans exclusively. As important as it is to detect counterfeit coffee and getting what you pay for, I'd be far more interested in distinguishing between caged luwak coffee and free range luwak coffee. I'm not trying to sound like a tree hugging hippy here, but free range luwak supposedly only eat the best, ripest coffee beans by choice, and their more varied diet may impact the taste of the coffee as well.
2. "Artificial" luwak coffee made by treating the beans with acids and enzymes doesn't have the "yuck" factor, but more importantly, potentially allows for coffee that is better than "the real thing". If you doubt it, remember how humans now fly higher, faster and further than any bird they started out by mimicking. I'm not a vegan or vegetarian, but where offering Luwak coffee would be a potential issue, "Magic cat" coffee is not.
3. It only matters if you can tell the difference. If you pay a premium and can't tell the difference, you're just paying for snobbery.

I see it! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#44651837)

What you did there... I see it, you title maestro of journalism..

7.65 cents per bean. (3, Interesting)

InterGuru (50986) | about a year ago | (#44652037)

I counted 102 beans in my coffee scoop. I weighed a scoop at 15 grams which gives 30 scoops to a pound (454 g ). This means there are 3060 beans in a pound. At a price $400/pound civet coffee comes out to 7.65 cents per bean.

I measured Brazilian coffee, not civet. The real number may differ.
.

Load More Comments
Slashdot Login

Need an Account?

Forgot your password?