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The Ultimate Anti-Action Online Game: Waiting In Line 3D

timothy posted about a year ago | from the desert-bus-for-bipeds dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 94

Freshly Exhumed writes "Looking a lot like the venerable Wolfenstein 3D or similar Id action games of the DOS days, the new online game Waiting in Line 3D was released Monday by developer Rajeev Basu, and was played 50,000 times in its first 24 hours of activity... er... inactivity. Is the complete lack of any action a brilliant satire of computer gaming? Is it software-based performance art? Is it silly? Judge for yourself, if you can meet the challenge!" Now's a good time to confess if you spent a major portion of your post-Thanksgiving dinner recovery time camped out in line for some of those Black Friday come-ons.

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Awesome greatness this is not (1)

For a Free Internet (1594621) | about a year ago | (#45560025)

What the funk is this? I prefer MICROSOFT GENUIRNE POWERPOINT.

Re:Awesome greatness this is not (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560279)

Let me guess. You're life is somehow fucked up and to try to unload some of the bad feelings you have, you post these attention-grabbing messages to Slashdot?

Better than BF4 (NT) (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560035)

NT.

Re:Better than BF4 (NT) (3, Funny)

Cryacin (657549) | about a year ago | (#45560177)

I can see people queueing for this game.

Re:Better than BF4 (NT) (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560539)

Look at the bottom of the screen

Created by Rajeev Basu © 1991

How was this just released on monday??

Re:Better than BF4 (NT) (2)

fisted (2295862) | about a year ago | (#45560619)

He probably wanted to make sure it's really, really, done. Well-balanced gameplay and all that.

Re:Better than BF4 (NT) (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45562031)

Well, he beat Duke Nukem Forever...

So it's come to this? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560057)

First

Re:So it's come to this? (1)

faffod (905810) | about a year ago | (#45561549)

Get in line

The concept isn't new .. (3, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560059)

Pippin Barr's "The artist is present" was released years ago - it's a game based on a real-life museum exhibit where you get to.. wait in line to look into Marina Abramovic's eyes.. in full 8-bit-esque glory.

http://kotaku.com/5841304/new-video-game-delivers-the-immersive-realism-of-waiting-5-hours-in-line-at-a-museum [kotaku.com]

EA planning a patent lawsuit ... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560065)

EA are ready to sue the creator of "Waiting in Line 3D".

A spokesman said "It copies key gameplay elements of hit EA titles such as Sim City, where much of the excitement can be derived from queuing endlessly to connect to a server so that they can play. We will rigorously defend our patent, so that our customers can look forward to the unique EA queuing experience in all our future titles."

Re:EA planning a patent lawsuit ... (1)

drinkypoo (153816) | about a year ago | (#45560331)

A spokesman said "It copies key gameplay elements of hit EA titles such as Sim City, where much of the excitement can be derived from queuing endlessly to connect to a server so that they can play.

They must have licensed that tech out to Rockstar for GTA Online. Once I passed level 100 I started getting kicked from about 4 out of 5 jobs I join. It's gotten so bad that some days I spend more time connecting to sessions than actually playing.

Re:EA planning a patent lawsuit ... (0)

g0bshiTe (596213) | about a year ago | (#45560611)

EA my ass Disney is waiting to sue first. Disney reps were quoted as saying "this immersive experience directly mirrors the Disney experience of waiting for things in our parks. We feel it infringes on our models.".

Re:EA planning a patent lawsuit ... (1)

jxander (2605655) | about a year ago | (#45562149)

Poe's Law, in full effect here

"Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing."

I guarantee you, someone at EA could read this and think "That's a great idea. SUE HIS PANTS OFF."

Dumb (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560077)

This is a stupid article about a stupid game.

Re:Dumb (1, Redundant)

nurb432 (527695) | about a year ago | (#45560733)

Yes. That is why it was labeled as funny. You know, 'humor'.

Like Desert Bus... (4, Informative)

marciot (598356) | about a year ago | (#45560093)

Nice, reminds me of the anti-action driving game, Desert Bus

http://desertbus-game.org/ [desertbus-game.org]

Re:Like Desert Bus... (1)

fatphil (181876) | about a year ago | (#45561009)

Desert bus is way more action packed than IdleRPG, and also is a single player game, whereas IdleRPG is massively multi-player.

Unwinnable (1, Funny)

Neo-Rio-101 (700494) | about a year ago | (#45560097)

You may as well punch yourself in the face for real. This just wasted 2 minutes of my life and the line never moved.

Re:Unwinnable (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560143)

I think that is kinda the point.

If you want a real objective to this game, try observing the relationship between the hp regen rate and the sleepy meter. My best time so far is around 5 minutes. It appears as if the following (rough) values are in place:

HP regens about about 1/sec
punch consumes ~11hp
Punch provides approx 20% awake bar
awake bar will diminish by about 25% per 11 seconds

It should be possible to derive what the absolute longest possible time is, given there are absolutely no power ups to extend the slow and painful health to wakefulness mechanic of the game, and thus prolong the shopper's suffering.

Trying to get the longest possible time then becomes a metagaming exercise that has a theoretically attainable goal.

Re: Unwinnable (1)

loufoque (1400831) | about a year ago | (#45560275)

According to your numbers, you can only last for 220 seconds, since you lose 5% hp every 11 seconds. This must be wrong if you managed to last for five minutes (300 seconds)

Re: Unwinnable (1)

loufoque (1400831) | about a year ago | (#45560287)

Sorry, that's 5% of the awake bar. And 220 seconds is to maintain full hp. You could last longer by gradually losing hp, but the amount of total hp is missing.

Re: Unwinnable (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45562383)

HP starts at 100.

Yes, you slowly die from punching yourself to stay awake. As an estimate, you might possibly last 5:30 if you had computer-accurate timing reflexes, just from personal experience playing.

Somebody else may come up with a better strategy than mine though.

Re: Unwinnable (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561627)

iddqd motha fucka!

Re:Unwinnable (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560379)

From my experience, a punch consumes 10-14 hp

Re:Unwinnable (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560523)

The game is implemented in javascript. You can just read the source code of the game to get exact values. For that matter, you could cheat by altering the javascript, or altering the values with a JS debugger like Chrome's. I know that's even more pointless than playing and not cheating, but at least it's not as silly as sitting there trying to calculate that shit for maximum game time.

Re: Unwinnable (1)

Zynder (2773551) | about a year ago | (#45566645)

Well aren't you just a killjoy! Part of the fun was sitting there with a stopwatch and doing an actual experiment to figure out the answer. BUT NOOOOOO, you just had to blurt out the answer and steal all the thunder. Now there is truly no point in playing a game that had no point :(

Re:Unwinnable (1)

floodo1 (246910) | about a year ago | (#45572059)

thanks

Re:Unwinnable (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560153)

You may as well punch yourself in the face for real. This just wasted 2 minutes of my life and the line never moved.

Yes, I know. The realism is absolutely cutting edge.

Re:Unwinnable (1)

cellocgw (617879) | about a year ago | (#45561229)

You may as well punch yourself in the face for real.

Mr. Durden, is that you? I have an idea for a club...

Re:Unwinnable (1)

Christopher McGinnis (2906511) | about a year ago | (#45562015)

Start the game in Chrome, open the developer console, alter the code so that punches to the face don't do any damage, then punch yourself in the face for the next hour.

Re:Unwinnable (1)

roc97007 (608802) | about a year ago | (#45564193)

Kinda like waiting in line to upgrade a 4s for a 5, but not as boring.

No, it's not "computer based performance art" (3, Insightful)

black3d (1648913) | about a year ago | (#45560101)

It's just a joke.

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560161)

It's just a joke.

Yes, and so is half the lineup on MTV, American Idol, and the Kardashians.

In the land of consumer sheep led by capitalist shepherds, mind telling me what the hell is your point?

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (1)

g0bshiTe (596213) | about a year ago | (#45560637)

"mind telling me what the hell is your point?"

EA called the designer, they want to license it for release under the EA banner for Christmas 2013.

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (1)

drinkypoo (153816) | about a year ago | (#45560347)

You're half-right. It's computer-based art. Hey, you might think the message is stupid and shallow, but that doesn't make it not art even if you're right.

It's not performance art, though, it's just art. Playing it is appreciating the art. Coding it was analogue to painting.

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (1)

dingen (958134) | about a year ago | (#45560467)

Hmmm, seems like it was as big week for joke browser games with http://vlambeerclonetycoon.com/ [vlambeerclonetycoon.com] also getting a lot of press. Will this be a thing in 2014?

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560783)

No there must be a hidden meaning to it. Otherwise it would have been posted on /. as news!!!!111

Re:No, it's not "computer based performance art" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561525)

Performance art is often a joke.

Healthcare.gov? (3, Funny)

cervesaebraciator (2352888) | about a year ago | (#45560121)

Looks like it has a more advanced competitor now. But Waiting in Line 3D shouldn't give Healthcare.gov too much problem. We know it'll take years before the sequel, Waiting in Line Forever comes out.

Re:Healthcare.gov? (1)

g0bshiTe (596213) | about a year ago | (#45560641)

Will there be boobs to slap in Waiting in Line Forever to regain health?

Re:Healthcare.gov? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561697)

Waiting Room 3D

Postal 2 (1)

mic0e (2740501) | about a year ago | (#45560133)

There already has been a game about waiting in lines: Postal 2. Though you have a lot more optionshow to deal with the situation.

Re:Postal 2 (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560381)

Pretty much this.

I don't think it is right to call this a game more than one would call Dear Esther [wikipedia.org] a game.
Games gives the player a choice and an ability to change the outcome of the game, even if the outcome means that you have to start over and play again. If it doesn't it would be better to call it interactive fiction.
There are a lot of interesting things about the human psyche one can explore with games. For example we know that people get enjoyment and are willing to spend a lot of time on non-violent games like The Sims. By giving the player more options, for example the option of violence one can provoke interesting reactions.
In that sense Postal 2 is a greater work of art than this garbage.

Re:Postal 2 (1)

cellocgw (617879) | about a year ago | (#45561245)

I don't think it is right to call this a game more than one would call Dear Esther a game.
Games gives the player a choice and an ability to change the outcome of the game, even if the outcome means that you have to start over and play again.

So, what you're saying is, the only way to win is not to play? //rimshot

Re:Postal 2 (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560895)

Convenience stores had lineups to purchase goods. Standing in line, I always worried whether I was in the right spot programmatically for it to count, especially when moving forward with the line, but it all worked out.

At one point, standing in line at the bank is necessary to move the main plot along.

There was a also long lineup for confession, as I recall.

Re:Postal 2 (1)

djnforce9 (1481137) | about a year ago | (#45582575)

Didn't always work out for me. Sometimes the line in Postal 2 would get horrendously jammed up and wouldn't progress until I reloaded my save file (the church was the worst for this since the hallway is so narrow).

Hopefully the mechanics of a moving line is better in this game since that is the primary focus of it.

Finally (3, Informative)

Black LED (1957016) | about a year ago | (#45560163)

A game that beats "Soda Drinker Pro" and "Progress Quest" in pointlessness.

Re:Finally (1)

wbr1 (2538558) | about a year ago | (#45560545)

Are we forgetting enviro-bear 2000? http://www.enviro-bear.com/ [enviro-bear.com]

Re:Finally (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563255)

envirobear isn't pointless, it's fun. Bullshit fartsy artsy games are pointless, and wouldn't exist were not for the fact any retard can make a "game" nowadays.

Moist cookies (2)

tepples (727027) | about a year ago | (#45560695)

With Cookie Clicker and Clicking Bad right behind it.

eh (1)

shentino (1139071) | about a year ago | (#45560165)

Would work better if it wasn't crashing.

Re:eh (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560289)

Maybe you should stop surfing porn sites and infesting your machine with viruses, trojans and other assorted malware. Just a thought.

It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560167)

Just saying, constant handholding isn't exactly action either.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (4, Funny)

ledow (319597) | about a year ago | (#45560201)

Agreed... it's even both to both handhold AND let people explore and still fuck up the game experience by doing so:

Just bought Skyrim because everyone's always on about how great a game it is and I could get it for free by selling some accumulated Steam junk. Should be good enough to play now, given that I bought all the DLC and it's been patched for ages, etc.

My impression of my first gameplay is:

Okay. Let me move around. No seriously. Just let me stand up then. Or do something. Fine. Cutscene. Cutscene. Cutscene. I'll sit here like an idiot as I head towards certain death. (Cue five minutes in the options trying to turn the audio volume up or the subtitles on at least). Ah, great, I can finally move. Oh. All of six feet until then I'm put on the execution block. Fabulous. Cutscene. Cutscene. Miraculous rescue that I played no part in despite sitting behind a guard with three other prisoners who wanted to escape, with the physical ability to strangle him, for the last 10 minutes.

Right, okay, dragon chasing us, let's run. Apart from that guy, apparently. Who just waits while I catch him up. Wonder how long I can wait until he does something. Oh. Forever, apparently. Right fine. Run 100 yards. Wait for him to talk. Run 100 yards. Wait. Run 100 yards. Wait. And now he's behind me and won't move. Fabulous. Fuck it, I'll just wander off. Trip over an arrow. I kid you not. Repeatedly. Can't get off the damn thing. Eventually manage to stand up without falling over. Run to the next bit of the village.

Okay, somehow he's mysteriously caught me up. Right, grabbed a weapon, have a quick fight (which consisted of pressing the mouse button three times), raid the body, chase up a tower. No. Blocked. Wander around for several minutes. Now I have to go back outside, apparently, because so many people were talking I couldn't work it out. Quick fight. Now back into the 100m relay race again.

Into some caves. Two or three fights. Pick up EVERY object known to man while people talk to me like there's nothing wrong with carrying 20 baskets and 15 buckets along with a ton of armour. Finally get weighed down, dump it all on the floor and kit myself up with proper weapons. Lockpick everything in sight and take anything I don't already have. Follow guy who's been waiting patiently and silently for me to catch him up. Kill bear because I'll be fucked if I'm sneaking past something that big (two clicks from a safe distance). Take bear pelt and claws as souvenir. 100m relay for another minute or so, where he gets lost and keeps running backwards and saying things to me while I'm out of earshot (probably important, but nothing I could do about it). Ignore him and carry on regardless. Bang, he teleports in front of me after a while.

Run along road with him. Kill wolf. Ignore everything he says because it's too much chatter to wait for and nothing much else is happening. Accompany him even though he wanted me to split up. A minute later, he's "so glad" we didn't split up. Fabulous. Several miles of the 100m relay again. Get to a town. Sodding tons of people, everyone wants to talk to me. Spend 20 minutes working for a blacksmith while his daughter bugs the crap out of me. End up being rewarded with a worse weapon than I'd just sold him ten minutes before. Cheap bastard. Find the bloke in a house, steal all his food and kill his friend (who got angry when I stole his food). He does nothing, neither does his wife who I slaughtered him in front of (and stole his boots), who just says how terrible it is that he's dead.

  Wander into everyone's homes late at night and they don't say a word. Resist temptation to steal all their furniture (which is apparently quite possible). Try to chat one of the women up but apparently her vocabulary descends into a single line over time. Break into random houses and steal all their food, then sell it to the blacksmith. Find the map, find the big town people keep hinting towards, run in straight line to it (through rivers and over mountains because it's quicker than taking the path).

  End up in a big town. Get arrested for breaking into a woman's house and then I kept talking to her. Guard appears. Suddenly I teleport to a different town. Okay. Carry on with my theft spree. Every single person wants me to do something for them but nobody will tell me where the hell to go and most of them talk over each other. Fine. Go to see the "jarl" who looks like a king. Amazingly can sit in his throne when the guards are there, and steal all his food and furniture too (without comeback - it's not proper "stealing" apparently).

  Wander into an orphan kid, who's wandering the streets at 11pm. Asks me if I can adopt her. Little brat requires me to have a house first. Okay, a simple storyline, I can follow this. Guards keep talking about a house for sale. Speak to every guard in the town (DOZENS) until they eventually get around to talking about who owns the house (which takes dozens of presses until they suddenly have vocabularic amnesia too, and occasionally they'll wander off through a door in the middle of talking to me). Apparently, the guy selling it is "The Steward in The Keep". There is no "keep" on the map. There is no Steward in all the people I met. The only "keep-like" thing is the castle with the king in. It's not him.

  Get bored looking. Steal food. End up in prison cell with a single lockpick (I had 40 before I was arrested, fair enough, but how have I kept only one?). Break the lockpick on the iron grate in the floor. Decide to sleep to "do my time" instead, given no other option. Wake up in the town again. Get bored. Google it. You have to talk to a guy in a certain house (which is NOT a keep, by any standard, and whose name isn't mentioned in game). Do that. He has three conversations, none of them relate to the house. Keep Alt-Tabbing to check what the hell I'm supposed to be doing apart from blacksmithing, thieving and randomly killing characters when I get bored (and get thrown in jail or restart from the last doorway).

  Program crashes on a particular Alt-Tab and never comes back. Now the only reason I haven't deleted it is because I have a ton of disk space.

  I mean... honestly? That's it? I can run off and do a couple of missions, sure, but after 1.7 hours of playing, I can't say that I can be bothered to now. But apparently, I can make food in a little pot over a fire with all my stolen ingredients.

  A bit like Rage, which I just played for free too. Lots of pissing about and crafting and forgetting that, actually, 2 minutes of shooting followed by 10 minutes of wandering about and crafting is NOT a game.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560303)

Keep Alt-Tabbing to check what the hell I'm supposed to be doing apart from blacksmithing, thieving and randomly killing characters when I get bored (and get thrown in jail or restart from the last doorway).

Boy, have you been missing out. You can also pick flowers!

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561055)

Dear God, my heart can't handle it!

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

Janek Kozicki (722688) | about a year ago | (#45560311)

good summary.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560359)

You might try some medication for that. Your play style reads like an individual with the attention span of a hyper child with ADHD. Just play the closest FPS you can get your hands on and shoot random things until you score all the points, man. It's obviously what you want, anyhow.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

ledow (319597) | about a year ago | (#45561197)

Not really. I can pump 200+ hours into a game, easy, and I don't need much in the way of "reward".

Basically, the problem was that I was TRYING to get into the game. But I was so distracted by so many side-missions, skippable crap that wouldn't let me replay it when I skipped it by accident (the guards speaking, etc.), so much "open-world" without actually having any idea what I should be focusing on, and so many things to be careful of in the meantime (stray click when throwing your crap out of your inventory and you bash a guard over the head who was wandering the map and end up in prison).

The time I sat and spent 20 minutes following the tutorials and forging weapons, the guys instructions were constantly talked over (and even subtitles interrupted) by his daughter talking crap. And when I did it, I was rewarded with worse equipment than I'd picked up in the first ten minutes of playing almost half-an-hour before.

Then you have ten options, you choose one, pursue it, and end up with ten more options but no more information on how to pursue them, and go on wild goose chases for an hour trying to do a mission that YOU CAN'T.

There's open-world. There's structured play. And there's just throwing a billion conflicting missions with not enough information into a vast world and calling it a game.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561653)

Except that the missions are not really conflicting. You can stack up all the missions you don't do for later. The Companion quests bug out if you don't do those early, but everything else can wait. Crafting is not for getting uber gear immediately, it's point gathering so that you can make uber things later. Yeah, your studded armor now is better than leather, but you can not get dropped Dragon armor.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45562181)

There's open-world. There's structured play. And there's just throwing a billion conflicting missions with not enough information into a vast world and calling it a game.

This is a desired feature by some. This is a problem for people with psuedo-ADHD that can't keep track or stick to a particular quest line despite wanting to. Additionally a problem with the other end of the spectrum for those that are completionist and want to try to do as much of everything if not everything. Welcome to something closer to real life, where you need to make decisions and sometimes you don't have enough information ahead of time (or you can just go read wiki if that is the only issue). It is fine if you don't like that in a game, as some people want ones where you can come back to everything, etc., but that is your issue and not really the game, especially for a game kind of known for doing that. If people talk about how great a chocolate cake is, being allergic to chocolate or disliking chocolate is not a counterpoint.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (2)

eggstasy (458692) | about a year ago | (#45560417)

It's called suspension of disbelief. If you're utterly unable to suspend disbelief, you might want to check that with a therapist, as it is the basis of all fiction humanity has ever enjoyed from the dawn of time :)

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561133)

It's called suspension of disbelief. If you're utterly unable to suspend disbelief, you might want to check that with a therapist, as it is the basis of all fiction humanity has ever enjoyed from the dawn of time :)

Suspension of disbelief is heavily influenced by many factors. One is adapting the story to have relevance to the audience.

Pretty sure that he was expecting a game, not a story. Personally, I like my stories in books, and if I opened a book and was expected to play 10 minutes of space invaders to get to the next three pages, I would probably put the book down in frustration gained wile trying to determine if the story gripped me.

His entire problem could have been easily solved by skipping cinema scenes, perhaps with an optional outline of the key points if the story line is truly relevant to the game play.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

hbbtstar (1759996) | about a year ago | (#45560503)

Wow, I read this summary and it's amazing how you and I had such completely different experiences. I think combined I've sunk hundreds of hours into the Elder Scrolls series and I still play Skyrim (heck, I still play Daggerfall). Still some of the most amazing open world games I've ever played (besides the Ultimas, of course. I will always hold a fond spot in heart for them)

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

umafuckit (2980809) | about a year ago | (#45560987)

I played Oblivion for a while, but I was disappointed by the voice acting: that really broke the spell for me. I took some time off and then never went back because I couldn't remember what I'd been doing and didn't feel like starting over again. The whole experience just felt like too much commitment; I'd rather just play a Zelda game.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

stenvar (2789879) | about a year ago | (#45560553)

PIKUL: "Free will" is obviously not a big factor in this little world of ours.

GELLER: It's like real life - there's just enough to make it interesting.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

Daniel Hoffmann (2902427) | about a year ago | (#45560915)

You are playing it wrong

But really, I enjoy skyrim. And as far as the intro and first few hours of gameplay go I have seen worse in other RPGs. Although I find odd how the intro in skyrim is actually worse than oblivion, fallout 3 and new vegas. I guess the hardcores just complained too much about the lengthy intros/tutorials and the developers just throw a short intro followed by players getting lost a lot. At least new vegas had an intro town you could skip but if you were a new player you would stick around to learn the basic gameplay.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

Sigma 7 (266129) | about a year ago | (#45560939)

Apparently, the guy selling it is "The Steward in The Keep". There is no "keep" on the map. There is no Steward in all the people I met.

The "keep" is actualy the house the Jarl lives in, including the smaller holds which place the Jarl in a longhouse. However, the steward is sometimes hard to find, being all-over the keep and in places you can't think of (thus you have to find a map, cross off places you can think of, and visit the ones that aren't crossed off.)

But the first impression about gameplay will eventually fade in time, as it's replaced by a new experience when you start a new character:

  • Since you didn't save right after the carriage ride, wait a whole 2+ minutes in the opening cutscene. Create your character and wait an additional 2+ minutes.
  • Run the Helgen obstacle course. Again.
  • As soon as you're cut free, decide it's not worth the 5+ minutes to get the tutorial items, and No-clip to the end of the dungeon (which also takes 5+ minutes.)
  • Realize that, unlike Fallout, you can't make further changes to your character when you start exploring the wilderness. The race you picked is permanent - not that it matters since everyone is cookie-cutter.
  • Learn that someone (finally) did a New Game + mod, or simply added a few shortcuts to make the tutorial less tedious.

All in all, your first experience will change to something that's more typical to an average game.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

Jesus_666 (702802) | about a year ago | (#45561127)

Skyrim in a nutshell:

1. Make your way through a lengthy intro.
2. Wander around aimlessly.
3. At some point, stumble across the main quest.
4. Kill a dragon.
5. Have a chat with the Old Mountain Guys.
6. Wander around aimlessly, looking for dragons you can have pretty damn epic fights with while your over-the-top personal theme plays.
6a. DOVAHKIIN, DOVAHKIIN, NAAL OK ZIN LOS VAHRIIN
7. Realize that you just witnessed a dragon breaking a chunk off a cliff (because you hurt it enough that it flew straight into said cliff) while the sky is filled with a huge aurora and a choir of a hundred men is praising your martial prowess.
7a. DOVAHKIIN, DOVAHKIIN, NAAL OK ZIN LOS VAHRIIN
8. Run around Skyrim dicking around with random people until you run out of interest.

Steps 1 through 3 are tedious and step 5 takes forever but especially steps 6 and 7 make the game worth the time, in my opinion.


And if the dragons get old there's always the mod that replaces al of them with Macho Man Randy Savage.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

Hognoxious (631665) | about a year ago | (#45563115)

It's like a Bennet Haselton article.

Re:It's not different from other modern games (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563539)

Yeah, that game does suck. Try Ni no Kuni, it's a billion times better!

Re:It's not different from other modern games (1)

strikethree (811449) | about a year ago | (#45581473)

What a sad experience. Your userid says you are not a hyperactive kid so I am unsure why you could not immerse yourself into the game. Perhaps you should smoke a bit of weed to slow you down? If it were as bad as you seem to have experienced, then there would not be so many millions of people who deeply enjoyed it.

Better luck next time. Perhaps you should play Team Fortress 2? It seems more suited to your attention span.

Not Anti-Action (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560267)

Since you have to punch yourself in the face to stay awake, it's not an anti-action game. An anti-action game should be winnable by doing nothing at all.

Best score (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560293)

My best was 2:09
Yours?

Re:Best score (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561215)

3:06, but how do you get points in this riveting game?

Wolf3D shader (1)

jones_supa (887896) | about a year ago | (#45560301)

Want to see something cool? Here's something quite close to the Wolfenstein 3D engine implemented in a GPU shader [shadertoy.com] . Obviously you cannot control the game as the GPU has no access to input devices. But the whole thing is calculated on the GPU, running silky smooth.

Browse the whole site of Shadertoy, it's fun stuff. Although in my experience WebGL likes still to explode a lot so it's a matter of luck if you can get the site to work.

Ryon Andrioning (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45560453)

It is an action game and relatively short one - you have punch yourself, otherwise the game is over in under 2 minutes. Waiting in line should be something that takes atleast 3,5 hours and as punchline nothing happens.

Progress Quest (1)

DarkOx (621550) | about a year ago | (#45560605)

Reminds me of progress quest which frankly was much more clever.

http://progressquest.com/ [progressquest.com]

Anyone know how to rebind the keys? (1)

rsilvergun (571051) | about a year ago | (#45560837)

I'm more of a wasd kinda guy.

Fuck black friday (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45561433)

Fuck black friday, fuck consumerism, and fuck waiting in line for hours to buy Things which bring me no real happiness. I hung out with my friends, ate food, drank wine, and laughed.

Real wealth is people that love you.

Online Guide? (5, Funny)

dmomo (256005) | about a year ago | (#45561869)

Is there a standthrough for this available?

Re:Online Guide? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563895)

This is the winning comment.

I quite already (1)

Ogre332 (145645) | about a year ago | (#45561907)

To many people were using bots to hold their place in line.

Ripoff of a classic (1)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45562303)

This is just a new form of the "How bored are you?" game [kfu.com] which is itself as old as many readers here.

Why do I need this ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563059)

... when I have Healthcare.gov?

Why isn't this game available on Steam (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563381)

I'd buy it for all my kids!

Heavy Metal Parking Lot (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a year ago | (#45563595)

This idea was a movie...found in most tour buses in the nineties.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yu7tGN9NCc

Heavy Metal Parking Lot documents heavy metal music fans tailgating in the parking lot outside the Capital Centre (which was demolished in December 2002) in Landover, Maryland, on May 31, 1986, before a Judas Priest concert (with opening act Dokken).

Reputation: By the early 1990s, Heavy Metal Parking Lot had become an underground cult-classic, usually traded on bootleg VHS videotapes. It was reportedly a favorite on the Nirvana tour bus, among many other bands. Due to growing popular demand for the film, music-rights issues were finally sorted out with Judas Priest.

YO DAWG! (1)

FunkyRider (1128099) | about a year ago | (#45570971)

We heard you like waiting in line so we put a waiting in line game on yo phone so you can play waiting in line while you waiting in line!

Nice shopping Site (-1, Flamebait)

tuiandnk (3450401) | about a year ago | (#45571643)

Hello, everybody!!! Are you ready for the Christmas gift? Share a website with you , the good shoping place, the Christmas approaching, click in. ( http://www.sheptrade.com/ [sheptrade.com] ) Believe you will love it. The price is competitive. We accept any form of payment. ( http://www.sheptrade.com/ [sheptrade.com] )
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