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China Using Troop of Trained Monkeys To Guard Air Base

samzenpus posted about 6 months ago | from the I-waana-guard-like-you-hoo-hoo dept.

China 119

samzenpus (5) writes "No, they don't have guns and they don't ride on top of drones. Instead the small troop of macaques have been trained to guard air bases from birds who often get caught in aircraft engines. Government sources say the monkeys have proven more effective than netting, scarecrows, firecrackers and soldiers with live ammunition in dealing with birds. From the article: 'The macaques are trained to respond to precise whistle commands from their handlers, according to the Chinese military, leaping into action, clambering up trees to destroy nests and scare away birds, according to an account on China's Air Force News Web site on Sunday. The particular air force base employing the monkeys was left unidentified, described simply as being in the Beijing military zone. Base commanders in the account said the monkeys have destroyed more than 180 nests, at a pace of six to eight nests per monkey per day.'"

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please, don't call them monkeys (4, Funny)

TheGratefulNet (143330) | about 6 months ago | (#46946043)

they are 'evolutionarily challenged', that's all.

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946407)

but they look so intelligent [metro.co.uk] ...

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (2, Informative)

Firethorn (177587) | about 6 months ago | (#46946409)

Huh? They've undergone just as much evolution as we have, just in a different path.

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (1)

Opportunist (166417) | about 6 months ago | (#46946505)

In my country, they call them "soldiers", but who am I to judge others...

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (2)

cheater512 (783349) | about 6 months ago | (#46946517)

In my country we have a relatively small military so most of the monkeys miss out.

As a fall back they become politicians.

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946755)

In the USA we make 'em president. Two in a row and counting.

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46949651)

Most politically correct statement of the week award +1

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (2)

K. S. Kyosuke (729550) | about 6 months ago | (#46947125)

they are 'evolutionarily challenged', that's all.

I thought that one referred to creationists? Although I can see how these two groups would be easy to mix up.

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947741)

K. S. Kyosuke ya bigmouth: Yer bein called out (why ya runnin "forrest"?) http://slashdot.org/comments.p... [slashdot.org]

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (2)

Carewolf (581105) | about 6 months ago | (#46947151)

I thought trained monkeys were the military term for post bootcamp recruits?

Re:please, don't call them monkeys (1)

nospam007 (722110) | about 6 months ago | (#46947433)

Oooook!

Re: please, don't call them monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947511)

someplace somewhere they are putting a merkin outof jerb

Someone has to be first to say... (3, Informative)

Kittenman (971447) | about 6 months ago | (#46946051)

I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlords.

Re:Someone has to be first to say... (4, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | about 6 months ago | (#46946227)

personally, I'm tired of Congress.

Re:Someone has to be first to say... (2)

pitchpipe (708843) | about 6 months ago | (#46946787)

I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlords.

Didn't we already get rid of that guy [reactionface.info] ?

Re:Someone has to be first to say... (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946855)

At least they're not putting freaking lasers on them.

but but... (5, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | about 6 months ago | (#46946061)

Does this mean the Typing Shakespeare project is on hold?

Re:but but... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947551)

Don't worry, there's still an infinite number of monkeys typing Shakespeare even though they took a few for this project.

Re:but but... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947911)

Until they launch their new funding model, mining peanutcoins.

Replace the entire population of China... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946065)

with trained monkeys. That way we won't have to worry about human rights abuses.

Birdpocalypse (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946075)

I wonder if they have opportunities to teach these behaviors to wild monkeys who will someday destroy all the bird nests in China.

Re:Birdpocalypse (4, Funny)

NoMaster (142776) | about 6 months ago | (#46946477)

I wonder if they have opportunities to teach these behaviors to wild monkeys who will someday destroy all the bird nests in China.

"No soup for you!"

Re:Birdpocalypse (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46948245)

Sounds like a good idea for a fiction novel, or comic book. Chinese military trains monkeys to destroys nests when they hear a whistle, and rewards them after destruction of said nests. One of these monkeys gets kicked out of its social group, and becomes a vagrant monkey messiah, preaching about the rewards of destroying birds nest when you hear a whistle. Then let's assume there is some bird whose call sounds like a whistle. This bird and the monkeys enter a weird pointless enemy relationship. Eventually stabilizing with the birds evolving to building fake booby trapped nests, and the monkeys being hyper intelligent trap detectors, as the mating process for the monkeys has evolved into requiring a demonstration of real nest destroying prowess in order to impress a mate. Our story unfolds with a young heroic monkey with a big plan to destroy the most sought after but well defended nest of all. A nest built on top of the up stretched arm of Lady Liberty, who has long since become buried neck deep in sand... I kind of got off track there. What I meant to say was that it could be interesting to look into using that non-lethal "heat-sensation" beam that was developed and marketed for use in crowd dispersal, as a front facing aircraft mounted bird deterrent. And it'd be good for the US to be selling something to the Chinese.

Re:Birdpocalypse (1)

Zordak (123132) | about 6 months ago | (#46950257)

Or you could just read Crichton's Congo [wikipedia.org] . Belligerent monkeys? Check. Belligerent monkeys are (spoiler) descended from human-trained belligerent monkeys? Check. Lasers? Check. Bad film adaptation with funny riffing [film.com] by film critic? Check.

Re:Birdpocalypse (1)

Jmc23 (2353706) | about 6 months ago | (#46946905)

You only have to worry about that if they learn to whistle, or if the birds whistle sounds like the order to attack.

Re:Birdpocalypse (2)

Bobtree (105901) | about 6 months ago | (#46948463)

China once did something similar, and it lead to ecological disaster and mass starvation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F... [wikipedia.org]

Re:Birdpocalypse (1)

swv3752 (187722) | about 6 months ago | (#46950037)

I am surprised they haven't used dogs. It worked well for airports in Florida: http://news.google.com/newspap... [google.com]

Most Disappointing Sentence in /. History (4, Funny)

wisnoskij (1206448) | about 6 months ago | (#46946087)

"they don't have guns and they don't ride on top of drones"

Re:Most Disappointing Sentence in /. History (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947365)

"they don't have guns and they don't ride on top of drones"

Yes, and now that the image is in my head, I must see it happen!

180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (3, Insightful)

f_head (819049) | about 6 months ago | (#46946101)

If they have one monkey doing this at 6 nests/monkey/day, they have been doing this for 30 days. With 10 monkeys they've been doing this for 3 days. The numbers don't add up...

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (5, Funny)

gandhi_2 (1108023) | about 6 months ago | (#46946125)

You haven't read The Mythical Monkey Month have you?

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (3, Funny)

K. S. Kyosuke (729550) | about 6 months ago | (#46947139)

Did you really have to pull International Bonobos and Macaques into this?

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947777)

K. S. Kyosuke ya bigmouth: Yer bein called out (why ya runnin "forrest"?) http://slashdot.org/comments.p... [slashdot.org]

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946577)

Trained monkey actuaries too.

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (4, Funny)

Jmc23 (2353706) | about 6 months ago | (#46946921)

ah, you didn't hear about the union they started on the second day then? Extra smoke breaks and safety features like having two spotters for each monkey that climbs a tree really cuts into productivity.

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947091)

Communist math. Same logic where Putin explained 85% of Crimea voted and 97% were in favor of whatever he wanted, when at the same time he had over 50% of the region holed up in their houses under gunpoint...

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (4, Funny)

upuv (1201447) | about 6 months ago | (#46947475)

You forgot that from the total number of monkeys you must subtract those monkeys involved in:
HR
Project Management
Engineering
Catering
Procurement

Once we do this it's clear that the actual number of Monkey's involved far exceeds those quoted. The Chinese are clearly fudging the numbers to make the project appear to be viable.

Re:180 nests gone, at 6 nests/monkey/day? really? (1)

sinij (911942) | about 6 months ago | (#46948109)

Please, engineering is the only reason we came down from trees.

What? (0)

aussersterne (212916) | about 6 months ago | (#46946105)

Oh. Okay.

Wait, what?

The same troupe laid off from MS Windows 8? (3, Funny)

raymorris (2726007) | about 6 months ago | (#46946141)

I'm curious if this is the same troupe of monkeys that were recently laid off from Microsoft, after they completed Windows 8.

Re:The same troupe laid off from MS Windows 8? (1)

NoMaster (142776) | about 6 months ago | (#46946497)

I'm curious if this is the same troupe of monkeys that were recently laid off from Microsoft, after they completed Windows 8.

It doesn't matter how much poo they've flung in the past - please, they still deserve to be called "Developers".

Re:The same troupe laid off from MS Windows 8? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946781)

No it is not. They are training to be the next presidents of USA.

Re:The same troupe laid off from MS Windows 8? (4, Funny)

cffrost (885375) | about 6 months ago | (#46946823)

I'm curious if this is the same troupe of monkeys that were recently laid off from Microsoft, after they completed Windows 8.

Nah — these are trained monkeys.

Re:The same troupe laid off from MS Windows 8? (1)

dcw3 (649211) | about 6 months ago | (#46947811)

Seriously? Someone Flamebait modded this? Get a sense of humor, or GTFO.

Definitely a new low. (1)

Frosty Piss (770223) | about 6 months ago | (#46946159)

The "headline" such that it is, is offensive. It's surprising that the Slashdot "editors" allowed it. It implies things that are not really happening and and suggests things about the Chinese that are not a reality.

Shame on Slashdot.

Definitely a new low.

Re:Definitely a new low. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946201)

You might say it's Yellow Journalism.

Re:Definitely a new low. (1)

AHuxley (892839) | about 6 months ago | (#46946311)

Yes it is. South Africa had the same issues with its massive combat airports surrounded by fences in the 1960-80's.
A lot of interesting trained animals where used to try and keep runways clear from crossing critters at all times so the SADF jet/s could counter Soviet suppled jets as warning times where often limited.
Parts where very, very hard to replace or very expensive to tool for if critters where deep in the complex jet engines.
Good radar coverage was difficult, next gen air to air missiles expensive and skilled crews had to be looked after vs waiting for a clean runway under contant combat conditions.

Re:Definitely a new low. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946873)

The "headline" such that it is, is offensive.

No, it isn't. You are offended by the headline — a crucial distinction.

It's surprising that the Slashdot "editors" allowed it.

You're surprised that Slashdot's "'editors'" don't tailor Slashdot's headlines to meet your personal sensitivity requirements? Are you taking the piss, Ms. Piss?

It implies things that are not really happening and and suggests things about the Chinese that are not a reality.

Shock. Horror. Poor dear, shall I fetch your smelling salts?

Shame on Slashdot.

No shame on Slashdot; Slashdot has no shame. Shame on you for trying to shame Slashdot. Maybe you should stop reading...

Definitely a new low.

Definitely — your posts usually just suck, but this is a new low. Maybe you should stop posting...

Lighten up (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946993)

As I Chinese, I found the post title to be :-

1. Factually accurate
2. Hilarious
3. Quite brilliant actually, since for a wonder it actually fits the main story.

Lighten up.

Re:Definitely a new low. (1)

dcw3 (649211) | about 6 months ago | (#46947829)

Oh, cry us a frickin' river. Just because something could be read into it doesn't mean that it was meant to be that way. And those who take offense when it wasn't intended need to put on some big boy pants and get over it.

Re:Definitely a new low. (1)

dreamchaser (49529) | about 6 months ago | (#46947909)

Whatever you are smoking it must be really good shit. Colorado? The headline is factual and is exactly what they are doing. If you're trolling then it's a very weak troll.

a troop? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946179)

A troop of monkeys? That would make them Cavalry, implying the monkeys are intended to fight from a mount (horse or vehicle). These monkeys are on foot, and not artillery (a battery), so it should be a company of monkeys.

And if we are talking more like 10 monkeys, lets call it a squad. 30 or so to a platoon.

Re:a troop? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946419)

Hey, military fag:

"troop: a group of people or animals of a particular kind"

Now you can go back to masturbating to war porn.

Re:a troop? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946453)

sounds like "group" is the generic term you are looking for.

or troupe if they are some kind of traveling entertainment menagerie.

Re:a troop? (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946729)

Nope. Troop is the collective noun for many species of primate and for primates in general. There is some exceptions, like gorillas form bands.

Re:a troop? (1)

Nidi62 (1525137) | about 6 months ago | (#46948409)

There is some exceptions, like gorillas form bands.

Especially if they're animated.

can't put my finger on it (3, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | about 6 months ago | (#46946207)

That half-buried Statue of Liberty in the corner back-lot is a bit unsettling for some reason.

What happened to using dogs? (1)

damn_registrars (1103043) | about 6 months ago | (#46946209)

I thought airports in the US (yeah, I know we're talking about the infinitely more important air bases here) were using dogs to scare birds away. If we're just worried about bird strikes then we mostly just need to keep flying birds away from aircraft flight paths, don't we?

Re:What happened to using dogs? (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946353)

The Chinese keep eating the dogs.

Re: What happened to using dogs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947529)

merkin poor are down to eating rats, as they casnt afford the price of dog in korea town

Re:What happened to using dogs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946547)

Because monkeys climb and dogs don't?

that's just (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946281)

lacist.

When not working (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946351)

When not working, the Monkeys like to eat Bananas, Mate and write Shakespeare.

This article summary... (1)

GodfatherofSoul (174979) | about 6 months ago | (#46946373)

Slashdot has tanked in the last few years, but this is a new low and the anonymous comments...

I think I'm going to take a break from you for a while, Slashdot. *Maybe* I'll come back...

Re:This article summary... (2)

ruir (2709173) | about 6 months ago | (#46946789)

It is fairly obvious people are reverting to anonymous to say whatever they want and not burn karma.

Re:This article summary... (2)

Jmc23 (2353706) | about 6 months ago | (#46946939)

Sad isn't it? When people can't even stand behind something they say with a fake nick.

To be fair, there are a lot of mod-bombers from both the religious nutters and the science fanbois.

So... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946447)

How is that any different from what we do in America?

I don't get it (1)

quantaman (517394) | about 6 months ago | (#46946459)

Why is China using MSCEs to scare away birds? I can't imagine they'd be very good at tree climbing, surely they're better off running the network or something.

Re:I don't get it (2)

Dr_Barnowl (709838) | about 6 months ago | (#46947127)

In related news, the network efficiency at Chinese airbases has increased by 80% after they replaced the MCSEs with a very small shell script.

The cure can be worse than the disease (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946527)

You ever try to clean monkeys out of a turbine before?

Re: The cure can be worse than the disease (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946793)

Same concept but now there is no feathers. just alot more meat and bone...

Pfft (3)

Greyfox (87712) | about 6 months ago | (#46946553)

I could point you at several companies that are using them for IT and end user support. They schedule a deskside visit to fix your hardware and you end up covered in monkey shit and banana peels.

Re:Pfft (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947605)

The Chinese are using TRAINED monkeys - there's the news angle.

Re:Pfft (1)

c (8461) | about 6 months ago | (#46947873)

They schedule a deskside visit to fix your hardware and you end up covered in monkey shit and banana peels.

You mean they actually show up, eventually? That *is* impressive. Comcast should hire some of those monkeys...

Yeah... (1)

emag (4640) | about 6 months ago | (#46946583)

Oddly, this was on the local morning radio show today. Seemed like a decent idea. I'd love to see "this airspace is protected by trained monkeys", as it would likely provide more assurances than anything the current security theater could provide, with quantifiable results...

Wow, I thought this was a joke... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46946653)

I thought it was going to say that China outsourced guarding of their base to America.. and that it was going to say something like this caused a rip in the fabric of the space time continuum, because you cant outsource to an outsourcer..

*Newsflash: A British sounding gentleman and a girl just stepped out of a blue box that appeared out of nowhere and told me that the punchline to the joke is "The crack in Kim Kardsashian's ass." and they both stepped back into the box which disappeared, before I could ask them what the joke was.. :(

Oh crap! (1)

russryan (981552) | about 6 months ago | (#46946679)

Hope they don't learn to fly.

Re:Oh crap! (1)

wonkey_monkey (2592601) | about 6 months ago | (#46947087)

It's the clever sheep you want to worry about.

They're doing it on the... (1)

MrKaos (858439) | about 6 months ago | (#46946769)

cheap...cheep..chepe..chEep..CHEEEEEP

Well they cant use dogs. (1)

miffo.swe (547642) | about 6 months ago | (#46946833)

n/t

What's new (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947133)

I've seen blacks on guard duty in the west too.

This isn't all that impressive. (2)

davmoo (63521) | about 6 months ago | (#46947261)

We've had untrained monkeys in the US for President and Vice President for the last 13 years. And they've been used in Congress longer than that.

Re:This isn't all that impressive. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46948445)

Are you suggesting we didn't have monkeys before 2001?

prediction: Monkey sucked in engine (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947427)

you know its going to happen that a monkey will get sucked into a engine while its spooling up on the ground.

maybe then they need to train some other animal.. like tigers.

and the cycle continues

solved one problem... (1)

dingleberrie (545813) | about 6 months ago | (#46947471)

In other news, an increasing number of macaques are being caught in aircraft engines.

Just for the birds (1)

Lorens (597774) | about 6 months ago | (#46947491)

I thought the monkeys were actually helping the guards... like baboons in ancient Egypt were used as K9 patrols are today.

monkeys' names? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46947707)

Are any of them named Caesar?

This is a national emergency (1)

BoFo (518917) | about 6 months ago | (#46947933)

It is clear that the United States must mobilize its scientists and behavioral psychologists. We are facing a widening monkey-gap ith the Communists and we must be able to respond in kind should the need arise.

On a related topic, I would like to be the first to welcome our new Chinese monkey overlords.

thinking ahead (1)

martin-boundary (547041) | about 6 months ago | (#46948075)

How do you say "take your stinkin paws off me you damn dirty ape" in Chinese?

Programmers, worry about your jobs! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46948083)

Very soon your jobs will be done by trained code monkeys!

Congo (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46948091)

Michael crichton, Congo.
They were sort of gorillas though.

China is catching up fast! (1)

morgauxo (974071) | about 6 months ago | (#46948195)

Security guards today
Business executives and politicians tomorrow
Soon China will be just like the US!

We the monkey (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46948287)

Why not just use humans, they have a higher intellectual capacity and they can speak and carry weapons.
Wootdamonkey Whoot! Whoot!

Perhaps Hartlepool was right after all... (1)

Martin S. (98249) | about 6 months ago | (#46948373)

Hartlepool a city in Northern England has one claim to fame. During the Napoleonic war they Hung a Monkey [wikipedia.org] washed ashore after a storm because they suspected it was a French Spy.

Perhaps they were actually right after all.

Caesar cometh! (1)

buggsdummy (2698599) | about 6 months ago | (#46948519)

Is this a sign of impending doom?

Easy Peasy (1)

Zeromous (668365) | about 6 months ago | (#46948951)

Danger 5 would infiltrate this base in less than 20 minutes and have a sexy party in the process.

So what? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 6 months ago | (#46949695)

The US has had trained monkeys working airport security for years.

Nice to see... (1)

MitchDev (2526834) | about 6 months ago | (#46950183)

...Detroiters get back some of the jobs China stole from them...

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