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Still More Evidence of Life of Mars

michael posted more than 12 years ago | from the wishful-thinking dept.

Space 250

dirtyhank writes: "According to this article a group of Hungarian scientists have found another potential evidence of life on Mars. Apparently some groups of dark spots spread every martian spring. They say this could be caused by photosynthetic organisms."

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yes (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269151)

finally!! first post!!! ok that was lame

And for once, this is ontopic: (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269346)

Slashdot has been Invaded by Martians!
o o
/ \
| |
\ ______/
/ \
| [@][@] | __________________
| ^^ |_/ \
\_______/ \ HONEST... /
* | | \________________/
/ ___/ \____
|| / \
|| | | *** | |
|| | |* *| |
|| | | *** | |
\\ | | | |
\\ | |_____| |
\\ VVV _[_]_ VVV
\\ / \
\\__/| | |
| | |
| | |
| | |
__/ | \__

This Martian is Copyright © 2001 keesh. You may redistribute it under the terms of the GNU General Public License version 2 or later.

frist ponst (-1, Offtopic)

billyjoeray (65862) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269154)

not likely but i might as well try

Re:frist ponst (-1, Offtopic)

n1tr0g3n (515005) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269157)

first ponst?

it's "post"

and how come you get a Score:1 for an off topic post, but I always get a Score:0 even for the best posts in a thread?

Re:frist ponst (-1, Offtopic)

billyjoeray (65862) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269164)

i didn't say first ponst i said frist ponst
and i started out as 1 because i didn't post anonymously, but now i'm already down to 0 :)

Moderators loves having sex with a dead body (-1)

Spootnik (518145) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269208)

I post auto -1 and some moderators on crack are stupid enough to mod me down. Go figure.

Uh huh! (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269242)

Testify brother troll, testify!

Re:Uh huh! (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269354)

The stupidity of moderators is obvious. There's no need to testify. Note, the only reason I'm replying to this is to (hopefully) further disrupt the page width. :)

Re:Uh huh! (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269368)

While your intentions are honorable, your method needs a bit of work. I would suggest crapflooding with a particularly long article. I've attatched one below. Read it over and see what you think.


The other day I found an amusing and informative text file on
some BBS or other, explaining how to make a lifelike, artificial
vagina "out of common household products."
Hey, I thought, I've tried that. (Bet you have, too. Be honest.)
I was intrigued.
The guy who wrote it calls his device Porta-Pussy. It involves a
mailing tube, a string, and a balloon. Basically, you lower the
balloon into the tube, stretch the neck of the balloon to overlap
the outer edge of the tube, then use the string to stretch the
balloon down the length of the tube.
He suggests taping the tube to the edge of a table, kneeling down
and licking it for a while, then standing up and fucking it.

I just tried fucking it. It wasn't bad. I decided not to try the
advanced applications, though, which include sticking a dildo up
your ass and drinking the cum as it leaks out of the tube. Another
time, maybe.
But I did admire his imaginative design; simple to make, reasonable
facsimile, easy cleanup (throw away the balloon). His description
made fun reading, too; "How I Spell Relief." I encourage others to
download his file (called IWACK1.ZIP).

So, in a spirit of sharing, here's my technique. It doesn't look
as authentic as his, and it takes more preparation, but I think
it feels MUCH closer to the real thing. Close your eyes and the
PseudoCunt (this name just occurred to me; snappy, huh?) feels
just EXACTLY like a warm, wet, tight pussy.
You think I'm kidding, right? Nope. Read on, if you're so inclined.


1- Registration

2- Materials & Ingredients

3- Construction

4- How to Use

5- Hints & Techniques

6- Troubleshooting

7- Why I Created PseudoCunt


Ha, ha. Get it? It's software. Real soft. If you figure
out who I am, send me some money. PseudoCunt is not
shareware, by the way. It's recommended for use alone.


* Cylindrical container (see below)

* Large pot (3-4 quart capacity)

* Butter or margarine (2-3 tablespoons)

* Vegetable oil (just a drop or two)

* Saran Wrap or equivalent

* Spaghetti or fettucini (lots; two boxes)

* Sturdy rubber band

* Several big, firm sofa cushions (optional)

* Your favorite masturbation fantasies in magazine, video,
gif, or virtual form


1- Find a suitable container. This is the tough part. The
best one I've found is an overlarge Mason-type jar (about
11" tall), though these are hard to find. Second choice
would be a length of PVC pipe sealed at one end, or a
mailing tube, but it should be at least five inches in
diameter. A half-gallon cardboard milk carton might work,
with clever modifications.

2- In a large pot, bring two or three quarts of water to
full boil. Add a tablespoon of vegetable oil and a pinch of
salt. Boil spaghetti to aldente texture (about 8 minutes).
Any pasta will do, but I find spaghetti and fettucini most

3- Drain spaghetti, but do not rinse. Mix in A FEW DROPS of
vegetable oil (be CAREFUL not to use too much; use just
enough to keep the spaghetti from sticking together) and
stir well. Set aside in colander until cool enough to handle.

4- While spaghetti is cooling, melt some butter (not much; about
1/3 of one of those little butter pats you get with toast in
a diner is enough). Don't let it boil; 15-30 seconds in the
microwave should do it.

5- Stuff spaghetti into the container described in Step 1.
Really pack it in tightly; as tight as you can cram it in.
This is crucial to success. I use wooden cooking implements
to tamp it down. When the jar is about 3/4 full, bore a hole
down the center with something long and moderately thin (I
use the long handle of a wooden stirring spoon) and continue
packing spaghetti around it, up the brim. Remember to pack
tightly; spaghetti will compress a lot more than you'd think.

6- At this point, remove the rod or dowel or whatever, and
pour a SMALL amount of melted butter down into the little
hole to lubricate it. (By the way, I've found that butter or
margarine feels much more like the creamy inside of an
aroused cunt than any kind of oil; and I've tried quite a
few). Stick your finger in and work the lubrication down
into the little hole. Feels interesting, doesn't it? Close
your eyes and probe, slowly; does that feel just EXACTLY
like a wet pussy hole, or what?

7- Now, use something wider and slightly tapered to widen the
mouth of the surrogate vagina (I use the neck of a wine or
beer bottle). Do this gently, and don't widen it to your
full dick diameter; you want it to be nice and tight.

8- Cut a generous length of Saran Wrap and stretch it tightly
over the mouth of the jar. Fasten it tightly with the
rubber band. Now punch a hole in the Saran Wrap in the
obvious place. (Use a pencil, or a spoon handle, not a
knife; a sharp cut will make the Saran Wrap tear.)


1- Pile two or more big, thick sofa cushions on top of each
other. Make an identical pile next to the first, leaving a
12-inch space between the two piles.

2- In the space between the cushions, spread a towel (or
newspaper) on the floor. If properly constructed, your
PseudoCunt should not make a mess unless you really get
carried away, but it's a good idea to protect against this

3- Position the PseudoCunt jar on the floor between the two
cushion piles.

4- Lie across the cushion piles, chest on one, thighs on the
other, dick dangling in the space between. Now, gaze lovingly
at whatever fantasy object you prefer, tease the head of your
dick against the warm, slick mouth and begin fucking.


* Before you get started, check with your finger to make
sure your PseudoCunt has cooled to the proper temperature.
You don't want to burn yourself. Optimum temperature should
be obvious if you're a reasonably sexually active person.
Push your finger in as deeply as you can; the bottom of the
jar may be too hot even though the mouth is a nice, warm,
cuntlike temperature.

* The PseudoCunt is not recommended for quickies. Choose a
time when you're absolutely certain you'll be alone and
undisturbed. PseudoCunt takes some time to prepare, and a
fair amount of what's called in cinema and theater circles
'suspension of disbelief.' It can't be fully enjoyed if
you're worried about your wife or girlfriend walking in and
finding you fucking a jar of spaghetti.

* Size of the container is important. Make sure it is at
least two inches deeper than your dick is long, and wide
enough so that your dick is surrounded by a generous cushion
of pseudo cuntflesh. You don't want to bang up against the
hard sides or bottom of the thing at a crucial moment.

* Shape of the container is important, too. I like the jumbo
jar configuration because the "shoulders" of the jar where
the neck narrows help to keep the spaghetti in place when
you withdraw on the out-strokes.

* Don't use too much butter. A very small amount should suffice.
Remember that your own secretions will increase the lubricating
effect. It's not generally recognized that grease and oils
actually DE-sensitize erectile tissue. A thin coat of oil on
your dick is like wearing a condom. I find that the absolutely
perfect effect is achieved by adding just a *tiny* amount of
butter, then slathering saliva all over my dick just before
first penetration. The combination of butter, saliva and natural
lubrication that leaks from your dick feels closer to authentic
vagina arousal than any oil I've ever tried.

* Make adequate preparations. Arrange your favorite magazines
on the floor in front of you, or display a particularly
fascinating GIF, or make sure the VCR is cued up and the
remote is handy. One of the real joys of using PseudoCunt is
that it leaves both hands free to work the VCR remote or
languidly browse through magazines, savoring the tight cunt
sucking wetly at your dick with each slight movement of your
hips. With careful preparation it's a damned comfortable
position, and you can just lie there for as long as you please,
indulging as many fantasies as your self-control will allow.

* For best results, fuck slowly and gently on first
penetration. This allows the PseudoCunt hole to adjust to
the proper diameter.

* Don't ram your dick in to the bottom at first. Go slowly,
and try to restrain yourself as long as possible, fucking a
just a little deeper at a time. Each time you stroke a
little deeper, the PseudoCunt is a little tighter, and
incrementally warmer. The sensation is fabulous if prolonged.
I like to keep the last inch or so unpenetrated until I'm
just at the point of cumming, then grunt and howl and plunge
to the bottom and blast my sperm into the tight warmth deep
down inside.

* Sound effects, if authentic, can really heighten the effect.
Porn videos just don't do it for me. Too contrived. I have a
few audio tapes that do, though, and once in a while I'll put
on the headphones while fucking my Pseudocunt. One is a tape
I made by concealing the microphone in the headboard of the
bed before fucking my wife doggy-style (you should consider
trying this; it's incredibly arousing to hear the rutting
grunts and screams of a woman you know). The rest are
recordings of phone-sex conversations with two former
girlfriends -- one in particular, whose panting and gasping
and whimpering as she masturbates is truly phenomenal.

* Shed all inhibitions. Admit to yourself that, while this may
seem truly bizarre behavior, it feels incredibly good. Get
hedonistic. Get totally naked. Or wear leather, or panties
and a bra, or clothespins on your scrotum, whatever makes your
dick throb and ooze.


If you experience problems with your PseudoCunt, the fault most
likely lies in your choice of materials, or lack of attention to
proper construction techniques.

Commonly experienced problems usually have simple solutions:

Too hot for comfort

If too hot, allow to cool at room temperature. Don't get
impatient and put it in the freezer, or outside in a
snowbank. If it cools unevenly, you're in for a very
unpleasant surprise.

Not warm enough

If too cool, place jar in a pan of water on the stove and
simmer for at least 30 minutes. To spread heat more evenly,
make sure the water covers at least 2/3 of the jar, and
place a wire rack beneath the jar to raise it off the bottom
of the pan. If a glass jar is used, you can heat it in a
microwave oven for a minute or so. [This procedure is not
recommended if using a waxed cardboard milk carton.]

These heating techniques, by the way, are handy for repeated
use of your PseudoCunt between washings, unless you're too
squeamish for sloppy seconds.

It's also occurred to me that a hair dryer might be a quick
alternative, but I haven't tried this. I'm not sure I could
maintain a hardon or a straight face kneeling there naked
and blow-drying a jar of spaghetti.

Bits of greasy spaghetti cling to your dick on withdrawal

This is normal. While the problem cannot be eliminated
entirely, the effect can be minimized by several means:

1- Make sure spaghetti is packed in VERY tightly.

2- Use a high-shouldered jar (see above) to help keep
the spaghetti in place on the out strokes.

3- Make sure hole in Saran Wrap is not too large.
Punch, do not cut, this hole to prevent tearing.

PseudoCunt makes distracting slurping noises

You used too much butter, or oil, or both. Or you've gang-
banged your PseudoCunt one too many times and you need to
clean it out and start over again at Step 2.

Of course, if you want to fantasize about oral sex, this
could be regarded as a design feature rather than a problem.

Greasy stains on sofa cushions

My wife responds to greasy stains on upholstery by
immediately dumping a big pile of talcum powder on the
spill, letting it sit for a while, vacuuming it off later,
then calling in a professional furniture cleaner to finish
the job.
I try to avoid stains by making sure the Saran Wrap is
tightly secured with the rubber band, and by spreading a
towel over the leading edge of the sofa cushion pile. I'd
rather not have to explain PseudoCunt stains to my wife.

Fetid stench

Throw away the spaghetti and wash the damn thing. Unless
mold and bacteria growth play an essential role in your
sexual fantasies, repeated use of the PseudoCunt is not
recommended beyond, say, 24 hours. Refrigerate after use.


No, I'm not a social outcast or a phobic recluse. I have a
normal sex life (pretty fabulous, actually) so I should
explain why I continued to experiment with masturbation
techniques in adulthood, long after abandoning the clumsy
remedies most teens invent to draw off excess spunk.
One reason is simply that I'm a very sensuous person with a
vivid imagination. I've found that I can occasionally attain
amazing heights of sexual arousal when I masturbate. At the
risk of sounding immodest, I've induced some of the best
orgasms I've ever had.
Another reason is that I am aware of absolutely no physical
or psychological reasons not to masturbate, and can't help
wondering if the world might not be a better place if more
people did. Whether they use fists or balloons or spaghetti.

Finally, it provides a fabulous way to indulge certain sexual
fantasies that just can't be shared no matter how skilled and
understanding one's lover may be. Know what I mean?
If you're inclined to give this thing a try, I hope it
enhances your own secret fantasies as much as it does mine.
If you have a technique of your own, write it up and post it
for others to share. If you find the whole concept disgusting,
why did you read this far?

Re:Uh huh! (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269376)

That's not the point. I don't think you understand. My sig has 50 Ws in it, which disrupts the width of the page and makes Slashbots have to scroll over to read stuff.

Re:Uh huh! (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269391)

Ahhhh! True, true! I hadn't noticed that before. Congrats on your creativity. I salute you!

Re:Uh huh! (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269394)

I wish I could take credit for it, but I'm certain that someone (and I can't remember who, at the moment) was doing this before me. And there was a lot more nested <UL> tags to disrupt the page width more, but those got removed by the editors and I can't put them back thanks to Slashcode. :\

Something new! (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269403)

You know, I've found that trolling the stories isn't nearly as much fun as reading some lame jounal entries and posting flames to them. You should give it a whirl sometime.

Oh, sorry about Slashcode fucking up your sig. If it would make you feel better, go to #slashdot on irc.slashnet.org and claim that BSD ripped off their TCP/IP stack from DOS. I've been banned from two Undernet #*nix channels for doing that today! ;)

Re:Something new! (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269418)

I could piss them off on slashnet but I don't feel like getting k:lined from there. I don't usually troll IRC, but if you want a bunch of morons who will bite for anything, try #mindspring on efnet. And keep replying to this because each time, we disrupt the page width more. :)

Re:Something new! (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269445)

Yeah getting klined is pretty lame, but on the other hand I have access to thirty PCs at work and twice that many shell accounts, so its pretty easy for me to survive. I'll try #mindspring someday.

Still More Evidence of Life of Goatse.cx (-1)

Spootnik (518145) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269155)

According to this article [goatse.cx] a group of Hungarian scientists have found another potential evidence of life on Goatse.cx. Apparently some groups of dark spots spread every goatian spring. They say this could be caused by photosynthetic organisms.

You trolls are beginning to disappoint. (0, Offtopic)

Scoria (264473) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269398)

It would have been more appropriate for a goatse.cx troll to write "orgasm" as opposed to "organism."

Just a thought. (And please, Slashdotters, have a sense of humor for a day... You just might enjoy it.)

What gives (-1, Offtopic)

bihoy (100694) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269172)

I submitted a post about this very item and it was rejected.

Re:What gives (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269174)

so was mine !!!!!!
slashdot sucks !!!!!

Re:What gives (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269180)

tough luck, sparky... que lastima... cry me a river...

Re:What gives (0, Funny)

Spootnik (518145) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269186)

You submitted too early. Post at least 3 months after the original story was published and it will get on Slashdot.

The article of course duh (-1, Troll)

c_g_hills (110430) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269175)

Fuck this is so old, if theres intelligent life out there it would have found us already. Booooooring.

Re:The article of course duh (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269388)

Intelligent life has been sending messages to us for many years. Michael Sims has just been busy censoring everything they send.

or (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269178)

or it could be shadows

Re:or (-1)

evil_spork (444038) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269366)

How the fuck is this offtopic? At least mod it back to zero. Fucking moderators on the cheap $3 crack again.

Life (-1, Troll)

Sharadin (241129) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269179)

Of course there is life on Mars - why the hell do you think the government is so tight lipped about their 2 failed missions to Phobos? Apparently, there is still Anunnaki technology on Mars, and it destroyed both of the satellites that came too close to the planet. Also, for those of you who don't know who the Anunnaki are, they are the 'aliens' who genetically created the human race almost 300,000 years ago by combining their DNA with the Homo Erectus that existed on this planet at the time.

As for the life on Mars, I'm not sure what's there now, but I do know that Mars was a spaceport for the Anunnaki.

For more information on the Anunnaki, please visit Zecharia Sitchin's website at: http://www.sitchin.com and also read his books. You'll then know where mankind's true origins truly came from.

Re:Life (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269187)

discovered a new drug , did ya Sharadin?

Re:Life (0, Offtopic)

Rykard (519520) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269197)

Interesting... but believeable? Somewhat But, as much as I place faith in ancient writings *snickers*, I must remember the golden rule of humanity: People lie

Re:Life (0, Flamebait)

Sharadin (241129) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269218)

Yes, people lie. That's why the world is infested with an evil thing called 'religion'. Zecharia Sitchin, however, literally breaks the 'godspell' and shows PROOF of how and WHY we were created - and also who we were truly created by. We weren't created by no 'God' - we created by an alien race (who look just like us) who posed as gods.

Re:Life (1)

Rykard (519520) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269254)

Rest assured these things I know. I'd really like to believe in that theory... I want to believe in that theory... but I am a skeptical, cycnical SOB, and I just can't, without seeing some unequivocal proof.

I Can't Tell... (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269255)

I honestly can't tell if this is a troll or not. If it is, I salute you! If its not, I salute you for being so fucked up! Either way, bravo!

Re:Life (0, Offtopic)

angelo (21182) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269221)

I thought the Nephilim lived on our planet X, the planet that may or may not exist in our solar system that is twice the size of jupiter or more.

Re:Life (1)

Sharadin (241129) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269228)

Yes, they live on the the planet Nibiru (Planet of Crossing) which is, indeed, Planet X. It has an eliptical orbit, and passes between Mars and Jupiter every 3600 years.

Evolution at its best (2, Interesting)

Ghoser777 (113623) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269184)

So 2 billion years ago, a small class of organisms survived the collapse of Mars' attmosphere. And so many billions of years later a distant (and possibly radically different) relative of that organism still thrives (atleast during the spring). That's pretty cool.

This is a great scientific find (if these do turn out to be organisms), especially if by studying them we can figure out how they manage to survive at subzero temperatures. Considering we're over do for another ice age, that could come in handy.


Here is an article about this on wired (1)

bihoy (100694) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269213)

According to the article "During harsh Martian winters, when temperatures plummet to minus-328 Fahrenheit, these so-called Mars Surface Organisms are protected by a thick blanket of ice which then melts as the planet's early summer temperatures climb to just above zero.

Large gray dark dune spots -- with a diameter ranging from 30 feet to several hundred yards -- are left behind.

These, the Hungarians claim, are dried-out organisms which can reactivate themselves once the colder, icy season sets in again."

Re:Evolution at its best (0, Funny)

Spootnik (518145) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269251)

False alert, scientists found out it was organisms on the telescope lens.

Re:Evolution at its best (3, Funny)

chabotc (22496) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269329)

Actualy i would call this evolution at its worst. In 2 billion years, you'd expect them to -evolve' wouldn't you? Compare it to what happened on this planet in 2 billion years... my god, those martians must be lazy ;-)

Re:Evolution at its best (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269417)

Ah. But maybe they just look like harmless little algea patches, in order to entice scientists to bring samples back to Earth. Once they've entered the cozy atmosphere of our planet, they'll activate and take control of the population through our TV sets.

Don't you watch any scifi movies?

Re:Evolution at its best (1)

MulluskO (305219) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269433)

Educated women are much less likely to reproduce than uneducated women. Assuming that intelligent women are more likely to be educated, we are children of a lesser mind, and thus not really evolving at all.

Re:Evolution at its best (3, Interesting)

hylander_sb (181045) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269443)

Evolution is not unbounded. An organism can only evolve as much as its environment will allow. This is why there is less 'intelligence' in the water. Water is a relatively unvaried environment. A lack of varied environment leads to less variety in the organism. Look at fish. They're all pretty much the same. Basically. Look at Mammals. VERY different within the Kingdom. What Kingdom has been around longer? The fish. Why aren't they more 'advanced' than mammals? Less variance in environment. More variance means more opportunity for evolutionary advancement through mutations. From what I recall, Mars' environment isn't too varied.

The temperature varies, but it seldom, if ever, gets above the freezing point of water. (NASA [nasa.gov] says the high is 59 with a low of about -184) Let's not forget that the presence of liquid water is VERY important to life as we know it. Not too many organisms can survive in low water conditions. Note though that there is life everywhere on Earth, even in the ice of the arctic and antartic.

What about the girl with the mousy hair? (0, Interesting)

Kiss the Blade (238661) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269189)

It's a God awful small affair for her. The life on Mars issue doesn't just impact in the Scientific field - it affects all of us, the entirety of humanity.

If we find life on Mars, we will never be able to colonise it. Expanding the human experience beyond the shores, the gravity well of this puny Earth requires a virgin territory. But if Mars is soiled with life, we cannot infect it with out own, for that would be interstellar ecocide.

The children are crying, they wail because with every piece of evidence that Mars has life, the long term survival of the Human race gets that bit slimmer. We need room to grow. We need to move off this poisoned planet. But the one save heavenly haven that awaits us is already taken.

Whatever can we do now? What happens when the light goes out?

Re:What about the girl with the mousy hair? (1)

Legion303 (97901) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269201)

You're kidding, right?

We'll crush any life we may find under our feet if need be, as we've done for the past 100,000 years or so.


Re:What about the girl with the mousy hair? (1)

Rykard (519520) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269211)

I don't know what you have been reading... but for humanity to choose suicide (effectively) over ecocide/extermiantion of another race? I have my doubts... Matter of fact, I believe the only way we wouldn't do it, is if we were killed off first.

Re:What about the girl with the mousy hair? (0, Troll)

Shoeboy (16224) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269262)

It's a god-awful small affair
To the girl with the mousy hair
But her mummy is yelling "No"
And her daddy has told her to go
But her friend is nowhere to be seen
Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen
But the film is a saddening bore
For she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on
Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?
It's on Amerika's tortured brow
That Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow
Now the workers have struck for fame
'Cause Lennon's on sale again
See the mice in their million hordes
From Ibeza to the Norfolk Broads
Rule Britannia is out of bounds
To my mother, my dog, and clowns
But the film is a saddening bore
'Cause I wrote it ten times or more
It's about to be writ again
As I ask you to focus on
Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

Re:What about the girl with the mousy hair? (3, Funny)

Alien54 (180860) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269345)

if we find life on Mars, we will never be able to colonise it. Expanding the human experience beyond the shores, the gravity well of this puny Earth requires a virgin territory. But if Mars is soiled with life, we cannot infect it with out own, for that would be interstellar ecocide.

So we commit planetary suicide becuase we are afraid to contaminate a few lichens?

This is lunacy of the highest order.

Now we should check it out to make sure there are no instellar cruisers or bases under that sand. Don't want to piss off the neighbors, especially if they are better armed.

Besides, they have likely seen Our tv shows. No skeletons in our closet. We park them on the lawn to scare the neighbors.


- - -
Radio Free Nation [radiofreenation.com]
an alternate news site using Slash Code
"If You have a Story, We have a Soap Box"

Re:What about the girl with the mousy hair? (2)

geomcbay (263540) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269353)

Mars is soiled with life, we cannot infect it with out own, for that would be interstellar ecocide.

Someone has been watching too many Star Trek episodes.

Life on other planets too (2, Interesting)

dytin (517293) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269199)

If these do actually turn out to be life, then this is one of the largest discoveries that science had ever made. If there is life on Mars, then it is obvious that it is not that difficult to create life, and there is most likely life in other solar systems as well. Maybe it is more complex than this algae-type life is. This is truly amazing.

Re:Life on other planets too (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269279)

Remember the Mars rock they found in Antarctica? Even if there is life on Mars it still might be related to us.

Re:Life on other planets too (3, Insightful)

Goonie (8651) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269343)

Not necessarily. Maybe life got started on Earth and got carried to Mars by a big meteorite impact stirring up chunks of bacteria-containing rock, which then drifted their way to Mars.

Or, possibly, things went the other way from Mars to Earth . . .

Life on Mars would be an amazing find, but if we can show that it most likely came from the same source as Earth it won't say that much about the possibility of life on other solar systems. However, if we can show it evolved independently it would suggest that life will be *really* common wherever you get approximately the right planets in the right climatactic zones (and those climactic zones aren't as precise as some people think).

Re:Life on other planets too (1)

Yorrike (322502) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269426)

What would be really interesting is (if this is in fact life, and we managed to get a sample), to take a look at it's DNA.

If it's Earth-like DNA, and we can somehow trace it back to early life forms on earth, then we know there could have been cross-contamination between Mars and Earth.

Otherwise, if the DNA is unique, we have the greatest scientific discovery until anti-gravity and super light speed space travel.

You assume it has DNA in the first place (1)

barzok (26681) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269451)

If there is life there, and it's not of Earth origin, will it have DNA at all? Just because all life here has it doesn't mean that Martian-origin life will.

If all you've got is a hammer ... (5, Funny)

geckoFeet (139137) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269215)

... everything looks like a nail. "We cannot find anything else to explain it," said EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGST Tibor Gant. There are actually lots of seasonal changes on Mars that make colors and things - geologists and meteorologists have lots of explanations for them.

Nutrients (4, Interesting)

Rosco P. Coltrane (209368) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269227)

I'm not a biologist, but there is a simple question that nags me : assuming there is life on Mars in the form of bacteria or lychens, where do they find nutrients ?

My understan7ding is that basic bacteria and other simple lifeforms transform certain chemicals into other chemicals using energy (usually sunlight). On Earth, the process is known to work because other organisms, usually higher in the food chain, degrade the new chemical back into the first kind of chemicals. It is also believed that the whole process was "jump-started" on Earth by incredibly high concentrations of primordial chemicals in the environment, high enough that the first unicellular lifeform would have time to both emerge then spawn other lifeforms to recycle the byproducts of its activity before the primordial chemicals would run out.

So, the question is, what's the theory with life on Mars ? obviously there has to be more than one lifeform, at least two, so that one degrades what the other produces. Strangely, I never see this issue appear in any life-on-Mars theory. Or do scientists assume a form of life that simply uses energy and consumes what it creates ?

Re:Nutrients (1)

Ghoser777 (113623) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269326)

Well, considering these organisms thrive when the sun comes out, I'd assume it would be photsynthesis. I have no idea what the organisms are made of, but if they are able to transform sun light into an energy form that they can live on, then they're set. Also, there's a lot of ice around them, along with rocks and soil that could be rich in a material that the organisms like. There are plenty of organisms that live on nasty stuff on earth, so I'm sure organisms on Mars could find something to eat.

The key is, matter and energy are interchangeable if you know the right processing method.


Re:Nutrients (2, Insightful)

Tyler-Durden255 (447448) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269328)

You are so not a biologist.

Neither am I but you do not need a chemically balanced life cycle to have life. As a matter of fact oxygen production on earth origionallly was not a balanced chemical process, meaning origionally plants produced oxygen and nothing used that oxygen for almost a billion years!

Why are you assuming it has to be a balanced process or a complicated life cycle?

Why can't life on mars be a simple lichen like life form (though lichen is a symbiont on earth) that slowly photosynthisies energy and leeched it trace elements out of rock. If it's a slow process or there is only a small amount of life they can go on doing what they are doing on mars without dispoiling there environment for as long as the sun literally shines.

Re:Nutrients (1)

linzeal (197905) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269449)

The trees used it when they were burning didn't they? I mean if nothing used the o2 for that long a single bolt of lightening would turn the planet into a flaming cue ball, right ?

Re:Nutrients (4, Insightful)

dgroskind (198819) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269382)

If there was photosynthesis there should be measurable amounts of oxygen. However, the fact [nasa.gov] is that the Martian atmosphere contains about 95.3% carbon dioxide and 2.7% nitrogen, with the remainder a mixture of trace gases.

Even if the life processes were quite different from those on earth, you would expect a different mix of gasses than this one.

Re:Nutrients (1)

rtaylor (70602) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269397)

Perhaps they process some kind of material with sunlight and produce carbon dioxide? There are a ton of reactions that leave that as a result -- we just don't have them in our plants here.

Re:Nutrients (4, Insightful)

archen (447353) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269447)

that would assume that these things would produce a lot of oxygen. Seems to me that if there is life on Mars; it's pretty sparce at best. Besides which Mars has a fairly eliptical orbit - making for a very long and cold winter, which I would guess means that life would probably hybernate for the majority of the martian year. It's possible that the small ammount of oxygen life would make during it's breif season could wind up being absorbed or dissappated the rest of the year.

Life based on what we know. (4, Insightful)

yzquxnet (133355) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269401)

Based on what we know about life what you say is fairly true. However, it is what we don't know about how life is formed and in what forms it may take that will be clincher in discovering life other than our own. We know that for life to exist in a form that we know it, we need conditions that are similar to what we find on earth. However, there is no evidence to support a conclusive claim that life cannot exist in environments that are dissimilar from where we exist. Life may very well exist on mars, but it may be in a form we have yet to discover. Scientist are always looking for water as signs to point to the possibility for life elsewhere. Maybe there is another ideal chemical combination that may also harvest life.

Re:Nutrients (-1)

Anonymous Pancake (458864) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269413)

I'm not a biologist, but there is a simple question that nags me : assuming there is life on Mars in the form of bacteria or lychens, where do they find nutrients ?


Re:Nutrients (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269432)

>> understan7ding

Just out of interest, how does your finger slip from 'n' to '7', and then continue on its merry way with the 'd' as though nothing happened?

Honestly, not a flame. I'm just intrigued.

Re:Nutrients (1)

pagsz (450343) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269440)

From the article: Further probes, including spectroanalyses, are necessary to prove that the spots contain materials that are capable of photosynthesis.

While the observations of the changing dark spots and the conditions under the ice suggest the possibility of life, nothing can be said for sure until more tests are conducted.

This new evidence does raise some intruiging new possibilities, but it's too early to speculate that it may represent primitive Martian life.

Wondering how "Where is the bathroom?" translates into Martian,

Tunnel vision (5, Funny)

isomeme (177414) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269230)

"We cannot find anything else to explain it," said evolutionary biologist Tibor Ganti, a member of the three-man Hungarian team that believes it has discovered life on the red planet.

"I mean, yes, we considered deposition and stripping of lighter-colored dust in a seasonal cycle related to wind patterns, which is a common phenomenon on Mars. And of course we pondered simple soil darkening due to partial ice melting; I mean, that's obvious, right? And we'd have been silly not to consider UV-catalyzed changes in soil chemistry which would occur in the spring as the UV-opaque ice layer thins or disappears.

"But," he continued, "Who's going to give us research funding for any of those? Life is our only ticket aboard the ESA 2003 mission. So, in funding terms, we literally couldn't think of anything else."

Mod this up as Funny and Insightful! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269317)

Really says it all. There are so many simpler explanations that assuming that life is the only explanation is outright ridiculous.

Well (3, Insightful)

Hobobo (231526) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269466)

Don't be so quick to judge -- in such a short article I wouldn't expect them to go into an indepth discussion, so we really can't know what they did and didn't take into consideration.

Don't treat it seriously (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269246)

What do they now? This small European country is not capable of any serious science. Only if American based we might consider. Just ignore this moaning of mad scientists.

Something is happening here. (-1)

Bilton (517325) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269256)

You walk into the room
With your pencil in your hand
You see somebody naked
And you say, "Who is that man?"
You try so hard
But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You raise up your head
And you ask, "Is this where it is?"
And somebody points to you and says
"It's his"
And you say, "What's mine?"
And somebody else says, "Where what is?"
And you say, "Oh my God
Am I here all alone?"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You hand in your ticket
And you go watch the geek
Who immediately walks up to you
When he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel
To be such a freak?"
And you say, "Impossible"
As he hands you a bone

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

You have many contacts
Among the lumberjacks
To get you facts
When someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect
Anyway they already expect you
To just give a check
To tax-deductible charity organizations

You've been with the professors
And they've all liked your looks
With great lawyers you have
Discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of
F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well read
It's well known

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Well, the sword swallower, he comes up to you
And then he kneels
He crosses himself
And then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice
He asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back
Thanks for the loan"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Now you see this one-eyed midget
Shouting the word "NOW"
And you say, "For what reason?"
And he says, "How?"
And you say, "What does this mean?"
And he screams back, "You're a cow
Give me some milk
Or else go home"

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

Well, you walk into the room
Like a camel and then you frown
You put your eyes in your pocket
And your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law
Against you comin' around
You should be made
To wear earphones

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. (-1)

Bilton (517325) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269264)

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Re:When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269302)

It's true, but I don't think Bob Dylan was talking about karma when he wrote that.

If they find life on Mars. (1)

Zapdos (70654) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269293)

They will need to prove that it is not from earth.
Any life on mars could have been carried up from a earth rock thrown up 65 Million years ago, when we were hit by a large one, or any number of other times.

Re:If they find life on Mars. (1)

AstroJetson (21336) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269339)

Good point, but it's very unlikely that a rock from Earth could make it all the way to Mars. We find lots of Martian rocks here on Earth because Earth is 'downhill' from Mars (deeper in the Sun's gravitational well). It would take quite a large impact to do it the other way around - I'm not sure even the Dinosaur Killer would have been big enough. Of course, 'very unlikely' isn't the same as 'impossible', but still....

Re:If they find life on Mars. (2)

Adnans (2862) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269340)

Who cares! It means that life outside earth's athmosphere is possible (without the aid of technology). If life can survive and thrive on Mars, who knows how many other life forms are out there!


Their exciting new experiment... (1, Funny)

NoMoreNicksLeft (516230) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269322)

These brilliant scientists also hope to use their data to answer an age-old question closer to home. In a similar experiment, they'll use the same procedure to try and determine whether there is really life in Nebraska. Asked why, they replied "It is the next logical step. For decades, americans and people elsewhere in the world have wondered whether there is anything there, or if it is just some abysmal pit in the middle of nowhere. We hope to be able to answer that question for everyone." However, the scientific community itself is somewhaat divided over the next endeavor. Dr. James Greely, of the Helsinki Institute of Xenobiology states "Forget the fact that they are wasting precious grant money in an envriroment that has been rather uncommon in the current political enviroment. It's inconcievable that grown men would waste their time seeking life in a place like Nebraska. Of all the unlikely places they might search, this has to top the list, [in] the universe [all] over. They might as well search for intelligent life in the Whitehouse. They've got just as much chance of finding that..." Until they publish their conclusions, though, the world will have to wait. And wonder.

This was previously hypothesized (2, Interesting)

tsarina (456482) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269373)

In the early days of astronomy, there was some rich guy (name escapes me) with a telescope who described 'canals' on Mars and dark blobs bordering them varying as the seasons, which he presumed were vegetation. Later nobody could ever find the dark patches or canals, so it was assumed that it was an optical illusion or something. Now, though no canals, they've found modern varying dark blotches. Another mistake, or has that guy been vindicated?

Re:This was previously hypothesized (5, Informative)

RoninM (105723) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269453)

No, no, no. That's a complete and utter apocryphal tale. The real story goes like this: Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli
observed canali (that's Italian) on Mars. The word "canali" means either "channels" or "canals." There's an obvious difference: a canal is man-made, a channel need not be. There were no dark blotches. They were lines across Mars.
An American astronomer named Percival Lowell went well overboard with the canali, stating that they were, in fact canals and inventing an entire Martian ecology. He wasn't some rich guy with a telescope. Lowell predicted the existence of Pluto and founded the observatory where it was later discovered.
What Giovanni and, to a lesser extent, Lowell observed on Mars is real. They were seeing huge surface features (like Valles Marineris) and the planet's covering of natural channels.

Lowell popularized the observations by turning them into, basically, science fiction of the worst sort. That's a bad deal, indeed, but some of the canali were there.
The important lesson in this story--which is highly relevant given this story--is that Occam's Razor exists for a good reason. Go with the simpler explanation (that these are naturally carved channels) until something comes along that says something wierder is true (that aliens are out farming on Mars).
Simpler: seasonal changes over more complex: alien plant-life.

John Carpenter (1)

talonyx (125221) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269374)

It would appear that these guys went out and saw John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars....

[for those that haven't seen it, it deals with a microorganism that is awakened by the terraforming being done by humankind to the planet]

[The Great Anonymous French Calembour] (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269375)

Life on Mars: Holà y faut ne m'harceler qu'en privé.

A fable about people who find evidence of life (3, Redundant)

SIGFPE (97527) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269393)

The Alien
and the Shepherd Boy
A Shepherd Boy tended his master's flock of Sheep near a dark forest not far from the village. Soon he found lifeforms in the pasture to be very dull. All he could do to amuse himself was to talk to his dog or play on his shepherd's flute.

One day as he sat watching the Sheep and the quiet forest, and thinking what he would do should he see a Alien, he thought of a plan to amuse himself.

His master had told him to call for help should a Alien attack the sheep and the Villagers would come immediately and drive the Alien away. So now, though he had not seen a Wolf, he ran toward the village shouting at the top of his voice, "Alien! Alien!"

As expected, the Villagers who heard the boy's cry for help dropped their work and ran in great excitement to the pasture. But when they got there they found the Boy doubled over in laughter at the trick he had played on them.

A few days later the Shepherd Boy again shouted, "Alien! Alien!" Again the Villagers ran to help the boy only to be laughed at again.

Then one evening as the sun was setting behind the forest and the shadows were creeping out over the pasture, a Wolf really did jump out of the underbrush and leap upon the flock of Sheep.

In terror the Boy ran toward the village shouting "Alien! Alien! Alien!" But though the Villagers heard the boy's call, they did not stop working and run to help him as they had before. "He cannot fool us again," they said.

The Alien ate many of the Shepherd Boy's sheep and then escaped back into the dark forest.

The moral of the story is:

If you tell people there's life on Mars enough time they'll start giving you cash

How to get modded up on /. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269420)

Cut and paste, do a bad job manually finding & replacing, then add a comment that makes no sence.

A Question for our European Readers? (-1)

egg troll (515396) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269402)

http://www.guntruths.com/Resource/Posters/what_par t_of_europe_are_you_from.htm

direct_declarator just sets an ID context (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#2269411)

. [blah.com] | '(' ')' { $$=cgr_graph_node(param,CGR_ABSTRACT_FUNC_NO_PARAM S,0); } | '(' parameter_type_list ')' { $$=cgr_graph_node(param,CGR_ABSTRACT_FUNC,1,$2); } | direct_abstract_declarator '(' ')' { $$=cgr_graph_node(param,CGR_ABSTRACT_FUNC_NO_PARAM S,1,$1); } | direct_abstract_declarator '(' parameter_type_list ')' { $$=cgr_graph_node(param,CGR_ABSTRACT_FUNC,2,$1,$3) ; }

Evidence of digital paper on Mars (0, Offtopic)

Futurepower(tm) (228467) | more than 12 years ago | (#2269460)

Don't you see that this story and the one posted before it are connected? The spots they see changing are evidence of digital paper on Mars!
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