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Hacking Charisma

Soulskill posted about 6 months ago | from the check-your-dependencies dept.

Science 242

An anonymous reader writes: "Steve Jobs had it. George Clooney has it. So does Don Draper. Charisma is intangible but powerful: the personality trait that's used to win friends and influence people. Olivia Fox Cabane wasn't born with it. She was a high-school outcast, a socially awkward teenager baffled by the nuance of social interactions. But she was also an analytical thinker. She believes she has reverse engineered the secret of charm, and is so successful that executives now pay her to do the same for them. Cabane's self-help spiel comes with a dose of science. In this article, Teresa Chin examines the science of charisma, and asks why exactly Silicon Valley needs a charisma coach in the first place."

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"hacking charisma" (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591649)

otherwise known as "learning sociopathic manipulation"?

Re:"hacking charisma" (5, Insightful)

fustakrakich (1673220) | about 6 months ago | (#46591831)

In today's world it's a very rewarding trait. The sociopaths are top dogs. Somebody needs to teach how to resist "charisma".

Re:"hacking charisma" (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591895)

Somebody needs to teach how to resist "charisma".

Otherwise known as "critical thinking".

Re:"hacking charisma" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592289)

Definitely this ^.

I am a supervisor at a fairly simple job; answer the phones, take down information in clearly labeled columns, always be polite no matter how much abuse is flung at us, no education requirements beyond High School graduate (security guard, not receptionist). We have 20 people in the department including one in-house IT guy and our manager.

Over the years, I've tried to train so many people that are simply untrainable. They can't understand the simplest concepts, like "In the column labeled Name, on this line labeled for the keys you're getting, print your name. No, that's the wrong line. Both first and last name, please. No, just print. Your signature goes in the next column." This happens all the freaking time. It's ridiculous, and I'd laugh if I didn't have to put them to some semblance of work for the next 12 hours because getting a replacement would take too long and wouldn't guarantee the next person to be any smarter.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592051)

Sociopaths? Really? Because they don't bow and scrape to you and your genius I presume. Who's the sociopath here?

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592057)

It's easy, very easy.
The way she teaches self-manipulation (self-hypnosis) you can train yourself to be honest to yourself and others. Then try to do that more often and don't be afraid to fail. That comes with a price - not everybody will like you, but if they do - they like you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

The problem with today's "leadership" is that it focuses on the personality of the leader versus team's dynamics. To my opinion it should be the other way around.

Re:"hacking charisma" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592339)

Somebody needs to teach how to resist "charisma".

Resisting Influence [lucifereffect.com]

Re:"hacking charisma" (3, Interesting)

jellomizer (103300) | about 6 months ago | (#46592473)

If you need to resist it, you have already failed, as it had already affected you.

In short, we live in a world which people have an increasing voice in the world. This post alone will probably be read in many countries. Most likely this post will last only a few seconds in your memory and go away.

Now resisting charisma will require more work, because we have so much more information static in our lives and really not to many good ways to filter out a nonsense such as an internet post while someone is taking a break from work, vs. some more valuable information.

Now charisma, is by no means perfect it does show that the person really seems to really care about the information they state vs. the normal static. Thus we naturally will give it more attention. Sure this information can be complete B.S. but they have gave it in a way to get your attention. They got your attention you listen to what they said, then you will need to make a decision to accept or reject that idea. a 50/50 shot! However if you lack charisma your views will be ignored and washed away from the static, and there is no decision to accept or reject that information because it never got your attention.

Re:"hacking charisma" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591873)

Sociopaths get to the point faster than the author did.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

jythie (914043) | about 6 months ago | (#46592697)

Not really. A sociopath can have charisma, or they can not. There are just as many sociopaths with good social skills as good math skills, which means there are also quite a few who have bad social skills and EQs.

Re:"hacking charisma" (4, Interesting)

VorpalRodent (964940) | about 6 months ago | (#46591875)

You joke, but that was my first thought when I read this gem about 2/3's of the way down:

Her executives are tutored in techniques like “responsibility transfer” [...] and “rewriting reality,” which involves undoing the anguish of a painful experience by coming up with alternative scenarios that transform the event from distressing to excusable.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

khallow (566160) | about 6 months ago | (#46591943)

I think more it's an aspect of that peculiar ecosystem. Parasites that prey on parasites.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592647)

Big fleas have little fleas,
Upon their backs to bite 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas,
and so, ad infinitum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Siphonaptera

Re:"hacking charisma" (2)

DNS-and-BIND (461968) | about 6 months ago | (#46592069)

If you want to go through the rest of your life unarmed in a socially violent world, go right ahead. The smart people will be learning charisma, and you'll be wondering why they get ahead.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

Nephandus (2953269) | about 6 months ago | (#46592243)

Not necessarily smart, just sleazy.

Re:"hacking charisma" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592441)

Just because you've chosen to be a victim to your own bias doesn't mean everyone else has to. What you say says more about you than it does them.
 
Just remember that at the end of the day these people are happy and leading lives that they enjoy while people like you are left mumbling in anger as you cry yourself to sleep.

Re:"hacking charisma" (4, Insightful)

MillerHighLife21 (876240) | about 6 months ago | (#46592139)

It's not complete BS, but I think it's more learned by observation than taught. I was very socially awkward growing up but I also just sat back and observed people. When I got to college I made a point to modify some of my habits around people based on those observations and my college experience was a whole lot better than my high school experience. The short of it was that I just realized what type of things that I was doing that made people react badly and stopped them. It also didn't hurt that I lost 40 lbs, worked out every day, got contacts and got rid of my braces.

Seriously though, the #1 thing that I learned to do was just stop talking so much. I geek out with programmers on programming stuff. People run away when you do that in other settings.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

jythie (914043) | about 6 months ago | (#46592723)

Some people learn by observation, some benefit from training. It is kinda like programming or math, some people will pick it up on their own and other people work best when they have a structured class to explicitly introduce elements in context of each other. Some people even need tutoring that focuses on specific areas they struggle with.

Re:"hacking charisma" (1)

jellomizer (103300) | about 6 months ago | (#46592409)

Well yes, almost every action does have a negative connotation to it. Thank you for pointing that one out. You must feel proud that you can use your vocabulary to twist a story to attempt to be positive to make it seem negative.

Re:"hacking charisma" (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592423)

otherwise known as "learning sociopathic manipulation"?

You may want to consider seeking her out. You seem to fit the profile....

Re:"hacking charisma" (2)

gl4ss (559668) | about 6 months ago | (#46592467)

just read con man guidebooks.

I would think silicon valley has plenty of coaches for that shit.

Yes, be very careful with that (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592833)

If you're not a "natural" (a person who has always invested most of their brainpower in appearances and social status), studied charisma will make you look like a sociopath. I'm wary of smilers and jovial people, and if I sense someone is doing it for popularity, I will lose a lot of trust in that person.

Weight the dice rolls (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591669)

We'd always let players roll four six-sided dice and throw away the lowest. It'd give them a slightly higher charisma - or strength, or wisdom, or intelligence for that matter. OK, not really fair - but it made them feel a bit special... and they kinda needed that.

cool (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591701)

If you need to read a book to tell you how to be cool, you're not.

Re:cool (2)

Charliemopps (1157495) | about 6 months ago | (#46591957)

I'm cool. The problem is, the general public is just too God damned stupid to notice. Reading a book that tells me how to dumb down my interactions with the majority of the idiots that surround me so they can understand what I'm talking about doesn't make me any less cool. Did learning English make Antonio Banderas less cool? No. It just made stupid Americans capable of understanding just how cool he is.

Re:cool (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592343)

If you need to read a book to tell you how to do X, you don't know how to do X.
Thank you Captain Obvious.

Re:cool (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592477)

It doesn't matter if you are cool. It only matters is other think you're cool.

Captcha is 'truthful'.

Re:cool (1)

jythie (914043) | about 6 months ago | (#46592737)

Meh, not everyone is satisfied to simply accept their lot in life and thus *gasp* actually want to improve.

Here's the key phrase (5, Insightful)

korbulon (2792438) | about 6 months ago | (#46591705)

"[Olivia Fox Cabane] is so successful that executives now pay her to do the same for them."

Ever been to an offsite while working for a large company? And did they have an invited speaker who basically talked a lot of entertaining bullshit, which was nonethelss bullshit? Ever wondered how that speaker managed to con a bunch of supposedly savvy and high-powered executives to get the gig? Me neither. Then again, management consultancy still continues to thrive as an industry and I still don't know what they really do.

It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing...

Re:Here's the key phrase (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591727)

The moment I realised that most people in this world are winging it, and don't know what the hell they're doing, that's the moment I knew I had grown up.

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591759)

If you think one singular moment where you had a good idea caused you to "grow up," you still haven't grown up. Now get off my lawn.

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591817)

That's not what he said. He said that was the moment that he *realized* he had grown up.

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592073)

False, if you care about the concept of growing up you haven't.

Re:Here's the key phrase (5, Funny)

NotDrWho (3543773) | about 6 months ago | (#46591849)

The old Socratic rift: "Intelligence is realizing that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Wisdom is realizing that neither does anyone else."

Re:Here's the key phrase (5, Insightful)

csnydermvpsoft (596111) | about 6 months ago | (#46592009)

I'd turn that around: "Intelligence is realizing that nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about. Wisdom is realizing that you don't, either."

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592101)

And this is why social engineering tends to be prettty successful.

Re:Here's the key phrase (2)

arth1 (260657) | about 6 months ago | (#46591745)

It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing...

Oh, they have a good idea. They know they're smiling figureheads. They've shown teeth all their life, but before landing the top position, the teeth were used on those safe to bite. Now the blood has been brushed off, and they smile warmly while watching their backs.

Re:Here's the key phrase (2)

L4t3r4lu5 (1216702) | about 6 months ago | (#46591753)

From what I can fathom, they sell the ideas of CxO's for whom they have consulted to the CxO's of other companies. The more companies you consult for, the bigger your war chest of good CxO ideas.

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

daem0n1x (748565) | about 6 months ago | (#46591779)

Ever wondered how that speaker managed to con a bunch of supposedly savvy and high-powered executives to get the gig?

Maybe she gives head like a porn star.

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

Mikkeles (698461) | about 6 months ago | (#46591841)

You mean: she stares at the camera?

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

daem0n1x (748565) | about 6 months ago | (#46591901)

You've been watching pretty cheap movies lately, haven't you?

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591919)

So cheap they're free.

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591789)

Ever wondered how that speaker managed to con a bunch of supposedly savvy and high-powered executives to get the gig?

Dude, it's called "Charisma". Olivia Fox Cabane has it in spades and can tell your company all about it.

Re:Here's the key phrase (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591819)

It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing...

Why can't we just replace them with some well written code?

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591915)

That code [mozilla.org] already exists.

Re:Here's the key phrase (4, Insightful)

NotDrWho (3543773) | about 6 months ago | (#46591839)

Ever wondered how that speaker managed to con a bunch of supposedly savvy and high-powered executives to get the gig?

Speakers like that prey on clueless managers that have nothing tangible to contribute to what the company is actually doing, but want to LOOK like they're providing valuable leadership in exchange for their overinflated salaries. It's a symbiotic relationship of bullshit. The speaker pretends they're offering valuable advice, and the manager(s) pretend that their brilliant idea of bringing the speaker in is going to somehow help the company. Meanwhile the real brains behind the company lose a day of productivity listening to a bunch of useless, vacuous crap.

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591905)

Take a random group of 20 engineers. Convince them that they should devote their existence for the next 18 months to project X. Not just 9-5 work, really get them fired up and excited and working together for a common cause. You want to get people to give that extra effort that only comes when people are truly committed to a cause. A cause that perhaps none of them had even heard of or care one whit about prior to getting started. Keep the team organized, keep track of individual and group progress, make sure milestones are met, and that the resources everyone requires to operate effectively are available on time. Absorb feedback and continuously refine the process, and perhaps even your overall objective if need be. Keep your own superiors engaged and interested in the work your group is doing, and solicit their support and whatever other backing is required to make the whole project possible. There are enough experts involved here that there is no way you will possibly be able to really understand the details of what everyone is actually doing.

"It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing..."

That's tells me right there that you wouldn't be up to the job. You clearly presume that it is possible to be the person who "knows what they are doing". That the important bit is to be the biggest baddest expert about project X. No. You are not the expert. The people on your team are the experts. You are not the big bad dictator, you are the director of the orchestra. You just wave a little wand around. It might /look/ like nothing, but you are keeping all the people who are actually playing music synchronized.

Re:Here's the key phrase (2)

ThatsDrDangerToYou (3480047) | about 6 months ago | (#46592275)

Also, bring donuts.

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

rioki (1328185) | about 6 months ago | (#46592331)

It might /look/ like nothing, but you are keeping all the people who are actually playing music synchronized.

Except I have never seen a manager that can keep the timing required for the orchestra to not get out of sync. When GP said:

It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing...

I know exactly what he meant. There way to many companies, especially big ones, where individual contribution/vision/whatever of managers is scant to none.

Re:Here's the key phrase (1)

swb (14022) | about 6 months ago | (#46592891)

I think part of it may be the sports metaphor, where they believe that the coaching enabled one team (perhaps even quantitatively less talented) to beat another team. The speaker represents the inspirational coach.

Part of it may be the "big idea". Management has latched onto a "big idea" that they believe is transformative, the speaker is uniquely capable of quickly delivering this idea to the workforce.

Part of it may just be that's what you do at offsites, have some speaker come out and provide business-oriented entertainment.

exactly (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592919)

It's almost as if most executives have no fucking idea what they're doing...

and this is why we have to keep them busy with charisma workshops so they don't destroy everything. It's the same principle as kindergarten.

UGh (4, Insightful)

period3 (94751) | about 6 months ago | (#46591707)

I'm halfway through the article but so far all I've read is "blah blah blah". Atrocious website that requires a cut-and-paste into a word processor to make the narrow article even readable, and as utterly devoid of content as the reader's digest article I read at the dentist.

Honestly do editors even try to read these submissions?

Re:UGh (5, Informative)

fustakrakich (1673220) | about 6 months ago | (#46591863)

Honestly do editors even try to read these submissions?

No, they pick popular headlines and post them. This is an advertising site now. If you don't believe me, look at what has happened to the journal section. Spam ratio is over 500 to 1.

Re:UGh (3, Insightful)

jones_supa (887896) | about 6 months ago | (#46591967)

What is also interesting is that the Slashdot Q&A section skips answers occasionally. For example, do you still remember the Richard Stallman [slashdot.org] and Theo de Raadt [slashdot.org] question sessions from some weeks ago? Where are the answers?

If you keep an eye on the Q&A section, it's not that unusual for the answers to disappear.

Steve Jobs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591715)

Really? I always found Jobs to be extremely creepy. Surely I can't be alone in this?

Re:Steve Jobs? (1)

jones_supa (887896) | about 6 months ago | (#46591793)

In what way creepy?

Re:Steve Jobs? (1)

Nephandus (2953269) | about 6 months ago | (#46592347)

Could not speak intelligibly, just sloganese. Was emotionally blank when not stewing in his own bloated ego. Was creepy how people didn't notice and responded positively to it. Reminded me of a shrink I got sent to once, which was ironic as fuck all. Worse since he was the group therapy guy... Outright called him on it when he described intimacy "skills" clearly as mere posturing, and he asks me whether I don't lie too as if that didn't utterly preclude intimacy. Jobs did much the same. Acted as an expert in what he knew nothing about without any sense of inaccuracy. Full psycho mode juxtaposed with his actually competent partner(s). Imagining people immanently deferring to him over them is Stepford level creepy.

Re:Steve Jobs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592349)

He sounded like a mattress salesman that really wanted you to know just how much he'd love to try it out with you. So you can really feel the quality.

Re:Steve Jobs? (1)

jythie (914043) | about 6 months ago | (#46592765)

That is actually pretty common. People tend to forget that charisma and body language are social skills calibrated to certain cultures and subcultures. For any given charismatic person you will find people that are drawn to them and people who find them creepy, depending on how well their particular dialects match up. Unlike spoken language where you can quickly identify there is an accent, with body language and such you are just left with an unsettling 'something feels off' sensation.

Charlatan (3, Insightful)

rumpledoll (716472) | about 6 months ago | (#46591717)

Much like the psychic who never seems to be able to hit the lottery numbers and become wealthy, Olivia appears to have none of the qualities of which she purports to teach, besides being a charlatan that appeals to the pointy haired bosses of the world looking for that silver bullet.

Re:Charlatan (1)

JaredOfEuropa (526365) | about 6 months ago | (#46592163)

a charlatan that appeals to the pointy haired bosses of the world looking for that silver bullet.

Spot on. Managers need (or are expected to have) a wide range of ever changing skills and traits, and if you claim that you can fill a gap or two, you'll have an easy sale. They are suckers for magic bullets. Just look at the staggering amount of management books available, not the "hard" ones on project management or business administration, but the soft ones. 7 Habits, The Art of War For Business, all with tiny nuggets of wisdom fluffed up and packaged in a bunch of crap. (I've read my share...). Hey, and everyone would like to be charismatic, so I can well believe this lady has plenty of clients.

Pro tip: since this lady has charisma covered, focus on other buzzwords to give seminars on. "Authentic leadership" seems to be popular lately... leaders are trying so hard to be authentic that almost by definition they achieve the exact opposite. But my 2 day seminar will help you to let your inner authentic self blossom forth, and I've a book on that as well. Order your copy today!

More power to her, but... (3, Insightful)

rmdingler (1955220) | about 6 months ago | (#46591719)

Charisma is merely the equivalent of a Doctorate in social interaction.

Everyone isn't ideally suited for it, just like other specialty degrees.

And sociopaths generally excel in this vocation.

Only one person in your company needs charisma (1)

GoodNewsJimDotCom (2244874) | about 6 months ago | (#46591731)

The charisma person can negotiate deals and contracts. The rest of the company can be min maxed for their primary statistic for optimal productivity.

Re:Only one person in your company needs charisma (1)

AtariEric (571910) | about 6 months ago | (#46592255)

Except you'll never work in that company if you can't sell yourself. If you are not a charismatic god, you are homeless.

As I will be, because I can't be perfect enough for hiring managers...

Oxymoronically (1)

Sla$hPot (1189603) | about 6 months ago | (#46591781)

A scientific way to charm? How about charming your way to science? Sounds strange, from top to bottom. Don't know what's up and down after reading this.

Ob. (3, Funny)

grub (11606) | about 6 months ago | (#46591785)


Hitler had charisma in spades. He loved dogs and even had a girlfriend.
People always forget about the good things he did.

Re:Ob. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592393)

Hitler had charisma in spades. He loved dogs and even had a girlfriend.
People always forget about the good things he did.

People always forget about the good thing everyone did.

If you want to be remembered for something at all you have to do it in a way that is noteworthy. If you do something significantly good but some common mistake then no-one will remember the bad. If you do some noteworthy bad stuff and some common good stuff then no-one will remember the good.

If everyone tries to kill all Jews all the time eventually people won't notice.

Olympic (4, Funny)

rossdee (243626) | about 6 months ago | (#46591797)

Mark Todd had a horse called Charisma, he won gold at the Olympics equestrian

Re:Olympic (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591887)

My half-elven warrior mage princess had a Charisma of 18, a +3 Ring of Hotness, and a +2 Cloak of Babeitude.

I had no idea how to play her.

Finding real charisma. (1)

geekmux (1040042) | about 6 months ago | (#46591823)

"Steve Jobs had it. George Clooney has it. So does Don Draper...

Don Draper? OK, if we're going to demonstrate real charisma, perhaps we should step the hell away from fictional characters from the 1960s.

Then again, Hollywood or Corporate America hasn't been known for its genuine honesty either. Steve Jobs I also hear was a fantastic asshole, although I suppose that garners its own type of "friends" too.

Bah! (4, Interesting)

jones_supa (887896) | about 6 months ago | (#46591837)

I want more honest, nerdy and deeply technical guys. Types like Tim Sweeney [youtube.com] . We have enough superficial bullshit-speakers already.

Re:Bah! (1)

AtariEric (571910) | about 6 months ago | (#46591991)

Are you hiring? I'm rigorously honest and technically skilled...

Re:Bah! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592199)

source code please.

Re:Bah! (1)

AtariEric (571910) | about 6 months ago | (#46592261)

All of it's under NDA.

Charisma is scary in politicians (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591857)

Look what it can get us: utter failure at the level of the President because to get to be President, you have to:

1. Pander to your base
2. Have good enough charisma to peel off just a bit of the other guy's base.

Bah (3, Funny)

cmdr_klarg (629569) | about 6 months ago | (#46591897)

Charisma is a dump stat...

an old idea... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591909)

So, uh, now that using PUA techniques for something other than conquest is cool now?

Re:an old idea... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591985)

+1 Funny

BI == BS returns true (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46591927)

Charisma! Synergy! Leadership! If I use enough of these big words, the nerds will love it, right?

She discovered nothing.... (4, Insightful)

Lumpy (12016) | about 6 months ago | (#46592033)

It has been known for decades and the single book that is the bible in such things has been out forever now..

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-... [amazon.com]

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

She may have came up with a better presentation, but it's the exact same thing.

Re:She discovered nothing.... (1)

AtariEric (571910) | about 6 months ago | (#46592273)

To me, it is a list of what to do, but not how to do it. Maybe she figured out the how...

Re:She discovered nothing.... (1)

Lumpy (12016) | about 6 months ago | (#46592323)

It does tell you how to do it, there are several examples in the book of how to do every single thing he talks about.
This is one of the books I read every 2 years, well actually I listen to the audiobook every 2 years as a refresher.

From reading what material she has online, it is no different at all to what is in the book, except with a lot of added corporate speak and some things changed to make it look "fresh".

Re:She discovered nothing.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592523)

I read it. Everything in it is true. But the actual predicate about how to win friends and influence people from the book is to actually care about them.

I don't much care for people. Why do you think I went into engineering instead of sales? Therefore, the only way to use the book is to fake caring about people. And I won't fake it.

But other whores will.

Re:She discovered nothing.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592603)

So people are whores for treating people like they're people even if they're not concerned about the individual? For all the talk about people being sociopaths and such it seems more and more like the real sociopaths are people who can't "live and let live" just for the sake of not being a total asshole.

Re:She discovered nothing.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592649)

Rederrivation fits better really - she discovered that which was already known.

Funny thing (2, Interesting)

DNS-and-BIND (461968) | about 6 months ago | (#46592107)

Isn't it odd when "learned charisma" like this is presented as fact as long as it is used for business purposes, but when the exact same techniques are used by dorky men to get girls, this "learned charisma" is decried as false and a total lie. The things that make you go hmm...

tldr (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592209)

is there a summary of any actual content in te article?

George Clooney says... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592213)

I'm a Dapper Dan man, goddamnit!

So how do you deal with sociopaths? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592229)

We need a guide.

Why is everyone being so negative in here? (5, Insightful)

HnT (306652) | about 6 months ago | (#46592233)

Let's not focus on the website layout, the unnecessarily long article, her looks or what you might think you know about "sociopaths" and all managers clearly being manipulative swindlers.
She is not teaching people to "mind fuck" others, she is not some "NLP" pushing sociopath. Essentially she is offering a pragmatic approach to overcoming your own anxieties or to calm down a competitive temper. She helps to make certain situations more pleasant for the client and is not pushing tools how to "one-up" conversation partners.
So she suggests meditation and a mental exercise of focusing on a relaxing situation (the puppy, or kayaking) and she successfully sells that to some people? Well, good for her! You might think there is little information or "skill" there and you might be right, the point is it can still be damn hard to make a transformation of habits and ways you might have had for a long time and what a good coach does is help you along the way.

I really do not understand the negative responses in here. Yes her message might be pretty simple and "duh!" but at least she has some interesting connections to scientific theories and like I said above, transformations like that are not only about identifying and then "simply" fixing what's wrong.

I would much rather be coached by someone like her instead of some bullshit NLP training where you are taught how to mind-fuck your victim into scratching his left ear with his right hand, literally.

Re:Why is everyone being so negative in here? (2)

Zatchmort (1091857) | about 6 months ago | (#46592565)

Exactly. Wow, Slashdot unimpressed by an article about management and social skills? In other news, sources close to the Pope say he may be Catholic...

It looks like most of what she's teaching is pretty straightforward stuff - stand up straight, look people in the eye, and think about something calming before a big meeting or presentation so you're less nervous. Also, most people don't appreciate being interrupted unless they've specifically signed up for it (and maybe not even then). It's not "mind control", it's just how to be polite and assertive at the same time. A few years ago, I realized that the reason they're called "social SKILLS" is because they can be learned, and my personal and professional lives have both skyrocketed.

The fact of the matter is, if more tech folks looked at dealing with people as a (solvable!) challenge, we'd have more technical ideas being listened to. Instead, they say "it doesn't come naturally to me, so it must not be worth learning at all" and management is dominated by clueless BS artists, reinforcing the stereotype of the socially clueless engineer and the technically clueless boss. Doesn't the alternative (engineers who've put in the work to learn how to deal with people) sound better?

Re:Why is everyone being so negative in here? (1)

PPalmgren (1009823) | about 6 months ago | (#46592951)

Its a social coping mechanism. The first thing someone whose insecure about anything does is seek confirmation from others through voicing their opinion. The second thing they do is try to rationalize it away or dehumanize it. The behavior shows up everywhere.

STEM fields are inherently introverted, fields of the mind that require a person to be comfortable with working on hard problems for long periods of time. We cooperate to combine and organize results and requirements, not cooperate as a definition of the job. A person working on endeavors of the mind doesn't get practice with social interaction like someone in sales or politics would. If you don't work on it, you don't get better at it. Then we see those successful socialites without being able to quantify why they earned any of it because their skills don't have hard measurements for results, and try to devalue their work as 'mundane' or 'easy' simply so we feel better about our lack of those qualities.

Its a perpetual state of denial rooted in insecurity and a lack of humility to admit one's own deficiencies or faults.

Why do you need to be a "good guy"? (1)

HockeyPuck (141947) | about 6 months ago | (#46592513)

who cares, if you've got an idea and a way of making people rich, who the F cares.

Silicon Valley is full of assh*les...

Jobs.
Ellison.
McNeely.
Jayshree Ullal (CEO of Arista)
Zuckerberg
Sergey Brinn (cheated on wife)

These people lead companies and make people filthy rich. Why do they need a lesson from Miss Manners?

Silicon Valley is based on the premise of making investors huge sums of money, plain and simple. I don't mean the people investing on the NASDAQ, but those that work on Sand Hill Blvd. That is the Real Silicon Valley. Take a look at what Marc Andreesen [wikipedia.org] has done since he sold Netscape. IPO and sold company after company for billions of dollars.

The people on the outside complain. Well you know, not having charisma like George Clooney works perfectly fine here. There's plenty of 80hr/wk engineers in the world that would have jumped at the chance to work at FB, Google, Oracle and their 'lack of charisma' CEOs pre-IPO.

Re:Why do you need to be a "good guy"? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592547)

Well I agree most on the list just a-holes, but Jobs could sell ice to the Eskimos. Many of the a-holes in the world have a lot of charisma too.

Big Bang Theory (1)

KatchooNJ (173554) | about 6 months ago | (#46592681)

Didn't this not work for Sheldon?

Re:Big Bang Theory (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592719)

BBT sucks and the fans of BBT are low life wanna-bes.

Charisma? ALL I NEED are facts... apk (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592837)

Especially on hosts giving users great benefits in added speed, security, reliability, + anonymity...

Proof?

Ok - that's the REALLY simple part!

(Especially when my 'naysayer/detractor' ac trolls do their usual "Run, Forrest: RUN!!!" -> http://hardware.slashdot.org/c... [slashdot.org] vs. 17 points enumerated @ the program's download link site...)

* :)

(Charisma? Yea, "ok"... personally, I find the use of undeniable proofs & facts that can't be disputed to be FAR more effective - & "proof's in the pudding" in the link above!)

APK

P.S.=> Undeniable + UNBEATABLE facts ALWAYS make trolls run (often "eating their words" IF/WHEN they don't outright evade that challenge here) -> http://hardware.slashdot.org/c... [slashdot.org]

... apk

crappy writing (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46592935)

The author needs a writing hacker. That was like searching for peanuts in shit.

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